The Carrie Diaries (2012) s01e06 Episode Script
Endgame
Before there was sex, before there was the city, there was just me Carrie.
Carrie Bradshaw.
And things were getting pretty complicated with my sister You better start explaining yourself.
Or what? You'll ground me? You're not my mom.
With the guy I was interested in This isn't gonna happen.
What do you mean? Us.
You and me.
And my friends.
With you not dating someone anymore, I just don't know if this is a good idea.
It was never a good idea.
That's what made it fun.
Walt.
What are you doing here? But some things were changing for the better.
I'm George.
I'm klutzy.
Sorry.
I think you're selling yourself a bit short.
I like you, Carrie.
I want something real.
I feel the earth move my mother's favorite holiday was Thanksgiving.
Her goal was to make it the perfect day, down to every last detail.
I feel my heart start to trembling Whenever you're around and now all I wanted was to keep that perfect holiday alive, even though my mom no longer was.
Of may oh, darling I guess you could say I was obsessed, too.
when you look at me that way and when you're obsessed with one goal, it's hard to focus on anything else I feel the sky tumbling down even during an amazing date with your brand-new, sophisticated, New York boyfriend.
a-tumbling down luckily for me, he didn't seem to mind.
Should I make cranberry sauce? Or is that one of those things everyone secretly hates? I don't know anything about cranberries, but I do know that you'd be a really sexy chef.
I would love to see you in an apron.
What was I saying again? Cranberry sauce.
Mmm.
I'm definitely gonna make my mom's ambrosia salad.
What the hell is an ambrosia salad? Mmm.
Is it hot out here or is it just me? Definitely just you.
It's 40 degrees.
You know, I've never dated anyone who cooked anything before, much less an entire Thanksgiving meal.
It's so Connecticut.
Well, to be honest, I've never cooked a day in my life Except in the microwave.
But my grandma will be doing most of the actual cooking.
I'll just assist her.
Oh, so you'll be the sous chef.
My grandma's name is Helen.
Not sue.
S-o-u-s.
You'll be assisting.
Exactly.
The main thing is, I want it to be as close as what my mom did as possible.
My family's favorite holiday is Thanksgiving.
My dad's whole family came, all my cousins.
That sounds like a lot of people.
I don't even have any cousins.
You don't have cousins? Harlan's an only child, and kick's sister doesn't eat enough to get pregnant.
My extended family pretty much consisted of the maitre D' at le cirque.
I called him Uncle Jacques.
All right.
Time to resume the official George silver central Park tour.
There's more? I'm not sure you can top the statue you peed on the first time you got drunk When you were 11.
That was a joke, right? Maybe.
Maybe not.
I have to keep an air of mystery about me.
Wait till you see the bushes were I smoked my first cigarette.
Ah, preschool In High School, even a family holiday can inspire gossip.
I wonder if Donna's bringing him to the country club for Thanksgiving.
Then I'll have to watch them make out.
Ugh.
Talk about losing your appetite.
Are they really that serious? I heard he's spending it with his mom.
Where are you getting your scoop? He mentioned it during chemistry.
It's okay I talk to him, right? Of course.
It's nice he's spending time with his mom.
What? I can be happy for him even though we're not anything anymore.
Happy Turkey day, Bradshaw.
Right back at ya, Kydd.
Wow.
You guys are being ever so slightly obvious.
You have a rich, hot Manhattan boyfriend, and Sebastian can suck it.
I wouldn't exactly phrase it like that, but yeah.
I guess.
Well, me and my hot Connecticut boyfriend are spending Thanksgiving dinner together.
I love Walt so much, I don't even mind if it's a total W.
A.
S.
P.
snoozefest.
I apologize in advance because the Turkey will be dry, and my great Uncle Kenneth will not be.
Well, my Turkey is going to be delicious.
You're not really going to cook.
That was a joke, right? I'm sorry.
Why would that be funny? I never told you this, but I'm still traumatized from the microwave nachos you made me in the seventh grade.
You burned Velveeta.
Well, Velveeta is confusing.
I mean, is it even a cheese or what? All I'm saying is that cooking for Thanksgiving is much more advanced than anything you can do with a processed cheese product.
I know.
That's why I'm going to let my grandma do most of the cooking.
I need this to be perfect.
This is our first family holiday since You know.
I couldn't blame my friends for being right.
Preparing for Thanksgiving was a heavy burden Literally.
Whoa.
Whoa! Here.
I got it.
Ooh.
The grocery store was insane.
I saw two women get in a slap fight over the last box of stuffing mix.
Luckily, I'm fast.
Did you find the glass salad bowl for the ambrosia? Uh I'm afraid I have some bad news.
You couldn't find it? We always have it in that bowl.
Uh, no, it's not that.
Um, there's a big storm in Florida, and they've canceled all the flights.
Your grandparents won't be able to come.
Oh, no.
Yep.
No grandparents.
Thanksgiving's canceled.
It's not canceled, Dorrit.
It's just not what we would usually do.
But I've come up with a fantastic idea.
I've invited Harlan and George over, and I thought we could just Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
This cannot be happening.
Oh, don't tell me you two broke up already.
How am I supposed to keep up? Dad, we just started dating.
And George is from the city.
I'm not ready for him to see suburban Carrie yet.
George probably doesn't even eat Turkey.
He probably has foie gras, or whatever that is.
It's a fat duck.
How do you even know that? We don't have to worry about that, okay? I figured we would just order takeout anyway.
Why would we order takeout when I just battled my way through the grocery store? Because grandma won't be here to cook.
I can cook.
What? I can follow all of mom's recipes.
They're really detailed.
Honey, you don't have to do this for us.
It's too much work.
No one expects it of you.
Do you think I can pull this off, but I can.
Trust me.
You're gonna be thanking me when we're sitting down at the dining room table, not eating kung pao chicken from the carton.
Come on, dad.
It'll be mom's recipe.
She did make a great Turkey.
The only one in the history of turkeys that wasn't dry.
You're delusional.
Why don't I get a say in this? I don't want to eat Carrie's cooking.
I wanna live.
Shut up, Dorrit.
Now I have things to chop and salad bowls to find, so both of you scram.
Scram.
You sound just like your mother.
But if you need any help I got this! My goal was to make my mother's Thanksgiving a reality, and that meant making her famous ambrosia salad.
When you're determined to reach your goal, obstacles don't scare you away Not even the prospect of your cool new boyfriend in close proximity to your hello Kitty collection.
But that didn't mean I wouldn' .
Everything that was possible to hide, I hid.
But I couldn't hide everything embarrassing.
What are you doing? Dorrit wouldn't fit in the drawers.
What does it look like I'm doing? I'm cleaning up.
We're having guests, including a guy I really like, and I want him to think I'm cool.
Good luck with that, hello Kitty.
Are you seriously gonna wear that? You look like a-a hobo.
Hobo? Who says "hobo"? Stop acting like a grown-up.
It's annoying.
No, what's annoying is your lack of desire to make this day special for all of us.
You're annoying and a loser.
Bye.
At least clean up your room.
Not gonna happen.
You're only spiting yourself.
Not really.
Oh, my gosh.
I don't have time for this.
I need to get the Turkey in the oven.
Just please don't act like a freak in front of our guests.
There he was Shaun Cassidy, my teen dream.
But there was no way I could let him come face-to-face with my real boyfriend.
While I worried about Dorrit letting her true colors show, Maggie had hidden her true colors for Walt's sake.
Are you going to church? What are you doing here? Your dad invited a bunch of us to come over and eat and watch the game.
Couldn't turn down an invitation from the boss.
Or a chance to see you.
Even if you are dressed like Nancy Reagan.
Not that it's any of your business, but I'm going to my boyfriend's, where they dress up for dinner.
I didn't know you guys were back together.
Now you do.
And your mom's okay with you missing Thanksgiving with your family? She thinks it's great.
