The Trouble with Maggie Cole (2020) s01e06 Episode Script
Episode 6
1
(Phone rings)
Will you get that?
(Phone continues to ring)
(He groans)
Hello?
- I didn't wake you, did I?
-No, if's fine.
I didn't get off for hours,
50 I probably would have overslept
if you hadn't rung me at
7:00am.
OK, good.
I didn't sleep very well, either.
You know, that's the first night in 30 years
that we haven't shared the bed together.
Well, except for that time
when we thought you had chicken pox.
And it turned out that you were allergic
to the new detergent I'd bought.
I am so sorry, Peter.
I don't mean about the detergent.
Cos, in fairness,
that was an expensive brand,
- So, it wasn't as if I'd
- Maggie
I'm the one who should be sorry.
I just
needed some time.
Yeah, I know.
[ Know,
Well, now
.you've spared me from hurt and worry
and concern
and how could I do anything
but love you for it?
Thank you.
Just don't ever keep any secrets
.from me again, OK?
Oh, look, Maggie,
when are you coming home?
There's something I really need to
Mm! Argh!
Goddamn!
That is hot!
Will you do something for me?
Yeah, anything.
I need you to meet us in the village
at about 11 o'clock.
You and Jamie.
And make sure he doesn't slick his hair.
It makes him look like
-.a game show host.
- What are you talking about?
It's the big anniversary celebrations
- .today, isn't it?
- (He groans)
And I just think we should be there,
all together.
Maggie
Please?
(He sighs)
Yeah, of course.
We'll be there.
Thanks.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Aw, that was nice.
It was also loud!
Particularly the scream,
for seven o'clock on a Saturday morning.
- Well, the coffee was hot!
- Well, that's coffee for you, Maggie.
I mean, for goodness' sake,
as important as it is that you two spoke,
who on earth makes phone calls at?
(Phone rings)
Like mother like son”?
Tell me something I don't know.
Hiya.
So
What football team do you support?
Er, all of them.
Right.
Morning.
Do you
.want to tell me what happened last night?
- Where is my money, Kelly?!
- He won't leave!
- Mummy!
- Where is it?
We burned it.
- What?!
- Please, let me talk to Josh!
- Mummy.
-Hey
Hey, Josh, are you OK?
I'm OK.
I wasn't scared.
Roxy, are you there?
I'm here, yes.
Take me off speaker.
OK.
We're gonna come home tonight.
We can't drive, Kelly.
We've both had a drink.
Just
We'll just get a taxi.
No, no, it's fine.
He's gone.
Er, I'll take Josh back to mine.
Just come back when
Kelly
Is it true?
Yes.
You're not gonna tell anyone, are you?
Like I said, I heard a noise.
I thought it was someone breaking in.
But it was nothing.
I just got spooked, that's all.
Mm.
JILL: Morning.
Sorry again that we didn't end up
at my place last night.
Ah, that's fine.
You were pretty distracted.
-Mm.
- And you obviously still are.
Shouldn't you be dressed by now?
Aren't we all meant
to be playing the pan pipes
- and dancing round the maypole in a bit?
- I don't think I want to go.
What are you talking about?
You organised the whole thing.
No, I didn't.
Maggie did.
I just stole I
.to punish her.
- If I'd known what I know now
- You are sure about what you saw?
- There couldn't be another explanation?
- Like what?
That she was checking out his bridgework
with her tongue?
No, Marcus, I know what I saw.
And I have to tell her, don't I?
How can I not?
Despite everything that's happened, she's
was still my best friend.
Come here.
(Buster barks)
- Not you, you berk!
-Its all right.
There's room for both of us.
Well, we're gonna go to the festivities,
all right?
Whether you stole them or not,
you have to see it through.
And go and see Maggie after.
Talk to her then.
- I'll come with you.
- Will you?
I suppose I'll have to,
now I've said it out loud.
Right, I'll make you a cuppa,
then we'll get going.
Work in progress.
Don't jinx it.
Sorry!
Buster, guard!
Is it all right if we can hang out for a bit?
- We're meeting someone before we head off.
-It's a public house.
Alright?
Alright?
Don't talk to the punters.
You're kitchen staff.
I like outranking him.
Didn't they say they were checking out
this morning?
They are.
They have.
They're not doing a very good job of it
- Apparently, they're meeting someone.
- Meeting who?
Never you mind, rookie.
It's beyond your pay grade.
Your place is at the sink.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, yeah.
It's funny sleeping in my old room again.
Yeah, I imagine it's a lot smaller
than you remember.
Not really, Dad.
I was 22 when I moved out.
And you haven't grown any more since then?
Honestly, it's like you're just not frying!
Listen, Dad
Er, thanks, yeah
- for, erm..for last night.
- Well, I'm glad you were here.
You're not the only one
who needed reassuring
- that everything's gonna be all right.
- Do you think it will be?
You don't think things have changed,
do you?
What do you mean, changed?
Between me and Mum.
(Telephone rings)
Hammer House of Horror.
Yep, we are.
Yep, yep, no, we're just about to head out.
Yeah.
No, looks fine.
Of course you can.
Mum?
Em..I love you, too.
Oh, well, we'll see you there.
Say again.
Yeah, it looks fine.
All right, bye, Mum.
Bye.
See?
Nothing's changed.
(He sighs)
Oh, I bought you that, didn't I?
Er, yeah, last Christmas.
- The Christmas before, actually.
- Mm.
- I've been saving it for a special occasion.
- Ah, right.
And today qualifies for that, does it?
What, you and me
going to a village fete together willingly?
I don't know about special,
but it's definitely an occasion.
- Mm, I suppose it is.
- Well, just don't get too used to it, OK?
Heaven forbid.
Are you OK?
Better, yeah.
Yeah.
You?
Yeah, I will be.
I tell you what, though, I'll be glad when this
sodding anniversary business is finally over.
Bloody William the Conqueror.
I'm sick of him!
(Marcus groans)
This is ridiculous!
There's your house again, look.
We might as well get out.
It's pointless us both doing laps.
Yeah, OK.
I need to get changed, anyway.
I look like a primary school teacher.
Oh, Marcus, how come you told me
you were still on your first chapter?
I saw the number at the top.
You've done, like, 100 pages.
