Westside (2018) s01e06 Episode Script
Episode 6
1 [Keith.]
You are, by presenting this material, sharing yourself and being totally exposed.
[Arika.]
Someone needs to make sure that we're feeling fucking okay if we're taking in this process and not feeling so fucking stressed out.
A lot of shit don't heal.
I can't do it.
[Leo.]
You don't have to.
They want this shit.
I suppress all this shit and then it just comes the fuck out.
[Leo.]
Don't fucking suppress the fucking shit outta shit.
[Arika.]
It's like balling up a piece of paper.
You can flatten it out as much as you want, but it's still never gonna look how it did to begin with.
[Leo.]
I know.
- It's my whole fucking life! - [Leo.]
I know.
- Fuck! - [Leo.]
It's a lot.
[Leo.]
It's a lot.
[Pia.]
Being vulnerable and letting those guards down and opening up is really scary.
[Caitlin.]
I don't even really know why I'm doing it, who I'm doing it for.
[Taz.]
I want this live show to remind me that I am a badass.
I'm a superstar.
I'm a singer.
I'm a dancer.
I'm a strong woman.
[Leo.]
It's just really obvious and apparent that we're all here to do our best.
Shit.
If we're not I know I am.
Everyone, okay.
Good.
Let's work on "Hear Me", everyone.
Let's see if we can work, stumble through the newest group material.
[Alexandra.]
I'd really like to shed the feeling of inadequacy.
The feeling, like, I'm never gonna be good enough.
You just raise your hand if you have something, lyrics, aÃÂ melody, both.
Whatever peopleÃÂ have to share, it's all loose.
We're all figuring it out today.
[Sean.]
All we're responsible for is for our truth.
Austin, did you have? [Austin.]
Um I honestly don't have anything for it.
But I can have something for it by tomorrow.
[Keith.]
You had two weeks.
Okay.
Dude, when we started this show I was on a writing frenzy.
And wrote so many new songs that are so good.
And I can see a change since then, - in the way you look - Yeah, dude, so pessimistic.
- [Alexandra.]
Exactly.
- So pessimistic.
- [Alexandra.]
You weren't that person.
- I've never been that guy.
- [Alexandra.]
Thank you so much.
- I'm so emotionally drained.
Yeah.
- I'm so emotionally drained.
- You're my first friend in this city.
And I hate to see you become unhappy with, I guess, the process.
Dude, I fucking hate it.
I hate it - I understand.
- I really try to be open-minded.
Mentally, I'm just trying to figure my shit out.
Dude, I'm not gonna lie.
But it is hard.
- I know.
- It's really hard.
I wanna see you in this.
And inspired.
I wanna see you inspired.
- I wanna see myself happy again.
- 'Cause I met inspired Austin - when I first met you.
- Yeah, yeah.
And he's taken a trip, and I want him to come back.
[chuckles.]
[piano playing.]
[Keith.]
Lexi.
- Lexi, you had a way.
- [Alexandra.]
Um, right.
[Keith.]
Two, three, four I won't let you taint my life I won't let you win I won't let you change the person That I've always been [Keith.]
Taz.
And just being me I'm gonna let the world see So come and won't you take a seat [Keith.]
Great.
It's like going north When I should have gone south Playing roulette, Russian roulette When I open my mouth But I dah-dah-dah-dah-dah Dah-dah-dah-dah-deh my mouth - Something like that.
- [Keith.]
Great.
I remember A time I'll never hide A lifelong December Feeling broke inside Feet forever rooted in love Deep in the dirt As I've know Here my life [chuckles.]
Let her in Hear [Keith.]
Here we go! Me sing [chorus.]
Hear me [Keith.]
AÃÂ cappella! Hear me - [keypads tapping.]
- [all snapping fingers.]
Hear me - [piano playing stops.]
- [Keith.]
The end.
- [Leo.]
That was our first run.
- We just fucking did our run through.
- [applause.]
- [Caitlin.]
Thank you.
Woo! [Sean.]
I always go back to what James used to say of where there was once darkness, let there be light.
There was nothing, and we've just created something.
[indistinct chattering.]
Can we Let's just have quiet right now.
Shh.
So this is This gets to notes.
Should we be interpreting this as, um, opinionated feedback - or as uh, scripture? Like law.
- [Keith.]
I know that I'm the music director, this, that, the other, whatever.
It feels prescriptive sometimes.
- But please, these are opinions.
- Okay.
[Keith.]
I'm just gonna go in order.
Pia.
The Avatar song is showcasing your voice well.
She's behind my avatar But the verses may be too specific to the Internet.
So we just have to do a lot of rewriting - and figuring out what that's gonna be.
- Absolutely.
Uh, James, I think your monologue needs to be half the length it is.
- Okay.
- [Keith.]
Lexi, - I think some more writing work to do.
- [Lexi.]
Okay.
- Thank you.
- [Keith.]
Thank you.
Taz, the hook isn't landing.
- [clears throat.]
- Leo, the intent is correct.
- [Leo.]
Hmm.
- But for me, I think the tone is the the disconnect.
Sean, uh, my general note is - why so serious? - [all chuckle.]
Caitlin, I think the extra repeat of that melody is gonna be super satisfying if it wraps up in a way that makes us go, "Oh, wow.
I didn't even realize that's how all this was fitting together.
" Understood.
[Keith.]
Arika.
Everyone likes the song.
- [sighs.]
- [laughter.]
I think I might have, like, wrote a song that is a lot more confident than I am.
I wanna be good now No, I should now I think it's super rich, showcases your vocals in a great way, - and practice is going to make perfect.
- Good.
Thank you.
[Arika.]
The person I wanna be is full of poise, and grace, and confident as hell.
She's still a badass, but she doesn't need to prove her toughness.
That's where I'm trying to get to.
- Austin.
- Yeah.
Your song is "Life Goes On After The Song.
" [Austin.]
I'm moving on The melody is strong And that's all we got And it's all right now There feels like there's a dearth of specificity.
- Lyrically? Or what are we talking about? - [Keith.]
Lyrically.
I can hear most of these words, coming out of most of these mouths.
Rather than you being the only one who could say these words, because they are so specific to you.
It's It's feeling, maybe for lack of a better word, generic.
And I know that it's all, look - [Leo.]
Mind if I interject? - Please.
All the things that you've done, and all of it, it's all great, but you're still hiding something and we feel like you're hiding something.
