Underemployed (2012) s01e06 Episode Script

1 My dad's assistant is coming over.
Got to go.
- You're in a good mood today.
- I am.
You, my handsome friend, have a job.
I just don't ever want to be caught between you and my job.
We can't do that again, Jamel.
Now, if you could go plunge the toilet - Esperanza made a mess in there.
- I quit.
Hey, batter, batter, batter.
Swing, batter, batter, batter.
Come on.
Come on, Lou's got nothing.
That's not what you said last night.
Oh, burn.
Swing, batter, batter, batter.
Okay, ball.
You swung.
I was just warming up.
I didn't think that was a pitch.
Then why'd you say, "ball," huh? What's the call, ump? Uh, Rosemary says strike.
Yes! That's my girl.
Daphne, get on deck right now.
Ah, no, no, no.
Fresh manicure.
Come on, Lou.
Give him the heater.
Come on, Miles.
Batter, batter, batter Come on, Miles, shake it off.
Come on.
Oh! Oh, yeah! And the crowd goes wild.
That is so unfair.
Sure, ma'am.
I'll kiss your baby.
Mwah! Yeah! Yeah, baby! Yeah! Oh! Thank you, thank you.
Um, I'll see you guys tomorrow night? Oh, tomorrow night? Huh.
What's, um what's happening tomorrow night? Like that's not all he talks about.
My big Tequila-tasting thing.
Our big Tequila tasting.
Get ready to learn about the world's finest mid-grade Tequila.
Madura.
We'll be there.
Hey, can we bring Rosemary? Take a night.
Your woman never gets out.
I already got a sitter.
He's just unaware of anything that happens around here.
Okay, guys, love you.
I'm going to go.
I'm out.
Wait for me.
I can't do knobs.
That's not what you said last night.
Why aren't those two a couple yet? Because they would drive each other completely crazy.
Hasn't stopped us.
Kidding.
"The rich golden color comes from 11 months of aging in French charred Sherry casks.
" "Sherry casks.
" "11 months of aging in charred Sherry casks.
Sherry casks.
Mm, charred Sherry casks.
" Posh spice.
Yeah, I am.
- I just needed some me time.
- Your whole life is me time.
Look at this.
What is it? It's, like, my student loan something? Please tell me that this does not mean that I need to start paying these people back now.
Looks like it.
This can't be right.
I deferred it.
You weren't getting paid.
Now you're getting paid, so they want to get paid.
That's how it works.
300 bucks a month? Ask for a raise.
My review's not for, like, three months.
Sucks.
Why do they space it out like that? Don't they realize how much harder I would work if at the end of every week, I could get a raise? I'm not incentivized.
Hey, Daph? Hmm? I was taking a look at the lines for tonight.
Yeah? I was thinking we could make it more funny or sexy or something.
How? I don't know.
Maybe Take it for a little ride South of the border.
Spice it up a little bit with some salsa.
You know what I mean? That would be funny.
But, no.
Why not? This is so boring.
This is what Keith signed off on.
Now is not the time to go changing everything.
Everything is kind of dull.
Miles.
What? Do you remember what I said when you asked me why I didn't want you to audition for this job in the first place? Yes, yes, yes.
You didn't want to ever get stuck between me and your job.
Right.
We can make other things better.
Let's just leave this be, okay? Okay.
Thank you.
Oh, hey.
When we see Keith today, we just act like nothing happened, right? Totally normal.
I certainly don't intend to bring up the fact that he tried to sleep with both of us at the same time, hammered in a banana hammock.
We're on the same page with that.
See you at rehearsal.
Where are my incentives? Charred Sherry casks.
Charred Sherry casks.
Charred Sherry casks.
I think I'm going to wear my little black dress tonight.
Don't you think that's a little too black dressy? It's just a Tequila tasting.
Well, what exactly is going to happen at this thing? I don't know.
Miles will probably talk about the Tequila.
So, like, can I wear a little black dress? Damn.
What? You love using my toothbrush.
Oh.
Is this your toothbrush? I'm sorry.
