The A-Team (1983) s01e06 Episode Script
Black Day at Bad Rock
[Man.]
Ten years ago, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn"t commit.
These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[Face.]
We"ll be in Bad Rock in a couple of minutes.
How is he? [Hannibal.]
Blood pressure"s 90 over 30 and dropping fast.
We gotta get him some blood.
Gonna need for the Faceman to change his name.
Yeah, to Broken Face.
- Come on, B.
A.
It wasn't my fault.
- You were supposed to be the rear guard.
You messed up bad.
Now I have to mess you up.
- It's the law.
- Oh, brother.
[B.
A.
.]
Face is gonna pay.
Face is gonna pay.
Face is gonna pay.
Wait.
Keep him up there.
I got one leg.
[B.
A.
Panting.]
[Groans.]
[Face.]
These things happen, man.
Remember that time in 'Nam when you were supposed to be watching the back door of that Chinese dance hall? And I slipped and cut myself on that Coke bottle that you dropped.
Did I get mad? No.
These things happen.
[Knocking.]
- Who is it? - [Face.]
We need a doctor! lt"s an emergency! - Is Dr Sullivan in? - I'm Dr Sullivan.
Bring him in.
- I don't want no lady doctor to work on me.
- Ignore him.
He's in shock.
Hunting accident.
Shot in the leg.
He's lost a lot of blood, Doctor.
All right, bring him here.
Put him on the table.
How long ago did it happen? Was he unconscious for any length of time? No.
Can you help him? Better hope so, sucker! [Groaning Continues.]
Get that light for me, would you? - Just lie still.
- [Continues Groaning.]
We're with you, buddy.
It's gonna be all right.
- I promise.
- You better not promise, Face.
You better pray! You guys wanna get outta here so I can get to work? It was my fault.
It was nobody's fault.
We got the client out alive.
That's what counts.
You're not the one he wants to bust into little pieces.
- Did you see the look in his eye? - Oh, yeah.
Scary.
[Sighs.]
Hannibal, you you'll talk him out of it, won't you? Face, if anybody could talk B.
A.
out of anything he'd be a professional wrestler.
Now, give him some time.
He'll He'll cool off.
The worst thing that could happen to you is that he's gonna take a couple of swings at you.
One oughta do it.
Face, B.
A.
loves you.
- Yeah He does? - He told me so himself.
- How is he, Doc? - Not very good.
Your friend has a.
50-calibre hole in his leg.
I had to tie off an artery.
It took 60 stitches to close him up.
What were you hunting? Elephants? - Quail.
- Uh, you know, uh [Sputters.]
Doc, how soon can we take him out of here? He needs blood.
I can't locate any AB negative.
It's a very unusual type.
He's a very unusual guy.
We'll get you the blood, and then we'll take him out of here.
No, I'm sorry.
He's not going anywhere until I can stabilize him.
AB negative is a very rare blood type.
We'll be lucky if we can come up with a pint of it.
We happen to know a very rare guy who has that type of blood.
How are we gonna get Murdock up here? Amy'll get him out of the hospital for us.
Can I use your phone, Doc? [Phone Ringing.]
[Hannibal On Phone.]
Amy Allen, please.
Where are you guys? I was getting worried.
We got in a firefight.
We need Murdock.
You're gonna have to get him out of the hospital for us.
Me? By myself? Just call him up and tell him, "Red Ball One, bag is leaking.
" - Got that? - Come on, Hannibal.
Let me in on it.
You just tell Murdock.
He'll know what to do.
We're in Bad Rock with a a doctor named Sullivan.
Got it? Got it.
Hello, Jack? This is Mo Sullivan.
Is the sheriff in? [Man.]
Yeah, Mo, he"s here.
l- l"ll get him for ya.
Hey, Sheriff.
Doc Sullivan's on the phone.
She wants to talk at ya.
[Laughing.]
You better answer the phone, Sheriff.
You ain't got much time left.
Ain't no way the Barbarians are gonna let you put me on ice for the feds.
No way.
You're in it, man.
[Laughing.]
You are in it bad.
Nobody's comin' back for you, punk.
Yeah, Mo.
What's up? Uh, Hank, I could have some trouble here.
A couple of guys brought somebody into my house this morning.
- He's been pretty badly shot up.
- Is it this motorcycle gang? The guy who was shot could be.
He's got a Mohawk and about two tons of gold and bad manners.
I'll be over in a couple of minutes.
Goin' over to Doc Sullivan's.
Nobody comes through that door but me.
[Laughing.]
Man, that old tub of lard can't stand up to my boys.
We will eat that pig for lunch.
[Laughing.]
Gin.
Face! Doctor, is he any better? No.
And he's not going to be until that other friend of yours gets here and gives him some blood.
Doctor, we've got to ask your confidence on this.
Nobody can know.
As soon as he's well enough to move, we'll get him out of here.
We'll pay cash $5,000.
Is that enough? I'm not interested in your money.
I just want to know what happened to my patient.
I haven't seen a wound like that since Vietnam.
You were in Vietnam.
You must've been a captain.
You'll forgive me if I don't salute.
He's a colonel.
Freeze it or lose it.
Raise 'em nice and slow.
Stick 'em up, Colonel.
Search him, Mo.
Nine-millimetre! It's nice.
No doubt about it.
You're on a cold streak here.
'Course you realize when we run these prints through, we are gonna find out who you guys are.
I told you before, we're ballet dancers.
That guy over at Doc's is our choreographer.
Yeah, we had a nasty audience.
I don't think they liked our pas de deux.
Opened up on us from the first row with a.
50-calibre machine gun.
All right, let's go.
Cover me.
Mm-hmm.
Punch these clowns up on the computer.
Run their prints for outstanding warrants.
[Chuckles.]
All right! More dog meat for the party.
You see, we're throwin' this little party.
Y'all are invited.
Who's the 200-pound cockroach? He's in more trouble than you guys.
Pulled him over for speeding and ran his prints.
He's got outstanding warrants for Murder One in two states.
[Laughs.]
You ain't gettin' me to trial, man.
My boys are gonna come in here and bust me out.
Oh, we'll get you there, Jenko.
Bet on it.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is Deputy Harmson.
l"ve got a couple of guys down here I want you to run through your computer.
Waste of time, Deputy.
We have friends in very high places.
- [Alarm Ringing.]
- [Man On P.
A.
.]
Lockdown.
Lockdown.
Patient Murdock escaping from video game and arcade room.
[Alarm Continues Ringing.]
Pedal to the metal, sweetheart! [Sirens Blaring.]
[Harmson.]
Okay.
Yeah.
Thanks a lot.
[Chuckling.]
Oh, Sheriff, that was Military Intelligence.
Would you believe they've been looking for them two yahoos since the end of the Vietnam War? No kiddin'? For what? [Chuckles.]
Robbin' the Bank of Hanoi.
They"re gonna send some M.
P.
s over here.
They oughta be here some time late this afternoon.