And I'm not saying that to piss you off.
I wanna know you.
We wanna know you.
We wanna feel you.
The things that I really connect to most in music is something that's like so specific that a million people could listen to it and have no idea what it means.
But then one person listens to it, and they're like, "That fucking same exact thing happened to me.
" I think that's what's missing a little bit.
Austin, I hope you're not feeling like attacked.
[Keith clears throat.]
[Keith.]
All right, it's, uh It's 9:30.
[Arika chuckles.]
[Keith.]
Uh,ÃÂ Austin let's talk after and figure out a game plan for how to help find the specificity.
And then also on my homework list is seeing what I can massage out of everyone's "Hear Me" input.
Hear me - [chuckling.]
- Why are we singing "Hear Me"? Like we all live in LA, and, like, you have a house.
I live in Beverly Hills with a BMW.
You know, we're all fucking fine.
- [Sean.]
We're singing "Hear Me" because - Like, people are dying in the world You still have a voice, and you're telling your story, I'm telling my story of saying there's light on the other side.
Ending on "Hear Me" is like ending a song in church.
Like sad, like Oh, pass it around.
You know, that's - [Arika.]
Hear me.
- [Austin.]
No, I know That alone is such a powerful statement, which is why I like the song.
The whole point is to provoke, like If that's how it comes off.
I don't think it's a good song to end on.
If we have a problem, like, feeling like the integrity is not there in the piece, we can scrap the stuff that we wrote and reassess.
Yeah, as long as it's done right.
Anyway, that's just the way it came off to me.
[inhales.]
Um, all right.
I would love to call that a very fascinating, applause-worthy day.
- An emotional day.
- [Leo.]
Woo! - [Keith.]
Thank you all so much.
- [applause.]
[indistinct chattering.]
[Caitlin laughs.]
[Austin.]
I think maybe it's a good time to have a shot of tequila.
[Matt.]
Oh, yeah.
I haven't had a shot in a long time.
[Austin.]
Let's just have fun.
Who cares? Don't even worry about all that.
- [Matt.]
Cheers.
- [Austin.]
To you.
For guiding me.
I love you.
- [Matt.]
I love you.
- [Austin.]
Knock it back.
[Austin.]
Ah! [laughs.]
I just feel like I came into this thinking that they want hits for the live show - and that's what I'm gonna bring 'em.
- Yeah.
That's what I'm here to do.
Even if it's not something that's gonna be on the Billboard charts.
Once they leave that show, I want them singing the song.
But the rest of the cast is bringing shit that nobody's gonna sing when they walk out.
- Oh.
Oh, okay.
- Up against those eight other people, I have the strongest songwriting ability, and I gotta carry the team on my back.
- You know? - [Matt.]
Hmm.
Like, the other night, when we had the workshop - Keith, the guy that's mediating it - Yeah.
He was kinda giving everybody, you know, - these points, a couple points.
- Yeah.
And we got around to me, he said something, but then everybody thought they had their right to say I don't mind that they critiqued it.
It's the way they did.
Ah.
Okay.
I love constructive criticism.
I'll take it all day.
- Okay.
- But instead of saying, "Hey, you know, I may not know a lot, but this is just what I feel.
" - Yeah.
- It was more like, "Hey.
" They came at me like they're some fucking hit songwriter.
And I'm like, "Shut the fuck up.
" Yeah, in my mind I was just like, "Don't say anything.
Don't say anything.
" - Yeah.
- You know.
And that's where I think people get confused.
They don't know, like, that I'm at the same level of musicianship as Keith is.
I speak his language.
You know? I can run around you in circles when it comes to music theory or anything.
I can play the piano better than you.
I can play the guitar better than you.
I can play drums better than you, and the bass.
- Okay.
- Then I can go write a hit song.
And that's true.
Up against those eight other people, I can do better than anybody else there.
I know for a fact.
Would you call that confident or cocky? Well, I've worked hard to be able to deserve the right to say that now.
Every once in a while, like Jay-Z said, you gotta throw out your stats.
So when people are coming at you, and being like, "You're this, you're lying.
" I'm like, "Okay, put a guitar on.
I'll outplay you.
" - Get on a piano.
I'll outplay you.
- So you can back it up.
Yeah, I can back it up.
They're not treating me the way I feel is respectful of what I have to offer - to the table.
- Yeah.
Who wants a 22-year-old to be better than them? [Matt.]
Do you care if they like you? - [Austin.]
In the beginning I cared.
- Okay.
'Cause I wanted to be on everybody's good side and I liked everybody.
I thought everybody was nice.
- And now you don't? - Now I don't give a fuck.
- Yeah.
I don't give a single fuck.
- [Matt.]
Why? At the end of the day, they don't care aboutÃÂ me, I don't care about them.
That's it.
When they go home at night, they don't care about me.
I mean, that's the truth of the matter.
And this whole thing is about truth.
So, I'm trying to tell the truth about what this really is.
- [Matt.]
Yeah.
- [Austin.]
And that's what it is.
[siren wailing in distance.]
[car horns honking.]
[Leo beatboxing.]
Nigga's talk shit And they never wanna run up With some mad woman And this bimbo gets very jealous But if he tripping Mama let 'em rule go rip him Only giving a flying fuck About the bills that I'm flicking No flipping and no flicking I'll be getting my money You don't get no that Your style is funny But enough about you, bitch It's all about me Westside strip From Englewood To Main City Huh! I'm from the city Where nigga's go when they set up Go when to get wet up So nigga head up We keep the night up I'm from the city Where bitches sucking for class And no daddy, no class They making a profit From being mind fuck Shit! The culture fucked up But I still celebrate us Yeah! [Leo.]
Let's celebrate us Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
[Arika.]
I have the least performing experience out of everybody in the cast.
[Sean.]
I'd love to schedule sessions with everybody, so we can perform.
I definitely think we should.
'Cause, like I can strut down a hallway and everyone's eyes are on me, and I'm gonna love it.
But it's like, when I'm on stage, having to look everybody in their eyes and see in theirÃÂ eyes, they're like "Bitch, what are you doing?" I'm like - [Leo.]
"Huh! What am I doing?" - [laughter.]
[Sean.]
They are sitting and you're standing.
- [Leo.]
Yeah.
- That's what you're doing.
You're up there for a reason.
You know.
And they're there to listen to you.
- Me? - [Sean.]
Yeah.
