The Spectacular Spider-Man (2008) s01e06 Episode Script
The Invisible Hand
1
OCTAVIUS: It's not
that kind of suit,
Mr. O'Hirn.
You will never
be able to remove it.
But it's tough,
right, Doc?
Indeed. But your skin
will fuse to the armor,
a thick
titanium-resin armor.
A permanent change.
Is it me,
or is your boy tryin'
to talk my boy out of this?
Look, O'Hirn,
you'll be tough,
tough enough to bring down
you know who.
Then what's
the holdup?
[SCREAMING]
Better finish it, Otto.
You owe me a success,
no more flukes
like the Sandman.
I need super-mercenaries
I can mass-produce,
no matter how many thugs
we have to go through,
or how many doctors.
[SCREAMING]
What's with
the jungle look?
Ah, the animal
kingdom. Offers
many useful ideas.
That armor is
a part of him now,
a thick,
impenetrable hide.
The extras up top there
provide offensive
capabilities,
making him
unstoppable.
The good doctor
has his quirks,
but this
approaches competence.
Your Mr. Lincoln
will be pleased.
Ixnay. We don't ever
use the "L" word.
Call him "the Big Man."
What's goin' on?
HAMMERHEAD: Mind your
own business, O'Hirn!
Right. My business.
Better get to it,
then.
'Cause the Rhino don't wanna
keep Spider-Man waitin'!
[CAR ALARMS BLARING]
Livin' on the edge
Fighting crime
Spinning webs
Swingin' from
the highest ledge
He could leap
above our heads
Villains on the rise
And the city's victimized
Looking up
with no surprise
Arriving
in the speed of time
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
PUNK: Hit it! Go!
Help! Police!
Must be 2,000
in here. Score.
Yeah, and Spidey's
too busy poppin' big bads
to worry about us.
Ta-da!
Say my name, and I
magically appear.
Okay, you should fasten
your seat belt,
and you should pull over.
[STUTTERING]
Right. Okay. Yeah.
No way!
[SIREN WAILING]
Surf's up!
Yee-haw!
So, uh, guess it's
fall formal time in Midtown.
Pete ask you yet?
Pete says
he isn't going.
Tell you what.
Let me be your date.
I'll even dance.
You don't even
have to dance.
Plus, if you say yes,
I promise to stop asking.
Parker! I pay you
for front-page material.
This stuff belongs
back with the funnies.
So you don't
want 'em?
Not the point.
"What is the point?"
Here's the point!
Quit harassing
my secretary and get me
a page-one web-head blowout!
Trust me,
Mr. Jameson,
when Spidey
goes into action,
I'll be there.
Listen, you
insufferable whelp,
when you're publisher
You! Benny!
I said corned beef,
not pastrami!
What, you wanna
give me gas?
You're only
four years older.
When you're 70 and
I'm 66, uh, I'll seem
quite the catch.
[LAUGHS] All right.
I'll think about it.
That's great!
You won't regret it.
It's just a maybe!
Whoo-hoo!
I'm wearin' her down!
[LAUGHS] Goodness!
What's this?
It's a great day.
For starters,
I sold more pics.
Here's 90%
to pay the bills
and 10% for
my new-camera fund,
and that's not even
the best news.
I'm goin' to
the formal, Aunt May!
I got a date!
Almost for sure.
That's wonderful, Peter.
I had hoped
you'd change your mind,
so I took in
your uncle's tuxedo
to save you money
on a rental.
The corsage and car service
will be expensive enough.
Car service?
[GROANS] This'll barely
pay for the corsage.
Oh, what am I gonna do?
I can't ask Betty
to take the bus.
Betty? Who's Betty?
Miss Brant,
I'm May Parker,
Peter's aunt.
Might I buy you
a cup of coffee?
Well, it's official.
I'm goin' to the fall formal
with Glory Grant.
I can top that.
I'm almost definitely
going with Betty Brant.
[LAUGHS] Hey!