It means we're serious.
If you'll excuse me.
Here we go.
I can do this.
You're already behind.
You shouldn't have taken an hour to clean up for your cool new boyfriend.
Zip it, Dorrit.
It's 10:58, which means I'm two minutes ahead of my perfect Thanksgiving schedule.
Wait.
I can't read the recipe.
Probably a grease stain.
Looks like we can't eat Turkey.
Let's see.
Christmas cookies.
"Fun with fondue.
" Quick breads and cakes.
Where are all the normal cookbooks? How should I know? Okay, so I don't have any recipes.
Uh you always hung out with mom in the kitchen while dad and I watched football.
Any chance she taught you how to, you know, cook a Turkey? Nope.
Sorry.
What am I gonna do? Admit this whole idea's a joke.
I am so happy you're here.
My perfect Thanksgiving is turning into a total disaster.
And forget about me keeping an air of mystery for George.
I was on the verge of asking my dad to make his frito and bean dip for dinner.
Oh.
Well, good thing we did the early seating at the country club.
I'm yours for the rest of the day.
Donna was there.
If I had to hear her coo "My boyfriend Sebastian" One more time Sebastian was at the country club? No, but that didn't stop her from going on and on about him.
So What have you gotten done so far? Um, the Turkey's thawed.
Okay.
Good.
What else? I called you.
Then let's get down to business.
Oh, no.
He's here.
I'll get it! Apron or not? Is it too suburban hausfrau? George has only seen Manhattan, Carrie, and I don't want Connecticut Carrie to scare him.
He knows you're from the suburbs.
What's the big deal? Mouse, we talked about this.
It's too early for him to see so much of the real me.
There are photo albums in this house of me in headgear.
Headgear.
Okay.
Okay, I get it.
You look like you, Carrie, non hausfrau variety.
You have nothing to worry about.
Thanks.
The food would have to wait.
Phase two of "operation perfect Thanksgiving" was in effect Impressing George.
Good to see you again.
Come on in.
Uh, can I tell her Coats, guys? I know Carrie's expecting you.
Welcome to our home, Mr.
silver.
Oh, call me "Harlan.
" George does.
- Harlan.
- Call him "Mr.
silver"" right.
Happy Thanksgiving, George.
Wonderful bottle of scotch for a wonderful day.
I look forward to partaking Just when it seemed like everything was under control, there he was.
Dad, George, Harlan Uh, Mr.
silver, why don't you head to the den? Uh, you'll find crudit Croo-dit carrot sticks on the coffee table, and I believe the cowboys/patriots game is about to start.
Sounds good to me.
You don't need help in the kitchen? No.
No.
Go ahead.
You don't wanna miss kickoff.
I'd rather hang out with you.
Um Well, in, hat case, how about I take you on a tour of the upstairs? Hmm.
I like that idea.
Go ahead.
Can Tony Dorsett run the ball defensively? And which quarterback shows up and has the better day? Nice try.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Come back for the kickoff.
So sit back for a I'm sorry.
If someone who looks like Arnold Schwarzen- whatever-his-name is comes to your door and asks if you're Sarah Connor, you say "no.
" You say you're Jane Smith and you get the hell eck out of there.
Other than that, the movie was pretty good.
You do have a way with words, Maggie.
I never go to the cinema anymore.
Every film they release looks more dreadful than the last.
Thank you for saving me from extreme boredom.
I owe you.
Yeah, you do.
Walter, did you catch the dartmouth-Princeton game last weekend? No, sir, I missed it.
Darn! Well, don't you worry.
You'll have plenty of time to go to the games when you're at dartmouth.
I made most of my closest friends when I was there.
Did I ever tell you how my D.
K.
E.
Brothers and I spent an entire night in a wine cellar tied up naked.
Yes, many, many times.
It's always funny to hear, though.
Well, I can't wait for you to have that experience, too, Walter.
Me either, dad.
And what about you, Maggie? Any idea where you'd like to go to college? College? Oh, no, I'm a junior.
I don't have to worry about that till next year.
Oh.
Um I'll probably just look for a school not too far away from Walt.
We haven't really talked about it.
Yeah.
I mean, who knows what'll happen? The future's a long way away.
Indeed, and you're much too young to make those kind of plans.
Follow him to college? That was a joke.
What is this, the 1950s? I don't get it.
Maggie couldn't have felt less at home.
So here we are My bedroom.
But George seemed pretty comfortable in mine.
I've been waiting to do that since I saw you in this apron.
Carrie? I'm busy.
Mouse needs you in the kitchen.
She says it's urgent.
Poor mouse.
She tends to get flustered.
I should probably go see what's going on.
No problem.
Maybe later you can give me a tour of the basement.
It's kind of dark and yucky down there.
Mouse was having a total cow.
But don't worry.
I'll keep George company.
Come on.
I'll take you to the den.
I didn't think anything could be worse than leaving Dorrit alone with George, but I was wrong.
Just close your eyes and do it.
You do it.
You're the one who wants to be the surgeon.
A people surgeon, not a Turkey surgeon! Now hurry up, or this Turkey won't be done until midnight, which I highly doubt is what you had in mind for your "perfect Thanksgiving"" I was thinking more like 5:30.
Well, then you know what to do.
So we eat at midnight.
And George is from Manhattan.
He probably does that all the time.
Carrie, do it.
Go.
- Go, go! Go.
- Ew.
Aah! What is that? Ew, oh, oh! Oh.
Uhh! Okay.
Great.
Ugh.
So that's done.
Now we I need to go check on George and Dorrit.
Um, Carrie? Yeah.
We need those giblets for the gravy.
He has a man free in the middle.
And oh! Oh, come on! You gotta catch the ball! You are pathetic! Ugh! Landry, take your hat off.
You looking forward to that Turkey your sister's cooking? Oh, yeah, but then again, I have a strong stomach.
Do you have a strong stomach? Oh, I get your shtick.
I don't have a shtick.
What's a shtick? Let me guess.
You have a pet fish named Morrissey.
You wear all black because you think it makes you look different, even though all your friends dress that way, too.
Morrissey is a hamster.
So you're saying I'm some kind of cliche? No, just going through a phase.
I'm sure my shrink would have a name for it.
You have a shrink? That's so cool.
I want one.
He was a birthday present when I turned 7.
I was a biter.
I bit people until I was 8.
Cool.
Go, go, go! Go! Go, go, go, go! Come on! Ohh! Come on! Ah! Brie? Oh, sure.
Hey, Dorrit, you wanna come hang out with us in the kitchen? I know you used to love to do that when mom was cooking.
Come on.
It'll be fun.
Doesn't sound fun.
Dorrit.
Besides, George and I are talking.
Now he has that breakaway speed.
Hey, George, can I borrow you for a second? Uh sure.
- Oh, my - He's he's blind! Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Sorry you're stuck with my sister.
Is she being a total bitch? No, not at all.
She's actually really cool.
You don't have to be polite.
No, really.
We're actually having fun.
Oh, God.
I mean, oh, good.
Carrie, I need you in the kitchen.
Now! I really, really need you.
I think you should go with your friend.
She seems really frazzled.
I guess I should.
I couldn't let my boyfriend distract me from making my perfect Thanksgiving meal.
Go on.
I'll be fine.
Okay.
Touchdown! Yeah! Yeah! This better be serious.
We have a dire situation in there.
Dorrit's torturing him? No, it's much worse.
She's bonding with him.
And that's bad? Why? This is Dorrit.
She'll play nice to suck him in, then tell him something hideous about me like the Disney world story.
The pants-peeing story? Not what I prefer to call it, but yes.
Well, we have bigger problems.
Bigger than George finding out I peed on both chip and Dale's laps? Yes, much bigger! Look at the Turkey! It's enormous! The oven door can't even close.
Why on earth would you buy such a big one? I didn't know they came in different sizes.
I thought they were all just Turkey-sized.