I guess I can't tell the difference.
The way to tell the difference is mine is the one with power because you never charge yours.
Okay, relax.
Here you go.
Sorry.
You know what? I don't care what you say.
I am wearing that little black dress.
I need to get in there.
One second.
Oh Oh, no.
What? Come and see what I did.
Babe, we are not there yet.
No, come.
Look.
Well, you can't flush that.
Ew.
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.
No, don't use that.
Come on, help me.
Coming, coming, one second.
Yuck.
Here.
Oh, my gosh, gross.
Oh, it doesn't work.
That thing never worked when it worked.
- You need a real phone.
- I can't afford a real phone.
I'll pay for it no big deal.
I can't let you do that.
I'll figure something out.
I'll get one of those pay-as-you-go phones.
- A burner? - What are you, a drug dealer? Let me get you a phone.
So I need a raise.
Look, I know it's too soon to ask, but I need to start paying my student loans back, like, now.
Daphne, I'm still paying mine.
And I would give you a raise if you needed one.
I'm very responsive.
You want a raise? Need one.
Have a nut.
Oh, no, thanks.
Okay, seriously, like, take the whole can.
Look, I just need to make 15% more a month.
You're not getting a raise.
You have a performance review in three months, and if it goes well, you might get a raise then.
But six months is so long to wait.
I would rather get a tiny raise every week than wait three more months for some big raise that might not even happen.
And people would be so much more incentivized if that was the system.
Yeah, you know, I would love that system, okay? But it would have to be fluid in both directions.
You know, so, like, for right now, I could give you a pay cut for coming in and demanding a raise.
Oh, this this was not a demand.
No, this was just, like, more of a request between friends.
Daphne, you presence is a demand in and of itself.
And we're not friends.
Where are you going? I have to get away from these nuts.
Ooh, what is that nail color? Lincoln park after dark.
Hmm, I like it.
We're still not friends.
So after rank, food, taxies, I've less spending money on when I did I was at high school.
Yeah, then imagine when you make and supporting a family.
That isn't imaginable.
Here you go.
Just given a five Yeah, when did you get one? Dollars is a new quarters.
After's anyway.
You're some right.
Here you go, thanks.
Go! Go! He's got his whiner.
Go ahead.
Slow roasting of the Piсas.
Piсas.
Roasted Piсas.
Piсas.
These guys Treasure buddies.
Hey, oh, my goodness, it's so good to see look at you.
Long time, no see, man.
It's been yeah, you look good, man.
I had a lot of fun with these two, huh? Didn't we? Yeah.
It was so much fun.
Yeah, it was the b like The best time ever.
Keeping the client happy Good stuff, you guys.
Nicely done.
Show me what you got.
Okay, open email.
It just opened your email.
It's so cool, right? Show me tomorrow's weather.
It can hear you, you don't have to talk so close.
Partly cloudy, 63 degrees.
What? How could you afford this thing? Laura got it for me.
Sugar baby.
Okay, it wasn't that much.
And she just put me on her plan.
For real? I wouldn't want Lou to put me on his plan.
Yeah? I'd have to pleasure him in demeaning ways every night.
Well, Laura's not like that.
Everyone's like that a little.
Look, it can tell you where to go.
Um, navigate me to Albuquerque.
Lame.
20 hours and 33 minutes via I-70 west.
How do people live without this? What if you break up? I'll get a burner.
What are you, a drug dealer? Make me feel good.
Is that how you say it? Madura's unique taste just doesn't happen.
No, no, no, no.
It's a 32-hour slow-roasting of the Piсas that makes the real difference.
I'm sorry, but isn't this kind of boring? Uh, no, Miles.
It's instructive and actually pretty interesting.
You're doing fine.
Just keep going.
Yeah, but I just I just feel like this whole talking angle is not going to get the people going.
Miles, we have a plan.
Hold on.
What would you like to say? Well, I Really don't have an opinion.
No opinion? The man behind madura doesn't have an opinion? What would you rather say? Well, I would I would make it more conversational Tell the story of how I went to Mexico.