Yes, well
.that one that you saw
is not the one I'm supposed to be writing.
That's one I started a few days ago.
- Slightly different genre.
- (Car horn beeps)
Yes, all right!
What do you mean, different genre?
- Romantic fiction.
- (She scoffs)
Hey, don't knock it.
100 pages in a week,
that's a record for me.
Who'd have thought that falling in love
would be such a good cure for writer's block?
Wait, what did you say?
Em
I don't know.
| 'say a lot of things.
I'm a babbler.
(Car horn beeps)
Yes!
Right, go and grab a spot.
I find you.
MAN: Alex Myer.
You've still got family here, haven't ya?
Mum and little brother, innit?
Oh, and, er..
Grandma,
(He starts the engine)
(Bell rings)
MAGGIE: Strawhenge.
- It's a good idea, isn't it?
- BECKA: Yeah.
Erm, look, if you want to walk
a few steps behind me, I would understand.
Really?
- Are you sure you don't mind?
- Well, you know, if you
Come on!
I'll give Jamie a ring,
find out where they are.
You!
PETER: Hm, good turnout.
Lots of, erNormany people.
Normany.
Normany or Saxon.
-No
- Excuse me.
- Er, nice day for it!
- Ah!
Hello, Jamie!
Oh, I haven't seen you
since the big news, have I?
Oh, congratulations!
Thank you!
PETER: Right, well
- Quickly just, er
- Your father will make a wonderful grandad.
He'll spoil her rotten.
Oh, well, we don't know
if it's gonna be a boy or a girl yet, so
- Oh, I hope it's a girl.
- Sure.
Well, I mean, it's, er
We'll be happy either way.
Oh, of course we will.
- Well, as I say, er, we'd better just
- (Phone rings)
Leave it.
Leave it, they'll ring back.
- They'll ring back.
- It's Becks. Sorry, two seconds.
Yes, OK.
Bye, Jamie.
-No, don't go.
- Oh, love to Becka.
What do you think you're doing?
- What do you mean?
- Maggie's here. As in here, now.
-I'm on my way to meet her.
- Oh, I understand.
Do you?
Call me after
JAMIE: They're over on the other side.
Hello, Dad.
- Becks and Mum.
- Yeah, all right, yeah.
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
(Bell rings)
Finally, at last
Hey, what the f?
Hey!
(He kisses his teeth)
This bloody village!
- (Phone rings)
- Alex?
I never wanted to hurt you or Josh.
You do know that, don't you?
- Where are you?
- They threatened my family, Rox.
Look, I don't understand any of this,
I don't understand what's going on with you
or Kelly or Neil or any of you.
But if someone is threatening you,
your family,
Alex, you have to call the police.
I'm way beyond that now.
I stole thousand of pounds
off my own nan, Roxy.
These people aren't exactly payday loans,
you know?
Like, I was way beyond that, too.
If I hand myself in or if I run..
Believe me, I came close.
It won't stop them.
They'll come after Mum or Liam
or maybe even you.
I need to do the right thing.
What do you mean?
I'm meeting them now at The Conqueror,
I'm gonna tell them
[ don't have their money.
That it's gone and they need
to leave everyone else out of this.
It's all on me.
Alex, what are they going to do?
I'm sorry, Roxy
for everything.
I need you to know that.
Alex!
Keep an eye on Josh for me.
- What? Wait! What are you?
-I won't be long.
I want the police.
Can I have one of these?
Ah, 28 pence!
Hi, Jill.
Hey, there.
Hi.
Hi, Helen.
(She clears her throat)
No, OK.
Oh, look
Aw
Oh!
Oh, Emil! Emil
This is no way to treat classic literature.
Classic literature?
Hal
(She clears her throat)
Oh, yes, Roxanna did tell me
that you and, erm
Its OK.
I'm sure Marcus'd turn his nose up
at the word classic, too.
And literature, probably.
He's a very nice man.
He's always very friendly.
- I'm really happy for you.
- Thank you.
Is everything OK?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine.
What are you putting them
all out here for anyway?
Footfall. Plenty of people
out and about in the village today.
These things
haven't stopped selling since
Well, you know.
It's been a strange couple of weeks,
hasn't it, Emil?
Oh, very.
- [I see you later.
- Yeah, bye-bye, Jill.
Oh!
Erm, you do know it's meant to rain today,
yeah?
No, I did not.
Sorry.
(Thunder rumbles)
You're cutting it close.
I don't have it.
Did you ever?
Does it matter?
No, I suppose it doesn't.
And in away, I'm pleased.
See, we've got a few little jobs on the side
that we need taking care of.
High-risk, big reward.
The risk part
.being yours.
Whatever it takes.
That's the spirit.
Shall we go?
Alright?
- What are you doing here?
- [work here.
What's going on?
It's OK, let him go.
You were right all along, Liam.
- I was never the good one at all.
- What are you talking about?
Alex, who are these people?
How do you know them?
Liam, listen to me.
I need you to take care of Mum.
What?
I'll be back.
I will.
But [ just [ need you to promise me
that you'll take care of her.
Yeah, all right, I think he gets it.
I think they all do.
I think they're all gonna be smart, stand still
and count to 100 and something, aren't ya?
What did I just say?!
What a silly, silly boy.
(He sighs heavily)
Mail?lie
-Hi.
- I didn't think you'd be here.
Well, it's the village celebrations, and
Yeah.
(Thunder rumbles)
Oh, yeah, I'll just
The procession's really good.
It's much better than a float, isn't it?
The clouds are a bit ominous.
Still, a little bit of rain
.won't hurt.
It'll be more authentic.
Look, Jill, can I just say?
Maggie, don't.
Don't apologise again, please.
- You're only gonna make this even harder.
- Make what harder?
Maggie
I need to tell you something.
Well?
Oh
(He chuckles)
This gets better and better.
Is that thing even real?
I'm pretty sure it's real.
It is real.
You're not taking my brother.
Don't be an idiot.
You're not gonna fire that thing.
-Hm?
- If anything
.you look as though
you're gonna pass out.
Put the gun
.down.
Jesus, Liam, put it down.
Listen to your big brother, eh?
Liam, please
Attaboy!
- (Gunshot)
- Argh!
Let's get out of here.
MARCUS: Ah, finally
Give me the bloody keys!
