The Prince (2021) s01e06 Episode Script

1
♪
♪
- The whole trip is casual,
so let's just do Gucci,
Prada, Tom Brown.
Are you excited to go
to the Caribbean, Owen?
- Of course,
Your Royal Highness.
- You know, this is gonna be
like a vacation
for you, too, O.
I mean, I might ask you for
a picture or two for
Instagram,
but other than that,
you're barely gonna see me,
so bring plenty of books.
- I will, sir.
- You could sound
more excited, Jesus.
How many butlers
get to go to Mustique?
Not a lot, that's how many.
- I'm very excited, sir.
- Do you even tan?
What happens to that skin?
Does it just get blotchy or--
never mind.
Why am I asking him questions?
Hey, O, do I have the legs
for this swimsuit?
And don't lie.
- There's nothing
you can't wear, sir.
You have a body made
for clothes.
- Aw, thanks, O. This is
gonna be such a fun trip.
Too bad your wife
couldn't make it,
you know,
'cause she's dead and all.
You know what? No.
It's better just us anyway.
- I can't believe we get to go
to the Caribbean.
- It's a dream.
It's all a wonderful dream,
Douglas.
- This is going to be the
honeymoon we never had, Greg.
- I know! And I think
it's just what we need.
- Oh, do we need something?
I thought we were happy.
- We are!
That's not at all what I
meant.
I'm just saying--
- Do you still
find me attractive?
- Come here.
Shh.
- I'm being so silly.
♪
- Excuse me.
Yeah, hey.
Are there any of the cashmere
Hermès blankets?
This one is cotton,
and it's slicing my skin.
- I believe those are
the only blankets on board,
Your Royal Highness.
- This plane fucking sucks.
Go.
Stop looking at me.
- Sluts.
- Wha--
- Sluts.
- Oh.
- Oi! Nuts!
- Right away, sir.
Can you get me some mixed nuts?
- I'm on break.
-
Mixed nuts.
- Brilliant.
Thank you, Kevin.
Are they warm?
- Duh.
- So where is it
you're from, again, mate?
- Scotland.
- Got it.
- I can't wait to see you
in that bikini, darling.
Yes, all anybody is going to be
talking about is your figure.
-
Blech.
- Is there anything you need,
Your Royal Highness?
- Yeah, an airsick bag.
You having fun back there
with your little friends?
I guess this is like
Spring Break for you people.
- Just wanted to make sure you
have everything you need, sir.
- Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah.
Remember, this is
your vacation, too, Owen,
so just have fun, okay?
Really, don't worry about me.
- That's very kind, sir.
- Actually, O, before you go,
get a pic of me
in my seat here.
I'll pretend I'm looking out
at the clouds.
Ugh.
You didn't use portrait mode?
Never mind.
It's fine. It's fine.
Plane photos are passé, anyway.
All I need from you this trip
is one perfect Instagram, O.
Got it?
Now get back in economy.
- So, after we arrive,
do you think
we could possibly--
- No.
- Well, what about--
- No.
- Or even--
- No.
- Right.
Well, lovely chatting.
- He's not giving
that one a rose?
- Nope.
- But he just fucked her.
♪
- Welcome, Your Majesty.
Excuse me. Thanks.
- Your Majesty.
- Yum.
Is there anything more beachy
than thick, rare roast beef?
- Camilla in a bikini
comes to mind.
- We're eating!
- Has anybody seen Owen?
"Owen, comma, where the fuck
are you, question mark,
question mark, question mark."
- Hello, all. Sorry we're late.
Our flight was delayed--
you know, JetBlue.
- We don't know.
Gross.
- It was Mint, though.
Tell them, we were in Mint.
- Oh, they gave you a mint.
How lovely for you.
I have some gum in my purse
if you'd like.
- No, we were in Mint.
It's like their business
class.
It's really nice.
They give you
these cookies and--
- Meghan, I'm begging you
to stop now.
- And then people kept wanting
to get a picture.
You know, because I'm on "Real
Housewives of Beverly Hills."
So a lot of people
coming up to us.
- Uh-huh.
- There was something you
needed, Your Royal Highness?
- Yeah, my fucking butler.
I'm sitting here cutting
my own meat like an animal.
Ugh, not now, not now.
- Do you want
a picture here, sir?
I'll do it
in portrait mode this time.
- Do I want a picture of me
eating roast beef?
No, you idiot.
Later.
- Children, would you like
to go play in the sand?
- Wait, are you-
are you talking to me?
Is she talking to me?
- Go play with them, William.
- You play with them.
- Oh, and I brought some
of my homemade ketchup.
I'm coming out
with a line of condiments--
ketchups, mustards,
that sort of thing.
- We're really taking LA
by storm.
- Yeah, and the show has been
a great platform
to help me promote my brand.
- It's already a brand.
It's called Heinz.