Grant, Brant.
Our girls rhyme!
[SCOFFS] Puny Parker's
got a date? Right!
You wouldn't
know her, Flash.
She's 20 years old
and hot.
Come on! At least
tell a good lie.
Bet you show up
without any date.
Or you don't
show up at all.
I'll take that bet.
Loser dresses as
a cheerleader for Halloween.
You're on!
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]Oh, look. My girl's
texting me now.
"Having coffee
with Aunt May."
Um, how old you say
your girl was?
[TEASING]
Uh, I gotta go.
No one goes up to the Bugle
without a pass, sir.
Make an exception.
Hit 22, please.
These don't work so good
on the little buttons.
Actually, uh,
22's already pressed.
[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]
So, you goin' to the Bugle?
Yeah. Your name
ain't Parker, is it?
[CHUCKLES] No point in
paying city prices
when there's
perfectly good
coffee here.
Oh, I do appreciate
a sensible girl.
[PEOPLE EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
Bring me Peter Parker!
What does that awful man
want with my nephew?
[WHISPERING]
Shh. We'll ask Peter later.
I ain't stupid.
Peter Parker takes all
the web-creep's pictures.
Gotta hurry,
before Aunt May
destroys everything.
Who do you
think you are?
Oh! Or what
do you think you are?
I'll give you 15 seconds
to write me a check
for these damages, or
[GASPING]
I mean, how may
I be of service?
Peter Parker!
[GROWLING] Now.
Parker? Parker,
the photographer?
Oh. Never
met the guy.
Uh, no address either.
Only makes contact
by e-mail.
What a fine, brave man
to protect my nephew
that way.
I'm glad Peter's found
such good people to work with,
but you're too old
for him, dear.
[BOTH GASP]
What do you think,
I'm stupid?
Well, you are
dressed stupid.
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTING]
Put me down!
It's for your own safety,
pickle puss.
What do you want
with Parker?
You. Just you.
And payback
for all the times
you took me down.
O'Hirn?Not anymore.
Call me Rhino!
Hey, watch it!
Glass doors
are expensive!
[GRUNTING]
Your goop's useless
now, creep.
SPIDER-MAN: First Marko
becomes Sandman,
and now this?
What's the Big Man's
next move,
turning Flash Thompson
into the Belligerent
Bug-Zapper?
If I can't stop
this bruiser,
maybe two feet
of concrete will.
[ROARING]
No!
[SIRENS WAILING]
[STRAINING]
[CHUCKLES]
Thrill ride.
Attention, Rhino.
Lay down flat
In your crater
and keep your hands
where we can see them!
You see 'em now?
[GRUNTING]
[SHOOTS WEB]
[METAL CREAKING]
This one's mine, Detective.
Hey, needle nose!
Party's over here!
[LAUGHS] You like
being hunted, freak?
Would you please
look who's talking?
Oh, I may be a freak,
but I'm not a coward!
Even the old O'Hirn
never ran away scared!
SPIDER-MAN:
I'm scared, all right.
Scared some bystander'll
get hurt.
Gotta lure Rawhide
someplace deserted.
Hurry up, hippo!
Whoa!
But where
do you find "deserted"
in a city of eight million?
[GROWLS] Stupid truck.
Made me lose spider-creep.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[GROANS]
That's gonna
leave a mark.
[GROANS]
This always works
in the cartoons.
[SIGHS] Television
so cannot be trusted.
[GRUNTS]
Remember what I did
to them bowlin' balls?
Wait. Wait!What?
Weight!
[EXCLAIMS]
Where'd you go?
[GLASS SHATTERS]
How's that
for confident?
He stops to satisfy
before smashing me.
Unless it's
not confidence.
Okay, break's over.
Ha! You missed.
[GRUNTS]
Over here, moose!
Let's play
follow the leader.
Think you can hide
from me down there?
Think again.
Whoo!
Hot enough for you?
Come on, you big lug.
Let's go for a run.