[Thompson.]
Good.
I don"t wanna have to sit on anyone but Sonny Jenko.
[Harmson.]
Well, listen.
Military Intelligence said we best keep our eye on that white-haired fellow.
That is John "Hannibal" Smith.
Colonel.
He"s some kind of escape artist or somethin'.
I mean, he already busted out of Fort Bragg once.
Nobody's gonna break out of my jail.
Come on, Colonel.
The Bank of Hanoi? Yeah.
We kinda liked that one ourselves.
- Could say we had a yen for some extra money.
- [Groans.]
[Thompson.]
Yeah, well, you"ll have a chance to tell that all to the military court.
We have some M.
P.
s comin"up here to take you guys back home to your stockade.
No offence, Sheriff, but that's been tried before.
You"re not breakin"outta here, Smith.
[Sighs.]
They already told us how you and your guys broke out of Fort Bragg.
- My jail's different.
- [Laughs.]
Sheriff, you gotta be kiddin' about this place.
I could break outta here on horseback.
- Here you go, kid.
- Well, I'll take my chances, Houdini.
Wanna put some money on that? Twenty dollars says he can do it.
Cro-Magnon there can hold the money for us.
You got a real mouth on you, kid.
My boys break me outta here I'm gonna come over there and shut it myself! You expectin' company, Sheriff? We might stick around.
Nobody"s comin" back for that creep.
His gang"s long gone.
And you're not goin' anywhere, either, Colonel.
Uh, never underestimate your enemy, Sheriff.
- Overconfidence is a real killer.
- I think General Custer said that.
Don't worry about me.
Just worry about what you're gonna say to the military court when they send you up for life.
I never worry.
But if slimy over there is right we could be taking on a little water.
Gin.
[Men Hooting, Cheering.]
All right! Now we got the sheriff cut off completely from the rest of the world! - Yeah.
- Let's go get Sonny.
We swing by Bernie's Café.
We pick up the rest of the brothers.
We go in and take that town down to the sewers.
- [All Shouting, Cheering.]
- Crank "em up! Okay, baby.
I'll see you tonight.
Oh, good.
I'm glad you're back.
I-I was afraid to leave these guys alone.
That was Doc Sullivan.
She's still trying to locate some blood for that buddy of theirs that was shot up.
And once he's stabilized, we'll move him in here and hold him for the M.
P.
s.
Mmm.
What time are the feds comin' by for Jenko? Maybe tonight, early morning.
They got to, uh, swing by Sacramento and pick up some extradition papers.
Hmm.
You know, Sheriff, it it just doesn't seem right to me.
I mean, the Barbarians just lettin"us take their boss away like that I mean, without even throwin' a few rocks or somethin'.
The Barbarians are punks.
They don't have the guts.
Hmm.
Well, I hope you're right.
[Clears Throat.]
All right, boys.
It's feedin' time at the zoo.
Everybody get up and let's have a little lunch here.
Wake up, Colonel.
It's lunch-time.
- Oh, I'd, uh, forget the colonel.
He went out to lunch.
- Oh What? Yeah.
You really shouldn"t leave guys like us unattended.
Hey, Sheriff, get over here! [Shuddering.]
Damn! Let's go.
Uh, don't forget.
You owe me 20 bucks.
- Nice work, Hannibal.
- Thanks.
[Laughing.]
Set up the squad car.
I'll call That won"t be necessary, Sheriff.
Now, keep your hands right where they are.
- Over there.
Side by side.
- How did you get outta there? Claustrophobia.
Tight places give me the creeps.
All right, gentlemen.
Step into our finest room.
No phones, no pool, no pets, but you're gonna love your new neighbour.
Face, get over to the van.
Get on the radio.
- Murdock should be in range by now.
- Gotcha.
Hey, man, let me outta here.
I'll make sure you got a motorcycle escort all the way to the state line.
- No deal.
I couldn't stand the smell.
- You're gonna pay for that, man! I'm gonna cut you a cheque next time I'm at the bank, man.
Sorry, Sheriff.
We just don't get on well with military police.
But as soon as l"m out of town, l"ll drop the keys to someone and have "em get you out.
You're never gettin' away with this.
Feds are coming, so are the M.
P.
s.
You'll never make it out of the county.
Maybe.
But I gotta try.
It's something that stems from my childhood.
I just gotta play against the house.
So long, lizard breath.
How much farther? Five, 10 miles.
Take Junction 82 south.
What do you think happened? I don't know.
It was supposed to be a simple gig.
There was no air support, no nothin'.
Just spring some oil man's son from his kidnappers.
But we got a "Red Ball One.
" That's big trouble.
"Bag's leaking" means one of the team took some lead.
Well, it couldn't have been Hannibal.
He made the call.
Nope.
Hannibal's not the one under the gun.
Um, give me that radio down there, would ya, hot potato? We should be in range pretty soon.
Shootin' it out at high noon, maybe we can raise the van pull the A-Team outta the can.
- Did you get 'em yet? - No.
They must still be out of range.
Keep workin' on it.
I'll try to soften up the doc before she calls in the heat.
[Radio Static.]
- How do you feel? - Feel pretty weak, mama.
Well, you'll be getting some strength back as soon as we get you some blood.
What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in jail? Sorry, Doctor.
We're gonna have to do things my way.
But don't worry; I won't hurt you.
How're you doin', B.
A.
? - Hangin' in there? - Real tired, man.
Leg hurt bad.
- We'll get you home real soon.
- Nobody seems to be listening to me.
I told you, the man cannot be moved until he gets some blood.
Will you get the fire out of your eye, Doc? We got some blood on the way.
- Hannibal always comes through.
- Murdock'll be here right away.
- You're the same blood type.
We'll do a transfusion and get you on your feet.
- Murdock? - You're both AB negative, remember? - I ain't swappin' blood with that sucker! He's crazy! B.
A.
, he"s the only donor we have, unless we"re gonna get you into Cedars-Sinai.
You have very special blood.
I ain't gonna let you pump none of Murdock's crazy juice in me.
- No way, man.
He's nuts.
- No, he isn't, B.
A.
Not really.
This is Howling Mad, flyin' high cover on the Red Ball One.
I'm comin' in low and sideways to plug the bag.
A-Team in need, do you read? Outta range.
That's kinda strange.
Uh, Murdock, what is with all the poetry? Yeah, I noticed that too.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I got my words, and my brain's workin' fine.
But when the words come out, they want to rhyme.
- Oh.
- [Face On Radio.]
Murdock, is that you? Come in.
This is your man, Howling Mad.
What's the buzz, Face? [Face.]
Listen.
B.
A.
"s been hit.
We need some of your AB negative.
There"s a doctor"s house on your left as you come through town.
l"ll be waitin" for you.
No need to wait, Face.
I think this is the place.
Okay, he's inside.
[Hannibal.]
B.
A.
, you lie still.
Man, I'm warnin' y'all for the last time.
