Velma (2023) s01e06 Episode Script

I'm sorry I didn't believe you
about your hallucinations.
But, Velma, I told you this.
Your mother didn't go missing
because you solved a mystery.
She left us.
Be in my office Monday morning.
I'll tell you everything I know
about my mom, Dr. Edna Perdue.
That book you gave me opened
my eyes to your inner beauty.
Wait. Really?
Brenda?
I'm your mother, Carroll.
And I'm your father, Darren.
If there's one thing
teen dramas get right,
it's that nothing is ever
actually a teenager's fault.
We're all really just paying
for the sins of our parents.
Oh, yeah, you discover
that polonium, Marie Curie.
or hiding some dark family secret.
If Velma hallucinates while learning
the truth about Grandma, she could die.
Let the adults handle this, son.
Blythe?
But when it comes to truly
crappy parents, no one beats my dad.
Dad, I need to get to school early
to talk to Principal Rogers.
She might have clues
about Mom's kidnapping.
That's great.
Really? But you hate
that I think she's missing.
Are you kidding?
That's even better, Sophie.
What's happening?
People only wear fleece when
Oh, no. Going hiking.
What's happening is
I'm taking paternity leave.
Paternity leave? When I was born,
you doubled your work hours.
We know, but Amanda's birth
has made your father realize
he needs to find
a work-life balance,
or risk messing her up
Well, you know.
Hey, Velma!
Want a ride to school?
We got champagne, AC,
and the driver has a funny story
about how he survived
the Khmer Rouge.
Sure, thanks.
Absolutely not, Frederick.
Unless this is your selection
for our hunt?
No, Father. I like her now.
- Have you heard of inner beauty?
- That's a myth, you fool!
Well, at least my relationship
with my father isn't that bad.
Principal Rogers,
- Hey, do you mind?
- Oh, yeah.
All right. Go help Velma not hallucinate
while she talks to your mom.
But don't let her push you around.
You're your own man.
Damn straight.
Just real quick, when do you need me
to have your pants mended by?
Now, but lunch will be fine,
I guess.
As I was saying, thank you
for agreeing to talk to me
about your
mad scientist mother.
Now spill it!
Okay. Well, buckle up, because
things are about to get weird.
In the 1970s, my mother,
Dr. Edna Perdue,
was a brilliant neurosurgeon,
who had discovered a way
to keep the human brain alive
outside of the body.
I never should have
been an organ donor.
A woman scientist?
Her work caught the attention
of Army General Harry Meeting,
who felt he could use it to spy
on what he believed
to be the biggest threat
to the American way of life.
Let me guess. Communists?
Meat made from plants?
- Women's sports?
- No!
Meddling kids.
It was the 1970s, and
according to General Meeting,
meddling kids
were ruining everything.
War's not, like, cool, man.
General Meeting had tried
to infiltrate these groups.
But what if war is, like, cool, man?
But the meddling kids always foiled him
with a technique called mask pulling.
So, General Meeting tried
to infiltrate them through hypnosis.
But this only worked
so long as no one ever
snapped their fingers.
So, when General Meeting
saw my mother's work, he wondered,
what if she could put a soldier's brain
into the head of a meddling kid?
He called the program the Special
Covert Operations Brain Initiative,
or SCOOBI.
SCOOBI? And wait,
what did SCOOBI do?
It attempted to create the perfect spy,
by swapping people's brains.
- Did it work?
- No.
As the years dragged on,
and the pressure
to produce a result grew,
she slowly went insane.
Until one day, my mom bricked up
her secret lab in our basement,
hid her journals so no one could
recreate her work,
and was committed
to the Crystal Cove Insane Asylum.
I can't believe that's your mom.
I mean, playing God, removing brains.
- That's some white people shit.
- She was always a trailblazer.
But wait, my mom disappeared
after finding Dr. Perdue's journals,
and the dead girls
all had their brains removed.
Could they be connected?
For all your personality flaws,
you're actually a pretty good detective.