[ROARING]
[SCREAMING]
Can't help noticing
you've stopped
spoutin' off.
What's the matter?
Mouth a little dry?
[CAR ALARMS BLARING]
See, my mistake was
trying to crack open
that hide of yours.
Huh? Nothing
can do that.
[PANTING] Big Man's guys
told me I'm impenetrable!
Too true, and if
nothing can penetrate,
you can't perspire.
Your face is sweating
for your whole body.
It's probably enough
under most conditions,
but in a steam tunnel
[PANTING]
I gotta get out of here.
[GASPING]
Yeah. Good luck
with that.
[MOANING WEAKLY]
[GASPING]
Come one, come all!
Before your very eyes,
the world's largest
dehydrated turtle!
[PANTING] I swear
I'm gonna crush you.
Promised Big Man
I'd crush you.
Crush you!
Crush you
[WEAKLY] Crush you.
Are we losing it
a bit, Alexander?
Only Mama
calls me Alexander.
You're not my mama!
Not my mama.
[DELIRIOUSLY] Mama.
[CHUCKLES]
Yes, I think we are.
[WHINING] Mama,
do I have to
go to school?
So, Alexander,
tell Mama.
Who's the Big Man?
Ixnay. We don't ever
use the "B" word.
Call him Mr. Lincoln.
[GROANS]
You're gonna
need a crane.
HAMMERHEAD: I'm impressed.
Rhino's still underground,
and Oscorp's already
got the contract
to build his prison cell.
After our success
containing Sandman,
whom else
would the city call?
Meanin' you get paid
comin' and goin'.
Sweet.Very.
But these
Midtown brawls,
people are beginning
to ask questions.
Best to let things
cool off for a bit.
We cool off
when the Big Man
says so, see?
Or do you want people
to know who created
freak one and freak two?
Please. There's nothing
to trace them back
to Oscorp or myself.
Really? Tell that
to Dr. Octavius.
Hey, Dad,
great news.
I got straight A's
on my midterms,
I made the varsity
football team,
first string,
and I have a date
to tonight's fall formal
with one of
the hottest girls in
Harry, can't you see
I'm in a meeting? Get out.
Yes, sir. Sorry.
Didn't mean
to interrupt.
JAMESON: That wall-crawler's
as bad as the Rhino!
I'll sue him blind!
Is it, uh,
safe to come out yet?
[GASPS] Peter! Were you
here this whole time?
It's okay.
I was hiding.
I'm good at hiding.
I can also be
very heroic. Honest.
Could we talk
for a minute?
About tonight,
I can't go with you.
I'm too old for you,
and it's just too weird.
You think I'm weird?No, you're not weird, Peter.
It's weird.
I'm sorry.
Oh, dear.
How disappointing.
I imagine you need
some time alone.
I'll find my own way home.
PETER: Gotta make
something go right.
Uh, Mr. Foswell,
do you know anything
about a Mr. Lincoln?
Our 16th president?
Uh, not that Lincoln.
This one might also go
by the name "Big Man."
[SCOFFS] You must mean
L. Thompson Lincoln.
Yeah, a rumor surfaces
every few years
that he's some kind
of crime lord,
but, hey,
I checked it out.
Lincoln looks
a little odd,
but he's one
of the good guys,
a true philanthropist,
straight as they come.
Hey, if there is
a Big Man out there,
his name's not Lincoln.
[EXCLAIMING]
[THUDDING]
JAMESON: Ow.
[BOTH GRUNT]
I'm here to see
Mr. Lincoln.
Then you should
make an appointment.
But perhaps
we'll make an exception
for the hero of the day.
I am
L. Thompson Lincoln.
Please. You're the Big Man.
In my life, I've been
called many names.
My favorite
is Tombstone.
Back off.
I just took down
the Rhino.
A pale guy in a suit
doesn't stand
[SPUTTERS]
Don't move.
Just listen,
and I'll teach you
the facts of life.
