The Lovers (2023) s01e06 Episode Script

1
'Flight 7031 to Belfast
is now boarding at Gate 15.'
Sorry.'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
aboard this flight to Belfast.
Take your seats as the seatbelt
sign has now been illuminated.'
Fucker bag
Do you want a hand?
Thank you, sir.
There you go.
Thank you. You're welcome.
I wish we'd've booked
separate flights.
Well, we didn't know we'd
be breaking up, did we?
'Cabin crew, seats for takeoff.'
I was born in Belfast
in the late '80s
My dad got out of jail,
married my ma, made babies
We were good eating Ulster
fries and baked taties
Steak and kidney
pies in glazed gravy
I was a praised baby But saying
that, I haven't been praised lately
You know why? Cos
I was born in Belfast
Hear the shotgun shell blast
And your soul's
going to hell fast ♪
Seamus!
/ Seamus! How was your flight?
Heard about Greenwood's
planned coup?
Perfect timing
for the interview!
Can we go somewhere private?
Oh, my god! You're
back from London! Ahhh!
Come on!
Right! Tell me everything! Go!
God, Gemma, I can't deal with this right now.
/ What's wrong?
What's going on?
Frankie and I broke
up. Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah. She's gonna post about
it on her socials today.
I've asked her not to do
it till after the show.
Oh, good.
Why did you break up?
I think that's a very
personal question.
Do you have a drink problem?
Why are you asking that?
Well, his behaviour's
been very erratic lately.
He's the talent.
What do you expect?
Seamus, I know someone who knows
someone who knows Elton John.
I could try and see - No, I'm
not, I'm not an alcoholic.
I've been having an affair.
Ohh! I think that's preferable
to alcoholism, isn't it?
That depends. Who did
you have the affair with?
Was it someone on the staff?
No, no. I would never do that.
Thank God. So, who was it?
Well, it's a woman
here in Ireland.
Aw lovely. Like Ballykissangel.
What age is she? Well,
she's she's about my age.
Age-appropriate. Phew. Yeah.
Do you think she'll
go to the press? No.
How can you be so sure?
She has her own reasons.
What happened?
/ What are you two doing? There's customers waiting!
Janet has a boyfriend!
/ Seriously? And he's famous
What? And she won't
tell me who it is!
I've been waiting weeks to know!
I was dating a celebrity,
yes It's over now.
Did you know about this?
Janet was dating a celebrity.
Oh, my god! I don't
want to talk about it!
Ach, please! We're all dying
to know. Look, look at Jason.
He can barely contain himself!
I'll tell youse and then
we'll never talk about it again!
Can I get some service here? We'll
be with you in a minute, sir.
Do you sell them panko breadcrumbs?
Try the World Foods section.
I looked there and
they're not there.
Then we obviously
don't have any. Sorry.
Are youse on strike or what?
Gemma, can you deal with this?
No! I want to know the
celebrity! Celebrity?
Is there a celebrity in here?
She was dating a celebrity.
Does everyone in East
Belfast have to know?
Just tell us who it was!
Seamus O'Hannigan.
Uhhh Who?
Seamus O'Hannigan. Who is that?
Never heard of him.
I love him! Huh?
Tim, can I tell you something?
Confidentially. Sure.
It's about the woman I was
having the affair with.
What about the woman you were having the affair with?
/ Fuck!
It all got a bit complicated.
Because of my past.
Oh aye, I see. You know
what I mean, Philip?
I do, aye. Aye. What
was in her past?
I thought you knew? I
thought everybody knew.
I was in the LUV.
What?
/ What? What were you in?
I thought you knew?
I never knew that!
I thought you were talking
about being a bit of a slapper.
Janet was a
low-list paramilitary.
A terrorist? It
was a long time ago
and her involvement was minimal.
But if it was to come out in the
press, then it could be a problem.
How did you get mixed up with a
bunch of clowns like that, Janet?
Who were they? Ssh ssh ssh!
I was young, Philip, I was
stupid. That's no excuse.
Will someone please tell
me who were the LUV?
Don't you mean the UVF? No, they were a
splinter group of the UVF.
Wasn't that the LVF?
No, they splintered from
the UVF with the LVF
and then they splintered
from the LVF to form the LUV.
The Loyalist Ulster
Volunteers. AKA The Luvvers.
Why were they called The Luvvers?
Every paramilitary group in Ulster
had a nickname. The Official
IRA were the Stickies.
The UDA were The
Wombles. We were the
We were The Luvvers.
It was a long time ago.
She's served her time.
She was in prison for
three years. Three years?
Isn't Irish terrorism
a bit passe these days?
I mean, you know if she was a
member of ISIS, I'd be worried.
So, you were against
the peace process?