If there is a connection between
your mom and the dead girls,
the key to finding it is in this box.
You're late, Daphne.
Are you rebelling already?
As a criminal, I like it.
As your dad, knock it off.
Sorry, to get past my moms,
I had to put on their wedding DVD.
They'll spend all day arguing
about who let Uncle Lou dance
when they knew
he had a heart condition.
What's all this?
Remember, not a word about
why we really need her
until we know we can trust her.
What happened?
Why is there a needle
in my good boob?
It's an adrenaline shot.
Your heart stopped
from a hallucination.
Norville, why didn't
you make me laugh?
I tried. I did three minutes
of hilarious new stuff.
You just didn't get the references
because you haven't taken calculus yet.
Velma, I'm sorry, but I'm not telling
you anything more about your mom
until you stop
your hallucinations.
The nurse only has
one adrenaline shot left,
and I want shrimp for lunch.
Allergies be damned!
But if you think my mom is connected
to the serial killer in any way,
I have to know.
Please.
Norville, what am I gonna do?
I hallucinate because I feel guilty
about having caused my mom
to disappear.
The only cure is to find my mom.
Though, I have heard some good things
about alcoholism.
Okay, well, when was the first time
you hallucinated?
It was a few days
after my mom went missing.
This is all your fault, Velma.
Why'd you have to go
and solve your own mystery?
Okay, but you'd been trying to find
your mom before that, right?
Why didn't the hallucinations
start until then?
As a man analyzing a woman,
can we assume menses?
No. But wait, something else
did happen that day.
My dad took me out to breakfast
for the first time ever.
Hey, Dad. Great news.
I've been looking for Mom,
and I think I have some new leads.
Velma, stop! For the last time,
your mother wasn't taken. She left us.
Now, see if you can
solve the case
of how to entertain yourself
while I make work calls.
Wait, I've always wanted
my dad to love me more.
Maybe the hallucinations
are my subconscious
keeping me
from looking for my mom.
Because you saying your mom
was kidnapped upsets your dad
and just makes it harder
for him to love you.
Exactly! Wait!
Oh, no! I hallucinate
because I have daddy issues.
Gross.
Okay, so, don't search for
daddy issues and teenage girls.
And bookmark.
But if your hallucinations started
because your dad doesn't believe
your mom was kidnapped,
maybe they'd stop if you make him
believe she was kidnapped.
I tried, but whenever I mention it,
he shuts me down.
Then I have to eat a whole pie
to feel better,
and I will die
before I give that up.
What's another way
to cure daddy issues?
I wouldn't know.
The thought of having any issues
with my sweet daddy is foreign to me.
Really? Even though he's the one
who basically taught you to be a beta?
Excuse me?
My father is not a beta.
He drives the speed limit, no matter
how many people are honking at him.
Knock, knock.
Norville, can I grab you for a second?
I need a hand with some heavy lifting.
Of course, Dad. Because heavy lifting
is exactly what alphas like us do.
Thanks. We're helping
your mom's old boyfriend move.
That doesn't help.
Come on.
Don't even think about it, Aman.
I haven't slept in 48 hours.
If you're serious about paternity leave,
then you have to realize
your family is more important
than your phone.
I am so posting that.
Hey, Dad, can we talk?
- You can be drunk, if that's easier.
- What? No!
Paternity leave applies
to all my children.
Let's go to lunch. Run!
Aman!
Okay. Quick lesson
in the power of crystals.
This is angelite.
It treats anxiety by transmuting
aberrant thoughts
into productive cathexis.
Cool! Do you rub it
or grind it up and snort it at a party,
like regular anxiety meds?
You take it and bang it on your head,
real hard.
Wait, really?
No. Crystals are a hoax, Daphne.
Like vitamins, or internships.
That's why we loved
working here so much.
Charging idiots 30 bucks
for a mystical rock
feels like a crime,
but it's totally legal.
So, that's why
you turned to real crime
when the crystal market
collapsed, to chase that high.
