The Letdown (2017) s01e06 Episode Script

(BABY COOS) Dadda's gonna miss you.
- Yeah.
- Well, she could always stay.
Yeah, I wish.
What have you got planned, anyway? Well, I'm gonna go check out the footy this arvo with Pete - Mm-hm.
- and then, catch up on some sleep.
Actually, maybe she could stay.
Maybe that's better.
No.
No, I think, you know, it's good for Lois to meet her great-granddaughter, isn't it? - We'll just be cleaning all weekend.
- All weekend? - Pretty much.
- Yeah? Last year I spent a whole day doing the windows with just one bucket of cold water and a capful of vinegar.
Think about the dust, she might have your allergies.
No, no, she's got no problem with dust.
- It's more about - We don't know.
getting the good country air, isn't it, into those little lungs? What? We'll be inside cleaning the whole time.
Well, I'm really happy for her to stay here, with me, but I think Lois is getting older and, you know, God forbid if she was to die and then Stevie hasn't met her.
I doubt that, I've got good genes.
Aunty Irene died at 107.
- Oh, yeah.
- We've got plenty of time.
She can stay.
We probably don't really have enough food here, though - We have breast milk in the freezer.
- You got a lot? Yep.
And I've just fed her.
How many would ? How many would you need? One So, it's probably not enough, is it? - Eight, nine You'll be fine! - (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) - This will be good for you two.
- Yeah.
That makes sense.
Yep? - Yeah.
- OK.
It will be great, won't it? So long as you're not just fleeing 'cause you're still mad at me.
If I were fleeing, I'd be fleeing to a very expensive boutique hotel, I wouldn't be driving five hours to clean my grandmother's putrid cottage, would I? Just don't baptise her.
Yeah, don't go to mass with any strange men.
(CAR HORN BEEPS) - Well, have fun, you two.
- Oh, we will.
Mamma's gonna miss you.
Where's my pump? OK, bye, love you, drive safe.
- How the fuck did that just happen? - (DOOR CLOSES) - VERITY: Thanks for paying, darling.
- That's alright.
I don't know why you don't just tap and go, so much easier.
Yeah, I do, just not as often as you, clearly.
Anyway, this weekend will be fun, a proper catch-up, just the two of us.
Well, Mum will be there, are we just gonna ignore her? Apparently she has news.
She's not sick, is she? Oh, God, she'll be annoyed I didn't bring Stevie.
No, she won't.
She hates babies, prefers foals.
I'll just catch up on sleep.
I only had three hours last night.
- I might nap in the car.
- No.
No, you're driving.
I I need to study.
Hey, Mum, I'm I'm actually pleased we're going away.
I, uh (GROANS) I did a really stupid thing the other day, even for me.
You know the dad in my mums' group? Mum? Mum? - Mum?! - Oh, what? What? Audrey, I'm reading, darling.
Reading.
You'll make a great therapist, Mum.
Oh, thanks.
Thanks, darling.
(PHONE RINGTONE) - Hi.
- Oh, hi.
You OK? Yeah.
We are having a great time together.
- Pretty sure she just - (LINE CRACKLES) - Jeremy? - (STATIC) Jeremy, are you there? Jeremy? I'm just having a bit of trouble getting her to take the bottle.
- Jeremy, are you there? Jerem ? - Hello? Aud? Audrey? Audrey? (GROANS) There's no reception.
Shit! Yeah.
(CHUCKLES) Hello, darling.
- Thank you so much.
Hey? - Don't worry about it.
Happens all the time.
- We're not made for multi-tasking.
- No.
- Hello? - Mum? Oh (EXHALES) Oh, Lordy, that smell! Get used to it.
- Lois, we're here! - Mum? Oh.
I'll make tea.
Yeah, check if she's made a slice.
Huh.
God, remember how many times you made me watch this when I was, what, 11? - What's that? - Kramer vs Kramer.
Oh.
Yeah, it was when we were thinking of getting a divorce.
Divorce? Huh.
And was Tootsie because Dad was secretly cross-dressing? Oh, that's funny.
