Uncoupled (2022) s01e06 Episode Script

1
We look good.
You look good. I look amazing.
Saw your video. Nice camera work.
But you'll never get that price
for such a mid-to low-end building
with no doorman.
It's a beautiful building.
And I live there, so watch it.
Oh dear. So your packages
just squat on the lobby floor?
- Do you even have a lobby?
- We have a lobby.
Got it.
Okay, at some point, you guys
are either gonna have to fuck or fight.
Ooh. Hate fuck. Another exciting item
for my new single life checklist.
Whoa, forget about Tyler.
This video is blowing up.
- Oh!
- Look at all these comments.
"Gorgeous lighting and fixtures."
"Beautiful layout."
"I just want to bury my face in your fat"
Okay, I'mma delete this one.
Ugh! Billy is hosting a roller disco
for GLSN tonight. Wanna come?
No, I've had dinner with you
so much lately.
Tonight, I wanna go home, take off my bra,
and eat dinner out of the carton.
I hate eating dinner alone.
I don't know if it's that I miss Colin
or miss always having a dinner date.
Men. Do we love 'em
for the dick or the date?
The great debate of all time.
The ladies like to ♪
Shake it like it's 1999 ♪
Look at you two. Straight outta Xanadu.
There's nothing straight about Xanadu.
Truth. Now hurry. Let's get out here
and show these boys what you got.
I can't even skate. I just didn't want
to stay home alone again.
You're missing out
on one of life's great joys.
I love my me time.
Home alone, no one to bother me.
- Just you and Pornhub.
- That accounts for just a fraction.
But seriously, you need to embrace it.
Do everything you couldn't do
when Colin was there.
What, like eat garlic at dinner?
Leave the bed unmade for ten minutes?
Well, I guess I can fart whenever I want.
- That is a big advantage to being single.
- Charming.
You couldn't fart around each other
after all those years?
Colin said once you do,
the end of the relationship
is around the corner.
I'm with Colin.
You guys keep talking about this,
and I'm going to end our relationships.
Why do you think I insisted
on an apartment with a terrace?
I needed to survive.
I guess that explains
everybody stepping outside to smoke.
Exactly. Okay, I'm gonna
take these for a spin. Wish me luck!
Oh!
Good luck!
Oh shit. Jerry's here.
Is he someone you fucked,
or someone you fucked over?
Neither. He's a new teleprompter guy
from the station.
He keeps trying to hang out with me.
Not my type,
but I have to keep him on my good side.
One typo and I'm that dumb hot guy
from the news bloopers.
You get shallower and shallower
as this conversation goes on.
We're all shallow. I'm just honest
about it, which makes me deep.
Anyway, I lied and told him
I had to cancel our dinner last week
because my friend Stanley
is having an emotional crisis.
Michael is actually having
an emotional crisis.
Why didn't you use him?
Sorry. You've been
my emotional crisis go-to for years.
I'm too old to change horses.
Here he comes. Keep that sad face going.
Billy! So good to finally see you
out of the station.
Yeah. You too.
Jerry, this is my friend Stanley James,
whom I may have mentioned.
Oh, yes, Stanley. Hi there.
How are you?
I'm fine.
Now.
Okay. I'm gonna go attend
to my hosting duties.
I'll see you boys on the ice.
Wait. Are you the Stanley James?
The art dealer?
Never been called
the Stanley James before.
Please continue.
I follow your gallery.
You have the best eye
for emerging artists.
Such great taste.
I'm I'm a little starstruck.
Well, thank you.
Next time you're in the neighborhood,
say hello.
I will.
Maybe I can take you out to lunch,
and you can tell me
how you built such an awesome career.
Only if you tell me how you managed
to get into teleprompting.
I have disco body parts ♪
You can play them in the park ♪
You can tune me as an instrument ♪
And disco in the dark ♪
- I have disco body parts ♪
- Hey.
- Oh!
- You can play them in the park ♪
- You can tune me as an instrument ♪
- Oh. Oh my God.
I am so sorry. Are you okay?
