The Wonder Years s01e06 Episode Script

October 17th, 1968 "Testing.
Testing 1, 2, 3" I had assumed my standard home room position drooling in the general direction of Lisa Berlini.
But today, things were different between Lisa and me.
"RFK Junior High's revised dress code has been posted outside my office.
" "Although it's fairly self explanatory, I'd like to" You see, the night before we'd spent very close to four complete minutes talking to each other on the telephone.
Our relationship was entering the fast lane of the seventh grade social scene and it was up to me to keep the ball rolling.
"Section Two, Article One" "the mini skirt clause" "Any skirt cut higher than two inches above the knees will call for immediate disciplinary action.
" "Section Two, Article Two" Is there a problem, Mr.
Arnold? Uh, no ma'am.
Yeah, I was looking pretty good now.
All I had to do was plot my next move.
"RFK's first Fall dance will take place this Friday night.
" "So for music and fun, dancing and romancing," "come one, come all and have a ball.
" "That is all.
" You're gonna ask Lisa Berlini, aren't you? I don't know.
Maybe.
- Then who am I supposed to go with? - I don't Know.
Hey, why don't you ask Carla Healy? No way.
No way.
Why not? I hear she likes you.
Just stop talking about her, okay? The words 'Carla' and 'Healy' had the same effect on Paul as seafood and grass pollen.
Severe membrane inflammation What's wrong with him? I said the 'C' word.
Carla Healy? Are you gonna ask her to the dance or something? No way, I'm not.
You mean, you're asking Carla Healy? No he's asking Lisa Berlini.
Lisa Berlini, huh? Yeah.
I don't know.
I might not.
You know, you should.
She's nice.
She's okay.
Well, I guess I'll see you guys later.
What? They're called dead whales, people.
My question to you is, why? I felt sort of weird talking to Winnie about Lisa but I'd forgot all that by social studies.
The lights were dimmed for a slide show on pollution and I was within striking distance of the best smelling head of hair in the seventh grade.
Where have all the flowers gone? How many roads must a man walk down? The time was right for the most intimate form of communication known to twelve-year-old man inter-classroom note writing.
In a note you could say anything you wanted to.
Lines I would have choked on under the glare of fluorescent lights were coming out like poetry with the venetian blinds drawn.
The signs were there.
She wanted me.
It was time to throw caution to the wind.
'Want to go to the dance with me?' - The problem is excess.
We keep pushing, pushing and it always ends up by us going one step too far.
Dear God, he was right.
What was I thinking? I mean, one lousy phone call, a couple of notes and suddenly, I'm asking her to the dance? It was all happening too quickly.
I wanted that note back.
'OKAY.
' Then again, why stop when you're on a roll? - Lights, please.
It was all so perfect.
With one flick of the wrist I'd opened up an entirely new and exciting chapter in my life as an adolescent.
Lisa Berlini was mine to have and to hold, for better or for worse, till death do us part.
Hi, Lisa.
You want to go to dance with me on Friday? Okay.
Great.
I'll see you.
I had it in writing.
Maybe there was some legal action I could take.
Um, Lisa? Oh, Kevin.
Yeah.
Um, did you just say you'd go to the dance with Brad? I'd seen that look before, in 1964 when my mother put our cocker spaniel to sleep.
Well, yeah.
But you just said you'd go with me.
That was before Brad asked me.
So? So I didn't know he was gonna ask me when I said 'yes' to you.
So? Well, I mean, you're not gonna be weird about this or anything, are you? I mean, I really like you, Kevin, as a And that's when she said it.
The word I was to hear from beautiful girls, like Lisa Berlini, time and time again.
The word that struck a chord so violent in me that I wanted to strangle guys like Brad Gaines with my bare hands.
friend.
Tough break with this Lisa Berlini thing, huh? At least Paul was happy to hear of my rejection.
It meant he wouldn't have to ask Carla Healy to be his date.
Aren't you gonna eat your hamburger? I'm not hungry.
I wouldn't eat it either.
You see how they make the hamburgers? They put all this gross stuff in it.
It tastes all right to me.
I heard Eddie Obin bit into a hamburger and a bug flew out from under the bun.
No way.
That's what he said.
I don't believe it.
I do.
It's documented fact.
All right, that did it.
There was only so much one guy could take.
First of all, there's no way a bug can breathe under a hamburger bun and it probably would have suffocated before Eddie even bit into it.
That's right.
And besides that, a bug is too quick to get caught in a hamburger to begin with.
Let's say it did get caught under the bun but didn't suffocate.
It probably would have flown away when Eddie put the ketchup on.
Winnie and I always saw eye to eye on stuff like that.
It was like we were born under the same sign or something.
Suit yourselves.
I'm getting an ice cream sandwich.
Oh, is that the new lunch menu? Yeah.
Pizza boats, chilled pears, and carrot sticks on Wednesday.
Maybe it was the buzz of the cafeteria, maybe it was the sting from Lisa Berlini, but sitting there across from Winnie, I felt a hunger burning within me.
Sloppy Joes, Tater Tots, and an orange wedge on Thursday.