Your trip to Mexico? We sent him to Mexico? No, pretend I went to Mexico.
Pretend How I was lucky enough to see firsthand how madura was made How I arrived to the village, and the children they come running to me.
They drop the stick, and they And they they drop the ball, and they come with tin mugs filled to the brim with the finest Tequila in the land Madura! That would make me laugh.
It is pretty funny.
What do you think? Uh Yeah, I think it's funny.
But I think we should press on with what we originally decided.
Okay, if you think so.
Miles, start again.
And stick to the script.
What do you think you're doing? What do you think you're doing? Keith likes it.
The client likes it.
- I don't work for the client.
- I work for the company.
You told me this morning you thought it was funny.
It doesn't matter if I think it's funny, Miles.
It's not a joke.
It's my job.
Don't you ever do that again.
I'm sorry.
I just You do not ambush an exec in front of the client, okay? You are a moving mannequin, and it is your job to say things and to look good while saying them.
It is not to have ideas.
Is that clear? Yeah, it's clear.
- I was just trying to help - Shut up.
Look, Miles, I see your point.
I like the village children.
I said it's clear, so it's clear.
I'm sorry.
Ah! What up, Blair Witch? I'm on a mission.
I'm going to catch the son of a bitch who's leaving his lunch mess every day.
What kind of mess exactly? This orange sauce splattered all over the counter.
It's masala or sweet and sour.
Wait.
What are you having? A quinoa salad with green chili and mustard seeds No sauce.
Who made it? I did.
Who made it look like a swan? I did.
Okay, you're in the clear.
You should just put up a sign.
Oh, you mean like your "styrofoam awareness" sign? People should know.
Yes, they should.
But I'm not a crank, so No, you're just lord of the lunchroom.
Sauce should not be the focal point of your day.
Well, what should be the focal point of my day The Bachelor, Downton Abbey, liking every stupid thing my friends post on their walls? What are you doing tonight? Well, I just essentially told you.
The Bachelor, Downton Abbey, and My friend is having this, like, Tequila event.
- You should come.
- Yeah, and you can meet Raviva.
You guys will love each other.
Okay, great.
Sounds good.
- Um, email me the info? - I will do that.
If you see something, say something.
So the other day I feel bad about that.
- You do? - I mean, not bad bad Because I'm not mad.
No, I know.
I just didn't You know? I shouldn't have done that.
That's what I'm trying to say.
You got a baby and a dude, so I do have both those things.
You got a hot date tonight? Nah, just a friend's thing.
We don't really hot-date it so much since the baby came.
What kind of thing? Tequila tasting.
It's some crazy, douchey thing up in River North.
It's really just an excuse to wear a dress.
What kind of dress? What do you mean? I'm just trying to picture you in a dress is all.
Um, it's a little black dress.
So what are you up to tonight? I am going to have some dinner with some friends, um, in River North.
Very cool.
Hey, what's up? Can I add someone to the list for the thing tonight? Is it a girl? Because I need to pack the joint with tee-tahs.
She has two.
Oh, tight.
Who is she? Just a work friend Uh, Bekah Conner.
Okay, but speaking as somebody who's in the work-friend recovery program, be carful.
No, it's not like that.
Mm, be careful.
I'll be careful.
Bye.
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
- Hang on.
How often do you guys get reviewed? For salary? Annually, I think.
So we're every six months, but I need a raise, like, now.
Why? My deferred student loans are suddenly extremely "ferred.
" How much a month? $300.
Sucks.
It's like every time you feel like you're taking one step forward, the world knocks you two steps back.
Dude, my loans won't be paid off till 2020, and I have a kid.
I feel better now.
Well, as long as you feel better.
Bye.
You have your own cup? Yeah, when you come here a lot, they give you one.
Want one? I don't come here a lot.
You will.
We should get you a cup.
Saito Can you get Sophia her own cup, please? Oh, that's okay.
I don't want a cup.
It's fine.
I really don't need one.
But you should have one, though.
She'll have her own cup.
Thank you.
