Tremors s01e06 Episode Script
Hit and Run
Come on.
We got business.
Yeah, one second, I feel lucky.
Now, Frank.
Hey, I just put, like, $5 in there.
Come on.
You're gonna pay me back, you hear me? Nice boots.
The thing'll be in Box 236 at the Golden Eagle vault for 48 hours.
You go in, hand the man the key, accept the item, deliver it to Chicago.
Lay low for the next two days.
Stay out of the casinos.
Too many cameras.
This is real simple.
Don't complicate it.
Come on, let's get a drink.
You can't keep your mouth shut for one second, can you? What'd I do? You gotta act professional.
You can't comment on a man's kicks doing a business transaction.
It's unseemly.
Let me get a Scotch on the rocks.
I'm as professional as it gets.
I wrote the book on professional.
Yeah, whatever.
So what are we gonna do for two days without no casinos? We're gonna lay low, like the man said, all right? We're here on business.
I thought at least I'd get a little blackjack in, you know? Kinney didn't pick us because we have gambling skills.
So what? You think I'm afraid of Kinney, huh? Oh, no.
Not you, Mr.
Professional.
That's right.
Bring it over, sweetheart.
Video taken by a tour group in Perfection Valley, when they had a close encounter of the worm kind.
Big time.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is where the legendary Graboid had an altercation with my dearly departed Dodge Charger.
Sad to say, the Dodge lost.
Yeah, forget about it.
Oh, looks like we're in luck today.
El Blanco is paying us a Hey, mister! What are you doing off the jeep? I just want to get a shot of the group.
Don't move! The guy is a plant, look at him! Whatever you do, don't take that picture.
Just freeze.
I got it.
Breathe Just stay calm.
Breathe normally.
Look at him.
He doesn't look real.
Help me! Help me, please! Help! You okay, sir? What a bunch a crap.
You believe that malarkey? Can I watch the news for once without your commentary? I'm just saying, it was obviously computer-generated.
Totally fake.
Like that Looch Niss Monster.
Loch Ness monster, you idiot! Loch Ness monster.
It's the nightly news, Frank.
So? They can't lie on the nightly news.
And youse think that I'm stupid? Frank, Graboids are a known fact.
All right? There's books, there's articles.
It's an irreconcilable thing that you just gonna have to accept, all right? Accept.
This is coming from a guy who thought Geraldo was gonna find millions in Capone's vault.
Me, I don't buy that crap unless I see it with my own two eyes.
That's the difference between you and me.
Yeah, one of many.
Listen, seriously, I know Kinney said we should stay out of the casinos, but there's this other place You know what? I'm gonna prove it to you.
What are you talking about? The Graboid.
What about it? You're gonna see it with your own two idiotic eyes.
I'm taking you there, to Perfection Valley.
Don't waste your time.
Listen, I know this other joint.
It's right off the strip.
What, are you scared? Scared of what? I ain't no scared of the boogey man, I ain't no scared of the tooth fairy, or I ain't no scared of the giant plastic worm.
So you wanna go.
Right.
Right.
You wanna go? I wanna go.
You wanna go? Let's go.
Now.
I wanna go.
Right now.
Giant worms, my ass.
Hey, Max.
Would you believe that? I been playing this thing for three hours.
Hey, you're welcome.
I primed it for you.
Don't worry.
Relax.
You can keep my cut.
What are you guys doing to me, huh? You double-teaming me? I got Burt with his weekend survival students wandering around everyplace.
Now I got you feeding tourists to El Blanco? The guy didn't tell me he was getting off the jeep.
I very clearly warned them Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Every tourist you haul out into the desert is your responsibility.
Even the stupid ones.
So as for now, the tour is suspended.
Why? 'Cause some local station plays a videotape? Some local station? Try Las Vegas television, and by tonight, every major cable network in the country.
No big deal.
The cycle on something like this is a week, tops.
Oh, oh, yeah, that's great.
That's still plenty of time for all official Washington to catch a glimpse.
This reflects badly on me.
Oh, it's all about you, huh? What about me? You got no right to shut me down.
Oh Actually, the regulations state that no tourist is to be off of your vehicle within 500 yards of El Blanco.
Do I need to cite the obvious infraction of that rule? How am I supposed to control every yahoo that has it in his head to take a walk on my watch? I don't know.
Chain 'em to their seats.
It's not my problem.
The good news, you'll have plenty of time to figure that one out.
Aren't you gonna say something? What's to say? You'll let Twitchell shut me down? Fewer civilians suits me.
Burt, you have to remember that our livelihood relies on tourism.
Not mine.
No? I have crunched the numbers.
If his tour is shut down for even a month, my sales are cut 37%.
Nancy's impulse-purchase margin practically disappears.
And your survival school? It loses the coveted word-of-mouth appeal completely.
We all suffer.
Point taken.
Good.
What do you want, Gummer? I want you to give the Graboid tour another chance.
Why would I do that? Two reasons.
One, Tyler has proven to be a major asset when you send us on assignments.
You don't wanna lose him.
Two? Two, I can guarantee you that El Blanco will never come into conflict with the Graboid tour again.
How you gonna do that? Trust me.
Gummer, Gummer Let's just say, if I'm wrong, I'll give up the survival school.
You got a deal.
But one tourist hair gets mussed up, it's on your head.
Understood.
Pay up.
Thank you.
What'd you say to him? Don't worry about it.
All you need to worry about is taking better care of your human cargo from now on.
Atta boy, Burt.
Hey, I'm looking for your Graboid Adventure Tour.
You found it.
You sure? The one from the news, right? "You're in the home of the legendary Graboid "who had an altercation with my dearly departed" " dearly departed Dodge Charger.
" Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, Frank, this is the guy.
This is the guy from TV, man.
How you doing? Howdy.
Hey, well, look, man, we'd like to take your tour.
Well, great.
I got a group from Vancouver tomorrow afternoon.
But I think I could squeeze you gentlemen in.
Um, look, man, tomorrow's not gonna be so good.
You know, we're kinda on a schedule.
Well, I'm sorry, but, can't take the tour out with less than four people.
