Wellmania (2023) s01e06 Episode Script

1
["Roads" by Portishead playing]
Storm in the morning light ♪
I feel ♪
No more can I say ♪
Frozen to myself ♪
I got nobody on my side ♪
And surely that ain't right ♪
[people speaking indistinctly]
Surely that ain't right ♪
[sighs]
What the actual fuck, Mum?
There's no need to swear.
You hid my green card,
trapped me in this country,
and put my career in jeopardy.
Of course I'm gonna
shit-fuck-cunting swear!
I was trying to delay you
for a couple of days at the most.
Get you to slow down, rest a little.
I don't need to rest.
How could I have predicted
that you'd cause a scene
and get your visa canceled?
I don't know, maybe because
I always cause a fucking scene!
[shakily] Do you have
any idea what it's like
to watch your child destroy themselves?
God, here we go again.
The drinking, the partying, the drugs.
What?
I'm from the '70s, Olivia.
I know what coke-bloat looks like.
When you arrived, I saw it,
what your lifestyle
was doing to your body, so I decided
You decided to ruin fucking everything!
[screaming] I was trying
to fucking save you!
Well, there's no need to swear.
I didn't want to have to bury
another member of this family.
Argh! Shit!
You can call me the good-time girl ♪
[upbeat music playing over speakers]
What are you selling?
- Drink?
- Yeah, go on.
Go ahead.
[sighs]
I could have her arrested
for what she did.
Yeah. Thanks.
She stole an official legal document.
- Oh.
- I mean, obviously I won't, but
- Fuck, are you kidding?
- What?
There's only three
consulate-approved psychs in this region,
and the only two in Sydney
have a six-week wait.
What about the third?
Yep. Plenty of appointments,
three hours away in sunny Canberra.
I'm meant to be helping
with Gaz's wedding.
Bugger. Oof.
You draw those?
[chuckles] No, my son did.
- Your son?
- Yeah.
Right, well, that would explain
the Tonka truck sheets.
Oh, no, they're mine. Yeah.
You didn't mention you're a dad.
Yeah, uh
Guess that's probably 'cause I spent
a lot of time not being a very good one.
But, you know, working on it.
Anyway, what are you gonna do?
Well, haven't got six weeks.
[man on PA] The 9:15 bus to Canberra
will be departing in approximately
five minutes from stand number three,
stopping at Pheasants Nest
- [camera clicking]
- and Goulburn and, uh, then Canberra.
Thank you.
[woman] Ferret, aren't you?
People think you're like rats,
but you've got padded feet.
You're not like a rat.
You're like a ferret. You're so cute.
[people chanting] Stav! Stav! Stav!
[chanting continues]
And that's how it's done, cuz!
[all cheering]
You guys enjoying the party?
Liv Healy.
Dude, what the fuck?
You never come to parties.
Thought it was about time
I graced you with my presence.
Wait. Did you bring a lasagna?
You're a fucking legend. Come in. Come in.
Who's hungry?
Because Lasagna Liv has just delivered.
This tastes like magic!
- [girl] Yeah!
- It's the best thing ever!
[grunts]
God.
[bus driver] Okay, folks, we're gonna stop
for a 25-minute pee-and-poo break.
[scoffs]
Everyone off.
Ma'am?
Ma'am!
Yes, you. Off.
[Liv] Excuse me?
Please Excuse me? Hi.
Sorry. Can you turn the bus on?
I need to charge my phone.
Sorry, no can do.
Well, can I grab the keys? I can do it.
That'd be a violation of company policy.
Well, hey,
wanna sweeten the deal a little bit?
I'll give you 50 bucks.
We'll just keep it between us.
And him.
Look, 25 minutes.
I'm entitled to my 25 minutes.
Oh, God.
Oh, hello.
You've got a very loud energy, don't you?
- Oh, do I?
- Mmm.
Thanks, I guess.
- How much for the phone charger?
- Oh, you don't want that.
Can I tempt you with a free-range egg?
Here, give me your fiddlers. Touch that.