I don't want this sucker's blood in me.
It's gonna make me crazy just like he is.
It's not gonna make you crazy, B.
A.
It's just gonna make you mellow.
You could even room with me at the V.
A.
I'll have them bring in an extra bunk and you and I can watch the walls melt.
- Hannibal! - Lay off, will ya, Murdock? Lay off what? This man has a chance for greatness.
My bodily fluids are in great demand by the finest minds of our time.
I give a fresh specimen to the V.
A.
every week.
Worst that can happen is he starts to hear things that he don"t see and rhyme his words just like me.
- Gonna get you for this, Face! - What are you talking about? Faceman messed up.
That"s why I got shot.
That's why I need this sucker's blood.
Gonna make me crazy, just like he is.
That's why the Faceman gotta pay.
Hannibal, I'll go get the van ready to transport him.
Try and cool him down for me, will ya? My blood'll cool him down for you, Face.
[B.
A.
Groaning.]
Gonna get you for this, Face.
I can feel myself gettin' crazy already.
Yeah, first your ears start to ring and then, every once in a while, your eyes start to fog over and you start to rhyme your words.
You're nuts, man.
Who ever heard of me rhymin' my words? That's the craziest thing I ever heard.
My ears don't ring.
I don't hear a thing.
- Uh-huh.
- Hey, wait a minute, sucker! You see? Foam the runway! B.
A.
is comin' in! [Makes Aeroplane Noise.]
Let me know when your eyes start to fog.
B.
A.
, Murdock's blood is not gonna do a thing to you.
Blood is blood.
It's all the same.
You know, it's red No, it ain't.
Mine is special.
Once upon a time, I didn't have a dime.
My head went crazy.
They said I was lazy, but I'm gettin' by, on the fly Murdock, knock it off! You're diggin' my grave here with B.
A.
Rock 'n' roll.
[Groaning.]
You know you shouldn't move him.
We have no choice.
I know it doesn't seem like it, Doc, but we are the guys in the white hats.
Then why are you wanted by the military police? It's a long story, and no one wants to listen.
We're on the run.
If any of us get caught, we get Uh, that's supposed to be some sort of macho pass, and now I'm supposed to blush, right? I don't make passes.
Or promises.
The mystery man just sort of rides off into the sunset like the last reel of Happy Trails.
Yeah.
Somethin' like that.
But in the meantime, you'll have to wait.
Wait! Oh, that's real cute, Hannibal! Let me out of here! - [Pounding.]
- Uh, I'll let you out of there as soon as I can.
And if it helps any putting you in the closet was not my first choice.
Oh, well, that"s just real great! Meanwhile, that"s where I am! In the closet! - I'm sorry, Doc.
- Hannibal! Come on! Let me out of here! Stop foolin"around! - Murdock? - Yeah, Colonel.
The local sheriff turned us over to the military police.
They could be on us anytime.
If you see any heat comin' in I want you to peel off and get Amy out of there.
# You in the army now You not behind the plough # # You never get rich by diggin' a ditch # # You in the army now ## Those creeps are probably here to bust their boss out of jail.
- The sheriff's gonna be dog meat.
- Yeah, he is, isn't he? - You know, I've been thinkin' about that.
- Me too.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I mean, he didn't do anything wrong, and it's not nice to lock somebody up in their own jail.
Poor guy"s just tryin" to do his job.
- Turn in? - Yeah.
Gotta.
Face, pull in by that crane.
[Face.]
Right.
Amy, you stay with B.
A.
Murdock, do you think you could fire this crane up? - If it had wings, I could fly it.
- Murdock? - No problem, Colonel.
- Face, see if that cable will move to the other side.
- What are we doing? - We're gonna slow these Barbarians down so we can get back to the sheriff and help him dig in for the attack.
But aren't the military police on their way? Interesting, isn't it? [Engine Starts.]
[Shouting, Chattering.]
[Tapping Glass.]
[Tapping Glass.]
You guys are gonna have to move these bikes 16 feet from this kerb.
[All Laughing.]
- That's state regulations, you know.
- Get your face outta here, worm! Really? Okay, I'll move 'em myself.
[All Laughing.]
[Chattering Continues.]
[Laughing Continues.]
[Tarzan Yell.]
- Hey! Hey! - What! [Indistinct Shouting.]
[Indistinct Shouting.]
Hey! Get up there in that crane! Get those bikes down! All right, get those guys up on their feet! Come on! Don't just stand there! Help 'em! Come on! Well, I guess that should hold them up for a couple of hours.
Well, how's my blood brother doin'? - I ain't your blood brother.
- Sure you are, brother.
You got Howlin' Mad's blood in your veins.
You just wait till the clouds catch fire.
It's gonna be like the Fourth of July! My, my! Hey, Hannibal, will you make this sucker shut up? That sheriff's gonna be hard to deal with.
They get a little testy when you lock 'em up in their own cells.
Well, Amy'll just smile at him.
Right, kid? - Get his heart thawed out for us.
- Amy will what? We all use what we got, kid.
Hey, Face, look at that abandoned real estate office.
Could be a double for the sheriff"s office.
We might work a shell game on these geeks.
Could.
We are dealin' with double-digit I.
Q.
s here.
Ah, but that'll take some time, Hannibal.
We got M.
P.
s on the way.
We'd have to have a couple two, three hours in order to Ah, it's just a set dressing problem.
Nothing to it.
Amy, bring Dr Sullivan back here.
I thought I was supposed to charm the sheriff.
Uh, we better soothe him a little first.
[Thompson.]
You came back.
- That's right.
- Okay, I'll bite.
Why? You were supposed to count to a hundred and yell "Ready or not, here I come.
" Now, Sheriff, if you're not gonna play the game - we're gonna play in someone else's town.
- That's very funny.
The Barbarians are about 10 miles up the road.
There's 20 or 30 of'em.
They're comin' back here on a garbage run to pick up this piece of trash.
- If I read "em right, they"re gonna take your town apart.
- [Laughs.]
All right! Yes! Now we are cookin"! Now things are lookin"right! Sheriff, you ever seen the Barbarians on a run, man? It is beautiful! Beautiful! [Laughs.]
'Course, we're a little hard on cops and civilized women.
Hey, fat lip, button it! - [Bullet Ricocheting.]
- I can blow you away right here.
I'm not a cop.
I'm a fugitive.
And every now and then, I like to drop the hammer on a piece of dirt.
You are nuts, man! Well, what's your story, man! Hi.
I'm the blood lady.
I give blood to guys with holes in 'em, and perhaps we can do business, muchacho.
Because I got a feelin' you're gonna be leakin' from three or four holes in a minute.
Our rates are low.
It's $20 a pint.
We've got a special on if you buy in bulk.
Now, here's the deal.
We'll let you out and help you with the bikers, and you forget you ever saw us.
If you let me out, what's to prevent me from bringing in the National Guard and bustin' the whole bunch of you? The Barbarians have cut the phone lines.
