The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan (1972) s01e06 Episode Script

1
[music playing]
The Amazing Chan
[buzzing]
That's the Chan plan
The Amazing Chan
and the Chan Clan
The Amazing Chan
Hey, this is great.
Tina, the tattooed lady.
The incredible strongman.
Fantastic fire eater.
Fattest lady on Earth.
Eleven, please.
Is that your family
or a camp outing?
All mine.
This way, children.
[barking]
The little one
does imitations.
Didn't I tell you
to button up?
[whimpers]
I'd hate to have to sew
buttons on his shirts.
He must be the strongest man
in the world.
I don't know.
I think I could take him.
Flip, any one of his muscles
weighs more than you do.
Yeah, but I'm wiry.
That's how you're gonna look
when you grow up, Nance.
[slurps]
Where do you think
she gets her clothes?
I guess from the same man
who makes the tents.
Wow. Talk about heartburn.
What an awful job.
Doesn't say what his
name is up there,
but I'll bet it's Hot Lips.
[laughs]
You're Mr. Chan,
aren't you?
I heard you were here
and I need your help.
What seems to be the problem,
Mr. Zambini?
I have the best little
circus in the world.
The strongest strongman,
the fattest fat lady,
the best of everything,
and someone is trying
to ruin me.
Do you have evidence
of this?
And now ladies and gentlemen,
the Zambini Circus
is proud to present
Dimples, the one,
the only,
the fattest lady
in the history of the world.
She's gone.
Dimples,
somebody stole my fat lady.
There's your evidence.
Wham bam, he's in a jam.
The police are on the way.
Tell me, how did
the fat lady usually
get on and off the skywalk?
We used that forklift.
That was the only way
she could get up and down.
She couldn't do it
by herself.
So obviously, one had
to carry her off.
How did someone carry out
the fat lady that big?
I guess he had
to make two trips.
I know who's responsible.
The Dingaling Brothers Circus.
I wouldn't sell out to them
so they're trying to
sabotage me.
I've had trapeze ropes cut,
lion cages left open.
It would seem the culprit
had easy access to everything.
I'd say a member
of your own troop
is involved.
Hear that, Henry?
How can I hear anything
with you talking in my ear?
Pop said it's an inside job
and I've got the answer.
That's him.
The only man strong
enough to carry the fat lady.
Samson the Strongman.
Stanley, this time
I think you've got it.
We'll follow him
and he'll take us
right to the lady.
Yeah, this is the way
I figure the caper plays out.
We've gotta pick up
the fat lady's trail.
I wish we had a bloodhound.
[barks]
[sniffs]
I think Chu Chu's
got a trail.
Come on,
let's follow Chu Chu.
It's her, the fat lady.
We found her!
[barks]
He's got a knife.
Wow!
Hey! Wait!
I got the kn
Ay-yi-yi!
[barks]
Wham bam,
we're in a jam!
Let's take it on the lam.
He's being awful sneaky.
We're on the right track.
Shh! Hold it down.
Look how deep his footprint is.
He's carrying something heavy.
The fat lady,
what else?
This is it, Henry.
We're about to wrap up
the kidnapping.
He went behind the bleachers.
Come on.
But he knows we're Chans.
If he sees us, he'll get
suspicious.
Oh, no, he won't.
I'm gonna blend right
into the background.
What are you doing, Stanley?
He'll never suspect me now.
And what do you think
you'll do when he sees
a gorilla on the loose?
Gee, I didn't think
of that.
You never think
of anything.
Now get out
of that dumb outfit.
I'll do what I can.
Sorry I was so late
in getting here, but we
had a robbery in town.
Been a whole epidemic
of them all over the state.
Stockton, Sacramento,
San Jose, Bakersfield.
"Stockton, Sacramento,
San Jose, Bakersfield."
You think you'll be able
to find Dimples.
Pretty hard for a lady
that size to stay out
of sight.
It's the Dingaling Brothers.
Hi, Zambini.
I'm Ben Dingaling.
And I'm King Dingaling.
How do you do?
My name is Chan.
We've heard you've run
into some bad luck.
