Sorry for Your Loss (2018) s01e06 Episode Script
I Want a Party
1
Subscene @AliEmJay
- Taylor wants to get
the advice column going again.
- I don't feel like
the same person
who wrote that anymore.
- I'd love for you
to still write it
as whoever you are now.
- I'll think about it.
- Rogue is not the only one
who's on Prozac.
I've been taking it on and off
since I was in college
for depression.
Sometimes, it gets bad.
I-I need you to understand
that this isn't fixable.
- You were weird at the party,
and now you want
to go straight to bed.
- You know, what never
makes me feel better
is when my wife yells at me.
- I'm not yelling at--
You were right.
There was a lot about him
I didn't know.
- [voice mail] You've done
that hike a hundred times.
I want to believe
this was an accident,
but I'm standing here,
looking down,
and I just don't know.
- [crying]
It was late in the afternoon,
and I was
folding laundry,
just trying to distract myself
from worrying,
and I had all these, um,
single, mismatched socks
on my lap.
I--I didn't want to be wasteful
and throw them away,
even though I was never
gonna wear them
without their matching pairs.
Anyway, I, uh
I was leaving, uh,
another message
when I got a call from
a number
I didn't recognize.
It was
the sheriff's department.
They told me that there
had been an accident,
and that my husband's body
had been found
near the hiking trail
at the bottom
of a 42-foot drop.
He had slipped
or tripped.
And I just sat there
[laughing] with all these socks
on my lap.
Hmm.
Yeah, I thought that I--
I had experienced
every possible emotion
since that day,
but today is a new one.
[laughs]
T-today, I feel stupid,
because I-I heard something
from someone who knew him
just as well as I did,
and this person doesn't think
that it was
an accident.
He thinks it was a choice.
I have spent four months
blaming the universe.
And maybe
the one I really
should be angry with
is Matt.
- Thank you for sharing.
Is there anything else
that you want to say?
- Tomorrow's my birthday.
- Mm.
- I thought you said
processed sugar
cuts lifespans in half.
- Well, today is a day
for exceptions.
[laughs]
- Mm.
- Now, honey, you need
to be patient with her.
She might be
a bit difficult.
- She's always
a bit difficult.
- So get ready
for a lot of difficult.
- Mm.
- Hey, hey!
- Hi!
- Happy birthday, sweetheart.
- Hello.
- Thank you.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you very much.
Do I smell "queenie-a-mans"?
- Yeah.
- "Queens-a-ma"?
- If you can't pronounce it,
the calories don't count.
- Mmm!
- Happy birthday.
- [gasps]
Thank you.
A coupon book!
Fun.
"I will restart the book club
"you tried to get me and Mom
to do
and actually read the books
this time."
This is a brilliant gift!
Thank you, Jules.
I love this! Thank you.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you so much.
Mmm.
You okay?
- Yeah, no, I-I am.
I just--I just--I didn't think
you'd be doing
quite so well today.
That's all.
- I didn't either,
but we all make choices,
and I am choosing
to have a great birthday.
So let's do this thing!
- Okay, let's do this, um.
I got Lacey to take
the evening classes
so we can get to Sugarfish
before the lines get crazy,
and then, they are screening
"The Philadelphia Story"
at the Egyptian.
- Ah
I think I want a party.
- Oh, you do?
- I do.
- A party.
- Mm-hm.
Tonight.
I want a party.
Like, a big party.
- Okay, um
Do you want me to call Drew
and a few of your friends?
- No, you don't have to.
I can do that,
and, um, it's my birthday,
so I get to eat
six fun things.
- Um, five.
- Um, four.
- I'm gonna eat
four fun things!
- [laughs]
- Jules, I thank you.
I thank you.
- [laughs]
Uh, uh, remind your friends
it's a sober house.
Okay?
- Gotcha.
- Stop worrying.
- Uh-uh.
- Stop.
- Oh, my god.
- She's fine.
I'm fine.
You're fine.
- Okay.
Okay.
- We're fine.
- [humming]
[snorts]
[humming]
Okay.
[scoffs]
[cell phone ringing]
Frankie, hey.
- Hey, Leigh, happy birthday.
Um, I-I know we haven't talked
in a while,
but, um, I just got
your invite,
and I wanted to make sure--
- Oh, great.
Uh, yeah.
Are you coming?
- Yeah, yeah, totally.
I'm there.
- Okay, great.
- Awesome.
I'm super excited.
Birthday time.
Woot, woot!
[laughs]
- Woot, woot!
Okay, I will see you there.
Bye!
[phone ringing]
- Hey, happy birthday!
- Thank you!
- What, uh--
what are you doing here?
- I just wanted to see
my best friend on my birthday.
Did you get me a present yet?
- No, but spoiler:
I am getting you a gift card
because I know how you love
picking out your own presents.
- It's true.
I do.
But, you know, anyone
can get me a gift card,
whereas you can
give me my column back.
[cell phone chimes]
- Leigh, I've been trying to
give you your column back
for months.
- I--I know you waited on me,
and the good news is--
is that I'm done
putting my life on hold,
and I'm ready to do this.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
- And I wish I could,
but [sighs]
I can't take "Ask a Human"
away from Millie.
- But can you please?
Like, just for the--
the integrity of the Internet?
- [sighs]
Ah, "Advice on How to Nail
This Whole Adulting Thing,"
by Millie Lloyd-Hughes.
"Caffeinate responsibly.
Learn what a W-2 is."