As I recall, the LUV thought
the Good Friday Agreement
was a compromise too far
with Irish Republicanism.
Am I right, Janet?
/ I didn't think anything! I was just angry!
Well, look, at least now we'll
be prepared if it does come out.
Oh, it won't come out.
But I do think we should
"Reach out", as they say,
to HR and Legal.
Especially given Frankie's announcement.
/ Yes. But don't worry.
It'll all be fine.
It will.
Do you wanna take a day off?
No, I don't want
to be on my own.
Look, you can't blame him
for reacting the way he did.
Why are you taking his side?
Oh, come on, I'm not taking
his side, I'm on your side.
Nobody's ever on my side.
Give him a chance.
He's English He doesn't know
what we went through here.
He just needs a bit of time.
Time For what?
To get over it. To
come back to you.
I don't want him
back! Are you sure?
Because these past few weeks are
the happiest I've ever seen you.
Happiness? Who wants
that, huh? Urgh!
Love? Who needs it?
I was just really
angry with him.
The way he looked at me
like I was a piece of shit.
But are you not meant to be a Christian?
/ Yeah.
So, forgive him.
It's not as simple as that.
Janet.
You are a fucking nightmare.
You are the worst
employee I've ever had.
I was on beta blockers for
three months 'cause of you.
And poor Jason's terrified to
speak when he's around you.
But I forgave you.
And I'm not even a
fucking Christian!
Everyone here forgives you
and shows you love and patience.
It's about bloody
time you did the same.
And plus, your fella's a
fucking ride, so he is.
Hm
Shine a little light
On me
Lord knows, I need some now
So shine a little
light on me ♪
I've decided I
have to forgive you.
Forgive me? Yeah.
You forgive ME? Yes.
OK
And then maybe, maybe,
there's still a possibility.
A possibility of what?
This.
Me and you. Maybe.
That's why you wanted to meet,
to tell me that you forgive me?
No, I don't, I
don't forgive you.
But I will eventually have
to TRY to forgive you.
I don't want your fucking
forgiveness! I've done nothing wrong!
You were the terrorist!
D'you wanna keep your voice down?
You waited till I'd left my partner.
Yes. And I'm sorry. But don't
call me a terrorist again.
Or what? You'll blow me up?
Hah!
You have no ide You have
no idea how ashamed I am.
Pff This country, it
fucking fucks up your head.
And you'll never understand because
you didn't know what it was like here.
I do understand.
Cos my mother - Oh, my god!
Your fucking ma again, Seamus!
I know your mammy was from Ireland
and you think that makes you Irish.
It doesn't. You
didn't grow up here,
you don't know what it was like.
And you have no
right to judge me.
I wasn't gonna say
my mother was Irish.
I was gonna say my mother
My mother was driven out
of Belfast by the UVF.
Because she was
pregnant with me.
Cos her boyfriend, my
father, was Catholic.
So they threatened to
kill her if she stayed.
So don't tell me that
I-I don't understand.
Yeah, because of the Troubles,
because of this sectarian bullshit,
my mother's life was hell.
And I never met my father.
I have no idea who I am.
People like you, you don't
know the damage that you do.
You're not a victim of
the Troubles, Janet.
You're a criminal.
My father was killed by the IRA.
And it happened in front
of me. In our living room.
I was I was fucking five.
I wish you'd told me before.
Fuck!
The producers have noticed
that I'm not there.
I better get back, otherwise
my career really is over.
That's the most important thing
here, isn't it? Your career.
Yeah. Yeah, it is, actually.
Wow. You're such a big
man with a big job.
Famous Seamus.
You know the only reason why you do
it is to make yourself feel special.
You're not special. Yeah
You're nobody, Seamus.
You've nothing.
You've no parents.
That's right.
No girlfriend, no God. Yeah.
Nothing. Yeah. I'm nothing.
There's fucking nothing inside
me. All I care about is myself!
And that's how I like it!
Now fuck off back to your
supermarket, cos I have a show to do!
Fuck it!
Ask yourself if you are happy
Then you cease to be
That's a tip from you
to me (PHONE RINGS)
'Seamus? It's Ndidi.
Where the fuck are you?'
I don't ask myself
for nothing anymore
My peace is freedom
for the masses
The masses cannot see
That's a tip from them to me
And now I know for sure
I don't need nobody's
help now anymore ♪
Sorry for leaving. I had to go.
Forget that, there's no time.
So, after the paper review, we're
gonna go straight into the segment
about the rail workers'
strike in Tunbridge Wells.
From there Then straight
into The Chancellor.
And you need to press him
on this leadership rumour.
He's been stabbing the
Prime Minister in the back.
You nail him on that.
/ Frankie hasn't announced the break-up yet?
We've got someone
keeping an eye on that.
