SurrealEstate (2021) s01e06 Episode Script

1
Previously on SurrealEstate
- MEGAN: I don't believe in ghosts.
- LUKE: Neither do I.
I just work with them.
I still have these
moments when I think maybe
you should be detained and studied.
Well, you'd have to buy me dinner first.
Zooey! You get to drive
Susan out to the coast.
ZOOEY: And leave her for dead, right?
This is why we don't have HR.
SUSAN: I just thought you
were the office manager.
- ZOOEY: I contain multitudes.
- LUKE: Anything else?
PHIL: Who's the referring agent?
- ZOOEY: Seriously?
- LUKE: Rita Weiss.
AUGUST/PHIL: Hm.
SUSAN: This got scary fast.
GABRIEL: I know I'm late
but people took forever
and there's no way they
could afford the place.
I'm on my way, honey.
Okay! As fast as I can! Geez!
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
[GRUNT]
Whew!
Hnh
RADIO HOST: A touch after 5 o'clock
on this beautiful Tuesday afternoon.
Next up, handyman Andrew Anderson
talks to us about the wonders of
low maintenance composite decking.
Some might call it a mundane topic.
FEMALE RADIO GUEST: Well,
there is fun in the mundane!
[CLATTERING]
[RADIO HOST AND GUEST LAUGH]
[ARROW VIBRATING]
[LOUD SNEEZE]
- GUY 1: Beat ya!
- GUY 2: Pass me another one, would ya?
♪
Sorry. You asked for it.
All right, here's to Friday
and a weekend of possibilities.
On the count of three. One
Two three!
[LOUD SNEEZE]
[ARROW SLICING THROUGH AIR]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[THEME MUSIC]
[THUD]
[PASSERSBY REACTING IN SHOCK]
[MAN SCREAMING]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
RITA: You're late.
For our 9:30 meeting,
which you rescheduled twice?
[LAUGHS] Look, I'm
giving you this listing.
It's a present. Like the
dollar bills all those sad women
- used to tuck into your Speedo in college.
- Why me?
Taking some time off.
You remember my assistant, Gabriel?
Oh, I try not to get attached
to your assistants, Rita.
They're like bunnies
in cosmetics testing
you just know something
terrible's going to happen to them.
He died.
The dim bulb ran into a tree branch.
It went through his eye
socket and into his brain.
Who knew he even had one? Ha.
- I'm sorry for your loss.
- Yeah, well, I've had this vacation
on the books for months
and now this happens.
Gabriel's final middle
finger from the grave.
Is this why you're
giving me the listing?
Look, if you don't want it,
I'll call someone normal.
Let's go inside and look around.
Sorry, but Mister "I'm going to die
and complicate Rita's
life" took the lockbox code
when he became a baritone
in the choir eternal.
I've got a locksmith coming out later.
Anything else? I need to pack.
Again: why me?
Gabriel's death wasn't
the first on the premises.
It's your kind of place.
[EERIE MUSIC]
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
We should send flowers or something.
Gabriel was Rita's assistant.
Almost qualifies as euthanasia.
There is more. The house has history.
PHIL: So, the former
owner, Catherine Owens,
was arrested for murdering
her tenant about a year ago.
Hm. Nana broke bad.
Miz Owens was kind of agoraphobic.
Owned the place for ten
years, hardly ever left
Just sat in there playing her cello.
- Cops had to drag her out.
- She ever confess?
Says she plead innocent.
No other fingerprints or forced entry
Jury saw enough circumstantial
evidence to convict.
What happened to the victim?
Well, it just says a head wound.
Let me see if I can
get any more specifics.
Would it be insensitive
to ask why we care?
- Hm.
- Well, it's our listing.
We have a duty to report any
murder to any prospective buyers.
Wouldn't hurt to know the details.
Rita didn't mention
any residual phenomena?
Of course it could have slipped
her mind in her crushing grief.