- Leigh--
- "Wear sunscreen."
I mean, is this really
the advice
that the world needs?
- Leigh, could you not
mock-read my employees, okay?
We don't have doors.
- She's barely out of college.
It's insane to have her
give advice,
and what life experience
is she drawing on,
the disappointing sex
she had on prom night?
- [laughs]
Okay, Millie is young,
but her posts
do really well.
Her adulting advice went viral.
- And so did white supremacy.
- Nice.
- Just saying.
Her advice is listicles
and GIFs and --------,
and when I gave advice,
I-I-I took my heart out
of my chest,
and then I put it
on the screen.
- Leigh
I wish we could pick up
where we left off, but
our editorial director
made our weekly meeting
all about Millie's column.
Yeah, he got her a sheet cake
that said "Viral."
- That means nothing.
- I'm just saying
- Okay.
[cell phone chimes]
- I--I can't
get your column back
after that meeting.
[cell phone chimes]
- I'm sorry.
- That's fine.
[cell phone rings]
- I hate how this went down,
but
[cell phone continues ringing]
- You should get that.
- I'm sorry. Okay.
But, uh, I'll see you
tonight, though, yeah?
- Um, yes.
Thank you for hearing me out.
I'll see you tonight.
- Of course.
- Okay.
- Happy birthday.
- It's gonna be fun.
- It's gonna be fun!
- It's gonna be fun.
- Okay.
Can't wait.
[laughs]
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Pull your knee
into your chest,
and breathe.
Switch legs,
left over right.
[smooth music over speakers]
Lying on your back
[cell phone ringing]
cross your right foot
over your left knee
for a quickie core stretch.
- Richard, it's her birthday.
If she doesn't want
to take your call,
I am not going to make her.
- Uh, hi, Amy.
I'm well.
Thanks for asking.
How are you?
- Amazing, obviously.
- [sighs] I got an invitation
to Leigh's party
at your house tonight.
- Well, you're her father.
I've never stopped you
coming before.
- [laughs]
It's--it's not just me.
My cousins in Florida
got one, too.
She even invited
The Schwab.
- The kid who ran
through your screen door
at Leigh's high school
graduation party?
- There's still a kink
in the frame.
- How many people
did she invite?
- It's just pages
of names.
Amy?
Hello?
- What? 600
- You there?
[applause]
- Thank you.
- Leigh.
- What?
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
Why?
- You've invited 657 people
to my house tonight.
- Well, it's a last-minute
invite on a Tuesday.
If 30 people show up,
it's gonna be
a Christmas miracle.
- Honey, we stopped
throwing you parties
after elementary school
because the attention
made you self-conscious.
- Well, I don't want
to be self-conscious anymore,
or negative,
or judgmental,
or sad.
I don't want to be that person.
- But I like that person.
I love that person, in fact.
- Well, I don't.
- Honey, today was never
gonna be an easy day.
Whatever you need to feel,
you get to feel it.
- Well, I feel like
trying something new
and being a fun person
[laughing] who's really good
at parties,
and you can try
being a fun person at parties.
That would be
new for you, too.
- You don't think
I'm fun at parties?
- [laughs] No.
Send email
to Millie Lloyd-Hughes.
Hey, Millie,
I need your advice.
What do you do
when it's your birthday
and you're another year older,
and you realize
that you've made
absolutely no progress
with anything important
in your life?
Hey, Millie?
Um
What do you do when
the advice column
that you started from nothing
get stolen by a shallow,
boring 22-year-old
whose idea of adversity
is getting into
her second-choice college?
[sighs]
Hey, Millie, what do you wear
to your first party
after your husband
fell off the side of a mountain
and died?
Send.
[email whooshes, Leigh scoffs]
[groans]
----.
[doorbell rings]
Um
- Hello.
[people talking in background]
- [squeals, laughs]
- I mean--
- No, it's a party.
There's no such thing
as being late.
You show up
when you show up.
- Hi.
Come on in.
- Thanks so much
for having us.
I know we're late.
I'm sorry.
Richard refused
to take a left turn
as we drove here,
so we had to make
three rights instead.
[upbeat music playing]
- I can't believe
he's still doing that.
- People that don't
take left turns live longer.
It's a statistic.
- It's nonsense.
- It's a statistic.
- It's nonsense.
- [laughs]
♪
- Thank you for coming
on such short notice.
- [whispering] It's so weird.
- Um, I couldn't find
the coupon
for borrowing your clothes.
- Oh, I only wore that dress
the one time I was
a slutty Holly Golightly
for Halloween,
so borrow away.
- Cool.
- Looks good.
- Perfect.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Dad.
- Happy birthday, honey!
- Hey, hi, hi!
Hi!
It's good to see you.
Hey.
It's a check, right?
- Yes, it is.
- Cool.
Hi, Sabrina.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
- Hey!
- Oh, hey.
- Happy birthday!
- It's been a while.
- Yeah.
- Good to see you.
- Nice to see you again.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
I'm going to put this away.
I'm gonna put this away.
- Hey, Amy.
Uh, it's Nicholas Schwaback.
Uh, Nick--Nick Schwaback.
I went to high school
with Leigh.
[laughs]
Uh, "The Schwab"?
[laughs]
- Oh, The Schwab.
It's nice to see you.
- My tribute
to the party goddesses.
- Um, we said sober house
on the invite.
- I-I thought
that was a joke.
- No.
Please take it back
to your car.