- My life story? - [Sean.]
Yeah.
Yeah.
- Real shit.
- I gotta sing it? I can't give it to her? - I gotta do it? Oh shit.
- [Sean.]
No, it's all you.
[chuckles.]
I would even just try like Like, in a bathroom, when you can feel totally comfortable just geeking out and just being like I wanna be good now You know? [screams.]
You know? Just like not giving a fuck.
I wanna be like super, super short shorts rollerblading - with glow sticks in the background.
- [Arika.]
Please do.
I wanna be good now - Yes! Please! - [Leo laughing hysterically.]
[Arika.]
The crazy part is, like, there's no blueprint for this.
We can't like look something up.
When you're in there, and you're just like kinda dying mentally from stress.
It's like "Fuck!" - Those workshop rooms are so intense.
- [Arika.]
Yeah.
And draining.
ÃÂ And when I heard that you were, you were upset, I was like I was thinking about I got really sad, because I was thinking about, like I never want you to share anything that you don't feel comfortable with.
I know.
Trust me, I'm not.
If I didn't trust you guys, if I didn't feel like, okay, you know, like, this is what I wanna do, I wouldn't do it.
Trust is the biggest thing, and if you don't feel trust then we have nothing.
You know, I think as a group we all really respect and understand each other.
And I'm gonna speak very candidly, I think we all do except one person.
And I think that's Austin.
- I don't think that he wants - I agree.
I don't think his heart is in this.
- I don't think he brings - I feel so bad for him.
dude.
He's the only one that hasn't gotten into the groupÃÂ essence.
It hurts my heart, 'cause me and Austin probably have the most traumatic, like, life stories out of the cast.
And I really, really, really wanted him to excel.
I'm gonna say something and it may be really fucked up but I don't know if I believe all of his stories.
I ran away as a kid from a rough house life.
I was a high school dropout and I was living on the street.
I was a runaway, dropout, and I just started playing, busking on the streets for money, literally.
They sound polished.
I told him that.
I was like, "Yo, when you said all that shit, it sounded like you practiced it.
" What frustrates me too is because I just wanna fucking take his shoes and his jacket off and shake him and say, - "Let me get to know you.
" - [Leo.]
Hmm.
You know?ÃÂ Like, "Let me in.
" I don't think he really thinks that, like we care about him, like him, like the person.
And he has to realize that we do, to be able to be in this process.
[guitar playing.]
Sixteen days with continuous sobriety.
But who's counting? You guys taking bets on how long it's gonna take before I relapse? - No.
- Oh, that's good.
No, nobody gives a shit about your sobriety.
Everyone's laughing about your relationship, - to be honest.
- Oh, shut up.
Nobody's laughing about my relationship.
- No, everyone's sighing about it.
- Dudes, come on.
Okay, I'm sighing about your relationship.
- [sighs deeply.]
- We're trying to work it out.
- [Caitlin.]
I know, man.
- I need, like, I need support.
It's hard to be supportive when you literally only tell me bad things.
- [James.]
Yeah, I know.
- You just keep saying, "We weren't working 'cause she was stressed.
We weren't working 'cause she was leaving.
We weren't working" We also weren't working 'cause I was an alcoholic, - and I was ruining our relationship.
- [Caitlin.]
Okay.
[James.]
So it's been hard to get her trust back.
You know? It's taking a while.
[James.]
Yasmin and I, it's been a tough go for us.
Because she's been thinking that maybe she was gonna leave me.
Because, you know, I was getting fucked up all the time.
And she's still pretty damn mad at me.
[Caitlin.]
I don't know.
I want you to be happy.
I want shit to work out.
We're trying, right? Like we're trying to, like The things that are broken between us, we're trying to fix those things.
You know? It's just Can you please not say bad stuff? - Bad stuff like - About my relationship.
Sure.
We will not talk about it anymore.
[both chuckling softly.]
[cell phone ringing.]
- [Sue.]
Hi, babe.
- [Alexandra.]
Hey, Mom.
[chuckles.]
- [Sue.]
Can you hear me? - [Alexandra.]
Yeah.
- [Sue.]
How are you? - I'm good.
How's Disney? [Sue.]
It's fun.
You like my ears? - I do.
So cute.
- [both laugh.]
- [Sue.]
Hold on, say hi to your babies.
- [girl.]
Hi, Aunt Lexi.
- Hi, babies.
- [Sue laughs.]
- [Sue.]
I wish you were here.
- I know.
Me too.
[Sue laughs.]
Hey, Mom, can I talk to Taylor really quick? [Sue.]
You can.
You can.
- Hold on a minute.
- [Taylor.]
What's up? What are you doing? - Hanging out at home.
- [Taylor.]
How did your talk with Indy go? Um, we've talked a little bit about like, what we're going through, then we got in a fight today.
- Like right before - [Taylor.]
Oh God, about what? [Alexandra.]
We were in a workshop for like twelve hours.
So we didn't talk a lot yesterday.
So first thing he says when we get on the phone is "Uh, what did you do yesterday?" And I said, "Well, I sent you a text message saying working all day and all night.
Call you when I can.
And then I did call, and you were sleeping.
" And he's like, "Don't get an attitude with me.
" And he, like, got legit upset.
And that breaks my heart.
Like, any time that I see his face, like, look like he's sad, I like, freak out.
Because I love him, and I care about him, and I don't wanna hurt him.
- [Taylor.]
Yeah, I know.
- But I don't knowthat who I'm becoming and who he is now if they'll ever work.
It's a problem.
[Alexandra.]
As much as I miss Indy, and I love Indy, I'm seriously willing to give everything up for the opportunity to just show the world, and show myself that I can do this.