When you do the PKT, stay
outside the house for now.
We don't know what we don't know yet.
AUGUST: It seems overly cautious.
I get a big "stay out"
vibe from this house, Augie.
Until we know what's up,
just use the exterior sensor.
I have a meeting but I'll be reachable.
Oh! Ah, that reporter from
Channel Six keeps calling.
Do you want me to forward the message?
Hey, do you know an Edwin Calabasas?
Left us a bunch of
staticky voicemail messages.
Turns out he owns one of those
big old houses on University Row
and wants to list it ASAP.
Wow. Those sell instantly.
How'd he find us?
He said we were
recommended by an associate
and he couldn't remember the name.
Okay, two listings with no
sellers looking over our shoulders.
How lucky are we?
[CALM MUSIC]
[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
Hm. Your dad used to make this?
MEGAN: I looked forward
to it every weekend.
My dad marinated the chicken for hours.
Then he'd cook it in oil
and sugar 'til it caramelized
and he'd add other spices and stuff.
And he'd make enough
for ten or twelve people.
And the house was filled
with this wonderful smell.
I used to think Trinidad
must be this wonderful place
that always smelled
like a Sunday afternoon.
It's really good.
Mm, I love this place, Zaboca.
They make the best Pelau in town,
but Dad's recipe spoiled me for life.
[CHUCKLES]
Parents.
They mess you up, right?
Sorry.
No, it's okay, you're right.
My dad made me a Padres fan.
[LAUGHS]
What time is it?
I have a ton of classes
and labs to register for.
Already? We haven't even
looked at any listings!
The new condos on Daly
they're incredible.
Beautiful views. I can get you a deal!
[KISS SOUND]
I'm gonna send you a link!
Hot, 11-foot ceilings in your
area, waiting to meet you!
ZOOEY: Ew.
What?
This lady got her eye
shot out with an arrow.
[ELEVATOR ARRIVING
DING, DOORS ROLL OPEN]
It's all fun and games until
someone pokes an eye out.
- Hm.
- [RITA CLEARS HER THROAT]
- I need to see your superior.
- [ZOOEY LAUGHS AWKWARDLY]
Uh, Luke's out. What's up, Rita?
He asked to see the open house
guest book for the Owens house.
Here.
So, what, this was, uh
- Last Saturday?
- Mm-hm.
Feel free to sell the Owens
place to one of those people
but the other 15 names on
that list are my clients
and out-of-bounds. Mitts off.
Anybody here was
particularly interested?
Mm, I'm afraid my assistant
took that insight to his grave.
He's literally in a better place now.
If so, he's wearing some
kind of corrective lenses.
He died from a stick through the eye.
[SCOFFS]
- Bye-bye!
- PHIL: Huh.
[CURIOUS MUSIC]
[MUMBLING]
We better call Luke.
This woman is on the list.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
[LOW RUMBLE]
[DOOR RATTLES AND SQUEAKS OPEN]
[DOOR SQUEAKS]
Oh, I don't think so.
- [MYSTERIOUS MUSIC SWELLS]
- [DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
AUGUST: It's like it was
daring me to come inside.
I'm glad you didn't.
[GENTLE MUSIC]
The exterior sensor should still
allow us to monitor its activity.
Telling me four deaths have
been associated with this house?
ZOOEY: Yep.
Four counting the
original murder victim.
Okay, let's just look at the first name
on the open house list for a second
Marcy Nunes. Had an
accident at home. Tuesday.
Yeah. Impaled herself
with a knitting needle;
- right through the eye.
- Like Gabriel.
We are sure?
Yeah, I confirmed with my
contact at the coroner's.
Then, three days later,
Anna Mayer.
Bizarre archery-related mishap.
God, so much death and yet Rita
Weiss still walks the earth.
Rita Weiss wasn't at this open house.
Knowing her management style,
it's possible she never
even went inside at all.