The radio in our van can't get over the mountains.
Which means yours probably can't, either.
But you know that.
We're kind of in the same boat, Sheriff.
You read the printout on us.
We were a combat team in "Nam.
We're weapons and tactics experts.
We enjoy a challenge.
- How much time we got? - About an hour and a half.
[Sighs.]
I can't make a deal with a wanted man.
I can't agree to have fugitives protect this town.
- l"m a police officer.
- Sheriff, if I were you, I would not debate technicalities.
Sheriff, those Barbarians are killers.
I mean, a lot of people in this town could get hurt.
And we're locked up in here.
Okay, let me out.
First I want your handshake you're not gonna pull down on us with your badge and gun.
A handshake isn't exactly a binding agreement.
When you live on the edge, you learn to make fast evaluations.
Your life depends on "em.
My take on you is your handshake is your bond.
[Sullivan.]
Hey! Who"s out there? - Well, thanks a whole lot! - Look, I know you're angry.
Lady, angry doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tough.
The Barbarians are They're planning to come in here and burn this town down.
Hannibal and the others could've gone on, but they came back to help.
So you were stuck in a closet for an hour.
Big deal.
How's my patient? Better.
He's starting to growl again.
Barbarians, huh? Well, that should liven up the pace around here for a Sunday afternoon.
[Hannibal.]
Nah, you're not gonna have to move Jenko.
All you gotta do is stuff a sock in his mouth.
Not move him? They're gonna roll in here and shoot up this jail.
No, they're not.
They're gonna roll in here and shoot up that vacant real estate office on the corner across the street.
- They are, huh? - You betcha.
- Why are they gonna do that? - Well, they're gonna do that 'cause they're gonna think it's the sheriff's office.
[Making Engine Noises.]
[Screeches.]
Gonna need speakers, man.
Big ones.
They gotta sound real good.
I'll do the best I can, but Hey, Faceman, when my blood brother says he wants a I wanna be close to the mechanical stuff.
But I'm gonna need somebody to wheel me around.
Hey, hey, hey, I am a pilot! [Makes Aeroplane Noise.]
I'm not a nurse's aide.
I respectfully refuse on the grounds that I'm not strong enough to wheel this big, mean, ugly mudsucker around.
Besides, I lost blood and I feel faint.
You better do it, or I'll take the rest of your blood the hard way! Well, on the other hand, blood is thicker than water.
- What do ya say, Doc? - Hank, what's happening? Well, near as I figure, in about an hour from now, we're gonna have our hands full.
That abandoned real estate office will give us our best tactical advantage.
The best field of fire is in the church steeple at the other end of town.
So we'll run 'em down there, turn the grizzlies around and then run 'em through a very special gauntlet.
If you ladies'll wait in the office, the sheriff'll bring you some paint.
I'm gonna check out the church steeple.
We better get going.
We haven't got much time.
- Put me down, fool! Put me down! - Shut up! Put me down! Slow it down, fool! I don't understand.
A motorcycle gang? That fella I got in jail, he's their leader.
They're comin' back to bust him out.
- Why don't you call for help? - We can't.
They busted all the phone lines.
- We're completely cut off.
- We're gonna need some hardware supplies.
But first I want you to get everybody in town and tell 'em what's going on.
Then get the women and children in vehicles and get them out of town.
- Jack here'll help you.
- Right.
Gonna need that metal platin'.
And get me some of this audio wire.
You know, I just love you.
We are brothers under the skin, aren't we? Come on, sucker! I ain't got time for your crazy rap! Ooh! - What are these for? - Grills.
They make great grills.
- Grills? - I thought we'd have barbecued Barbarian for brunch.
[Voice Echoing On Speaker.]
Testing.
One, two, three.
Hey, Sheriff, look.
Five thousand? It's on a 110 line.
Packaging is everything, Sheriff.
Here you go, B.
A.
A.
44 for ya.
That still don't make us even, sucker.
- Oh, come on, brother.
Go easy on Face.
- I ain't your brother! Let's get him in the church steeple.
I just want you to know, you're a welcome addition to my family.
Oh, shut up and get out of here.
Keep pushin'.
Push, push! Don't drop me! That's all we have.
What are you gonna do with this toilet paper? - Detour an access road.
- What? Sheriff, if you ignore the obvious, you can get away with anything.
- Not bad, huh? - Hope it works.
- It'll work.
- B.
A.
's in church.
And if you don't mind, Hannibal, sir, I'd like to be up there with him.
At a time like this, one should be with his family.
I understand, Captain, but war is hell.
- You'll have to stay with the forward echelon.
- I understand, sir.
Face, you and Murdock put up that paper wall then get a good field of fire out of that joint there.
- Murdock, you know where you start.
- Yes, sir.
I sure hope this goes down before the M.
P.
s arrive.
Face, B.
A.
, don't drop the hammers on 'em till they"re close enough you can spit on "em, okay? Here they come.
Hey, Hannibal, here comes the meat.
They're hangin' a right on Main.
We've come for our brother Sonny! Let him out, or we take this town apart! You pigs want Jenko? Then climb off your tricycles and come in and get him.
You sound like you wanna die, pig.
[Hannibal On Speaker.]
Nah, I just wanna squeeze you marshmallows outta my town.
Now, come on.
l"m in here.
Let"s go.
Unless you muscle heads arejust long on tough talk and short on guts.
There's only two of you! There are 30 of us! I don't think you got the gas to keep Jenko in there! [Hannibal On Speaker.]
Maybe.
Maybe not.
But there"s one real easy way for you to find out.
You want him, you got him.
Let"s go! First door on your right.
And try not to drool on the rug.
Wejust had it cleaned.
You're gonna eat it, Sheriff! And I'm gonna feed you to the brothers for dessert! - [Hannibal On Speaker.]
Remind me to tip the waitress.
- [Shouting.]
- They're leaving.
- Nah, just gettin' a running start.
[Shouting, Hooting.]
Watch this.
[Grunts.]
Okay, Murdock, you're on.
[Clucking.]
Say, do any of you creeps know the way to San Jose? [Clucking.]
Catch me if you can! [Continues Clucking.]
[Face.]
Don"t anybody move a muscle! Don"t even think about it! [Grunts.]
And the winner of the game would holler chicken! [Clucking.]
Welcome to Bad Rock, pal.
- Thanks, Hannibal.
- No thanks.
Just turn your back for a second.
What do you want me to tell the military? Well, if you hear from a guy named Lynch tell him his mother wears combat boots.
See ya, Doc.
Boy, is old Lynch gonna burn after this one.
He'll go cuckoo.
Yeah.
I hear there's a lot of that goin' around.
Right, brother? - I ain't your brother! - Ah, come on, B.
A.
It worked, didn't it? Murdock's blood might even add a little colour to your life.
Don't need no colour.
Got enough already.
Plus I owe you one.
Then we be even.
[Sirens Blaring.]
