The Ren and Stimpy Show s01e06 Episode Script
Black Hole / Stimpy's Invention
1 ( Stimpy ) Hey, Ren ( irritated ) What ?! Will you help me try out my new inventions ? Go away, I'm busy ! Come on, Ren, I need your help.
Oh, please ! Huh ? Uh, all right, all right, sure.
All right, Stimpy, I'm losing my patience.
Let's get this over with ! Ahem, ladies and gents, I give you the cheese-o-phone.
Now we can talk to cheese anywhere in the world, regardless of their foreign tongues.
Eh, go ahead, Ren, say something in Limburger.
( screaming whistle ) Will you hurry so I can finish my paper ? ( clattering ) Check this out, Ren.
It's the remote control shaver.
Now you can get a clean, close shave without even being there.
Observe.
( buzzing ) That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard ! You-- ( buzzing ) You here, Ren, for you ! Oh, what is it ? Go ahead, open it.
What are they ? They're my latest invention: stay-put socks.
They never fall down ! Say, now, that's a good idea.
Especially for those of us who don't wear clothes.
( squish ) Why, it's amazing ! How do they work ? They're full of glue ! ( bubbling ) I'm so glad you like them, Ren.
Wait here.
I'll go get the stay-put hat and raincoat.
You filthy swine ! I will kill you ! ( grunting ) Hey, what's the matter, Ren ? ( high-pitched grunting ) Say you don't suppose-- ( gasps ) He's unhappy ? I know now what I must do.
I must use my gift of invention to save Ren.
( electric sizzling ) ( hissing ) ( thundering ) ( buzzing ) ( bubbling ) ( hissing ) Hmm ( drilling ) Hmm ah ! ( jack hammering ) ( air driver ) Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-Hmm, mm-hmm.
( boing ) ( wheezy exhale ) ( electric sizzling ) ( buzzing ) ( bubbling ) Whew ! ( gulping ) ( clanking ) Eureka ! ( Stimpy ) Hey, Ren ! What ?! Are you feeling any better ? No, I'm not feeling any better ! Wait.
What are you up to ? Oh, nothing ! What have you got behind your back ? You're hiding something from me, aren't you ? What is it you're hiding ? All right, let's see it ! Okay, hand it over ! ( clanking ) Hey, what is this thing ? Get it off of me ! It's the happy helmet, Ren.
Now you'll always be happy ! And this is the remote control, and I use this dial to control how happy you are.
You sick little monkey ! Why, I oughta-- ( electronic buzz ) Reee hey, it works ! ( buzz ) Hey what's happening to me ?! No ! Got to fight it ! Eee ! ( maniacal laughing ) Can't lose control ! Will strong.
( distorted voice ) Bodyweak ! Whee ! Hah hah hah hah hah ! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ! ( voice echoing ) Stimpy, I'm so happy ! I must go do nice things ! Hee hee hee hee ! Hah hah hah hah ! ( creaking ) So happy ironing for Stimpy ! Hah hah hah hah hah ! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ! ( crunch ) Ah ha ha ha ha ha ! ( Ren ) I must do wonderful things for my best friend Stimpy ! Ooh joy ! Ah hah hah hah hah ! See how I love to clean filthy cat boxes ? ( scraping ) Hah hah hah hah hah ! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ( laughing ) ( crash ) ( horn toots ) ( honking ) Ren ! I've got a surprise for you ! Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Hey, maybe Ren is somewhere being sad.
I will make him happy again ! ( dinging ) Ren, oh, Ren boy, Ren, if you think you're happy now, wait'll you hear this ! It's a record of my favorite song ! It's called "happy happy joy joy !" ( strumming guitar ) ( man on record ) Hello, boys and girls.
This is your old pal Stinky Whizzleteats.
This is a song about a whale.
No ! This is a song about being happy.
That's right.
It's the Happy Happy Joy Joy song.
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy I don't think you're happy enough.
That's right.
I'Il teach you to be happy.
I'Il teach your grandmother to suck eggs ! Now, boys and girls, let's try it again.
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy If'n you ain't the granddaddy of all liars ! The little critters of nature, they don't know that they're ugly.
That's very funny a fly marrying a bumble bee.
I told ya I'd shoot but you didn't believe me ! Why didn't you believe me ?! Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy ( steaming ) ( shattering glass ) Ren, you, you're angry ? You're darn tootin' I'm angry ! I've never been this angry in my entire life ! Hey I feel great ! I love being angry ! Thank you, Stimpy.
Happy to be of service ? ( echoing laughter ) It's time for "ask Dr.
Stupid" with your host Dr.
Stupid.
Oh, hello there.
Doctor, here's a letter from Jennifer, from bent armpit, Wyoming.
And she asks: "dear Dr.
Stupid, "what is that ugly white slab in my can of beans ?" That's a very good question, Jennifer.
I better put on my patented stupomitron helmet.
Prepare to activate.
The answer's simple really.
Jennifer, that ugly white slab in your can of beans is the queen bean ! And all the other beans are the worker beans that serve her.