It's not economically viable.
You kidding me? What the hell else you got to do in this dump? Pardon me? You got to excuse Frank over here.
He gets carsick and that makes him cranky.
Look, the point is, he's under the impression that your Graboid is a figment of the imagination.
Man, you got no idea how real El Blanco is.
Look, man, I believe you, you know, but Frank over here, like I said, is skeptical by nature.
So, uh, therefore, I would appreciate it if you could put all his doubts to rest.
Look, come here.
And you know, I'm willing to make it, as you said, economically viable.
Okay, we're out of here.
Okay, we're out of here.
What are you doing? That's on a need-to-know basis.
You don't.
Someone get up on the wrong side of the bunker today? For 11 years the Valley was clear of any Graboid activity until a new batch spawned.
Our little slice of heaven was afflicted again.
If it wasn't for Burt Gummer and Desert Jack Sawyer Hey, man, we've been tooling around here for an hour.
Are we actually gonna see the Graboid? That's hard to say.
Yes or no works for me.
Hey, El Blanco's a wild animal.
No telling where he'll show up or when.
Like I said, a complete scam.
What was that? Just keep looking for the worm, okay, partner? Yee-haw.
Yee-haw! Ride 'em cowboy, ride 'em good.
Phony.
Phony as a $2 bill.
Frankie.
You just hang on back there.
Yeah, I'm hanging on.
Frankie.
Yeah.
Sorry about not seeing El Blanco today, guys.
You come back anytime I'll take you out again half-price.
So you get to screw us twice.
There's no guarantees on the tour.
You both signed that on the release.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry all the way to the bank.
Look.
I don't mean to be rude, but I don't like being called a liar on a good day.
Today's not a good day.
We clear? No, we're not.
We're not clear.
Come a little closer.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Look.
I apologize for my friend's manners.
All right? Okay? I didn't realize he had any.
Hey! Hey, hey! Frank! Frank! Come on.
Come on! Come on! You take it down a notch.
Take it down a notch.
I think you two should leave.
Yeah? I think you should give Max, here, his money back.
The least you could've done was put a show on.
Even strippers do that.
Oh, yeah? You wanna see El Blanco? Why don't you go see him yourself.
You won't be disappointed.
Neither will I.
Phony cowboy.
I'm onto that action.
Frank.
Frank.
What are you doing, huh? Frank, Frank! What are you doing? We're supposed to be keeping a low profile? Huh? Hey, I'm just pouring it on thick for that slick little con artist.
Trying to get you your money back.
If it doesn't work? I still enjoy watching you waste your money.
Yeah, well, look, we're not done here.
Oh, we're done.
We're definitely done.
We're done when I say we're done.
How much we getting on this gig? We're getting 1% of 20 million, so one divided by That's 100 G's each, Einstein.
I'll put up my 100 G's against yours that that Graboid is real.
What do you say? What do I say? I say the only thing I enjoy more than watching you waste your money, is watching you lose money to me.
Come on.
You gotta relax, Frank.
Yee-haw! Relax! Hey, remember that time at Kansas City? The steaks? My car's never gonna smell the same again.
Hey, yeah, I said I could eat a dozen steaks and damn it, I ate a dozen steaks.
Yeah.
But you couldn't keep 'em down.
Come on, drop it.
Oh, Maronna.
God bless you, honey.
Hey, they grow 'em spicy out here, huh? Can I help you? Yeah, what's her address? Oh, nowhere near your zip code.
We're interested in some hiking equipment.
Mmm, sure.
Rosalita, what's wrong? The perdedores we allow in this town.
Did they bother you? Guys like that always bother me.
Do you know those guys? No, but I know the type.
From Vegas? From your Flamingo days? Look, when you settled down on your uncle's ranch, none of us believed it was because deep down you were Annie Oakley.
Really? Yeah.
Hey, I played her in my seventh grade production of Annie Get Your Gun.
Even if you hate cows and dust, you're one of us now, Rosalita.
Family.
And if you're in some kind of trouble, we can help.
Well, I mean It's not like I saw a hit or anything.
It's just that they all know each other and I'd feel safer if those two didn't know my name, you know? You got it, Mrs.
Smith.
Right.
Blankets.
Space blankets.
Canteens.
Mmm-hmm.
Oh, yeah.
Suntan lotion.
Mmm-hmm.
For you, huh? Power bars.
Yes.
Yeah.
Hey, we already got watches.
Oh, these aren't watches.
These are wrist-seismos.
To monitor El Blanco? Now, all the safe hiking trails are clearly marked along the rim of the valley.
But just in case Oh, yeah, right.
Just in case Will you shut the hell up? Honestly, guys, El Blanco prefers eating people more than anything else.
So be careful.
He's gotten accustomed to the sounds we make.
Mmm, good.
That's a good one.
Yeah.
Ha! Phew! Whole town full of con artists.
How you doing? How you doing? Tough guy.
I knew our luck had to change.
These guys just doubled my average weekly profit, in cash no less.
They don't look like the souvenir type.
We're talking top-of-the-line hiking equipment.
My best stuff.
Hiking equipment? They certainly need it.
Did you see what they were wearing? No, no.
What? I didn't mean for them For them to what? This ain't my day.
Where are you going? Keeping an eye on them dudes.
We got to have some kinda time limit on this thing.
I heard you.
I got to see it up close.
That's the rule.
Out of the ground.
You'll be so close you'll have worm spit all over your shirt, all right? All right.
Okay, we're out of here.
Good morning, class.
Okay, we're out of here.
I'm Dr.
Pavlov.
Welcome to Tasty Tourist 101.
That concludes our first lesson.
And now for lesson two.
Okay, we're out of here.
Moving targets.
El Blanco, my friend, you'll have to live with the disappointment.
Hello! Hello! What are you supposed to do? Call it like a dog? You make a noise, you idiot.
That's what calls it.
If you'd read your literature, you'd know that.
Come and get it, El Blanco! Why'd you let me fall? Why'd you let me fall? I gotcha, man, I got your back.
Come and get it! Just like in Kansas City.
