The Persuaders (1971) s01e06 Episode Script

- Hi.
- Yes? - Is this place called Greensleeves? - What do you want? I've heard a lot about it.
I'm from Sandusky, Ohio, an American tourist.
I thought I'd like to take some pictures for the wife and kids.
- Could I get in? - No visitors allowed.
- Could you ask the owner? - He is not here.
- What's the owner's name? - The 15th Earl, Lord Brett Sinclair.
Well, you're sure kind to a stranger.
Thanks a lot! See you! Bye! - Well? - Nothing.
Nothing.
Well, what are we gonna do? Just have to do it the hard way, that's all.
Can I ask you a question? Why are we breaking into your place? All in good time, Daniel.
All in good time.
Thanks loads, Daniel.
Why all this cloak and dagger stuff, huh? Well, something happened last week that made me want to see it again.
It's been six or seven years.
It's run by an old butler who acts as caretaker.
The house is a virtual ruin.
It's been absolutely neglected.
Come on.
I don't call that a ruin.
I don't get it.
I haven't spent a penny on it in years.
Well, somebody has - we ought to find out who.
- Not yet.
Wait until dark.
- Oh.
I always recall my old school motto, "Consilio et Prudentia".
- Oh, nice.
What does that mean? - Sneaky is best.
Yeah, figures.
- Hello, Carter.
- Nice to see you, my lord.
Ward? Lord Sinclair! My word, sir.
This is a pleasure.
Thank you.
This is a friend of mine, Daniel Wilde.
- Gregory Ward, our host.
- Nice to meet you.
Well, well, well.
It's many a long year since there was a Sinclair in this bar.
What'll it be, gentlemen? Pint of cider? Strong as ever.
- Splendid.
Daniel? - I'll have the, ah They put a rat in every barrel for body.
a dry martini.
'Course we all knew you was coming back, as soon as we saw Greensleeves done up in such a hurry.
Yes, it's come along nicely, hasn't it? First we heard of it was when your old butler came dashing in here with the news.
Like a dog with two tails he was.
Drank 12 pints of cider to celebrate.
Hard to tell, he was unconscious at the time.
Wait till the whole village knows you're here.
- Ward, I am not here.
- Eh? I am NOT here.
Oh, right, my lord.
I'll pass the word.
One other thing.
I'll need the trap door after you close tonight.
It's been a long time since that was used, my lord.
Almost just like the good old days.
Tell you, it does me heart good to know Greensleeves is alive again.
Jackson, I'm going to bed.
You can lock up.
- Good night.
- Good night, sir.
Hurry, dear.
Night night.
- Now, Your Lordship? - Yes, might as well.
- I'll pick my coat up later, Ward.
- Very good, Your Lordship.
- Come on, Daniel! - Just take it steady, sir.
Oh, just one thing.
When you reach the fourth rung from the bottom It's missing.
Thanks for telling me Well, if it isn't the Lexington Avenue Express.
- Where does it go? - To the middle of the house.
Oh, couldn't you afford to have a bar in the house? Yes, but it wouldn't be as much fun.
- Ward, you can close up now! - Follow me, Your Lordship.
What's your hurry? Hey, what was that? Probably a rat.
They get quite large down here.
Watch for their left jabs.
- Oh, Daniel.
- Huh? - You see this? - The bricks? What about 'em? An ancestor of mine found his wife being unfaithful.
- To who? - Himself, of course.
Anyway, he was a very jealous man.
So he lured his wife's lover down here on the pretext of tasting wine.
Wait a minute.
That's Edgar Allan Poe.
Two guys get drunk, the lover passes out, right? - Exactly.
- He bricks him up in the alcove.
- You - Yes, anyway - He laboured through the night.
- Hey, wait a minute.
Brick by brick.
Until finally, the last one was in place.
Then, he fell into a deep, exhausted sleep.
Right.
And then the lover died of starvation, right? Oh, no, no.
My ancestor was so drunk he was standing the wrong side.
- He bricked himself in.