[Groans.]
Ten years ago, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn"t commit.
These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.
Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them maybe you can hire the A-Team.
[Face.]
We"ll be in Bad Rock in a couple of minutes.
How is he? [Hannibal.]
Blood pressure"s 90 over 30 and dropping fast.
We gotta get him some blood.
Gonna need for the Faceman to change his name.
Yeah, to Broken Face.
- Come on, B.
A.
It wasn't my fault.
- You were supposed to be the rear guard.
You messed up bad.
Now I have to mess you up.
- It's the law.
- Oh, brother.
[B.
A.
.]
Face is gonna pay.
Face is gonna pay.
Face is gonna pay.
Wait.
Keep him up there.
I got one leg.
[B.
A.
Panting.]
[Groans.]
[Face.]
These things happen, man.
Remember that time in 'Nam when you were supposed to be watching the back door of that Chinese dance hall? And I slipped and cut myself on that Coke bottle that you dropped.
Did I get mad? No.
These things happen.
[Knocking.]
- Who is it? - [Face.]
We need a doctor! lt"s an emergency! - Is Dr Sullivan in? - I'm Dr Sullivan.
Bring him in.
- I don't want no lady doctor to work on me.
- Ignore him.
He's in shock.
Hunting accident.
Shot in the leg.
He's lost a lot of blood, Doctor.
All right, bring him here.
Put him on the table.
How long ago did it happen? Was he unconscious for any length of time? No.
Can you help him? Better hope so, sucker! [Groaning Continues.]
Get that light for me, would you? - Just lie still.
- [Continues Groaning.]
We're with you, buddy.
It's gonna be all right.
- I promise.
- You better not promise, Face.
You better pray! You guys wanna get outta here so I can get to work? It was my fault.
It was nobody's fault.
We got the client out alive.
That's what counts.
You're not the one he wants to bust into little pieces.
- Did you see the look in his eye? - Oh, yeah.
Scary.
[Sighs.]
Hannibal, you you'll talk him out of it, won't you? Face, if anybody could talk B.
A.
out of anything he'd be a professional wrestler.
Now, give him some time.
He'll He'll cool off.
The worst thing that could happen to you is that he's gonna take a couple of swings at you.
One oughta do it.
Face, B.
A.
loves you.
- Yeah He does? - He told me so himself.
- How is he, Doc? - Not very good.
Your friend has a.
50-calibre hole in his leg.
I had to tie off an artery.
It took 60 stitches to close him up.
What were you hunting? Elephants? - Quail.
- Uh, you know, uh [Sputters.]
Doc, how soon can we take him out of here? He needs blood.
I can't locate any AB negative.
It's a very unusual type.
He's a very unusual guy.
We'll get you the blood, and then we'll take him out of here.
No, I'm sorry.
He's not going anywhere until I can stabilize him.
AB negative is a very rare blood type.
We'll be lucky if we can come up with a pint of it.
We happen to know a very rare guy who has that type of blood.
How are we gonna get Murdock up here? Amy'll get him out of the hospital for us.
Can I use your phone, Doc? [Phone Ringing.]
[Hannibal On Phone.]
Amy Allen, please.
Where are you guys? I was getting worried.
We got in a firefight.
We need Murdock.
You're gonna have to get him out of the hospital for us.
Me? By myself? Just call him up and tell him, "Red Ball One, bag is leaking.
" - Got that? - Come on, Hannibal.
Let me in on it.
You just tell Murdock.
He'll know what to do.
We're in Bad Rock with a a doctor named Sullivan.
Got it? Got it.
Hello, Jack? This is Mo Sullivan.
Is the sheriff in? [Man.]
Yeah, Mo, he"s here.
l- l"ll get him for ya.
Hey, Sheriff.
Doc Sullivan's on the phone.
She wants to talk at ya.
[Laughing.]
You better answer the phone, Sheriff.
You ain't got much time left.
Ain't no way the Barbarians are gonna let you put me on ice for the feds.
No way.
You're in it, man.
[Laughing.]
You are in it bad.
Nobody's comin' back for you, punk.
Yeah, Mo.
What's up? Uh, Hank, I could have some trouble here.
A couple of guys brought somebody into my house this morning.
- He's been pretty badly shot up.
- Is it this motorcycle gang? The guy who was shot could be.
He's got a Mohawk and about two tons of gold and bad manners.
I'll be over in a couple of minutes.
Goin' over to Doc Sullivan's.
Nobody comes through that door but me.
[Laughing.]
Man, that old tub of lard can't stand up to my boys.
We will eat that pig for lunch.
[Laughing.]
Gin.
Face! Doctor, is he any better? No.
And he's not going to be until that other friend of yours gets here and gives him some blood.
Doctor, we've got to ask your confidence on this.
Nobody can know.
As soon as he's well enough to move, we'll get him out of here.
We'll pay cash $5,000.
Is that enough? I'm not interested in your money.
I just want to know what happened to my patient.
I haven't seen a wound like that since Vietnam.
You were in Vietnam.
You must've been a captain.
You'll forgive me if I don't salute.
He's a colonel.
Freeze it or lose it.
Raise 'em nice and slow.
Stick 'em up, Colonel.
Search him, Mo.
Nine-millimetre! It's nice.
No doubt about it.
You're on a cold streak here.
'Course you realize when we run these prints through, we are gonna find out who you guys are.
I told you before, we're ballet dancers.
That guy over at Doc's is our choreographer.
Yeah, we had a nasty audience.
I don't think they liked our pas de deux.
Opened up on us from the first row with a.
50-calibre machine gun.
All right, let's go.
Cover me.
Mm-hmm.
Punch these clowns up on the computer.
Run their prints for outstanding warrants.
[Chuckles.]
All right! More dog meat for the party.
You see, we're throwin' this little party.
Y'all are invited.
Who's the 200-pound cockroach? He's in more trouble than you guys.
Pulled him over for speeding and ran his prints.
He's got outstanding warrants for Murder One in two states.
[Laughs.]
You ain't gettin' me to trial, man.
My boys are gonna come in here and bust me out.
Oh, we'll get you there, Jenko.
Bet on it.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah, this is Deputy Harmson.
l"ve got a couple of guys down here I want you to run through your computer.
Waste of time, Deputy.
We have friends in very high places.
- [Alarm Ringing.]
- [Man On P.
A.
.]
Lockdown.
Lockdown.
Patient Murdock escaping from video game and arcade room.
[Alarm Continues Ringing.]
Pedal to the metal, sweetheart! [Sirens Blaring.]
[Harmson.]
Okay.
Yeah.
Thanks a lot.
[Chuckling.]
Oh, Sheriff, that was Military Intelligence.
Would you believe they've been looking for them two yahoos since the end of the Vietnam War? No kiddin'? For what? [Chuckles.]
Robbin' the Bank of Hanoi.
They"re gonna send some M.
P.
s over here.
They oughta be here some time late this afternoon.