That's it, get the monster.
And now for your final exam.
Okay, we're out of here.
Summa cum laude.
No more terrorizing tourists for you.
What the hell is going on? Not your concern.
Come on, Burt, what are you doing? I might ask the same thing of you.
I was keeping an eye on some bonehead city tourists until I heard World War III start.
Well, if you're keeping an eye on them, what are you doing with me? I can't even count the ways I don't need your attitude today, Burt.
Noted.
Okay.
Enough.
I'm bored already.
It's enough when I say it's enough.
Don't be a sore loser.
Come on.
What'd I tell you, Frank? Huh? It's him.
That's him! These people are good.
Even the watches are in on the scam.
Frankie.
Frankie.
Stay on the rocks, all right? Sorry, Max.
Tyler, come in.
Any sign? Nothing.
I been down every hiking trail out here.
Copy that.
Come on back.
I'll take over.
I told you, I searched everywhere.
You know, it's possible they just left town.
It's possible if you watched them the way you were supposed to, we'd know where they are.
Over.
Well, if someone hadn't been playing war games in the canyon Listen, there's a little bit more at stake here than your pride.
Yeah, meaning what? I put the survival school on the line to keep your tour running.
You did what? You had no right to do that.
Burt! Burt! You still there? Burt! Hey, you okay? We got lost in the desert.
Hey, where's your friend? Max? We had a little accident.
You better sit down.
It was so fast.
So ugly.
Just one bite.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Better report this to Twitchell.
Who's Twitchell? Department of Interior oversees the Valley.
Like, a Fed? That's right.
Is that necessary? Huh? I mean I mean, you know.
You know, it was an accident.
Why get Federal, right? I mean, Max wouldn't want that.
Such a fuss.
Afraid that's regulations out here.
What the hell was that? You shouldn't have done it, Burt.
I'm the one who screwed up.
I should pay the price.
I don't need you giving up your school just to You're alive! Where's the other one? No.
No.
Why don't I take you into the other room? You can rest there.
Twitchell? Gummer here.
I'm so sorry about your friend.
Oh, no.
What's wrong? No! No.
Oh, God.
I'm dead.
I'm dead.
The key! What key? The key! What key? To Max's car.
The key to Max's car.
Oh, here they are.
Here they are.
I found them.
It's just the car meant so much to Max.
It's just It was very special to him.
You guys are being naive.
This is not about El Blanco.
Then what's it about? It's about guys like those two do not come all the way from Las Vegas just to hike.
Why not? Our trails are just as good as Let me put it to you this way.
There is a real connection between Las Vegas missing persons rate and guys like those two going into the desert with shovels.
Don't you get it? It was a hit! Two guys go into the desert, one comes out.
And El Blanco is the most perfect alibi.
You been watching too much TV.
Excuse me.
I need to make a call.
I think, uh, Max's family should know he's gonna be late for dinner.
Go ahead.
Hey, think I could have some privacy, please? Oh, sure.
Of course.
Yeah.
Delores? It's Frank.
Yeah, I'm in Perfection Valley.
Listen, uh, I got something to I got something to tell you.
It's Max.
I got some bad news.
He's gone.
Got eaten by a giant worm.
Yeah, from the TV.
Right.
Listen.
There's something else.
Max had the key on him.
He is acting weird, isn't he? His friend just got eaten.
It's more than that.
He got real mad when he thought he lost his keys, like to his getaway car.
And then he got all worried when Burt said that Twitchell works for the government.
Mistrust of the government is no cause for suspicion.
Look, these guys won't win my Customer-of-the-Year Award, but that doesn't make 'em murderers.
Rosalita, you said that these guys reminded you of people from your past.
Probably you're just projecting your feelings.
Oh, come on! Don't cry, Delores.
It'll be okay.
Listen.
I got to get that key back.
We got to get that key back.
But I can't do it by myself.
I need some help here.
I'm begging you.
Throw me a bone.
Okay? Okay, okay.
I'll be there.
All right.
Okay.
The tragic news has been delivered.
I'm gonna go get some rest now.
Uh, let's go over this one more time.
How exactly did the accident happen? What are you, stunad? That worm came out of the ground and ate Max.
How else? Max, he loved hiking.
He was a real outdoors person.
And I wanted to surprise him for his birthday.
I got him good, too.
He had no idea.
No idea.
I He was so happy.
So alive.
And now he's dead.
Heck, I killed my best friend.
I am so sorry for your loss.
You're a kind and loving person, that's what you are.
Oh, you guys are not buying this crap! Something's not right.
He's in shock, for God's sake.
That's not it.
How can you people be so heartless just because they have an urban sensibility and dress differently? God forbid, the 21st century should come into Perfection every once in a while.
He said his friend loved to hike.
They seem like hikers to you? Maybe we should call the cops.
And tell them what? That Rosalita's getting some bad mojo off a guy in a velour track suit? You see? I told you.
An innocent man would never leave town without saying goodbye.
Mmm-hmm.
Hey.
Don't ever call me Delores again, I don't care who's listening.
What do you got in there? We not only wanna kill this thing, we wanna make sure it doesn't die out of our reach.
Right.
So What's that? Oh.
Holy mackerels! Maronna.
Yeah.
A little something on loan from the Treasure Island Casino.
You can say that again.
Let's clip the worm, huh? If it's too much trouble keeping visitors alive the least you can do is keep track of the survivors! He snuck away, okay? You know, guys like these don't stick around to answer questions.
You know, between you and your crime stories, and Gummer and his conspiracy theories Go ahead, make fun of me.
But I've seen what can happen.
Where, between shows at the Flamingo? Believe it or not, connected guys love to hang around showgirls.
It was never my scene, but, I have friends who made really bad choices.
Listen, Twitch, about Burt's school.
He made his bed.
Yeah, but Jodi, Burt here.
Come back.
Yeah, Burt? Found something that Twitchell might want to see.
He's got company now.
What makes you think this is related to your runaway tourist? This! Burt, got a hammer and a screwdriver? Sure.
Thank you.
Excuse me, boys.
Where'd you pick that up? Triple-A.