- Will you just lead the way? It was the wrong way up.
If you cleaned it up, it'd make a nice playroom.
This is fantastic! - Hey, let me do that once.
- Daniel! This is certainly a beautiful home.
Fantastic.
Daniel, this is exceedingly odd.
All these pictures, furniture, books, I put in storage seven years ago.
Look at this.
Is that you? My father and mother.
That's me.
- You were a nice-looking kid.
- True.
Shame you grew up.
Ah, ah, don't move.
Whose legs are those? - They're not mine, I borrowed them.
- I didn't think so.
You'd better hide.
- Good night, Jackson.
- Good night, miss.
- You can look now.
- What happened? He fainted.
Would you like to shut the door? What the devil are you doing? I'm going to make it look like a burglary, stupid.
Look at these.
Listen to this, it's to a theatrical agent.
"Dear Mr Ryan, these are the latest photographs.
"A close approximation will do.
The actor will be paid £200.
" Signed Piers Emerson.
- Mean anything? - Nope.
Pity you're not good-looking, you could apply to impersonate me.
- Very funny.
- Make yourself £200.
You are funny, no question about it.
Listen, Charlie, please yourself.
Benny, you must listen to people! Look, you either want this boy or you don't.
This kid's been asked to play Hamlet at the Royal Shakespeare Company! What do you mean he's too short? Did Shakespeare say how tall Hamlet was? All right, all right! We've rehearsed it, and all we needs is a good I'm thinking of changing my agent.
Thinking of doing what? I'm thinking of changing my agent.
Why don't you try changing your profession? I don't think they're handling me right.
If you were Michael Caine I couldn't help.
I'm up to here in stars, business is bad! - I don't saw her in half any more! - What do you do, then? - I set fire to her! - It's marvellous! Everybody says I've got star quality.
- I honestly do, I set fire to her! - Would you like to see it, Benny? All right.
Thanks for seeing me.
Just a minute, sir! You HAVE got something - a sort of a animal magnetism.
I might be able to do you a favour.
I can play anything.
Tall, short? Thin, fat? - Goodbye.
- Ugly, handsome? Give us a chance, you won't regret it.
I bloody set her on fire! You do that! Have you ever played a lord? I was in the chorus of "Student Prince".
Perfect! Here's your big break.
Shave off your whiskers, change your hair and make yourself look like him.
Then, get yourself down to this address.
Oh, a provincial theatre.
No, country house charades.
You play a Lord Sinclair.
The pay is, er, £50 a week and I won't even take commission.
I'll let them know you're coming.
Go on, then.
Get going.
- What are you waiting for, applause? - I don't have the fare.
Give us that back.
Thank you.
I was told to expect you.
I'll tell them you're here.
Wait in there.
I'm Sir John Hassocks.
Piers Emerson.
Melanie Sadler.
How do you do, sir? - The height's right.
- Weight's about the same.
- Profile's off a bit.
- Well, what do you think? - Put him in the right clothes - Emerson? Yes, I agree.
Do you think you could impersonate Lord Sinclair? I, uh I think so, sir.
- Have you ever acted an aristocrat? - Uh yes, sir.
All right, get him in the clothes.
Get rid of the moustache, we'll see.
Thank you, sir.
The bathroom's through there.
There's clothes in here.
You'd better come and choose something.
Well, uh, what would you suggest? You're the actor, whatever makes you feel the part.
Use the method, or whatever you call it.
Now, uh, why do you wear that? - The duffel? - The moustache.
Oh.
Cos it's trendy.
It isn't.
And without it, you might be quite bearable.
Why don't you get ready? And don't be long! Ooh! - Well? - He's changing.
I don't think the fellow can do it.
He's got no style.
Don't you be too sure of that.
The resemblance is remarkable.
- Perhaps that'll be enough.
- I doubt it.
Ah, Hassocks, Emerson.
So glad you could come.
I can't offer you any hunting.
The farmers have done for the foxes, using everything but grenades.