Oi! Hey!
Come on.
Get in the car, quick.
Goon, let's go!
BECKA: There you are!
- You missed the grand procession.
- Well, you know what they say.
Once you've seen one two-foot Norman army
marching through a village, you've seen it all.
Hm.
(Thunder rumbles)
- Where's Mum?
- Over there, talking to Jill.
Oh, for God's sake,
can she not take one day off?
MAGGIE: You hate me that much?
Oh, Maggie, no!
It wasn't enough that you took all this
from me? That wasn't enough?
It's not about that.
I swear to you, I'm telling you the truth.
No, you're not!
Maggie, listen
Oh, great, now what's happening?
Maggie, wait, please!
{Tyres squeal)
Oh, Jill!
(Bell rings)
MAGGIE: Oh!
Don't move her!
This is all my fault!
Don't be silly!
Just come here, come here, come here.
It's OK.
Roxy!
Roxy!
(Siren wails)
- Who is it?
- It's Jill.
Jill?
Jill Wheadon?
- Roxy, where's Josh?
- He's with my dad. He's safe.
Control, we're going to need
an ambulance here.
Are you hurt?
Injured?
Nah.
Just a bit in shock, you know?
What about you?
Yeah, what he said.
I think it'd be good
if we get you both out of the vehicle.
Do you think you can manage that?
Sure.
They've got a gun!
- Get off me!
- Calm down, sir.
I really don't think a medieval army's
gonna be much help here,
Mrs Bainbridge, do you?
(Siren wails in the distance)
ALEX: Ambulance, yeah,
And come quickly.
The pub, Thurlbury.
You'll be OK.
Yeah.
(Sirens wail)
Liam
Liam
I'm gonna go to prison.
- You're not gonna go to prison.
-I am.
Hey
Soft lad, you're not going to prison.
He's been shot.
Go and check outside.
They tried
They tried to rob us.
Who did?
Two blokes,
they've been staying here all week.
My boyfriend, he tackled them and nearly
managed to get the gun away from them.
And my boss Brian
.he saved my life.
He's a hero.
- Mum, what are you doing?
-I'm going with her.
MARCUS: No, you're not!
Look, I'll call you, OK?
As soon as I know anything.
(She sighs)
This is
.all my fault.
Maggie, will you stop saying that?
But we were fighting'
She said you were having an affair
with Karen.
She said she saw you kissing.
She saw that?
- What?
-Oh
What?
No, no.
No!
Oh, God
No, I don't mean to
I'm not having an affair with her.
You know, she did
.she did kiss me last night at work.
Completely out of the blue.
Nearly gave me a heart attack.
In a bad way, obviously.
Not like a good
.heart attack.
Look, Maggie, I promised I would never keep
a secret from you again, and I meant it.
I was gonna tell you this, all of it, today.
- I was just waiting for the right moment.
- Well, you
.certainly picked a good one.
You do believe me, don't you?
Yes, of course I do, you idiot.
- Absolutely!
- Huh? What?
Er, yeah, sorry.
Yeah, of course I believe you, Dad.
I do, I just
don't really understand it.
What do you mean? Your father
is a very attractive man for his age.
Erm, thank you.
- Well, you are.
- Look, there is something else.
You know, the story in the paper.
The one about Jamie.
- She did that.
- What?
She is completely deranged.
She thought it would drive a wedge
between us or something.
I don't know.
The website forum stuff,
that was all her, too.
Is there
.anything else?
She bought me fish and chips.
Er, maybe we should talk about this
somewhere else.
Yeah, it's probably better that
Maggie
Oh, shit!
We might be needing
to call that ambulance back.
Hi, is everything?
What 7
- You kissed my husband.
- What?!
You went to the paper and you gave them
the story about my son, about Jamie.
You scuttled around on the internet
leaving poisonous little messages
about us.
About our family.
And you actually thought for one second
that you could hurt my marriage?
An atomic bomb
couldn't hurt my marriage, Karen!
I think you'll be needing a new secretary.
What?!
- BRIAN: I can't go to the hospital.
- SYD: You can.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Trust me.
Alright..
- Where's Alex?
- He's talking to the police.
He's all right.
Everyone's all right.
Aren't you the couple
who won the lottery?
Yeah, they are.
Some people have all the luck, eh?
Alex!
It was an attempted robbery but, apparently,
they've been picked up, 50
Could you call Mum for me?
Tell her we have to give them a statement,
but that we'll be home soon.
Tell her everything's gonna be OK.
Oh, it's been two hours.
It's not like she's gone to the cinema,
Maggie.
You know, it'll take as long as it takes.
No news is good news.
I don't think I've ever believed that.
Really?
Read any papers lately?
Huh.
Good point.
Mm
I should really come up here more often.
This is, er
It's quite something, isn't it?
I can see why you like it.
The whole kingdom spread out before you.
And you up here.
Maggie Cole
.queen of the castle.
- Keep.
- Keep.
- (Phone rings)
- Mm, not now!
Oh, Peter, Peter, Peter!
-Where is it? Where is it?
- It's in that one.
Oh, it's Marcus.
Hello, Marcus.
What's happened?
Yep, OK.
We're on our way.
Here we go.
One sec.
Move your feet for me.
Right, put him on the bed.
Yeah, great.
Softly, and three..
- Sorry.
- Argh!
That's it.
- Sorry.
-Its all right.
We're doing all right.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.
- Oh, is this your daughter?
- His wife, actually.
Right, er
Well, the buzzer's here
if you need anything.
So, erm, [I just leave you to, erm
What?
I wanted rid of her.
There is, erm There's a couple of officers
waiting to talk to you.
Get a statement.
Take your details.
So, come on, then, what is the prognosis?
Em
It was lodged under the clavicle.
There's no muscle damage,
no nerve damage.
- They got it out, stitched me up.
- Well, you look fine, anyway.
Unlike the guy in the room next door.
I don't know what is wrong with him,
but he's flat out unconscious
with a head like a watermelon.
About your size and build, though.
It's a nice room, this.
Wasted on a non-smoker like you.
I bet people are always sneaking out
for a crafty fag.
Thank you.
You will ring me, won't you?
I promise.
Cos, I mean, if nothing else
.I am gonna need a reference, cos I'm
.kind of out of a job now.