It's like this house
doesn't want any visitors.
It seemed to invite me in.
Gabriel died on Saturday.
Marcy Nunes, what? Tuesday?
Then Anna on Friday.
Three days apart. Anything?
Oh, pick your poison:
Celtic Triads, Holy Trinity,
the Osirian triad, all of Pythagoras.
Okay, so the first thing we need to do
is warn the next name on the list.
Three days from Friday is tonight.
Ross Parsons.
- Phil, you'll get in touch?
- Mm-hm.
Call the warden, Braden Correctional.
Let's see if I can get a few
minutes with Catherine Owens.
Think she has an accomplice?
Think she might be innocent.
[MUSIC FADES OUT]
Oh!
I can say cheese in the next one.
[LAUGHS]
Oh! My bad.
- [LAUGHS]
- No big thing.
I'm Reese. You can, uh, come
on up. Who're you here to see?
Taylor? Or it's probably,
uh, Mason, actually.
- Wha! Watch your, uh
- Oh!
step. Hm. Party foul.
- Ha-ha!
- Hm.
I'll, uh, yeah, I'll
go wake up the Maceman.
We had quite a night last night,
but I'm sure he'll be happy
you're here. You guys can talk
compounds and, uh,
valencies and whatnot.
I I'm sorry, you are the, uh
chemistry tutor his dad hired, right?
I sell houses.
I left you three messages.
Right. Right. I'm, uh
wh what'd they say?
Your landlord's selling the house.
I just need to take some quick pictures.
Don't know how I feel about that.
- Great. Great!
- Yeah. Sure. [CLEARS THROAT]
[MUSIC THUMPS UPSTAIRS]
Oh, my God!
This is a dumpster with utilities.
Yeah, we like it.
Look, I'm going to be
honest with you, all right?
Our landlord is kind
of a douche, all right?
And I don't really like the
idea of helping him sell,
but this new owner jacks up our rent
He has the right to
sell his own property.
Yeah. Yeah-yeah-yeah,
of course. But, uh
talk to the boys first,
right? And our buddy, Chops,
he's pre-law, so he'll
know something about
our constitutional human rights.
By all means, consult Chops,
but I need these photos.
You gotta call me. Tomorrow, no later.
I mean it.
Just gotta find the phone.
I'll let myself out.
You do that.
ROSS: So, you're saying I'm going
to die by a thing through my eye?
This sounds like so much bullshit.
Three people are ahead
of you on that list.
All three have died.
- You appear to be next
- Because we looked at a house.
We don't know.
- But I thought you should, at the very least
- Buy the house?
Well, I was going to
suggest that you be careful.
Take a few precautions.
[GENTLE MUSIC]
[CHUCKLES]
GUARD: Stay where you are.
Just a moment.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
- CATHERINE: I don't know you.
- Luke Roman. Thanks for seeing me.
There was a window in my busy schedule.
Ms. Owens, I am the,
uh, real estate agent
who's in charge of selling your, uh
The house you used to live in.
I thought you were a writer.
Or one of those movie people.
A commission-craving house hooker.
What a disappointment!
I see you've been talking to my mom.
I do love my house.
How is it?
Well, I was just there
the other day. It's fine.
But you did not go in.
Ms. Owens Catherine?
you've always claimed to be
innocent of Amos Allenby's murder.
I have.
Because I am.
I think that it is possible we
might be able to help you prove that.
You think so?
How long had you had
Mister Allenby as a tenant?
Four weeks.
Maybe five.
I did my best to
pretend he wasn't there.
When did you find out he died?
When the police told me my
prints were on the murder weapon.
I wasn't aware I even
owned a murder weapon.
Surprise! It was my bow,
the bow from my cello
covered with my fingerprints.
People are such snobs about
their precious Pernambucos
but carbon fiber provides the perfect
blend of flexibility and strength.
I suppose the murderer proved that.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Perhaps there's an
endorsement in his future.
