The Durrells (2016) s01e06 Episode Script

1 I have something to say.
- If it's about the lavatory seat again - No, it's not.
It's very much not.
- Sven has proposed.
- Say no.
And I have said yes.
I adored your father, but I haven't had a gentleman in my life for eight years.
And Sven is resourceful and he's handsome and I love him.
- This is so exciting.
- Thank you, darling.
- Morning, everyone.
- Morning, Nancy.
- Nance.
- Nancy.
- Missed you.
- Oh, missed you, too.
Anyway, can we talk about me because I have just told you I'm getting married.
We will need to interview him.
Who is getting married, you or me? I'm sure you'll want to run your eyes over our potential spouses.
Fine.
Why you have them, all of these animals? The same reason you have a family.
My mother make me.
Well, normally, it's to enjoy their company.
But you're right, Lugaretzia, I should invite people to come and enjoy them, too.
I might need some more.
Work is so boring.
I'm stuck indoors, and she's drawn the shutters now.
It's like I'm working down a mine.
A mine filled with Louis Quinze furniture.
If she didn't have this annoying depression thing, we'd go travelling and shopping, and I'd chat to Angel.
Can't Dr Petridis help? Oh, I'll get through it.
No, help the Countess? No.
She blames it on the shock of her husband dying.
Her world's been smaller ever since.
At this rate, she'll end up in a wardrobe.
You know, truly, money can't buy you happiness, can it? But it can buy you some lovely haute couture to be unhappy in.
It's just as well, we don't have any money, really, and neither does Sven.
Are you still wanting to get married? Since this morning? Erm yes, I think so.
Well, we'll see.
We'd like your answers down on paper, please.
Sorry, my lawyers advised me not to put anything in writing.
Can I just say, I don't care who my mother marries, I'm enjoying this.
Come on, why do you want to marry Mrs Durrell? - Because I love her.
- Well, that's easy to say.
- Yes, it is.
- Damn, he's good.
Money isn't everything, of course, but is it true you don't have any? I have some land, I am rich in strength and in spirit.
- May I have one of your goats? - No.
Voltaire said that God created sex and priests created marriage.
- Thoughts? - None.
I come home late with a handsome boy, wanting to get to know each other better.
Much better.
What do you do? I'll have to hurry you.
I ask your mother.
Hello, Sven.
So you're getting the full Durrells assault? Yes.
Sorry, but would you leave, please? You're not one of us.
Are you thinking of having children with our mother? Because that would be a bad idea.
I think the joke is over now, don't you? - May I borrow a goat? - I will discuss it with them.
Thank you.
I feel like an intruder in this house.
- Why? - Your family are fine individually.
- Well, not really.
- But together, it's like living with bees, buzzing in my face, little stings the whole time.
And it's really crowded.
Just do what I do, shout at them.
- I can't, they're not my family.
- You really can.
We'll do it together.
Let's find a place of our own.
- Oh.
- We're 22, Larry.
Of course.
Sure.
I'd love that.
You're worried about what your mother will say, aren't you? - Yes, I am.
- Hm.
Where are the other two judges? Larry and Nancy are canoodling.
And Gerry's opening the Durrell Zoo.
Oh.
So, may I marry Sven? Well, we like him.
He's lovely, isn't he? Well, we we're worried he's a bit too young and handsome.
- Are we? - Are we? Look, if you marry an old chap and it goes wrong, he won't be alive that long.
Do bear that in mind.
Hm.
You don't have to do this, Mrs Durrells.
- I know.
- Tell him your mind was disturbed when you said yes.
- What have you got against Sven? - Nothing.
Except he's not Greek and he's not British.
Well, a lot of people aren't, Spiros.
If you must marry again, have my friend Labros.
You will never run out of bread.
- Is he a baker? - No, he just likes bread.
Shall we go? - Where are we going? - Sven's house.
No! Well done for passing your audition.
They are good company.
I'm lending Gerry a goat and I am working on Leslie.
So, when do you want to get married? There's no rush.
- Let's do it soon.
- Oh.
What do you mean by soon? A week, two.