(He sighs heavily)
Maggie?
Sydney
What is it? What's wrong?
Brian's gone.
- Gone?
- Oh, for God's sake, he's not dead.
-Oh.
- He's gone.
At least, I hope he has.
Look, come back here.
- SHE WHISPERS: Brian got shot.
-LOUDLY: Shot?!
What do you mean, shot?
Shot by who?
Well, not by gangsters,
if that's what you're thinking.
Mind you,
I suppose they were a bit gangster-ish.
They weren't there for him,
they were there for Alex.
Alex?
JEZ: Yeah, yeah.
Nah. They're being a right bunch
of bloody jobsworths, as usual.
A couple of coppers in reception, though.
I'll just follow them up if I have to.
Just chill, will you?
You'll have it by five.
Dickhead.
- Al right?
- Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, just, er
Your voice sounds so familiar.
Jez Crosby, Coastland FM.
Er, on digital and across the county.
Here, hold this, will you, mate?
Yeah
It's all been kicking off
up in Thurlbury today.
World War bloody III
by the sounds of it.
It'll all be on the six o'clock.
You're the one that broke
the whole radiogate thing, aren't you?
Oh, yeah.
Mrs Gob Almighty.
Trended number three in the country,
you know.
Yeah, I know it did.
And, er
I'm Mr Gob Almighty.
Bye, Sydney.
Take care of yourself.
Maggie?
Oh
Oh, Marcus, is she in there?
Can I see her?
They've just given her some sedatives,
Maggie.
Please
Mm.
I, erm
.didn't get a chance to say before, but, er
- .big fan.
- Oh, right.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
(Monitors beep steadily)
Oh, God
Would you
like a sweet?
- Red or yellow?
-It's OK.
I'll pass.
I know you weren't lying to me..
.About what you saw.
Peter's told me everything.
But it's not what it seems.
It's not what you think.
It's not
.important right now.
None of that is important right now.
I did this.
I did this to you.
I may not have been the one
driving the car, but
.you're still here because of me.
Small village life.
Rumours, gossip, whispers.
Thinking you know everybody's business.
Thinking you've got a right to
Just telling yourself it's just words.
Isn't it?
That's all, just words.
But it's like
.ripples on a pond.
You throw in one little stone and
Oh, God
There was
.an incident at the pub.
Some men were looking for Alex.
They found him through Roxy,
through a picture of her
.that was in the papers that I caused.
They got hold of a gun.
A gun!
That Alex's brother found when he was
hunting around in the pub
for evidence of a stupid far-fetched rumour
that I started.
Then they fled the scene,
nicked a car
.and hit you.
Jill, you're
You're only here because of me.
If I'd never done that interview
if I'd never said those things,
none of this would ever,
ever have happened.
It's never just words.
I am so, so sorry, Jill.
(Door opens)
Excuse me, I'm just collecting.
You haven't taken them.
You really should.
Please.
Thank you.
You're awake.
Well, just resting my eyes.
I do have a bit of a headache, you know.
- Jill, 1.
- Maggie, shut up.
I forgive you.
Alright?
For everything.
And I don't know what the hell all that
about stolen cars and guns was about
or why you think I wouldn't be here
if you hadn't done that stupid radio interview.
But
. know what would have happened
if you hadn't.
I wouldn't have met the man
I fell in love with.
Wait
What did you just say?
I don't know.
| 'say a lot of things.
I'm a babbler.
Do you mind?
I think we're having a bit of a moment here.
I've just taken some pretty strong sedatives,
50 I think time's a bit short.
Yes, of course.
Yes, right.
Right
- Well, is everything all right?
- Yes, everything is brilliant!
- She forgives me.
- OK, that's not what I meant, but
What?
Oh, no, no, no, she's fine.
She's strong as an ox.
She'll be back on her feet in no time.
But she forgives me, Peter.
We can be friends again.
Everything's gonna be OK!
Actually, it really is, isn't it?
We've done it.
I've made things right with each and every
Oh
Two secs.
Em
Sorry to interrupt, but, erm,
Marcus, can I just?
Apology accepted, Maggie, OK?
Brilliant! Oh, thanks very much!
Thanks very much'
As you were.
I have made things right
with each and every one of them.
Great!
Well done.
I think we can go home now.
Jill and Marcus,
what a perfect couple, eh?
At last, I can be happy for them.
Not that I wasn't happy for them before,
but, you know
We should have them over for dinner.
Yeah, well, let's wait
until she can walk again first, all right?
Now what?
Oh, don't sound all long-suffering,
cos it will spoil what I'm about to say.
Well, what were you about to say?
I was about to say,
would it be hugely inappropriate to kiss you
in the middle of a hospital corridor?
Oh, right, sorry.
Er, well, go on, say it, then.
Would it be hugely inappropriate to kiss you
in the middle of a hospital corridor?
-Very.
-Oh.
Mm
- I love you.
-Hm
I love you, too.
Can we go home now, please?
No, I don't want to go home.
Where do you want to go, then?
Em
- MAGGIE: Happy birthday, Thurlbury.
- PETER: Yep.
Yep.
Happy birthday.
Er, let's not do it again for another 500 years,
though, OK?
Deal.
So, Peter, is Karen a good kisser, then,
or what?
Ah
Really?
Ah, come on, we're all thinking it.
Well, answer the question.
Oh, God
You two really have to stop
spending time with each other.
Well, if you must know
.she was awful.
Even worse than Mrs Bainbridge.
Mrs Bainbridge?
Exactly how many women have you been
smooching with behind my back?
Er, just the two.
It was at the Christmas party.
I went for the check and she did that whole
turning her head at the last minute thing.
-Oh
- Did she?
Not entirely surprising.
The woman is insatiable.
You know she's been having a fling
with that lad from the Co-op?
- The one with the green hair.
- For God's sake, Mum!
- Come on, Maggie
- What?
No, it's true.
No, that actually is true.
You are incorrigible.
No, a friend of a friend told me,
50 I know it's true.
You've done it all
You've broken every code
And pulled the rebel to the floor
Ba-ba ba-ha ba-ba ba-ba ba-ha ba-ha
You spoilt the game
No matter what you say
For only metal, what a bore!
Blue eyes, blue eyes
How come you tell so many lies?