If it does come out, you might wanna
think about any dirt you have on Frankie.
Dirt? Dirt's too
strong a word,
but anything you can use to deflect
attention from you back onto her.
This isn't why I did journalism.
I wanna speak truth to power,
not destroy the lives
of the people I love!
Let's get you into make-up.
Hi, Katie.
/ I'm only gonna have time for blemishes.
It's in.
Oh, no! What?
/ What?
Frankie's released
her statement. And?
It's actually quite nice.
Then why say, "Oh, no"?
I saw one negative comment on Twitter.
/ Saying what?
Worry about it later. Which
particular negative comment?
His "performative wokeness"
or the one about his
"posturing male feminism"?
Stop reading them out loud!
Oh, no. No, no, no,
no! I can't do this!
I need time to think.
I can't go on live TV.
I'm being publicly humiliated!
Let's just take a
breath. Breathe with me.
It's all gonna be fine.
You're in the spotlight,
Greenwood's in the spotlight.
Which means more attention,
more viewers, more engagement.
That's what we want.
Isn't it? New pages.
Tim!
Oh, sorry! You've
despatched the mistress
and now you just need to
despatch the Chancellor
with the same joie de vivre.
I feel like a fake.
Like I'm not really me.
You ARE you. You're a
world-class broadcaster.
You're Seamus O'Hannigan! I'm
not. It's not even my real name!
Sorry?
Ah! Here he is.
Seamus O'Hannigan!
Chancellor.
Great to see you again. / Likewise.
Sir Rupert, can we go
through the running order?
'OK,
going in 30 seconds.'
Does he
look a bit sweaty to you?
'Ten seconds.'
'Don't be nervous'
'Five. Four'
Nerves are for dickheads.
So, if you're nervous
'One.'
Seamus, you can do this.
Good afternoon! A tough
week for the Prime Minister
as he comes under pressure over
the controversial Helsinki Treaty.
We'll be talking live to the
Chancellor of the Exchequer,
Sir Rupert
Greenwood.
Everything's going to
be absolutely fine.
Is that him? He's actually hot.
I thought he'd be like a wee
short skinny funny-looking nerd.
No offence, Jason.
'But is there widespread
support in the community
for this industrial action?'
We went to Tunbridge
Wells to find out more.
Thank you.
So, er, it seems we're both the subject
of scurrilous internet gossip today.
Can I, um, can I tell
you something, in confidence?
The rumours are true. I am
planning to oust the PM.
Sir Rupert, I'm not sure you
should be telling me this now.
Should I be successful, I want YOU to
come and be my Director of Communications.
You know, the sort of
Campbell to my Blair.
You know, the Ingham
to my Thatcher.
The Goebbels to my
Oh, how kind of you. Thank
you very much indeed.
And for the record, your private
life's no concern of mine.
I mean, we've all got skeletons,
haven't we?
'And we're on in five,
four. Three, two, one'
Where is Janet anyway?
Maybe she's in the
TV studio with him!
Oh aye. She could be.
She'd be in the audience.
Or maybe even backstage!
Oh! Hello, Janet1
'..than here in
Northern Ireland!'
'I'm sorry, I'm gonna
stop you there'
Sorry. This is too exciting.
Let me speak.
I'm not gonna let you
hijack this programme
to suit your own personal ends.
With respect, Chancellor, you've backed
this Prime Minister for five years.
And now you're gonna
stab him in the back
to further your own career?
Why should the British
public trust a liar?
Why should the
public trust a snake?
The public
This is the best he's ever
been. Fucking brilliant!
Tell us what we all know,
which is that you never
thought he was any good,
you never supported him
and that you want his job!
The Prime Minister has my full support.
/ That simply isn't true.
I am not interested in
what journalists like you,
stuck in your Westminster
bubble, think.
I'm interested in what the average worker
on the shop floor of Belfast thinks.
I'm interested in what
ordinary people —I'm sorry.
Why do you insist on — I
want this government to -
Why do you insist on — I want
this government —All lies.
To speak for and represent the
needs and wishes of ordinary people!
Oh, fuck off!
No, no, I'm sorry, I'm not
listening to this bollocks.
Ordinary people! You don't give
a fuck about ordinary people!
Is this actually happening?
This is better than Bake Off.
I know about
ordinary people, OK?
I I used to be
an ordinary person.
My mum was an ordinary person.
But I got I got fucked up
by all this celebrity bollocks.
Well, I AM interested in
what ordinary people think.
Which is why you're leaving me
for a fucking shop assistant.
I want this government
Would you let me tell the story?
To represent the views
She's so fucking
boring! And wishes
Now fuck off back to your
supermarket! Of ordinary people!
Hi.
Well, you're right about
one thing, Sir Rupert.
You and I do live in a
bubble. Well, fuck the bubble!