Well shouldn't we get to know each other better first? No.
It's romantic, fun.
You're revealing hidden shallows, Sven.
I like it.
Also, I don't believe in .
.
you know, before marriage.
Oh.
Well, we'd better get married quickly, then.
I've been living for my family for so long.
It's time I started living for myself.
And for you.
So, in two weeks a wedding.
I do hope Alecko isn't grumpy.
Yes, we must discourage touching the exhibits.
In Athens Zoo, I saw a tapir bite off a visitor's finger.
- How horrible.
- And wasteful, as they are herbivores.
Margo, are you discovering an interest in the animal kingdom? No.
Theo, you know everything, why won't my Countess leave her villa? This is, of course, agoraphobia, from the Greek -- agorafovia, hooray! Fear of the marketplaces.
That's so odd.
I love shopping.
The fear is of the open space, rather than the market.
Oh.
So how can I cure her? It can stem from feeling out of control, so reassurance and relaxation may help.
Good.
Thank you.
- But the brain is a complex organ, which - She's gone.
I don't think Durrell brains are that complex.
Sven and I have decided to get married in two weeks.
Why? Are you pregnant? No! We just want to do it soon because, well, it's romantic and fun.
No, you can't, we still have our doubts.
That's not long enough to find a dress.
Oh, I've been married once, Margo, I'll just find something suitable and stick a carnation on it.
You were talking about your dress, weren't you? No.
Not entirely.
- Congratulations, Mrs Durrell.
- Well, thank you, Nancy.
Why wait? Strike while the iron's hot.
There's no time like the present.
What is this, platitudes day? So, why are you and Nancy rowing? - I'm glad you brought that up.
- Oh, dear.
Nancy feels, and, well, I agree with her, but less so - Oh, bloody hell, Larry.
- OK, we .
.
by which I mean Nancy, but a proportion of me .
.
want to find our own place to live.
No, you don't.
- Well - We have fun here, don't we, the five of us? Six.
The six of us, we we have fun, when we're not arguing.
- Was this Nancy's idea? - Everything's changing, anyway, - with you marrying Sven.
- But the important things, th-th-the being together, that's not changing.
And you can't afford to move out, Larry, you're broke.
So are you.
I I can write for money.
I'm sad, too.
Erm just in case this helps at all, we think it's fine if Larry leaves.
- We do.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
Morning, Nancy.
- Hello, Mrs Durrell.
- I brought you some tea.
- Nice cup of rosie.
- Thank you.
So, er I hear you and Larry are thinking about - finding a place of your own? - Yes.
- Now, it's not because -- - Look, I completely understand.
My concerns are broader.
Oh? I suppose I'm thinking, does Nancy, a bright young thing, really want to bury herself away on a -- let's face it, a primitive Mediterranean island? Well, you have.
Larry likes it here.
Yes, and he writes really well on Corfu.
So why are you suggesting I take him away? No, I was just talking about you.
Oh.
See, you're very young to settle down.
And this is going to sound horrid, but I don't believe Larry's got other women out of his system.
Mr Zookeeper! - Have a goat.
- Thanks, Sven.
And .
.
a tortoise I found on the way.
Slow start, huh? Yes, but I cycled round telling people so I'm sure they're on their way.
- Is your mummy here? - No, she's gone into town.
You're not coming back to work for me, are you? No, thanks.
I banged my toe on your cretinous shovel.
Look, by the way, I had some of your ouzo.
- It was medicinal.
- I noticed.
And congratulations on the emergency wedding thing.
What's the hurry? Why wait? You can make whoopee outside marriage, you know.
If I'm going to make love to a woman, I want it to be official.
You've never made love to a woman? Of course I have.
What else would I be doing? No, you've got me there.
No.
What is homosexuality? Where have you been all your life? - Outside, mainly, shooting.
- Is it sex in a home? - No.
- I give up, then.
- I think I might know.
- Of course you do.
Isn't it when two males try to mate? Oh, yes, I do know what that is.
It's illegal, and rightly so, we shouldn't even be talking about it.
- How long has it been going on? - For ever.
The ancient Greeks couldn't get enough of it.