Come up and see me
Make me smile
(Phone rings)
Will you get that?
(Phone continues to ring)
(He groans)
Hello?
- I didn't wake you, did I?
-No, if's fine.
I didn't get off for hours,
50 I probably would have overslept
if you hadn't rung me at
7:00am.
OK, good.
I didn't sleep very well, either.
You know, that's the first night in 30 years
that we haven't shared the bed together.
Well, except for that time
when we thought you had chicken pox.
And it turned out that you were allergic
to the new detergent I'd bought.
I am so sorry, Peter.
I don't mean about the detergent.
Cos, in fairness,
that was an expensive brand,
- So, it wasn't as if I'd
- Maggie
I'm the one who should be sorry.
I just
needed some time.
Yeah, I know.
[ Know,
Well, now
.you've spared me from hurt and worry
and concern
and how could I do anything
but love you for it?
Thank you.
Just don't ever keep any secrets
.from me again, OK?
Oh, look, Maggie,
when are you coming home?
There's something I really need to
Mm! Argh!
Goddamn!
That is hot!
Will you do something for me?
Yeah, anything.
I need you to meet us in the village
at about 11 o'clock.
You and Jamie.
And make sure he doesn't slick his hair.
It makes him look like
-.a game show host.
- What are you talking about?
It's the big anniversary celebrations
- .today, isn't it?
- (He groans)
And I just think we should be there,
all together.
Maggie
Please?
(He sighs)
Yeah, of course.
We'll be there.
Thanks.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Aw, that was nice.
It was also loud!
Particularly the scream,
for seven o'clock on a Saturday morning.
- Well, the coffee was hot!
- Well, that's coffee for you, Maggie.
I mean, for goodness' sake,
as important as it is that you two spoke,
who on earth makes phone calls at?
(Phone rings)
Like mother like son”?
Tell me something I don't know.
Hiya.
So
What football team do you support?
Er, all of them.
Right.
Morning.
Do you
.want to tell me what happened last night?
- Where is my money, Kelly?!
- He won't leave!
- Mummy!
- Where is it?
We burned it.
- What?!
- Please, let me talk to Josh!
- Mummy.
-Hey
Hey, Josh, are you OK?
I'm OK.
I wasn't scared.
Roxy, are you there?
I'm here, yes.
Take me off speaker.
OK.
We're gonna come home tonight.
We can't drive, Kelly.
We've both had a drink.
Just
We'll just get a taxi.
No, no, it's fine.
He's gone.
Er, I'll take Josh back to mine.
Just come back when
Kelly
Is it true?
Yes.
You're not gonna tell anyone, are you?
Like I said, I heard a noise.
I thought it was someone breaking in.
But it was nothing.
I just got spooked, that's all.
Mm.
JILL: Morning.
Sorry again that we didn't end up
at my place last night.
Ah, that's fine.
You were pretty distracted.
-Mm.
- And you obviously still are.
Shouldn't you be dressed by now?
Aren't we all meant
to be playing the pan pipes
- and dancing round the maypole in a bit?
- I don't think I want to go.
What are you talking about?
You organised the whole thing.
No, I didn't.
Maggie did.
I just stole I
.to punish her.
- If I'd known what I know now
- You are sure about what you saw?
- There couldn't be another explanation?
- Like what?
That she was checking out his bridgework
with her tongue?
No, Marcus, I know what I saw.
And I have to tell her, don't I?
How can I not?
Despite everything that's happened, she's
was still my best friend.
Come here.
(Buster barks)
- Not you, you berk!
-Its all right.
There's room for both of us.
Well, we're gonna go to the festivities,
all right?
Whether you stole them or not,
you have to see it through.
And go and see Maggie after.
Talk to her then.
- I'll come with you.
- Will you?
I suppose I'll have to,
now I've said it out loud.
Right, I'll make you a cuppa,
then we'll get going.
Work in progress.
Don't jinx it.
Sorry!
Buster, guard!
Is it all right if we can hang out for a bit?
- We're meeting someone before we head off.
-It's a public house.
Alright?
Alright?
Don't talk to the punters.
You're kitchen staff.
I like outranking him.
Didn't they say they were checking out
this morning?
They are.
They have.
They're not doing a very good job of it
- Apparently, they're meeting someone.
- Meeting who?
Never you mind, rookie.
It's beyond your pay grade.
Your place is at the sink.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, yeah.
It's funny sleeping in my old room again.
Yeah, I imagine it's a lot smaller
than you remember.
Not really, Dad.
I was 22 when I moved out.
And you haven't grown any more since then?
Honestly, it's like you're just not frying!
Listen, Dad
Er, thanks, yeah
- for, erm..for last night.
- Well, I'm glad you were here.
You're not the only one
who needed reassuring
- that everything's gonna be all right.
- Do you think it will be?
You don't think things have changed,
do you?
What do you mean, changed?
Between me and Mum.
(Telephone rings)
Hammer House of Horror.
Yep, we are.
Yep, yep, no, we're just about to head out.
Yeah.
No, looks fine.
Of course you can.
Mum?
Em..I love you, too.
Oh, well, we'll see you there.
Say again.
Yeah, it looks fine.
All right, bye, Mum.
Bye.
See?
Nothing's changed.
(He sighs)
Oh, I bought you that, didn't I?
Er, yeah, last Christmas.
- The Christmas before, actually.
- Mm.
- I've been saving it for a special occasion.
- Ah, right.
And today qualifies for that, does it?
What, you and me
going to a village fete together willingly?
I don't know about special,
but it's definitely an occasion.
- Mm, I suppose it is.
- Well, just don't get too used to it, OK?
Heaven forbid.
Are you OK?
Better, yeah.
Yeah.
You?
Yeah, I will be.
I tell you what, though, I'll be glad when this
sodding anniversary business is finally over.
Bloody William the Conqueror.
I'm sick of him!
(Marcus groans)
This is ridiculous!
There's your house again, look.
We might as well get out.
It's pointless us both doing laps.
Yeah, OK.
I need to get changed, anyway.
I look like a primary school teacher.
Oh, Marcus, how come you told me
you were still on your first chapter?
I saw the number at the top.
You've done, like, 100 pages.
Yes, well
.that one that you saw
is not the one I'm supposed to be writing.
