The Creep Tapes (2024) s01e06 Episode Script

I love movies so much,
but some movies are
more than movies.
You know,
they become a part of you.
And for me,
that's "Forrest Gump."
I mean, I think
if I could be anybody,
I'd want to be Forrest.
I just love the guy.
He's pure.
He's funny.
He's thoughtful.
He's historically important.
[thud]
And, I mean, his relationship
with his mother,
that scene at her bedside
when he's like,
"Mama, what's my destiny?"
[thud]
- [groaning]
And she says, "Forrest,
you got to find that out
for yourself."
It [thud]
It just kills me, you know.
[coughing]
[groaning]
Excuse me.
[sighs]
[groaning]
[flesh squelching]
[muffled screaming]
[grunting]
[sighs]
Sorry about that.
What was I saying?
[eerie music]
♪
[footsteps crunching lightly]
Oh, hello.
[whistling]
[rustling]
[thud]
[both screaming]
Gotcha.
[laughs]
You got to see your face.
Give me that.
Give me that.
Mom!
Wolfie.
- Stop.
Oh.
- Cut it out!
Get inside.
Open sesame.
[imitates rumbling]
Mayday! Mayday!
Pilot to tower, we have
an emergency landing
It's not an airplane, Mom.
- Coming in.
No, there's not an airplane.
No, there's not.
What is up with you?
Why are you so grumpy?
- I'm not grumpy.
I don't like you filming me.
Give me my camera.
I have been filming you since
you were pooping your pants.
This is not your camera.
It is my camera.
It is basically my camera
at this point.
I lent it to you.
What is the matter with you now?
Why are you so grumpy?
I am not grumpy, Mom.
I can become grumpy
if you would like
to keep calling me grumpy.
[sighs] Well,
did have a surprise for you.
No, no, we're not doing that.
No.
What?
I I may have to take it back.
What?
No peeking.
Not peeking.
Stop there.
Surprise.
Oh, Mom, this is nice.
- [chuckles]
This is my stuff.
Oh, my posters.
Hit play.
[Albert Natural's
"Sara Loves Her Juicy Fruit"]
[sighs]
I love this song.
I love
oh.
Oh, Mom!
Wolfie?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, he smells so good.
Hey, Mom,
what happened to Wolfie?
What happened?
Don't you remember?
When you were about six,
you had a really bad dream
one night.
And when you woke up, you had
torn his little head off,
and I put it back on for you.
Why didn't you
sew it all the way?
So you would remember
what you did.
♪
Sara looked down
I was beckoned by a smile
She grabbed me by the wrist
Hey, whose
whose bed is this?
It's a rented house.
This this is
this is not my special bed.
It came furnished.
Where are my trophies?
Where what is whose
hatboxes whose room is this?
Whose room is this?
Now you need
to just calm down.
We're going to deescalate
a little bit.
No!
No!
[thud]
[sighs]
♪
I think we have a hungry
baby wolf on our hands.
I'm not hungry.
This is your mama,
and I know what you like.
Sara loves
her Juicy Fruit ♪
Wait, did you make
a special trip to the store?
Silence of the lamb chops.
She struts
while she chews ♪
Nothing there
to slow her down ♪
[laughs]
[laughs]
- So good.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, I was a little hungry.
You think?
[chuckles]
Okay, so what's up with Wolfie?
Well, don't be mad.
I might have watched
"Forrest Gump" again.
Oh, honey, that is not
a healthy film for you.
I know, I know.
I just love it so much.
And I love Forrest.
He just he's such a great guy.
He makes friends
everywhere he goes.
And I just can't do that.
You know,
I try to make connections.
They end badly.
I kind of feel like a failure.
That's a natural feeling.
All you need is a good,
old-fashioned Mama Bear
and Wolfie jammy night.
Just the two of us?
Just like the good old days.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
This is going to be
a good night.
Yes.
Yes.
Let's get our jammies on.
Watch a trashy film.
[door shuts]
- Hey, hon.
There's a strange looking
car in the
Oh, oh, hey.
[chuckles]
I didn't
Wolfie, this is
my friend Albert.
Albert, this is
my favorite son, Wolfie.
Ah, hey, man.
It's good to meet you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
[both laugh]
Man, I've I've heard
a lot about you, man.
Yeah.
- Wolfie?
Honey?
Wolfie?
[door bangs shut]
Did I
- [sighs]
Wolfie?