That is warm from the birth canal.
Yeah, that is warm.
No, I'm I'm okay, thank you.
Just the charger, please.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
Look, here's the thing.
Phones, they're not actually
that good for you.
See, you shouldn't be connected
beyond the here and now.
Yeah, amazing. How much is it?
Thirty bucks.
Oh! Perfect.
How about some milk?
[people chanting] Chug! Chug! Chug!
This chick can drink.
Did you know milk contains
all nine amino acids
required for humans to build protein?
Right. Cool facts.
Not that it does me any favors.
I'm lactose intolerant.
My ancestors didn't develop the enzymes
required to break down cow's milk.
Sorry, ignore me.
Nah, you're smart. That's hot.
- Chug! Chug! Chug!
- [burps]
That's how it's done, cuz.
[all cheering]
Yeah, I don't do kind of straight milk.
- Ah.
- Yeah.
- [phone ringing]
- Oh. Sorry.
Oh, whoa. Hel Wow.
There she is. We've been trying
to reach you the last half hour.
Oh, yeah, I'm Sorry.
My phone was being an absolute nightmare,
but it should be all good now. Hi.
Great. Let's get started.
Yes! I am so pumped. This is so exciting.
Can you just really quickly
tell me what it's about again?
Oh!
She
The creative brief.
Yeah, the one that I emailed you about.
Yeah. Sorry, I just had
a little brain fart, but all good.
Liv, this is Armand La Martina,
publicist extraordinaire.
Liv Healy, I adore you.
- Oh, that's very lovely. Thank you.
- Now, the approved talking points.
You've read the list
that was sent over, I'm sure.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, all good.
- [Armand] Any thoughts?
[bus engine starting]
Liv?
- Liv?
- Oh, uh, yeah.
No, it all seemed pretty crystal to me.
Great, okay.
This is Rockie Freene,
- stylist to anyone who matters.
- [mouths] Hello.
Now, he's picked out some
glamorous options for the promo shoot.
But we're all feeling
the Westwood piece.
Oh, my God, yeah.
That dress made my eyes orgasm.
- Yes.
- Cool!
If you could email through
your measurements, that'd be great.
Yeah. Um, and, sorry, can I just say,
I am so excited about this whole thing.
I think we're gonna make Banquet Royale,
like, the show that all other shows
are gonna be compared to.
[Valerie] Love your energy, girl.
Now, about the new campaign dates
Hang on, she's on the wrong Oh, fuck!
- Excuse me?
- Oh, no, no, sorry. No, not you guys.
Fuck! Can you please open the door?
- [bus engine starting]
- Oh, no, no, no. Wait!
Wait! [sputtering]
Fuck! Fuck, wait!
Oh, fuck!
- No! Shit!
- Funny.
- Liv?
- Uh, yeah. Hi. Yes!
Okay. Due to the media leak,
we've had to pull the launch forward,
but that shouldn't mess
with the run-down much.
So we've still got the same venue
Sorry, sorry, did you say we have to
We're bringing the launch forward?
By a week. It was in the email.
Oh! It's just that's
my little brother's wedding, so
- Ouch.
- Okay, yeah, we've gotta wrap this up.
We've got another meeting. Thanks.
We'll see you in a couple of days. Okay?
Yep, absol Of course. Ugh.
[phone chimes]
Oh, God.
[phone chimes]
Told you phones were bad for you.
Fuck!
When did I eat gummy bears?
Hey, you okay over there?
Do you mind grabbing some water and bread?
Yeah, fully.
- Let me grab your hair.
- Why?
You're about to puke all over it.
No, I'm totally fi
[vomits]
So you can't just get the bus
to turn back?
Yeah, no, no, I unders I understand.
Okay, thank you anyway.
You, uh, finished for the day?
Yes.
Must be nice. Afternoon off.
You can kind of
see the world a little bit.
Speaking of, any chance
that you're going to Canberra?
No.
Really? Um, 'cause I hear
the weed is primo.
It's piss-weak. That's why I grow my own.