Wait, how can Sven be homosexual if he's marrying Mother? Because he's been hiding it.
But I may be mistaken.
Should I tell Mother? What's up with you, Larry? You're normally so sure of yourself.
Well, life's a bit fraught at the moment.
- Nancy isn't talking to me.
- Well, that's a good thing, isn't it? Oh, there's a postcard for you from Max.
Oh, thank you, Demetrios.
Dennis.
Look at those.
Heart stopping.
My mother's getting married in a week.
So quick.
Is she pregnant? No.
- We'd love it if you'd come.
- You know I never leave the villa.
A pity, really, cos I do love a wedding.
And it will be hopeless because none of us have a clue about style.
Hmm.
- I may be able to help.
- Would you? The reception's at home.
Come to our house and get some ideas.
Come on, everyone, let's organise this wedding! I think we should serve those little sausages.
- Everybody loves those, don't they? - That's your big plan, is it? Well, Sven is Greek Orthodox -- though he likes the confession part, he says, and the hats.
So it's all planned.
- Look if this wedding does go ahead, I -- - Darling, this wedding is going ahead, and I would really like it if you could arrange it for me, please.
OK, well, let's form a guard of honour and fire a shot for every year of your life.
Er Larry, any ideas? - Better ones? - No.
Lugaretzia, the kitchen is all yours tomorrow, Sven and I are having a celebratory supper at his house.
- I make wedding cake.
- Oh, with white icing? No.
Brown, with prunes.
Family recipe.
Gerry! I bring you enthusiastic visitors to your zoo.
Please come this way.
Do ask questions.
Spiros, please can I book your car - for three o'clock tomorrow at the villa? - Of course.
- Shopping? - No.
I'm curing someone.
- Oh.
These mantis have only one ear, here on their abdomen.
The common tortoise -- common, but anything but boring.
Drive slowly, and keep the conversation relaxing and frothy.
My friend, the butler.
How's the butling? I have my good days and my bad days.
Well, this is all very nice.
Stop the car! Come on, Countess, this is ridiculous.
Let's go home.
How are the preparations going? Well, I've made this very snazzy clipboard.
Oh.
Be nice to Nancy and don't set the oven on fire.
- Leave, mother, we'll be fine.
- It's just been such a long time - since I've left you on your own for the evening.
- Exactly.
It's high time.
- Have fun at Sven's.
- I won't be late.
Shouldn't you be back in the morning? - No, why? - See if you get on, as it were.
Check everything works.
What are you talking about? This is Samson.
He doesn't bite.
He's harmless.
Do you want to stroke him? Ay! It bit me! Ah, now, technically, scorpions don't bite, they sting.
Scorpion?! So what happens now, then, do I die, or what? Well, in fact, though painful, stings are harmless, - unless you're very unlucky.
- I am very unlucky! Look at my life! Leslie, please stop shouting, I'm trying to work.
- I've just been bitten by a scorpion! - He means stung.
Anyway, er Coming round to the accordion? Erm a tiny bit.
Good.
Cos I'm playing at our wedding.
Is that supposed to be there? Must be a hole in the fence.
Always one who escapes.
Isn't there just.
Never mind, I have another one.
My accordions are like my children.
So I won't be needing them much longer.
I'll have your children to entertain me.
I er I feel a bit odd, Sven, do you mind if I wander home? Oh.
Something I said? Cooked? No, no, it's er it's just been a bit stressful, you know, the wedding in a day or two.
- I'll walk you home.
- No.
No, the the air will do me good.
It's been lovely.
Of course I'm panicking! - My hand looks like I've boiled it for an hour.
- It hardly shows.
- But don't let Mother see it, she'll be upset.
- Argh! Leslie, relax, you have nothing to worry about, unless you are very unlucky.
Very unlucky? Yes, well, take a look at that, Professor Insect.
In fact, technically, scorpions are arachnids, rather than insects.
- Yes, there seems to be an allergic reaction.
- Oh! I suspect it will be fine in the morning.
Scorpions don't like being caged, they lash out.
