The Bisexual (2018) s01e06 Episode Script

- You're grinding again.
- Shit.
- Let me see your teeth.
- Are they worse? No, they're the same.
I still heard you grinding last night.
Should have woke me up.
I shoved you and you stopped.
- Did I say anything? - No.
- Did I fart? - Maybe.
- Oh, shit, this is so embarrassing.
- No, you didn't, I'm winding you up.
You're lying.
One time I heard you say, to Esther, Leila sleeps like this.
SHE SNORES VIGOROUSLY AND BLOWS A RASPBERRY How do you feel? OK.
Just wish it wasn't the launch today.
Why? I'm excited.
I'm really proud of us.
No.
Linger! - No.
- Stay.
Hold out, seriously.
We should talk.
OK.
What do you want to talk about? Last night was big.
It was a mistake.
Don't say that.
It was different.
Yeah.
Because things are different.
- I'm different.
- I'm different, too.
I'm getting pregnant.
Trying to get pregnant.
I need to go and get a shower.
DOOR SHUTS SHOWER RUNS SHOWER STOPS DOOR OPENS How are you going to do this? You can't move in with your mother.
God, no! I wouldn't do that to a child.
Esther will probably help.
Who's going to drive you to the hospital? Well, not you because you don't have a licence.
I can order an Uber.
The chances of it happening are 0.
1%.
How did you do it? Who's the father? I went to a sperm bank.
Whose sperm did you choose? I don't want to talk about this any more.
I'll make you some coffee.
MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES LEILA ON PHONE: Hey, I know you're mad at me and I'm sorry but something's happened and it's bigger than me and I need you.
Who died? Sadie's getting pregnant.
She's trying to get pregnant.
She's been inseminated.
Oh! I'm so sorry.
Fuck! I overslept.
I need to go to the shops.
Do you know how to make shakshouka? What's in the boxes? Where are you going? My mum's house in Cordoba.
I thought you were going to the embassy to figure out the visa? I did.
And it's not looking good.
What, you're not even going to try? I'm not going to spend the next 10 months in limbo waiting for the Home Office to decide my future.
And what about my future? - Excuse me? - I don't want you to go.
Well, yeah, me neither, but tough luck.
Yeah, but we're together.
OK, but we're not married.
Well, do you want to be? Francisca, will you marry me? Yeah.
OK.
Yeah? Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God! Wow! - Put that back there.
- Yeah.
And that too.
Thanks.
And we love it.
It's delicious, isn't it? - Hmm, yeah, it's delicious.
- What's it called? - Shakshouka.
- Shakshouka.
CHILDREN CHATTER IN THE BACKGROUND - I'd also appreciate some water.
- Sorry.
How's the course going? They tried to make me head of the English Department.
- But I managed to escape.
- Why? That's a fantastic opportunity.
Now he can spend more time writing.
He has too much time on his hands as it is.
If you had some work to do outside of school hours, maybe that would make you more focused.
That doesn't make any sense, you want to take away time to give more focus? It's not time that Gabe lacks, it's motivation.
- I'm out of - What he lacks is confidence.
I think critics go crazy for the depressive arts type.
- Gabe's is not depressed! - He is a bit depressed.
Oh, so you haven't read the book? I wore off the cover of my copy I read it so many times in high school.
Well, of course I've read the book.
Yeah, it's writing.
He has a good imagination.
But don't you think the tone of a writer's work reflects who they really are? Is there coriander in this, Gabe? Yeah, yeah, you're right, Francisca, you clearly no Gabe very well.
I've only seen him through 34 long winters.
No, Will, parsley.
I don't like coriander.
- Hey! Whoa, what's going on? - Sit.
I'm genuinely happy you've found somebody you like enough to sleep with more than once and I'm excited you felt the need - to introduce her to us, that shows growth.
- Thank you.
This has been a wonderful conversation that's ended now.
You're her tutor.
And you're famous.
Come on, we both know I'm not famous any more.
That's your low self-esteem talking.
She's only with you because you're a writer.
- I hate the way she speaks.
- Really? I thought she was really clever.
That's because she wants you to think that she's clever.
But really, she's rude and a little bit aggressive.
Ah, love.
