Ultimate Spider-Man (2011) s01e06 Episode Script

1x06 - Why I Hate Gym [motorcycle.]
Leap, forward leap.
Flip! [laughs.]
[motorcycle racing.]
C'est bon.
C'est magnifique.
[Doc Ock.]
My employer will pay handsomely for the delivery of Spider-Man, Taskmaster.
[Taskmaster.]
A guy with four arms should be able to grab one bug by himself, Octavius.
Yeah.
I don't get out much.
His moves I can master.
My powers cover that.
But the tech makes it trickier.
No wonder your employer is eager.
Your suckatude knows no bounds, Batroc.
Oh! Gaw! Oh! Batroc the Leaper.
So off the radar, SHIELD doesn't have a real file on him.
What's to know? He's French.
He leaps.
And zee bug goes splat.
[grunting.]
Spider-Man.
Nick Fury says get back to SHIELD HQ for training.
Just because he's the director of SHIELD doesn't mean he can boss me around.
Besides, Fury would be the first to say going solo on B-listers like Batroc is good training.
Don't be so official, White Tiger.
When life gives you Batroc, make French toast.
- Uh! - A boot in the face.
Hee-yah! Oof! [low groan.]
To expose all this new threat.
We won't rest until Way to go it alone.
Get lazy and even the lame ones can splatter you.
That's what training's for.
That and mastering new tools like electric claws.
Leap! The leap is life! Flip and leap.
Leap.
Ya! Ah! C'est pue.
[Jameson.]
Is Spider-Man a student at Midtown High? - Recently it was attacked - Where does he get this stuff? [growl.]
Taskmaster, I have to pay for that you know.
High school, huh? Can't wait.
I'm great with kids.
And so, all city campuses run on high alert.
Report any suspicious persons immediately.
[Flash.]
Huh, I see one now.
[laughter.]
Pretty good show with Batroc ze Leaper last night, huh, Ava? Lapse training, late for school.
Good show, Parker.
Hey, Pete.
They're saying Spidey goes to the school.
Girls love heroes, so help me spread the rumor it's me, huh? It probably is you, Harry.
Who else could afford all those webs he squirts all over everything? Spider-Man doesn't squirt, MJ.
He shoots.
And I don't think it's a good idea for anyone to pose as him right now.
Oh! Speaking of squirts [Coulson.]
Thompson, Parker.
Pay attention.
Your gym teacher, Mr.
Molskin will be out due to a freak accident after last night's game.
[whistling.]
[trailing.]
Ah! Well, coach.
Looks like you finally broke that state field goal record.
Mr.
Jager will be your substitute until further notice.
I look forward to the challenge of unlocking your hidden talents.
Awkward phrasing or veiled threat? You be the judge.
[Flash.]
Dodge ball! [grunting.]
Wait! [slowed audio.]
Wait! I could in fact dodge this ball.
But I choose not to in order to protect my identity and thus all the kids in this school.
Even king jerk, Flash Thompson, who has it all but still thinks he has to get one up on me.
D'oh! [slowed audio.]
D'oh! [Flash.]
You lose, again.
[grunting.]
[Ava.]
Jeez, Parker.
A little overkill just to maintain your cover.
Is that your face print? I'm looking for finalists for the citywide athletic achievement contest.
I want to see everything you've got in this obstacle course.
Push yourselves to the limit.
Don't give me less than 110 percent.
You can learn something from him.
- How to creep people out? - Mr.
Thompson.
Go! I'll show you how it's done.
You could be promising.
[computer sound.]
Very promising.
First to finish.
Good, huh, coach? - Am I in? - Okay, next one up.
Go! Ayala, next.
Rand, next.
Osborn, next.
Cage.
Can we get some man-sized tires up in here people? Seriously.
Mr.
Parker.
You're last.
How sweet would it be to show them all what I can really do? Move on to the citywide championships.
Ha! Ya! Ya! [cheering.]
You can begin anytime today.
The course doesn't run itself, Mr.
Parker.
[thinking.]
Right build, right size.
Perfect candidate.
[groaning.]
Uh Ah! Oi.
I'll see three of you here tomorrow for the final cut.
Rand, Osborn, Thompson.
The rest of you, anemic.
- Tomorrow? Saturday? - Did I stutter? Danny, Flash and Harry? Harry? I aced that thing.
Why am I not a finalist? Because I'm a girl? Are you the only person on Earth who sees school on a Saturday as a good thing? Fury is so right.
You're soft.
You know, I say we show Mr.
Jager who can do what.
You and me are going to come back tomorrow anyway, list or no list and run that course again.
If I'm late, you can start without me.
Finish too.
I'm beat.
I have tomorrow set aside for sleep.
[yawns.]
Doesn't that Jager creep you out? [continued groans.]
I work with a guy whose feet stick to walls.
No one creeps me out.
[groans.]
Coulson.
[grunting.]