That's one I started a few days ago.
- Slightly different genre.
- (Car horn beeps)
Yes, all right!
What do you mean, different genre?
- Romantic fiction.
- (She scoffs)
Hey, don't knock it.
100 pages in a week,
that's a record for me.
Who'd have thought that falling in love
would be such a good cure for writer's block?
Wait, what did you say?
Em
I don't know.
| 'say a lot of things.
I'm a babbler.
(Car horn beeps)
Yes!
Right, go and grab a spot.
I find you.
MAN: Alex Myer.
You've still got family here, haven't ya?
Mum and little brother, innit?
Oh, and, er..
Grandma,
(He starts the engine)
(Bell rings)
MAGGIE: Strawhenge.
- It's a good idea, isn't it?
- BECKA: Yeah.
Erm, look, if you want to walk
a few steps behind me, I would understand.
Really?
- Are you sure you don't mind?
- Well, you know, if you
Come on!
I'll give Jamie a ring,
find out where they are.
You!
PETER: Hm, good turnout.
Lots of, erNormany people.
Normany.
Normany or Saxon.
-No
- Excuse me.
- Er, nice day for it!
- Ah!
Hello, Jamie!
Oh, I haven't seen you
since the big news, have I?
Oh, congratulations!
Thank you!
PETER: Right, well
- Quickly just, er
- Your father will make a wonderful grandad.
He'll spoil her rotten.
Oh, well, we don't know
if it's gonna be a boy or a girl yet, so
- Oh, I hope it's a girl.
- Sure.
Well, I mean, it's, er
We'll be happy either way.
Oh, of course we will.
- Well, as I say, er, we'd better just
- (Phone rings)
Leave it.
Leave it, they'll ring back.
- They'll ring back.
- It's Becks. Sorry, two seconds.
Yes, OK.
Bye, Jamie.
-No, don't go.
- Oh, love to Becka.
What do you think you're doing?
- What do you mean?
- Maggie's here. As in here, now.
-I'm on my way to meet her.
- Oh, I understand.
Do you?
Call me after
JAMIE: They're over on the other side.
Hello, Dad.
- Becks and Mum.
- Yeah, all right, yeah.
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
(Bell rings)
Finally, at last
Hey, what the f?
Hey!
(He kisses his teeth)
This bloody village!
- (Phone rings)
- Alex?
I never wanted to hurt you or Josh.
You do know that, don't you?
- Where are you?
- They threatened my family, Rox.
Look, I don't understand any of this,
I don't understand what's going on with you
or Kelly or Neil or any of you.
But if someone is threatening you,
your family,
Alex, you have to call the police.
I'm way beyond that now.
I stole thousand of pounds
off my own nan, Roxy.
These people aren't exactly payday loans,
you know?
Like, I was way beyond that, too.
If I hand myself in or if I run..
Believe me, I came close.
It won't stop them.
They'll come after Mum or Liam
or maybe even you.
I need to do the right thing.
What do you mean?
I'm meeting them now at The Conqueror,
I'm gonna tell them
[ don't have their money.
That it's gone and they need
to leave everyone else out of this.
It's all on me.
Alex, what are they going to do?
I'm sorry, Roxy
for everything.
I need you to know that.
Alex!
Keep an eye on Josh for me.
- What? Wait! What are you?
-I won't be long.
I want the police.
Can I have one of these?
Ah, 28 pence!
Hi, Jill.
Hey, there.
Hi.
Hi, Helen.
(She clears her throat)
No, OK.
Oh, look
Aw
Oh!
Oh, Emil! Emil
This is no way to treat classic literature.
Classic literature?
Hal
(She clears her throat)
Oh, yes, Roxanna did tell me
that you and, erm
Its OK.
I'm sure Marcus'd turn his nose up
at the word classic, too.
And literature, probably.
He's a very nice man.
He's always very friendly.
- I'm really happy for you.
- Thank you.
Is everything OK?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine.
What are you putting them
all out here for anyway?
Footfall. Plenty of people
out and about in the village today.
These things
haven't stopped selling since
Well, you know.
It's been a strange couple of weeks,
hasn't it, Emil?
Oh, very.
- [I see you later.
- Yeah, bye-bye, Jill.
Oh!
Erm, you do know it's meant to rain today,
yeah?
No, I did not.
Sorry.
(Thunder rumbles)
You're cutting it close.
I don't have it.
Did you ever?
Does it matter?
No, I suppose it doesn't.
And in away, I'm pleased.
See, we've got a few little jobs on the side
that we need taking care of.
High-risk, big reward.
The risk part
.being yours.
Whatever it takes.
That's the spirit.
Shall we go?
Alright?
- What are you doing here?
- [work here.
What's going on?
It's OK, let him go.
You were right all along, Liam.
- I was never the good one at all.
- What are you talking about?
Alex, who are these people?
How do you know them?
Liam, listen to me.
I need you to take care of Mum.
What?
I'll be back.
I will.
But [ just [ need you to promise me
that you'll take care of her.
Yeah, all right, I think he gets it.
I think they all do.
I think they're all gonna be smart, stand still
and count to 100 and something, aren't ya?
What did I just say?!
What a silly, silly boy.
(He sighs heavily)
Mail?lie
-Hi.
- I didn't think you'd be here.
Well, it's the village celebrations, and
Yeah.
(Thunder rumbles)
Oh, yeah, I'll just
The procession's really good.
It's much better than a float, isn't it?
The clouds are a bit ominous.
Still, a little bit of rain
.won't hurt.
It'll be more authentic.
Look, Jill, can I just say?
Maggie, don't.
Don't apologise again, please.
- You're only gonna make this even harder.
- Make what harder?
Maggie
I need to tell you something.
Well?
Oh
(He chuckles)
This gets better and better.
Is that thing even real?
I'm pretty sure it's real.
It is real.
You're not taking my brother.
Don't be an idiot.
You're not gonna fire that thing.
-Hm?
- If anything
.you look as though
you're gonna pass out.
Put the gun
.down.
Jesus, Liam, put it down.
Listen to your big brother, eh?
Liam, please
Attaboy!
- (Gunshot)
- Argh!
Let's get out of here.
MARCUS: Ah, finally
Give me the bloody keys!
Oi! Hey!