She may not be your leading lady, but at least you've started the casting process.
- Let me set you up.
- What? No! Can we talk about this later, please? I really do need to take a piss.
- This is Jess.
- OK.
She works for Unicef.
I think she DJs.
HE SIGHS Oh, hi.
This is my pregnancy test.
Oh! Excuse me.
Sorry, um Sorry, I've just been asked for a urine sample.
I wondered if you'd like it.
- I'm not a nurse.
That's not for me.
- OK.
- Um, right.
- Miss Blakewood? Oh, yes.
I'm sorry, I've got it.
Yeah.
Hang on.
Hi.
Hi.
Thank you.
This is difficult.
What's up, Hye Me? I'm not particularly fond of either of you at the moment.
Yeah, you've made that very clear.
But that doesn't change the fact that working at Mine has been a transformative experience.
But, professionally and personally - Hye Me - I haven't finished.
You've given me an education and for that I am grateful.
But an opportunity has presented itself and I'm going to take it.
My new boss says if offered a space on a rocket ship, you don't ask what seat, you just get on.
Your new boss is Sheryl Sandberg? My new boss may have been quoting.
How many weeks do we have to find a replacement? - Two.
- Great.
Thank you, Hye Me.
It was unfair of me to put you on the spot like that.
It's too much to take in, you know? "Meet Francisa.
Also, hey, she's going to be my wife.
" - So I'll just tell her when it's just the two of us.
- It's fine.
You tell when tell her when you tell her, it's not like she's your mother.
No.
It's not.
I mean, it's really not at all like she's my mother.
Yeah, you're smart.
You're cool about things.
- TEXT MESSAGE ALER - You're chills, it's what I love about you.
One drink and we're going.
Fuck sake! Hey.
- Thanks for coming.
- Hey.
Congrats on the launch.
I would have thought your office would be larger.
Let's get you a drink.
Do you need help with anything? Oh, my God, you're Ruby from Ruby True Days? - Yeah.
- I'm obsessed with you! You're incredible.
I love your blog.
Oh, you do? Yes, of course I do! I keep on checking it constantly.
I think you're so smart and I thought the piece on Madonna was so insightful when she talks about the scarf that her father gave her to take to the UN.
It made me cry like a baby.
I cannot tell you how much that means to me.
- You should write for her blog.
- Well, I have a job.
Oh yeah, we should to do some more writing.
Well, I write for myself, not for a fucking blog.
- Her blog is amazing.
- No offence.
- None taken.
- I think your blog amazing! THEY LAUGH EXCITEDLY I'm so excited.
I can't believe it.
I can't believe I'm meeting you.
Thank you for coming.
Oh, I missed you so much.
- Pull yourself together.
- Come.
- And you're so much more beautiful in life.
- Thank you.
You're like basically a goddess.
It's a receipt for the sperm.
I can't believe that she did it.
- That is so badass.
- Who did what? Sadie's getting pregnant.
How? Is she's sleeping with guys know, too? No, Gabe.
She's been inseminated.
Wow! You can look up the guy, you have the order information.
No, she can't.
It's fucked up.
- I want to do this with her.
- You're not ready.
You're just running to catch up the Sadie.
Straight people become parents before they're ready all the time.
It's only because we're gay that everyone's five years - past ready before anyone's pregnant.
- You dumped her.
I want to get back together.
Delete it.
You have to do this on her terms.
- I know.
- It's her business, - you can violate - Holy shit! He's Iranian.
What would I want to know if I were you? I am from Iran.
I'm very good at making tahdig.
Tahdig is a crispy bit of rice and it's very hard to get right.
But I do it well.
So maybe your child will have this talent.
I don't know if it will get him employed but it is a good skill to have.
Um, I live in Denmark.
It is - Oh, my God.
- He's got a lovely sonorous quality to his voice.
What the fuck is wrong with you? We stopped paying attention to you for two seconds and you expose the identity of Sadie's donor.
That's the problem with Google, it's too good.
They really should make this stuff hard to find.
What she wants me to be the dad.
Don't be mental.
Fuck.
Hi.
Hi.
- Congratulations.
- On what? Launching the app? Yes! Fuck, yeah.