You know, he did used to like putting on - Stop.
Don't - all of my - Don't do No.
- (LAUGHS) Oh, can you make sure she hasn't died in her sleep? Yep, alright.
- (DOOR OPENS) - Oh.
Hi.
Where's the baby? She didn't bring it.
Oh, she's a stunner, sweetheart.
Make the picture bigger.
- Yeah, she's a real mix, isn't she? - Oh - I think that's Dad's nose.
- Mm.
Obviously my cheeks.
And maybe Jeremy's jawline? Or maybe that's Mum.
Oh, she's nothing like your mother.
Oh, now, there was an ugly baby.
All this thick mop of hair, practically hirsute.
The neighbours thought we had a new puppy.
And big features.
Oh, took her years to grow into them.
And when she did, as we all know, she grew very fond of her appearance.
- Oh, that's lovely, that is.
- (CHUCKLES) You'll have some more? Oh, you've gotta try for a boy! They're much easier.
Is there anywhere I can get reception? I really should call them.
Yeah.
Yeah, up the back.
You go up the bridle path, past the Hamiltons' place, and you'll get a signal when you get up to the top.
You know where I caught you rolling around with Mac? (LAUGHS) When she was a teenager? No.
Last spring, wasn't it? I'll take you up there tomorrow morning.
- Can we go now? - Darling, just give them a night.
Right, I've cleaned out the shed and there's a pile of stuff out there on the patio for the tip.
Unless you want some of it.
Well, are there my paintings? Ah.
OK, well, I'll get started on the dusting.
Why is she clearing out the shed? You don't think she's preparing for death? I don't think she's that considerate.
- (FLY BUZZES) - Oh, God, the flies.
Hate the country.
Oh, I hope they're OK.
But not too OK, it would be good for Jeremy to experience the real hell of it.
(GAME PLAYS ON TV) JEREMY: Thank you.
- PETE: Cheers.
- Cheers, mate.
- This isn't too bad, is it? - Yeah.
- BOTH: Oh! - Can you imagine tackling Leilua? - Be like trying to tackle a horse.
- Yeah, like a working horse.
Like a - Clydesdale.
- Clydesdale.
- That's on steroids - Yes! that's being ridden by another Clydesdale.
That's a jock Yep.
Ugh.
Ugh.
Ugh.
It's not that bad, is it? - I'll change it at half-time.
- Mate, you are immune.
MAN: Mate, your baby stinks, change its nappy.
Alright, mate, mind your own business.
He's right, it stinks.
Hello? - (GRIZZLES) - Hello? I just need to change my daughter's nappy.
It's a man, by the way.
Come on.
There we go.
Whoo.
How are we looking? Whoa! I need you to pop around the corner and just get us, um, some nappies.
No, not at half-time.
Like, now would be Alright, after the kick.
Oh, he's missed? He's having a shocker.
He's on my fantasy team.
(GROANS) Ugh.
Oh, come on.
(SIGHS) Oh, good God.
(CHUCKLES) Come on, can you help, please? I've inhaled so much bleach, I've just had a nosebleed.
- Is that you? - Yeah, it's an old school selfie.
Ha! Are these all yours? Yeah.
Look at the legs on this one.
- Who's that you're hanging off? - Oh, gosh, I can't remember.
Handsome, though, look at that jaw.
- He looks half your age.
- (SCOFFS) Come on, I thought we were gonna knock this over this arvo.
Yeah, in a sec.
Have you stripped the beds? No, she said they're clean.
Well, by clean she means she's dusted them with baby powder.
Well, that would explain my leaking.
Oh, I remember.
Darren Finch.
He wrote me letter after letter, till his wife found out.
Oh, charming.
You want to see something really dirty? - No, not really.
- Oh, Audrey, go on! - Read that bit there.
Just that bit.
- What bit? There.
That bit.
Read it.
- Oh, wow.
- (LAUGHS) Go and ask her majesty if she wants us to clean out the pantry.
Yeah, I think we should, I just found Vegemite from the '80s.
That's last century.
- There you go, sweetie.