And we want you to know
our offer is still good.
I'll never sell my circus
and what have you done
with Dimples?
We don't know
anything about her.
But if you change
your mind about
selling, call us.
They're the ones.
They've got Dimples.
Shh!
[hisses]
Maybe if we sneaked
around the stands,
we'd be able to watch
Samson's every move.
It's S-S-Samson.
You got a slow leak, Henry?
Look behind you.
So what?
It's a skeleton.
It's a skeleton!
I warn you, stop meddling
in this affair.
I'd love
to stay and chat,
but I really gotta go.
Come on, Henry!
Chan, papa Chan
Detective man,
when they struggle
There's no one better
than Chan and the Clan
Doing what they can
To help the old man
So let's give a hand
To the family band
The Chan Clan
There's Henry
And Stanley
Alan and Suzie
Anne and Tom,
Scooter and Nancy
- Mimi and Flip
- [barking]
And don't forget Chu Chu,
don't forget Chu Chu,
Don't forget Chu Chu,
don't forget Chu Chu
Chan, papa Chan
Detective man,
when they struggle
There's no one better
than Chan and the Clan
Doing what they can
To help the old man
So let's give a hand
To the family band
The Chan Clan
Stanley? Stan?
Oh, no, he's gone.
I'm up here. Look,
it's the sk-skeleton again.
He's after us.
Let's get out of here.
Let's move.
[panting]
I think he's gone.
What are you doing now?
Are you back in that
silly gorilla outfit
again, Stanley?
Stop playing around,
Stanley,
and take off
that dumb suit.
That costume wouldn't
fool a nitwit.
You talking to me, Henry?
You know very well
I'm talking to you,
and I want you to take off
that stupid costume.
How can you be there
if you're here?
[growls]
Down, boy.
Nice gorilla, nice gorilla.
Hey, wait a minute.
That wasn't there before.
Looks like a costume,
a skeleton costume.
You see, I told you
there was nothing
to worry about.
This could be a clue.
All we've gotta do is
find the guy that fits it.
Why don't you start
with me?
All clear. Let's move.
Wow, look at the size
of that furniture.
Some of the negatives
of obesity.
Can't you just say
some of the problems
in being fat?
OK, everybody, fan out
and look for clues.
Look at these dresses.
[laughs]
That would fit our whole family.
Look at this.
Men's brushes and razor.
She must have been married.
Will you stop
with the inventory?
We're trying to bust a case.
[laughing]
This isn't a fashion show.
We gotta find some clues
to the fat lady.
What happened to the lights?
You kids better stop meddling.
This is your last warning
or else.
- It's locked.
- That was the kidnapper.
- Help!
- Help!
Don't bother yelling. This place
is acoustically perfect.
They can't hear us out here.
We'll just have to wait
until somebody finds us.
He's coming back.
Now stay out of my way.
I'll make the pinch.
This is it!
I'll grab him.
The rest of you slap
the handcuffs on.
OK, here I go.
You're under arrest.
Oh, hi, Pop.
I see the Chinese Odd Squad
has been at work.
And you'll never believe
what happened.
Pop, you'll never
believe what happened.
Pop, you'll never
I know. I'll never
believe what happened.
Right, Stanley?
How'd he know
it was me?
Pop's the greatest
detective in the world.
That's how.
Tell me, was Dimples married?
Not that I know of.
And I see no refrigerator.
Pop, we think we know
who the kidnapper is.
There has been
no kidnapping.
Huh? Then where's
the fat lady?
If my plan works,
we'll have the answer
and also solve the case
for the police.
I don't understand.
Mr. Zambini, I want you
to let word out that the
weekend receipts
are all here
in your office.
Great. A trap.
The Chan men are ready
to handle the stakeout.
And the women.
Your assignment
is to go to the Chan van
and drive right home,
all of you.
But, Pop.
Mr. Zambini and I will
handle it from here.
Pop's out there
all by himself.
I should be with him
in case he needs
someone for muscle.
Well, I think me and Stanley
will go to the movies.
Huh? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I wanna see that picture.
You kids do your homework.