Good to see you again.
Even better to see that SHIELD added security enhancements to the school.
That makes my life much easier.
Spider-Man's not so much.
[cheering.]
****2**** [Jameson.]
I was 100 percent wrong.
He's not a menace.
J.
Jonah Jameson goes on record proclaiming that today should be Spider-Man day in Manhattan.
In fact, every day should be Spider-Man day.
[phone ringing.]
You gonna answer that phone? [ringing continues.]
Hello? Peter, have you heard from Harry? It's noon, and no one's come out from the gym yet.
I'm not late for training.
Something's wrong.
I can't get into the school.
The fence is electrified.
[yawns.]
[sizzle.]
It's Saturday.
Why are you Did you say the school's electrified? Get here, now.
Quick enough for you? - Oh! - That's right, I'm that good.
[angry groan.]
Something's up.
- We should call Coulson.
- No.
We should go solo on this.
Eh, you know, together.
We can handle this.
SHIELD added security to protect the school from well, for us.
Probably just a misfire.
[electronic sounds.]
I mean, who electrifies a fence and leaves the door unlocked? Dark, creepy, dank.
I told you not to come to school on a Saturday.
[Stan.]
Hello? Is anyone there? Help! Help! Can anyone hear me? Oh, I sure could use a hand.
I've got myself in quite a pickle here.
Oh, if Irving Forbush could see me now.
Hang tight, janitor guy.
We'll get you out.
[straining.]
[grunting.]
Mucho malfunction security system.
Oh, my.
- Don't move.
- Whoa! [trailing.]
Aaah! [low crash.]
[janitor.]
Wow, there's a lot of wax build-up down here.
Who built the security? Dr.
Doom? I'm calling Coulson.
[beeping.]
No phone needed.
- He's here.
- On a Saturday? Agent Coulson? [Coulson.]
Don't come into my office.
[screams.]
I can see why he wanted to be alone.
- Nice tighty whities.
- The whole school is rigged.
Taskmaster corrupted the SHIELD security tech.
- Who? - Assassin.
Hates me.
Hates Fury.
We have to contact Fury.
You can't.
He jammed the frequencies.
You shouldn't have come to school today.
Told you.
[growls.]
Work on getting yourselves out of here, and then find Fury.
Don't waste time on me, and definitely don't go after Taskmaster alone.
He's a combat chameleon.
Do you understand? Wait.
He was bitten by a radioactive chameleon? [Harry screams.]
That's Harry.
I remember that scream from slasher movie night at camp.
Come on! [Coulson.]
If Taskmaster sees you do it, he can do it.
Fight him once, he's as good as you, you hear me? [Harry screams.]
What did Coulson just say? I don't know.
I couldn't hear him.
Spidey-sense.
Get down! If Flash and Harry are here at least they've got Danny to protect them.
[Harry.]
He's right behind us.
[Flash.]
Keep running.
Slow and steady, dudes.
Slow and look out! - [Harry.]
Danny! Danny! - Get to safety.
[announcer.]
Fight! - Kiyaah! - Ha! Your technique.
Years of study in K'un Lun.
[computer sounds.]
Kiyaah! [computer sounds.]
Kiyaah! Years for you, seconds for me.
[groaning.]
Kiyaah! [groaning.]
Oh! - Who taught you that move? - You did.
These, too.
[fighting.]
Uh! [groaning.]
[sighs.]
You're good, kid, but not the one I'm looking for.
There they are.
- You think he's behind us? - I'm not looking.
[both shouting.]
Which of you is going to change into Spider-Man before anyone else gets hurt? They're in danger.
It's the moment you've trained for.
[laughs.]
Oh, wait, that's right.
You never train.
Whoa! Flash, don't leave me here.
Hey, I'm the strongest guy in school, but I'm no Spider-Man.
You're obviously not him.
Come on out, Spider.
It's go time.
[scraping.]
Flash is in your locker.
What's the plan? Eh, don't move a muscle.
Let him do whatever with Flash first, and then I have to agree.
Flash does deserve his comeuppance.
And then you could Only Flash could get these two to agree on something.
He wants me, he gets me.
- You get Harry and Flash somewhere safe.
- Great plan.
Destroying school property goes on your permanent record, you know.
Oh, decided to come clean, Thompson? Huh? [fighting.]
[computer.]
Oh! You're next.
He's copying your moves, web head.
Didn't anyone ever tell you copying is cheating? [fighting.]
I call it winning.
Oh! [slowed audio.]
Oh! End of the line, Thompson.
You can take off the mask.
I was going to say the same thing.
If it is a mask, ugly.
[screams.]
Mr.
Jager? Our gym teacher? [referee's whistle.]
The management would like to point out that we in no way mean to suggest that all gym teachers are sadistic taskmasters who live to bring misery to high-schoolers everywhere except the ones who do.
[blows whistle.]