The Big Man,
whomever he might be,
has nothing
against heroes.
No hero can
thwart enough crime
to dent his income.
But you,
you frighten criminals
off the street entirely
except when you're off
battling the likes
of the Rhino.
Then the Big Man's
profitable army
of petty thugs
think themselves beneath
the Spider-Man's notice.
So as long as I keep
fighting crime,
you'll keep making
bigger and badder
Now you're learning.
But there is a way out.
Come work for me.
You can still
save the world
like a good hero.
I'll even pay you.
All you have to remember
is to look the other way
on occasion.
On any occasion I choose.
I can't ever look
the other way again.
Let's finish this.
[SIGHS] If you insist.
[BUZZING]
Officers, Spider-Man
has trespassed
on my property,
assaulted my employees,
and threatened
my person.
Wait. You can't
listen to him.
He's the bad guy.
He's
[GRUNTING]
Freeze, Spider-Man!
You're under
No!
SPIDER-MAN: I never ran
from the cops before.
I mean, this reeks.
I've won
all the battles
and never came close
to winning the war.
But Tombstone
did make one mistake.
Now I know
there is a war.
So bring it on.
[CHUCKLES] See?
A perfect fit.
[SIGHING] But
what's the point?
Betty said no.
Gwen's not home.
I already lost
the bet to Flash.
Showing up alone would
just make it worse.
Well, then,
isn't it lucky that
Anna Watson's niece,
that sweet
Mary Jane,
is on her way over?
Miss Wonderful
Personality
[SHUDDERS]
is coming here?
Now?There she is.
Oh, my, what
a lovely dress.
Here. I bought
her corsage.
Couldn't afford
the limousine, but
[IN SHOCK]
You planned this?
Aunt May, you're
an evil mastermind!
[DOORBELL RINGING]Just answer
the door, dear.
[GASPS]
You mean you're
Mary Jane Watson?
[CHUCKLES] Face it, tiger.
You just hit
the jackpot.
OCTAVIUS: It's not
that kind of suit,
Mr. O'Hirn.
You will never
be able to remove it.
But it's tough,
right, Doc?
Indeed. But your skin
will fuse to the armor,
a thick
titanium-resin armor.
A permanent change.
Is it me,
or is your boy tryin'
to talk my boy out of this?
Look, O'Hirn,
you'll be tough,
tough enough to bring down
you know who.
Then what's
the holdup?
[SCREAMING]
Better finish it, Otto.
You owe me a success,
no more flukes
like the Sandman.
I need super-mercenaries
I can mass-produce,
no matter how many thugs
we have to go through,
or how many doctors.
[SCREAMING]
What's with
the jungle look?
Ah, the animal
kingdom. Offers
many useful ideas.
That armor is
a part of him now,
a thick,
impenetrable hide.
The extras up top there
provide offensive
capabilities,
making him
unstoppable.
The good doctor
has his quirks,
but this
approaches competence.
Your Mr. Lincoln
will be pleased.
Ixnay. We don't ever
use the "L" word.
Call him "the Big Man."
What's goin' on?
HAMMERHEAD: Mind your
own business, O'Hirn!
Right. My business.
Better get to it,
then.
'Cause the Rhino don't wanna
keep Spider-Man waitin'!
[CAR ALARMS BLARING]
Livin' on the edge
Fighting crime
Spinning webs
Swingin' from
the highest ledge
He could leap
above our heads
Villains on the rise
And the city's victimized
Looking up
with no surprise
Arriving
in the speed of time
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
Spectacular
Spectacular Spider-Man
PUNK: Hit it! Go!
Help! Police!
Must be 2,000
in here. Score.
Yeah, and Spidey's
too busy poppin' big bads
to worry about us.
Ta-da!
Say my name, and I
magically appear.
Okay, you should fasten
your seat belt,
and you should pull over.
[STUTTERING]
Right. Okay. Yeah.
No way!
[SIREN WAILING]
Surf's up!