These were printed last night.
"Vital statistics, proper equipment, killing radius.
" It's all about Graboids.
Not this.
What's that? The history of whaling.
Hey, Burt.
Here's a direct quote from you.
"Regarding the killing of Graboids.
"If high explosives are not readily available, "one may rely on any number of methods employed in the hunting of large animals, "i.
e.
, elephants, bears, whales.
" This guy's done a lot of research on killing Graboids.
He's out there right now with our amigo, Frank, putting it to practical use.
Well, what are you talking about? Someone's put a hit on El Blanco.
But why? Ask him when we catch him.
I'll take the north end of the Valley.
Affirmative.
Oh, no! Don't argue with me, Gummer.
These two mokes have messed with my territory.
That is unacceptable.
I'm going with you.
No way, this is a dangerous situation.
That's why I'm going with you.
Twenty million in negotiable bearer bonds.
I did the hard part.
All you two had to do was get it from A to B, and you still screwed it up.
It's my ass in the sling if I don't get those bonds to Chicago.
Oh, they're gonna kill you for sure.
Oh, yeah.
I sponsored you so they're gonna save the creative stuff for me.
Let's just find the damn key.
Let's do that.
You're not keeping to the tracks! Shouldn't you be, you know, following 'em? I'm looking for El Blanco.
He'll lead us to the enemy.
That is, if we can find him.
He's still out of range.
Hey, Burt, come in.
Burt here.
We're north of the canyon.
No sign of El Blanco.
What's your twenty? Due east of your position.
I don't see him either.
What's this? To make noise? Where'd you get that? Neighbor's garage.
You're really prepared.
Yeah, if I was prepared I wouldn't have worn these boots.
Really, they hurting you? These are comfortable as hell.
Get 'em off.
What? Get 'em off.
Boots It's all right.
Something different, you know.
Anything? Oh, I see him.
He's right there.
Up on the left.
Hey, Burt, we've got EB.
North of the canyon.
Copy.
I'm a heartbeat away! You're right.
They're comfortable.
What'd I tell you? Oh, by the way.
Yeah.
You get to gut it after I kill it.
What do you think these guys get out of killing El Blanco? Whatever it is, you can be sure it involves money.
Coming! He's coming! Oh, they're right there.
Around the corner.
They're right around the corner.
Be aware they may be packing.
Who isn't? You said it was El Blanco! Well, all those bleeps look the same to me, all right? Hey, Burt, false alarm.
No killers, just a herd of burros.
And no sign of El Blanco.
Is that him? Affirmative! Tyler, we got him now.
He's heading right for me! The bogies must be between us! Hey, Burt! What? That! It's their truck! Yeah, come on.
Come on, baby.
Come a little closer, Mr.
Worm.
I got her, I got her Hold it right there! Burt, you okay out there? We're taking heavy fire.
They're shooting at you? Affirmative, Tyler.
I'm on my way.
Negative, Tyler.
This is no time for nobility.
Simple practicality.
First we gotta make sure El Blanco is safe.
Well, what about you? I can take care of myself.
I need your help with El Blanco.
Okay, okay.
What do you need? I tossed a concussion grenade but he won't stay away long.
Hey, Burt's right, there he goes.
Are you sure this time? Yes, I'm sure.
All right, Burt, he's on his way.
I'll cut him off and lead him to safety.
Copy that.
Then I'm coming after you.
These people are insane, trying to protect that thing.
Are we gonna talk? Or are we gonna take care of business? What, do you think I'm Barry Bonds? Just make some noise with the thing, all right? I'm gonna cover the Good Samaritans here.
Me? Yeah.
You caused this $20 million problem.
Be part of the solution.
No way, you haven't seen what that frigging worm can do.
Key or no key, I ain't doing it.
Okay, I'm gonna give you a choice.
A, you're gonna volunteer to make some Graboid-friendly noises, or B, I'm gonna kneecap you and then you're gonna make the noises.
What's your pleasure? I'll do it.
Go.
Come on, worm.
Come on, worm.
He's over on the left.
Gotcha.
Getting close.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
He's avoiding us.
What? Look for yourself.
Well, I'm right on top of him, he's got to be able to hear me.
He definitely doesn't like you.
Get off of me.
What! Hey, Burt, we got a problem here.
You've got a problem? El Blanco won't follow us.
He's still heading for the bad guys.
No.
Oh, no.
The tour jeep.
What about the tour jeep? I conditioned El Blanco to avoid all contact with your vehicle.
That's what you were doing in the canyon.
I didn't want him to attack the tour again.
Well, you should've told me that.
I did it for the good of Perfection.
A lot of good it's doing us now, Gummer.
Hello? I need some direction out here.
New plan.
I'm gonna draw El Blanco away myself.
You're gonna what? That is definitely not a good idea.
No other choice.
There's nothing El Blanco wants more than a piece of me.
I'm gonna run for those rocks and then get El Blanco out of here.
Be careful, Burt.
We're on our way.
We'll be there soon.
But what am I supposed to do? Well, you could cover me, but you lost my gun.
So stay down.
Consider it done.
Come on, worm.
It's coming, it's coming! El Blanco, you stinking compost heap! Come and get me! Oh! He's going The worm's getting away.
Start the truck! The worm's getting away! I knew you couldn't resist me! Yeah, come on.
Come on.
Come and get me! Yeah! There they are! Stop.
Stop.
Come on, hey! What the Go, go, go.
Who the hell are they? Come on, let's go! Let's go! Burt! You okay? What are you waiting for? No! No! Take cover.
Let's go! Where'd you learn to shoot like that? Girl Scouts.
Kinney? Kinney, you all right? Oh, man.
Stay quiet! What'd I tell you? I told you.
I told you to be careful.
Oh, man! What am I gonna do now? Stop moving.
Stop it! I'm coming! I'm coming! Come on, baby! Hold on, money! Oh, Maronna Oh, freaking What the hell just happened here? Here.
Hey, Burt.
I never said thank you.
No big deal.
You put your survival school on the line for me.
I appreciate that.
Looks like El Blanco had dessert.