Yeah, I just got the wind
knocked out of me.
Okay, all right. There.
Hup!
Whoa!
Hey, you sure you're all right?
Yeah, really, I'm fine.
All right. Oh!
- Here.
- Oh!
Great. I'm, uh I'm Luke, by the way.
Michael. Hi.
Nice slamming into you.
Wow. You're funny.
And also super handsome.
Which means there is zero chance
that you're single.
Think again.
Really? Any interest in putting your
number in here so I can check up on you?
Here you go.
Nice to meet you, Michael.
You too.
Are you okay?
He ran over my toe. I think it's broken.
Get me to Urgent Care before I cry.
- You were holding all that in?
- He was hot!
Michael, can you come up here?
I was going to look at the bedrooms,
but I'm not sure
I see myself living in a townhouse.
Too many stairs.
I had the same thought
when you asked me to come up here.
Oh!
Anyway, let me make things easier for you.
You're gonna carry me down?
I want to live
in the building where the Masons live.
Uh, we checked before.
There's nothing for sale there.
Michael, everything's for sale.
It all comes down to a matter of price.
Hi.
Oh no! They booted you.
Honestly, it's no big deal.
It's just a couple of days.
Although I might keep it on longer
on account of how sexy it is.
You're joking, but I'm not not turned on.
Just tell me
you're not a professional soccer player.
Yeah. I'm in the pro,
over-40 geezer league
that's caught fire with all the kids.
I sell residential real estate.
What about you?
Oh, nothing that glamorous.
I am a third grade teacher.
First, I love that you think
showing grumpy, perpetually dissatisfied
people apartments is glamorous.
At least you're contributing to society.
- Shaping young minds.
- Oh, easy!
It's it's Dalton, not Stand and Deliver.
But it's little kids,
so I do have the strongest immune system
in the world.
I've been sneezed on more than Kleenex.
My ex and I talked about having kids,
but we never got around to it.
We're bad gays.
We didn't get married.
We didn't become dads.
We turned on Madonna.
- Wow, the trifecta!
- Yeah.
My ex wanted kids,
but as much as I love teaching, I didn't
wanna come home to more of that energy.
It's one of the things that broke us up.
That and his wandering penis.
So if you don't mind my asking,
what went wrong with you and
Colin.
He never really told me. He just left.
Have you got his name
off the credit cards yet?
That took me forever.
He got my name off in a day.
There was definitely
some advanced planning involved.
AmEx knew about our breakup
way before I did.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
Mm! Damn, that is good.
You know, Colin wouldn't share food.
Don would share,
but he was on a raw food diet
and would only eat food
warmed by the sun, so pass.
Let's not talk about our exes anymore.
Colin and Don
are hereby disinvited to the party.
Okay.
What do we do instead?
Hey, what do you think about taking this
inside somewhere? Say, my place?
If you could see what's going on
in my pants, you wouldn't have to ask.
Yeah?
I wanna make sure
we're not moving too fast.
Less pressure for you than it is for me.
Uh You're probably right.
- Oh, damn it. I didn't wanna be right!
- Oh!
Mm. Uh, I
Mm!
Mm Aah!
I get in my head, but I don't wanna
overthink this, 'cause it feels so right.
- Should we go for it?
- You don't have to ask me twice.
- I just did.
- Oh, shut up and get in the cab.
- You first.
- Oh!
Mm. Last night was amazing.
Mm!
You're the first person
to sleep in this bed since
You okay? You wanna talk about it?
A guy who wants to talk about my feelings?
You really are the exact opposite
of the last person
to occupy that side of the bed.
If you come with me ♪
I'll bring you to my fantasy ♪
We're seeing each other
five nights in a row. It's effortless.
Oh! Michael, that makes me so happy.
- Thanks.
- And guess what?
I'm not gonna be able to make poker
tomorrow night because,
and here come four words
I haven't said in a year,
I have a date.
Stanley! That's so great. Who with?
That guy Billy pawned me off on
at the skating party.
Cue card guy?
It's teleprompter.
And it's more interesting than it sounds.