Anne and I finished
our homework.
Think we'll go
to the movies, too.
Can't do my homework
without paper.
- Think I'll go buy some paper.
- Me too.
And I'll help you carry it.
You kids start your homework.
Start your homework.
Wait a minute.
There's no rule we
have to do it here.
What are we waiting for?
Come on, Chu Chu.
We might need some help
with our homework.
[barking]
I don't think anyone's
coming, Mr. Chan.
Wait.
There's the Dingaling Brothers.
It's them, Mr. Chan.
They're at the bottom
of this.
Let us wait and see.
There's Zambini's trailer.
We've got to keep it
staked out.
The Chan van's
a giveaway that we're here.
We need a cover.
Right, better try
van plan six.
Shouldn't be long now.
Yeah, too bad the other kids
couldn't be in on the finish.
Pass the mustard,
will you? I'm starved.
[sniffs]
[roars]
I told you to stay here.
- [snarls]
- [screams]
[laughs]
- Let's keep our eyes open.
- Right.
All pop has helping him is us.
At least he has the first team.
See anything?
Yeah, there's Samson.
I'll bet he's part
of this whole thing.
You're right, Stanley.
It must have been him
in the skeleton outfit.
And look, see the way
he's watching that trailer.
He's up to something.
Let's tail him.
This time let's
be extra careful.
Right, we don't want
anyone sneaking up on
us like that skeleton.
[stammers]
Henry, there's somebody
behind us.
Hey, Stan, you see anything?
How could I see anything with
you scaring the pants off me?
Samson went into
the fire eater tent.
I think they're in
on it together.
They're coming out again.
They're moving toward
Zambini's office.
Scooter's right.
They're gonna try
to get the money.
So we gotta keep an eye
on them.
When they make their move,
we make ours.
Nothing happening.
Yeah, I was hoping we'd see
a little action by now.
Who's that alongside
the trailer?
Relax.
Just a bucket boy.
Looks like it's gonna be
a quiet night.
The Dingalings should
be making their move.
Shh.
Quick.
Get out of sight.
You. Dimples.
Something's up.
The light just went on
in Zambini's trailer.
We better get in there.
Follow me.
Dimples, you're back.
May I ask you
what you're doing here?
I came by to see
Mr. Zambini.
We saw the lights
go on, Pop.
Hey, how'd she get in here?
We were watching, Pop.
And the only one we saw
near this trailer was
the bucket boy.
That's true, children,
and you're looking
at the bucket boy
in an inflated disguise.
Dimples and he are one
and the same.
What are
you talking about?
Dimples' visit here
was not to see you,
but to rob the safe.
It's Fingers McCann,
the notorious bank robber.
You've got nothing
on me, Chan.
How'd you know, Pop?
The police told us that
the bank robberies happened
in Stockton, Sacramento,
San Jose and Bakersfield.
All the places that
the circus played.
So obviously, someone's using
the circus for cover.
There is no refrigerator
in her trailer.
Most unusual.
A person with
a tendency toward obesity
would find a great need
for a refrigerator.
And we found brushes
and a razor in Dimples' room.
That started me thinking.
He's making a run for it.
I'll get him, Pop.
It's Dimples. Come on!
They're making their move.
Let's stop 'em!
We've got 'em.
Not them. Him.
Come on,
we can still get him.
But where did he go?
We'll find him.
I'll look this way.
You look that way.
There he is.
He's heading
for the parking lot.
I'll get him.
Giddyap.
Excuse us.
We gotta borrow
this clown car.
Try van plan 12.
Right.
That's the end
of the kidnapping.
And I'm sure
the bank robberies, too.
We did it, Pop.
And you all deserve
a reward.
How about dinner?
We were so busy
trailing the suspect,
we never got a chance to eat.
Oh, my, I'm afraid
everything is closed.
Not for us Chans.
One dinner coming up.
Van plan six.
Step right up, Chans.
What'll you have?
- I'll have one with mustard.
- Sauerkraut for me.
- Make mine a double.
- Good.
- Three chili dogs to go.
- Make it four.
OK, coming right up.
[music playing]