The Proud Family (2001) s01e06 Episode Script

Welcome to the
Wizard Kelly theater
where it all started
with a basketball
Just like our comfortable seats.
Oscar, how are we
supposed to sit on basketballs?
Check this out.
Wow, that's cool.
Shoot, they don't call him
"the wizard" for nothing.
They ought to call him "lucky."
Just don't make no sense.
Boy plays a little basketball
and now he owns half the world.
It's not right. George Washington
Carver never owned theaters.
Mama, quit hating, and
eat your Salisbury steak.
Mm-mmm, this is the
best Salisbury steak
I've ever eaten
at a movie theater.
Sojourner truth never
owned any theaters.
Mama!
Marion Anderson
never had any theaters
and they wouldn't
even let her sing in one.
Shh! Remember, no talking
so we can all enjoy and hear
tonight's feature-length film
which will be brought
to you in Wizard Kelly's
- "look-out-you're-surrounded sound."
- Huh?
Let me demonstrate.
Freaky, huh?
Man, when is the
movie going to start?
Oh, just one more thing.
One week from today
is the Wizard Kelly
junior spelling bee.
So, children, get
your ABC's in order.
The wizard is giving
out plenty of prizes.
And now, our
feature presentation.
Penny, did you hear that?
Yeah, finally the movie.
Not that, the spelling bee.
Oscar, shh!
Yeah, daddy, nobody cares
about some old spelling bee.
Nobody cares?
Everybody cares
about the spelling bee.
I saw that, Mama.
Come on, baby girl, we've got to
start p-r-a-c-t-i-c-i-n-g, practicing.
But daddy, the movie
Daddy, please, I
want to see the movie.
Look, baby girl, you
don't understand right now
but that spelling bee
can change your life.
How do I know?
I'm a former spelling
bee champione.
Oh, sorry, Crandall.
Crandall?
Crandall Smith,
what a coincidence.
That's Smythe, Proud.
Penny, I'd like you
to meet the man
your daddy defeated in the
1977 spelling bee championship
Crandall Smith.
Excuse me, but your
win was an abomination.
Yep, I was the bomb, all right.
You ignoramus, your ability to
spell is nothing more than a fluke,
a cheap parlor trick.
You hadn't the slightest
notion what the words meant.
All you are is a
spelling savant.
And champion.
Let's not forget that.
Which would make
you the loser.
Misspelling one word would
hardly qualify me as a loser.
Come on, dad.
I really went to the
mat to get you this job.
You can't be slacking.
The smelly business got
them barfing in theater 12.
Go clean it up.
Loser! If you'll excuse me
I've got to go practice
with my daughter
the next wizard
spelling bee champion.
Come on hither, Penny.
We have moil to do.
You do remember that
word, don't you, Smythe?
M-o-i-I. It's the
one you missed.
It means strenuous activity
that involves difficulty
Like spelling, for some people.
Let's get on out of here.
No more shoveling puke.
I quit.
And you're quitting, too.
What are you talking about, dad?
I'm about ready to
move up to nachos.
No, my cheesy son.
You're about to embark
on a journey of revenge.
Come along. Time is short.
The Proud family ♪
what? ♪
you and me will always be tight ♪
family, every
single day and night ♪
even when you
start acting like a fool ♪
you know I'm loving
every single thing you do ♪
I know that I can
always be myself ♪
I love you more
than anybody else ♪
and every day as I'm
heading off to school ♪
you know there's no
one I love as much as you ♪
family, a family ♪
Proud family ♪
they'll make you scream ♪
they'll make
you want to sing ♪
it's a family
thing, a family ♪
Proud, Proud family ♪
the Proud family ♪
they'll push your buttons ♪
and make you
want to hug them ♪
a family, a family, a
Proud, Proud family ♪
Okay, Penny.
From this moment forth
you're officially in training.
That means you spell
everything when you talk to me.
Here you go.
Sushi?
Ah-ah-ah!
S-u-s-h-i.
Sushi for breakfast?
It's brain food.
Yeah, but it's being
served by a d-u-n-c-e.
Mama?
Just trying to show the
child spelling can be fun.
Okay, Penny, now focus.
You can't be a good
speller with a bad diet.
We've got gingko
biloba, for your memory
fish juice, to flush out all
the slang from your mind
and walnuts, to
boost your brain.
- Walnuts?
- Yeah,
it even looks like
a brain, doesn't it?
