The Upshaws (2021) s01e06 Episode Script

Okay. The guy I hit? He's here.
I can't believe you got me mixed
up all in your bullshit again.
Hey! This is on you.
You gave me a dirty car.
And I told you to keep it clean.
Well, if you hadn't made
the brakes work so good,
I would've hit him at
the speed I was going,
he'd be dead, we'd be fine.
Okay, well, it's too
late to dream, okay?
Just be quiet and let me do what I do.
You think you can get him
to not go through insurance?
I have to, woman.
I faked the registration.
And if he goes through the insurance,
I could lose my shop.
That's a risk you'll have to take.
Yeah, and you'll go to jail.
Oh, hell, no! I can't go to jail.
I snitched on my sister. Okay?
Nathan Brash.
Hey, man. Get that outta here, shit.
We family around here.
Give me a hug, man.
Aw, that's so nice.
Don't you like to see that?
I told you he was friendly.
Nicest mechanic in all of Indiana.
Uh-huh.
Yes. Well
I'm running late for work,
so here's my insurance card.
Uh-uh. We don't take
insurance from family.
We past that, we already hugged.
Don't you need to contact
my claims adjuster?
Why? Whatever claim is wrong,
I'll adjust it.
Would you like a free pen?
Uh Well, if it's all the same to you,
- I'd rather just go through insurance.
- He'll do it free.
'Cause truth be told,
my deductibles are murder.
I'll pick it up Friday.
You better hope I can fix this.
Believe me, I do.
This? Girl, you trippin'.
I can fix this just thinking about it.
That ain't nothing but a little ding.
Seems like a pretty big ding.
Might even call it a "dang."
Verging on a "damn!"
Oh, hell, no.
Tasha, how many times did you hit him?
Oh, thank God you made coffee.
Oh, I have been up
since 6:00 this morning,
studying my GMAT book.
Seriously?
Okay. Before you start yelling,
you asked for transparency.
I took the last of the coffee, babe.
I guess I'll just suck on the filter.
As sexy as that sound,
transparency,
I forgot to buy the filter.
You can share my cup.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Oh, Jesus, Bennie,
it ain't even 9:00 yet.
Okay, transparency,
I got some Jack in there.
I'm a little stressed.
I got a messed-up car
down at the shop
so I might be home late.
And I might forget to call.
Transparency.
Okay, all right.
- I appreciate you hearing me, okay?
- Yeah.
And trying, but you don't have
to keep saying "transparency."
It's hard to stop. Transparency. See?
Mom, we're out of body wash.
Oh, I got you.
There you go. That'll run
you a whole 'nother week.
Oh, God. Are we poorer than usual?
What did he do?
Part of my going back to school
means we all have to pinch pennies.
Yeah, but why do we all have to suffer?
You want fancy body wash or you
want your choir trip paid for?
Well, I don't wanna go to my choir
trip smelling like tap water.
I think I could get a
good lather with this.
May I please have my
shirt that you washed?
Oh, shoot! Baby, I'm so sorry.
I was up all night studying
I have a huge algebra
midterm, and that's my
Lucky shirt. Yes, I know.
So I will Febreze and fluff.
I do it all the time.
Damn it, it's empty.
That's all right. We know Mama's secret.
Uh-huh.
Fauxbreze!
You welcome.
That Fauxbreze is almost
as good as the real thing.
You're still dirty,
but only you know that.
Uh, the dryer's not working.
Oh. Yeah, you Let me do it.
Yeah, see, you gotta know the trick.
There you go.
Now, you let that spin for five
minutes and you're good to go.
Do not let it go longer
than five minutes,
otherwise your shirt
will go up in flames.
Oh, my God. We live on Good Times.
Well
I gave you some time to cool down,
so I think it's time for an apology.
I couldn't agree more.
Y'all know y'all both waiting
on each other, right?
- You really waiting on me?
- Uh, yes.
I'll be blind, crippled and crazy
before I apologize to you.
Well, you're two out of three.
And a whore.
Uh, let me remind you
that Mama's not here to
pull me off your narrow ass.
What kinda crazy bitch comes
to somebody else's house
expecting an apology?
Uh, the kind of crazy
bitch who's owed one.
Lucretia, you are sleeping
with a married man.
Regina, how is that your business?
Because you're just like Tasha.
I am nothing like Tasha.
I'm a mistress. Tasha was a side piece.
It's a nuance.
Bullshit. It's simple.
If somebody's married,
you don't sleep with them.
Oh. You two talking again?
- No.
- No.
Honey, I'm glad you're here.
Now, I'm sorry that last time
you were over, I cut you off.