I'm bursting the fucking bubble.
That's
five fucks in less than one minute.
And two bollocks.
Janet
If you're watching this, um,
I'm sorry for everything I said.
Aww!
'I was wrong. Just so wrong.'
I take it all back.
I don't want this life anymore.
I want you.
Bloody cable. Er
THE VELVET UNDERGROUND:
Stephanie Says
I've never had that
happen before! Oh, God.
Why she's given half her
life to people she hates now
So, she mustn't be there?
Well, where is she? She's missing
the biggest moment of her life.
Maybe she came back here!
Well, go and find her!
Hey, guys, there's a
wee bit of a queue
For fuck's sake, not now, Jason!
What country shall I say
Please, Seamus! Think
about what you're doing!
No! Get back on that set!
Ndidi, you don't understand.
No, fuck that. You
listen to me for once.
Seamus, for six weeks, I
have put up with your shit
and I can't take it anymore.
There is more at stake
here than your love life,
than the whims of your no
doubt microscopic penis!
What about me? What
about the crew?
What about all the
people watching at home?
Be a fucking professional
and get back on that set now!
Ndidi, I'm sorry.
I have to go. They're
asking is it good or bad
It's such an icy feeling
It's so cold in Alaska ♪
Janet, if you get this message,
can you please ring me back,
just to let us know
you're alright, love, OK?
No-one's seen her.
Must have gone home.
You don't think
she's gone to - What?
Well, she has a history of -
Don't say it! Don't even think it!
I'll try her again. We
should call the police!
No, I need you to help
me with wee Jason.
We have to go to her house! We
have to go and break down the door!
Oh, Janet!
/ Where the hell were you?
I was out the back.
Alright. Jason, I'm coming.
Stop being so fucking needy!
Janet you will never
guess what just happened!
Please don't point
your banana at me, sir.
Jason, don't cry!
And then he just stood up
and left the interview,
and me and Philip were
like this Waaah!
Listen, everyone. We have a bit
of a situation. Let me explain.
We're at sixes and
sevens today because
a celebrity declared his
love for that woman
live on TV and we've been dealing with
the repercussions of that all day.
The celebrity is a politics
guy called Seamus O'Hannigan.
Who's that? Who's he?
Let's just get her and her
fella back together again
and then youse can all carry
on with your shopping, alright?
Who says I want to get
back together with him?
You better make
your mind up. Why?
Cos he's standing outside.
You won't believe what just
happened. I just, um
I just left a live interview
with the Chancellor.
Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.
I thought you didn't watch my
show? I don't. Gemma told me.
Hi. I'm Gemma.
I'd never heard of you before this
morning, but already, big fan.
OK. Hiya, I'm Philip.
Come away, Gemma.
/ OK.
Look, I'm sorry for what
I said. No. I'm sorry.
I-I was talking about myself.
I'm the one who's nothing.
No. No you're not nothing.
You, you're everything.
You're the first person
who's ever been on my side.
We can't do this. Why not?
Seamus, I love you. I love
you too! We CAN do this!
But I'm a fucking car crash!
I wreck everything I touch!
I don't care! Wreck me!
Desecrate me. I don't care.
Sorry. Can I ask you something?
I read online that you interviewed
Matthew McConaughey last year?
And I was just wondering, do you
have a number or an email for him
that you could pass on
to me? Jesus Christ!
Why don't you just let them
kiss, man? Fuckin' hell!
Could you take this?
Alright everybody, let's go back
inside and finish your shopping.
There's a two-for-one
offer on chicken legs!
So, er, what do you wanna do?
Janet can you come back
in and finish your shift?
I wouldn't normally insist,
but we're so busy, huh?
Yeah, I'll be in in a minute.
Wait, are you actually
going to go back into work?
Yeah, I have to finish my shift.
I just gave up my career for you!
I'll only be an
hour. Wait, so what,
what am I supposed to do
while you're in there?
Why don't you stand at the
window and watch me work
and then thank your lucky
stars you ever met me?
Excuse me. Sorry.
Midnight Train to Georgia
I didn't know you were Scottish.
Aye.
Said he's going back to find
Going back to find
What is it?
We have to tell them!
Say nothing!
Not so long ago
Alright?
He's leaving (Leaving)
On that midnight
train to Georgia
(Leaving on a midnight train)
It's actually quite stressful.
Do you know what these are for?
To a simpler place and time
(Whenever he takes that ride)
Oh, yes he is (Guess who's
gonna be right by his side)
And I'll be with him
(I know you will)
On that midnight
train to Georgia
(Leavin' on that
midnight train to Georgia)
Oh, yeah-eah-eah
I'd rather live in his world
Than live without him in mine
(Her world is his,
his and hers alone) ♪
AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk