Splitting Up Together (US) (2018) s01e06 Episode Script

1 - [GROUPLOVE'S "WELCOME TO YOUR LIFE" PLAYS.]
- Doin' what I can do, Josh.
How 'bout you? You're such a big mess - Hey! - Oh! Oh.
It's me.
It's Martin.
Yeah, I love you - We're back in business - Hey.
You scared me.
You know my thing about men peering through windows.
I think that's everyone's thing.
- What's up? - You gotta come see this.
MAE: See a world beautiful and strange On a one-way track - [CLEARS THROAT AND HUMS.]
- Hey, Mae.
'Sup? We're gonna go to the juice place and get a juice.
You want anything? Uh, no, thanks.
I have a lot of reading to read.
Right, right, right.
I mean, you can't drink a juice and read.
Good call.
Okay.
See ya, Mae.
- What the heck? Yeah.
- I know.
Hold on.
You ready? [STOMPING.]
Look, look how fast it runs away - [WHISPERING.]
Oh, my God.
- [WHISPERING.]
I know.
Can you believe it? - She's so good.
- MAE: Singing, "Follow close" - I know.
It is like an angel.
- And reach for me - Just feel it.
- [SIGHS.]
See that you've got so much more to be - You know.
- [INHALES SHARPLY.]
[WHISTLES.]
Yes, yes! Fine.
I'm not reading.
I'm participating in the spring musical.
And I do want a carrot-ginger-kale, but I have to practice first, so just leave me alone.
Keep giving me hope for a better day Keep giving me love to find a way Through this heaviness I feel, I just need - Someone to say everything's okay Everything's okay Why didn't you tell us you were in the spring musical? Were you worried your brothers would make fun of you? Because I've got so much dirt on those two, you wouldn't believe it.
Yeah.
Mason watches "Project Runway.
" Still! And Milo wants to change his name to "Pandoro.
" Okay, I don't care about Mason or Pandoro.
I like musicals, so I tried out for one.
And I got the lead.
- Ooh! - Get.
The heck.
Out.
Sister! I am not surprised! Why do I sound surprised? - You are a great singer.
- It's in your blood.
Your mom and I did a - ton of karaoke back in the day.
- Oh, we did some - pretty killer duets.
- Yes, we did.
Ee Du wa dup Ee de Du wa dup Oh ep Ba dup Under pressure Pushing down on me Pushing down on you No man ask for Under pressure Wow.
That was killer.
Like, seriously, I wish it ended my life.
Honey, I just don't understand why you thought you had to hide this from us.
- We're your number-one fans.
- Go, Mae! Honestly, it's because I didn't want to deal with this.
- What, us? - You guys act more like a couple now that you aren't one.
I find it abnormal.
And Rydakto agrees with me.
Rydakto? What's Rydakto? Is that a cartoon? Is that a drug? Should I ask my doctor about Rydakto? - Yo, hook me up with some Rydakto.
[LAUGHS.]
- I'll get you some Rydakto.
Dr.
Rydakto is the school psychiatrist.
I've been seeing him during lunch periods.
He's easy to talk to, and he's really, really cool.
DR.
RYDAKTO: Mae feels comfortable confiding in me because I'm easy to talk to and I'm really, really cool.
[LAUGHS.]
Mae agreed that it would be beneficial for me to share her feelings with you.
- Great.
- So - What's that? Okay.
- Like that.
Um here it is.
You're not acting divorced.
Would it be better for the kids if we hated each other? Better, no.
Uh, more comprehensible? Yes? No.
It's no.
- [WHISPERING.]
It's yes.
- [WHISPERING.]
Yes.
- If it were "no," then it would be the same - He w he was nodding his head.
- as being friends.
- Yeah, but he was nodding his head.
When he [WHISPERING.]
Keeps nodding Yes, I keep nodding my head.
It's part of my process.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
When the both of you insist on doing things "like a couple," Mae finds it to be disingenuous.