Am I doing a bad thing, Theo, keeping scorpions, keeping anything? Well, you want to understand and experience them more.
That's what conservation is.
Oh, hello.
Anything happen here? How was Sven? He was Erm I don't know.
- And? - Not a great success, really.
Why? Larry, you move in artistic circles.
Do you think Sven might be queer? Ah.
- You got there, too.
- I found the photographs.
Most humans are attracted to their own gender to some degree.
Well yes, but well, he looked really attracted.
It's a scandal that homosexuality is outlawed.
What are they scared of? That we'll all ditch our wives, and Sorry.
What am I going to do? And what am I going to do? Ah, well done, Lugaretzia, bravo.
Kali douleia.
Douleia, agapi mou.
Douleia.
Gerry? That zoo needs to be made safe before the reception.
Right, you lovebirds, we've got a wedding to prepare, let's not dawdle! Nancy, put your crayons away! Larry, please, I can't stand this.
- This is family life.
- And you've always been the first to question it, to argue for personal freedom over mindless allegiance.
And now you're acting like -- They're my family and I love them! By which I mean, I understand them and when they suffer, I suffer, however ludicrous their problems.
And I can't believe I'm saying this.
But I have my own life.
And I can't believe that I'm saying this, but it's back in England and I want to go home.
With you, please.
What happened to staying here? There's a shack next door.
No, we need to get away, sweetheart, so we can explore our own life together.
- Thank you, Theo.
- What for? Helping me.
People were interested.
It was so exciting.
I know.
It's a shame about Leslie.
He really is unlucky, isn't he? Always.
Is he going to be all right? I hope so.
Dr Petridis is away again.
I've been thinking.
Leslie's mishap, perhaps it's a sign.
I mean, we don't need to keep them to love them.
I know.
Is it time to set them all free? We could do it at the wedding party tomorrow, as a symbol of something.
All right.
What have you been doing all day? In 12 hours, you're due to be Mrs Louisa What is Sven's surname? Lundblad.
Then you really shouldn't marry him.
I have to, Lugaretzia's made a wedding cake.
Yes, I don't think there's a spare prune left on the island.
- And Leslie's been running a tight ship with the preparations.
- Yes.
I took his clipboard away and he made another one.
You know what you have to do.
Talk to Sven.
I was hoping if I didn't, the problem would go away.
Has being an ostrich been a success for you in the past? No.
Let's talk about you.
Much as I love me, and talking about me, let's do that another time.
Can I come in? Sure.
I shouldn't've done it, but erm I looked through your photos.
Of you with men.
It's true, I've been photo'd with men.
Not just photographed, Sven, you were .
.
you were kissing your friend.
Where are the women? What, you want me to have had sex with lots of women? Right now, yes, I'd love that.
- This is absurd.
- Believe me, I wouldn't care if you were homosexual if we weren't getting married today.
I had a lovely first marriage, but being married is hard, Sven, and it cannot be based on a big, fat lie.
Well, clearly I used to like men, that way.
But it was a while ago.
Have you ever slept with a woman? It was close once but, you know, I think I'll be good.
This isn't fair, Sven.
If I hadn't chanced upon your secret life, I would've come to our bedroom tonight expecting, quite frankly, a bit of a show, and and a huge sense of release.
And what would've happened? Well, I would I will give it a go.
Why do you want to marry me? Because I love being with you.
And I want a family of my own.
Well, you can't bloody have one.
You know what it's like to love men? It's like being in prison, real prison, prison of pretending and lies.
We are officially mentally ill, do you know that? - It's important I overcome this.
- Overcome it? It's part of you.
I have to.
I came to this island to put all that in the past.
No.
I am so sorry, Sven, but no.
No matter how much we love each other .
.
it's not right for either of us.
And a marriage would just be more of a lie than your life is now.
Maybe if we were both 80, it would work.
I can wait, if you can.
- You need to cook the little sausages.
- Later.
I need your advice.
Oh.
My novel has been accepted for publication, which, because Corfu inspired me as a writer, makes my decision whether to stay even harder.
You've never asked me for advice before.
So nice.
Yeah.
Anyway .