Well, the heat's not staying in because the door's ajar.
At this rate, the Turkey won't be done until Christmas.
Whoo! Yeah! What are we gonna do? Uhh! There.
Broil.
Now the Turkey will cook twice as fast, and we'll still be on track to eat at 5:30, That actually seems like it could work.
Great.
Problem solved.
Not so fast! What about the gravy, the sweet potatoes, and the 12 other things we have left to do?! Yeah! Ugh.
You're right.
Just give me a minute.
Now it's third down.
Where'd Dorrit go? Uh, upstairs.
Knowing her, that means we won't see her for the rest of the night.
Are you kidding me?! That was That was out of bounds.
You're kidding me! Absolutely or he's bought off by the the cow ugh.
Oh, uh, Carrie, any idea when the Turkey will be done? Your mother called me in for dinner right in the middle of the fourth quarter every year.
So please don't rush on my account.
Yeah.
I don't think that'll be a problem.
All right.
Now that Dorrit is taken care of, I'm ready to do Whatever this thing does.
Okay.
Here's to a better second quarter that leaves the cowboys and that smug tom Landry bastard on their asses, huh? Who's your team, George? And please don't say the cowboys.
Worse.
I'm a jets man.
I'll be back.
Gotta use the bathroom.
How can he not like the giants? I'm half-convinced he does it just to bug me.
That could be.
That could be.
When Carrie was 10 years old, she got so pissed off that I wouldn't let her Pierce her ears, she declared herself a cowboys fan.
Well, that Turkey smells good.
I don't think I've had a home-cooked meal since the Ford administration.
So I could get used to not having a wife.
Sorry.
That came out wrong.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I have some things to be thankful for, too.
Yeah? Carrie is in the kitchen cooking dinner.
Dorrit has not blown anything up yet.
This is These are good signs.
Right? Yes.
So I'm just gonna look on the bright side.
I get to Park myself here and watch some football.
Lucky me.
While my dad was feeling grateful The line of scrimmage is pushed back.
Someone else found out he didn't have much to be grateful for.
Going over.
This new England Your mother called.
She's very sorry, but she had to change her plans.
So she's bailing on me.
Let me guess.
She went off with the tennis instructor? Where are they? Aspen? Palm beach? Saint barts.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Sebastian.
Would you like to come eat at my house? No.
Thank you.
No, you go be with your family.
I'm just gonna watch the game, maybe order a pizza.
He breaks the tackle inside the fourth, grabbed from behind by clayborn And brought down all Clearing the table? My family must be worse than I thought.
Mm-hmm.
Be careful with those.
Whoa.
What's wrong? I think I'm just sick of you not being able to stand up to your parents.
Where did that come from? It was so pathetic, the way you just nodded and smiled about dartmouth.
Why can't you just say it? "No, dad.
I wanna go to N.
Y.
U.
And work in advertising.
" You're not saying you wanna be a serial killer.
What's the big deal? It is a big deal to my dad.
He has his own goals for me, and he doesn't care what I really want.
Why are you trying to pick a fight with me about this? I don't know.
At least they have goals for you.
No one in my life seems to be thinking about my future, including me.
That joke about following you to college.
Not a joke.
Oh.
Really? Yes, really.
How's that supposed to make me feel that you laughed at me? Mags, I laughed because it seems crazy that someone like you would ever do something like follow me.
Someone like me? Yeah.
You're so sure of yourself, and you're not afraid to be exactly who you are, unlike me, who just nods and says "yes" to his dad.
You really mean it? I want you to follow your own dream.
Yeah.
Maggie had never thought much about the future, but maybe she needed to.
It was an uncomfortable realization that being with Walt couldn't be her only goal.
Oh, wait.
We need to add a few more mini marshmallows.
There.
Looks just like my mom's.
Mission accomplished.
Sweet potatoes in the oven.
Check.
Right on schedule.
My perfect Thanksgiving is really gonna happen.
Still trying to pull off dinner? Must be some kind of masochist.
I did pull it off.
We're actually gonna have a Thanksgiving just like we had with mom.
What's her problem? I have no idea, but she's acting worse than usual today.
Did she just leave? Uh-oh.
Missing sister Not a perfect Thanksgiving.
She is not going to do this, not now, when everything's finally coming together.
I could imagine all kinds of scenarios for how Dorrit could ruin Thanksgiving.
But what I found was completely unexpected.
What the hell is wrong with you? You're smoking pot with dad right inside? So? So this is our family Thanksgiving, and all you're doing is trying to ruin everything.
You tried to embarrass me in front of George.
You won't help me in the kitchen.
It's like you wanna sabotage tonight.
You ruined those recipes and hid the cookbooks, didn't you? So what if I did? What is it this time, Dorrit? Don't feel like you're getting enough attention? Well, you're about to get more than you bargained for.
I'm telling dad.
Go ahead.
I don't care.
I'm not the one desperate for attention, wearing mom's apron and trying to pretend to be her, like you can just take her place.
I'm not trying to pretend anything, Dorrit.
I'm trying to honor mom's memory by making things feel the same.
But they're not, and you can't make them that way.
So why even try? I finally realized why Dorrit was so fixated on her goal of ruining the day.
It had nothing to do with torturing me.
Having Thanksgiving without my mom was torture for her.
Dorrit, open the door.
I'm not leaving until you let me in.
Then you're gonna die out there.
I smell pot.
No doy.
That's 'cause I'm smoking it.
Now leave me alone.
Dorrit, come on.
Right there, hit at the line of scrimmage What was that? And I-I think you gotta wonder what was in the thinking there.
No, no, you're kidding me.
Well, I gotta tell you Hey, little sis, you're back early.
Ran out of gin? Yeah, I wish.
Brian, can I ask you something? Did you always know you wanted to be a cop? No.
I wanted to be the lead singer of bachman Turner overdrive, but seemed like a long shot.
Dad's a cop.
The money's good.
It's stable.
Why? You never thought about going to college? Who do you think we are, the Rockefellers? Joey got to go to college.
Joey's the smart one.
Yeah, golden boy.
Its' so gross, how dad's proud of him for being a yuppie.
So is there any money for me to go to college? No.
Oh.
But maybe you could get a scholarship.
What are you worried about, anyway? You're a girl.
You can just marry Walt.
Right.
Maggie had never even thought of college as a concrete goal, but finding out that goal was impossible still came as a shock.
And we're looking to go into the locker rooms At halftime, with the cowboys leading the patriots Hello? Oh.
Hey, Donna.
No, my mom's not, uh, here right now.
No, it's cool.
Yeah, I could probably come by.
Yep.
Later.
Dorrit, come on.
Please? Bite me, dweeb-azoid.
Carrie.
I've been looking everywhere for you.
Is everything all right? I heard yelling and Is that pot? Pot? Yelling? No, no.
Um that's just the oregano In the stuffing.
And the, uh, yelling's from Dorrit's music.
She's into some really loud punk.
But, no, not to worry.
Everything's fine here.
I hate this family! Let's head downstairs.
So you and your sister weren't fighting? No.
No, of course not.
Why would you think such a thing? Well, holidays bring out the worst in my family.
Somebody always explodes.
Well, everyone here gets along just fine.
That's right.
Me, dad, Dorrit We're all just one big, happy normal family.
Move along, folks.
Nothing to see.
No explosions here.
You and you Sorry, mouse.
Your dad just asked me for ice and referred to me as the "oriental maid"" yeah, that sounds like Harlan.
And you Oh, no.
Now what went wrong? What didn't? Burning.
That's not supposed to be happening.
What do we do? Why is there smoke? What's going on? I don't know.
Won't open.
What did you do? What did you do?! What did I do? Everything, that's what.
Oriental maid begs to differ.
Someone needs to care enough about this family to keep us going.
Someone needs to make the Turkey and the sweet potatoes, and get it all done at just the right time so you can watch your stupid football game.