She said I felt like a vampire In that sleepy town ThereâÂÂs only three roads And no, nowhere to get out Dreams still hide In fact they spoke TheyâÂÂll tell you youâÂÂre crazy And call you a joke Oh, but what do they know? They donâÂÂt know whatâÂÂs in your soul And she parks up on How to drive Drive and looks out over the LA sky And starts to cry In Hollywood The stars all wanna shine They get lost somewhere In the city lights EverybodyâÂÂs fighting For a taste of that Champagne high In Hollywood You find out who you are Taking note and stand in line And you play your part Higher than high If thereâÂÂs anywhere you could fly Yeah, you could In Hollywood Desperation IâÂÂve been down the boulevard Homeless queens Working in between billion dollar cars Everyday she goes to auditions With fiery dreams And wishing well wishes And the wheel of dreams Just keeps on spinning Round and round and round and round In Hollywood The stars all wanna shine They get lost somewhere In the city lights EverybodyâÂÂs fighting For a taste of that Champagne high In Hollywood You find out who you are Taking note and stand in line And you play your part Higher than high If thereâÂÂs anywhere you could fly Yeah, you could In Hollywood Yeah, you sell your soul Everything you own For just one shot, one shot One shot, yeah! In Hollywood The stars all wanna shine But they get lost somewhere In the city lights EverybodyâÂÂs fighting For a taste of that Champagne high In Hollywood You find out who you are Taking note and stand in line And you play your part Higher than high If thereâÂÂs any way you could fly Yeah, you could In Hollywood Whoa, whoa, whoa Hollywood Whoa, whoa Whoa! Whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa [train whistling.]
[Austin vocalizing.]
[Keith.]
All right, we're gonna work on your solo song.
I'm the audience.
And as theÃÂ audience, I'm going, "Who are these nine people?" I wanna know the most detailed information about them so that I get the chain of causality - Yeah.
- that brought them to this moment of sharing their story.
Um [sighs.]
That's hard.
That's a big question.
What do you want to say in one song in front of a bunch of people? - You know? - That's the task.
A song that sums up everything.
A word that keeps coming back to me when I think about you is survival.
- You know - But the idea of surviving, that the word surviving just means like you're alwaysÃÂ struggling to me.
I'm looking for I don't wanna beat around the bush.
- Yeah.
- I'm still not 100 percent clear what like - the thesis of the song is.
- [Austin.]
Yeah.
- Oh, of this? - Of this Of your piece.
Like Summed up, it was being on my own at a young age.
Where I went, and why I went, and whatever,ÃÂ you know, me and my mom went through, that's that's her There's also part of the story that's her life, that I can't say.
- Okay.
- Like I didn't really have mom or dad.
I want you to tell me more.
Just talk to me more.
- Can you break this apart for me? - [Austin.]
Yeah.
'Cause you have to have a beginning, middle and end to the artistic experience.
Yeah.
Beginning, middle, end.
The beginning was a struggle.
The middle was promises that were made, that That's actually going promises that were made that never came through.
Might be a good middle section.
Well, we do know what the end is.
The end is It's like the piece of coal that I was, and now I've turned into a diamond.
And, you know, if we could find a way to say that in a more - you know, in a better way, obviously.
- [Keith.]
All right, so You know, it's kind of like this I saw patterns in my grandfather's behavior.
- Yeah.
- That I then saw in my father'sÃÂ behavior.
- Yeah, exactly.
- That I see in my own behavior.
- Yeah.
- But if I say that then the listener goes, "What were those patterns?" [chuckles.]
It doesn't have to be the worst story and it doesn't have to be the bestÃÂ story.
It just needs to be your story, because that's the whole idea of what we're doing.
I mean, we could spend all day dissecting, but I'm trying to sum it up in a way that makes sense to the listener for you.
- I - And that's how we'll write the song.
[Austin.]
I don't know if I should start it off like vibey, or if I should start it off empowering Like a more empowering progression? I want something that is just epic, and it doesn't really necessarily matter to me.
[plays piano.]
But I don't know.
Um, it's hard.
Fuck me.
[plays piano.]
[Austin vocalizing.]
Having to defend my artistic process is kind of ridiculous.
There are no rules in songwriting.
There are no rules.
You can make whatever happen, and make whatever soundÃÂ amazing.
I don't really fucking care what anyone else thinks.
- [siren blaring.]
- [train chugging.]
[James.]
White floor is just like the worst idea ever.
[Yas.]
Why are you cleaning over what I already cleaned? [James.]
'Cause look at how much stuff was there.
[grunts, sighs deeply.]
[James.]
Glad that he still hasn't cashed my rent check.
[object clattering.]
I'm gonna check.
- [James.]
Check what? - [Yas.]
How much money I have.
- [James.]
How much money you have? - [Yas.]
Yeah.
- [keyboard clacking.]
- [James.]
Okay.
[Yas gasps.]
How much do you have? I don't want to say.
Ooh.
[James inhales.]
[exhales.]
Shit.
I think I'm gonna cry.
[chuckles softly.]
I don't know, just groceries and plane tickets and drinking and food that we always order and buy.
- I always get the food, though.
- [Yas sighs.]
For the most part.
The groceries, yeah.
And then I'm sorry, baby.
[sighs.]
Damn.
[sighs.]
[James.]
I'm broke too.
[scoffs.]
Yeah, but I wasn't.
I started this relationship with 15,000 dollars.
I couldÃÂ I could do more stuff to make money, I guess.
Yeah.
I could sell a guitar.
Who would buy it from you? [James.]
I could sell my motorcycle.
Things have been getting really bad with Yas and I'm at a loss.
I don't know.
I just feel like it's all my fault.
[train chugging in distance.]
[sighs.]
This sucks.
[inhales, exhales.]
[Sean.]
We have so much shit to do still.
And we have one workshop left.
And then we have dress rehearsal.
[sighs.]
I found a space for the presentation.
Got a really great deal.
I think it's gonna be perfect for what we wanna accomplish.
It's called the Odyssey.
It's in West LA.
- Do you know it? - I know it.
I know it well.
I have done a very similar - presentation process there.
- Good.
[Sean.]
This presentation for investors has to work.
If we don't have the money, we have nothing.
The amount of work we need to do musically is important to deal with.
How is everyone processing this? How is everyone actually doing internally with all this? 'Cause I'm not going home with them at the end ofÃÂ the day to talk to them about this.
You can [humming.]
[Keith.]
So Pia's - [Sean.]
Avatar? - [Keith.]
Avatar.
Got me all figured out [Keith.]
I just don't know that the word Avatar, if it's her.
So that story about her being the ice queen, makes me think that there's some imagery there.
Frozen queen with a painted mask [normal voice.]
Fucking son of a bitch.
I know it feels late [laughs.]
in the game to start a whole new song, but But if there's someone who can do it, it's you and her.
[vocalizing.]
[Keith.]
Um - Caitlin.
- Miss Ary.
- I think it's working super great.
- [Sean.]
Mm-hmm.
[Keith.]
I don't have any problems with the song at this point.
[Keith.]
The rooster Fuck, yeah.