Yeah, just like
yours, 'cept it's larger.
Daddy, I don't want
to be in a spelling bee.
That's for nerds.
I knew you'd say that.
Now, take a look
at this, baby girl.
Do I look like a nerd?
Eww, why's your hair
sticking out like that?
Because it was n-a-p-p-y.
It's not sticking out.
That was the style back then.
I had that Jim Kelly,
Artis Gilmore Linc
from the mod
squad thing going on.
Who?
Never mind. Eat your walnuts.
Penny Proud, let's go!
Sorry, daddy, but
I've got to J-e-t, jet.
Okay, but the minute school's
over, meet me at the mall
at the wizard's kids store.
- We got to pick up a few
- B-y-e, bye, daddy.
Things.
Oscar, please come straight
home after work today.
I need you to take the twins
to their play baby
development class.
I can't, Trudy. I'm meeting
Penny at the wizard's kids.
I got to do a million things to
get her ready for that spelling bee.
You've got to do it, Oscar.
I've got to go to the clinic.
It's the first day of our
annual spay and neuter drive.
You know how important that is.
I know how important it
is to a lot of dogs and cats
- that you don't show up.
- Oscar?
I'll take them for you.
Thank you, Suga Mama.
Oh, don't thank
me. I owe it to you.
You know, the Oscar thing.
148 149 Hold
it. Hold it. 150.
Look at you parents.
All of you are weak.
But I'm impressed
by you, Suga Mama.
You got true grit.
Mr. Eddie, call on line one.
All right, 12 sets of jumping
Jacks while I'm gone.
Suga Mama, you're in command.
You heard him. The
man said I'm in charge.
Time to have some
fun. Here, Puff.
Put this CD on for me.
Come on, come on ♪
all right, now, y'all,
come on here now.
- To the right ♪
- hey, to the right now.
- To the left ♪
- to the left.
- Take it back now.
- one hop ♪
- No, hop two times.
- right foot, let's go ♪
Now, cha-cha-cha.
- Bring it down, now.
- cha-cha, now, y'all ♪
Go, Puff, go, Puff.
It's your birthday.
It's your birthday.
Now, everybody freeze.
- Right foot, left foot ♪
- bring it down, now.
Cha-cha, now, y'all ♪
- Now, cha-cha-cha.
- bring it down ♪
Oh, take it back now.
- What is going on here?
- take it back now ♪
We were just trying
to have a little fun.
- Join the party, Mr. Eddie.
- No.
My whistle!
Dang, Mr. Eddie's a big boy.
Hey, Mr. Eddie,
I'm here to pick up
Here's your money back. I
never want to see her again.
Suga Mama?
Hey, look at it this way, Trudy.
You got this class for free.
And I got a workout.
How come you got to
go in this nerd store?
Stop calling it that.
You're not a nerd just
because you come in this store.
Penny, please. This
place reeks of dorkdom.
Yeah, nobody who is really cool
would ever be caught dead in here.
Hey, Zoey, your dream
interpretation book came in.
Shall I put it at your usual
table with the magnifying glass?
8-x?
All right, I've been
in once or twice.
Look, Proud, as much as
we'd like to, we can't hang here.
We've got to shop for
the school beach retreat.
Yeah, it's going
to be off the heezy.
There's going to be a
bonfire, a weenie roast,
and most important of all,
it's going to be unchaperoned.
I thought miss Thompson
was the chaperone.
She is, but she
lost her eyeglasses.
Oh, man, I can't wait.
Why? You can't come.
It's the same night
as your spelling bee.
Oh, no, what am I going to do?
I don't know. I wish
I could help you.
See you. Wouldn't
want to be you.
Ever.
Look, Penny, I'm not like them.
I don't think you're a nerd.
Could you do me a favor
and drop that dream book
by my house on your way home?
- Zoey!
- Bye, dork!
Hey, Penny, isn't this great?
Just being here makes
you feel smarter, doesn't it?
Daddy, the school beach retreat is
the same night as the spelling bee.
Would you rather freeze
on some dark beach
or become the queen
of the spelling bee?
"Queen bee
spelling" Get it?
Daddy, I'd rather
be at the party.
Win the spelling bee, and
the party will come to you.
Oh, look at this!
"Dr. Brainiac.
Learn brain surgery
with none of the mess.
Ages six to nine."
Wow, Penny, can you
believe this? Penny? Penny?
