The Guild (2007) s01e06 Episode Script
Total Wipe
I guess it was pretty desperate thinking the Guild could help me with this Zaboo, you know, whatever this is.
Maybe I should go to my spam folder for help.
"Dear Minni Hymen, thanks for telling me about your herbal Viagra.
Any chance you could help me with this warlock on my couch?" I know.
I'm not funny.
I knew leaving Bladezz out was a mistake.
Tink said she'd talk him down, you know? They're close.
They kill newbies together for fun.
So, now that that courtship part is over, I figure I can put my wizard staff into your mana pool now and No! No! Ugh! Okay, Zaboo, I need you to get a hotel room.
This is not working out.
Okay, but then how can we form a codependency together? That doesn't compute.
Yes.
Exactly.
Look, I just got out of a relationship, and it's just Oh, right.
The guy whose cello you set on fire? Cello'd.
How did you know about that? Look who I'm talking to.
Hey, no worries.
I dig the fiery redhead thing.
Even if it's clearly not natural.
Look, I found him with the first-chair oboist, Gunther, and his His oboe.
Oboe'd.
I don't know.
Maybe video games do make you violent.
No! Shh! Shut up, okay? Shut your mouth.
- Okay? - Okay.
Oops.
Woodie'd.
Okay.
Okay.
I want you out of here.
Um, you're inappropriate.
I am not interested in you.
And I don't want you here.
Okay? Done.
Cool.
Yeah, I can read body language.
I get it.
I get it.
I'll, uh I'll go pack my stuff.
I don't not like you.
Oh! Hey, I'm sorry, okay? I just schwing for you.
Tink! Take out the runners! They're pulling more mobs! But I thought if I play like a taint bag, I get to keep all the loot.
Isn't that how you run the Guild now? You guys! Stop fighting! Jeez! Hey, we're I'm back.
Good! Get in here! Zaboo, too! Zaboo won't be logging on right now.
- Post-coital'd? - Clara! You're running into the wall again! Sorry! I'm playing one-handed.
I'm almost finished pumping.
I wish Bladezz was here for that one.
Me, too.
I'd like to open negotiations immediately for the Guild Bank.
This is why I don't leave the house.
I'm sorry, everyone! It was my idea to have the meeting, and now Zaboo's upset Oh, my God, you guys! I'm in big trouble.
My nanny quit.
What? Just now? No! I guess she left like a week ago.
She's IMing me right now.
How could you not notice she was gone? She claims I didn't hear her quitting because I was "killing gnomes," which is just stupid because I'm a gnome.
And then she says she left a note.
There's no note! I can't believe you left your kids alone that long! Are they okay? They're fine.
Maybe.
See, the baby got fed 'cause my breasts, they get all achy to remind me.
But I guess Bell and Gaby have been feeding themselves.
Ugh! No wonder they smell like ham and crayons! Should I take them to the ER or just wait for rainbow poo? I'm not qualified to answer that.
I am, however, certified in CPR and sushi preparation.
No one cares.
I need a new nanny, like, tomorrow.
I have super important plans, and my husband will notice if they're all loose and stuff.
Can't he watch them? It's his day off.
Why would he want to spend it with the kids? You can pick up a guy at the Home Depot parking lot.
They come cheap.
She's not repairing a roof! My research shows that nannies earn anywhere from 8 to 12 dollars an hour.
I would be happy to offer my services for a comparable price.
No! I want the babies! Why? You have the maternal instincts of a wood chipper.
Vork wants them.
I want to punish Vork, so I want them.
He gave away the Guild Bank! I want him homeless and logging on from a ditch.
I need the money, Tink! I spent 50 percent of my savings on that meal today! Um, your share was, like, 10 bucks.
10 dollars and 87 cents.
I know that number well.
Well, if Vork needs the money Forget money! I have a uterus! Ooh! I was in a sorority.
I'm super into vagina loyalty.
Where's my son? I know he's here! I tracked his GPS signal.