At the time of the murder, you were ?
Riding my bicycle by the water,
like I did most afternoons.
By yourself?
The killer knew my patterns,
my habits,
and found them suitable for framing.
- [SCOFFS]
- Being in here is a pretty good alibi.
This past week, three
people who attended
an open house at your home died.
In a way very similar to Mister Allenby.
Officially, they're all accidents.
- But unofficially?
- If you're in here,
maybe the killer is still out there.
Real estate agents fighting crime.
I thought you spent your
time posing for bus benches.
[LAUGHS]
[EERIE MUSIC]
Look,
can't promise you anything but,
uh, we're going to look into it.
I'll be in touch.
Mister Roman
Take good care of my house.
Do sell it to somebody nice.
[PRISON DOOR BUZZER]
[INDISTINCT DISTANT VOICES]
[BASS BOOM]
[BUSY RESTAURANT ATMOSPHERE]
So I said, "Look, I'm not
trying to be an asshole,
but there's no excuse for
missing that deadline." Okay?
Now, I know you're a
vegetarian. You just
Whoa.
Jeezus
You'd think they'd be a little careful.
Awesome. Yeah, this is
what I'm talking about.
Best steak in the city.
BOY 1: Give it to me!
It's great, thanks.
Keep it coming, okay?
Hey!
[DINERS REACT]
Ahh!
MALE DINER: God! Oh my God. Oh!
Mom!
Is there a doctor here?
ZOOEY: Friends say Parsons was smart,
friendly and enjoyed fine dining.
I should have scared him more.
Should have done something.
No. No way.
You warned him.
I was pretty sure the
house was the problem
until I looked into Catherine's eyes.
And what'd you see?
Arrogance.
Precision. A kind of
self-satisfaction you don't
expect in a correctional setting.
What have you got?
The, uh,
PKT monitor showed very
little initial activity.
But we clearly see psychokinetic energy
rise steadily for 48
hours until it peaks here.
Spikes, actually.
Right when Ross Parsons was
getting his eye poked out.
And exactly three days after
Anna Mayer got her shot to the eye.
What kind of monster wreaks vengeance
on a few looky-loos at an open house?
I'm gonna look into death
markers, tracers, homers
- Rippers?
- Could be rippers.
Maybe look at hollabacks,
too, flycasters, inkstains.
- Mumfords.
- Wait, what are these things? What's a Mumford?
It's a spirit that does the same thing
over and over and over again.
Hey, I like Mumford and Sons.
I keep coming back to precision.
- What about a Poindexter?
- What about
Even worse?
What? Peabody?
Nah, a killing spree is
way off-brand for a Peabody.
Oh, shit.
A Watchmaker.
It fits. You gotta admit.
- Oh, dear.
- Bring me along here, guys. What's a Watchmaker?
They came over with the flood of
German immigration in the mid-1800's.
They gave us kindergarten and
Christmas trees and Watchmakers.
Basically, it's a very methodical demon
that does very bad things in the
same way in a very precise order.
We need to find all the people
that went to that open house.
We need to warn them.
We need to scare them,
if we have to it is
literally life or death.
That's gonna be a problem.
This is the next name in the book.
SUSAN: Is that even a name?
Is there a number? An email?
So, we just need to warn
a nameless, faceless person
that they're the next victim
of a nameless, faceless killer.
I have my own problems.
Reese?
- It's the real estate lady!
- That is correct.
Hi. Can you open the door?
Sure.
Taylor, Mase.
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
Hm.
You didn't call.
Yeah? No. Yeah! That was,
uh, on advice of counsel.
How is Chops?
Chops says that you need a warrant.
I'm not a cop! I don't want your weed.
Unaware of this, uh,
"weed" you speak of.
Reese, I just need the
pictures, okay? Please?
Oh, I'm getting real
disappointed mom vibes from you
and I already got one of those, so
You're gonna need to
go. Sorry. No pictures.