[Thompson.]
Good.
I don"t wanna have to sit on anyone but Sonny Jenko.
[Harmson.]
Well, listen.
Military Intelligence said we best keep our eye on that white-haired fellow.
That is John "Hannibal" Smith.
Colonel.
He"s some kind of escape artist or somethin'.
I mean, he already busted out of Fort Bragg once.
Nobody's gonna break out of my jail.
Come on, Colonel.
The Bank of Hanoi? Yeah.
We kinda liked that one ourselves.
- Could say we had a yen for some extra money.
- [Groans.]
[Thompson.]
Yeah, well, you"ll have a chance to tell that all to the military court.
We have some M.
P.
s comin"up here to take you guys back home to your stockade.
No offence, Sheriff, but that's been tried before.
You"re not breakin"outta here, Smith.
[Sighs.]
They already told us how you and your guys broke out of Fort Bragg.
- My jail's different.
- [Laughs.]
Sheriff, you gotta be kiddin' about this place.
I could break outta here on horseback.
- Here you go, kid.
- Well, I'll take my chances, Houdini.
Wanna put some money on that? Twenty dollars says he can do it.
Cro-Magnon there can hold the money for us.
You got a real mouth on you, kid.
My boys break me outta here I'm gonna come over there and shut it myself! You expectin' company, Sheriff? We might stick around.
Nobody"s comin" back for that creep.
His gang"s long gone.
And you're not goin' anywhere, either, Colonel.
Uh, never underestimate your enemy, Sheriff.
- Overconfidence is a real killer.
- I think General Custer said that.
Don't worry about me.
Just worry about what you're gonna say to the military court when they send you up for life.
I never worry.
But if slimy over there is right we could be taking on a little water.
Gin.
[Men Hooting, Cheering.]
All right! Now we got the sheriff cut off completely from the rest of the world! - Yeah.
- Let's go get Sonny.
We swing by Bernie's Café.
We pick up the rest of the brothers.
We go in and take that town down to the sewers.
- [All Shouting, Cheering.]
- Crank "em up! Okay, baby.
I'll see you tonight.
Oh, good.
I'm glad you're back.
I-I was afraid to leave these guys alone.
That was Doc Sullivan.
She's still trying to locate some blood for that buddy of theirs that was shot up.
And once he's stabilized, we'll move him in here and hold him for the M.
P.
s.
Mmm.
What time are the feds comin' by for Jenko? Maybe tonight, early morning.
They got to, uh, swing by Sacramento and pick up some extradition papers.
Hmm.
You know, Sheriff, it it just doesn't seem right to me.
I mean, the Barbarians just lettin"us take their boss away like that I mean, without even throwin' a few rocks or somethin'.
The Barbarians are punks.
They don't have the guts.
Hmm.
Well, I hope you're right.
[Clears Throat.]
All right, boys.
It's feedin' time at the zoo.
Everybody get up and let's have a little lunch here.
Wake up, Colonel.
It's lunch-time.
- Oh, I'd, uh, forget the colonel.
He went out to lunch.
- Oh What? Yeah.
You really shouldn"t leave guys like us unattended.
Hey, Sheriff, get over here! [Shuddering.]
Damn! Let's go.
Uh, don't forget.
You owe me 20 bucks.
- Nice work, Hannibal.
- Thanks.
[Laughing.]
Set up the squad car.
I'll call That won"t be necessary, Sheriff.
Now, keep your hands right where they are.
- Over there.
Side by side.
- How did you get outta there? Claustrophobia.
Tight places give me the creeps.
All right, gentlemen.
Step into our finest room.
No phones, no pool, no pets, but you're gonna love your new neighbour.
Face, get over to the van.
Get on the radio.
- Murdock should be in range by now.
- Gotcha.
Hey, man, let me outta here.
I'll make sure you got a motorcycle escort all the way to the state line.
- No deal.
I couldn't stand the smell.
- You're gonna pay for that, man! I'm gonna cut you a cheque next time I'm at the bank, man.
Sorry, Sheriff.
We just don't get on well with military police.
But as soon as l"m out of town, l"ll drop the keys to someone and have "em get you out.
You're never gettin' away with this.
Feds are coming, so are the M.
P.
s.
You'll never make it out of the county.
Maybe.
But I gotta try.
It's something that stems from my childhood.
I just gotta play against the house.
So long, lizard breath.
How much farther? Five, 10 miles.
Take Junction 82 south.
What do you think happened? I don't know.
It was supposed to be a simple gig.
There was no air support, no nothin'.
Just spring some oil man's son from his kidnappers.
But we got a "Red Ball One.
" That's big trouble.
"Bag's leaking" means one of the team took some lead.
Well, it couldn't have been Hannibal.
He made the call.
Nope.
Hannibal's not the one under the gun.
Um, give me that radio down there, would ya, hot potato? We should be in range pretty soon.
Shootin' it out at high noon, maybe we can raise the van pull the A-Team outta the can.
- Did you get 'em yet? - No.
They must still be out of range.
Keep workin' on it.
I'll try to soften up the doc before she calls in the heat.
[Radio Static.]
- How do you feel? - Feel pretty weak, mama.
Well, you'll be getting some strength back as soon as we get you some blood.
What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in jail? Sorry, Doctor.
We're gonna have to do things my way.
But don't worry; I won't hurt you.
How're you doin', B.
A.
? - Hangin' in there? - Real tired, man.
Leg hurt bad.
- We'll get you home real soon.
- Nobody seems to be listening to me.
I told you, the man cannot be moved until he gets some blood.
Will you get the fire out of your eye, Doc? We got some blood on the way.
- Hannibal always comes through.
- Murdock'll be here right away.
- You're the same blood type.
We'll do a transfusion and get you on your feet.
- Murdock? - You're both AB negative, remember? - I ain't swappin' blood with that sucker! He's crazy! B.
A.
, he"s the only donor we have, unless we"re gonna get you into Cedars-Sinai.
You have very special blood.
I ain't gonna let you pump none of Murdock's crazy juice in me.
- No way, man.
He's nuts.
- No, he isn't, B.
A.
Not really.
This is Howling Mad, flyin' high cover on the Red Ball One.
I'm comin' in low and sideways to plug the bag.
A-Team in need, do you read? Outta range.
That's kinda strange.
Uh, Murdock, what is with all the poetry? Yeah, I noticed that too.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
I got my words, and my brain's workin' fine.
But when the words come out, they want to rhyme.
- Oh.
- [Face On Radio.]
Murdock, is that you? Come in.
This is your man, Howling Mad.
What's the buzz, Face? [Face.]
Listen.
B.
A.
"s been hit.
We need some of your AB negative.
There"s a doctor"s house on your left as you come through town.
l"ll be waitin" for you.
No need to wait, Face.
I think this is the place.
Okay, he's inside.
[Hannibal.]
B.
A.
, you lie still.
Man, I'm warnin' y'all for the last time.