I think it's funky and cool and sexy, and he's telling a lot of stories.
But we're not quite connecting those dots in terms of why he feels like a cock.
- [both chuckle.]
- You know? They need to be focused and prepared to do the work and have no other distractions.
There's no fucking around.
And not high or drunk.
[Keith.]
People are telling me, "Oh, you didn't realize so-and-so was totally drunk?" [Sean.]
This is a professional setting.
There will be no substances of any kind to help them with their creativity.
[Keith.]
We need to talk about Austin.
He's been the least cooperative.
He doesn't want to write with me.
[guitar playing.]
We actually had to start writing new material together.
And that proved to be challenging.
The more I asked, the more he shut down.
And I'm not sure howÃÂ to solve that yet.
I I'm at such a loss.
At the end of the day, it's about the project.
And it's about theÃÂ integrity of the work, the other cast members put in, day in and day out.
And they go home and they write, because they're excited to come in the next day.
[sighs.]
It doesn't seem to be getting through to him, that it's either, you want to be a part of this, or not.
Because the more that you continue to not do the work, affects the rest of us.
I can't have you throwing in a sour attitude, questioning authority, and not doing the work.
It tears me up.
Maybe it's about just [tongue clicks.]
finding a time to sit down.
Right.
I feel like we have to recognize that there's a bad seed.
And it's affecting the integrity of this show.
- And we need to fix it.
- [Keith.]
Yeah.
[Pia.]
I really need in this show to establish who I am.
Like, finally, as an artist.
My husband's a dancer.
ÃÂ But it's also really hard for us to work together.
[laughs.]
I know.
It's just really hard showing the person you love your weaknesses.
- Like, you're writing - That's a whole thing right now.
- [Pia.]
Is it? - Yeah.
- Anyway, sorry.
- No, please.
- But, yeah, that's a whole - [Pia.]
Yeah.
That's a whole thing that's going on right now.
Because I'm just not in a good place with him.
At all.
- [Pia.]
Indy? - Yeah.
- What happened? - [Alexandra.]
Um - It's just weird.
- [Pia.]
I thought everything was just fine.
It was.
It was and then I I feel like but I was trying to just to pretend like it was.
I had to have the conversation with Indy because he could tell I was being weird.
- You had the conversation with him? - I had a little bit of it with him, yeah.
[Alexandra.]
I'm really annoyed with trying to act like everything's okay when it's not.
- [Indy.]
Not doing the best job of that.
- [Alexandra.]
We have to talk about it.
- [Indy.]
You can blame me.
I don't care.
- [Alexandra.]
Indy.
[Indy.]
'Cause all this goes both ways, you know? [Alexandra.]
I don't know.
I just feel like we have a lot to figure out.
[Indy.]
I'm over it.
[Alexandra.]
I don't feel like our relationship is gonna change.
[Indy.]
Me neither.
- [Indy.]
We could go our separate ways now.
- [Alexandra.]
Yeah.
[Indy.]
This sucks, man.
[Alexandra sighs deeply.]
Like, I told you, I was really sad today? - Like, I was really down.
- Yeah.
That's who I'd call.
That's the person who makes me happy again.
That's what I freak out about when I think of - Not having that.
- Not having that.
It's crazy because you seemed so happy and like [Alexandra.]
And I was.
And I really was.
It's just being out here.
You know, I could be exactly who I wanna be.
- [Pia.]
You will be.
You're going to be.
- And know what I want.
- And know what I need.
- [Pia.]
Yeah.
I'm just now coming in to liking who I am.
- Good.
- [Alexandra.]
I don't wanna sacrifice that.
- Because I can't feel like this.
- [Pia.]
How did he take it? - He was really upset.
- Yeah.
So do you think that this is it? Yeah.
- [wind whistling.]
- [crickets chirping.]
[crow cawing.]
[James.]
Such a beautiful day right now and I'm fucking miserable.
[scoffs.]
Fuck, man.
[James.]
Yas is gone.
[sighs.]
It's just it's never easy breaking up with somebody.
It's weird to grow up and realize that sometimes love is not enough.
You know? Like sometimes you can be really in love with somebody and love holding them and being with them and love the good times, but like not be able to get along on a consistent basis, and just be miserable.
Yeah.
[Sean.]
You dropped her off at the airport? - [James.]
Yeah.
- [Sean.]
How was that? [James.]
Awful.
[sighs deeply.]
Rationally, I know that love is a two-way street, but You know, I asked her to marry me.
I made a promise.
I feel like I like I failed somehow.
[James.]
I used to drop her off at the airport, and follow her as far as I could go inside of the airport.
just to see her forÃÂ a few more seconds.
[inhales sharply.]
[voice trembles.]
You know what I mean? But when we got there, she got really, really mad.
She started crying.
I kissed her and I held her face.
And I was like, "I love you.
" And she said, "I hate you.
" And I was like, "Please stop.
" And she just turned around and walked off.
Just a really sad goodbye.
[sniffs.]
[cries.]
[sniffs.]
When she left she said I hate your guts and your head Really miss you She took a long last drag Of that sad cigarette Closed the book on where did he go Gone, gone, gone The long road is gone Gone, gone, gone The long road is gone Gone, gone, gone The long road is gone [siren wailing in distance.]
[car horns honking.]
[indistinct chattering.]
[Sean.]
Guys! You guys, you wanna play the sports? Let's do one day of the sports.
[applause, cheering.]
[Leo laughing.]
[Taz.]
Yeah.
- Yeah! - [Leo.]
Yeah! [applause, cheering.]
[Sean.]
Lexi and Taz went shopping today.
- She was Tazified.
- [Taz.]
No! She picked it out herself! [Sean.]
You were Tazified! [Alexandra.]
I'm just upgrading to better clothes.
It's not that big of a deal.
But in my mind, it is.
And it's crazy.
I'm becoming better.
I'm becoming a better version of myself every day.
[Taz.]
James! - [Alexandra.]
Jimmy Darkness! - [James.]
Oh, boy.
- [Alexandra.]
Oh no, he's dead.
ÃÂ He's dead.
- I hung up that hat.
[laughs.]
- [Sean.]
Yes! - [Keith.]
It's right down the middle.
- [all shouting.]
Woo! - [Taz.]
Yes! - [applause.]
- [Pia.]
Whoa! [Arika laughing.]
[James.]
Normally, whenever I felt miserable, in the past I would just drink.