Not a ton more, but enough.
And he's so into art!
So there's that.
Plus, he has perfect teeth.
You know how I am about teeth.
Fuck the eyes.
I think teeth are the windows to the soul.
Can you believe we both met great guys
at the same time? Maybe it's an omen.
Oh! I hope so. This almost makes me
wanna lift a weight.
If you come with me ♪
Well, that sounds great.
Okay, bye.
Hey, so we have an appointment
to show the place in your building
to a client tomorrow.
Oh, it is like the world has aligned,
and everything is
Michael, Michael, Michael.
The client is Claire.
So much for the fucking universe.
How did she hear about it?
She saw our video on the website.
And what is wrong with Claire?
She loves you.
Yeah. Yeah. A little too much.
Listen to these texts
that she sent just this week.
- Monday, "Do you wanna go for a walk?"
- Sounds nice.
Tuesday, "Do you wanna be my plus-one?"
A party with free alcohol?
Oh, she is terrible.
Wednesday, "Can you tell
what I did to my chin?"
"No? Well, good.
I didn't do anything. Or did I?"
If she lives in the same building as me,
these texts will be drop-bys.
Well, and don't take this the wrong way,
your building is probably
way too down-market for Claire Lewis.
I love it! The light here is fabulous!
- And these high ceilings
- They're what makes it feel so spacious.
You need to be aware there are
no amenities in this building. No gym
- You'll get a Peloton.
- No doorman.
- No one to judge your walk of shame.
- Only two bedrooms.
- Fewer house guests.
- Stop. That's impossible.
I need at least three bedrooms.
Is there anything bigger in this building?
No, nothing. Sorry.
Oh, damn it!
I wanted to move where I knew someone.
When I found out you lived here,
I thought,
"Yes! I'll have a friend right there."
"Maybe it won't be so hard."
Living alone after 25 years
can take some getting used to.
Let me check in some buildings close by.
I'm sure there's something
in the neighborhood.
Oh! Michael!
I appreciate all your help. Both of you.
- Goodbye, Suzanne.
- Bye.
Aw!
- Uh-huh. Is that the new guy?
- He wants to hang again tonight.
A non-stop week of seeing each other.
Watch out. You don't wanna smother him.
I won't. Tomorrow is our poker game,
so we'll have a night off.
You wanna join? Stanley can't make it.
The last time I played with you guys,
I lost money and the wig off my head.
That wig pulled
Billy's Halloween costume together.
Yeah. I'm out.
Michael! How'd the showing go?
Unfortunately, she's not the buyer.
But don't worry, Jack.
We have a lot of interest.
Well, I'm sure
you'll find the right person.
Hey, Jack. Um, I'm playing poker
with some friends tomorrow night.
We have an extra seat at the table.
Interested?
A table full of gay boys
taking off all their clothes?
Sign me up!
It's not strip poker, Jack.
It's actual poker.
Oh, your generation.
I guess I'll just undress you all
with my eyes.
Oh!
The first time it said "And guest"
on something of mine,
it was like ripping open the wound again.
It made me realize
Robert really was gone for good.
- Hi.
- Hey.
But you seem to be healing quite nicely.
- Feelin' better all the time.
- Mm!
So. Dinner, movie, sex?
Or movie, dinner, sex?
Or how about sex, movie, dinner, sex?
Let's skip the movie.
- Morning.
- Hey.
- You shouldn't have.
- Aw!
What's this?
A frother. I, uh, bought us one.
Oh. I don't really do froth.
I like my coffee black.
Ah. Well, I like cappuccino
in the morning,
so I thought I'd get one to keep here.
They actually make a great wedding gift
with a set of Bodum
double-walled glass mugs.
Why are we talking about wedding gifts?
Oh, I saw the invite
to your friends' wedding.
Oh. They've been together for 12 years.
- I don't think they're expecting gifts.
- Why get married if not for the gifts?
That's a good point. Screw the sentiment.
So, what would you think
about going to the theater tonight?
I just read a review of a play at
the Public that is supposed to be great.