So, you needed to talk to me?
Yeah, I did.
You know, for a while now,
I've been trying to tell you
Damn it.
Seriously? What now?
You know what? It can wait.
Really? You're gonna pick now
to die? I can't afford this!
Regina! Regina!
What?
I have plenty of perfectly good
dryers at my apartment building.
And?
And nothing. I just wanted you to know.
Whore out.
Okay, I looked her over.
You're gonna need a
driver door, a fender,
a quarter panel, and a rocker panel.
Okay, you just making up
parts now. That's just
This is the best I can do.
$4,300 for some bodywork?
Man, that's a car, not a Kardashian.
Okay. If you don't want
me to do the bodywork
I'm a mechanic. I can fix it myself.
Okay.
But a oil change ain't
gonna get that dent out.
Man, get your ass out of here.
Plus, your dumb ass already
told me the parts I needed.
And you're probably dumb enough
to tell me where to get 'em, too.
You not gonna tell me?
Boy, get outta here.
Chuck ain't gonna fix the car?
Don't nobody want Chuck
to fix the car, man.
We gonna fix it ourself.
Those are the parts
I need you to go get.
Uh, okay. Where you want me to go?
I don't care. Just find
'em. Find 'em free.
Hey, the last time you told
me to find something for free,
that junkyard dog had us
trapped for two hours.
Yeah, and we got out.
No, you got out.
Me and Cujo went for five rounds.
And my earlobe is actually
a part of my ass cheek.
I ain't asking you to steal
nothing. I got money.
- Yeah?
- Here, take this $40
and go get me $2,000 worth
of parts. And some coffee.
Hey, Kelvin. Your Instagram
post from today was so funny.
I just posted it.
Well, I mean, I just
happened to be on it.
Seriously? I hope you studied
for the algebra test today.
I already got one
person cheating off me.
That's fifth period.
I know. So?
That's a fourth period problem.
That is really clever.
You are so wise, Kelvin.
How do you think you're coming off here?
Hey, Kelvin. Like that
new Instagram post.
Uh-uh, he just posted it.
Damn.
Hey, Steph.
Diane.
Kelvin, you wanna walk me to class?
Since when is Kelvin friends
with Steph Greene?
Um She thinks he's cute.
She probably gets lost in his eyes
and goes home and kisses her pillow.
I'm just guessing here.
Well, I'm getting pretty sick of Kelvin.
I tried to be a decent sister
'cause I felt bad for him.
He hijacks my birthday. Cool.
My dad got him a car. Okay.
I can't go out on Wednesdays anymore
'cause Kelvin's over for dinner.
He's at your house every Wednesday?
Why are you sitting on that?
Everything's always about Kelvin.
"Kelvin's so great, Kelvin's got swag,
Kelvin's got three nipples."
He what?
Not really, it's just a rumor I started.
But everybody loves him for it.
Everybody at this school thinks
my brother is cooler than me.
Look, Kelvin has a lot of talents.
Like
A lot of talents.
But you're the smart one.
You're gonna kill this algebra test.
Thanks, Savannah.
Mmm.
Damn, girl. You can only like
his post once. Thirsty much?
You sure you don't want a drink?
Babe, you're crazy.
You know I gotta fly in a couple hours.
After what I just put on you,
they should ground
your ass for the week.
Why don't you come on back
and make me lose my license?
Mmm. Well, let me order
some room service.
Knowing I got some chicken
fingers on the way
gets me all revved up.
Oh.
I gotta take this. It's my wife.
Well, let me say hi.
Hey, don't play.
Hey, babe.
How you doing? Yeah, me?
I'm just waiting on
some chicken fingers.
Oh, she does?
Okay.
Hey, precious.
Daddy misses you.
Oh, you got a solo at church?
I'll definitely be there.
Oh!
You wanna see my room?
Right now?
Okay. Oh! FaceTime!
Uh-huh.
Um Well
just a normal room.
- Yeah. Uh-huh.
- Purse. I need my purse.
Yeah.
But what you really wanna
do is see the ceiling.
You wanna count the tiles?
One, two,
three I'm losing you!
Daddy loves you.
Daddy loves you! Bye!
You threw my shit when you knew
you were about to hang up.
My gun could've went off.
Come on, babe.
No, no, uh-uh. No, you're
getting too comfortable.
Kicking me off the bed,
lying to your wife,
talking to your little angel
about singing in church.
You just disrespected all
three women in your life
with one phone call.
Come on, baby. We both
knew what this was.
Well
Two things I learned on that floor.
I am not cut out to be the other woman.
And Emerald Suites does not vacuum.
Mr. Brash.
Nathan! Nate Dog!