Great.
If this is your way at hinting at a lift,
I can do that for you.
Oh, that would be amazing.
- Thank you.
- Hmm.
- Get the potatoes.
- Yep.
[up-tempo music playing]
Ow.
Oh, God.
Please tell me
there isn't a rodent in here.
I've had way too much of that today.
You have a funny way of saying thank you.
So how far off do you think we are?
Don't worry, we're gonna get you there
with time to spare.
Great.
[phone ringing]
- Oopsie.
- Jesus, hands at ten and two, please!
Here you go.
What Thought you said
phones weren't good for you.
They're fine for me, they're bad for you.
Answer it before it stops ringing.
Put it on speaker. Go.
Okay.
Uh, he Hello.
Uh, this is Liv. You're on with, um
- Philomena. Yep.
- Philomena.
- Hi Hi.
- [woman] Philomena, it's happening.
I need you.
Okay, I am coming.
[woman] And in the meantime?
Well, you just breathe.
Know that we are in the flow of things.
We've planned for this,
and I am on my way to you.
[woman breathing heavily]
- [woman] Okay.
- [whispers] That's enough.
- Right. Bye Thank Bye.
- Don't say goodbye.
Well, it's rude not to.
So when you say you're on your way,
you mean right after you drop me, yes?
I I don't have time for a detour.
I'm sorry,
but so be the ways of the doula.
I go where I'm needed.
Okay, so how long does it take
to pop a baby out?
Baby? I never said anything about a baby.
Oh. I thought you said you were a doula?
I'm a death doula.
You're saying
there's someone in there that's
Dying, yeah.
And a family preparing to say goodbye
to a father and a husband.
And you're just gonna leave me in the car?
You are more than welcome to come inside.
The Sarkis family are very accommodating.
Are you insane?
I'll call a cab.
[Philomena] Argh!
[scoffs]
Of course. Of course there's no reception.
There is a landline inside.
Absolutely not, thank you.
Good luck to you, friend.
- Death
- [knocking on door]
- Jeez.
- [Philomena] Yoo-hoo!
[door opens]
My God, where the fuck am I?
Jesus.
[sighs]
Oh.
[woman crying]
[squelching]
Shit!
[young Liv] God! I'm so sorry.
Let me clean it up.
[young Amy] No, stop.
[laughing] Please stop, please.
I'm gonna pee myself.
Ew. Don't do that.
Then stop.
You're Amy Kwan, right?
'Cause you can't tell the difference
between me and Pamela Chang?
What? No, I just
[sputters] I didn't know.
Relax. I'm messing with you.
- You're funny.
- You're surprised?
Well, yeah, you always seem
so uptight and nerdy around school.
Never took you
for someone with a sense of humor.
Wow, you don't hold back.
Sorry, I blurt. I'm a blurter.
Oh, I'm aware.
All right, the party's over, dickheads.
You know the drill. Booze down the drains.
[all clamoring]
- What do we do?
- What can we do? Go home.
Can we not just yet?
Come on.
[both giggling]
I was frying on the bench slide
In the park across the street ♪
L-A-T-E-R that week ♪
And I'm not only among
but I invite who I want to come ♪
So I missed a million miles of fun ♪
I know it's up for me ♪
If you steal my sunshine ♪
Making sure I'm not in too deep ♪
If you steal my sunshine ♪
Keeping versed and on my feet ♪
If you steal my sunshine ♪
My sunshine ♪
If you steal my sunshine ♪
My sunshine ♪
If you steal my sunshine ♪
[sighing]
[Philomena sighing deeply]
- You didn't get far.
- Nope.
Come on.
- Come on.
- Oh, God.
Okay, yep. Thanks anyway.
Oh. No luck?
No. God, the only taxi driver in town
is having the day off
because, apparently, she's getting
her mo waxed for a passport photo.
Oh, yes!
Jackie's going to Phuket. [grunts]
She needed a break.
Great.
But I can take you
the rest of the way now.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- I mean, this won't take too much longer.