GPS? I thought he took the bus.
He's been microchipped.
Mom? What are you doing here?
Maybe I should go to my spam folder for help.
"Dear Minni Hymen, thanks for telling me about your herbal Viagra.
Any chance you could help me with this warlock on my couch?" I know.
I'm not funny.
I knew leaving Bladezz out was a mistake.
Tink said she'd talk him down, you know? They're close.
They kill newbies together for fun.
So, now that that courtship part is over, I figure I can put my wizard staff into your mana pool now and No! No! Ugh! Okay, Zaboo, I need you to get a hotel room.
This is not working out.
Okay, but then how can we form a codependency together? That doesn't compute.
Yes.
Exactly.
Look, I just got out of a relationship, and it's just Oh, right.
The guy whose cello you set on fire? Cello'd.
How did you know about that? Look who I'm talking to.
Hey, no worries.
I dig the fiery redhead thing.
Even if it's clearly not natural.
Look, I found him with the first-chair oboist, Gunther, and his His oboe.
Oboe'd.
I don't know.
Maybe video games do make you violent.
No! Shh! Shut up, okay? Shut your mouth.
- Okay? - Okay.
Oops.
Woodie'd.
Okay.
Okay.
I want you out of here.
Um, you're inappropriate.
I am not interested in you.
And I don't want you here.
Okay? Done.
Cool.
Yeah, I can read body language.
I get it.
I get it.
I'll, uh I'll go pack my stuff.
I don't not like you.
Oh! Hey, I'm sorry, okay? I just schwing for you.
Tink! Take out the runners! They're pulling more mobs! But I thought if I play like a taint bag, I get to keep all the loot.
Isn't that how you run the Guild now? You guys! Stop fighting! Jeez! Hey, we're I'm back.
Good! Get in here! Zaboo, too! Zaboo won't be logging on right now.
- Post-coital'd? - Clara! You're running into the wall again! Sorry! I'm playing one-handed.
I'm almost finished pumping.
I wish Bladezz was here for that one.
Me, too.
I'd like to open negotiations immediately for the Guild Bank.
This is why I don't leave the house.
I'm sorry, everyone! It was my idea to have the meeting, and now Zaboo's upset Oh, my God, you guys! I'm in big trouble.
My nanny quit.
What? Just now? No! I guess she left like a week ago.
She's IMing me right now.
How could you not notice she was gone? She claims I didn't hear her quitting because I was "killing gnomes," which is just stupid because I'm a gnome.
And then she says she left a note.
There's no note! I can't believe you left your kids alone that long! Are they okay? They're fine.
Maybe.
See, the baby got fed 'cause my breasts, they get all achy to remind me.
But I guess Bell and Gaby have been feeding themselves.
Ugh! No wonder they smell like ham and crayons! Should I take them to the ER or just wait for rainbow poo? I'm not qualified to answer that.
I am, however, certified in CPR and sushi preparation.
No one cares.
I need a new nanny, like, tomorrow.
I have super important plans, and my husband will notice if they're all loose and stuff.
Can't he watch them? It's his day off.
Why would he want to spend it with the kids? You can pick up a guy at the Home Depot parking lot.
They come cheap.
She's not repairing a roof! My research shows that nannies earn anywhere from 8 to 12 dollars an hour.
I would be happy to offer my services for a comparable price.
No! I want the babies! Why? You have the maternal instincts of a wood chipper.
Vork wants them.
I want to punish Vork, so I want them.
He gave away the Guild Bank! I want him homeless and logging on from a ditch.
I need the money, Tink! I spent 50 percent of my savings on that meal today! Um, your share was, like, 10 bucks.
10 dollars and 87 cents.
I know that number well.
Well, if Vork needs the money Forget money! I have a uterus! Ooh! I was in a sorority.
I'm super into vagina loyalty.
Where's my son? I know he's here! I tracked his GPS signal.
GPS? I thought he took the bus.
He's been microchipped.
Mom? What are you doing here?