- You got it, yeah.
- Thanks.
[light rock music playing]
- Oh.
- Hi!
- Happy birthday, sweetie.
- Oh, thanks.
- How are you holding up?
- I'm great.
Yeah.
- Oh, that's good.
- Just great, thank you.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
It's good to see you.
- Leigh!
- Hey.
- Remember this?
- [laughs]
Oh, do I.
- What--what is he doing?
- It's a bit from high school
where he does a stupid dance
until it's funny, and then
it becomes stupid again
- And stupid again
- And then it becomes
both: Really funny.
- [laughs]
- And then--yeah.
♪
- Hi.
Uh, Schwab, here, help my mom.
- Sure.
- There you go.
Tasks.
Cool.
- [laughs]
- Hi.
- Hey, it's the birthday girl.
- Hi.
Hi.
- Or should I say,
teenage vampire?
- Oh, wow.
Well, that's cool.
You got me an insult
for my birthday.
Thank you.
- Well, if you want
to take it that way.
- Whatever.
It's better than
people calling me sweetie
and asking me
how I'm holding up.
- I mean, I think that people
just want
to know that you're okay,
and they know this is
a weird birthday for you.
- Well, the good news
is that I'm okay.
[laughs]
So, yeah.
And we have a million snacks,
so, uh, get yourself
something to eat.
- Okay.
- Have some.
Treat yourself.
- Yeah, okay.
- Cool.
I'll-m gonna talk--
I'm gonna go say hi to--
I mean, I'll see you later.
♪
Hey.
- I don't believe
exercise can be fun.
- I didn't either,
but then
I started choreographing
these silly dances
to these songs I liked
in seventh grade,
and I realized
it can be almost fun.
- Well, what about the pain?
- Okay, in my dance class,
we pose through the pain.
- [laughs]
- Uh, you're laughing,
but I'm serious.
It works.
- Okay.
I'll give it a go.
- Yes!
♪
- Hey, guys.
♪
[sighs]
♪
Oh, damn it.
- Hey, Amy.
What's going on?
- Um
Jules has been sober
for four months.
We're trying to make it
to five.
- Oh, okay.
Uh
I'll help out.
- No, I got this, really.
- No.
- It's fine.
- Uh, look.
Found one.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.
♪
[laughter]
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, Jules!
- Where have you been?
I haven't seen you in months.
Top you up?
- No, thanks.
- Boo.
both: Come on.
- I'm actually sober now.
So that's where I've been.
Um, but you guys enjoy.
- That's--that's great.
- Good for you.
- Yeah.
- Really great.
- Thanks.
- Jules, there you are.
Sorry, can I steal this one
for one quick sec?
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Uh, bye.
- Want me to narc on them
to your mom?
'Cause I will.
- Snitches get stitches.
- I will deal with a wound
that requires stitches
for you, my dear.
- [laughs]
Stop worrying.
I am so good right now.
I promise.
You know, parties are
fun sober.
People's jokes
are still funny.
- [laughs]
- Who knew?
- [sniffs]
- Look, there's Leigh.
You should give her your gift.
- Oh.
Sure you're okay?
- Yes.
I'm great.
♪
[sighs]
♪
- Hi.
- Hi.
- A gift card!
- No, it's a sweater.
- [laughs]
Aww.
- There's more.
- Oh.
♪
- Mm-hmm.
- "Dear Leigh, my advice to you
in this time of crisis
"is to go easy on your
very handsome friend Drew,
"who loves you
"and only wants
the best for you.
P.S., hot outfit."
Thank you.
"P.P.S., please stop
trolling me.
XO, Millie."
Mm.
For the record,
I'm not a troll.
- Mm-hm.
- That was just meant to be
an inside joke
with myself
- Ah.
- And then I
accidentally hit Send.
- Well, that's what you get
for having
inside jokes with yourself
and not including me.
- I'm sorry.
- Mm.
- It will never happen again.
- Mm-hm.
- Where's Ryan?
- Oh, he was tired
after work,
but, uh, he did say
happy birthday.
♪
- Did you
You told him about what I said
about him and that chef.
- I was upset
and he got it out of me.
- Right, and now he hates me.
- Me being honest
with my fiancé
wasn't, like,
a personal attack
against you.
- I just don't understand
why you couldn't have kept that
between us.
- Because he's my person,
and I tell him everything.
That's how being married
to someone works.
- I know how being married
to someone works.
♪
- I feel like every time
we see each other now,
we fight.
- I'm not trying to fight
with you.
- I know.
♪
Okay, look, um,
this is supposed to be a party,
so let's just, like,
try to have fun,
'cause that's the point
of this whole thing.
- [sighs]
- Anyway.
Why don't you go get yourself
a soda?
Maybe you think
you're mad at me,
and really,
it's just low blood sugar?
- Mm.
- That's it.
- That's it.
- Soda.
["Queens" by THEESatisfaction
playing]
- Leave your face
at the door ♪
Turn off your swag ♪
- [sighs]
From your limps
to your Tims ♪
♪
- Recycling?
- Um, empty them out first.
♪
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, this Syrah
is too good to dump.
- You're a wine guy?
- I'm studying to be
a sommelier.
- Really?
- Wine is bottled poetry.
- Yeah, I forget
who said that,
but it--it's true.
♪
Uh
- Uh
- You're not the alcoholic.
- No, I'm--I'm the mom.
I have to make sure this party
doesn't go off the rails.
- Everyone's fine.