So Meg and Nicole want us to come by for dinner tonight before they head out to Michigan.
Oh, I can't.
I have Miles' Tequila thing.
Well, you're just going to be a face in the crowd.
Can't you just skip it? No.
Well, can't you just stop by and then come meet us? No.
I don't want to.
I want to be there to support Miles and Daphne.
Okay, it's not an argument.
Arigato.
Hey.
Hey.
Didn't hear you come in.
You were blow-drying your hair.
So So what, you can't say hi? I know there's a tipping point with that hair where things can go suddenly and terribly wrong, according to you, anyway.
Didn't want to bother you.
Thanks.
So how was your day? Unremarkable.
That's it? Yeah.
Yeah, just another day in the colorless world of corporate boredom.
If you could get sunburned from the light from a monitor, I'd be scorched.
You want some? I don't know whether there's going to be food at this thing.
My guess is not.
No, no.
In fact, I'm barely fitting into this as it is.
Don't want to risk it, you know what I mean? You look great.
Can you pass the balsamic? Thank you.
How was your day? Fine.
Same old, same old.
And Rosemary's okay at your mom's? Yeah, she's perfect.
I got a notification on my phone.
Her checkup's coming up.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I got the same thing.
Cool.
We are on it.
Oh! I'm going to go get changed.
Nervous? A little.
I sent out a ton of invitations and posted it on a ton of websites, but I don't see a ton of women going in.
I wouldn't worry about it too much.
These things can start small and grow.
The main issue tonight is keeping Miles on book.
I know.
I will.
Talk to him.
Make sure he understands that Deb is the one to please tonight.
Okay.
Do you have anybody coming tonight? To what? To this? Yeah.
No.
No? No lady friend? Oh, I don't currently have a lady friend.
Or I should say, I have a lady friend, but we work together, so she's just a friend, lady.
I wouldn't mind, you know, if you did.
If I did what? If you had a lady friend.
I don't believe that.
What? What right would I have to mind? It's not about rights.
It's about a deep, natural, fiery passion that no amount of common sense or decency could control.
Passion for you? Si.
A passion worthy of madura.
If I knew you were seeing someone else, I don't care what my rights are.
I'd shoot him out of a Cannon.
Is there some kind of office Cannon that I'm not aware of? It's in the executive dining room.
It's only for partners.
I look forward to becoming a partner one day and shooting someone out of it.
Keep Miles in check tonight, and you just might get the chance.
Come on.
I now officially hate this phone.
What? I love this thing.
You can talk to it.
It listens.
What else does that? Nothing.
Yeah, well, Laura and I went out for lunch today, and she asked me to do something.
But she also knew that this was happening, and when I said no, I swear to God, she looked at that phone.
See? That's why I'm "no phone" Though it is a great phone.
It is a great phone.
You guys sound crazy.
I am.
I shouldn't have let her get me this phone.
I shouldn't have let her put me on the plan.
It turns out you don't mix love and money.
Speaking of which, are we going to get to meet this Todd guy? I can't wait to give him a piece of my mind.
Okay, Veev, don't do that.
This is a super-important night for Daphne.
I don't care.
He's her boss he should have never started anything with her.
Veev.
What? You don't cook where you eat.
That's not the colloquialism I think you're going for.
You know what I meant.
He had a girlfriend.
It wasn't cool.
Louis.
Bekah.
Hey.
Hey, I-I was wondering if you were going to show up.
Free Tequila It was never a question.
You look good in real life.
Thanks.
Oh, uh, this is Sofia.
Hi.
And this is Raviva.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Uh, Bekah and I work together.
Uh, what do you do? I'm Lou's dad's assistant.
Very cool.
What do you do? I stay at home with our baby and write songs.
Very cool.
Bekah, let me ask you something.
Please.
If you dropped your phone in the toilet and then your new-ish girlfriend bought you a new one and then put you on her plan for two years - What if you break up? - I know.
My life is a telecommunications tragedy.
Oh, before I forget, it was Gary.
Who? The mess, it was Gary, which explains His stank cubicle.