Just gotta get the family settled
now that Mr. Sarkis has passed.
[whispers] Pa Passed?
Mmm.
Oh, my God.
Oh, it's okay.
Just a dead body. Nothing to be afraid of.
Oh, poss, you're a love. Thank you.
Come on.
You'll come have a cuppa, won't you?
Won't you?
Come on.
Okay, yeah.
[slurps loudly]
Oh, here we go.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- You're about to ruin the vibe.
I'm sorry that I can't sit around
writing in my feelings journal.
We've got stuff to do.
Things to plan, Mum.
[Philomena exhales]
The only thing
that you need to do right now
is just to sit and be in this moment.
[scoffs]
My dad just died.
I don't wanna sit. I wanna do.
Sweetheart, you can't manage
the grief out of your life,
or run from the pain.
Just gotta feel those feelings.
Even if it's the hardest thing
that we've ever had to do.
Okay?
[Mrs. Sarkis crying]
I got fingered tonight.
By Stavros.
O Okay.
Wow. And how was it?
He kind of just put it in there
and left it there for a bit.
Is that what's supposed to happen?
I don't know. Probably.
Are you okay?
- Oh, my God, you don't like Stav, do you?
- No. Ew.
I mean, he's a sweet guy,
but no, it's not that.
My dad died today.
This morning.
Oh. Um
I'm so sorry.
How'd it happen?
Why didn't you say anything?
I guess I just wanted tonight to be fun.
Come Monday, everyone will know,
and I'll just be
that sad girl whose dad died.
Maybe.
Maybe not though.
I mean, you can be whoever you want.
To me, you'll always be the party girl
that threw up on my jellies.
Oh, I can't believe
you got fingered by Stavros.
What? He's hot.
[woman chuckling]
He could be so funny.
He brought the house down
with that speech at dinner.
Yeah. Such a wonderful day,
your graduation.
Well, except she didn't graduate.
[Mrs. Sarkis] Oh, Nicole!
What? Technically, it's true.
She missed two units,
and she still got a day of celebration.
Sorry.
Obviously, that came out
a little bit harsher than I intended.
You get that brutal honesty
from your father.
[tearfully] It's what
I loved about him most.
[inhales deeply]
Um, where's the bathroom?
- Down the hall to the right.
- Thank you.
Who the fuck is that?
Ooh, sor
[exhales] Oh, God.
- Oh, good, you're here. I need your help.
- Oh, God.
- You go this armpit, I'll go this one.
- And do what?
Gotta move him to the bed
before rigor mortis sets in.
- Come on, chop-chop.
- No fucking way.
I'm not touching a dead body.
- Why not?
- I don't want to.
What are you afraid of?
There is a family out there
who need to sit with their loved one.
They need to say goodbye.
They need to process this loss.
Are you gonna make them do that
with him stiff in a chair?
Oh, God.
That's it. You've got this.
We've got the funeral director
on their way.
Now if there's anything left to say,
now's the time.
Don't overthink it.
Whatever it is, just let it out.
Looking in your eyes, I see a paradise ♪
Erika!
This world that I found ♪
Is too good to be true ♪
- What're you doing?
- It's his favorite.
- You're ruining the moment.
- Shut up.
Standing here beside you ♪
Want so much to give you ♪
You can sing too.
This love in my heart ♪
That I'm feeling for you ♪
[Philomena] You can do it, go on.
Let 'em say we're crazy ♪
I don't care about that ♪
Put your hand in my hand, baby ♪
Don't ever look back ♪
Let the road around us ♪
Just fall apart ♪
Baby, we can make it
If we're heart to heart ♪
And we can build this dream together ♪
Standing strong forever ♪
Nothing's gonna stop us now ♪
And when the world runs out of lovers ♪
We'll still have each other ♪
Nothing's gonna stop us ♪
Nothing's gonna stop us now ♪
Oh, yeah ♪
Oh, God, sorry!
- I'm so sorry.
- [Mrs. Sarkis] That's okay, love.
Come over here. Come on.