I would love to, but I have
a standing poker game with some friends.
Huh.
I thought that you would
welcome a night off.
From you?
Nah, I'm good.
But, you know,
if you need one, by all means, I get it.
Uh Hmm
I'm doing that thing in my head again.
It's stupid. You should come tonight.
Oh. Yeah. Uh, great.
I'd love to meet your friends.
But to be honest, I don't even play poker.
But I do make some pretty amazing low-carb
snacks, though, if people are into that.
It's a table full of gay men.
Even the poker chips are carb-free.
Let's go, baby ♪
All I'm saying is,
I find it hard to believe
that this whole Stanley-Jerry dating thing
really isn't about me.
Because everything's all about you, Billy.
Finally, you understand.
I see you, and I raise two dollars.
Oh!
- Oh my God, Luke. These are not low-carb.
- They totally are.
The breading is crushed almond,
so go crazy.
I think, in general,
we worry too much about what we eat.
I've had a Clark Bar
every day for 35 years.
I see you and raise you 20.
Twenty? What the hell do you have, Jack?
You should fold.
I used to be the dresser
for Ms. Judith Light,
who you may not be aware,
is quite the Broadway presence,
despite her well-known TV work.
She could bluff like nobody's business.
Me, I never bluff.
- Mm.
- I hear she's really nice.
- Loves the gays.
- The best.
Yeah. I mean, these are great,
but, uh, what's the sweetness from?
Apple juice. And then I cook them
in my trusty air fryer, with minimal oil.
We love our air fryer. Last night,
I made pork chops. They were to die for.
Don't tell my mother.
She thinks we're kosher.
I should get one for you, babe. They are
essential for the low-carb lifestyle.
That's new.
Still mulling?
- I call.
- Babe
- Uh, can I get anybody anything?
- Nope.
Perhaps a Clark Bar.
I will check.
He's real, right? I could not have
concocted a more perfect guy for you.
Such an improvement over Colin.
Finance versus teaching says it all.
The warmest thing Colin ever said to me
was, "Buy Apple,"
which I'd done 30 years ago.
How do you think I paid for the apartment?
My point is.
maybe Luke is your next great love.
I I
What about you, Jack?
You could still find someone.
Maybe in Miami?
Maybe. But I had it all.
I know the difference.
I'd rather be alone than be
in a relationship just to be in one.
Mm-hmm. Hear, hear.
- Billy.
- Mm?
It's on you.
I call. What do you have?
Full house.
No!
Or, as Judith would say, "Who's the boss?"
This is Stanley's fault.
- How?
- I'm distracted.
Wondering what Stanley's saying
about me to Jerry.
What makes you think
they're even talking about you?
The bruise on his face
he said he got from a windstorm?
A spider fell in his lap
in the dressing room,
and he jumped up and he ran into a wall!
Oh my God!
He said he almost died
in service to the people.
I can't wait to tell everyone.
Oh, you didn't hear it from me.
And thanks for coming to dinner.
Thank you for such amazing conversation.
Your knowledge of art is impressive.
Well, my mom taught me everything.
She loves art.
Every weekend,
we went to museums, galleries.
Me too.
It was a way to get lost
in beauty that was so personal,
like looking into an artist's soul.
Can I get you gentlemen coffee?
- How about coffee at my place?
- Check, please.
We have got to have them over
for a Housewives viewing party, babe.
Uh-huh.
It's to you, "babe."
Aah.
All right, I'll see your ten,
and I will raise you 16.
- Mm.
- Ooh.
Okay, I call.
- A straight.
- Do three queens beat a straight?
If he throws the first rock.
Oh!
- Oh, that does it for me. I'm tapped out.
- Fine. Let's call it.
I never thought I'd say this,
but we've gotta go and relieve the nanny.
But the wedding's coming up,
and we need your RSVPs.
- Oh!
- All right!
That's your wedding!
The invite was beautiful.
- I taught myself calligraphy for those.
- Wow, really?
No. You're so cute.
I love a gay wedding.
- I never take them for granted.
- You should come, be Michael's plus-one.