I'm gonna lose it.
I think you kinda are.
You don't even have a clue what's going on in your own family.
I mean, Dorrit was up there, and Ugh.
Dorrit and I are trying to deal with mom not being here today, and you didn't even notice, and Now smoke is pouring out, and my Turkey is ruined, all because I just wanted everyone to have a perfect Thanksgiving.
Obviously, that's a joke, because I'm not mom.
I'm your daughter, and you're supposed to be taking care of me.
Now this feels like Thanksgiving.
The last thing I'd planned for on Thanksgiving was blowing up at my dad or blowing up a Turkey.
But you know what they say about the best-laid plans What a disaster.
They tend to go awry.
Let's look on the bright side.
And what would that be, mouse? Humiliating myself in front of my boyfriend, not having any food to eat, or not having any power until tomorrow because all the fuses are blown? Take your pick.
Well we still have ambrosia salad, and the firemen said there's no major damage, and George has been "looking for candle"" for 20 minutes.
He's probably avoiding me until he can run screaming back to the city and never see me again.
I can think of a bright side.
Since the Turkey exploded, no one had to taste how bad it would have been.
Just a joke.
And thanks.
For not telling dad About the pot.
I'm gonna go help George find those candles.
Sweetie, I wasn't trying to replace mom.
I wanted us to have a great day because that's what she would have wanted.
She loved Thanksgiving so much.
You don't even know how much Thanksgiving stressed her out, do you? What are you talking about? It was her favorite holiday.
Please.
She hated doing all that work while dad sat around watching football.
She played her music loud so she could scream at him without the entire family hearing her.
When I heard you from upstairs, wigging out at the oven, for a second, I swore it was her.
Freaked me out.
Wow, Dorrit.
But then it was kinda nice to remember her.
I wanted to forget the whole day.
That's why I hid the recipes and got stoned.
It felt wrong to even try if she can't be here.
To me it felt wrong not to try.
Next year, I'll pull out the giblets.
I always did that for mom.
I liked it.
You're sick, and next year? Are you kidding me? I'm never cooking again.
When I'm an adult, I'm gonna use my oven for storage or something.
Probably a good idea.
Sometimes darkness is comforting.
In the darkness, we can hide from what we don't want to accept.
But sooner or later, we have to face the light.
Jeez, what the hell are you doing sitting here in the dark? Look out.
Drunk man, open flame.
What was I thinking? That that I could just watch the game and let my teenage daughter do all the work? I'm the one that should have been worrying about how to make Thanksgiving perfect, not Carrie.
I'm the one that's responsible for keeping this family going.
Only me.
Only me.
But what if I can't do it? And what if I can't keep us together? Patriots.
Maybe you should head back into the city.
Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
I'll let my driver know.
You're home early.
What happened? Did the W.
A.
S.
P.
S find out that you're catholic? I'm really not in the mood.
Relax.
It was a joke.
So what happened? You are the last person I wanna talk to about it.
Well I do care about you, Maggie.
Thanks.
If you mean it.
Oh.
Of course I do.
You know what? There is one thing I wanna know, though.
Did any of the stuffed shirts notice that you're not wearing any underwear under that prim little dress? Who says I'm not wearing any underwear? There is only one way to find out.
Wait.
What's the problem? This is my problem.
I keep doing things without thinking how they're gonna affect my future or my boyfriend.
Maybe it's better if you stop thinking.
I I think you should get out.
Maybe Maggie didn't have any long-term goals.
But her immediate goal was to respect herself.
Well, everything is as it should be.
My dad's passed out in the back of the town car.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Sorry I freaked out and added to your list of terrible thanksgivings.
Oh, Carrie, it's fine.
You weren't avoiding me? You seem weirdly eager to run off and look for candles in a house you barely know.
I was just trying to give you space.
That's what my shrink says to do when people get upset.
I was not avoiding you.
Even though I yelled and broke the oven and almost burned the house down? Carrie, on the silver scale of insane holidays, this is nothing.
Last year my family got banned from le cirque after kick threw a Turkey leg at my dad.
She hit Liza Minnelli instead.
That's pretty bad.
I feel like such a failure.
I tried so hard for this perfect family holiday that no one even wanted.
Well, my family stopped trying a long time ago, and now we're not even a family anymore.
So I didn't completely blow my air of mystery for you? Mystery's overrated.
Call you tomorrow.
Hey.
I saw the boyfriend.
He's cute.
You got room for one more in here? Come on in.
How was Walt's? The food inedible.
The mood repressed.
How was here? Mm, definitely not repressed.
What's with the no lights? Long story.
For a little while little while ah, Mrs.
brewer's kindergarten class, circa 1973.
I remember making one.
I can't believe you still have this.
Yeah.
My mom saved everything.
Just when I thought this Thanksgiving couldn't possibly hold any more surprises There he was The last person I expected to see, the one thing I never could have planned for.
falling in love I thought you were gonna be with your mom.
Yeah, I thought so, too.
Saint barts with Lucas was an offer she couldn't refuse.
I'm sorry.
That sucks.
Oh, it's no big deal.
No, it does suck.
I know it's cheesy, but I always really liked Thanksgiving.
We used to go to my cousin's house in Jersey, play touch football, eat too much.
I always liked Thanksgiving with my cousins, too.
Is it crazy that I sometimes think the money ruined everything? My mom stopped talking to our brother, so I never see that side of the family anymore.
She got her new boobs and nose, and it seems like a whole new brain.
It's like she doesn't care about things like Thanksgiving anymore.
But you do.
And that's great That you still care.
I was driving around, just thinking And I realized you were the person I really wanted to see.
I knew I could talk to you, and you'd get it.
Do you ever wish you could go back and change things? Choices that you made.
Choices that maybe were mistakes? Sometimes.
Yeah? Of course there was a part of me that did wish I could go back and change things, but that's not how life works.
But you can't go back.
Choices get made, and things happen because of them.
Yeah, well I guess I should go.
You wanna come in? You can stay and eat.
We have ambrosia salad.
I like ambrosia salad.
You sure it wouldn't be weird? I don't think so.
Yeah.
Maybe I should just go.
Wait.
Just give me a minute.
Um I hope it's okay, but his family isn't here.
It's okay.
Go on in.
We got brie.
Uh for you, sir.
A bottle of scotch.
Thank you.
It's exactly what I didn't need.
Dad, before you say anything, I didn't plan for him to come over.
But his mom left him all alone, and he doesn't have anywhere else to go.
Well, no one should be alone on Thanksgiving.
And if you say you want to invite him in, I trust that you have a good reason.
You do? You're a great kid, who hasn't had much of a chance to be a kid at all lately because you've been trying so hard to take care of this family.
I don't want Thanksgiving to be stressful for you in the way that it was for your mom.
Why does everyone know that mom hated Thanksgiving but me? All this time, I thought she loved it.
She did love it.
I mean, yeah, it made her crazy, but sometimes the things that we love the most make us the craziest because we love them.
Well, cooking made me crazy, but definitely not because I love it.
Huh.
Go on inside.
I am officially taking over food preparation.
I hope you are in the mood for my frito bean dip.
Sounds like a great new Thanksgiving tradition.
I feel my heart start to trembling Ending the day with Sebastian was never a part of my plan.
Neither was eating fritos and bean dip for dinner.
But that night, they tasted better than Turkey.
mellow as the month of may oh, darling here it is.
The famous Bradshaw bean dip.
That's the thing about goals.
When we focus too much on our endgame, we can miss the fun of the journey we can miss the detour that would take us somewhere even more rewarding.
Oh.
Thanks, honey.
Touchdown new England! Yes! Yeah! You a patriots fan? I just hate the cowboys.
Me, too.
We like to set goals because they give us a feeling of control.
But control is an illusion, because sometimes the earth moves, and we have to deal with wherever we end up, whether it's on solid ground or not.
ground Hey! Who threw out my rainbow gloves?