Yee-haw!
So, uh, guess it's
fall formal time in Midtown.
Pete ask you yet?
Pete says
he isn't going.
Tell you what.
Let me be your date.
I'll even dance.
You don't even
have to dance.
Plus, if you say yes,
I promise to stop asking.
Parker! I pay you
for front-page material.
This stuff belongs
back with the funnies.
So you don't
want 'em?
Not the point.
"What is the point?"
Here's the point!
Quit harassing
my secretary and get me
a page-one web-head blowout!
Trust me,
Mr. Jameson,
when Spidey
goes into action,
I'll be there.
Listen, you
insufferable whelp,
when you're publisher
You! Benny!
I said corned beef,
not pastrami!
What, you wanna
give me gas?
You're only
four years older.
When you're 70 and
I'm 66, uh, I'll seem
quite the catch.
[LAUGHS] All right.
I'll think about it.
That's great!
You won't regret it.
It's just a maybe!
Whoo-hoo!
I'm wearin' her down!
[LAUGHS] Goodness!
What's this?
It's a great day.
For starters,
I sold more pics.
Here's 90%
to pay the bills
and 10% for
my new-camera fund,
and that's not even
the best news.
I'm goin' to
the formal, Aunt May!
I got a date!
Almost for sure.
That's wonderful, Peter.
I had hoped
you'd change your mind,
so I took in
your uncle's tuxedo
to save you money
on a rental.
The corsage and car service
will be expensive enough.
Car service?
[GROANS] This'll barely
pay for the corsage.
Oh, what am I gonna do?
I can't ask Betty
to take the bus.
Betty? Who's Betty?
Miss Brant,
I'm May Parker,
Peter's aunt.
Might I buy you
a cup of coffee?
Well, it's official.
I'm goin' to the fall formal
with Glory Grant.
I can top that.
I'm almost definitely
going with Betty Brant.
[LAUGHS] Hey!
Grant, Brant.
Our girls rhyme!
[SCOFFS] Puny Parker's
got a date? Right!
You wouldn't
know her, Flash.
She's 20 years old
and hot.
Come on! At least
tell a good lie.
Bet you show up
without any date.
Or you don't
show up at all.
I'll take that bet.
Loser dresses as
a cheerleader for Halloween.
You're on!
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]Oh, look. My girl's
texting me now.
"Having coffee
with Aunt May."
Um, how old you say
your girl was?
[TEASING]
Uh, I gotta go.
No one goes up to the Bugle
without a pass, sir.
Make an exception.
Hit 22, please.
These don't work so good
on the little buttons.
Actually, uh,
22's already pressed.
[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]
So, you goin' to the Bugle?
Yeah. Your name
ain't Parker, is it?
[CHUCKLES] No point in
paying city prices
when there's
perfectly good
coffee here.
Oh, I do appreciate
a sensible girl.
[PEOPLE EXCLAIM IN SURPRISE]
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
Bring me Peter Parker!
What does that awful man
want with my nephew?
[WHISPERING]
Shh. We'll ask Peter later.
I ain't stupid.
Peter Parker takes all
the web-creep's pictures.
Gotta hurry,
before Aunt May
destroys everything.
Who do you
think you are?
Oh! Or what
do you think you are?
I'll give you 15 seconds
to write me a check
for these damages, or
[GASPING]
I mean, how may
I be of service?
Peter Parker!
[GROWLING] Now.
Parker? Parker,
the photographer?
Oh. Never
met the guy.
Uh, no address either.
Only makes contact
by e-mail.
What a fine, brave man
to protect my nephew
that way.
I'm glad Peter's found
such good people to work with,
but you're too old
for him, dear.
[BOTH GASP]
What do you think,
I'm stupid?
Well, you are
dressed stupid.
[GRUNTS]
[GRUNTING]
Put me down!
It's for your own safety,
pickle puss.
What do you want
with Parker?
You. Just you.
And payback
for all the times
you took me down.