Oh, God.
[sighs]
This is not how
we get attention.
[branches cracking]
Hello?
You get out of there.
This is not funny.
Get out of there and come inside
and be nice to my friend.
Wolfie?
7Wolfie?
[both screaming]
Gotcha.
There he is, Alberto.
[chuckles] Hey.
Looking good, man.
- Thanks. You too, man.
Oh, thanks.
Oh, hi, Mom.
Go and put on a shirt.
Why?
Because people are
going to be trying to eat.
Bother you if I have
dinner shirtless, Albert?
Oh, it's all good.
Come on.
- Albert doesn't mind.
So, Albert, tell me,
what do you do for a living?
Oh, I'm a jack of all trades
kind of guy, you know.
Pretty simple.
Yeah. Yeah.
Make good money doing that?
- Yeah, I do all right.
Yeah?
What what do you
what do you make in a day,
just out of curiosity?
Oh, I don't think much
about that, you know.
But, hey, what do you do?
I'm a filmmaker, Albert.
Really?
- Yeah.
Oh, man.
You know
[chuckles]
I always wanted to try
my hand at you know, but
Really?
- Yeah.
Mom, Albert wants
to be a filmmaker.
[chuckles]
It's interesting
because I am often
looking for collaborators.
Pretty high turnover rate
in my profession,
and I pay
a pretty good rate, Albert.
I actually pay $1,000 a day
for someone to come film me.
Ooh.
- Yeah.
I don't know if you're
interested in trying it,
but I could I could teach you.
It's not rocket science.
I mean,
I can give you the camera.
I can show you
how to do it tonight.
No, no, no, no.
Bad idea.
[laughs]
You guys are cute together.
Look at you guys,
little lovebirds.
Little lovebirds.
How did you guys meet?
What's the story?
I want the meet cute.
Give it to me.
- Uh, the classic tale.
You know,
she saw an advert I had
posted up in the bulletin board
down in the town, you know.
And she had a plumbing issue,
and I took care of it.
And one thing led to another,
and here we are.
Yeah.
Great.
Yeah.
What thing was that, Albert?
I'm sorry?
Wolfie.
What?
I'm just curious.
Albert said
one thing led to another.
I'm just curious
what the thing was.
Um
You guys are being
super awkward right now.
I'm just trying
to be included here
and figure out where you guys
are at in this relationship.
Okay.
I mean, what are we doing?
Are we holding hands?
Are we kissing?
Are we in second base,
third base mode?
Are we wait a minute.
Are we fornicating?
Are we sleeping
in the same room?
No, we're not.
Not fornicating, huh?
We're not sleeping
in the same room.
I have sleep apnea.
I sleep in the guest room
downstairs.
Well, isn't that interesting.
So Albert sleeps in my room
in my special bed?
Oh, so now
it's your special bed?
Yes, it is
my special bed, Mother.
Yes, it is my special bed.
And since it's my bed,
I would like to know
what happens in my special bed.
Wolfie.
- Oh, don't you Wolfie me.
We tell each other
everything, right?
No secrets, Mom.
No matter what.
Go ahead.
What what happens
in my special bed?
[silverware clatters]
Everything happens
in your special bed.
You remember when we watched
"91/2 Weeks" together?
Yes.
I'm living "91/2 Weeks"
52 weeks out of the year.
Well, I think
that is wonderful.
And I am very happy for you two.
So don't ask me anything
about what he does
to my breasts.
[laughter]
Wow.
Wow.
What?
You just crossed the line,
and you know it.
Those breasts are sacred to me,
and you're going to
whip them out at the table
and wield them as weapons
of war against me?
You're just going to give them
away to the first plumber
that comes along?
No offense, Albert.
You seem like a really nice guy.
But you breastfed me
for six years.
You made me addicted to them.
Wow, Mom!
Wow!
What are you even,
like, talking about?
I never breastfed you.
Oh, don't don't start.
I never did.
You were too aggressive.
Shut up!
Shut up!
Oh, you were, like,
biting and tugging.
You made me bleed, okay?
I couldn't breastfeed you.
I wanted to,
but I couldn't, okay?
I'm sorry.
You know, I noticed
that you have a rear
right rear axle
that's sitting kind of low.
You got a jack?
I can probably fix that for you.
Let's do it, Albert.
Excellent.
Let's do it.