Don't be too sure.
Footprints.
We got business.
Yeah, one second, I feel lucky.
Now, Frank.
Hey, I just put, like, $5 in there.
Come on.
You're gonna pay me back, you hear me? Nice boots.
The thing'll be in Box 236 at the Golden Eagle vault for 48 hours.
You go in, hand the man the key, accept the item, deliver it to Chicago.
Lay low for the next two days.
Stay out of the casinos.
Too many cameras.
This is real simple.
Don't complicate it.
Come on, let's get a drink.
You can't keep your mouth shut for one second, can you? What'd I do? You gotta act professional.
You can't comment on a man's kicks doing a business transaction.
It's unseemly.
Let me get a Scotch on the rocks.
I'm as professional as it gets.
I wrote the book on professional.
Yeah, whatever.
So what are we gonna do for two days without no casinos? We're gonna lay low, like the man said, all right? We're here on business.
I thought at least I'd get a little blackjack in, you know? Kinney didn't pick us because we have gambling skills.
So what? You think I'm afraid of Kinney, huh? Oh, no.
Not you, Mr.
Professional.
That's right.
Bring it over, sweetheart.
Video taken by a tour group in Perfection Valley, when they had a close encounter of the worm kind.
Big time.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is where the legendary Graboid had an altercation with my dearly departed Dodge Charger.
Sad to say, the Dodge lost.
Yeah, forget about it.
Oh, looks like we're in luck today.
El Blanco is paying us a Hey, mister! What are you doing off the jeep? I just want to get a shot of the group.
Don't move! The guy is a plant, look at him! Whatever you do, don't take that picture.
Just freeze.
I got it.
Breathe Just stay calm.
Breathe normally.
Look at him.
He doesn't look real.
Help me! Help me, please! Help! You okay, sir? What a bunch a crap.
You believe that malarkey? Can I watch the news for once without your commentary? I'm just saying, it was obviously computer-generated.
Totally fake.
Like that Looch Niss Monster.
Loch Ness monster, you idiot! Loch Ness monster.
It's the nightly news, Frank.
So? They can't lie on the nightly news.
And youse think that I'm stupid? Frank, Graboids are a known fact.
All right? There's books, there's articles.
It's an irreconcilable thing that you just gonna have to accept, all right? Accept.
This is coming from a guy who thought Geraldo was gonna find millions in Capone's vault.
Me, I don't buy that crap unless I see it with my own two eyes.
That's the difference between you and me.
Yeah, one of many.
Listen, seriously, I know Kinney said we should stay out of the casinos, but there's this other place You know what? I'm gonna prove it to you.
What are you talking about? The Graboid.
What about it? You're gonna see it with your own two idiotic eyes.
I'm taking you there, to Perfection Valley.
Don't waste your time.
Listen, I know this other joint.
It's right off the strip.
What, are you scared? Scared of what? I ain't no scared of the boogey man, I ain't no scared of the tooth fairy, or I ain't no scared of the giant plastic worm.
So you wanna go.
Right.
Right.
You wanna go? I wanna go.
You wanna go? Let's go.
Now.
I wanna go.
Right now.
Giant worms, my ass.
Hey, Max.
Would you believe that? I been playing this thing for three hours.
Hey, you're welcome.
I primed it for you.
Don't worry.
Relax.
You can keep my cut.
What are you guys doing to me, huh? You double-teaming me? I got Burt with his weekend survival students wandering around everyplace.
Now I got you feeding tourists to El Blanco? The guy didn't tell me he was getting off the jeep.
I very clearly warned them Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Every tourist you haul out into the desert is your responsibility.
Even the stupid ones.
So as for now, the tour is suspended.
Why? 'Cause some local station plays a videotape? Some local station? Try Las Vegas television, and by tonight, every major cable network in the country.
No big deal.
The cycle on something like this is a week, tops.
Oh, oh, yeah, that's great.
That's still plenty of time for all official Washington to catch a glimpse.
This reflects badly on me.
Oh, it's all about you, huh? What about me? You got no right to shut me down.
Oh Actually, the regulations state that no tourist is to be off of your vehicle within 500 yards of El Blanco.
Do I need to cite the obvious infraction of that rule? How am I supposed to control every yahoo that has it in his head to take a walk on my watch? I don't know.
Chain 'em to their seats.
It's not my problem.
The good news, you'll have plenty of time to figure that one out.
Aren't you gonna say something? What's to say? You'll let Twitchell shut me down? Fewer civilians suits me.
Burt, you have to remember that our livelihood relies on tourism.
Not mine.
No? I have crunched the numbers.
If his tour is shut down for even a month, my sales are cut 37%.
Nancy's impulse-purchase margin practically disappears.
And your survival school? It loses the coveted word-of-mouth appeal completely.
We all suffer.
Point taken.
Good.
What do you want, Gummer? I want you to give the Graboid tour another chance.
Why would I do that? Two reasons.
One, Tyler has proven to be a major asset when you send us on assignments.
You don't wanna lose him.
Two? Two, I can guarantee you that El Blanco will never come into conflict with the Graboid tour again.
How you gonna do that? Trust me.
Gummer, Gummer Let's just say, if I'm wrong, I'll give up the survival school.
You got a deal.
But one tourist hair gets mussed up, it's on your head.
Understood.
Pay up.
Thank you.
What'd you say to him? Don't worry about it.
All you need to worry about is taking better care of your human cargo from now on.
Atta boy, Burt.
Hey, I'm looking for your Graboid Adventure Tour.
You found it.
You sure? The one from the news, right? "You're in the home of the legendary Graboid "who had an altercation with my dearly departed" " dearly departed Dodge Charger.
" Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, Frank, this is the guy.
This is the guy from TV, man.
How you doing? Howdy.
Hey, well, look, man, we'd like to take your tour.
Well, great.
I got a group from Vancouver tomorrow afternoon.
But I think I could squeeze you gentlemen in.
Um, look, man, tomorrow's not gonna be so good.
You know, we're kinda on a schedule.
Well, I'm sorry, but, can't take the tour out with less than four people.
It's not economically viable.