If Yo
[DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
I am so sorry, I hate to do this
especially since you're
already on our bench.
Oh, this bench isn't so special.
I'll hang with anyone who sits down.
DUCK MAN: We attack at dawn!
- [IMITATING DUCK] Let me go!
- Oh, he seems nice.
So, you have class tonight?
Nah, think I'll just chill at home.
Got a huge endocrinology lab coming up.
Maybe head up to the attic and
have a pillow fight with your mom?
Or, maybe you should
help me find a new place?
I'll call you. I promise.
Goodbye.
It's a lovely property in a desirable
neighborhood, Mister Calabasas,
but the current [CLEARS THROAT]
tenants are being difficult.
They're parasites.
Overprivileged, little dung beetles
who chose my property as shit shack.
I've tried to evict them.
Now, I just want them to
be someone else's problem.
We need great photos to sell the place.
Then we'll "leak" the listing to
a a curated list of investors
and parents who want a
great campus location,
or income property.
It'll sell instantly.
I've chosen the right agent.
But it all starts with the photos.
Nothing fancy, empty rooms is fine,
- but they won't
- You figure it out.
The thought of those little
tapeworms burrowing deeper
into my portfolio
vexes me. I can't rest.
- Sir, you should know that
- I have every confidence in you, Ms. Ireland.
Goodbye.
I'm not even sure these characters
are from the modern English alphabet.
Zooey, who do we use for legal work?
Wait, you want to sic a
lawyer on the frat guys?
- I need the photos.
- That is the absolutely the wrong way to do it.
All right. One question:
Did you ever own or operate
an iron during college?
Natural fabrics require proper care.
Hm. We have our answer.
I just need the name of the lawyer.
All right, look, I
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
can get you your
photos without the lawyer.
Why would you, even if you could?
Because
I am
loving the fact
that you can't. Hm-hm.
Fabulous for you.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[LOW, BASS RUMBLE]
[SIGH]
[PHONE KEYBOARD CLICKING]
[LINE TRILLING]
- PHIL: Hey, Luke.
- Any luck on the autograph of the damned?
Nope. August is trying
to hack Gabriel's email,
see if there's anything there.
Another great idea.
I always send out follow-up
emails for open houses.
I'm all over it.
Look, I talked off-the-record
to a guy I know.
A homicide detective. As
far as they're concerned,
these are all accidents.
Whoever's doing this knows
exactly where the victim is
and how to murder them
at any precise moment.
Not any moment. Three-day intervals.
Why not just knock them all off at once?
I'm telling you, it's
gotta be a Watchmaker.
Whatever it is,
we're running out of time.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
REESE: Boom. Boom.
Boom! You did not see
that coming! Ha-ha-ha.
Wow, that was awesome! Can you show me?
Yeah. It's just, uh, B, left, down, up.
[VIDEO GAME AUDIO STOPS]
I I'm sorry. Who are you?
I'm Zooey.
I live, um, over there.
Anyways, um me and my
roommates, Amber and Sheera,
we were doing this Tik Tok
challenge where we, like,
party in every room in
every house on the block.
- MASON: Sounds like a lot of work.
- Oh my God, I know, right?
Thought it was going
to be, like, way easy.
I just came from next door.
No offense, but they
are, like, really boring.
Well, we are way more fun.
[LAUGHS WITH MOUTH CLOSED]
If you are, you usually
don't have to say that.
You guys are kind of cute.
Can I post you doing
the Wake Down dance?
- Um
- So easy and my roommates would, like, die.
Ta, sure.
Yeah? Awesome! Let me
hook up to your Bluetooth.
TAYLOR: All right.
Sweet! We just got to,
like, clear all this
- stuff.
- [INDECIPHERABLE] I can move it?
Yeah, like, now.
- Move it?
- Yeah.
Oh, okay. Sure. Yeah.
- Sweet.