Yes. But the party ended
when your moms raided us.
Sure, we got away,
but they stole you.
And now they're gonna pay.
Everyone's gonna pay.
Whoa, wait. What?
For crystals. Everyone's
gonna pay for crystals.
See, thanks to
underemployed millennials,
ex-reality stars, and zero sense
of global security,
believing in crystals
is back, baby!
We can sell this hall and retire
to the non-extradition country
of our choice.
Hello, Angola.
Wait. You're leaving already?
But there's still so much
I don't know about you.
Daphne, I'm on the run.
A few more days of mining,
and we're gone.
But we can get to know
each other until then.
Say yes, and we'll tell you
why you have orange hair.
Oh, my God, yes!
I smoked during pregnancy.
Like, a lot. Like, I should be dead.
Well, I'm glad you're alive.
Let's get to know each other.
So, what do you wanna talk about?
The Miller case?
Right. This is lunch
with my daughter.
A couple of things.
First, I think this place has changed
since the last time we were here.
Oh, my God,
I totally didn't notice.
Sophie's boobs are out so much
these days, this seems normal.
Speak of the devil.
Buy diapers.
You think that's bad?
Sophie told me I can't
pee in the shower anymore,
because that's where
she bathes Amanda.
Now I have to pee in the shower
at school, like a weirdo.
Pro tip, aim for the drain.
She'll never know.
I'll try that.
Wait. Did you just
teach me a life lesson?
Yeah. You want another one?
Don't date anyone who owns
more throw pillows than books.
Yes! Oh, my God. I had no idea you
at least realize Sophie kind of sucks.
It will make it so much easier
to kick her ass out when I find Mom.
Wait. Find Mom?
Not this again.
But that's what I need
to talk to you about.
To stop my hallucinations,
I need you to believe me
that Mom was kidnapped.
Velma, please.
Can't a father and daughter
just enjoy a nice meal at a strip club,
without it being awkward?
No, but we were having fun
for the first time ever.
- Yeah, we were. Look at us.
- Can we at least talk later?
I have to stop my hallucinations.
Hold that thought.
I have to make some work calls.
So you're going to work, are you?
Well, then call me Ernest Shackleton,
'cause I'm headed to a pole.
Fred? What are you doing
at Nana's Nipples?
I thought rich guys went
to the Tits Carlton.
That's our next stop.
Yeah, my dad found out I like you
and is now trying
to "normalize" my brain
back into thinking girls
like Chestiny here are hot.
You! Get away from my son!
He just asked the manager
if there's a stripper gender pay gap!
There is. Guys make way less.
But thanks to you,
Fred won't call it reverse sexism.
He's ruined!
Oh, yeah. Keep it all on.
Show me nothing, baby.
Velma, what are you
doing up there?
I'm doing what every girl
is doing up here.
I'm just trying to get
my dad's attention.
And one day, it will work.
Velma, stop!
You have my attention.
That's why I was on the phone.
I was calling Sophie
to tell her
I need to spend the rest of
my paternity leave with you.
Wait, what? Are you nuts?
She'll kill us both.
I don't care. Like you said,
we were just starting
to have fun together.
And let's be honest, the last couple
of years haven't been very fun.
- Mom being kidnapped.
Sure, right. All that.
So, what do you say
we go have some fun?
Just us.
I said, wait!
By the time I say something,
I could have already paid
$5 for another coffee.
From now on,
I'm wearing 'em.
Amanda, where are you?
Oh, God!
To the best day ever.
And yes, I know I still need
to talk to my dad
to end my hallucinations,
but I don't want
the fun to stop.
Yesterday, for the first time
ever, he said,
"Your birthday's
in March, right?"
Can you answer that? I'm, like,
substitute teacher-level hungover.
No, it's Gigi.
And you were right.
My dad has taught me to be a beta.
So I'm working on power moves.
This morning
I left my bowl in the sink.
Damn.
Hey, Velma. When you see
your pops next, tell him thanks for me.