Carrie Bradshaw.
And things were getting pretty complicated with my sister You better start explaining yourself.
Or what? You'll ground me? You're not my mom.
With the guy I was interested in This isn't gonna happen.
What do you mean? Us.
You and me.
And my friends.
With you not dating someone anymore, I just don't know if this is a good idea.
It was never a good idea.
That's what made it fun.
Walt.
What are you doing here? But some things were changing for the better.
I'm George.
I'm klutzy.
Sorry.
I think you're selling yourself a bit short.
I like you, Carrie.
I want something real.
I feel the earth move my mother's favorite holiday was Thanksgiving.
Her goal was to make it the perfect day, down to every last detail.
I feel my heart start to trembling Whenever you're around and now all I wanted was to keep that perfect holiday alive, even though my mom no longer was.
Of may oh, darling I guess you could say I was obsessed, too.
when you look at me that way and when you're obsessed with one goal, it's hard to focus on anything else I feel the sky tumbling down even during an amazing date with your brand-new, sophisticated, New York boyfriend.
a-tumbling down luckily for me, he didn't seem to mind.
Should I make cranberry sauce? Or is that one of those things everyone secretly hates? I don't know anything about cranberries, but I do know that you'd be a really sexy chef.
I would love to see you in an apron.
What was I saying again? Cranberry sauce.
Mmm.
I'm definitely gonna make my mom's ambrosia salad.
What the hell is an ambrosia salad? Mmm.
Is it hot out here or is it just me? Definitely just you.
It's 40 degrees.
You know, I've never dated anyone who cooked anything before, much less an entire Thanksgiving meal.
It's so Connecticut.
Well, to be honest, I've never cooked a day in my life Except in the microwave.
But my grandma will be doing most of the actual cooking.
I'll just assist her.
Oh, so you'll be the sous chef.
My grandma's name is Helen.
Not sue.
S-o-u-s.
You'll be assisting.
Exactly.
The main thing is, I want it to be as close as what my mom did as possible.
My family's favorite holiday is Thanksgiving.
My dad's whole family came, all my cousins.
That sounds like a lot of people.
I don't even have any cousins.
You don't have cousins? Harlan's an only child, and kick's sister doesn't eat enough to get pregnant.
My extended family pretty much consisted of the maitre D' at le cirque.
I called him Uncle Jacques.
All right.
Time to resume the official George silver central Park tour.
There's more? I'm not sure you can top the statue you peed on the first time you got drunk When you were 11.
That was a joke, right? Maybe.
Maybe not.
I have to keep an air of mystery about me.
Wait till you see the bushes were I smoked my first cigarette.
Ah, preschool In High School, even a family holiday can inspire gossip.
I wonder if Donna's bringing him to the country club for Thanksgiving.
Then I'll have to watch them make out.
Ugh.
Talk about losing your appetite.
Are they really that serious? I heard he's spending it with his mom.
Where are you getting your scoop? He mentioned it during chemistry.
It's okay I talk to him, right? Of course.
It's nice he's spending time with his mom.
What? I can be happy for him even though we're not anything anymore.
Happy Turkey day, Bradshaw.
Right back at ya, Kydd.
Wow.
You guys are being ever so slightly obvious.
You have a rich, hot Manhattan boyfriend, and Sebastian can suck it.
I wouldn't exactly phrase it like that, but yeah.
I guess.
Well, me and my hot Connecticut boyfriend are spending Thanksgiving dinner together.
I love Walt so much, I don't even mind if it's a total W.
A.
S.
P.
snoozefest.
I apologize in advance because the Turkey will be dry, and my great Uncle Kenneth will not be.
Well, my Turkey is going to be delicious.
You're not really going to cook.
That was a joke, right? I'm sorry.
Why would that be funny? I never told you this, but I'm still traumatized from the microwave nachos you made me in the seventh grade.
You burned Velveeta.
Well, Velveeta is confusing.
I mean, is it even a cheese or what? All I'm saying is that cooking for Thanksgiving is much more advanced than anything you can do with a processed cheese product.
I know.
That's why I'm going to let my grandma do most of the cooking.
I need this to be perfect.
This is our first family holiday since You know.
I couldn't blame my friends for being right.
Preparing for Thanksgiving was a heavy burden Literally.
Whoa.
Whoa! Here.
I got it.
Ooh.
The grocery store was insane.
I saw two women get in a slap fight over the last box of stuffing mix.
Luckily, I'm fast.
Did you find the glass salad bowl for the ambrosia? Uh I'm afraid I have some bad news.
You couldn't find it? We always have it in that bowl.
Uh, no, it's not that.
Um, there's a big storm in Florida, and they've canceled all the flights.
Your grandparents won't be able to come.
Oh, no.
Yep.
No grandparents.
Thanksgiving's canceled.
It's not canceled, Dorrit.
It's just not what we would usually do.
But I've come up with a fantastic idea.
I've invited Harlan and George over, and I thought we could just Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
This cannot be happening.
Oh, don't tell me you two broke up already.
How am I supposed to keep up? Dad, we just started dating.
And George is from the city.
I'm not ready for him to see suburban Carrie yet.
George probably doesn't even eat Turkey.
He probably has foie gras, or whatever that is.
It's a fat duck.
How do you even know that? We don't have to worry about that, okay? I figured we would just order takeout anyway.
Why would we order takeout when I just battled my way through the grocery store? Because grandma won't be here to cook.
I can cook.
What? I can follow all of mom's recipes.
They're really detailed.
Honey, you don't have to do this for us.
It's too much work.
No one expects it of you.
Do you think I can pull this off, but I can.
Trust me.
You're gonna be thanking me when we're sitting down at the dining room table, not eating kung pao chicken from the carton.
Come on, dad.
It'll be mom's recipe.
She did make a great Turkey.
The only one in the history of turkeys that wasn't dry.
You're delusional.
Why don't I get a say in this? I don't want to eat Carrie's cooking.
I wanna live.
Shut up, Dorrit.
Now I have things to chop and salad bowls to find, so both of you scram.
Scram.
You sound just like your mother.
But if you need any help I got this! My goal was to make my mother's Thanksgiving a reality, and that meant making her famous ambrosia salad.
When you're determined to reach your goal, obstacles don't scare you away Not even the prospect of your cool new boyfriend in close proximity to your hello Kitty collection.
But that didn't mean I wouldn' .
Everything that was possible to hide, I hid.
But I couldn't hide everything embarrassing.
What are you doing? Dorrit wouldn't fit in the drawers.
What does it look like I'm doing? I'm cleaning up.
We're having guests, including a guy I really like, and I want him to think I'm cool.
Good luck with that, hello Kitty.
Are you seriously gonna wear that? You look like a-a hobo.
Hobo? Who says "hobo"? Stop acting like a grown-up.
It's annoying.
No, what's annoying is your lack of desire to make this day special for all of us.
You're annoying and a loser.
Bye.
At least clean up your room.
Not gonna happen.
You're only spiting yourself.
Not really.
Oh, my gosh.
I don't have time for this.
I need to get the Turkey in the oven.
Just please don't act like a freak in front of our guests.
There he was Shaun Cassidy, my teen dream.
But there was no way I could let him come face-to-face with my real boyfriend.
While I worried about Dorrit letting her true colors show, Maggie had hidden her true colors for Walt's sake.
Are you going to church? What are you doing here? Your dad invited a bunch of us to come over and eat and watch the game.
Couldn't turn down an invitation from the boss.
Or a chance to see you.
Even if you are dressed like Nancy Reagan.
Not that it's any of your business, but I'm going to my boyfriend's, where they dress up for dinner.
I didn't know you guys were back together.
Now you do.
And your mom's okay with you missing Thanksgiving with your family? She thinks it's great.
It means we're serious.
If you'll excuse me.
Here we go.