Well, hello, little baby.
Aren't you cute!
Egads, did you gargle with
garlic juice this morning?
There's a dollar
behind my pillow.
Take it and go
through the car wash.
With your mouth open.
This store is great.
Look at that, a talking doll.
Where do you keep the batteries?
The same place the
ventriloquist puts his hand in you.
Wait a minute.
I think you've just insulted me.
No, sir, that
outfit insults you.
I merely mock you.
Ah, you got jokes? Who are
you? An ugly Chucky wannabe?
No, I'm just your
mental superior.
Now, it's time for your line. It
should go something like this. "Duh!"
Don't let that formula-encrusted
mouth of yours write a check
your diaper rash
bottom can't cash.
Hey! You and me, shorty.
Outside, now.
What's the matter, Proud?
Even babies won't play with you?
Crandall, give me
a large popcorn
Butter in the middle
And some red vines.
That's so funny.
But you know, I
don't do that anymore.
I'm back in the
world of academia.
Hey, Crandall, cleanup in
atomic energy aisle. Wear gloves.
Loser!
Excuse me, sir?
Do you have the Wizard Kelly
experimental IQ increaser?
Makes kids smarter by
increasing their brain power.
Did we get those in?
It's over there but
we only have one left.
Give me that, you fool.
I got it first. Besides,
you can't afford it.
Get off me, Crandall
I can't believe this stupid spelling
bee is making them act so crazy.
All I know is, this
whole thing is wack.
Tell me about it. Want a walnut?
I already have some.
You cretin!
You broke it.
Look, I got to catch
up with my girls.
See you 'round.
Yeah, yeah, see you.
Psst!
Hey, kid?
Word on the street has it,
you need to win a spelling bee.
Yeah, can you hook it up for me?
Unless you can
spell c-a-s-h money,
the gross sisters
can't fix nothing.
Okay, okay, okay.
But no violence.
Ah, you want to
do it the hard way.
That'll cost you extra.
Break out some Jacksons.
Okay, this is all I have.
So-so how you going to do it?
Don't worry about it. Just
know, you're going to be
the new Wizard Kelly
spelling bee champion.
Penny Proud, time to get up.
Time to do some spelling.
Oh, come on, daddy.
It's Saturday.
We all have to make sacrifices.
This is my cartoon day.
Now, up, up, up, up!
That's the spirit.
Now, for a little
spelling music.
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪
ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ♪
a b c ♪
it's easy as one, two, three ♪
as simple as ♪
do re me ♪
a b c ♪
one, two, three ♪
baby, you and me girl ♪
it's easy as one, two, three ♪
All right, Penny.
This game is called horse.
If I make a shot then you
have to make the same shot.
If you miss, you get a letter.
First player to
spell horse loses.
That'll probably be you,
but don't worry about it.
It's the spelling
that's important.
Any questions?
I think I got it.
Your education
ain't complete ♪
teacher's gonna show you ♪
how to get an a ♪
oh, a, b, c ♪
it's easy as one, two, three ♪
Did I mention we're
playing horseshoe?
All right, Penny.
I'll give you the word
and Buzz Lightyear
here will spell it in
the clouds for us.
Make sure your
seat belt is tight
because this is
going to be wild.
Yes, daddy.
Okay. Now your
first word is parody.
Parody p-a-r-o Oh!
Daddy, there's only
one "o" in parody.
Daddy?
Come on, daddy,
I'm tired of spelling.
Tired? Champions
never get tired.
I have a grade-three
concussion and I'm not tired.
Will somebody pick
up that doggone phone?
Daddy, the phone isn't ringing.
That's not important.
Three more words
and you can go to sleep.
- Comatose.
- Comatose.
C-o
The only thing that girl got
from me was her good looks.
Oscar, you have worn this
child out with your spelling frenzy.
I'm teaching her to be tough.
No, you're trying to
relive your glory day.
They'll be no more spelling.
Tomorrow is a day off.
Fine.
If she grows up to
be soft it's your fault.
Croissant. C-r-o
Sleep tight, baby girl.
I-s-s-a-n-t.
Okay, baby. Now
this is the big time.
Just remember
everything we've done.
Welcome everybody.
This spelling bee is
brought to you live courtesy
of Wizard Kelly cable connection
where the picture quality
is low like our rates.
And parents, a videotape
of tonight's competition
will be available
for only $59.95.
Be sure to capture what may be
your child's only moment of glory
they'll ever have.