- Um, okay, this will go over here?
Just over there. No! Watch the floor.
Watch the floor, she says!
Ah! Yeah. There you go.
Ohhhh! Skate style.
Does it have to have to come down?
Just move that right over there.
Whoa! Whoa-ho.
[HIGH-ENERGY DANCE MUSIC]
Fantastic, boys!
- It's dance thing?
- Yeah.
- Ready, boys?
- Mm-hm.
Five-six
Seven, eight.
["COOKIES ON MY PLATE" BY
RICHARD MEAD AND CAYTE WEBBER]
Cookies on my plate ♪
While life can make me wait ♪
Cookies on my plate ♪
I've got cookies on my plate ♪
Cookies on my plate ♪
While life can make me wait ♪
Cookies on my plate, wha ♪
Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
SUSAN: Can you get a lower angle?
I said I have got this.
♪
God, Zooey, it's like you have
some strange, hypnotic power
over these poor boys.
Thank goodness you're using
it for good and not evil.
Ooh! I'm trying to show off
some of that crown molding.
All right, guys, back to ones!
[UPBEAT MUSIC WITH CLAPPING HANDS]
Good, job, boys!
We got it!
Guys?
Oh!
Ah. I got you. Pull.
[PHONE BUZZING]
Yeah. Phil.
Hey, you visit the prison yet?
- I'm on my way.
- Okay, stop.
- Just stop. I found something.
- Okay.
In 1969, a 16-year-old
named Margaret Heyward
died at Adreniland on a school trip.
The safety bar on her chair
swing came up all by itself.
- So?
- Okay,
three days earlier Margaret
Heyward had recently bested
half a dozen classmates to
become first-chair cello.
So?
Second chair was her best friend,
Catherine Owens.
Three days
Exactly three days.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
[BOYS LAUGHING]
I did it! Whoo.
All right, let's post!
- Oh, I would, but
- You want a beer?
- Sorry, my ride's coming.
- Oh, um So
you, uh, want to hang
out some time or ?
Oh,
Reese.
I'm grown enough to be your hot,
unattainable, slightly
slightly older cousin.
All right, so
You'll text me?
Okay, bye.
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
[CAR DOOR OPENS, ENGINE STARTS]
[SIGHS]
I have no words.
I think that's best.
[EXHALES]
- Are they still looking?
- Yeah.
- Okay, can you go now? Please?
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
- [MUSIC FADES OUT]
[PRISON DOOR CLANGS SHUT]
CATHERINE: All this attention.
You're gonna turn a girl's head.
Tell me: how'd you do it?
- I don't know what you mean.
- You didn't like Amos Allenby.
He was in my house.
Did you know he watched
me in my shower, Mr. Roman?
But what about Margaret Heyward?
You killed your best friend because
she beat you out for first chair?
[TENSE MUSIC]
I'm sure I don't know
what you're talking about.
[DEEP BASS THUMP]
I think we should talk tomorrow.
There will be lots to
talk about tomorrow.
[EERIE MUSIC TURNS PLAYFUL]
[NOTIFICATION CHIME]
[PHONE LINE TRILLING; CLICK]
Mr. Calabasas? Susan Ireland.
The listing is live!
The offers should start rolling
in. Um, I've sent you the link
- and I just want to make sure that you
- Splendid.
Contact my attorney
when you have offers.
He'll be pleased to consummate the sale.
So, I I should talk to him, not you?
You've great help to
- Uh.
- at last, I can move on.
Sorry, you're breaking up. I can't
- [LINE DISENGAGES]
- Hello?
[STATIC]
[PHONE INTO CRADLE]
[GENTLE MUSIC]
[KEYS CLACKING]
[ACCESS DENIED BEEP]
[KEYS CLACKING]
[QUIET ELECTRONIC HUMS AND WHISTLES]
Hm.
Hm.
[EERIE MUSIC]
Hey, I'm sorry. Did you order?