- [Leo.]
Get it! Get it! Get it! - [Keith.]
Ah! I'd have a few drinks, and then I'd start feeling goofy and lively.
[Leo laughing.]
[James.]
It's hard for me to watch other people enjoying liquor.
[Caitlin.]
Cheers! [Leo.]
Dude, These bubbles, man.
I can't even feel my face, guys.
[Leo laughing hysterically.]
[Arika.]
What the fuck! Why aren't you drinking? - [Taz.]
What you wanna drink? - [Austin.]
You wanna smoke? - [Leo.]
Okay, can I get a beer though? - [Keith.]
She cocks it back and fires! - [people cheering.]
- [Taz.]
Yes! [Arika.]
Come on! [Leo laughing hysterically.]
I want a fucking drink.
[chuckles.]
Goddamn it! [Sean.]
Yeah, yeah, feeling good.
[Pia.]
Ooh! [women cheering.]
[applause.]
[cheering continues.]
- [engine starts, revs.]
- [tires squealing.]
You and me I ainâÂÂt got nothing to say I put myàsorries in a box For a rainy day Put the box in the cupboard Where I put my shame And when you come around here DonâÂÂt speak my name You and me, honey, got nothing to say Put your sorries in a box For a rainy day Put the box in the cupboard Where I put my shame And when you come around here Don't speak my name My eyes burn And theyâÂÂre turning pink My head hurts trying not to think IâÂÂm my own, my own worst enemy IâÂÂm bent so good I should let it be But I see stars when I look at you I get a craving And thereâÂÂs nothing that I wouldnâÂÂt do Just one hit and itâÂÂll taste of you Got to remind myself of everything You put me through No matter what I say IâÂÂm gonna feed that flame Feed that flame You and me, honey, got nothing to say Put your sorries in a box For a rainy day Put the box in the cupboard Where I put my shame And when you come around here DonâÂÂt speak my name No matter what I say IâÂÂm gonna feed that flame Feed that flame I get high on the thought of you I come down and IâÂÂm coming to NothingâÂÂs left but the residue I'mma lick it up to get a piece of you You bleed me like a parasite Sucking on my lips Hunting out the light No one else can even do it right I need to put you down And take myself out of the fight No matter what I say IâÂÂm gonna feed that flame Feed that flame Yeah! You and me, honey, got nothing to say Put your sorries in a box For a rainy day Put the box in the cupboard Where I put my shame And when you come around here DonâÂÂt speak my name No matter what I say IâÂÂm gonna feed that flame Feed that flame Maybe in the morning I can just forget about the mess I made Maybe in the morning I can just forget about the things I said Maybe in the morning We can just forget about the mess We made Maybe in the morning We can just forget about the things We said You and me, honey, got nothing to say Put your sorries in a box For a rainy day Put the box in the cupboard Where I put my shame And when you come around here DonâÂÂt speak my name You and me, honey, got nothing to say Put your sorries in a box For a rainy day Put the box in the cupboard Where I put my shame And when you come around here DonâÂÂt speak my name No matter what I say IâÂÂm gonna feed that flame Feed that flame Feed that flame [glass shattering.]
SDH created by: Arvind Vishwakarma
You are, by presenting this material, sharing yourself and being totally exposed.
[Arika.]
Someone needs to make sure that we're feeling fucking okay if we're taking in this process and not feeling so fucking stressed out.
A lot of shit don't heal.
I can't do it.
[Leo.]
You don't have to.
They want this shit.
I suppress all this shit and then it just comes the fuck out.
[Leo.]
Don't fucking suppress the fucking shit outta shit.
[Arika.]
It's like balling up a piece of paper.
You can flatten it out as much as you want, but it's still never gonna look how it did to begin with.
[Leo.]
I know.
- It's my whole fucking life! - [Leo.]
I know.
- Fuck! - [Leo.]
It's a lot.
[Leo.]
It's a lot.
[Pia.]
Being vulnerable and letting those guards down and opening up is really scary.
[Caitlin.]
I don't even really know why I'm doing it, who I'm doing it for.
[Taz.]
I want this live show to remind me that I am a badass.
I'm a superstar.
I'm a singer.
I'm a dancer.
I'm a strong woman.
[Leo.]
It's just really obvious and apparent that we're all here to do our best.
Shit.
If we're not I know I am.
Everyone, okay.
Good.
Let's work on "Hear Me", everyone.
Let's see if we can work, stumble through the newest group material.
[Alexandra.]
I'd really like to shed the feeling of inadequacy.
The feeling, like, I'm never gonna be good enough.
You just raise your hand if you have something, lyrics, aÃÂ melody, both.
Whatever peopleÃÂ have to share, it's all loose.
We're all figuring it out today.
[Sean.]
All we're responsible for is for our truth.
Austin, did you have? [Austin.]
Um I honestly don't have anything for it.
But I can have something for it by tomorrow.
[Keith.]
You had two weeks.
Okay.
Dude, when we started this show I was on a writing frenzy.
And wrote so many new songs that are so good.
And I can see a change since then, - in the way you look - Yeah, dude, so pessimistic.
- [Alexandra.]
Exactly.
- So pessimistic.
- [Alexandra.]
You weren't that person.
- I've never been that guy.
- [Alexandra.]
Thank you so much.
- I'm so emotionally drained.
Yeah.
- I'm so emotionally drained.
- You're my first friend in this city.
And I hate to see you become unhappy with, I guess, the process.
Dude, I fucking hate it.
I hate it - I understand.
- I really try to be open-minded.
Mentally, I'm just trying to figure my shit out.
Dude, I'm not gonna lie.
But it is hard.
- I know.
- It's really hard.
I wanna see you in this.
And inspired.
I wanna see you inspired.
- I wanna see myself happy again.
- 'Cause I met inspired Austin - when I first met you.
- Yeah, yeah.
And he's taken a trip, and I want him to come back.
[chuckles.]
[piano playing.]
[Keith.]
Lexi.
- Lexi, you had a way.
- [Alexandra.]
Um, right.
[Keith.]
Two, three, four I won't let you taint my life I won't let you win I won't let you change the person That I've always been [Keith.]
Taz.
And just being me I'm gonna let the world see So come and won't you take a seat [Keith.]
Great.
It's like going north When I should have gone south Playing roulette, Russian roulette When I open my mouth But I dah-dah-dah-dah-dah Dah-dah-dah-dah-deh my mouth - Something like that.