Lovely beard, Wig Creations? Melanie, my dear, you've never looked lovelier.
The library is far more comfortable.
You - what's your name? - I'm Jackson.
- Jackson, tea in fifteen minutes.
I do hope they take the peel off the cucumber.
Sit down, my dear, make yourself comfortable.
I see we have something here to get on with.
- Convincing, isn't he? - Remarkable.
Clothes maketh man.
Playing a gentleman requires detail.
Can you keep it up? - If you can, I can.
- What the devil do you mean by that? John, don't be so stuffy.
It's a superb impersonation.
I agree.
Let's give him the final test.
The, uh final test? Audition, then.
I'll show you off to somebody who's a better judge of fakes than we are.
Why, that's hardly fair.
This is only a superficial performance.
I haven't gone into any character detail.
The ability to ad lib is important to the role.
Get past this one, and the part is yours.
Go and get him, Melanie.
Moorehead, come into the library, please.
Now, wait a minute.
This really isn't fair.
You must give me something to go on.
His name is Moorehead, he's been in service here most of his life, and he's known the real Brett Sinclair since he was a child.
Well, he's bound to talk of things I know nothing about.
- My lord! - Moorehead, good to see you again.
Thank you, sir.
May I say, you look extremely fit.
Thank you, Moorehead.
The years haven't left a mark on you, either.
Uh, how how long is it since I was here last? It'll be seven years next month, sir.
Seven years? How time does fly, doesn't it? Do the renovations meet with your approval, my lord? - Oh, they're splendid, splendid.
- You're very kind.
I read in the newspapers about young master Reginald's accident.
Yes, that, uh, was very unfortunate.
Very.
Has he recovered? Well, yes.
You could say he was on the mend.
I'm very glad.
Now, can I be of service to you, my lord? Why, I don't think so, not at the moment.
Thank you, Moorehead.
You may go.
That will be all, Moorehead.
- Well, that was good enough for me.
- Me, too.
- Congratulations, Lord Sinclair.
- You're hired.
No.
- What's that? - I don't think I want the part.
I was told "country house charades".
There's obviously more to it - what's it all about? The Foreign Office is like the theatre.
We don't reveal the plot in the first act.
The Foreign Office? Really? Yes, I suppose to play the part, you must learn your cues.
You've gathered this is the property of Lord Sinclair.
- Yes.
- He has kindly loaned it to the Government for secret talks with Richard Congoto.
Congoto.
He's the Prime Minister of Zanda.
It's a Central African state.
Yes, I've heard of it.
Congoto's a difficult man to talk to.
In fact, he only agreed to come over when Sinclair had given his blessing.
- They were at school together.
- But Sinclair's in one of his sulks.
- Sulks? - Yes.
Oh, he's famous for them.
Really? He refused to have anything more to do with it, which left us in a hole.
If Sinclair's not here when Congoto arrives, he'll go home again.
And talks vital to this country will go down the drain.
- But if he were at school with me - Don't worry, it was ages ago.
We'll make sure you spend little time alone so you can avoid nostalgic schoolboy memories.
I'll brief you with a full history.
All you have to do is learn a few facts, parrot fashion.
That's what you chaps are good at, isn't it? Actors are like politicians - we say what we're paid to say.
Remember, this whole affair comes under the Official Secrets Act.
One word about it and you'll find yourself in jail.
OK, who was your housemaster there? Uh, David Hamlin.
We used to call him the Pied Piper.
What happened during your last term? - I was nearly expelled.
- Why? For smuggling girls into the dormitory.
Very good.
We've accomplished a lot this evening.
We could accomplish a great deal more.
You've got a lot more studying to do before playtime, and I'm exhausted.
Country gentleman lessons start at 8am.
I'll see you then.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Moorehead, come in.
I'm sure you've noticed something odd going on here.
I had noticed an undercurrent of intrigue.
Tomorrow you'll hear from a sick relative.
- You have to leave right away.
- Yes, sir.
You will tell them you've arranged a replacement butler in your absence.