Come on.
Get in the car, quick.
Goon, let's go!
BECKA: There you are!
- You missed the grand procession.
- Well, you know what they say.
Once you've seen one two-foot Norman army
marching through a village, you've seen it all.
Hm.
(Thunder rumbles)
- Where's Mum?
- Over there, talking to Jill.
Oh, for God's sake,
can she not take one day off?
MAGGIE: You hate me that much?
Oh, Maggie, no!
It wasn't enough that you took all this
from me? That wasn't enough?
It's not about that.
I swear to you, I'm telling you the truth.
No, you're not!
Maggie, listen
Oh, great, now what's happening?
Maggie, wait, please!
{Tyres squeal)
Oh, Jill!
(Bell rings)
MAGGIE: Oh!
Don't move her!
This is all my fault!
Don't be silly!
Just come here, come here, come here.
It's OK.
Roxy!
Roxy!
(Siren wails)
- Who is it?
- It's Jill.
Jill?
Jill Wheadon?
- Roxy, where's Josh?
- He's with my dad. He's safe.
Control, we're going to need
an ambulance here.
Are you hurt?
Injured?
Nah.
Just a bit in shock, you know?
What about you?
Yeah, what he said.
I think it'd be good
if we get you both out of the vehicle.
Do you think you can manage that?
Sure.
They've got a gun!
- Get off me!
- Calm down, sir.
I really don't think a medieval army's
gonna be much help here,
Mrs Bainbridge, do you?
(Siren wails in the distance)
ALEX: Ambulance, yeah,
And come quickly.
The pub, Thurlbury.
You'll be OK.
Yeah.
(Sirens wail)
Liam
Liam
I'm gonna go to prison.
- You're not gonna go to prison.
-I am.
Hey
Soft lad, you're not going to prison.
He's been shot.
Go and check outside.
They tried
They tried to rob us.
Who did?
Two blokes,
they've been staying here all week.
My boyfriend, he tackled them and nearly
managed to get the gun away from them.
And my boss Brian
.he saved my life.
He's a hero.
- Mum, what are you doing?
-I'm going with her.
MARCUS: No, you're not!
Look, I'll call you, OK?
As soon as I know anything.
(She sighs)
This is
.all my fault.
Maggie, will you stop saying that?
But we were fighting'
She said you were having an affair
with Karen.
She said she saw you kissing.
She saw that?
- What?
-Oh
What?
No, no.
No!
Oh, God
No, I don't mean to
I'm not having an affair with her.
You know, she did
.she did kiss me last night at work.
Completely out of the blue.
Nearly gave me a heart attack.
In a bad way, obviously.
Not like a good
.heart attack.
Look, Maggie, I promised I would never keep
a secret from you again, and I meant it.
I was gonna tell you this, all of it, today.
- I was just waiting for the right moment.
- Well, you
.certainly picked a good one.
You do believe me, don't you?
Yes, of course I do, you idiot.
- Absolutely!
- Huh? What?
Er, yeah, sorry.
Yeah, of course I believe you, Dad.
I do, I just
don't really understand it.
What do you mean? Your father
is a very attractive man for his age.
Erm, thank you.
- Well, you are.
- Look, there is something else.
You know, the story in the paper.
The one about Jamie.
- She did that.
- What?
She is completely deranged.
She thought it would drive a wedge
between us or something.
I don't know.
The website forum stuff,
that was all her, too.
Is there
.anything else?
She bought me fish and chips.
Er, maybe we should talk about this
somewhere else.
Yeah, it's probably better that
Maggie
Oh, shit!
We might be needing
to call that ambulance back.
Hi, is everything?
What 7
- You kissed my husband.
- What?!
You went to the paper and you gave them
the story about my son, about Jamie.
You scuttled around on the internet
leaving poisonous little messages
about us.
About our family.
And you actually thought for one second
that you could hurt my marriage?
An atomic bomb
couldn't hurt my marriage, Karen!
I think you'll be needing a new secretary.
What?!
- BRIAN: I can't go to the hospital.
- SYD: You can.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Trust me.
Alright..
- Where's Alex?
- He's talking to the police.
He's all right.
Everyone's all right.
Aren't you the couple
who won the lottery?
Yeah, they are.
Some people have all the luck, eh?
Alex!
It was an attempted robbery but, apparently,
they've been picked up, 50
Could you call Mum for me?
Tell her we have to give them a statement,
but that we'll be home soon.
Tell her everything's gonna be OK.
Oh, it's been two hours.
It's not like she's gone to the cinema,
Maggie.
You know, it'll take as long as it takes.
No news is good news.
I don't think I've ever believed that.
Really?
Read any papers lately?
Huh.
Good point.
Mm
I should really come up here more often.
This is, er
It's quite something, isn't it?
I can see why you like it.
The whole kingdom spread out before you.
And you up here.
Maggie Cole
.queen of the castle.
- Keep.
- Keep.
- (Phone rings)
- Mm, not now!
Oh, Peter, Peter, Peter!
-Where is it? Where is it?
- It's in that one.
Oh, it's Marcus.
Hello, Marcus.
What's happened?
Yep, OK.
We're on our way.
Here we go.
One sec.
Move your feet for me.
Right, put him on the bed.
Yeah, great.
Softly, and three..
- Sorry.
- Argh!
That's it.
- Sorry.
-Its all right.
We're doing all right.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.
- Oh, is this your daughter?
- His wife, actually.
Right, er
Well, the buzzer's here
if you need anything.
So, erm, [I just leave you to, erm
What?
I wanted rid of her.
There is, erm There's a couple of officers
waiting to talk to you.
Get a statement.
Take your details.
So, come on, then, what is the prognosis?
Em
It was lodged under the clavicle.
There's no muscle damage,
no nerve damage.
- They got it out, stitched me up.
- Well, you look fine, anyway.
Unlike the guy in the room next door.
I don't know what is wrong with him,
but he's flat out unconscious
with a head like a watermelon.
About your size and build, though.
It's a nice room, this.
Wasted on a non-smoker like you.
I bet people are always sneaking out
for a crafty fag.
Thank you.
You will ring me, won't you?
I promise.
Cos, I mean, if nothing else
.I am gonna need a reference, cos I'm
.kind of out of a job now.