I can do this.
You're already behind.
You shouldn't have taken an hour to clean up for your cool new boyfriend.
Zip it, Dorrit.
It's 10:58, which means I'm two minutes ahead of my perfect Thanksgiving schedule.
Wait.
I can't read the recipe.
Probably a grease stain.
Looks like we can't eat Turkey.
Let's see.
Christmas cookies.
"Fun with fondue.
" Quick breads and cakes.
Where are all the normal cookbooks? How should I know? Okay, so I don't have any recipes.
Uh you always hung out with mom in the kitchen while dad and I watched football.
Any chance she taught you how to, you know, cook a Turkey? Nope.
Sorry.
What am I gonna do? Admit this whole idea's a joke.
I am so happy you're here.
My perfect Thanksgiving is turning into a total disaster.
And forget about me keeping an air of mystery for George.
I was on the verge of asking my dad to make his frito and bean dip for dinner.
Oh.
Well, good thing we did the early seating at the country club.
I'm yours for the rest of the day.
Donna was there.
If I had to hear her coo "My boyfriend Sebastian" One more time Sebastian was at the country club? No, but that didn't stop her from going on and on about him.
So What have you gotten done so far? Um, the Turkey's thawed.
Okay.
Good.
What else? I called you.
Then let's get down to business.
Oh, no.
He's here.
I'll get it! Apron or not? Is it too suburban hausfrau? George has only seen Manhattan, Carrie, and I don't want Connecticut Carrie to scare him.
He knows you're from the suburbs.
What's the big deal? Mouse, we talked about this.
It's too early for him to see so much of the real me.
There are photo albums in this house of me in headgear.
Headgear.
Okay.
Okay, I get it.
You look like you, Carrie, non hausfrau variety.
You have nothing to worry about.
Thanks.
The food would have to wait.
Phase two of "operation perfect Thanksgiving" was in effect Impressing George.
Good to see you again.
Come on in.
Uh, can I tell her Coats, guys? I know Carrie's expecting you.
Welcome to our home, Mr.
silver.
Oh, call me "Harlan.
" George does.
- Harlan.
- Call him "Mr.
silver"" right.
Happy Thanksgiving, George.
Wonderful bottle of scotch for a wonderful day.
I look forward to partaking Just when it seemed like everything was under control, there he was.
Dad, George, Harlan Uh, Mr.
silver, why don't you head to the den? Uh, you'll find crudit Croo-dit carrot sticks on the coffee table, and I believe the cowboys/patriots game is about to start.
Sounds good to me.
You don't need help in the kitchen? No.
No.
Go ahead.
You don't wanna miss kickoff.
I'd rather hang out with you.
Um Well, in, hat case, how about I take you on a tour of the upstairs? Hmm.
I like that idea.
Go ahead.
Can Tony Dorsett run the ball defensively? And which quarterback shows up and has the better day? Nice try.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Come back for the kickoff.
So sit back for a I'm sorry.
If someone who looks like Arnold Schwarzen- whatever-his-name is comes to your door and asks if you're Sarah Connor, you say "no.
" You say you're Jane Smith and you get the hell eck out of there.
Other than that, the movie was pretty good.
You do have a way with words, Maggie.
I never go to the cinema anymore.
Every film they release looks more dreadful than the last.
Thank you for saving me from extreme boredom.
I owe you.
Yeah, you do.
Walter, did you catch the dartmouth-Princeton game last weekend? No, sir, I missed it.
Darn! Well, don't you worry.
You'll have plenty of time to go to the games when you're at dartmouth.
I made most of my closest friends when I was there.
Did I ever tell you how my D.
K.
E.
Brothers and I spent an entire night in a wine cellar tied up naked.
Yes, many, many times.
It's always funny to hear, though.
Well, I can't wait for you to have that experience, too, Walter.
Me either, dad.
And what about you, Maggie? Any idea where you'd like to go to college? College? Oh, no, I'm a junior.
I don't have to worry about that till next year.
Oh.
Um I'll probably just look for a school not too far away from Walt.
We haven't really talked about it.
Yeah.
I mean, who knows what'll happen? The future's a long way away.
Indeed, and you're much too young to make those kind of plans.
Follow him to college? That was a joke.
What is this, the 1950s? I don't get it.
Maggie couldn't have felt less at home.
So here we are My bedroom.
But George seemed pretty comfortable in mine.
I've been waiting to do that since I saw you in this apron.
Carrie? I'm busy.
Mouse needs you in the kitchen.
She says it's urgent.
Poor mouse.
She tends to get flustered.
I should probably go see what's going on.
No problem.
Maybe later you can give me a tour of the basement.
It's kind of dark and yucky down there.
Mouse was having a total cow.
But don't worry.
I'll keep George company.
Come on.
I'll take you to the den.
I didn't think anything could be worse than leaving Dorrit alone with George, but I was wrong.
Just close your eyes and do it.
You do it.
You're the one who wants to be the surgeon.
A people surgeon, not a Turkey surgeon! Now hurry up, or this Turkey won't be done until midnight, which I highly doubt is what you had in mind for your "perfect Thanksgiving"" I was thinking more like 5:30.
Well, then you know what to do.
So we eat at midnight.
And George is from Manhattan.
He probably does that all the time.
Carrie, do it.
Go.
- Go, go! Go.
- Ew.
Aah! What is that? Ew, oh, oh! Oh.
Uhh! Okay.
Great.
Ugh.
So that's done.
Now we I need to go check on George and Dorrit.
Um, Carrie? Yeah.
We need those giblets for the gravy.
He has a man free in the middle.
And oh! Oh, come on! You gotta catch the ball! You are pathetic! Ugh! Landry, take your hat off.
You looking forward to that Turkey your sister's cooking? Oh, yeah, but then again, I have a strong stomach.
Do you have a strong stomach? Oh, I get your shtick.
I don't have a shtick.
What's a shtick? Let me guess.
You have a pet fish named Morrissey.
You wear all black because you think it makes you look different, even though all your friends dress that way, too.
Morrissey is a hamster.
So you're saying I'm some kind of cliche? No, just going through a phase.
I'm sure my shrink would have a name for it.
You have a shrink? That's so cool.
I want one.
He was a birthday present when I turned 7.
I was a biter.
I bit people until I was 8.
Cool.
Go, go, go! Go! Go, go, go, go! Come on! Ohh! Come on! Ah! Brie? Oh, sure.
Hey, Dorrit, you wanna come hang out with us in the kitchen? I know you used to love to do that when mom was cooking.
Come on.
It'll be fun.
Doesn't sound fun.
Dorrit.
Besides, George and I are talking.
Now he has that breakaway speed.
Hey, George, can I borrow you for a second? Uh sure.
- Oh, my - He's he's blind! Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Sorry you're stuck with my sister.
Is she being a total bitch? No, not at all.
She's actually really cool.
You don't have to be polite.
No, really.
We're actually having fun.
Oh, God.
I mean, oh, good.
Carrie, I need you in the kitchen.
Now! I really, really need you.
I think you should go with your friend.
She seems really frazzled.
I guess I should.
I couldn't let my boyfriend distract me from making my perfect Thanksgiving meal.
Go on.
I'll be fine.
Okay.
Touchdown! Yeah! Yeah! This better be serious.
We have a dire situation in there.
Dorrit's torturing him? No, it's much worse.
She's bonding with him.
And that's bad? Why? This is Dorrit.
She'll play nice to suck him in, then tell him something hideous about me like the Disney world story.
The pants-peeing story? Not what I prefer to call it, but yes.
Well, we have bigger problems.
Bigger than George finding out I peed on both chip and Dale's laps? Yes, much bigger! Look at the Turkey! It's enormous! The oven door can't even close.
Why on earth would you buy such a big one? I didn't know they came in different sizes.
I thought they were all just Turkey-sized.
Well, the heat's not staying in because the door's ajar.