Now, take this to the American staying at the pub.
- Very good, my lord.
- I'll explain everything later.
- Something else, sir.
- Yes, Moorehead? The rest of the staff are heeled.
Heeled, Moorehead? I do apologise for any inconvenience I've caused but I'm sure you'll be satisfied with my replacement.
- It can't be helped.
- I'll get back as soon as I can.
Was that Moorehead I saw leaving? Yes.
Family matter, if he's to be believed.
What else could it be? He may have recognised you as a fake.
Nonsense.
He knows one of nature's Earls when he sees one.
Let's see nature's Earl on a horse.
Congoto may want to ride - Sinclair's reputed to have a good seat.
He's not the only one! Not bad, where'd you learn that? A bit part in "The Charge of the Light Brigade".
Let's see how you went into the Valley of Death.
Not that way, wait! Whoa! Whoa.
Thanks.
How did you know? Well, I didn't.
The horse did.
Then I was with my regiment in Korea, where I won decorations which I'm too modest to mention.
My commanding officer was Colonel Frank Buckingham.
- Yes? - The replacement butler's arrived.
- See to it, show him the ropes.
- Certainly not.
I wish to see his references.
Show him in.
- What is your name? - Gregor, my lord.
Well, Gregor, I imagine you have some references.
Yes, my lord.
Thank you.
Oh, I see you worked for Lord Medenham.
- Yes, my lord.
- Medenham was never very demanding.
You'll find that we run a much tighter ship.
For example, we discourage the use of strong-smelling after-shave lotions.
You'll wash it off before commencing.
Jackson will show you your quarters.
- Yes, my lord.
- You may need this.
- Thank you, my lord.
- Sooner than you think.
Mister Prime Minister? It's a great honour, sir.
Lord Sinclair, pleasure to meet you again.
- My finance minister, Dr Kibu.
- How do you do? - My daughter, Carmen.
- Hello.
How do you do, Carmen.
Meet Sir John Hassocks.
Mr Kibu, this is Miss Sadler.
- Excellency, this is Miss Sadler.
- How do you do? - Miss Congoto, Melanie Sadler.
- Would you like to come through? I look forward to meeting everyone more informally but the journey's been quite strenuous.
Jet travel is a boring, but moving necessity etcetera.
Perhaps you'd show me to my rooms, Lord Sinclair.
With pleasure.
This way.
- Congo.
- Piggy.
Good to see you, it's been a long time.
- I read about you in the papers.
- You get a bit of space yourself.
What was that about downstairs, the schoolboy handshake? - Were you trying to warn me? - I'm not sure yet.
But things are not what they appear - tell me why you're here.
You know that.
You set it up.
No, I didn't.
Sit down.
I wouldn't have known you were coming except by the oddest chance.
Go on.
Well, I had a credit note for an overcharge by a construction firm, for work carried out here - I hadn't authorised anything.
So I came and found all this redecoration and that lot installed downstairs.
- So I was tricked into coming here? - It would seem so.
What's the story they gave you? Confidential government talks about financing nickel mining in Zanda.
- I was reluctant to come.
- Nevertheless, you came.
Only in the utmost secrecy.
Nobody knows I've left the country.
I was told that you had endorsed this meeting.
Only your name convinced me it was worth the risk.
What are they planning, Brett? I don't know, but I think we're going to find out very soon.
Pardon me.
Your Highness, tea.
- May I pour? - Thank you.
- What's your name? - Gregor, Your Highness.
- Not English? - No, not English.
Hungarian.
- Hey, that's great.
What city? - Uh Budapest.
I lived for two years in Budapest.
At university.
Sugar? - You're as Hungarian as I am.
- How could ya tell? I'm even beginning to doubt that you are a butler.
- Now look, I'm on your side.
- My side? Yeah, this whole set-up is crooked.
What do you suggest? Wait until they make their move.
That'll give us time.
Remember, Mister Prime Minister, "Consilio et Prudentia".
Remember? Huh.