You kidding me? What the hell else you got to do in this dump? Pardon me? You got to excuse Frank over here.
He gets carsick and that makes him cranky.
Look, the point is, he's under the impression that your Graboid is a figment of the imagination.
Man, you got no idea how real El Blanco is.
Look, man, I believe you, you know, but Frank over here, like I said, is skeptical by nature.
So, uh, therefore, I would appreciate it if you could put all his doubts to rest.
Look, come here.
And you know, I'm willing to make it, as you said, economically viable.
Okay, we're out of here.
Okay, we're out of here.
What are you doing? That's on a need-to-know basis.
You don't.
Someone get up on the wrong side of the bunker today? For 11 years the Valley was clear of any Graboid activity until a new batch spawned.
Our little slice of heaven was afflicted again.
If it wasn't for Burt Gummer and Desert Jack Sawyer Hey, man, we've been tooling around here for an hour.
Are we actually gonna see the Graboid? That's hard to say.
Yes or no works for me.
Hey, El Blanco's a wild animal.
No telling where he'll show up or when.
Like I said, a complete scam.
What was that? Just keep looking for the worm, okay, partner? Yee-haw.
Yee-haw! Ride 'em cowboy, ride 'em good.
Phony.
Phony as a $2 bill.
Frankie.
You just hang on back there.
Yeah, I'm hanging on.
Frankie.
Yeah.
Sorry about not seeing El Blanco today, guys.
You come back anytime I'll take you out again half-price.
So you get to screw us twice.
There's no guarantees on the tour.
You both signed that on the release.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry all the way to the bank.
Look.
I don't mean to be rude, but I don't like being called a liar on a good day.
Today's not a good day.
We clear? No, we're not.
We're not clear.
Come a little closer.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Look.
I apologize for my friend's manners.
All right? Okay? I didn't realize he had any.
Hey! Hey, hey! Frank! Frank! Come on.
Come on! Come on! You take it down a notch.
Take it down a notch.
I think you two should leave.
Yeah? I think you should give Max, here, his money back.
The least you could've done was put a show on.
Even strippers do that.
Oh, yeah? You wanna see El Blanco? Why don't you go see him yourself.
You won't be disappointed.
Neither will I.
Phony cowboy.
I'm onto that action.
Frank.
Frank.
What are you doing, huh? Frank, Frank! What are you doing? We're supposed to be keeping a low profile? Huh? Hey, I'm just pouring it on thick for that slick little con artist.
Trying to get you your money back.
If it doesn't work? I still enjoy watching you waste your money.
Yeah, well, look, we're not done here.
Oh, we're done.
We're definitely done.
We're done when I say we're done.
How much we getting on this gig? We're getting 1% of 20 million, so one divided by That's 100 G's each, Einstein.
I'll put up my 100 G's against yours that that Graboid is real.
What do you say? What do I say? I say the only thing I enjoy more than watching you waste your money, is watching you lose money to me.
Come on.
You gotta relax, Frank.
Yee-haw! Relax! Hey, remember that time at Kansas City? The steaks? My car's never gonna smell the same again.
Hey, yeah, I said I could eat a dozen steaks and damn it, I ate a dozen steaks.
Yeah.
But you couldn't keep 'em down.
Come on, drop it.
Oh, Maronna.
God bless you, honey.
Hey, they grow 'em spicy out here, huh? Can I help you? Yeah, what's her address? Oh, nowhere near your zip code.
We're interested in some hiking equipment.
Mmm, sure.
Rosalita, what's wrong? The perdedores we allow in this town.
Did they bother you? Guys like that always bother me.
Do you know those guys? No, but I know the type.
From Vegas? From your Flamingo days? Look, when you settled down on your uncle's ranch, none of us believed it was because deep down you were Annie Oakley.
Really? Yeah.
Hey, I played her in my seventh grade production of Annie Get Your Gun.
Even if you hate cows and dust, you're one of us now, Rosalita.
Family.
And if you're in some kind of trouble, we can help.
Well, I mean It's not like I saw a hit or anything.
It's just that they all know each other and I'd feel safer if those two didn't know my name, you know? You got it, Mrs.
Smith.
Right.
Blankets.
Space blankets.
Canteens.
Mmm-hmm.
Oh, yeah.
Suntan lotion.
Mmm-hmm.
For you, huh? Power bars.
Yes.
Yeah.
Hey, we already got watches.
Oh, these aren't watches.
These are wrist-seismos.
To monitor El Blanco? Now, all the safe hiking trails are clearly marked along the rim of the valley.
But just in case Oh, yeah, right.
Just in case Will you shut the hell up? Honestly, guys, El Blanco prefers eating people more than anything else.
So be careful.
He's gotten accustomed to the sounds we make.
Mmm, good.
That's a good one.
Yeah.
Ha! Phew! Whole town full of con artists.
How you doing? How you doing? Tough guy.
I knew our luck had to change.
These guys just doubled my average weekly profit, in cash no less.
They don't look like the souvenir type.
We're talking top-of-the-line hiking equipment.
My best stuff.
Hiking equipment? They certainly need it.
Did you see what they were wearing? No, no.
What? I didn't mean for them For them to what? This ain't my day.
Where are you going? Keeping an eye on them dudes.
We got to have some kinda time limit on this thing.
I heard you.
I got to see it up close.
That's the rule.
Out of the ground.
You'll be so close you'll have worm spit all over your shirt, all right? All right.
Okay, we're out of here.
Good morning, class.
Okay, we're out of here.
I'm Dr.
Pavlov.
Welcome to Tasty Tourist 101.
That concludes our first lesson.
And now for lesson two.
Okay, we're out of here.
Moving targets.
El Blanco, my friend, you'll have to live with the disappointment.
Hello! Hello! What are you supposed to do? Call it like a dog? You make a noise, you idiot.
That's what calls it.
If you'd read your literature, you'd know that.
Come and get it, El Blanco! Why'd you let me fall? Why'd you let me fall? I gotcha, man, I got your back.
Come and get it! Just like in Kansas City.
That's it, get the monster.
And now for your final exam.