Ever.
In their entire life.
There it is.
Everybody Ooh, this is it!
The first word is "albumen"
The white part of an egg.
As in, "wizard likes his
albumen scrambled."
A-I b-u-m-e-n.
Albumen.
That's right! That's right.
You got no albumen on your face.
And the next word is
knack A talent or aptitude.
Like the wizard has
a knack for basketball.
K-n-a C K. Knack.
Is that your final answer?
Don't be scared.
Ooh-whoo!
That is correct!
Chlorophyll The
green coloring matter
of mother nature's little
trees and plants and things.
Chlorophyll.
Shoot! That's an easy one.
I should have been
the one up in this mud.
C-h-l-o-r-o-p-h-y-I-I.
Chlorophyll.
Correct!
Woo-ooh!
I-n-s-i-z-o-r.
"Insizor?"
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's a foul.
But don't feel bad.
You get a copy of
my new audio book
It all started
with a basketball.
J-u-d-g-e-m-e-n-t.
Judgment.
Ooh-ooh!
Mm-mm-mm.
I'm so sorry.
You got to go hit the showers.
Oh!
My bad.
I got a judgment
from the judges.
They say you can spell it
with or without the first "E."
Therefore, that is correct!
We're down to our
last three contestants.
The next word is "milieu."
- Timothy?
- Uh, milieu.
M, uh I Uh, give me
Three fish sandwiches,
and five fries.
System! He's wired!
M-i-l-i-e-u.
Milieu!
Dang, he's slow!
Now that's a foul.
Hit the bench. You're
disqualified for cheating.
Bobbin a spool upon
which thread is wound.
I personally prefer "bobbin"
for apples, not thread.
Just ain't right, just
ain't right. Wrong!
Just wrong.
B-o-b-a-n.
"Boban."
Ooh, I'm so sorry
but that is incorrect.
Ms. Penny Proud,
for the championship
please spell "bobbin."
Bobbin.
B-o-b
B
I-n? Bobbin?
Correct-omundo!
Which, by the way
is not a real word.
Please don't send letters.
Penny Proud, you are the
Wizard Kelly spelling bee champ.
We did it, baby girl. We did it!
She did it, Oscar.
Yeah, in spite of
all your foolishness.
Your mother's right.
You did it, Penny.
You're in the record book
along with your daddy.
Daddy, I need to
tell you something.
You can't spell incisor.
Lighten up. They
didn't stand a chance
against the Proud kids.
- Dad.
- Okay, baby girl, what were you saying?
Can you believe that
Crandall kid tried to cheat?
That's what I want
to talk to you about.
Congratulations, Penny.
Oscar, you've got a
real winner for a kid.
I don't know where I
got this cheater from.
Timothy's not the
only one who cheated.
Who, baby girl, who?
Let's get them before
they leave with our prizes.
Me, daddy. I cheated, too.
Ooh!
This girl is delirious.
Let's go.
No, daddy. I cheated.
Huh?
- And you helped me.
- I knew it!
You don't know anything.
Wait a minute now, baby girl.
Why are you saying this?
Penny, what are
you talking about?
You see, I really didn't know
how to spell that last word
and then I looked
out in the audience
and daddy, you were mouthing
the letters with your lips.
I'm sorry.
I always knew that boy's
mouth would be his undoing.
I heard the whole thing.
Kid still had her microphone on.
Sorry.
Where's Debby Chang?
She wins by default.
Hold on, wiz!
Read my lips.
You better let that go.
You human cue card, you cheated.
Oh, no, you don't!
Give that back.
Get your hands off this!
What are you talking about?
Your kid spell bobbin with an a.
Your kids are cheaters.
This is going to be the
start of the Chang dynasty.
Hey, guys, if we hurry
we can still make
the beach retreat.
Yeah, they should be starting
the bonfire right about now.
Hey, we're down.
Let's make like a
ball and bounce.
This is coming home with me!
Get off the track.
Give it to me!
Cheer up, baby.
It was an honest mistake.
But it's all my
fault Penny lost.
I got too caught up in
reliving my glory days.
I promise you, baby,
I learned my lesson.
I'll never push my kids again.
Well, will you at
least watch them?
I've got to empty the dryer.
Sure, go ahead.
Trudy, look! The
babies are spelling!
These kids are making words
and they've got no
idea what they mean.
Just like their daddy.
The Proud genes continue!