Exactly.
So that's solved.
Way to go.
Thanks.
You know, you could just get a burner.
Thank you.
If I go up there and those ladies turn on me, I'll change the game.
Don't change the game.
I'll change the game.
Don't change the game, please.
Fine.
But if I accidently fall asleep onstage, don't wake me up.
Good evening, ladies and connoisseurs of fine Tequila.
Good evening, ladies.
Good evening! Hi, I'm Miles, and on behalf of madura Tequila, I'd like to welcome you to our very first V.
I.
P.
, connoisseurs-only Tequila tasting.
Yeah.
I think we're all here for the same reason.
We all like the finer things in life, am I right? Maybe we should let him run.
What do you think? Um, I think it's a judgment call, and it's not mine.
I'm going to defer to Deb.
Before we start to drink, I'd like to let you in on the deepest secrets of how this delicious spirit is created.
Boring! Of how this delicious spirit is created.
The red volcanic soil of the Mexican state of jalisco is the ideal medium for agave plants.
That's what she said! It seems like we're losing them.
"Seems like"? No, they're just getting settled in.
After the initial fermentation, madura is then aged for 11 months in charred Sherry casks, which gives it a deep sweetness and a telltale smoky finish.
I want you to go deep, sweetness.
He's dying.
Cut him loose.
Tell us about the children! What? The village children? Really? Yes.
Okay.
Whoa-oh.
Basta! Enough with these lies.
Once upon a time, I go to Mexico in an old V.
W.
bus to experience something my papa had spoken to me about before, but I had never tasted myself A sweet but wild spirit called madura! I arrived at town at dusk, and, man, was I thirsty.
Then these children came running to me out of their huts with their tiny hands and their tiny tin mugs filled to the brim with a clear, fiery liquid Madura! I tried to taste it, but they said, "No!" No? The local shaman had only made it for women.
And I, don Miles Had to find out why.
Why for woman? Yo quiero saber.
I want to taste, and I want to have You too.
Oh, baby, don't get me started.
And then Lou sang that And it was in everyone's heads all week.
Well, until I sang Johnny cash the next week.
I'm versatile.
You are.
He is.
I didn't know about, um, lunchtime karaoke.
Well, it's only once a week.
You know, I didn't think it mattered.
Hey, do you have a boyfriend? If you count The Bachelor.
I don't.
Then, no.
I'm single.
I think I'm going to go to the bathroom.
And I am going to prepare to go to the bathroom by getting a really big drink.
She's cool, right? Oh, yeah, very cool.
Yeah, I thought she was super suburban, but she's the only cool person at work.
And it's the first time I've heard of her.
And it's very cool that you sing karaoke at work Which, again, I haven't heard anything about.
And she is very, very pretty.
And, once again, haven't heard anything about any of those things.
What's your point? Just a big night for firsts.
Raviva.
Hey.
Hey.
Hi.
Uh Hey, this is my friend jamel.
Hi.
Hey, heard a lot about you.
Really? I haven't heard anything about you.
Jamel goes to uncommon ground also.
I've mentioned him.
No, you haven't.
What do you do? I am a video game designer.
Oh.
Very cool.
Mamacita, what's your name? Me llamo Holly.
Are you ready for madura? Yeah, I've been ready.
Holly, I'm going to put something in your mouth.
And I want you to roll it around on your tongue.
Mmm.
I'm known for that.
Give me.
Uno Dos, tres! How does it make you feel? Like every night is ladies' night! Are you real texting? Huh? Are you real or fake texting? Some people fake text.
No, I'm real texting Myself a shopping list.
Why? What do you need to get? "Soy milk, umbrella.
" You're ready for the vegan apocalypse.
Oh, I already have a great emergency kit.
- That's very important.
- It is.
You know, no one listens to me about that, but there's, like, a volcano Under yosemite, yes.
I'm Natalie.
Hey, I'm Sophia.
Do you ever go to hopleaf? No, what's hopleaf? It's this lesbian beer oasis.
I work there.
You look so familiar to me.