Party doesn't need a mom.
♪
- Move your groove thing ♪
- Yeah.
♪
- Cheers, universe.
- Whatever you do
don't funk with my groove ♪
- Mm.
- Right?
- Mm.
Am I supposed to be tasting,
um, blackberry
and vanilla?
- Walnuts and smoke, yeah.
- [laughs]
- Don't funk with my groove ♪
- Sweat through
your cardigans ♪
- You probably don't know this,
but I always had
a crush on you.
- No, I knew.
We all knew.
- Uh--uh, yeah.
Just being alone with you
in a dark corner
was basically
my high school fantasy.
Yeah.
- Mm.
- Yourself ♪
- What else happens
in your fantasy?
- [swallows]
♪
- Hey.
- Frankie, hi.
- [laughs]
- Hey.
- Is, uh--
is now an okay time
to give you your present?
- Yeah.
- Do you remember,
we made these
for the cover
of our binders
the night before
we started the seventh grade?
[disquieting music]
You okay?
- I don't know.
[laughs]
- Look, I-I don't, um--
I didn't want this
to be weird.
I just--I--
I missed you so much.
♪
Um, Leigh, I'm sorry
I didn't go
to Matt's funeral.
Yeah, I just--I told myself
that you had this
huge support system
and you wouldn't even notice
I was there.
- What are you doing?
- I'm--I'm just trying to, um--
- Why are you bringing up
my husband's funeral
at my birthday party?
- Because I feel terrible
about not being there.
- [laughs]
- You just--can you tell me
what I need to do
to make it up to you.
I promise--
- I don't know
what you should do.
I'm s--
you abandoned me.
That was your choice.
And every day
for the last four months,
you chose not to call
or text,
and now--I don't know
what you want to--
you want us to pretend
like none of that happened?
I just can't do that.
- No, I'm not--
I'm not pretending.
I'm sorry.
S-funerals are really hard
for me.
- Funerals are hard
for everyone.
♪
- Yeah, I was an idiot
for coming.
- No, you're not an idiot.
I told you to come.
I just wanted everything
to be okay,
but it's--
it's
not.
I--I'm not ready
to forgive you.
- Happy birthday
to you ♪
- Yeah.
- Whoo!
all: Happy birthday
to you ♪
- Go Leigh!
- Yes!
- Whoo.
all: Happy birthday ♪
Dear Leigh ♪
- Oh, wait, I--do--
do you have to
- Oh, I've seen her blow out
every other birthday candle.
- Okay.
- Mm, mm.
all: And many more!
[cheers and applause]
- Yeah!
- Thanks.
Oh, cool!
Let me clean this mess up
so you guys can eat.
[laughter]
- Whoo!
- Thanks.
- Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hey.
[slow music]
- You guys want cake?
- Yes!
- Hey, Jules,
remember that time
we looked for
a 24-hour Ralph's forever
because you said
you wanted frosting?
- Oh, you downed
that Big Gulp of vodka,
so you had to pee
really bad,
but they wouldn't let you
use the bathroom at Ralph's,
so you ended up peeing
off the side of an overpass
and you hit a passing car.
- It was amazing.
[laughter]
- I don't remember that.
- It's one of
your best stories.
- How can you
not remember that?
- Um, I'm gonna
go get something.
♪
- Hey.
- Hi.
- What's going on?
- Uh, I don't know.
I think throwing a party
was a really bad idea.
- Well, I'm having fun.
- That's good.
- Um
I have to ask you something,
and I don't know
how to do it.
- Okay.
Just ask.
♪
- Do you think
Matt jumped off that cliff?
- What?
♪
No, no.
No, that'd be--that'd be crazy.
- Really?
You don't think it's crazier
that he did that hike
50 times
and that was the one time
he fell?
Really?
- Did you actually invite me
to your birthday party
so you could harass me
about my brother's death?
- How about the fact that he
was clinically depressed,
and he died in an accident
that could've easily
been intentional?
♪
- You know what?
I don't have to do this.
- Are you just not going
to answer me?
- I don't know what you want me
to say.
- I want you to tell me
if you think he jumped.
- Maybe!
♪
I don't know.
I wasn't there.
♪
But maybe.
♪
[laughs]
Okay.
I'm leaving.
Happy birthday.
♪
- Amy, what is it?
- I just made out
with The Schwab.
[laughs]
- What?
No, what?
- I did.
[laughter]
- What's going on?
- Nothing.
- She made out with The Schwab.
- No, shush!
- I'm sorry!
It was just too good.
[laughter]
- And I just feel like
when I was drinking,
I never had to worry
about falling short,
because it was easy to think
that it was just the alcohol
making me fail.
It was easy to think
that if I got sober,
I would do amazing.
I just feel like I'm failing
at everything right now.
Like this thing happened
at work.
I had a project
I worked my ass off on
but my boss hates it.
[sighs]
I don't know.
It just has not been
a great week.
[dish shatters]
[intermittent
shattering sounds]
- I'm supposed to make
a moral inventory.
Every lie, every mistake,
every insecurity.
- That sounds like
literal hell.
- Which is why I'm watching
"Real Housewives" instead.
- Every sober day is a miracle.
- Are you a friend of Bill's?
- Friend of Jason.
- Matt never wanted to talk
about his childhood.
- People who want to talk about
their childhoods are weird.
- Whatever.
I'll just ask your mom.
- Don't--don't ask my mom
about that.