O'Hirn?Not anymore.
Call me Rhino!
Hey, watch it!
Glass doors
are expensive!
[GRUNTING]
Your goop's useless
now, creep.
SPIDER-MAN: First Marko
becomes Sandman,
and now this?
What's the Big Man's
next move,
turning Flash Thompson
into the Belligerent
Bug-Zapper?
If I can't stop
this bruiser,
maybe two feet
of concrete will.
[ROARING]
No!
[SIRENS WAILING]
[STRAINING]
[CHUCKLES]
Thrill ride.
Attention, Rhino.
Lay down flat
In your crater
and keep your hands
where we can see them!
You see 'em now?
[GRUNTING]
[SHOOTS WEB]
[METAL CREAKING]
This one's mine, Detective.
Hey, needle nose!
Party's over here!
[LAUGHS] You like
being hunted, freak?
Would you please
look who's talking?
Oh, I may be a freak,
but I'm not a coward!
Even the old O'Hirn
never ran away scared!
SPIDER-MAN:
I'm scared, all right.
Scared some bystander'll
get hurt.
Gotta lure Rawhide
someplace deserted.
Hurry up, hippo!
Whoa!
But where
do you find "deserted"
in a city of eight million?
[GROWLS] Stupid truck.
Made me lose spider-creep.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[GROANS]
That's gonna
leave a mark.
[GROANS]
This always works
in the cartoons.
[SIGHS] Television
so cannot be trusted.
[GRUNTS]
Remember what I did
to them bowlin' balls?
Wait. Wait!What?
Weight!
[EXCLAIMS]
Where'd you go?
[GLASS SHATTERS]
How's that
for confident?
He stops to satisfy
before smashing me.
Unless it's
not confidence.
Okay, break's over.
Ha! You missed.
[GRUNTS]
Over here, moose!
Let's play
follow the leader.
Think you can hide
from me down there?
Think again.
Whoo!
Hot enough for you?
Come on, you big lug.
Let's go for a run.
[ROARING]
[SCREAMING]
Can't help noticing
you've stopped
spoutin' off.
What's the matter?
Mouth a little dry?
[CAR ALARMS BLARING]
See, my mistake was
trying to crack open
that hide of yours.
Huh? Nothing
can do that.
[PANTING] Big Man's guys
told me I'm impenetrable!
Too true, and if
nothing can penetrate,
you can't perspire.
Your face is sweating
for your whole body.
It's probably enough
under most conditions,
but in a steam tunnel
[PANTING]
I gotta get out of here.
[GASPING]
Yeah. Good luck
with that.
[MOANING WEAKLY]
[GASPING]
Come one, come all!
Before your very eyes,
the world's largest
dehydrated turtle!
[PANTING] I swear
I'm gonna crush you.
Promised Big Man
I'd crush you.
Crush you!
Crush you
[WEAKLY] Crush you.
Are we losing it
a bit, Alexander?
Only Mama
calls me Alexander.
You're not my mama!
Not my mama.
[DELIRIOUSLY] Mama.
[CHUCKLES]
Yes, I think we are.
[WHINING] Mama,
do I have to
go to school?
So, Alexander,
tell Mama.
Who's the Big Man?
Ixnay. We don't ever
use the "B" word.
Call him Mr. Lincoln.
[GROANS]
You're gonna
need a crane.
HAMMERHEAD: I'm impressed.
Rhino's still underground,
and Oscorp's already
got the contract
to build his prison cell.
After our success
containing Sandman,
whom else
would the city call?
Meanin' you get paid
comin' and goin'.
Sweet.Very.
But these
Midtown brawls,
people are beginning
to ask questions.
Best to let things
cool off for a bit.
We cool off
when the Big Man
says so, see?
Or do you want people
to know who created
freak one and freak two?
Please. There's nothing
to trace them back
to Oscorp or myself.
Really? Tell that
to Dr. Octavius.
Hey, Dad,
great news.