Maybe you've seen me at donut girl? I work there I mean, until recently.
Maybe I saw you in my dreams.
What? You did not just say that.
Oh, yes, I did.
Thank you.
What are you doing here? I was just having dinner with a friend nearby, and I thought I'd come say hi.
So sweet.
Um, but And see the little black dress.
Great.
I just, um, feel, like, a tiny bit uncomfortable with everyone around, you know.
I was just coming to say hi.
I wasn't trying to do anything or No, I know.
I'll just take off.
I'm sorry.
No, no.
Don't apologize.
It's not that I don't want to hang out.
No, it's cool.
I just showed up.
I totally get it.
It's my fault.
Terrible, terrible person.
Yes, you are a terrible person.
See you for coffee tomorrow? Yeah.
Cool.
Daph, I'm so sorry.
When you said "village children," I just went for it.
Yeah, that's what you were supposed to do.
So it's all good? It is so good.
You were great.
You were just so great.
Miles, amigo.
You blew that out of the agua.
Gracias.
You whipped those ladies into a frenzy.
It is dangerous out there.
My kind of danger.
Let's hit the bar.
Yeah, right behind you.
Nice work Both of you.
Are you mad? No, I'm not mad.
You know, a long time ago, I had this great idea to market little mops to kids, thinking that if they were easy enough to use and fun that the ungrateful little brats might actually contribute to the household instead of just taking and taking and taking.
And that was the only other time that I have been wrong.
Good job.
To you.
Oh, and, uh, don't take too long.
There's a bunch of drunk little sluts that are dying to meet the man behind the madura.
Yeah! Did it! Yeah! Where's your work buddy? Scamming madura coupons, I think.
Why didn't you tell me about her? I thought I had.
I didn't? Nope.
Where's Jamal? Jamel.
I told him to go.
Why? He seemed like such a cool guy.
He is a cool guy.
He's fine.
You guys get together every day? No, but when I go to uncommon ground, he's usually there.
And you, like, sit together? Yes.
We just talk.
About what? Everything.
Why? Because I don't have anyone to talk to.
I don't go to an office every day.
I don't have karaoke lunchtime.
I stay at home and feed the baby and clean the place up in between feeble attempts at writing songs about nothing because I don't even have a life anymore to write about.
Lou, I need someone to talk to.
And we don't even talk.
We talk.
About the baby, not about us.
Veev, I do not want to have this conversation right now.
Occupied.
Hey.
Everything okay with your lady? Not exactly.
She went home.
Because of me.
No, she's just she's very emotional.
Yeah, your dad mentioned she was "emotional.
" Is that how he put it? No.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
For what? I should go.
See you tomorrow, Louis.
Thanks for the ride home.
You know, you could say, "I told you so.
" That'd be kind of fun But stupid, considering.
Thank you for having my back.
You got it, chief.
Lincoln park after dark Twinsies.
You know, if you are looking for a way to start paying off your student loans, you should start by doing your own nails.
You do your own nails? Yes.
I have student loans too, remember? Or You're not getting a raise.
Because I don't want one.
I thought you weren't coming over.
I know it's late.
I, um I wanted to talk to you.
Come in.
I have a spare key for next time.
Laura, thank you.
For what, the phone? I told you it's no big deal.
Not the phone.
Well, then what? Everything.
For showing up in my life, for being this wonderful, amazing person that you are, for being patient with me and and loving me and and making me feel safe enough to, you know, reach out from my little shell and and dare to be myself.
Is there someone else? Yeah.
Me.
But you're such a safe place for me, Laura.
I mean, you give me everything.
You pay for everything.
I drop my frickin' phone in the toilet, and and you get me a new one.
I'm just trying to help.
I need to grow up.
Can't you grow up with me? I don't think so.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, I was not expecting to see you tonight.
No? No.
I thought for sure you were going to take one of those inebriated young ladies for a ride South of the border.
I thought about it.
No, I really did.
But then I thought "I'd rather be home.
" Huh.
Good job tonight.
Thanks.
You too.
Got the option.
Please.