Leave my mother out of it.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Subscene @AliEmJay
- Taylor wants to get
the advice column going again.
- I don't feel like
the same person
who wrote that anymore.
- I'd love for you
to still write it
as whoever you are now.
- I'll think about it.
- Rogue is not the only one
who's on Prozac.
I've been taking it on and off
since I was in college
for depression.
Sometimes, it gets bad.
I-I need you to understand
that this isn't fixable.
- You were weird at the party,
and now you want
to go straight to bed.
- You know, what never
makes me feel better
is when my wife yells at me.
- I'm not yelling at--
You were right.
There was a lot about him
I didn't know.
- [voice mail] You've done
that hike a hundred times.
I want to believe
this was an accident,
but I'm standing here,
looking down,
and I just don't know.
- [crying]
It was late in the afternoon,
and I was
folding laundry,
just trying to distract myself
from worrying,
and I had all these, um,
single, mismatched socks
on my lap.
I--I didn't want to be wasteful
and throw them away,
even though I was never
gonna wear them
without their matching pairs.
Anyway, I, uh
I was leaving, uh,
another message
when I got a call from
a number
I didn't recognize.
It was
the sheriff's department.
They told me that there
had been an accident,
and that my husband's body
had been found
near the hiking trail
at the bottom
of a 42-foot drop.
He had slipped
or tripped.
And I just sat there
[laughing] with all these socks
on my lap.
Hmm.
Yeah, I thought that I--
I had experienced
every possible emotion
since that day,
but today is a new one.
[laughs]
T-today, I feel stupid,
because I-I heard something
from someone who knew him
just as well as I did,
and this person doesn't think
that it was
an accident.
He thinks it was a choice.
I have spent four months
blaming the universe.
And maybe
the one I really
should be angry with
is Matt.
- Thank you for sharing.
Is there anything else
that you want to say?
- Tomorrow's my birthday.
- Mm.
- I thought you said
processed sugar
cuts lifespans in half.
- Well, today is a day
for exceptions.
[laughs]
- Mm.
- Now, honey, you need
to be patient with her.
She might be
a bit difficult.
- She's always
a bit difficult.
- So get ready
for a lot of difficult.
- Mm.
- Hey, hey!
- Hi!
- Happy birthday, sweetheart.
- Hello.
- Thank you.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you very much.
Do I smell "queenie-a-mans"?
- Yeah.
- "Queens-a-ma"?
- If you can't pronounce it,
the calories don't count.
- Mmm!
- Happy birthday.
- [gasps]
Thank you.
A coupon book!
Fun.
"I will restart the book club
"you tried to get me and Mom
to do
and actually read the books
this time."
This is a brilliant gift!
Thank you, Jules.
I love this! Thank you.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you so much.
Mmm.
You okay?
- Yeah, no, I-I am.
I just--I just--I didn't think
you'd be doing
quite so well today.
That's all.
- I didn't either,
but we all make choices,
and I am choosing
to have a great birthday.
So let's do this thing!
- Okay, let's do this, um.
I got Lacey to take
the evening classes
so we can get to Sugarfish
before the lines get crazy,
and then, they are screening
"The Philadelphia Story"
at the Egyptian.
- Ah
I think I want a party.
- Oh, you do?
- I do.
- A party.
- Mm-hm.
Tonight.
I want a party.
Like, a big party.
- Okay, um
Do you want me to call Drew
and a few of your friends?
- No, you don't have to.
I can do that,
and, um, it's my birthday,
so I get to eat
six fun things.
- Um, five.
- Um, four.
- I'm gonna eat
four fun things!
- [laughs]
- Jules, I thank you.
I thank you.
- [laughs]
Uh, uh, remind your friends
it's a sober house.
Okay?
- Gotcha.
- Stop worrying.
- Uh-uh.
- Stop.
- Oh, my god.
- She's fine.
I'm fine.
You're fine.
- Okay.
Okay.
- We're fine.
- [humming]
[snorts]
[humming]
Okay.
[scoffs]
[cell phone ringing]
Frankie, hey.
- Hey, Leigh, happy birthday.
Um, I-I know we haven't talked
in a while,
but, um, I just got
your invite,
and I wanted to make sure--
- Oh, great.
Uh, yeah.
Are you coming?
- Yeah, yeah, totally.
I'm there.
- Okay, great.
- Awesome.
I'm super excited.
Birthday time.
Woot, woot!
[laughs]
- Woot, woot!
Okay, I will see you there.
Bye!
[phone ringing]
- Hey, happy birthday!
- Thank you!
- What, uh--
what are you doing here?
- I just wanted to see
my best friend on my birthday.
Did you get me a present yet?
- No, but spoiler:
I am getting you a gift card
because I know how you love
picking out your own presents.
- It's true.
I do.
But, you know, anyone
can get me a gift card,
whereas you can
give me my column back.
[cell phone chimes]
- Leigh, I've been trying to
give you your column back
for months.
- I--I know you waited on me,
and the good news is--
is that I'm done
putting my life on hold,
and I'm ready to do this.
- That's great.
- Yeah.
- And I wish I could,
but [sighs]
I can't take "Ask a Human"
away from Millie.
- But can you please?
Like, just for the--
the integrity of the Internet?
- [sighs]
Ah, "Advice on How to Nail
This Whole Adulting Thing,"
by Millie Lloyd-Hughes.
"Caffeinate responsibly.
Learn what a W-2 is."
- Leigh--
- "Wear sunscreen."