Know what's funny, Albert?
What's that?
Albert Natural is
my favorite band.
And here you are,
my new favorite friend,
and your name is Albert.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Wait, what are you doing?
I'm getting the jack out.
The jack's in the trunk?
Uh, yeah,
it's generally in the trunk.
Huh.
Okay.
[keys jingling]
Okay, now, you're probably
thinking one of three things
right now, Albert.
The first one,
you'd like to be true.
But, I mean, let's face it.
We both know
we're awake right now.
It's not a dream, okay?
The second thing,
you'd really like to be true,
but even the most
elaborate of pranks,
they're not this elaborate.
And the third thing
is exactly what it is.
But I don't want you
to be worried.
It's going to be okay.
This isn't the first time
it's happened.
It won't be the last.
Okay?
You may have found out
about this a little early
in our relationship
than I anticipated,
but it's not a bad thing,
because if your relationship
with my mother is headed
where I think it's headed,
you're going to be
my new dad, Albert.
And this is going
to be something
you're going to need to know
Albert, Albert, stay with me.
Hey, hey, right here.
This is one
very important thing, okay?
Very important.
Mama Bear cannot
know about this.
She is too sensitive.
Boys.
What what is going on out here?
Nothing.
What's taking so long?
The dessert is ready.
It's getting cold.
Albert, you want to come in
for some cobbler?
Huh?
Cobbler.
Come on in soon.
Yeah, we'll be right in.
Okay.
Love you, Mom.
Hey, hon.
Hey, hon, I
I need to talk to you.
What is wrong, Albert?
I I think there's
a problem with your son.
He's a very complicated boy.
No, no, no.
I mean I mean, a real problem.
Well, you know, in fact,
he does have a a tendency
to be just a teensy little bit
conflicted about new men
in my life,
which is why I didn't tell him
about you up front.
But I think
he's now mature enough
to not get confrontational.
No, no.
You're you're not hearing me.
I I think
your son might have
killed someone.
[laughs] What?
I opened the trunk
to his car and
[thud]
[exclaims]
Wolfie!
What did you do?
I liked him.
I liked him too.
Then why did you do that?
It's complicated.
It is very, very naughty
and messy.
This is on you.
You're digging this one
all by yourself.
That's right, mister.
Fine. I'll dig the hole.
I don't care.
What does this
remind you of, Mom?
It's like Forrest and Bubba.
"I gotta find Bubba."
[chain clanking]
Maybe a little
help here, please?
Nope.
Thank you.
[clanking]
Chop, chop.
When did you dig this?
Remember when I said I went
to the bathroom earlier?
I didn't go to the bathroom.
My naughty, naughty boy.
You know
[laughs]
Look, in fairness,
I didn't know jacks are kept
in the trunk.
Like, you did all the car stuff.
I didn't you didn't
teach me any of that.
And he was the one
who kept insisting
to get in there in the first place. I wasn't
even planning on doing it this early.
Yeah, but you didn't
have to give him the keys.
You did not have to do that.
You know what?
You're right.
Thank you for that.
I'm sorry.
I just I struggle
with the new men.
I always have.
Don't walk away.
Where are you going?
It's time to say goodbye
to my Albert.
L'amour, l'amour.
Do you remember when I was 10,
and you were trying to get me
into that good school,
and they didn't think
I was good enough?
And you invited
that principal over.
And you served him
lamb chops and red wine.
And you told me to go outside
and play in the woods
until you came and got me.
I was naughty that night, Mama.
I stayed on the porch.
And I listened.
I heard what you did
with that man.
I heard his deep,
orgasmic grunting.
[grunting]
I was just a poor Southern boy,
braces on my legs
and a substandard IQ.
Wolfie!
- What what?
You're doing it again.
Doing what?
- You're misremembering.
That's a scene
from "Forrest Gump."
No, it's not.
[scoffs]
Oh, right.
Could it be both, though?
Could it be
"Forrest Gump" and us?
[sighs] Oh, honey.
I'm sorry I never told you
about the breastfeeding.
Okay?
I knew how you felt
about my girls.
I didn't want to break
your little heart.
You think it's too late
for us, Mom?
I don't know.
We're pretty different
kind of people.
We're never going to have
a normal life.
No, not that. I mean
[breathes deeply]
Do you think
it's too late for us?
[breathing heavily]
[humming]
[both humming]
[sinister music]
♪