I don't want this sucker's blood in me.
It's gonna make me crazy just like he is.
It's not gonna make you crazy, B.
A.
It's just gonna make you mellow.
You could even room with me at the V.
A.
I'll have them bring in an extra bunk and you and I can watch the walls melt.
- Hannibal! - Lay off, will ya, Murdock? Lay off what? This man has a chance for greatness.
My bodily fluids are in great demand by the finest minds of our time.
I give a fresh specimen to the V.
A.
every week.
Worst that can happen is he starts to hear things that he don"t see and rhyme his words just like me.
- Gonna get you for this, Face! - What are you talking about? Faceman messed up.
That"s why I got shot.
That's why I need this sucker's blood.
Gonna make me crazy, just like he is.
That's why the Faceman gotta pay.
Hannibal, I'll go get the van ready to transport him.
Try and cool him down for me, will ya? My blood'll cool him down for you, Face.
[B.
A.
Groaning.]
Gonna get you for this, Face.
I can feel myself gettin' crazy already.
Yeah, first your ears start to ring and then, every once in a while, your eyes start to fog over and you start to rhyme your words.
You're nuts, man.
Who ever heard of me rhymin' my words? That's the craziest thing I ever heard.
My ears don't ring.
I don't hear a thing.
- Uh-huh.
- Hey, wait a minute, sucker! You see? Foam the runway! B.
A.
is comin' in! [Makes Aeroplane Noise.]
Let me know when your eyes start to fog.
B.
A.
, Murdock's blood is not gonna do a thing to you.
Blood is blood.
It's all the same.
You know, it's red No, it ain't.
Mine is special.
Once upon a time, I didn't have a dime.
My head went crazy.
They said I was lazy, but I'm gettin' by, on the fly Murdock, knock it off! You're diggin' my grave here with B.
A.
Rock 'n' roll.
[Groaning.]
You know you shouldn't move him.
We have no choice.
I know it doesn't seem like it, Doc, but we are the guys in the white hats.
Then why are you wanted by the military police? It's a long story, and no one wants to listen.
We're on the run.
If any of us get caught, we get Uh, that's supposed to be some sort of macho pass, and now I'm supposed to blush, right? I don't make passes.
Or promises.
The mystery man just sort of rides off into the sunset like the last reel of Happy Trails.
Yeah.
Somethin' like that.
But in the meantime, you'll have to wait.
Wait! Oh, that's real cute, Hannibal! Let me out of here! - [Pounding.]
- Uh, I'll let you out of there as soon as I can.
And if it helps any putting you in the closet was not my first choice.
Oh, well, that"s just real great! Meanwhile, that"s where I am! In the closet! - I'm sorry, Doc.
- Hannibal! Come on! Let me out of here! Stop foolin"around! - Murdock? - Yeah, Colonel.
The local sheriff turned us over to the military police.
They could be on us anytime.
If you see any heat comin' in I want you to peel off and get Amy out of there.
# You in the army now You not behind the plough # # You never get rich by diggin' a ditch # # You in the army now ## Those creeps are probably here to bust their boss out of jail.
- The sheriff's gonna be dog meat.
- Yeah, he is, isn't he? - You know, I've been thinkin' about that.
- Me too.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I mean, he didn't do anything wrong, and it's not nice to lock somebody up in their own jail.
Poor guy"s just tryin" to do his job.
- Turn in? - Yeah.
Gotta.
Face, pull in by that crane.
[Face.]
Right.
Amy, you stay with B.
A.
Murdock, do you think you could fire this crane up? - If it had wings, I could fly it.
- Murdock? - No problem, Colonel.
- Face, see if that cable will move to the other side.
- What are we doing? - We're gonna slow these Barbarians down so we can get back to the sheriff and help him dig in for the attack.
But aren't the military police on their way? Interesting, isn't it? [Engine Starts.]
[Shouting, Chattering.]
[Tapping Glass.]
[Tapping Glass.]
You guys are gonna have to move these bikes 16 feet from this kerb.
[All Laughing.]
- That's state regulations, you know.
- Get your face outta here, worm! Really? Okay, I'll move 'em myself.
[All Laughing.]
[Chattering Continues.]
[Laughing Continues.]
[Tarzan Yell.]
- Hey! Hey! - What! [Indistinct Shouting.]
[Indistinct Shouting.]
Hey! Get up there in that crane! Get those bikes down! All right, get those guys up on their feet! Come on! Don't just stand there! Help 'em! Come on! Well, I guess that should hold them up for a couple of hours.
Well, how's my blood brother doin'? - I ain't your blood brother.
- Sure you are, brother.
You got Howlin' Mad's blood in your veins.
You just wait till the clouds catch fire.
It's gonna be like the Fourth of July! My, my! Hey, Hannibal, will you make this sucker shut up? That sheriff's gonna be hard to deal with.
They get a little testy when you lock 'em up in their own cells.
Well, Amy'll just smile at him.
Right, kid? - Get his heart thawed out for us.
- Amy will what? We all use what we got, kid.
Hey, Face, look at that abandoned real estate office.
Could be a double for the sheriff"s office.
We might work a shell game on these geeks.
Could.
We are dealin' with double-digit I.
Q.
s here.
Ah, but that'll take some time, Hannibal.
We got M.
P.
s on the way.
We'd have to have a couple two, three hours in order to Ah, it's just a set dressing problem.
Nothing to it.
Amy, bring Dr Sullivan back here.
I thought I was supposed to charm the sheriff.
Uh, we better soothe him a little first.
[Thompson.]
You came back.
- That's right.
- Okay, I'll bite.
Why? You were supposed to count to a hundred and yell "Ready or not, here I come.
" Now, Sheriff, if you're not gonna play the game - we're gonna play in someone else's town.
- That's very funny.
The Barbarians are about 10 miles up the road.
There's 20 or 30 of'em.
They're comin' back here on a garbage run to pick up this piece of trash.
- If I read "em right, they"re gonna take your town apart.
- [Laughs.]
All right! Yes! Now we are cookin"! Now things are lookin"right! Sheriff, you ever seen the Barbarians on a run, man? It is beautiful! Beautiful! [Laughs.]
'Course, we're a little hard on cops and civilized women.
Hey, fat lip, button it! - [Bullet Ricocheting.]
- I can blow you away right here.
I'm not a cop.
I'm a fugitive.
And every now and then, I like to drop the hammer on a piece of dirt.
You are nuts, man! Well, what's your story, man! Hi.
I'm the blood lady.
I give blood to guys with holes in 'em, and perhaps we can do business, muchacho.
Because I got a feelin' you're gonna be leakin' from three or four holes in a minute.
Our rates are low.
It's $20 a pint.
We've got a special on if you buy in bulk.
Now, here's the deal.
We'll let you out and help you with the bikers, and you forget you ever saw us.
If you let me out, what's to prevent me from bringing in the National Guard and bustin' the whole bunch of you? The Barbarians have cut the phone lines.