I mean, is this really
the advice
that the world needs?
- Leigh, could you not
mock-read my employees, okay?
We don't have doors.
- She's barely out of college.
It's insane to have her
give advice,
and what life experience
is she drawing on,
the disappointing sex
she had on prom night?
- [laughs]
Okay, Millie is young,
but her posts
do really well.
Her adulting advice went viral.
- And so did white supremacy.
- Nice.
- Just saying.
Her advice is listicles
and GIFs and --------,
and when I gave advice,
I-I-I took my heart out
of my chest,
and then I put it
on the screen.
- Leigh
I wish we could pick up
where we left off, but
our editorial director
made our weekly meeting
all about Millie's column.
Yeah, he got her a sheet cake
that said "Viral."
- That means nothing.
- I'm just saying
- Okay.
[cell phone chimes]
- I--I can't
get your column back
after that meeting.
[cell phone chimes]
- I'm sorry.
- That's fine.
[cell phone rings]
- I hate how this went down,
but
[cell phone continues ringing]
- You should get that.
- I'm sorry. Okay.
But, uh, I'll see you
tonight, though, yeah?
- Um, yes.
Thank you for hearing me out.
I'll see you tonight.
- Of course.
- Okay.
- Happy birthday.
- It's gonna be fun.
- It's gonna be fun!
- It's gonna be fun.
- Okay.
Can't wait.
[laughs]
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Pull your knee
into your chest,
and breathe.
Switch legs,
left over right.
[smooth music over speakers]
Lying on your back
[cell phone ringing]
cross your right foot
over your left knee
for a quickie core stretch.
- Richard, it's her birthday.
If she doesn't want
to take your call,
I am not going to make her.
- Uh, hi, Amy.
I'm well.
Thanks for asking.
How are you?
- Amazing, obviously.
- [sighs] I got an invitation
to Leigh's party
at your house tonight.
- Well, you're her father.
I've never stopped you
coming before.
- [laughs]
It's--it's not just me.
My cousins in Florida
got one, too.
She even invited
The Schwab.
- The kid who ran
through your screen door
at Leigh's high school
graduation party?
- There's still a kink
in the frame.
- How many people
did she invite?
- It's just pages
of names.
Amy?
Hello?
- What? 600
- You there?
[applause]
- Thank you.
- Leigh.
- What?
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
Why?
- You've invited 657 people
to my house tonight.
- Well, it's a last-minute
invite on a Tuesday.
If 30 people show up,
it's gonna be
a Christmas miracle.
- Honey, we stopped
throwing you parties
after elementary school
because the attention
made you self-conscious.
- Well, I don't want
to be self-conscious anymore,
or negative,
or judgmental,
or sad.
I don't want to be that person.
- But I like that person.
I love that person, in fact.
- Well, I don't.
- Honey, today was never
gonna be an easy day.
Whatever you need to feel,
you get to feel it.
- Well, I feel like
trying something new
and being a fun person
[laughing] who's really good
at parties,
and you can try
being a fun person at parties.
That would be
new for you, too.
- You don't think
I'm fun at parties?
- [laughs] No.
Send email
to Millie Lloyd-Hughes.
Hey, Millie,
I need your advice.
What do you do
when it's your birthday
and you're another year older,
and you realize
that you've made
absolutely no progress
with anything important
in your life?
Hey, Millie?
Um
What do you do when
the advice column
that you started from nothing
get stolen by a shallow,
boring 22-year-old
whose idea of adversity
is getting into
her second-choice college?
[sighs]
Hey, Millie, what do you wear
to your first party
after your husband
fell off the side of a mountain
and died?
Send.
[email whooshes, Leigh scoffs]
[groans]
----.
[doorbell rings]
Um
- Hello.
[people talking in background]
- [squeals, laughs]
- I mean--
- No, it's a party.
There's no such thing
as being late.
You show up
when you show up.
- Hi.
Come on in.
- Thanks so much
for having us.
I know we're late.
I'm sorry.
Richard refused
to take a left turn
as we drove here,
so we had to make
three rights instead.
[upbeat music playing]
- I can't believe
he's still doing that.
- People that don't
take left turns live longer.
It's a statistic.
- It's nonsense.
- It's a statistic.
- It's nonsense.
- [laughs]
♪
- Thank you for coming
on such short notice.
- [whispering] It's so weird.
- Um, I couldn't find
the coupon
for borrowing your clothes.
- Oh, I only wore that dress
the one time I was
a slutty Holly Golightly
for Halloween,
so borrow away.
- Cool.
- Looks good.
- Perfect.
- Yeah.
- Hey, Dad.
- Happy birthday, honey!
- Hey, hi, hi!
Hi!
It's good to see you.
Hey.
It's a check, right?
- Yes, it is.
- Cool.
Hi, Sabrina.
- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
- Hey!
- Oh, hey.
- Happy birthday!
- It's been a while.
- Yeah.
- Good to see you.
- Nice to see you again.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
I'm going to put this away.
I'm gonna put this away.
- Hey, Amy.
Uh, it's Nicholas Schwaback.
Uh, Nick--Nick Schwaback.
I went to high school
with Leigh.
[laughs]
Uh, "The Schwab"?
[laughs]
- Oh, The Schwab.
It's nice to see you.
- My tribute
to the party goddesses.
- Um, we said sober house
on the invite.
- I-I thought
that was a joke.
- No.
Please take it back
to your car.
- You got it, yeah.
- Thanks.