(He sighs heavily)
Maggie?
Sydney
What is it? What's wrong?
Brian's gone.
- Gone?
- Oh, for God's sake, he's not dead.
-Oh.
- He's gone.
At least, I hope he has.
Look, come back here.
- SHE WHISPERS: Brian got shot.
-LOUDLY: Shot?!
What do you mean, shot?
Shot by who?
Well, not by gangsters,
if that's what you're thinking.
Mind you,
I suppose they were a bit gangster-ish.
They weren't there for him,
they were there for Alex.
Alex?
JEZ: Yeah, yeah.
Nah. They're being a right bunch
of bloody jobsworths, as usual.
A couple of coppers in reception, though.
I'll just follow them up if I have to.
Just chill, will you?
You'll have it by five.
Dickhead.
- Al right?
- Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, just, er
Your voice sounds so familiar.
Jez Crosby, Coastland FM.
Er, on digital and across the county.
Here, hold this, will you, mate?
Yeah
It's all been kicking off
up in Thurlbury today.
World War bloody III
by the sounds of it.
It'll all be on the six o'clock.
You're the one that broke
the whole radiogate thing, aren't you?
Oh, yeah.
Mrs Gob Almighty.
Trended number three in the country,
you know.
Yeah, I know it did.
And, er
I'm Mr Gob Almighty.
Bye, Sydney.
Take care of yourself.
Maggie?
Oh
Oh, Marcus, is she in there?
Can I see her?
They've just given her some sedatives,
Maggie.
Please
Mm.
I, erm
.didn't get a chance to say before, but, er
- .big fan.
- Oh, right.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
(Monitors beep steadily)
Oh, God
Would you
like a sweet?
- Red or yellow?
-It's OK.
I'll pass.
I know you weren't lying to me..
.About what you saw.
Peter's told me everything.
But it's not what it seems.
It's not what you think.
It's not
.important right now.
None of that is important right now.
I did this.
I did this to you.
I may not have been the one
driving the car, but
.you're still here because of me.
Small village life.
Rumours, gossip, whispers.
Thinking you know everybody's business.
Thinking you've got a right to
Just telling yourself it's just words.
Isn't it?
That's all, just words.
But it's like
.ripples on a pond.
You throw in one little stone and
Oh, God
There was
.an incident at the pub.
Some men were looking for Alex.
They found him through Roxy,
through a picture of her
.that was in the papers that I caused.
They got hold of a gun.
A gun!
That Alex's brother found when he was
hunting around in the pub
for evidence of a stupid far-fetched rumour
that I started.
Then they fled the scene,
nicked a car
.and hit you.
Jill, you're
You're only here because of me.
If I'd never done that interview
if I'd never said those things,
none of this would ever,
ever have happened.
It's never just words.
I am so, so sorry, Jill.
(Door opens)
Excuse me, I'm just collecting.
You haven't taken them.
You really should.
Please.
Thank you.
You're awake.
Well, just resting my eyes.
I do have a bit of a headache, you know.
- Jill, 1.
- Maggie, shut up.
I forgive you.
Alright?
For everything.
And I don't know what the hell all that
about stolen cars and guns was about
or why you think I wouldn't be here
if you hadn't done that stupid radio interview.
But
. know what would have happened
if you hadn't.
I wouldn't have met the man
I fell in love with.
Wait
What did you just say?
I don't know.
| 'say a lot of things.
I'm a babbler.
Do you mind?
I think we're having a bit of a moment here.
I've just taken some pretty strong sedatives,
50 I think time's a bit short.
Yes, of course.
Yes, right.
Right
- Well, is everything all right?
- Yes, everything is brilliant!
- She forgives me.
- OK, that's not what I meant, but
What?
Oh, no, no, no, she's fine.
She's strong as an ox.
She'll be back on her feet in no time.
But she forgives me, Peter.
We can be friends again.
Everything's gonna be OK!
Actually, it really is, isn't it?
We've done it.
I've made things right with each and every
Oh
Two secs.
Em
Sorry to interrupt, but, erm,
Marcus, can I just?
Apology accepted, Maggie, OK?
Brilliant! Oh, thanks very much!
Thanks very much'
As you were.
I have made things right
with each and every one of them.
Great!
Well done.
I think we can go home now.
Jill and Marcus,
what a perfect couple, eh?
At last, I can be happy for them.
Not that I wasn't happy for them before,
but, you know
We should have them over for dinner.
Yeah, well, let's wait
until she can walk again first, all right?
Now what?
Oh, don't sound all long-suffering,
cos it will spoil what I'm about to say.
Well, what were you about to say?
I was about to say,
would it be hugely inappropriate to kiss you
in the middle of a hospital corridor?
Oh, right, sorry.
Er, well, go on, say it, then.
Would it be hugely inappropriate to kiss you
in the middle of a hospital corridor?
-Very.
-Oh.
Mm
- I love you.
-Hm
I love you, too.
Can we go home now, please?
No, I don't want to go home.
Where do you want to go, then?
Em
- MAGGIE: Happy birthday, Thurlbury.
- PETER: Yep.
Yep.
Happy birthday.
Er, let's not do it again for another 500 years,
though, OK?
Deal.
So, Peter, is Karen a good kisser, then,
or what?
Ah
Really?
Ah, come on, we're all thinking it.
Well, answer the question.
Oh, God
You two really have to stop
spending time with each other.
Well, if you must know
.she was awful.
Even worse than Mrs Bainbridge.
Mrs Bainbridge?
Exactly how many women have you been
smooching with behind my back?
Er, just the two.
It was at the Christmas party.
I went for the check and she did that whole
turning her head at the last minute thing.
-Oh
- Did she?
Not entirely surprising.
The woman is insatiable.
You know she's been having a fling
with that lad from the Co-op?
- The one with the green hair.
- For God's sake, Mum!
- Come on, Maggie
- What?
No, it's true.
No, that actually is true.
You are incorrigible.
No, a friend of a friend told me,
50 I know it's true.
You've done it all
You've broken every code
And pulled the rebel to the floor
Ba-ba ba-ha ba-ba ba-ba ba-ha ba-ha
You spoilt the game
No matter what you say
For only metal, what a bore!
Blue eyes, blue eyes
How come you tell so many lies?
Come up and see me
Make me smile