- [Keith.]
Great.
I remember A time I'll never hide A lifelong December Feeling broke inside Feet forever rooted in love Deep in the dirt As I've know Here my life [chuckles.]
Let her in Hear [Keith.]
Here we go! Me sing [chorus.]
Hear me [Keith.]
AÃÂ cappella! Hear me - [keypads tapping.]
- [all snapping fingers.]
Hear me - [piano playing stops.]
- [Keith.]
The end.
- [Leo.]
That was our first run.
- We just fucking did our run through.
- [applause.]
- [Caitlin.]
Thank you.
Woo! [Sean.]
I always go back to what James used to say of where there was once darkness, let there be light.
There was nothing, and we've just created something.
[indistinct chattering.]
Can we Let's just have quiet right now.
Shh.
So this is This gets to notes.
Should we be interpreting this as, um, opinionated feedback - or as uh, scripture? Like law.
- [Keith.]
I know that I'm the music director, this, that, the other, whatever.
It feels prescriptive sometimes.
- But please, these are opinions.
- Okay.
[Keith.]
I'm just gonna go in order.
Pia.
The Avatar song is showcasing your voice well.
She's behind my avatar But the verses may be too specific to the Internet.
So we just have to do a lot of rewriting - and figuring out what that's gonna be.
- Absolutely.
Uh, James, I think your monologue needs to be half the length it is.
- Okay.
- [Keith.]
Lexi, - I think some more writing work to do.
- [Lexi.]
Okay.
- Thank you.
- [Keith.]
Thank you.
Taz, the hook isn't landing.
- [clears throat.]
- Leo, the intent is correct.
- [Leo.]
Hmm.
- But for me, I think the tone is the the disconnect.
Sean, uh, my general note is - why so serious? - [all chuckle.]
Caitlin, I think the extra repeat of that melody is gonna be super satisfying if it wraps up in a way that makes us go, "Oh, wow.
I didn't even realize that's how all this was fitting together.
" Understood.
[Keith.]
Arika.
Everyone likes the song.
- [sighs.]
- [laughter.]
I think I might have, like, wrote a song that is a lot more confident than I am.
I wanna be good now No, I should now I think it's super rich, showcases your vocals in a great way, - and practice is going to make perfect.
- Good.
Thank you.
[Arika.]
The person I wanna be is full of poise, and grace, and confident as hell.
She's still a badass, but she doesn't need to prove her toughness.
That's where I'm trying to get to.
- Austin.
- Yeah.
Your song is "Life Goes On After The Song.
" [Austin.]
I'm moving on The melody is strong And that's all we got And it's all right now There feels like there's a dearth of specificity.
- Lyrically? Or what are we talking about? - [Keith.]
Lyrically.
I can hear most of these words, coming out of most of these mouths.
Rather than you being the only one who could say these words, because they are so specific to you.
It's It's feeling, maybe for lack of a better word, generic.
And I know that it's all, look - [Leo.]
Mind if I interject? - Please.
All the things that you've done, and all of it, it's all great, but you're still hiding something and we feel like you're hiding something.
And I'm not saying that to piss you off.
I wanna know you.
We wanna know you.
We wanna feel you.
The things that I really connect to most in music is something that's like so specific that a million people could listen to it and have no idea what it means.
But then one person listens to it, and they're like, "That fucking same exact thing happened to me.
" I think that's what's missing a little bit.
Austin, I hope you're not feeling like attacked.
[Keith clears throat.]
[Keith.]
All right, it's, uh It's 9:30.
[Arika chuckles.]
[Keith.]
Uh,ÃÂ Austin let's talk after and figure out a game plan for how to help find the specificity.
And then also on my homework list is seeing what I can massage out of everyone's "Hear Me" input.
Hear me - [chuckling.]
- Why are we singing "Hear Me"? Like we all live in LA, and, like, you have a house.
I live in Beverly Hills with a BMW.
You know, we're all fucking fine.
- [Sean.]
We're singing "Hear Me" because - Like, people are dying in the world You still have a voice, and you're telling your story, I'm telling my story of saying there's light on the other side.
Ending on "Hear Me" is like ending a song in church.
Like sad, like Oh, pass it around.
You know, that's - [Arika.]
Hear me.
- [Austin.]
No, I know That alone is such a powerful statement, which is why I like the song.
The whole point is to provoke, like If that's how it comes off.
I don't think it's a good song to end on.
If we have a problem, like, feeling like the integrity is not there in the piece, we can scrap the stuff that we wrote and reassess.
Yeah, as long as it's done right.
Anyway, that's just the way it came off to me.
[inhales.]
Um, all right.
I would love to call that a very fascinating, applause-worthy day.
- An emotional day.
- [Leo.]
Woo! - [Keith.]
Thank you all so much.
- [applause.]
[indistinct chattering.]
[Caitlin laughs.]
[Austin.]
I think maybe it's a good time to have a shot of tequila.
[Matt.]
Oh, yeah.
I haven't had a shot in a long time.
[Austin.]
Let's just have fun.
Who cares? Don't even worry about all that.
- [Matt.]
Cheers.
- [Austin.]
To you.
For guiding me.
I love you.
- [Matt.]
I love you.
- [Austin.]
Knock it back.
[Austin.]
Ah! [laughs.]
I just feel like I came into this thinking that they want hits for the live show - and that's what I'm gonna bring 'em.
- Yeah.
That's what I'm here to do.
Even if it's not something that's gonna be on the Billboard charts.
Once they leave that show, I want them singing the song.
But the rest of the cast is bringing shit that nobody's gonna sing when they walk out.
- Oh.
Oh, okay.
- Up against those eight other people, I have the strongest songwriting ability, and I gotta carry the team on my back.
- You know? - [Matt.]
Hmm.
Like, the other night, when we had the workshop - Keith, the guy that's mediating it - Yeah.
He was kinda giving everybody, you know, - these points, a couple points.
- Yeah.
And we got around to me, he said something, but then everybody thought they had their right to say I don't mind that they critiqued it.
It's the way they did.
Ah.
Okay.
I love constructive criticism.
I'll take it all day.
- Okay.
- But instead of saying, "Hey, you know, I may not know a lot, but this is just what I feel.
" - Yeah.
- It was more like, "Hey.
" They came at me like they're some fucking hit songwriter.
And I'm like, "Shut the fuck up.