[light rock music playing]
- Oh.
- Hi!
- Happy birthday, sweetie.
- Oh, thanks.
- How are you holding up?
- I'm great.
Yeah.
- Oh, that's good.
- Just great, thank you.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
It's good to see you.
- Leigh!
- Hey.
- Remember this?
- [laughs]
Oh, do I.
- What--what is he doing?
- It's a bit from high school
where he does a stupid dance
until it's funny, and then
it becomes stupid again
- And stupid again
- And then it becomes
both: Really funny.
- [laughs]
- And then--yeah.
♪
- Hi.
Uh, Schwab, here, help my mom.
- Sure.
- There you go.
Tasks.
Cool.
- [laughs]
- Hi.
- Hey, it's the birthday girl.
- Hi.
Hi.
- Or should I say,
teenage vampire?
- Oh, wow.
Well, that's cool.
You got me an insult
for my birthday.
Thank you.
- Well, if you want
to take it that way.
- Whatever.
It's better than
people calling me sweetie
and asking me
how I'm holding up.
- I mean, I think that people
just want
to know that you're okay,
and they know this is
a weird birthday for you.
- Well, the good news
is that I'm okay.
[laughs]
So, yeah.
And we have a million snacks,
so, uh, get yourself
something to eat.
- Okay.
- Have some.
Treat yourself.
- Yeah, okay.
- Cool.
I'll-m gonna talk--
I'm gonna go say hi to--
I mean, I'll see you later.
♪
Hey.
- I don't believe
exercise can be fun.
- I didn't either,
but then
I started choreographing
these silly dances
to these songs I liked
in seventh grade,
and I realized
it can be almost fun.
- Well, what about the pain?
- Okay, in my dance class,
we pose through the pain.
- [laughs]
- Uh, you're laughing,
but I'm serious.
It works.
- Okay.
I'll give it a go.
- Yes!
♪
- Hey, guys.
♪
[sighs]
♪
Oh, damn it.
- Hey, Amy.
What's going on?
- Um
Jules has been sober
for four months.
We're trying to make it
to five.
- Oh, okay.
Uh
I'll help out.
- No, I got this, really.
- No.
- It's fine.
- Uh, look.
Found one.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.
♪
[laughter]
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, Jules!
- Where have you been?
I haven't seen you in months.
Top you up?
- No, thanks.
- Boo.
both: Come on.
- I'm actually sober now.
So that's where I've been.
Um, but you guys enjoy.
- That's--that's great.
- Good for you.
- Yeah.
- Really great.
- Thanks.
- Jules, there you are.
Sorry, can I steal this one
for one quick sec?
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- Uh, bye.
- Want me to narc on them
to your mom?
'Cause I will.
- Snitches get stitches.
- I will deal with a wound
that requires stitches
for you, my dear.
- [laughs]
Stop worrying.
I am so good right now.
I promise.
You know, parties are
fun sober.
People's jokes
are still funny.
- [laughs]
- Who knew?
- [sniffs]
- Look, there's Leigh.
You should give her your gift.
- Oh.
Sure you're okay?
- Yes.
I'm great.
♪
[sighs]
♪
- Hi.
- Hi.
- A gift card!
- No, it's a sweater.
- [laughs]
Aww.
- There's more.
- Oh.
♪
- Mm-hmm.
- "Dear Leigh, my advice to you
in this time of crisis
"is to go easy on your
very handsome friend Drew,
"who loves you
"and only wants
the best for you.
P.S., hot outfit."
Thank you.
"P.P.S., please stop
trolling me.
XO, Millie."
Mm.
For the record,
I'm not a troll.
- Mm-hm.
- That was just meant to be
an inside joke
with myself
- Ah.
- And then I
accidentally hit Send.
- Well, that's what you get
for having
inside jokes with yourself
and not including me.
- I'm sorry.
- Mm.
- It will never happen again.
- Mm-hm.
- Where's Ryan?
- Oh, he was tired
after work,
but, uh, he did say
happy birthday.
♪
- Did you
You told him about what I said
about him and that chef.
- I was upset
and he got it out of me.
- Right, and now he hates me.
- Me being honest
with my fiancé
wasn't, like,
a personal attack
against you.
- I just don't understand
why you couldn't have kept that
between us.
- Because he's my person,
and I tell him everything.
That's how being married
to someone works.
- I know how being married
to someone works.
♪
- I feel like every time
we see each other now,
we fight.
- I'm not trying to fight
with you.
- I know.
♪
Okay, look, um,
this is supposed to be a party,
so let's just, like,
try to have fun,
'cause that's the point
of this whole thing.
- [sighs]
- Anyway.
Why don't you go get yourself
a soda?
Maybe you think
you're mad at me,
and really,
it's just low blood sugar?
- Mm.
- That's it.
- That's it.
- Soda.
["Queens" by THEESatisfaction
playing]
- Leave your face
at the door ♪
Turn off your swag ♪
- [sighs]
From your limps
to your Tims ♪
♪
- Recycling?
- Um, empty them out first.
♪
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, this Syrah
is too good to dump.
- You're a wine guy?
- I'm studying to be
a sommelier.
- Really?
- Wine is bottled poetry.
- Yeah, I forget
who said that,
but it--it's true.
♪
Uh
- Uh
- You're not the alcoholic.
- No, I'm--I'm the mom.
I have to make sure this party
doesn't go off the rails.
- Everyone's fine.
Party doesn't need a mom.