- (STEVIE GRIZZLES) Hello! Yeah, except they're they're boy ones.
They're boy toddler nappies.
What's the difference? OK, fuck, serious? So, vaginas, bit different to penises, OK? So one shoots out like that and the other one shoots down like that, OK? So, they absorb in different places.
Front for boys, middle for girls.
But the bottoms are the same, right, because they're both Yeah, the bottoms are both at the back.
Hey, Stevie, do you wanna little No, no, no, they're also for toddlers.
Oh, mate, can you pick that up? (GIRL SCREAMS) Run.
I did call out and there was no response.
Is that true, darling? Did he call out to you? - N-n-no.
- Liar! Excuse me? If we'd have known anyone was in there, we definitely wouldn't have gone in.
She also said you were talking about your penises.
Liar Oh, no, that's true, 'cause But it was just 'cause I bought the wrong nappies, um, because I bought the boys' ones, where But - The vagina sits in the middle - I'm so sorry.
It's supposed to be a safe zone.
It is.
And The thing is, there's no change tables in the gents'.
Sexist.
- Do you want a lollipop? - Don't.
Absolutely not.
That kid was a liar.
Oh.
Hello, boy.
You seen Lois? It's nice to see YOU.
Come on, let's go for a trot.
Whoa, come on.
Come on, it's Audrey.
What are you ? (SNORTS) What? LOIS: You're being hostile.
You've forgotten how to talk to him.
Ah, not being hostile, just standing here, - he's the hostile one.
- No, he's very perceptive.
You must have a blockage.
I'm certified, you know.
- In what? - Equine therapy.
What?! What? What are you, a psychiatrist for horses? Do you have a couch? We're the patients, not them.
I'll give you a session tomorrow.
- Oh.
- What's your mother doing? Reading love letters.
God, she was prolific.
(SCOFFS) Prolific with men.
Come on, it's teatime.
Didn't we just have a pot? Oh, you mean dinner.
Alright.
You've changed.
Oh, take those off.
Oh, dammit.
Bugger, bugger, bugger, forgot the wine.
It won't hurt you to go without one night.
- Is there any cooking sherry? - I just tipped that down the sink.
Oh, Audrey, dammit! There was a whole microcosm living inside it.
- So? - Yeah Oh.
Oh, the Limoges! Gee, I love this china.
- Well, take it.
- What? Take anything you want, you might as well.
Save your tears.
That's a bit grim.
There's something I've gotta tell you I've offered this place to the Equine Assisted Therapy Association.
They'll be working out of the main house quite soon.
Oh, phew! I thought you were gonna say you had brain cancer, or something.
(GASPS) I'm sorry.
You've done what? I think she's bequeathing the house - Wha what does this mean? - 'Bequeath'? - To pass on.
- Shut up, Audrey.
Mum, so you have given this place to Barney the Horse? No.
To an association that provides therapeutic services to those in need.
In need of what, horse whispery? No, it's called equine therapy.
Yeah, I know what it is, it's psychotherapy with a horse.
Well, they're more empathetic than most humans.
Yeah, well, it's very admirable, Lois, to give to charity, just so long as it's of your own volition and not Yeah, says she who's living in her childhood home, thanks to my charity.
We contribute to the mortgage.
We paid for the kitchen renovations.
So cheaply I'll have to redo it in five years.
- The cupboards aren't even a colour.
- They're eggshell.
Mum, how could you do this? Well, you've never shown any interest in the farm.
Well, I'm here, aren't I? Making sure the place doesn't go up in a cloud of dust.
Look, I could do with the company and help with the horses.
Are you gonna come back and help? - Look, what is it you want? - Right now? A drink.
- Oh, can I come? No.
No.
- Oh! It is still blazing sunlight outside.
God, dinner at 5:00! It's absolutely ridiculous.
JEREMY: You know, you just You don't think about it.
You just go, "Yeah, we're having a baby," but you don't think what what that means.
- Yeah.
- I mean, I am responsible for her now, - financially for the first time - I thought babies were cheap.
- Audrey, I mean.
- Mm.
Mm.
You know, and I never really considered that.