- Homie changed my life.
- Fred, I've told you.
My dad isn't
the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh.
No, he helped my dad buy Chestiny's
contract from the strip club,
so we could date
and get my head sorted out.
- Isn't that right, babe?
- Anything but kiss.
That's impossible, Fred.
My dad's on paternity leave.
The only love he's buying
right now is mine.
Yeah, I don't know. Your dad figured out
all the legal junk yesterday.
Wait, what?
Oh, my God!
You only told Sophie you wanted to
spend your paternity leave with me
so you could work
while I was at school.
What? No!
- I'm having an affair with this woman!
- An affair? How dare you?
Also, here's that extra work
you requested.
Where's that box?
I'm ready to learn how my mom
is connected to those dead girls.
So you finally got your father
to believe you? Freaking awesome.
That's right, I swear now.
And you're wearing
a leather jacket?
- I stole it, baby.
- Off a teddy bear in the mall.
We don't know
what's gotten into him.
I'm out of here.
And I might be late for dinner.
Don't pour my milk.
- Okay, now give me that box.
- Velma, wait.
- Are you sure you won't hallucinate?
- Yes.
My hallucinations were caused
by my desire to make my dad love me.
But after today,
he's dead to me,
and if I don't care what he thinks,
then I won't hallucinate.
Oh, my God. Honestly, I was zero
percent sure that would work.
But I'm cured.
I can find my mom.
How is she connected
to the dead girls?
Okay, so after my mom died,
her house was put up for sale
and Fred's family bought it.
That's what first got
your mom interested in her.
In her effort to learn more
about Dr. Perdue,
Diya uncovered the one thing
my mother never intended
anyone to find, her journals.
That's how she learned
Edna was my mom,
and that her secret lab
was still buried underneath the house.
So, that's what my mom was doing
at Fred's house on Christmas Eve.
Looking for Dr. Perdue's secret lab,
before Fred's family moved in.
Yes.
Okay, but how does this connect
my mom to the dead girls?
There's only one explanation.
The ghost of Dr. Edna Perdue
has returned to finish her work!
Wait! You're saying my mom
was taken by the ghost of your mom?
Really? I thought only idiots
and B-list actresses believed in ghosts.
Have you seen
our school bathrooms?
No living human could do that.
I don't have time for this.
I have to go find my mom and her
not-a-ghost serial killer kidnapper.
Damn it, Norville.
Where is everyone?
And the crystals are all gone.
Wait. Are you leaving already?
But I'm not ready.
I need to know so much more.
Daphne, the only thing
left for you to know
is you deserve better than us.
A gun?
Hold on. Is that a goodbye gift?
I didn't get you anything.
Sure you did. You are
our insurance policy
in case your moms try
and stop us on our way out of town.
Wait, what?
Is that why you let me find you?
Just so you could use me?
That's so manipulative!
Which explains
why I'm so manipulative.
But still, I'm your daughter.
And your parents are criminals, Daph.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, you are sorry, Darren.
We've been on to you
since you busted out of jail
and put a geode
through our daughter's window.
You have?
We're maybe not the best cops,
but we're great moms.
We always know
what you're up to, sweetie.
What's this? Brenda?
Why does that name ring a bell?
She's one of the dead girls,
and that's her tank top.
You can see stains
from her boob contour.
What? Carroll found that shirt
down here, and I upcycled it as a rag.
We only have one planet, people.
Velma! Where are you?
I'm sorry!
Also, please be cool for once
and don't tell Sophie.
Velma? You can't be here.
I told you, Father forbids it.
Fred, there's a secret lab under
your basement and I have to find it.
You can help me, or you can keep
telling yourself that if you jump
through all of Daddy's hoops,
maybe one day, he'll love you.
Please. As if my father
has the time
to make me jump
through hoops. Hey!
Hairy girl not wrong.
Only way to earn father's respect
is take a stand.
You want I help kill him?
Yeah, let's do it.
Whoo-hoo! I'm rich!