Okay, we're out of here.
Summa cum laude.
No more terrorizing tourists for you.
What the hell is going on? Not your concern.
Come on, Burt, what are you doing? I might ask the same thing of you.
I was keeping an eye on some bonehead city tourists until I heard World War III start.
Well, if you're keeping an eye on them, what are you doing with me? I can't even count the ways I don't need your attitude today, Burt.
Noted.
Okay.
Enough.
I'm bored already.
It's enough when I say it's enough.
Don't be a sore loser.
Come on.
What'd I tell you, Frank? Huh? It's him.
That's him! These people are good.
Even the watches are in on the scam.
Frankie.
Frankie.
Stay on the rocks, all right? Sorry, Max.
Tyler, come in.
Any sign? Nothing.
I been down every hiking trail out here.
Copy that.
Come on back.
I'll take over.
I told you, I searched everywhere.
You know, it's possible they just left town.
It's possible if you watched them the way you were supposed to, we'd know where they are.
Over.
Well, if someone hadn't been playing war games in the canyon Listen, there's a little bit more at stake here than your pride.
Yeah, meaning what? I put the survival school on the line to keep your tour running.
You did what? You had no right to do that.
Burt! Burt! You still there? Burt! Hey, you okay? We got lost in the desert.
Hey, where's your friend? Max? We had a little accident.
You better sit down.
It was so fast.
So ugly.
Just one bite.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Better report this to Twitchell.
Who's Twitchell? Department of Interior oversees the Valley.
Like, a Fed? That's right.
Is that necessary? Huh? I mean I mean, you know.
You know, it was an accident.
Why get Federal, right? I mean, Max wouldn't want that.
Such a fuss.
Afraid that's regulations out here.
What the hell was that? You shouldn't have done it, Burt.
I'm the one who screwed up.
I should pay the price.
I don't need you giving up your school just to You're alive! Where's the other one? No.
No.
Why don't I take you into the other room? You can rest there.
Twitchell? Gummer here.
I'm so sorry about your friend.
Oh, no.
What's wrong? No! No.
Oh, God.
I'm dead.
I'm dead.
The key! What key? The key! What key? To Max's car.
The key to Max's car.
Oh, here they are.
Here they are.
I found them.
It's just the car meant so much to Max.
It's just It was very special to him.
You guys are being naive.
This is not about El Blanco.
Then what's it about? It's about guys like those two do not come all the way from Las Vegas just to hike.
Why not? Our trails are just as good as Let me put it to you this way.
There is a real connection between Las Vegas missing persons rate and guys like those two going into the desert with shovels.
Don't you get it? It was a hit! Two guys go into the desert, one comes out.
And El Blanco is the most perfect alibi.
You been watching too much TV.
Excuse me.
I need to make a call.
I think, uh, Max's family should know he's gonna be late for dinner.
Go ahead.
Hey, think I could have some privacy, please? Oh, sure.
Of course.
Yeah.
Delores? It's Frank.
Yeah, I'm in Perfection Valley.
Listen, uh, I got something to I got something to tell you.
It's Max.
I got some bad news.
He's gone.
Got eaten by a giant worm.
Yeah, from the TV.
Right.
Listen.
There's something else.
Max had the key on him.
He is acting weird, isn't he? His friend just got eaten.
It's more than that.
He got real mad when he thought he lost his keys, like to his getaway car.
And then he got all worried when Burt said that Twitchell works for the government.
Mistrust of the government is no cause for suspicion.
Look, these guys won't win my Customer-of-the-Year Award, but that doesn't make 'em murderers.
Rosalita, you said that these guys reminded you of people from your past.
Probably you're just projecting your feelings.
Oh, come on! Don't cry, Delores.
It'll be okay.
Listen.
I got to get that key back.
We got to get that key back.
But I can't do it by myself.
I need some help here.
I'm begging you.
Throw me a bone.
Okay? Okay, okay.
I'll be there.
All right.
Okay.
The tragic news has been delivered.
I'm gonna go get some rest now.
Uh, let's go over this one more time.
How exactly did the accident happen? What are you, stunad? That worm came out of the ground and ate Max.
How else? Max, he loved hiking.
He was a real outdoors person.
And I wanted to surprise him for his birthday.
I got him good, too.
He had no idea.
No idea.
I He was so happy.
So alive.
And now he's dead.
Heck, I killed my best friend.
I am so sorry for your loss.
You're a kind and loving person, that's what you are.
Oh, you guys are not buying this crap! Something's not right.
He's in shock, for God's sake.
That's not it.
How can you people be so heartless just because they have an urban sensibility and dress differently? God forbid, the 21st century should come into Perfection every once in a while.
He said his friend loved to hike.
They seem like hikers to you? Maybe we should call the cops.
And tell them what? That Rosalita's getting some bad mojo off a guy in a velour track suit? You see? I told you.
An innocent man would never leave town without saying goodbye.
Mmm-hmm.
Hey.
Don't ever call me Delores again, I don't care who's listening.
What do you got in there? We not only wanna kill this thing, we wanna make sure it doesn't die out of our reach.
Right.
So What's that? Oh.
Holy mackerels! Maronna.
Yeah.
A little something on loan from the Treasure Island Casino.
You can say that again.
Let's clip the worm, huh? If it's too much trouble keeping visitors alive the least you can do is keep track of the survivors! He snuck away, okay? You know, guys like these don't stick around to answer questions.
You know, between you and your crime stories, and Gummer and his conspiracy theories Go ahead, make fun of me.
But I've seen what can happen.
Where, between shows at the Flamingo? Believe it or not, connected guys love to hang around showgirls.
It was never my scene, but, I have friends who made really bad choices.
Listen, Twitch, about Burt's school.
He made his bed.
Yeah, but Jodi, Burt here.
Come back.
Yeah, Burt? Found something that Twitchell might want to see.
He's got company now.
What makes you think this is related to your runaway tourist? This! Burt, got a hammer and a screwdriver? Sure.
Thank you.
Excuse me, boys.
Where'd you pick that up? Triple-A.
These were printed last night.