I mean, I want the best for 'em both, obviously.
Why does no-one settle for just average? If if I get if I get retrenched or if I screw up at my job - It could happen.
- Yes, it could happen.
- And I can't tell her.
Be - No.
You know? Until I've sorted it out.
- Mm-hm.
- You know? If This overseas gig, like, I can't tell her, because it would freak her out.
She's got too much stress as it is.
- You know what I mean? - Not really.
I'd just tell her about the job.
But, ah, my therapist says that I don't get, um, empathy.
That's more Ah, that's more about honesty.
That's not really an empathy situation, is it? OK.
She's she's still awake.
That's that's good.
It means she'll sleep tonight.
Mm.
- I'm shattered.
- Mm.
One more? Yeah, one more.
It's good, it's good to talk.
- I hope you don't mind - It's great to talk.
- I hope you don't mind - Jimmy, two more.
- me saying all this stuff - Can I talk for a bit and you listen? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's fine.
I'm not doing well.
(VERITY LAUGHS) - I don't think I ever said that.
- (MAN LAUGHS) Oh, hello, darling.
Relaxing night? Where have you been? Who's that? It's Mac Hamilton.
Don't be rude.
- Just wait over here.
- MAC: OK.
Was that mine? Yeah, well, we ate so long ago, I had to have a second dinner.
(WHISPERS) What are you doing? I'm just catching up with an old friend.
What happened to catching up with me? I thought that's what this weekend was about.
I waited up for you.
Well, honestly, darling, you know, this afternoon, tonight, was a lot for me to take on board.
I know, and I was worried about you.
And Stevie and Jeremy, no way of calling anyone, really relaxing night.
I thought you wanted to catch up on sleep.
Goodness, you're hard to read.
Alright, look first thing, we'll go for a big, lovely walk together I'll take you up the top, where you can get phone reception.
OK, great.
Thanks.
I'm going to bed.
I really wanted to watch Kramer vs Kramer with you.
Why? Aud, you're not thinking of leaving Jeremy, are you? Come on, darling, come on.
Please, Stevie.
Yeah, me again.
Still got no reception? Fuck.
Call me when you can.
Everything's great, though.
- (CRIES) - Oh, please take some, please.
Syringe C'mon, just a Ah, ah, oh, for far out.
Oh, jeez.
(KNOCKS ON DOOR) Wakey, wakey.
(SIGHS) Ow.
Ow.
(SIGHS) Oh, jeez! Oh, God! Oh.
Oh, sorry.
Argh.
Morning, sleepyhead.
Sleepyhead? We were supposed to be going on a bushwalk, remember? You were gonna show me where to get coverage.
I have been lost for hours.
I thought you were having a sleep-in.
Yeah, I could have died out there, Mum.
It was very nearly a Picnic at Hanging Rock situation, - without the picnic.
- Or the beautiful dresses.
Yeah, I couldn't find the track, let alone reception.
I thought that it was signposted.
There were no signs, you were supposed to show me! I came across some very hostile native fauna.
Well, you found your way back all by yourself, didn't you, darling? Yeah, where's the car? I need to check on Stevie.
Oh, Stevie will be fine.
You know, sometimes I feel Um I feel like you resent that I had a baby.
- Nonsense.
- Well, you don't seem very interested.
Well, I don't know, you want me to be some kind of on-call, second-mother thing.
Yeah, 'grandmother' is the word you're looking for.
Audrey, I don't know what else I can do for you.
Well, you you could teach me things.
Darling you don't learn motherhood, you live it.
And, frankly, dear, I don't have a lot of spare time and you need to take responsibility for your own family.
I don't know I don't know why I expected anything to change.
- You have never - Don't - When I've needed you - Don't pretend that you're useless.
I raised you to be a strong, independent woman.
My methods may not have been orthodox, but Yeah, like when I got my first-ever period, and you just handed me a pad and sent me to netball.
Everyone else got to stay home with a hot-water bottle.
Audrey, I was teaching you that menstruation was not an affliction.
And anyway, you played wing attack - Goal defence.