Here we go, as good as new.
And we took some miles off the meter.
What the hell is this?
It looks worse than
when I brought it in.
We couldn't get the
paint to match exactly
You didn't match the door exactly!
This is bullshit. I'm calling
my insurance company.
Insurance? Them are crooks.
What's the problem? You have insurance?
I got insurance. The woman
that hit you don't got shit.
That's that woman's problem.
Look, the woman's problem
is my problem, okay?
The whole situation is complicated.
It'd take me hours to explain it to you.
Here, let me try to explain it.
All right, so his baby
mama needed a car.
So, he went behind his
wife's back to get her a car.
She took the car and hit you with it.
The baby mama, not the wife.
Well, between you and me
this Saab is my girlfriend's.
The one my wife doesn't know about.
That's what's up, man. You know
what I mean? See, you feel me.
You know what I mean?
Game recognize game.
Does the sixth or the
seventh commandment
mean nothing to y'all?
I'm still learning.
- Look, man, I get your situation.
- You do?
I can give you one more day.
My girlfriend says if I
don't get her car back,
she's gonna tell my wife.
She's shady.
You should dump her.
Yeah.
I can't believe this.
I've never got a C before in my life.
Oof. I'm glad I copied off Kelvin.
He's not just a face.
Man, that test was brutal.
I barely got a A-minus.
Hold up. How the hell did your
no-studying ass get a A-minus?
Look, now, don't hate.
There's levels to this.
Besides, it's just one test.
One bad test can turn
into one bad semester,
which can turn into one bad
year, and to no college,
and then I'm stuck in this
town at a dead-end job,
and I got bigger plans
than being my parents.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I hope you don't bring all this
drama to Steph's party tonight.
Hold up. You got invited
to Steph's party?
Didn't you?
If I did, would I be looking
at you like I didn't?
This sucks.
I kissed Steph's ass for
two and a half years
and she still calls me Diane.
You've been here one week and
you're already invited to her party.
Relax. You can just come with me.
Ooh, I'd love to.
I was talking to my sister.
Sister? I don't want
anything to do with you.
- Why are you even here?
- What is your problem?
You are! You're in my house,
you're in my school,
you're taking over my life.
I don't want you around, nobody does.
Well, our dad does.
Please. Is that why he's with
my mom and not yours?
Why don't you just go back
where you came from?
Ignore Diane.
We could talk about this
tonight at Steph's party.
- Hey, girl.
- Hey, Anna.
You ready for trivia tonight?
I got all the European capitals down.
Come on. Try me.
Slovenia.
Ljubljana. What!
White boys, watch out! We comin'.
Oh. I wish I could. I can't.
Wait, you asked me to team up.
Yes, and I'm sorry,
but I just can't waste my money
on bar food and drinks right now.
All right, I get it.
Hey, I need you to sign
Millie's retirement card.
Oh, Millie. I'm gonna miss her.
She was the first person that I
met at this hospital. I love her.
We're all chipping in 20.
Shit, I don't know Millie like that.
What kind of panhandling bitch
quits a perfectly good job
and then gonna ask me for my money?
You know, you're right.
She got a pension.
She good.
Hey, Lucretia.
Love that color on you!
Why thank you.
I've had it all my life.
Uh-uh.
Don't you come to my job and start shit.
Put the stapler down.
I came to tell you I
broke it off with Cam.
Really?
- Really.
- So, that would make me
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were right.
But you were wrong for
calling me a whore.
Would you have preferred hussy?
Skank? Trollop?
Trollop?
What kind of old-timey shade is that?
I was channeling Mama.
I'm sorry I called you a whore.
Yeah.
'Cause whores do it for
money. I did it for fun.
Until you took all the fun out of it.
Well, not all the fun.
I'm still a woman.
- What's going on with your brother?
- Which one?
Why would I be asking about Bernard?
I don't know. You could be
missing a package or something.
Kelvin didn't show up for school today.
- And?
- And you were really hard on him.
Girl, he ain't tripping off me.
You said that nobody wanted him,
and that your dad chose
your mom over his,
and he should go back
wherever he came from.
Damn, I said all that?
Last thing I remember,
he got an A-minus.
Kelvin, what are you doing here?
This is kind of a bad time.
Shouldn't you be in school?
No school. We're celebrating
Malcolm X's birthday.
That's not until May.
Oh.
Then would you buy Malcolm Luther King?
Oh, you definitely going back to school.
- Good visit.
- Wait. Look.
Do people not want me around?
You mean like now? No.
Look, I'm talking about the family.
If they didn't want you around,
they wouldn't have you around.
Tell that to Aaliyah's crazy ass.