I got straight A's
on my midterms,
I made the varsity
football team,
first string,
and I have a date
to tonight's fall formal
with one of
the hottest girls in
Harry, can't you see
I'm in a meeting? Get out.
Yes, sir. Sorry.
Didn't mean
to interrupt.
JAMESON: That wall-crawler's
as bad as the Rhino!
I'll sue him blind!
Is it, uh,
safe to come out yet?
[GASPS] Peter! Were you
here this whole time?
It's okay.
I was hiding.
I'm good at hiding.
I can also be
very heroic. Honest.
Could we talk
for a minute?
About tonight,
I can't go with you.
I'm too old for you,
and it's just too weird.
You think I'm weird?No, you're not weird, Peter.
It's weird.
I'm sorry.
Oh, dear.
How disappointing.
I imagine you need
some time alone.
I'll find my own way home.
PETER: Gotta make
something go right.
Uh, Mr. Foswell,
do you know anything
about a Mr. Lincoln?
Our 16th president?
Uh, not that Lincoln.
This one might also go
by the name "Big Man."
[SCOFFS] You must mean
L. Thompson Lincoln.
Yeah, a rumor surfaces
every few years
that he's some kind
of crime lord,
but, hey,
I checked it out.
Lincoln looks
a little odd,
but he's one
of the good guys,
a true philanthropist,
straight as they come.
Hey, if there is
a Big Man out there,
his name's not Lincoln.
[EXCLAIMING]
[THUDDING]
JAMESON: Ow.
[BOTH GRUNT]
I'm here to see
Mr. Lincoln.
Then you should
make an appointment.
But perhaps
we'll make an exception
for the hero of the day.
I am
L. Thompson Lincoln.
Please. You're the Big Man.
In my life, I've been
called many names.
My favorite
is Tombstone.
Back off.
I just took down
the Rhino.
A pale guy in a suit
doesn't stand
[SPUTTERS]
Don't move.
Just listen,
and I'll teach you
the facts of life.
The Big Man,
whomever he might be,
has nothing
against heroes.
No hero can
thwart enough crime
to dent his income.
But you,
you frighten criminals
off the street entirely
except when you're off
battling the likes
of the Rhino.
Then the Big Man's
profitable army
of petty thugs
think themselves beneath
the Spider-Man's notice.
So as long as I keep
fighting crime,
you'll keep making
bigger and badder
Now you're learning.
But there is a way out.
Come work for me.
You can still
save the world
like a good hero.
I'll even pay you.
All you have to remember
is to look the other way
on occasion.
On any occasion I choose.
I can't ever look
the other way again.
Let's finish this.
[SIGHS] If you insist.
[BUZZING]
Officers, Spider-Man
has trespassed
on my property,
assaulted my employees,
and threatened
my person.
Wait. You can't
listen to him.
He's the bad guy.
He's
[GRUNTING]
Freeze, Spider-Man!
You're under
No!
SPIDER-MAN: I never ran
from the cops before.
I mean, this reeks.
I've won
all the battles
and never came close
to winning the war.
But Tombstone
did make one mistake.
Now I know
there is a war.
So bring it on.
[CHUCKLES] See?
A perfect fit.
[SIGHING] But
what's the point?
Betty said no.
Gwen's not home.
I already lost
the bet to Flash.
Showing up alone would
just make it worse.
Well, then,
isn't it lucky that
Anna Watson's niece,
that sweet
Mary Jane,
is on her way over?
Miss Wonderful
Personality
[SHUDDERS]
is coming here?
Now?There she is.
Oh, my, what
a lovely dress.
Here. I bought
her corsage.
Couldn't afford
the limousine, but
[IN SHOCK]
You planned this?
Aunt May, you're
an evil mastermind!
[DOORBELL RINGING]Just answer
the door, dear.
[GASPS]
You mean you're
Mary Jane Watson?
[CHUCKLES] Face it, tiger.
You just hit
the jackpot.