.
you loved your girlfriend, until she dumped you .
.
so imagine the pain of abandoning her.
Look.
You're incredibly annoying.
Y-you could represent England for annoying.
But don't leave.
Girlfriends come and go, but families are for ever.
Thank you.
I think we need to talk.
- What, the three of us? - No, not the three of us, Leslie.
Oh, yes, sorry.
Why are you rushing me? Today of all days.
The wedding doesn't change anything.
Not the stupid wedding, the day I hear my novel's being published.
You know how pleased I am for you, Larry.
But I need to know our future.
My family aren't that bad, are they? My mother loves you.
So why did she tell me you'd never be faithful to me, then? What? Larry, don't.
It's not about her.
Larry, good.
There isn't going to be a wedding.
Why? We realised we're very fond of each other, but not in the right way.
So not because he prefers men? Well, yes, that.
But just tell the guests, as I say, - we realise we're very -- - Fond of each other but not in the right way.
It's up to Sven to decide what to tell people.
So no wedding but the best party ever.
OK, people, so we've got one Argh! Whoa.
One one hour until the wedding -- well, th-the knees-up.
So, basically yeah.
Did you tell Nancy I'm a philandering bastard? - I'm so sorry.
- It's not even true.
I may talk about sex all the time, and think about it and write about it, brilliantly, but I don't do it.
I've waited steadfastly for Nancy for five months! I didn't want you to leave.
It was my turn to be selfish.
'Larry, catching the five o'clock ferry home.
I hope with all my heart you will join me.
Love, Nancy.
' (Margo, you forgot to put your skirt on.
) Oh, God! Simera gamos ginete S'oreo perivoli Simera apo Simera apoxorizete Well, you erm you got your wish, Spiros.
I'm not marrying Sven.
Oh, Louisa.
Er will you tell everyone? Of course.
They are really fond of each other, just erm .
.
just not in the right way.
OK, together we'll find you a new, Greek husband.
- Too soon? - Yeah.
Don't worry, I've examined Leslie's arm and treated it.
I'm pretty sure we can save it.
What? His arm? Save it from feeling a bit stiff in the morning.
- Right.
- Cheers.
Cheers.
Don't just stand there, misting over, come and congratulate the Countess on getting out of the bloody house.
- How are you feeling? - A little like a tightrope walker trying not to look down.
- Have a drink.
- No, that makes it worse, apparently.
Oh, don't have a drink.
Er apparently we've missed the ceremony, but who did your mother marry? Hello, party! - Max has arrived! - And and Donald.
But mainly Max.
Excuse me.
- Hello, Margy.
- Hello.
You know how to throw a party.
Well Six months in Corfu, feels like a lifetime in Bournemouth.
I don't know if it's the atmosphere, or the wine, but I'm actually starting to enjoy the accordion.
I'll have to tell Larry, he's always I knew Gerry was a kindred spirit when together, we watched a family of dung beetles for three hours.
So Gerry loves animals, but A scorpion, massive, and it stung me there.
The pain would have actually killed most men, so Sorry, sorry.
Carry on.
Thank you.
Gerry loves animals, but part of loving is knowing when to let go.
So today we are releasing my precious animal family back into the wild, where, hopefully, like us, they'll thrive and have fun and if they're lucky, multiply.
So Stop.
I need to be with them a little longer.
It's not enough to observe them from a distance.
To understand them properly, you need to be with them every day and hold them and smell them.
Anyway sorry.
Maybe next week.
Please, go back and enjoy the party.
Thank goodness.
I thought for a horrible moment you were going to go ahead with it.
Well done.
This feels new.
Thank you, Larry.
Margo told me about your book.
- Hm.
- I'm very proud of you.
So you should be.
I'm proud of all of you.
- So, what's next? - For you? Well, you know what they say, when you fall off a horse - Give up horse-riding? - Get back on again quickly.
You know, Spiros said something similar.
Only not as nicely.
Somewhere on this island, there's someone for you.
You know, I just dream of the day when all four of you find .
.
happiness and fulfilment and love.
This may not happen.
It's my job to make it happen.
We'll see.
We'll see.