Now Daddy will love me.
Norville, what's going on?
You're ignoring my calls
like I just took you on a first date.
That's because a man
answers his phone
when he damn well feels like
answering his phone, Lamont.
Okay, well, Gigi almost died.
She was stung by a bee digging
her pants out of the garbage at school,
and the nurse was
out of adrenaline shots.
Oh, no!
I'm making her
a get well lemon cake.
- Wanna help?
- I'll get my zester.
I never knew how big it was
down here in the bad boy room.
I just hang by the door
ever since the rats ate that butler.
The lab entrance!
But it's still closed.
If my mom didn't open it,
where'd she go?
Maybe it's one of those doors where
you push in a brick and it opens.
Fred, wait! No!
So you really knew I was
with them the whole time?
Or was that just another lie?
Another lie?
The only thing we've ever lied
to you about is the dog.
Truth is, he went to a farm.
No, I know you stole me
from them.
Stole you?
We didn't steal you.
We took you.
We gotta go.
There's not gonna be enough room
for all the goods and Daphne.
Okay. Well, as parents, there's only
one right decision to make here.
Damn it! They got away!
Oh, my God!
I feel like such an idiot.
They abandoned me twice.
That's why we never
told you the truth.
We loved you
from the moment we saw you,
and didn't want you
to ever feel
like you were unwanted
for even a second.
I love you, too, Moms.
Angelite.
That cures anxiety.
Velma? Sweetie?
- Can you hear me?
- Mom? Is that you?
I found you.
- But did you get a weird haircut?
- No, Velma, it's me.
The parent who only
abandoned you emotionally.
Dad? Wait.
Did I die and go to hell?
Damn it! I always knew atheism was
a gamble. How did you find me?
I can locate your phone,
like any good parent.
Okay. Sophie installed it
so you never catch us in bed
talking smack about you.
No, no. I don't have
time to sit here
and listen to some
too-little-too-late excuse.
Yes, you do.
Because your legs are still buried.
Now look. I'm sorry for how much
I worked when you were little.
I figured you were fine
because you had your mother.
But then she walked out on us,
and I wanted to be there for you,
but it's too hard
because I feel so guilty.
So, I hide at work.
But you wouldn't feel guilty
if you just believed she was kidnapped.
Who would kidnap your mother?
No one wants to talk about 9/11
that much anymore.
Fine, don't believe me.
I'll just find her on my own.
I'm fine.
Footprints?
People were just here.
And what's this?
Jinkies!
Jinkies?
Why are you saying jinkies?
Is this like when you tried to make
"keep it frosty" a thing?
No! Someone wrote "jinkies"
on this paper. But why?
You'll never know, Velma.
Oh, no, Dad!
I need you to believe me that Mom
was kidnapped, or I'm gonna die!
Okay, okay, I believe you,
I swear!
- I believe you.
- Oh, my God!
That did it.
- She's gone.
- Psych!
Oh, no, she's back. But how?
Hold on. Were you lying
about believing me?
Wait.
Oh, my God, you're right.
She was kidnapped!
I actually believe you,
for real this time.
- He does?
- You do?
He does! No!
- My hallucinations are finally over.
- Are you sure?
'Cause I feel like you've said
that before. Like a few times.
No, it's over.
I know my dad believes me.
- I'm so sorry I doubted you, Velma.
- It's okay.
Because when you saw
I was willing to die for my truth,
you finally came around.
- Because you do love me.
- Yes.
But also, jinkies is written
in your mother's handwriting.
- She was just here.
- Jinkies!
Okay, now you're totally
trying to make it a thing.
So, if this was all about
your dad believing you,
how did making you laugh
also stop your hallucinations?
- Right? Or kissing Daphne?
- Kissing Daphne?
The point is, I don't know,
but I'm sure I'll figure it out.
It would be pretty lazy not to.
Now, come on!
Whoever has my mom, and removed
those girls' brains, was just here.
So the question is,
where'd they go?