At this rate, the Turkey won't be done until Christmas.
Whoo! Yeah! What are we gonna do? Uhh! There.
Broil.
Now the Turkey will cook twice as fast, and we'll still be on track to eat at 5:30, That actually seems like it could work.
Great.
Problem solved.
Not so fast! What about the gravy, the sweet potatoes, and the 12 other things we have left to do?! Yeah! Ugh.
You're right.
Just give me a minute.
Now it's third down.
Where'd Dorrit go? Uh, upstairs.
Knowing her, that means we won't see her for the rest of the night.
Are you kidding me?! That was That was out of bounds.
You're kidding me! Absolutely or he's bought off by the the cow ugh.
Oh, uh, Carrie, any idea when the Turkey will be done? Your mother called me in for dinner right in the middle of the fourth quarter every year.
So please don't rush on my account.
Yeah.
I don't think that'll be a problem.
All right.
Now that Dorrit is taken care of, I'm ready to do Whatever this thing does.
Okay.
Here's to a better second quarter that leaves the cowboys and that smug tom Landry bastard on their asses, huh? Who's your team, George? And please don't say the cowboys.
Worse.
I'm a jets man.
I'll be back.
Gotta use the bathroom.
How can he not like the giants? I'm half-convinced he does it just to bug me.
That could be.
That could be.
When Carrie was 10 years old, she got so pissed off that I wouldn't let her Pierce her ears, she declared herself a cowboys fan.
Well, that Turkey smells good.
I don't think I've had a home-cooked meal since the Ford administration.
So I could get used to not having a wife.
Sorry.
That came out wrong.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I have some things to be thankful for, too.
Yeah? Carrie is in the kitchen cooking dinner.
Dorrit has not blown anything up yet.
This is These are good signs.
Right? Yes.
So I'm just gonna look on the bright side.
I get to Park myself here and watch some football.
Lucky me.
While my dad was feeling grateful The line of scrimmage is pushed back.
Someone else found out he didn't have much to be grateful for.
Going over.
This new England Your mother called.
She's very sorry, but she had to change her plans.
So she's bailing on me.
Let me guess.
She went off with the tennis instructor? Where are they? Aspen? Palm beach? Saint barts.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Sebastian.
Would you like to come eat at my house? No.
Thank you.
No, you go be with your family.
I'm just gonna watch the game, maybe order a pizza.
He breaks the tackle inside the fourth, grabbed from behind by clayborn And brought down all Clearing the table? My family must be worse than I thought.
Mm-hmm.
Be careful with those.
Whoa.
What's wrong? I think I'm just sick of you not being able to stand up to your parents.
Where did that come from? It was so pathetic, the way you just nodded and smiled about dartmouth.
Why can't you just say it? "No, dad.
I wanna go to N.
Y.
U.
And work in advertising.
" You're not saying you wanna be a serial killer.
What's the big deal? It is a big deal to my dad.
He has his own goals for me, and he doesn't care what I really want.
Why are you trying to pick a fight with me about this? I don't know.
At least they have goals for you.
No one in my life seems to be thinking about my future, including me.
That joke about following you to college.
Not a joke.
Oh.
Really? Yes, really.
How's that supposed to make me feel that you laughed at me? Mags, I laughed because it seems crazy that someone like you would ever do something like follow me.
Someone like me? Yeah.
You're so sure of yourself, and you're not afraid to be exactly who you are, unlike me, who just nods and says "yes" to his dad.
You really mean it? I want you to follow your own dream.
Yeah.
Maggie had never thought much about the future, but maybe she needed to.
It was an uncomfortable realization that being with Walt couldn't be her only goal.
Oh, wait.
We need to add a few more mini marshmallows.
There.
Looks just like my mom's.
Mission accomplished.
Sweet potatoes in the oven.
Check.
Right on schedule.
My perfect Thanksgiving is really gonna happen.
Still trying to pull off dinner? Must be some kind of masochist.
I did pull it off.
We're actually gonna have a Thanksgiving just like we had with mom.
What's her problem? I have no idea, but she's acting worse than usual today.
Did she just leave? Uh-oh.
Missing sister Not a perfect Thanksgiving.
She is not going to do this, not now, when everything's finally coming together.
I could imagine all kinds of scenarios for how Dorrit could ruin Thanksgiving.
But what I found was completely unexpected.
What the hell is wrong with you? You're smoking pot with dad right inside? So? So this is our family Thanksgiving, and all you're doing is trying to ruin everything.
You tried to embarrass me in front of George.
You won't help me in the kitchen.
It's like you wanna sabotage tonight.
You ruined those recipes and hid the cookbooks, didn't you? So what if I did? What is it this time, Dorrit? Don't feel like you're getting enough attention? Well, you're about to get more than you bargained for.
I'm telling dad.
Go ahead.
I don't care.
I'm not the one desperate for attention, wearing mom's apron and trying to pretend to be her, like you can just take her place.
I'm not trying to pretend anything, Dorrit.
I'm trying to honor mom's memory by making things feel the same.
But they're not, and you can't make them that way.
So why even try? I finally realized why Dorrit was so fixated on her goal of ruining the day.
It had nothing to do with torturing me.
Having Thanksgiving without my mom was torture for her.
Dorrit, open the door.
I'm not leaving until you let me in.
Then you're gonna die out there.
I smell pot.
No doy.
That's 'cause I'm smoking it.
Now leave me alone.
Dorrit, come on.
Right there, hit at the line of scrimmage What was that? And I-I think you gotta wonder what was in the thinking there.
No, no, you're kidding me.
Well, I gotta tell you Hey, little sis, you're back early.
Ran out of gin? Yeah, I wish.
Brian, can I ask you something? Did you always know you wanted to be a cop? No.
I wanted to be the lead singer of bachman Turner overdrive, but seemed like a long shot.
Dad's a cop.
The money's good.
It's stable.
Why? You never thought about going to college? Who do you think we are, the Rockefellers? Joey got to go to college.
Joey's the smart one.
Yeah, golden boy.
Its' so gross, how dad's proud of him for being a yuppie.
So is there any money for me to go to college? No.
Oh.
But maybe you could get a scholarship.
What are you worried about, anyway? You're a girl.
You can just marry Walt.
Right.
Maggie had never even thought of college as a concrete goal, but finding out that goal was impossible still came as a shock.
And we're looking to go into the locker rooms At halftime, with the cowboys leading the patriots Hello? Oh.
Hey, Donna.
No, my mom's not, uh, here right now.
No, it's cool.
Yeah, I could probably come by.
Yep.
Later.
Dorrit, come on.
Please? Bite me, dweeb-azoid.
Carrie.
I've been looking everywhere for you.
Is everything all right? I heard yelling and Is that pot? Pot? Yelling? No, no.
Um that's just the oregano In the stuffing.
And the, uh, yelling's from Dorrit's music.
She's into some really loud punk.
But, no, not to worry.
Everything's fine here.
I hate this family! Let's head downstairs.
So you and your sister weren't fighting? No.
No, of course not.
Why would you think such a thing? Well, holidays bring out the worst in my family.
Somebody always explodes.
Well, everyone here gets along just fine.
That's right.
Me, dad, Dorrit We're all just one big, happy normal family.
Move along, folks.
Nothing to see.
No explosions here.
You and you Sorry, mouse.
Your dad just asked me for ice and referred to me as the "oriental maid"" yeah, that sounds like Harlan.
And you Oh, no.
Now what went wrong? What didn't? Burning.
That's not supposed to be happening.
What do we do? Why is there smoke? What's going on? I don't know.
Won't open.
What did you do? What did you do?! What did I do? Everything, that's what.
Oriental maid begs to differ.
Someone needs to care enough about this family to keep us going.
Someone needs to make the Turkey and the sweet potatoes, and get it all done at just the right time so you can watch your stupid football game.
I'm gonna lose it.