Confusing.
And, uh her words, not mine "gross.
" For example, she'd rather you not attend her performance together.
She'd rather the night be about the work and not about how not divorced - the two of you want to act.
- [NORMAL VOICE.]
We act very divorced.
Has either party considered getting a place of their own? [NORMAL VOICE.]
I I feel like we're in trouble here.
Yeah, well I feel like we're about to get some demerits.
Because we're, like, awful parents.
That's not for me to say.
But you could try establishing some clear boundaries with each other.
Okay, fine.
- Uh, Martin this is your week, - Yes.
so why don't you go see Mae's performance by yourself? And I'll just sit this one out.
Now we're using our heads.
No, we're not.
That was an empty offer, okay? That I've never missed a first of any of our children - so that would be the first missing of a first.
- Shh.
Look.
I'm no expert well, except that I am.
So I'm gonna give you the best advice that I can stop acting like a couple.
It's for everyone's good.
And maybe you can use this time to focus on where you're going as individuals individually.
- I like that.
- Okay.
- Martin, I've got your keys.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
That's just being neighborly.
I No, you know what? I get it.
I get it.
MARTIN: Antiquing, huh? I must really like you.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
You should get that jacket.
- Oh, I think that was my jacket.
- Really? - It's vintage.
- Well, then, the math works.
- Ah-ha-ha.
- Ah Oh, she likes the "old-man" jokes.
When they're coming from an authentic old man? Yeah, - I-I do.
- Mm-hmm.
- [GASPS.]
Martin.
- Hmm? You need this.
- The key to the city? [CHUCKLES.]
- It's a key hook.
What for? You never know where your keys are.
Oh, come on.
Whoever really knows where their keys are? I'm buying it for you.
[SIGHS.]
Who gives someone a hook? What are you doing? A hook is very presumptuous.
Don't you guys think? What are you rambling about? Never mind.
Okay, we're out the door.
Everyone have their backpacks? Lunches? - Did anyone feed Josh? - That thing's still alive? "That thing," as in the turtle you begged for? Yes, Josh is still alive, and he's gonna outlive me, so you better show him a little bit of respect.
LENA: Martin? [DOOR CLOSES.]
- [SIGHS.]
- Really? I beg your pardon.
Hey.
Is that better for ya, Josh? A little more central? Why do you look so depressed? Hey.
You gonna wear the shirt I got you to school tomorrow? Are you kidding? I'm saving that baby for a special occasion.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Hey.
Ah, okay.
Okay.
- Is that true? - Is what true? Are you saving that shirt for a special occasion? Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
No, I hate it.
It says "Nama-stay In Bed" and it's sleeveless.
Wow.
You handled that like a pro.
Hey, you think it'd be weird if I asked you for some girl advice? Very.
Proceed.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
Well, yesterday my bird tried to move things to the "key hook" stage, if you know what I mean.
[CHUCKLES.]
I-I don't.
I just I feel like she's overstepping, and I kinda wanna hit the brakes.
So, what should I do? Ghost her? Ghost her? What does that even mean? I think it means you're dead to her or she's dead to you? Uh, basically, it just means you stop replying to her texts.
But be forewarned once you ghost, it can be very hard to un-ghost.
- Is that right? - I mean, from what I hear.
I've never personally ghosted, but I've been the ghostee and it's chilling.
Right.
Ghosting seems a little immature.
Course it is, I'm 14.
Here, give me your phone.
Uh, don't don't go to the pictures.
Okay.
Dad, she texted "hey" four hours ago and you still haven't responded? So, uh, w-what does that mean? It means you're already ghosting.
You're mid-ghost.
[HUSHED.]
What?! LENA: Who buys home furnishings - for someone else's home? - What? Someone installed a new key hook in the foyer.
Whoa.
I can't believe that Page Six missed that scoop.
It was Lisa Apple.
I'm sure of it.
She is marking her territory.