I completely forgot.
- Thank you so much.
- How are you? I'm good.
Hey, what's up? I didn't realise you were having a party.
I'm so embarrassed.
No, that's, OK, don't be embarrassed.
Here's the thing though.
Look, Sadie doesn't know we hung out.
Hung out? I know this is shitty, and I promise I'll call you tomorrow, but right now is not a great time.
I've just had a really awful week and I wanted to talk to you.
Shh, it's OK, it's OK.
You OK, Tanya? Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
I'm going to head home.
Congratulations on all your success.
You're charmed, aren't you? Speech, speech, speech, speech.
ALL: Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! OK, OK, OK, OK.
Well, hi, everybody and thank you for being here tonight.
The idea for Mine was Leila's, so Leila should speak.
Leila WHOOPING Um The only reason any of this happened is because Sadie made it happen.
All the best things in my life are because of you.
And also you guys did great work.
- Cheers.
- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - TEXT MESSAGE TONE - Mine started RUBY GASPS What? I'm sorry.
I interrupted, I, it's I got some really good news.
- Please go on.
- What's the good news, Ruby? It's OUT OF BREATH Vice just bought my blog.
- What?! - Yeah.
Yeah, that was my lawyer just now.
They've just closed the deal.
We're going to do a series that I star in! - As well as a book! - Oh, my God! CHEERING And I I owe it all to you two, I do.
I do, guys, it has been such a privilege being part of Mine and watching it grow.
And that's why my heart aches at the thought of leaving, it really does, to build my brand with Vice.
- CHEERING - I'm going to miss you all so much! Guys I don't know what the future holds.
I really don't.
But I know one thing.
If you're offered a place on a rocket ship, you don't ask what seat.
You just get on! CHEERING Oh, and congratulations to Sadie and Leila and everyone else at Mine.
And Heather, you're coming with me! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Oh, my God! - Sadie, have you got a second? I need champagne! Somebody get me a champagne! Thank you so much! I can't believe you've got a whole team of people working for you.
You know, I thought you were a mess.
What did you think I was doing? Playing with my dick all day? I've got to go.
Don't say anything to Sadie.
I won't.
- Thanks for coming.
- Later.
MESSAGE TONE Motherfucker! This is bullshit.
My sister keeps sending me photos of girls that she's trying to set me up with.
- She's cute.
- I don't care if she's cute.
I mean, do you have any idea how disrespectful this is? I mean, I introduced her to a woman today.
I dunno, I'd classify Francisca more 'not a girl, not yet a woman.
' You should cut that umbilical cord.
How? Stand up to her.
You know, when I came out my parents weren't happy, but I was like, "These are my choices to make.
" You're saying I need to come out in my own way? - In your own way.
- Like you did? Yeah, I know, your struggle is exactly like that of the Middle Eastern lesbians.
I'm going to go over and tell her that it's not OK, cos it's not.
- OK.
- OK.
- It's kind of late.
- I don't give a fuck! I'm going to go there right now, OK? You deserve everything That's so sweet.
HE KNOCKS AT DOOR HE KNOCKS AGAIN - You all right? - You have to stop.
- Stop what? - You need to stop with the set-ups, OK? I get it.
- I know you hate Francisca.
- I don't hate the girl.
- I don't even know her.
- Yeah, exactly.
All right, OK, be honest.
Do you love her? You keep undermining me.
Your voice gets in my head and I can't tell what I like.
It's just what you think I should like.
I'm not undermining you, love.
I'm just helping you see things that you may not want to see.
No, that's not what it is.
It's just, please, stop, OK? You're the reason that I don't have a second novel, OK, because you destroyed my relationship with Jill, you're the reason I'm alone.
OK, she was the leading lady.
And you know why I don't write? Because I know what it's like to have an editor who gets me and I can't do it without her.
You'd written the book before you even met her! Yeah, but she made it better.
I don't want your opinion again, or, yeah, give your opinion and I'll just do the exact opposite, OK? I'm not letting you fuck this up.
I'm going to marry Francisca.
What? Mummy? Oh, I'm sorry, love.
Did we wake you? So, I'm crazy about her and, honestly, I just don't give a shit what you think.