♪
- Move your groove thing ♪
- Yeah.
♪
- Cheers, universe.
- Whatever you do
don't funk with my groove ♪
- Mm.
- Right?
- Mm.
Am I supposed to be tasting,
um, blackberry
and vanilla?
- Walnuts and smoke, yeah.
- [laughs]
- Don't funk with my groove ♪
- Sweat through
your cardigans ♪
- You probably don't know this,
but I always had
a crush on you.
- No, I knew.
We all knew.
- Uh--uh, yeah.
Just being alone with you
in a dark corner
was basically
my high school fantasy.
Yeah.
- Mm.
- Yourself ♪
- What else happens
in your fantasy?
- [swallows]
♪
- Hey.
- Frankie, hi.
- [laughs]
- Hey.
- Is, uh--
is now an okay time
to give you your present?
- Yeah.
- Do you remember,
we made these
for the cover
of our binders
the night before
we started the seventh grade?
[disquieting music]
You okay?
- I don't know.
[laughs]
- Look, I-I don't, um--
I didn't want this
to be weird.
I just--I--
I missed you so much.
♪
Um, Leigh, I'm sorry
I didn't go
to Matt's funeral.
Yeah, I just--I told myself
that you had this
huge support system
and you wouldn't even notice
I was there.
- What are you doing?
- I'm--I'm just trying to, um--
- Why are you bringing up
my husband's funeral
at my birthday party?
- Because I feel terrible
about not being there.
- [laughs]
- You just--can you tell me
what I need to do
to make it up to you.
I promise--
- I don't know
what you should do.
I'm s--
you abandoned me.
That was your choice.
And every day
for the last four months,
you chose not to call
or text,
and now--I don't know
what you want to--
you want us to pretend
like none of that happened?
I just can't do that.
- No, I'm not--
I'm not pretending.
I'm sorry.
S-funerals are really hard
for me.
- Funerals are hard
for everyone.
♪
- Yeah, I was an idiot
for coming.
- No, you're not an idiot.
I told you to come.
I just wanted everything
to be okay,
but it's--
it's
not.
I--I'm not ready
to forgive you.
- Happy birthday
to you ♪
- Yeah.
- Whoo!
all: Happy birthday
to you ♪
- Go Leigh!
- Yes!
- Whoo.
all: Happy birthday ♪
Dear Leigh ♪
- Oh, wait, I--do--
do you have to
- Oh, I've seen her blow out
every other birthday candle.
- Okay.
- Mm, mm.
all: And many more!
[cheers and applause]
- Yeah!
- Thanks.
Oh, cool!
Let me clean this mess up
so you guys can eat.
[laughter]
- Whoo!
- Thanks.
- Okay.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hey.
[slow music]
- You guys want cake?
- Yes!
- Hey, Jules,
remember that time
we looked for
a 24-hour Ralph's forever
because you said
you wanted frosting?
- Oh, you downed
that Big Gulp of vodka,
so you had to pee
really bad,
but they wouldn't let you
use the bathroom at Ralph's,
so you ended up peeing
off the side of an overpass
and you hit a passing car.
- It was amazing.
[laughter]
- I don't remember that.
- It's one of
your best stories.
- How can you
not remember that?
- Um, I'm gonna
go get something.
♪
- Hey.
- Hi.
- What's going on?
- Uh, I don't know.
I think throwing a party
was a really bad idea.
- Well, I'm having fun.
- That's good.
- Um
I have to ask you something,
and I don't know
how to do it.
- Okay.
Just ask.
♪
- Do you think
Matt jumped off that cliff?
- What?
♪
No, no.
No, that'd be--that'd be crazy.
- Really?
You don't think it's crazier
that he did that hike
50 times
and that was the one time
he fell?
Really?
- Did you actually invite me
to your birthday party
so you could harass me
about my brother's death?
- How about the fact that he
was clinically depressed,
and he died in an accident
that could've easily
been intentional?
♪
- You know what?
I don't have to do this.
- Are you just not going
to answer me?
- I don't know what you want me
to say.
- I want you to tell me
if you think he jumped.
- Maybe!
♪
I don't know.
I wasn't there.
♪
But maybe.
♪
[laughs]
Okay.
I'm leaving.
Happy birthday.
♪
- Amy, what is it?
- I just made out
with The Schwab.
[laughs]
- What?
No, what?
- I did.
[laughter]
- What's going on?
- Nothing.
- She made out with The Schwab.
- No, shush!
- I'm sorry!
It was just too good.
[laughter]
- And I just feel like
when I was drinking,
I never had to worry
about falling short,
because it was easy to think
that it was just the alcohol
making me fail.
It was easy to think
that if I got sober,
I would do amazing.
I just feel like I'm failing
at everything right now.
Like this thing happened
at work.
I had a project
I worked my ass off on
but my boss hates it.
[sighs]
I don't know.
It just has not been
a great week.
[dish shatters]
[intermittent
shattering sounds]
- I'm supposed to make
a moral inventory.
Every lie, every mistake,
every insecurity.
- That sounds like
literal hell.
- Which is why I'm watching
"Real Housewives" instead.
- Every sober day is a miracle.
- Are you a friend of Bill's?
- Friend of Jason.
- Matt never wanted to talk
about his childhood.
- People who want to talk about
their childhoods are weird.
- Whatever.
I'll just ask your mom.
- Don't--don't ask my mom
about that.
Leave my mother out of it.
- Hi.
- Hi.