I love sloppy joes.
Me too.
Her message seemed clear enough.
Behind the charade of the lunch menu recital burned the untapped rage of our secret passion.
On Friday it's macaroni and cheese, peanut butter cookies, and fruit cocktail.
Winnie, will you go to the dance with me? Dance? I can't.
I'm already going with Kirk McCray.
God, Winnie Cooper and an eighth grader.
Can you believe it? Really amazing.
I mean he's actually cool.
So I'm told.
Captain of the Football team, Mr.
Popularity.
Look, Paul.
There's more to life than being cool, athletic and popular! It was all too much to take.
First Lisa Berlini had opened the wound.
Now Winnie Cooper poured the salt.
There was only one solution left with regards to the upcoming dance.
So I guess it's just you and me for the dance on Friday, huh? Nope, I'm not going.
What?! "Jeannie, I want to have" "Oh, Master! Ive been so unhappy.
" "All I wish to do is please you!" "Jeannie, I can't figure you out.
" "You've never behaved this way before.
" "Oh, no, master, I only want to make you happy.
" Oh, what I would've given for one of those.
If you guys want to eat tonight you've gotta set the table for me.
Mom And I'd appreciate if you do it now.
Not in an hour, not after I Dream of Jeannie, but now.
First Lisa Berlini, then Winnie Cooper, now my own flesh and blood.
Women were proving to be the bane of my existence.
Kevin? Huh? Are you feeling all right? Yeah.
Something happen at school? No.
I was too complicated to be pried open like that.
I had my dignity.
You sure? I don't think Mrs.
Cooper's a very good mother.
I beg your pardon? Well, it's just that she's letting Winnie go to this dance with this big eighth grader and he's a real jerk.
I don't think she should let her go.
Well, is there something Mrs.
Cooper should know about this eighth grader? Does he take drugs or something? No.
Well, what is it then? Well, it's just that he's this eighth grader and he thinks he's so cool and Winnie's very young, mom.
I know, she is.
Did anyone else ask her? Well, how am I supposed to know? I'm not even going.
Well, I guess we don't really have a lot to say about who Winnie goes to the dance with.
I know.
And just because you go to a dance with someone doesn't mean you have to spend the whole night dancing with them.
Yeah.
The great thing about a dance is that anything can happen.
Mom's advice always followed a certain logic but somehow it was gonna take that extra maternal nudge to kick me into action.
But if you do decide to stay home, we're having company Friday night so you can be mother's little helper.
Just let it all hang out.
Get in touch with your body.
This was not for us, not in public.
But in private The goal at a junior high school dance is to look as busy as possible without actually setting foot on the dance floor.
Good job, Paul, look who you just hit.
Why don't you go over and ask her to dance? Is she looking over here? No, she's not looking over here.
Good.
She's coming over here.
Hi, Paul.
Hi, Carla.
Carla, I think Paul over here has a little something to ask you.
Okay! It was as sorrowful a spectacle as I had ever seen on the evening news.
But then an amazing thing began to happen.
Paul actually began to enjoy himself.
By my third cup of punch, he was having the time of his life, and I began to realize what a miserable time I was having.
And it wasn't just Paul.
Lisa Berlini was having the time of her life.
Mrs.
Ritvo was having the time of her life.
Even Rodney the custodian was having the time of his life.
I was in hell.
And that's when Winnie Cooper entered the gym.
I had never seen her look prettier than she did standing there in the doorway.
Until Kirk McCray walked in behind her, then she looked beautiful.
It was all so unfair.
I mean, this guy already had everything.
And now he had my Winnie.
I wasn't gonna just stand idly by.
It was time to do what any hot blooded twelve-year-old guy would have done if he were in my shoes.
- Do you want to dance? - Sure.
Try to make Winnie as furiously jealous as I was.
The key would be to appear like I was having the time of my life and dance as I had never danced before.
Apparently, Winnie was playing the same game.
Do you want to keep going? Sure, I guess so.
It all made sense at the time.
This would be the moment when Winnie's eyes met mine across the dance floor and we'd both realize that we were really meant to be dancing with each other.
Um, excuse me, I'm just gonna go outside for a minute.
Sitting alone outside the school, I kept wondering what it would be like if I had asked Winnie first.
Had I meant anything at all to her? How could she have forgotten me so quickly? - Oh, Master! - Why so glum? Please dont be upset with me, Master! I only wish to please you! Huh? I was only using him to make you jealous.
I knew it! How could you slow dance with him? You never even said a word to me all n- Well, you cant blame a guy for dreaming.
But really, I knew that I already blown it.
First, I'd forgotten about Winnie, now she'd forgotten about me.
I guess it was only fair.
Kevin? What are you doing out here? Nothing.
What're you doing out here? I don't know.
Do you like him? He's nice.
Winnie, can I ask you one more thing? And so Winnie and I had our one slow dance after all.
But things wouldn't be the same between us.
We were getting older.
And whether we wanted it or not, the Lisa Berlinis and the Kirk McCrays were changing us by the minute.
All we could do was close our eyes and wish that the slow song would never end.
by TaurusMind