- that day like a queen.
A queen with a very heavy, visible flow.
Oh, for goodness sake, Audrey, that's a bit much.
OK, well, I hope you had a great night with Mac.
I was getting the lowdown on these horse people.
Oh, bullshit, Mum.
It's Psychology 101, it's male attention addiction disorder.
- There is no such thing.
- And you reek of Old Spice.
That is not the point.
This is my home, just like the one that you live in, don't you forget that.
You know what? Maybe we should move out.
You're losing this place, you can keep the other one.
Is that what you want? It's funny you should say that, because I was thinking of starting a consultancy and I can't afford two rents and splitting the mortgage, and I've got a whopping great credit card bill.
You know, these wretched, irresponsible banks, that class action is going nowhere.
Wow, OK.
So, it would solve, ah, well, a lot of my my problems.
Yeah, fine.
It's all yours.
And now I'm gonna go and have some lunch, because I'm starving (TEARFULLY) and probably dehydrated.
Lunch? Don't you mean breakfast? What time is it? Well, it's only just after 8:00.
- Hi, I'm Martha.
- Hi.
Hi, love.
I'm Barb.
Martha called me.
- OK.
- Had any luck? - No.
- She'll be right.
Come on.
We had a little bit of trouble with her last week, but we got there in the end, she'll be fine, come on.
Come on.
Come on! Come Barney, come on.
You're being a jerk.
Come on.
- (WHINNIES) - Look, he won't.
Have a chat.
With you or Mr Ed? With him.
He's mirroring you.
Lose the hostility, Audrey.
Now, go on, trot.
OK.
(LAUGHS) Come on, let's go.
- Nup, he's not gonna - Get it off your chest.
Say whatever's on your mind.
The horses can't speak, but they make excellent communicators.
Your mother's doing the best she can.
I know sometimes it feels like abandonment but maybe it's freedom to do things your way.
Hey? Trust yourself, Audrey.
OK, this is ridiculous.
No judgements, Barney, alright? Um OK.
I am sorry for sometimes wishing that Dad was here and not Verity.
I'm sorry for, um for wishing that she was different.
And I'm I'm sorry that I'm childish and I'm selfish and can't be content with anything.
And I'm sorry that I judge her.
And that I'm like her.
Oh, God.
And stu stupid, stupid kiss with Ruben.
Why did I let that hap ? And the tongue and it wasn't my tongue.
It was his tongue and I don't know why I let that happen.
Oh, what's happening? Jesus.
Now, go! You can do it.
Come on.
Oh, shit.
I don't feel great about this.
Oh, no, it's it's good.
Got a pretty good latch once she jumps on.
Ooh, is she getting teeth? Careful, darling.
Ooh! - Oh, all full up.
Back to Daddy.
- Oop, thank you.
Hey, that will just be 20 bucks, love.
Actually, you know what? We can just make that $10.
Probably laced with last night's sav blanc.
Um, do I tell Audrey? BOTH: No.
No.
- That was amazing.
- (CHUCKLES) Maybe Mum should have a session.
Oh, she'll be alright, the old drama queen.
Well, it's a bit dramatic, though, isn't it, being disinherited? And she's struggling financially, as you probably know.
It's a lease, not a bestowment.
(SCOFFS) I wish you two would listen.
Of course, I'm gonna have to sell eventually, so that I can afford the assisted living when I get the cancer, or whatever it is that's gonna kill me.
Yeah, the brain cancer or something.
Verity needs to look after herself.
What do you reckon, Barney? Any advice? - He knows.
- Does he? Probably does.
Are you sure you don't want me to drive? You should study.
VERITY: No, I'll drive.
You nap.
- Unless you want to.
- No, of course I don't want to.
- Bring the baby next time.
- I will.
(SIGHS) Alright, shall we go? Oh, Mum, um Oh, God, I'm sorry we fought.
It's not you, darling.
She's so tough on you.
She's alright.
That's how she shows her love, silly old thing.
AUDREY: Hello? God, I missed you.
- Where are you guys? - JEREMY: In here.
Oh.
Hello, Audrey.