She just sprayed her scent all over my entryway, - like a feral cat.
- Wow.
If you don't want Martin's girlfriend in your house, maybe you two need to discuss the boundaries beyond the kids, because Lisa can be a little presumptuous.
Wait.
She can? How well do you know Lisa? I might've friended her on Facebook.
After we had dinner.
And dessert.
At a different location.
You went to multiple locations with Martin's new girlfriend? I'm sorry, okay? Uh Martin invited us to go out to dinner with them, and I didn't know what the rules were.
She just sprayed her scent all over you, too.
Do you want me to de-friend her? Because I will.
I will drop a bitch just like that.
- I've done it before.
- Do whatever you want.
Friend her, face-swap her, make her your Woman Crush Wednesday, I don't care.
Lena I have wanted for you and Martin to get back together for so long.
But I have to admit, Martin just seems better now.
It's like before, he had this giant chip on his shoulder all the time.
- And I was the chip? - I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying that Martin has moved on.
And more importantly, I've moved on.
I hope you can move on, too.
It's like I'm no longer a wife.
I can't throw myself into taking care of the kids unless it happens to be my week.
Everybody's ready for me to move on, but I don't know what I'm supposed to move on to.
Another man? A new relationship? I just I don't think I'm ready for that.
But it's just weird when everyone in the world is "partnered off" except for us.
I actually have a girlfriend.
It's my nanny, Blanca.
It's pretty serious.
We've been together since I was born.
Hmm.
Wow.
Yours is really good.
Hey, thanks.
You know, I used to love going to see art like real art but Martin didn't like going, so - I stopped.
I guess - I have to start taking myself to the places I wanna go.
Yeah, or get a Blanca.
MAE: See a world beautiful and strange On a one-way track And it won't come back - Look, look how fast it runs away - [WHISPERING.]
That's my daughter.
Singing, "Follow close and reach for me" See that you've got so much more to be [APPLAUSE.]
Hey.
You were amazing.
I almost forgot it was you up there.
I am so proud of you, kiddo.
Thanks, Dad.
Um, everyone's going to Fro-Yo Life to celebrate.
Can I go? Rebecca's mom will drive me home.
Of course.
He said yes! Have fun.
Martin.
Hi! - Hey.
- Mae was great.
Thanks.
So was yours.
- No Lena tonight? - No Lena tonight.
WOMAN: And you came alone? I heard you were dating.
[CHUCKLES.]
Dr.
R? - Hey.
I'm good.
How are you? - How are you? If you call me You will know me If you call me - I'll be there - If you call me - You will find me - Lena? Wes! - Hey.
- Oh, my God.
Oh.
Oh.
- I'm so happy to see you.
- Yeah, me too.
I'm surprised I never heard back from you.
Oh, yeah, I-I thought about calling.
I wanted to call.
Um we just - we jumped in so fast, and I - Yeah.
I realized I have a bunch of stuff I needed to figure out.
Did you figure it out? - Um in the process.
- Yeah? I'm I'm trying to train myself to be more like her.
I want to rise above what's been weighing me down - and embark on a cosmic journey.
- Mm, in a unitard.
[CHUCKLES.]
In a unitard, yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
I just don't want you to blame yourself, okay? It had nothing to do with - you - I found you.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Um, Lena, this is my girlfriend, Meegan.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hello, hi.
Um oh, my gosh.
Congratulations.
- Ah! - Wow.
You got a good one there.
- I know, right? - [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
How do you two know each other? Wait, let me guess.
I'm really good at guessing.
- Um, babe - You delivered Wes.
- Are you the doctor that delivered Wes? - No.
You're his aunt.
Is she the gay aunt? No.
Your face is triggering me.
- You work at the deli on his corner.
- Yes.
Yes.
I work at the neighborhood deli.
I'm his deli lady.
Oh, my God.
I'm so good, right? - Yes.
- Ah, I'm so good! What do I win, baby? Are you gonna buy me every painting in this gallery? - 'Cause I'm obsessed.
- Me too.
- [DEEP VOICE.]
I'm obsessed.
[LAUGHS.]
- Uh-huh.
[LAUGHS.]
It's great to meet you, Meegan, and good to see you again, Wes.
Um don't forget we're gonna have a sale on ham next week.
I've been trying to cut back on sodium, - but, um Thanks.
- Yes, right, I remember that.
Yeah, of course.
[MEEGAN GIGGLES.]
You know, we're thinking of offering a low-sodium variety in the future, so Just in case you want to check back in.
Yeah, maybe I will.
That deli lady is really concerned about your ham.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Mm-hmm.
Your apprehensions are less about Lisa and more about Martin and his relationship anxiety.
[SIGHS.]
It's not just the Lisa thing.
I'm also having anxiety about Josh.
Josh? Our turtle.
I am haunted by his little green face.
- It keeps me up at night, - the thought of him trapped in a box.
He needs to move on, explore new options, feel the sunshine on his shell.
[WHIMPERS.]
A little grass between his toes.
Well, it sounds like you're projecting your own feelings onto Josh.
It's all connected.
Locate your inner turtle, Martin, okay? Just find it.
[CHUCKLES.]
So I can see him.
Now - set him free.
- [INHALES.]
[HUSHED.]
Free him.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
- [EXHALES.]
Thank you.
- No, thank you.
I can't tell you how refreshing it is to talk to someone with fully-formed adult neurosis.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thank you.
Mae! Hey, how did it go? The "Juniper Street Gazette" say I might get nominated for a Juni.
[GASPS.]
Who even knew there was such a thing, and now you might get nominated for one! Mom, I just wanted to say thanks for n-not coming.
I know it was probably hard for you.
Oh.
Pfft.
It was.
I wanted to respect your feelings, but I also wanted to totally ignore them.
I went with the former.
I also pre-ordered the DVD.
Of course you did.
I'm really sorry if it's confusing that Dad and I don't hate each other.
It's just you guys are getting along better than ever, and we all basically live in the same house.
So why do you even need to be divorced? Because I don't want to be married to someone who can live with me.
I want to be married to someone who can't live without me.
Did you write that down in advance? No.
I swear.
It just came out perfect now.
Is that supposed to be you? It's supposed to be, but I'm not sure it is yet.
Can I have it when you die? Yeah.
But don't get your hopes up.
I plan on living as long as Hey, where's Josh? I know it's hard, Josh.
I know it's hard to leave the only home that you've ever known.
But it's time to take the leap.
Be free, Josh! Run! Be free! LISA: Martin? Lisa, thank you for meeting me out here.
[SIGHS.]
Look, I'm sorry I ghosted you.
It was Mason's idea.
What? When did you ghost me? Maybe I didn't do it right.
Anyway, the point is, is I was scared.
Martin, I'm happy to take things as slow as you want.
No, I don't want, okay? I found this really great therapist that I'm gonna start seeing during 7th period on Thursdays.
- Oh.
- And if you're open to it, I am ready to take the leap.
[CHUCKLES.]
- - I've made peace with where I am.
I'm gonna make like the woman in my painting and allow the darkness to be the stepping stones that carry me toward a brighter tomorrow.
What are you talking about? Are those Gloria Estefan lyrics? I'm just saying.
I've been immature about Lisa Apple.
You should hang out with her as much as you want.
I'm sure she has great traits.
Maybe the three of us could get dinner together sometime.
Are you (BLEEP) kidding me? [THUD, CLATTER.]
Oh, no.
I'm sorry.
I guess my bag was too heavy.
What was in it? Oh, you know, wallet, makeup, hand weights, couple of bricks I stole from the construction site next door.
You are a really good friend.
Well, you know, chicks before younger chicks.
- Yeah.
- [LAUGHS.]
Come here.
How badly do you want to clean that - mess up? Okay, go ahead.
- So badly.