I think you kinda are.
You don't even have a clue what's going on in your own family.
I mean, Dorrit was up there, and Ugh.
Dorrit and I are trying to deal with mom not being here today, and you didn't even notice, and Now smoke is pouring out, and my Turkey is ruined, all because I just wanted everyone to have a perfect Thanksgiving.
Obviously, that's a joke, because I'm not mom.
I'm your daughter, and you're supposed to be taking care of me.
Now this feels like Thanksgiving.
The last thing I'd planned for on Thanksgiving was blowing up at my dad or blowing up a Turkey.
But you know what they say about the best-laid plans What a disaster.
They tend to go awry.
Let's look on the bright side.
And what would that be, mouse? Humiliating myself in front of my boyfriend, not having any food to eat, or not having any power until tomorrow because all the fuses are blown? Take your pick.
Well we still have ambrosia salad, and the firemen said there's no major damage, and George has been "looking for candle"" for 20 minutes.
He's probably avoiding me until he can run screaming back to the city and never see me again.
I can think of a bright side.
Since the Turkey exploded, no one had to taste how bad it would have been.
Just a joke.
And thanks.
For not telling dad About the pot.
I'm gonna go help George find those candles.
Sweetie, I wasn't trying to replace mom.
I wanted us to have a great day because that's what she would have wanted.
She loved Thanksgiving so much.
You don't even know how much Thanksgiving stressed her out, do you? What are you talking about? It was her favorite holiday.
Please.
She hated doing all that work while dad sat around watching football.
She played her music loud so she could scream at him without the entire family hearing her.
When I heard you from upstairs, wigging out at the oven, for a second, I swore it was her.
Freaked me out.
Wow, Dorrit.
But then it was kinda nice to remember her.
I wanted to forget the whole day.
That's why I hid the recipes and got stoned.
It felt wrong to even try if she can't be here.
To me it felt wrong not to try.
Next year, I'll pull out the giblets.
I always did that for mom.
I liked it.
You're sick, and next year? Are you kidding me? I'm never cooking again.
When I'm an adult, I'm gonna use my oven for storage or something.
Probably a good idea.
Sometimes darkness is comforting.
In the darkness, we can hide from what we don't want to accept.
But sooner or later, we have to face the light.
Jeez, what the hell are you doing sitting here in the dark? Look out.
Drunk man, open flame.
What was I thinking? That that I could just watch the game and let my teenage daughter do all the work? I'm the one that should have been worrying about how to make Thanksgiving perfect, not Carrie.
I'm the one that's responsible for keeping this family going.
Only me.
Only me.
But what if I can't do it? And what if I can't keep us together? Patriots.
Maybe you should head back into the city.
Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
I'll let my driver know.
You're home early.
What happened? Did the W.
A.
S.
P.
S find out that you're catholic? I'm really not in the mood.
Relax.
It was a joke.
So what happened? You are the last person I wanna talk to about it.
Well I do care about you, Maggie.
Thanks.
If you mean it.
Oh.
Of course I do.
You know what? There is one thing I wanna know, though.
Did any of the stuffed shirts notice that you're not wearing any underwear under that prim little dress? Who says I'm not wearing any underwear? There is only one way to find out.
Wait.
What's the problem? This is my problem.
I keep doing things without thinking how they're gonna affect my future or my boyfriend.
Maybe it's better if you stop thinking.
I I think you should get out.
Maybe Maggie didn't have any long-term goals.
But her immediate goal was to respect herself.
Well, everything is as it should be.
My dad's passed out in the back of the town car.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Sorry I freaked out and added to your list of terrible thanksgivings.
Oh, Carrie, it's fine.
You weren't avoiding me? You seem weirdly eager to run off and look for candles in a house you barely know.
I was just trying to give you space.
That's what my shrink says to do when people get upset.
I was not avoiding you.
Even though I yelled and broke the oven and almost burned the house down? Carrie, on the silver scale of insane holidays, this is nothing.
Last year my family got banned from le cirque after kick threw a Turkey leg at my dad.
She hit Liza Minnelli instead.
That's pretty bad.
I feel like such a failure.
I tried so hard for this perfect family holiday that no one even wanted.
Well, my family stopped trying a long time ago, and now we're not even a family anymore.
So I didn't completely blow my air of mystery for you? Mystery's overrated.
Call you tomorrow.
Hey.
I saw the boyfriend.
He's cute.
You got room for one more in here? Come on in.
How was Walt's? The food inedible.
The mood repressed.
How was here? Mm, definitely not repressed.
What's with the no lights? Long story.
For a little while little while ah, Mrs.
brewer's kindergarten class, circa 1973.
I remember making one.
I can't believe you still have this.
Yeah.
My mom saved everything.
Just when I thought this Thanksgiving couldn't possibly hold any more surprises There he was The last person I expected to see, the one thing I never could have planned for.
falling in love I thought you were gonna be with your mom.
Yeah, I thought so, too.
Saint barts with Lucas was an offer she couldn't refuse.
I'm sorry.
That sucks.
Oh, it's no big deal.
No, it does suck.
I know it's cheesy, but I always really liked Thanksgiving.
We used to go to my cousin's house in Jersey, play touch football, eat too much.
I always liked Thanksgiving with my cousins, too.
Is it crazy that I sometimes think the money ruined everything? My mom stopped talking to our brother, so I never see that side of the family anymore.
She got her new boobs and nose, and it seems like a whole new brain.
It's like she doesn't care about things like Thanksgiving anymore.
But you do.
And that's great That you still care.
I was driving around, just thinking And I realized you were the person I really wanted to see.
I knew I could talk to you, and you'd get it.
Do you ever wish you could go back and change things? Choices that you made.
Choices that maybe were mistakes? Sometimes.
Yeah? Of course there was a part of me that did wish I could go back and change things, but that's not how life works.
But you can't go back.
Choices get made, and things happen because of them.
Yeah, well I guess I should go.
You wanna come in? You can stay and eat.
We have ambrosia salad.
I like ambrosia salad.
You sure it wouldn't be weird? I don't think so.
Yeah.
Maybe I should just go.
Wait.
Just give me a minute.
Um I hope it's okay, but his family isn't here.
It's okay.
Go on in.
We got brie.
Uh for you, sir.
A bottle of scotch.
Thank you.
It's exactly what I didn't need.
Dad, before you say anything, I didn't plan for him to come over.
But his mom left him all alone, and he doesn't have anywhere else to go.
Well, no one should be alone on Thanksgiving.
And if you say you want to invite him in, I trust that you have a good reason.
You do? You're a great kid, who hasn't had much of a chance to be a kid at all lately because you've been trying so hard to take care of this family.
I don't want Thanksgiving to be stressful for you in the way that it was for your mom.
Why does everyone know that mom hated Thanksgiving but me? All this time, I thought she loved it.
She did love it.
I mean, yeah, it made her crazy, but sometimes the things that we love the most make us the craziest because we love them.
Well, cooking made me crazy, but definitely not because I love it.
Huh.
Go on inside.
I am officially taking over food preparation.
I hope you are in the mood for my frito bean dip.
Sounds like a great new Thanksgiving tradition.
I feel my heart start to trembling Ending the day with Sebastian was never a part of my plan.
Neither was eating fritos and bean dip for dinner.
But that night, they tasted better than Turkey.
mellow as the month of may oh, darling here it is.
The famous Bradshaw bean dip.
That's the thing about goals.
When we focus too much on our endgame, we can miss the fun of the journey we can miss the detour that would take us somewhere even more rewarding.
Oh.
Thanks, honey.
Touchdown new England! Yes! Yeah! You a patriots fan? I just hate the cowboys.
Me, too.
We like to set goals because they give us a feeling of control.
But control is an illusion, because sometimes the earth moves, and we have to deal with wherever we end up, whether it's on solid ground or not.
ground Hey! Who threw out my rainbow gloves?