"Vital statistics, proper equipment, killing radius.
" It's all about Graboids.
Not this.
What's that? The history of whaling.
Hey, Burt.
Here's a direct quote from you.
"Regarding the killing of Graboids.
"If high explosives are not readily available, "one may rely on any number of methods employed in the hunting of large animals, "i.
e.
, elephants, bears, whales.
" This guy's done a lot of research on killing Graboids.
He's out there right now with our amigo, Frank, putting it to practical use.
Well, what are you talking about? Someone's put a hit on El Blanco.
But why? Ask him when we catch him.
I'll take the north end of the Valley.
Affirmative.
Oh, no! Don't argue with me, Gummer.
These two mokes have messed with my territory.
That is unacceptable.
I'm going with you.
No way, this is a dangerous situation.
That's why I'm going with you.
Twenty million in negotiable bearer bonds.
I did the hard part.
All you two had to do was get it from A to B, and you still screwed it up.
It's my ass in the sling if I don't get those bonds to Chicago.
Oh, they're gonna kill you for sure.
Oh, yeah.
I sponsored you so they're gonna save the creative stuff for me.
Let's just find the damn key.
Let's do that.
You're not keeping to the tracks! Shouldn't you be, you know, following 'em? I'm looking for El Blanco.
He'll lead us to the enemy.
That is, if we can find him.
He's still out of range.
Hey, Burt, come in.
Burt here.
We're north of the canyon.
No sign of El Blanco.
What's your twenty? Due east of your position.
I don't see him either.
What's this? To make noise? Where'd you get that? Neighbor's garage.
You're really prepared.
Yeah, if I was prepared I wouldn't have worn these boots.
Really, they hurting you? These are comfortable as hell.
Get 'em off.
What? Get 'em off.
Boots It's all right.
Something different, you know.
Anything? Oh, I see him.
He's right there.
Up on the left.
Hey, Burt, we've got EB.
North of the canyon.
Copy.
I'm a heartbeat away! You're right.
They're comfortable.
What'd I tell you? Oh, by the way.
Yeah.
You get to gut it after I kill it.
What do you think these guys get out of killing El Blanco? Whatever it is, you can be sure it involves money.
Coming! He's coming! Oh, they're right there.
Around the corner.
They're right around the corner.
Be aware they may be packing.
Who isn't? You said it was El Blanco! Well, all those bleeps look the same to me, all right? Hey, Burt, false alarm.
No killers, just a herd of burros.
And no sign of El Blanco.
Is that him? Affirmative! Tyler, we got him now.
He's heading right for me! The bogies must be between us! Hey, Burt! What? That! It's their truck! Yeah, come on.
Come on, baby.
Come a little closer, Mr.
Worm.
I got her, I got her Hold it right there! Burt, you okay out there? We're taking heavy fire.
They're shooting at you? Affirmative, Tyler.
I'm on my way.
Negative, Tyler.
This is no time for nobility.
Simple practicality.
First we gotta make sure El Blanco is safe.
Well, what about you? I can take care of myself.
I need your help with El Blanco.
Okay, okay.
What do you need? I tossed a concussion grenade but he won't stay away long.
Hey, Burt's right, there he goes.
Are you sure this time? Yes, I'm sure.
All right, Burt, he's on his way.
I'll cut him off and lead him to safety.
Copy that.
Then I'm coming after you.
These people are insane, trying to protect that thing.
Are we gonna talk? Or are we gonna take care of business? What, do you think I'm Barry Bonds? Just make some noise with the thing, all right? I'm gonna cover the Good Samaritans here.
Me? Yeah.
You caused this $20 million problem.
Be part of the solution.
No way, you haven't seen what that frigging worm can do.
Key or no key, I ain't doing it.
Okay, I'm gonna give you a choice.
A, you're gonna volunteer to make some Graboid-friendly noises, or B, I'm gonna kneecap you and then you're gonna make the noises.
What's your pleasure? I'll do it.
Go.
Come on, worm.
Come on, worm.
He's over on the left.
Gotcha.
Getting close.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
He's avoiding us.
What? Look for yourself.
Well, I'm right on top of him, he's got to be able to hear me.
He definitely doesn't like you.
Get off of me.
What! Hey, Burt, we got a problem here.
You've got a problem? El Blanco won't follow us.
He's still heading for the bad guys.
No.
Oh, no.
The tour jeep.
What about the tour jeep? I conditioned El Blanco to avoid all contact with your vehicle.
That's what you were doing in the canyon.
I didn't want him to attack the tour again.
Well, you should've told me that.
I did it for the good of Perfection.
A lot of good it's doing us now, Gummer.
Hello? I need some direction out here.
New plan.
I'm gonna draw El Blanco away myself.
You're gonna what? That is definitely not a good idea.
No other choice.
There's nothing El Blanco wants more than a piece of me.
I'm gonna run for those rocks and then get El Blanco out of here.
Be careful, Burt.
We're on our way.
We'll be there soon.
But what am I supposed to do? Well, you could cover me, but you lost my gun.
So stay down.
Consider it done.
Come on, worm.
It's coming, it's coming! El Blanco, you stinking compost heap! Come and get me! Oh! He's going The worm's getting away.
Start the truck! The worm's getting away! I knew you couldn't resist me! Yeah, come on.
Come on.
Come and get me! Yeah! There they are! Stop.
Stop.
Come on, hey! What the Go, go, go.
Who the hell are they? Come on, let's go! Let's go! Burt! You okay? What are you waiting for? No! No! Take cover.
Let's go! Where'd you learn to shoot like that? Girl Scouts.
Kinney? Kinney, you all right? Oh, man.
Stay quiet! What'd I tell you? I told you.
I told you to be careful.
Oh, man! What am I gonna do now? Stop moving.
Stop it! I'm coming! I'm coming! Come on, baby! Hold on, money! Oh, Maronna Oh, freaking What the hell just happened here? Here.
Hey, Burt.
I never said thank you.
No big deal.
You put your survival school on the line for me.
I appreciate that.
Looks like El Blanco had dessert.
Don't be too sure.
Footprints.