- You're starving.
- [PHONE RINGS]
Luke, I love seeing you,
but if work is too crazy, I get it.
No, I need to eat. Let's eat.
Here we are, two normal adults, eating.
[PHONE RINGS UNINTERRUPTED]
The Owens house has just
been-been nothing but trouble.
Oh.
[PHONE MESSAGE VIBRATION]
I'm sorry, it's just
- I can't believe people were into that house.
-
-
- That striped wallpaper in the hallway?
Made me crave a peppermint stick!
Or a haircut! God!
[TENSE MUSIC]
What?
You were in the Owens open house?
You caught me, Luke.
I'm cheating on you.
I'm seeing other agents.
I hope we can still be friends.
Your email
wasn't on the guest list.
I gave it to the guy
afterward. Verbally.
Luke, what's wrong?
You told me to look at anything I liked.
[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]
WAITRESS: I'll give you guys a minute.
What about the spoons?
You really think she's going
to get spooned in the eye?
Guys in prison sharpen those
things and use it as a shiv.
Spoons.
[ENERGETIC MUSIC]
[ELECTRONIC BUZZES AND CHIRPS]
Mm. This is ridiculous.
Okay. You're scaring me.
Why did you scribble like
that on the sign-in sheet?
That's how I sign my name!
Hm. You'll make a great doctor.
August, what's your timeline?
What could we do here?
If the, uh, PKT patterns
from the Owens house
continue to replicate those
recorded before the, uh
the untimely passing of Ross Parsons,
it will peak roughly four hours.
She likes to keep to her schedule.
Yeah, she has to.
Gotta take a lot out of you, structuring
destinies to smite your enemies.
- You'd need some recovery time, too.
- Three days.
Then your eye lights up,
see your next target and
boing!
Sorry.
But remember: she's a watchmaker.
She has to kill in
the order of the list.
Anything messes up the schedule,
or the order, it's a problem.
Enormous problem.
Game changer.
You guys know how dumb
this sounds, right?
The truth can be dumb.
But that doesn't stop it
from being, you know, true.
Now, see, if you would have said that,
it would have come off
all brilliant and ironic.
Delivery.
Okay. Check this out.
Meter readers. Cable
guys. Jehovah's Witnesses.
All of them entered
Catherine's house at some point
and all of them died from a
bizarre accident afterwards.
This lady is a
Dahmer-scale mass murderer,
but since everything
looks like an accident,
- nobody ever noticed.
- I've never even met her!
And didn't you say
she was already in jail
- when I went to the open house?
- When you went inside,
she saw you.
The house had marked you somehow.
Now she's aware of where you are.
Probably not a constant awareness.
I mean, structuring events
in the mind? That's one thing.
Omniscient awareness? [SUCKS TEETH]
That's reserved for God.
And Facebook.
She is not watching you right
now but she will be soon.
Yeah. In four hours.
So,
that's when she takes something
like Phil's tablet stylus
and pokes it into my frontal lobe?
- [STYLUS HITS CHAIR]
- Dude!
- Why is she doing this?
- I don't know.
- So what if it doesn't?
- What?
What if it fails?
What if it gets off schedule
or out of sequence
What happens then?
That's an interesting question.
Watchmakers need everything
in sequence, in order.
[BASS RUMBLE]
AUGUST: One, two, three.
But if we interrupt that order
One, two four.
You throw it into a loop.
What kind of a loop?
Imagine a computer with a
spinning wheel that never ends,
searching for an answer
it can never find.
An electronic stroke.
[UPLIFTING MUSIC]
[FOOTSTEPS]
I know that this is a desperate time
and I really want to be
here for both of you, but
I just got a cash offer on Calabasas,
20 grand above asking.
Would it be in horribly
bad taste if I ?
Go, for crying out loud.
Go. Take care of business.
She powerful enough to get
past Zooey, we are all doomed.