Oh! So that test was only about finding Spider-Man? Now I don't feel so bad about gettin' cut.
I'll show you both the benefits of training.
[fighting.]
Oh brother.
Never met a move I couldn't match.
Yours, Spider's.
That K'un Lun kid's.
Danny? What did you do to him? Tiger! Ah! I'm guessing you know Coulson through SHIELD.
Fury certainly gives you kids some age inappropriate toys for your school.
So you're just another gym teacher who wants to kill me? Kill you? Hardly.
I'm here to offer you a job.
Accept everyone wins.
Refuse no one gets out alive.
And I turn you over to my employer.
Limited time offer.
Clock's ticking.
[ticking.]
Wait a job, huh? ****3**** A powerful man hired me to bring you to him.
But I'm powerful myself.
And I'm offering you an opportunity to be part of something amazing, Spider-Man.
Amazing Spider-Man.
Sounds pretty catchy.
"Amazing Spider-Man.
" Hmm, let me write that down.
That could be big.
But I can only imagine that what this guy considers amazing would be less than spectacular.
[TV playing.]
[burps.]
- Pick it up.
- Yes, sir.
So you're not just a madman.
You're a double-crossing madman? Nature of the business.
Fury double crossed me, just like he'll double cross you when it suits him.
Wait, you worked for Fury? Note to self: Web Coulson's tighty whities to his forehead for leaving out important info.
[Spider-Man.]
Hey, Coulson! Ah! Sure, and like you, I had tech.
I had a team.
Now look at me.
Yeah, I'd rather not.
And don't try to trick me.
I took reverse psychology where I got a reverse A, which is, you know, still an A.
You'd choose death over partnership? If that was my only choice.
But it's not.
[whirring and loud explosion.]
Ah! Oh! All the work, the training useless.
He has all our skills and SHIELD weapons.
He can predict our every move.
We're dead.
Maybe he can fight like Spider-Man, but he can't think like Peter Parker.
He mimics what we do, so let's do what we don't.
Not going to work.
He copies what we do as soon as he sees it.
What if he doesn't see it? I've got something in my locker just for this.
[snoring.]
[gasps.]
Spider-Man.
Save me.
Eh, no.
You're safer in here.
I know, I know.
I shouldn't have done that.
Uh-oh, Tiger.
I think Taskmaster spotted me.
Darn those budget cuts.
No lights on the weekends, Tasky! You're only prolonging the inevitable.
Then we might as well make it fun, right? [growls.]
[door slams.]
Tiger, turn on the night vision.
I make this spider night vision look good.
Come out, come out wherever you are, little spider.
You can't beat me.
I know all your moves.
Hee-yah! [Spider-Man.]
You ain't seen nothing yet.
- And you ain't gonna.
- Ah! [fighting.]
It's dark, but you're still you.
Oof! And I know what you do.
You sure about that? Ah! Not bad for a first timer.
Recognize where you are, Jager? You just did me a favor.
I have a photographic memory.
I can move through here as well as if the lights were on.
You could if everything was still where it was yesterday, sucker.
[Spider-Man.]
Ya! Ah! Yee-ah! [grunting.]
Ah! Spidey, you got him? Dodge ball! [grunts.]
Nice shot.
Been practicing? Now I know why you use these.
This is fun.
It's not too late for you to join me.
Yeah, you might think I'm a loser, but I don't.
Then I'll simply expose your identity as Flash Thompson to the entire world.
Which Flash Thompson? That one? Yeah, loser.
He can't get out, right? It's Spider-Man, Jager, not Spider-Teen.
But this school is still under my watch, just like the rest of the city.
- There's a lesson for you here - Yeah, you just got schooled.
Not helping.
[beeps.]
[coughing.]
Nice distraction, Thompson.
How many masks can one guy wear? - You're asking me? - Think he'll be back with a different face? He knows what he's up against, if he shows whatever face he's got around here again.
Ho-ho-ho, 'cause he got schooled.
Yeah, it's still not working.
Yeah, no whatever you say, Spider-Man.
And that's why I hate gym.
School's a dead end.
Trust me.
You want the spider, you'll have to make him come to you.
[growls.]
[angry shouting.]
You'll have to pay for those, remember? That's right, throw your tantrum and look somewhere else for Spider-Man.
'Cause now that I know where he hangs out, that bug is mine.
No one in this school is cool enough to be Spidey, so forget that rumor.
That said, I totally helped Spider-Man save the dump.
I was this close to him! We're buds! [chatter.]
Flash Thompson finally did me a favor.
Taskmaster never even suspected Peter Parker was Spider-Man.
Your creativity was just as strategic as my training.
- More even.
- Really? Going solo paid off, okay? There's still one thing I don't get at all.
- The tight briefs.
Really? - I swim.
Leave the man's underwear alone, Pete, or he'll get short with you.
[laughs.]
Does SHIELD have some kind of mind wiper, because I really need that image out of my head.