Aaliyah said that?
Damn. What'd you do to her?
Nothing. People like me
and I'm good at tests.
Oh, you mean the two things Aaliyah
wants more than anything in life.
I'm surprised she just
came at you with words.
So what am I supposed to do?
You're in each other's lives now.
Gotta figure out how to make it work.
Hey, babe, why'd you let me sleep?
I'm gonna be late to work.
Call me about dinner.
Thank you, Postmates!
Five stars! Yeah.
Really? Do people not know you're gay?
Gay? What are you talking 'bout?
Hey, man, don't trip. It's cool. Do you.
You a progressive
little thug, ain't you?
Look, this stays between us, all right?
I haven't told my parents yet.
Why? You don't think they'd be cool?
- Bennie?
- Yeah, I feel you on that.
But your mama, at least.
I tried a couple of times,
but the timing wasn't right.
Then I just lost my nerve.
That's your business. I'm just
happy I got me a ditch spot.
You know you can come
by any time, right?
When you're not ditching school.
Come on. I'll take you back.
You really knew I was gay?
Yeah. Me and my mom talk
about it all the time.
- She real jealous of your eyebrows.
- Get your
I don't feel right about
stealing Regina's money.
Hey, man, it ain't stealing
if you're married.
And it definitely ain't stealing
if she don't find out.
Yeah, but this is her school money, man.
I want to see Regina win.
Already got her a graduation gift.
On layaway.
Hey, it's fine, okay? School
don't start back till September.
I have plenty of time
to put that money back.
You having second thoughts? The
Lord speaking to you? Want he will.
No, I forgot the PIN again. I know
it's something easy to remember.
Maybe it's one of your kids' birthdays.
I said something easy to remember, man.
There it is.
1-1-1-1.
Talk to me, baby! Cash money.
Hey.
Oh, you back?
Yeah.
Good.
Look, I was tripping.
Yeah, you were. Yeah.
I know. I just said I was.
Hey, look.
I told Steph Greene
your name wasn't Diane.
- She doesn't care.
- No, she does not.
All right, I got your dryer working.
Now, whatever you do, do not
remove that clothes hanger.
Thank you. Oh! I have the best son.
I ain't that good.
I only bought you about
eight more loads.
Well, shit.
So I still gotta buy a new dryer?
Afraid so. But I know a guy
who refurbishes this stuff.
I bet he can get you a good price.
All right, thanks.
Technically, I only need my GMAT fee,
so let me see if I can move
some things around
and free up a couple hundred bucks.
Hey, Mom, there's something
I've been trying to tell you.
Oh, I cannot right now!
- You know what? My thing can wait.
- My money. What
Where the hell is my money?
Someone made a big-ass withdrawal.
Three guesses, Bennie, Bennie,
and Bernard Upshaw Senior.
Your dad wouldn't do that.
No, no. We had an entire
conversation about this money.
I know he wouldn't touch it.
Are you trying to convince me or you?
This has to be
some sorta inside job.
I bet I know the teller
who took it, too.
The one on the end,
the quiet one with the glass eye. Mmm.
Stealing my money for a regular eye.
Yeah, bitch, I see you.
Oh, you don't see you, but I do.
Mom, I know you're not about to
yell at those poor bank people.
- You know what happened.
- It wasn't Bennie!
Representative.
Representative!
Man, just put me on with
whoever took my shit!
Thank God I got that car out of my life.
- Okay?
- And you next.
I better be.
After Tony towed my car out that
ditch, my oil light's been on.
So just call me when it's ready.
No, not the car.
You.
Okay? Don't ask me to fix shit
and get you out of your problems.
Problems you created, hoopty-giver?
The hoopty's legal.
And don't ask me for no insurance.
That's on you, too.
First of all, only thing
I ever asked you for
is to be there and provide for Kelvin,
so as long as you keep
doing that, we good.
Okay, then, we good, then.
Well, then, bye, then.
Bye.
What are you doing?
Kelvin's oil light is on,
so be there for him.
Hey, baby.
How could you take my money?
Say what now?
How could you take something
that you knew was so important to me?
Okay, baby, I, um, got a
I wanted to talk to you
and tell you about this.
I got a perfectly good reason why,
and here it is.
I, um went and
You usually cut me off by now.
You need to leave.
Okay, okay. I'll just go upstairs
and I'll give you time to cool off.
No.
You need to go.
You need to get out of my house.
Baby, look, I'm sorry,
okay? I'll put it back.
I got you. I mean, come on.
- I mean
- Get out.
Get out, Bennie.
Babe, look, I'm sorry that I
Get the fuck out of my house.