Oh.
Thank you,
but I think that's Michael's call.
I believe in you ♪
It takes two ♪
Wanna come to the wedding?
I'd love to!
Yay!
Great. So, uh what can I get you? Vodka?
Or vodka?
- I guess I'll take a vodka.
- Great choice.
Wait, but first, there's something
I've been dying to show you all night.
Ta-da!
Oh!
My God.
Right? I I mean,
what what do you think?
Um Well Clearly, the artist's vision
Yes.
And the artist whose vision is so clear is
my mother.
Really? Wow!
Such a specific talent.
Yes! Uh, uh self-taught!
Yeah, that comes through.
She used to be an accountant,
but after a pretty serious stroke,
her world flooded with color.
- These colors?
- Yeah.
She quit her job, and
and dedicated herself to her passion.
- Art.
- Oh.
Fascinating.
I mean, she's unsung in Minneapolis.
Mm. No one there really appreciates art.
- There's a big art scene
- It's no New York.
But I just think
if someone took a chance on her,
you know, met with her
Someone with a good eye,
like you.
I'd be happy to.
Oh
Oh my God!
Oh my God.
Mm.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm.
Mm. I
I I can't. I can't.
I can't meet your mother. I'm sorry.
W Why? What happened?
Her paintings are
The composition is unbalanced.
The scale doesn't go with the subject.
The color combinations are amateurish.
And the whole painting says nothing.
Except maybe, "I can't paint."
I'm sorry, but I just have to be honest.
Well, if we're being honest,
I'm not feeling this.
Intellectually, there was an attraction,
but my dick is saying otherwise.
Of course.
You know, we never stood a chance, really.
Me being a super successful art dealer
and you a mere telepromptress.
But since you're so willing to barter
your rapidly aging boyish good looks,
why don't you try your luck at Gagosian?
Maybe you could blow a dealer there
into thinking your mother has talent.
Oh God!
I love your friends.
They're so welcoming.
Especially the Jonathans. Mm!
And Billy seemed very down-to-earth
for a celebrity.
Celebrity might be a reach.
More like budding narcissist who's on TV
for five minutes twice a night.
You seem a little tense, babe.
Everything okay?
I don't know. Hmm.
Maybe I'm stuck in my head again.
Well, I will give you a massage
when we're done.
- Mm.
- Get you relaxed.
Thank you.
There's something sad about Jack.
I mean, besides losing his partner.
It's like he almost doesn't wanna try
for another relationship.
Aah.
Anyway,
we should really schedule
a Housewives viewing party.
Not even an "excuse me"?
- What do you mean?
- You just farted,
and you didn't even say "Excuse me."
Is that where we are already,
five days in? Just let 'em rip?
Well, I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
And it's been a week.
- It's not like I don't have a terrace.
- What's the big deal?
The big deal is
that once you fart around each other,
you can see the end of the relationship
around the corner.
Well, I think that's a little repressed.
It just means
you're getting comfortable with someone.
You're a great guy, Luke,
but I don't think I'm ready
to get that comfortable with someone yet.
Okay, what what's goin' on here?
I think I rushed into this
because I hate eating dinner alone.
And then the frother, and the "babes,"
and the plus-one started stacking up,
and I could feel myself
getting more and more freaked out.
And I tried to convince myself,
mm, that it was just in my head,
but I think that this is all
just happening way too soon.
I can't will myself into a relationship
just because I miss being in one.
Are you breaking up with me?
How can we break up after a week?
We barely know each other.
Fine, if you wanna throw all this away,
go ahead.
But you're gonna wake up tomorrow morning
all alone and realize I'm a fucking catch.
You are a catch.
But, Luke
you're early.
And I think I probably need
to wake up alone for a while longer.
Wow!
Would have been nice
to have known this a little sooner.
But how much time would that have saved?
It's been a week.
I'm taking the frother!
I just bought
the penthouse in your building.
It's not even on the market.
I told you, Michael,
everything's for sale.
Now, do you keep champagne,
or do we have to order in?
Oh, it's so teeny!