- Come on.
- No, that's okay.
[Philomena] You've been invited. Come on.
- [Mrs. Sarkis] Yeah, come.
- Okay. Thanks.
- [Mrs. Sarkis crying]
- [Philomena] Give Dad a big hug.
Bye, Dad.
Thank you.
[Philomena] Great job.
Thank you. For your help back there.
Hmm.
My dad died when I was a kid.
That's not at all
how my family dealt with it.
Oh.
[phone chimes]
[chiming rapidly]
Fuck me.
[Philomena chuckles]
Someone's popular.
[exhales heavily]
[phone ringing]
Jesus, Liv, where are you?
Your brother called
and told me you were MIA.
Relax, I'm just outside of Canberra.
Doing what?
- Oh, I've got a psych evaluation.
- What? Why?
Oh. It's a long story.
Don't worry about it.
Look, I was thinking
about what you asked the other day.
About whether we'd be friends
if we met now.
Oh, Ames,
we really don't have to do this now.
And to be honest? No.
I don't think we would be.
But we didn't meet at 40.
You know,
we're not friends because we live nearby
or our kids go to the same school.
We're friends because we've shared a life.
You know, boozy nights,
devastating crushes.
Dear God, the terrible haircuts.
So I don't care about who we are today.
Because to me, you'll always be
the girl who threw up on my jellies,
and I'll always be
the girl with the insanely ticklish feet.
Fuck, you're emo. [chuckles]
- Can I have my hairbrush, please?
- Oh.
Who's that?
Oh.
God. It's just some stranger
I hitched a ride with.
Okay, well, send me
a photo of her license plate
in case she murders you
and I need to avenge your death.
Will do.
What a rich conversation. Good for you.
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Kwan.
[in Cantonese] You stink of alcohol.
It's because
of this Australian girl, isn't it?
With their VB
and getting drunk in the streets.
Why can't you be friends
with that Pamela Chang instead?
Liv's dad died today, okay?
So can we just take her home?
Oh.
[car engine starts]
Ohh, can't anybody see ♪
[door opens]
[door shuts]
Never found our way ♪
Regardless of what they say ♪
Where's the lasagna tray you took?
Just make sure you get it back
'cause it was your Auntie Pat's.
Ohh, can't anybody see ♪
We've got a war to fight ♪
Never found our way ♪
Regardless of what they say ♪
How can it feel ♪
This wrong ♪
[sighs]
I told you I'd get you here on time.
[chuckles] Thank you.
Today's been weird, to say the least.
You are welcome.
Now get the fuck out.
- I'm late for my Bumble date.
- Oh, okay.
- Good luck.
- [shooing]
Hi. I'm here for my evaluation
for my US green card application.
- [woman] Olivia Healy?
- Yeah.
Got you here.
Oh, it says your address is in Sydney.
Yes, it is. You have no idea
what it took to get me here.
Oh, you should have requested
a Zoom consult then.
[phone ringing]
Gaz, I can't talk. Can I call you back?
What the fuck, Liv?
Are you seriously pulling this shit
days before my wedding?
What shit?
Look, I get that you're pissed at Mum,
but disappearing for a whole fucking day?
Everyone's freaking out
you missed the rehearsal.
You were meant to help with the wine.
Seriously, not even a text?
I knew you would find some way
to make my wedding all about you.
Wha No, I'm not. That's not
So I totally forgot,
and, look, I'll be there.
You know what? I will
I promise I will be there.
Your wedding will go off without a hitch.
Yellow-tinted lenses and a pink gelato ♪
Ms. Healy, I'm ready for you.
Thanks.
Fallin' out the window
Hit me back tomorrow ♪
We'll always be
The one tough act to follow ♪
I'm feeling these songs
Mocking jokes and carols ♪
Welcome to the days
Of the broke and shallow ♪
But if we just spoke ♪
Like we meant it ♪
Would you reference ♪
This open part of me ♪
The minute I know ♪
The time we spent in ♪
Came corrected ♪
In my anatomy ♪