Sneaky is best.
- Time to change for dinner.
- Yes, you're right.
- The third earl looks a rake.
- That's not the third earl he died at three, never had a portrait painted.
You have done your homework well.
# Alas, my love you, do me wrong # To cast me off discourteously # When I have loved you so # # along # Hey, come on.
Sound it now.
Dinner's ready.
# In your company # Come in.
# Greensleeves, as my heart of gold # Greensleeves, my pure delight # Yes, what is it? I'm sorry Lord Sinclair wasn't able to dine with us.
- I do hope he'll join us for coffee.
- I'm sure he will if it's possible.
I want him to be present for our discussions.
Oh, of course.
It's just that he's been unavoidably detained.
Good evening, Jackson, my friend.
How are you? - What are you doing here? - I came to tidy His Lordship's room.
They'll be calling for coffee downstairs in five minutes.
Go on.
It's not necessary to tell me household procedure, peasant.
Will the real Lord Brett Sinclair please stand up? All right, where did I go wrong? It was the portrait of the third Earl that did it.
- It's not in the history books.
- Oh.
Very careless of me.
You also have the Sinclair mole.
It's in all the portraits.
I prefer to call it a beauty spot.
This is the end of a beautiful friendship.
It needn't be.
When all this is over, give me a ring.
Let's get started, shall we? To begin, Prime Minister, I have a small confession to make.
I shall be interested to hear it.
We are not in any way connected with the British government.
We represent a huge consortium of mining companies that are interested in Zanda's nickel deposits.
We knew you'd never talk with private interests, but we were confident we could interest you.
A harmless deception, don't you agree? I do not.
But go ahead gentlemen, you are already self-confessed liars.
What else do you admit to? Stay outside, we don't want to be disturbed.
- Who's got the key to the cellar? - Miss Sadler.
- Don't worry, he can't get out.
- OK, go on back to the kitchen.
And keep an eye on that new butler.
Something about him that bothers me.
Now, the terms.
I see, you're cheats as well as liars.
We are entitled to a substantial return on what is a huge investment.
As for the remainder, 10% goes to the government of Zanda.
- And the final 5%? - Goes into a Swiss account, for you.
And what would be my share? At least one million within the first five years.
- A great deal of money.
- Father! There will be an immediate payment of £100,000 in advance of profits.
I was just trying to find out how much I'd be turning down.
Kibu, perhaps you can arrange for a car.
Our business here is over.
No, Richard.
You can't leave till this is settled.
- You! - I did all the preliminary work.
Your refusal was always a possibility so there are alternative plans.
Please sit down.
I think you'd better sit down.
Jackson.
I'm sure you'd like to discuss this with your daughter.
- I've decided.
- Then reconsider.
Jackson will take you to your room.
Emerson will go with you, tell you the alternatives.
When you understand, you'll come around to our thinking.
There is no threat you can offer that will change my mind.
Do you really care so little for your daughter's life? Life must be very difficult with the handicaps of honesty and integrity.
- I've never been troubled by them.
- Think that bluff will work? - My dear, that was no bluff.
- John, you don't mean to say - But you couldn't! - Now don't go all feminine on me! - Stop fooling around, pal.
- Daniel, let me out.
I haven't got the key.
I'm gonna break the door like in the movies.
- Don't do it! - Look out! - Blimey! - Have you finished clowning? - I'm not clowning.
- Listen.
There's a way into the tunnel, but it's jammed.
Open it from the other side, the secret panel's in the library.
- The library's crowded, buddy.
- You mustn't let that worry you.
Now when you get into the passage, turn left.
- Then right.
- Right.
- Right again.
- Right.
And then left.
Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! A blaze! Fire! Fire! Fire! - I want to warn you about - There's a fire.
Come, it's a fi Stop them.
They'll kill Congoto's daughter.
Welcome to the wild side, open the window.
Call the gatehouse! They've gotta be stopped! Take a look at this.
Get the rest of the men and go down after them.
We've got them trapped.