[MEGAN SIGHS]
Where're you going?
To the bathroom.
One door away.
You removed everything sharp,
including the hand soap.
[CONSTRUCTION SOUNDS]
[PHONE RINGING]
Hey. Don't be mad.
- What are you, crazy? What are you do?
- Look, I remembered:
today's the last day to register
for my endocrinology lab.
I needed to get that lab in
person or my year is shot!
Okay, you can be all mad at me
when I get back.
This is your life.
I'm fine! I gotta go.
[GASPS]
Oops! Sorry.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
CONTRUCTION WORKER:
Hey-hey-hey. Whoa-whoa-whoa.
[HEAVY SIGH]
[GASP; SCREAM]
[EXCITED VOICES]
[EMOTIONAL MUSIC]
[HEAVY DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN]
[FOREBODING MUSIC]
Well,
aren't we a little dark raincloud today.
[DOOR LOCKS]
Why?
She did nothing to you and
she meant nothing to you.
Before I dispatched
that little shit-weasel
who watched me in the shower,
hardly anyone entered my house.
I was hungry.
But now I have real estate people,
lookers, shoppers
Soon I'll have a family.
And they'll all have horrible accidents.
And the whole wonderful dance
will begin again.
Precisely
three
days
at a time.
[CHAIR SCRAPES VIOLENTLY
ACROSS CEMENT FLOOR]
You loved her, didn't you?
[RHYTHMIC TAPPING CONTINUES]
Better to have loved and lost,
no?
[DARK, FOREBODING MUSIC]
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC]
[DOOR OPENING]
[WHOOSHES]
SECURITY OFFICER:
Need a medic in visits!
Code blue! Medic in visits! Code Blue!
Code blue! Medic!
[MUSIC FADES OUT]
It's the Calabasas commission.
Ooh. Doing deposits this afternoon.
By the way, Luke approved
a bonus for you on it.
You earned it.
Thank you so much for assigning
a dollar value to my dignity.
[ENVELOPE RUSTLING]
Ooh. Not bad.
[PAPER RUSTLING]
That's odd.
What?
[DIALING PHONE NUMBER]
[LINE TRILLING]
LATTIMORE: James Lattimore.
Mr. Lattimore, you are Edwin
Calabasas' attorney, correct?
- That is correct.
- This is Susan Ireland.
I just received a commission
from a property we sold
for Mister Calabasas?
The Edwin Calabasas Memorial Trust
has real estate holdings
all over the world.
I assume they hired you.
I actually dealt with
Mister Calabasas directly.
Ah-ha. That's not possible, Ms. Ireland.
Mister Calabasas passed
on eight years ago.
Will there be anything else?
Un, no, that's everything. Thank you!
So, to recap,
we got hired by a ghost
to cleanse his house
of the people who were haunting it.
Hey, as long as the check clears.
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
So, what just happened?
She's a watchmaker.
She knew you'd be dead,
yet she saw you alive.
Enough of a paradox to
send her into a loop.
Forever?
Well, way beyond Catherine
Owens' expiration.
Good.
I'd hate to have died in vain.
["AYE AYE AYE" BY BODYSHAKES PLAYS]
Well, I-I-I-I wanna make you cry ♪
But I, I, I, I gotta take my time ♪
Yeah, you ♪
got a lot to say ♪
I'm gonna break it down, baby ♪
And I bet you that
we're all the same. ♪
♪
["AYE AYE AYE" FADES OUT]
[DOORS CLOSE]
That was a hell of a performance.
Oh, you killed it.
So, now what?
Well, first off, we need
to find you a proper home.
One without devil dogs,
aggressive fireplaces,
strange noises, or any
members of my immediate family.
Ah! Sounds dreamy.
[LAUGHS]
Could it have a whirlpool tub?
Jeez.
Clients, man!
[LAUGHING]
[CAR STARTS]
["AYE AYE AYE" REPRISE]