Thank you Dr.
Stupid.
Tune in next time for "ask Dr.
Stupid".
comedy central Captioned by Soundwritersâ¢
Oh, please ! Huh ? Uh, all right, all right, sure.
All right, Stimpy, I'm losing my patience.
Let's get this over with ! Ahem, ladies and gents, I give you the cheese-o-phone.
Now we can talk to cheese anywhere in the world, regardless of their foreign tongues.
Eh, go ahead, Ren, say something in Limburger.
( screaming whistle ) Will you hurry so I can finish my paper ? ( clattering ) Check this out, Ren.
It's the remote control shaver.
Now you can get a clean, close shave without even being there.
Observe.
( buzzing ) That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard ! You-- ( buzzing ) You here, Ren, for you ! Oh, what is it ? Go ahead, open it.
What are they ? They're my latest invention: stay-put socks.
They never fall down ! Say, now, that's a good idea.
Especially for those of us who don't wear clothes.
( squish ) Why, it's amazing ! How do they work ? They're full of glue ! ( bubbling ) I'm so glad you like them, Ren.
Wait here.
I'll go get the stay-put hat and raincoat.
You filthy swine ! I will kill you ! ( grunting ) Hey, what's the matter, Ren ? ( high-pitched grunting ) Say you don't suppose-- ( gasps ) He's unhappy ? I know now what I must do.
I must use my gift of invention to save Ren.
( electric sizzling ) ( hissing ) ( thundering ) ( buzzing ) ( bubbling ) ( hissing ) Hmm ( drilling ) Hmm ah ! ( jack hammering ) ( air driver ) Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-Hmm, mm-hmm.
( boing ) ( wheezy exhale ) ( electric sizzling ) ( buzzing ) ( bubbling ) Whew ! ( gulping ) ( clanking ) Eureka ! ( Stimpy ) Hey, Ren ! What ?! Are you feeling any better ? No, I'm not feeling any better ! Wait.
What are you up to ? Oh, nothing ! What have you got behind your back ? You're hiding something from me, aren't you ? What is it you're hiding ? All right, let's see it ! Okay, hand it over ! ( clanking ) Hey, what is this thing ? Get it off of me ! It's the happy helmet, Ren.
Now you'll always be happy ! And this is the remote control, and I use this dial to control how happy you are.
You sick little monkey ! Why, I oughta-- ( electronic buzz ) Reee hey, it works ! ( buzz ) Hey what's happening to me ?! No ! Got to fight it ! Eee ! ( maniacal laughing ) Can't lose control ! Will strong.
( distorted voice ) Bodyweak ! Whee ! Hah hah hah hah hah ! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ! ( voice echoing ) Stimpy, I'm so happy ! I must go do nice things ! Hee hee hee hee ! Hah hah hah hah ! ( creaking ) So happy ironing for Stimpy ! Hah hah hah hah hah ! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ! ( crunch ) Ah ha ha ha ha ha ! ( Ren ) I must do wonderful things for my best friend Stimpy ! Ooh joy ! Ah hah hah hah hah ! See how I love to clean filthy cat boxes ? ( scraping ) Hah hah hah hah hah ! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ( laughing ) ( crash ) ( horn toots ) ( honking ) Ren ! I've got a surprise for you ! Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Hey, maybe Ren is somewhere being sad.
I will make him happy again ! ( dinging ) Ren, oh, Ren boy, Ren, if you think you're happy now, wait'll you hear this ! It's a record of my favorite song ! It's called "happy happy joy joy !" ( strumming guitar ) ( man on record ) Hello, boys and girls.
This is your old pal Stinky Whizzleteats.
This is a song about a whale.
No ! This is a song about being happy.
That's right.
It's the Happy Happy Joy Joy song.
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy I don't think you're happy enough.
That's right.
I'Il teach you to be happy.
I'Il teach your grandmother to suck eggs ! Now, boys and girls, let's try it again.
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy If'n you ain't the granddaddy of all liars ! The little critters of nature, they don't know that they're ugly.
That's very funny a fly marrying a bumble bee.
I told ya I'd shoot but you didn't believe me ! Why didn't you believe me ?! Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy ( steaming ) ( shattering glass ) Ren, you, you're angry ? You're darn tootin' I'm angry ! I've never been this angry in my entire life ! Hey I feel great ! I love being angry ! Thank you, Stimpy.
Happy to be of service ? ( echoing laughter ) It's time for "ask Dr.
Stupid" with your host Dr.
Stupid.
Oh, hello there.
Doctor, here's a letter from Jennifer, from bent armpit, Wyoming.
And she asks: "dear Dr.
Stupid, "what is that ugly white slab in my can of beans ?" That's a very good question, Jennifer.
I better put on my patented stupomitron helmet.
Prepare to activate.
The answer's simple really.
Jennifer, that ugly white slab in your can of beans is the queen bean ! And all the other beans are the worker beans that serve her.
Thank you Dr.
Stupid.
Tune in next time for "ask Dr.
Stupid".
comedy central Captioned by Soundwritersâ¢