The radio in our van can't get over the mountains.
Which means yours probably can't, either.
But you know that.
We're kind of in the same boat, Sheriff.
You read the printout on us.
We were a combat team in "Nam.
We're weapons and tactics experts.
We enjoy a challenge.
- How much time we got? - About an hour and a half.
[Sighs.]
I can't make a deal with a wanted man.
I can't agree to have fugitives protect this town.
- l"m a police officer.
- Sheriff, if I were you, I would not debate technicalities.
Sheriff, those Barbarians are killers.
I mean, a lot of people in this town could get hurt.
And we're locked up in here.
Okay, let me out.
First I want your handshake you're not gonna pull down on us with your badge and gun.
A handshake isn't exactly a binding agreement.
When you live on the edge, you learn to make fast evaluations.
Your life depends on "em.
My take on you is your handshake is your bond.
[Sullivan.]
Hey! Who"s out there? - Well, thanks a whole lot! - Look, I know you're angry.
Lady, angry doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tough.
The Barbarians are They're planning to come in here and burn this town down.
Hannibal and the others could've gone on, but they came back to help.
So you were stuck in a closet for an hour.
Big deal.
How's my patient? Better.
He's starting to growl again.
Barbarians, huh? Well, that should liven up the pace around here for a Sunday afternoon.
[Hannibal.]
Nah, you're not gonna have to move Jenko.
All you gotta do is stuff a sock in his mouth.
Not move him? They're gonna roll in here and shoot up this jail.
No, they're not.
They're gonna roll in here and shoot up that vacant real estate office on the corner across the street.
- They are, huh? - You betcha.
- Why are they gonna do that? - Well, they're gonna do that 'cause they're gonna think it's the sheriff's office.
[Making Engine Noises.]
[Screeches.]
Gonna need speakers, man.
Big ones.
They gotta sound real good.
I'll do the best I can, but Hey, Faceman, when my blood brother says he wants a I wanna be close to the mechanical stuff.
But I'm gonna need somebody to wheel me around.
Hey, hey, hey, I am a pilot! [Makes Aeroplane Noise.]
I'm not a nurse's aide.
I respectfully refuse on the grounds that I'm not strong enough to wheel this big, mean, ugly mudsucker around.
Besides, I lost blood and I feel faint.
You better do it, or I'll take the rest of your blood the hard way! Well, on the other hand, blood is thicker than water.
- What do ya say, Doc? - Hank, what's happening? Well, near as I figure, in about an hour from now, we're gonna have our hands full.
That abandoned real estate office will give us our best tactical advantage.
The best field of fire is in the church steeple at the other end of town.
So we'll run 'em down there, turn the grizzlies around and then run 'em through a very special gauntlet.
If you ladies'll wait in the office, the sheriff'll bring you some paint.
I'm gonna check out the church steeple.
We better get going.
We haven't got much time.
- Put me down, fool! Put me down! - Shut up! Put me down! Slow it down, fool! I don't understand.
A motorcycle gang? That fella I got in jail, he's their leader.
They're comin' back to bust him out.
- Why don't you call for help? - We can't.
They busted all the phone lines.
- We're completely cut off.
- We're gonna need some hardware supplies.
But first I want you to get everybody in town and tell 'em what's going on.
Then get the women and children in vehicles and get them out of town.
- Jack here'll help you.
- Right.
Gonna need that metal platin'.
And get me some of this audio wire.
You know, I just love you.
We are brothers under the skin, aren't we? Come on, sucker! I ain't got time for your crazy rap! Ooh! - What are these for? - Grills.
They make great grills.
- Grills? - I thought we'd have barbecued Barbarian for brunch.
[Voice Echoing On Speaker.]
Testing.
One, two, three.
Hey, Sheriff, look.
Five thousand? It's on a 110 line.
Packaging is everything, Sheriff.
Here you go, B.
A.
A.
44 for ya.
That still don't make us even, sucker.
- Oh, come on, brother.
Go easy on Face.
- I ain't your brother! Let's get him in the church steeple.
I just want you to know, you're a welcome addition to my family.
Oh, shut up and get out of here.
Keep pushin'.
Push, push! Don't drop me! That's all we have.
What are you gonna do with this toilet paper? - Detour an access road.
- What? Sheriff, if you ignore the obvious, you can get away with anything.
- Not bad, huh? - Hope it works.
- It'll work.
- B.
A.
's in church.
And if you don't mind, Hannibal, sir, I'd like to be up there with him.
At a time like this, one should be with his family.
I understand, Captain, but war is hell.
- You'll have to stay with the forward echelon.
- I understand, sir.
Face, you and Murdock put up that paper wall then get a good field of fire out of that joint there.
- Murdock, you know where you start.
- Yes, sir.
I sure hope this goes down before the M.
P.
s arrive.
Face, B.
A.
, don't drop the hammers on 'em till they"re close enough you can spit on "em, okay? Here they come.
Hey, Hannibal, here comes the meat.
They're hangin' a right on Main.
We've come for our brother Sonny! Let him out, or we take this town apart! You pigs want Jenko? Then climb off your tricycles and come in and get him.
You sound like you wanna die, pig.
[Hannibal On Speaker.]
Nah, I just wanna squeeze you marshmallows outta my town.
Now, come on.
l"m in here.
Let"s go.
Unless you muscle heads arejust long on tough talk and short on guts.
There's only two of you! There are 30 of us! I don't think you got the gas to keep Jenko in there! [Hannibal On Speaker.]
Maybe.
Maybe not.
But there"s one real easy way for you to find out.
You want him, you got him.
Let"s go! First door on your right.
And try not to drool on the rug.
Wejust had it cleaned.
You're gonna eat it, Sheriff! And I'm gonna feed you to the brothers for dessert! - [Hannibal On Speaker.]
Remind me to tip the waitress.
- [Shouting.]
- They're leaving.
- Nah, just gettin' a running start.
[Shouting, Hooting.]
Watch this.
[Grunts.]
Okay, Murdock, you're on.
[Clucking.]
Say, do any of you creeps know the way to San Jose? [Clucking.]
Catch me if you can! [Continues Clucking.]
[Face.]
Don"t anybody move a muscle! Don"t even think about it! [Grunts.]
And the winner of the game would holler chicken! [Clucking.]
Welcome to Bad Rock, pal.
- Thanks, Hannibal.
- No thanks.
Just turn your back for a second.
What do you want me to tell the military? Well, if you hear from a guy named Lynch tell him his mother wears combat boots.
See ya, Doc.
Boy, is old Lynch gonna burn after this one.
He'll go cuckoo.
Yeah.
I hear there's a lot of that goin' around.
Right, brother? - I ain't your brother! - Ah, come on, B.
A.
It worked, didn't it? Murdock's blood might even add a little colour to your life.
Don't need no colour.
Got enough already.
Plus I owe you one.
Then we be even.
[Sirens Blaring.]
[Groans.]