- Oh, fuck!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
There, good as new.
- All it would take
is one giant wave.
- I was thinking
the same thing.
You okay, Kevin?
- Water.
Beautiful.
- Careful, you're
starting to burn.
- Isn't he always that color?
- Watch and learn here.
On the head. Off the--
On the--bing, bang!
Oi, Georgie!
Football!
- No, I don't want to.
Get away from me with that.
- Ready? Ready? Ready? Go on.
To me!
- I said knock it off
with that.
- Yes, I told you.
I'm working on it.
Hi, George.
- Hey. Why do you have
two cell phones?
- It's a toy
for little girls. See?
- Okay, whatever.
Great.
You ruined it.
Oof!
I said knock it off!
- Look, we have to be careful.
George is starting
to get suspicious.
I don't know! I guess he's not
as fucking dumb as he looks.
Oh, the weather has been great.
Thanks, yeah.
- So all you'd have to do
is Instagram yourselves
using my ketchup--
it'd be a huge help.
- I see.
Well, that's something
we'll definitely think about.
- Who's that?
- That's your nephew, Archie.
- You're pulling my leg.
Why have we not met before?
- You've met him, like,
a thousand times.
So are you gonna do
the fucking Instagram or not?
- Is the pressure okay?
- It's great.
- Great.
So what do you do for work?
- I really don't want to talk,
if that's okay.
- Right.
I just figured
since it's a beach massage.
- Camilla, are you going
to take that robe off
and show Mummy your figure?
Yes, darling.
Mummy, doesn't Camilla look
like a Victoria's Secret model?
- If Victoria's secret is that
she's an old cow, then, yes.
- That's not--
That's not her secret.
We might need to start feeding
these people more.
- When did "Vanity Fair"
become such a piece of shit?
You know, you don't have
to stand there
with that umbrella, O.
You can go for a swim
or something. I'm good.
- But then you would get
sunburned, sir.
- Oh, no, it's fine.
I only get golden brown.
I don't have the complexion
of a 65-year-old alcoholic
who's been outside twice.
- If you're
absolutely certain, sir.
Water does look nice, sir.
I've never been in the ocean.
I'm not quite sure
I even know how to swim.
- Really?
Aw, that stinks.
In that case, you can take
more pictures of me.
I really need a good one
for Instagram.
If no one knows
I went to Mustique, it's like,
why did I even go, you know?
- Absolutely, sir.
- Oh, get a few of me here.
Ugh.
None of these are usable.
Do it again.
Well, it would be nice if you
gave me a little direction.
What do I do?
Where do I move? Hello!
- Of course, sir.
Uh, turn this way.
- Sunglasses on or off?
- Let's try it
with them on, sir.
- Mom, tell Louis stop.
- Pringle?
- No.
- I'm making it official.
I hate him.
- So are we still considering
this our honeymoon?
- Once of Prince Philip's balls
got caught
in the bathtub drain!
I need someone right now!
- No.
♪
- So, yeah, we're hoping
the ketchups and mustards
are gonna be sold
at Whole Foods,
which, you know, would be huge.
Oh, and they're all organic,
in case anyone was wondering.
- We weren't.
-
- That's two today.
How are your balls?
Good.
- Ow.
Sorry.
Ow. Ow.
- Oh, Harry, I just found out
you had a son.
Congratulations, old man.
- Daughter, but thank you.
- Son,
and you didn't just find out.
Is it me?
- No.
- Anyway,
I was saying I had a sunburn.
Ow. That's why I look
like a monster.
Oh, sorry. Not that you look
like a monster.
Oh, God, I never know
what to say to him.
- Just a heads-up--
Camilla had a bit
of a mishap earlier today.
They all understand, darling.
There might be
some unfortunately,
well, racy photos
appearing online later.
Oh, and if anyone found
a bikini top in the water,
it belongs to Camilla.
- I thought that was two
fishing nets.
Sorry.
- I knew it was a boy.
I just forgot.
- Please just let me be
annoyed.
♪
- There's barely anything
to work with here.
They're all fucking blurry.
Do you have tremors?
- I apologize,
Your Royal Highness.
I am a very poor photographer.
- Yeah, you are.
Does my face
look as bad as I think, O?
- Not at all.
Why, I think it makes
you look rugged, sir.
- Like Chris Hemsworth?
- Sure.
- Thanks, O.
I know you wouldn't say it
if you didn't mean it.
Help me get ready for bed.
Ow.
- I'm sorry you didn't get
your perfect
vacation Instagram, sir.
- Oh, I just posted something.
- Oh, I'm in that.
- Yeah, it's cute.
It's very us.
- Very us, sir.
- Ooh, it's doing well.
Dame Kelly Ripa
already liked it.
- Well, good night, sir.
- Would you stay
until I fall asleep?
- Of course.
Sir, I think you
forgot to tag me?
- I didn't.