Don't project your problems onto me, OK? If you're unhappy, that's on you.
You keep poking and poking and hinting and, I mean, how the F am I going to be with someone that you don't like? Well, maybe that's your brain saying you don't like her! No, that isn't it, that isn't it.
Could you stop doing that? You're playing mind games and they can't keep up, so just stop, OK? I hate you, I really fucking hate you, and I don't care that Marlow heard me swear, OK? Maybe he could do with a dose of reality, need to stop mollycoddling him.
Yeah, you're a terrible fucking dancer.
- Just fuck off.
- Fine! I'll off! DOOR SLAMS DIALLING TONE - Hola.
- Hey.
How are you? - Not great.
- What's wrong? Just my sister.
I just feel like she's never going to let me go.
She's a psycho, controlling bitch, she's never going to approve of us being together.
Not that I fucking need her approval, I hate her.
Dave, it's no big deal, it's not a real marriage, you don't even have to tell her.
No? No, we don't have to tell anyone, it's just for the visa.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
Why don't you come back to the party? - No, that's cool, have a good night.
- You too, bye.
Yeah, bye.
Day one and we lost our best coder and an assistant.
Ruby fucked us.
I know no child is responsible for its parents divorce, but I'd put a tenner on the fact she convinced her mum her dad was having an affair so they'd have something to bond over.
And you know her mum was the type who, like, threw a really big party when she got her first period, that they had a big posterboard cut out of Ruby's face that they made people sign.
So, you fucked Tanya.
It was a mistake.
See, I thought this whole thing was about you sleeping with men.
It wasn't about sleeping with men.
I didn't have any idea of what I wanted, or what I liked.
So, how long did you fancy men and not tell me? Monogamy is monogamy.
You can't be with someone ten years and not want other people.
Why does it matter that some of them were men? Because you will never be fully satisfied.
No person could give another person all the things they need.
So, why did you leave? Cos I didn't know myself outside of being yours.
I gave you my 20s.
And I gave you my 30s.
So, which one of us is worse off? I can't believe you got inseminated while we were on a fucking break.
You're such a bad ass.
Or a sociopath.
I can't decide which one.
No, it's super bad ass, I was just joking.
I think there's a part of you that wants me involved.
What makes you think that? I know you.
I went to the doctor.
I'm not pregnant.
I haven't got cancer, stop hugging me.
Look The chances of it happening were so low, I mean You're talking the Second Coming if it had took.
I don't even know why I tried.
Cos you're ready.
I mean How selfish is it to want another person who has no say in the matter? Why, because I I don't want to be alone, or because every one else is making people.
And it'd only end up hating me like I hate my mum.
That's not possible.
I'm not strong enough.
You're the strongest person I've ever met.
I grew up being scared all the time.
I know.
I know.
I know.
This wouldn't be like that.
You know, if, if you'd have said to me six months ago I would have paid for the pleasure of having some Danish jizz squirted up me, I'd have laughed in your face.
SHE LAUGHS It's OK to want this.
I mean, do I look like a fucking mum to you? Yeah.
I'd be there.
I'd be doing this with you.
No.
You don't love me any more.
Of course I fucking love you.
You see, that's the problem.
I made this choice.
You didn't.
I love you and I want you.
OK.
BACKGROUND NOISE FROM TV LEILA SIGHS - How was your sister's? - I don't want to talk about it.
How'd it go with Sadie? Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm so fucking exhausted.
You should cry.
- It always makes me feel a lot better when I cry.
- I don't cry.
You cried when Offred was stuck in that car in Handmaid's Tale.
Well, that's different.
How is that different? When it's real life, it's like emotional constipation.
Yeah, I don't have that problem.
John Chris was so soft with you.
Put his head in your lap in front of everyone like it was nothing.
So? - I could never put my head in a girl's lap.
- Why not? Because it's It looks ridiculous.
Put your head in my lap.
No! Do it.
I am a girl.
You're not trying to fuck.
There's no-one here, so it's OK if you look stupid.
Put your fucking head in my lap.
I farted.
GABE LAUGHS - I'm just kidding, I didn't fart.
- You're ruining it.
Sorry.
I thought I was being funny.
I know.