" Yeah, in my mind I was just like, "Don't say anything.
Don't say anything.
" - Yeah.
- You know.
And that's where I think people get confused.
They don't know, like, that I'm at the same level of musicianship as Keith is.
I speak his language.
You know? I can run around you in circles when it comes to music theory or anything.
I can play the piano better than you.
I can play the guitar better than you.
I can play drums better than you, and the bass.
- Okay.
- Then I can go write a hit song.
And that's true.
Up against those eight other people, I can do better than anybody else there.
I know for a fact.
Would you call that confident or cocky? Well, I've worked hard to be able to deserve the right to say that now.
Every once in a while, like Jay-Z said, you gotta throw out your stats.
So when people are coming at you, and being like, "You're this, you're lying.
" I'm like, "Okay, put a guitar on.
I'll outplay you.
" - Get on a piano.
I'll outplay you.
- So you can back it up.
Yeah, I can back it up.
They're not treating me the way I feel is respectful of what I have to offer - to the table.
- Yeah.
Who wants a 22-year-old to be better than them? [Matt.]
Do you care if they like you? - [Austin.]
In the beginning I cared.
- Okay.
'Cause I wanted to be on everybody's good side and I liked everybody.
I thought everybody was nice.
- And now you don't? - Now I don't give a fuck.
- Yeah.
I don't give a single fuck.
- [Matt.]
Why? At the end of the day, they don't care aboutÃÂ me, I don't care about them.
That's it.
When they go home at night, they don't care about me.
I mean, that's the truth of the matter.
And this whole thing is about truth.
So, I'm trying to tell the truth about what this really is.
- [Matt.]
Yeah.
- [Austin.]
And that's what it is.
[siren wailing in distance.]
[car horns honking.]
[Leo beatboxing.]
Nigga's talk shit And they never wanna run up With some mad woman And this bimbo gets very jealous But if he tripping Mama let 'em rule go rip him Only giving a flying fuck About the bills that I'm flicking No flipping and no flicking I'll be getting my money You don't get no that Your style is funny But enough about you, bitch It's all about me Westside strip From Englewood To Main City Huh! I'm from the city Where nigga's go when they set up Go when to get wet up So nigga head up We keep the night up I'm from the city Where bitches sucking for class And no daddy, no class They making a profit From being mind fuck Shit! The culture fucked up But I still celebrate us Yeah! [Leo.]
Let's celebrate us Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
[Arika.]
I have the least performing experience out of everybody in the cast.
[Sean.]
I'd love to schedule sessions with everybody, so we can perform.
I definitely think we should.
'Cause, like I can strut down a hallway and everyone's eyes are on me, and I'm gonna love it.
But it's like, when I'm on stage, having to look everybody in their eyes and see in theirÃÂ eyes, they're like "Bitch, what are you doing?" I'm like - [Leo.]
"Huh! What am I doing?" - [laughter.]
[Sean.]
They are sitting and you're standing.
- [Leo.]
Yeah.
- That's what you're doing.
You're up there for a reason.
You know.
And they're there to listen to you.
- Me? - [Sean.]
Yeah.
- My life story? - [Sean.]
Yeah.
Yeah.
- Real shit.
- I gotta sing it? I can't give it to her? - I gotta do it? Oh shit.
- [Sean.]
No, it's all you.
[chuckles.]
I would even just try like Like, in a bathroom, when you can feel totally comfortable just geeking out and just being like I wanna be good now You know? [screams.]
You know? Just like not giving a fuck.
I wanna be like super, super short shorts rollerblading - with glow sticks in the background.
- [Arika.]
Please do.
I wanna be good now - Yes! Please! - [Leo laughing hysterically.]
[Arika.]
The crazy part is, like, there's no blueprint for this.
We can't like look something up.
When you're in there, and you're just like kinda dying mentally from stress.
It's like "Fuck!" - Those workshop rooms are so intense.
- [Arika.]
Yeah.
And draining.
ÃÂ And when I heard that you were, you were upset, I was like I was thinking about I got really sad, because I was thinking about, like I never want you to share anything that you don't feel comfortable with.
I know.
Trust me, I'm not.
If I didn't trust you guys, if I didn't feel like, okay, you know, like, this is what I wanna do, I wouldn't do it.
Trust is the biggest thing, and if you don't feel trust then we have nothing.
You know, I think as a group we all really respect and understand each other.
And I'm gonna speak very candidly, I think we all do except one person.
And I think that's Austin.
- I don't think that he wants - I agree.
I don't think his heart is in this.
- I don't think he brings - I feel so bad for him.
dude.
He's the only one that hasn't gotten into the groupÃÂ essence.
It hurts my heart, 'cause me and Austin probably have the most traumatic, like, life stories out of the cast.
And I really, really, really wanted him to excel.
I'm gonna say something and it may be really fucked up but I don't know if I believe all of his stories.
I ran away as a kid from a rough house life.
I was a high school dropout and I was living on the street.
I was a runaway, dropout, and I just started playing, busking on the streets for money, literally.
They sound polished.
I told him that.
I was like, "Yo, when you said all that shit, it sounded like you practiced it.
" What frustrates me too is because I just wanna fucking take his shoes and his jacket off and shake him and say, - "Let me get to know you.
" - [Leo.]
Hmm.
You know?ÃÂ Like, "Let me in.
" I don't think he really thinks that, like we care about him, like him, like the person.
And he has to realize that we do, to be able to be in this process.
[guitar playing.]
Sixteen days with continuous sobriety.
But who's counting? You guys taking bets on how long it's gonna take before I relapse? - No.
- Oh, that's good.
No, nobody gives a shit about your sobriety.
Everyone's laughing about your relationship, - to be honest.
- Oh, shut up.
Nobody's laughing about my relationship.
- No, everyone's sighing about it.
- Dudes, come on.
Okay, I'm sighing about your relationship.
- [sighs deeply.]
- We're trying to work it out.
- [Caitlin.]
I know, man.
- I need, like, I need support.
It's hard to be supportive when you literally only tell me bad things.
- [James.]
Yeah, I know.
- You just keep saying, "We weren't working 'cause she was stressed.
We weren't working 'cause she was leaving.
We weren't working" We also weren't working 'cause I was an alcoholic, - and I was ruining our relationship.
- [Caitlin.]
Okay.
[James.]
So it's been hard to get her trust back.
You know? It's taking a while.
[James.]
Yasmin and I, it's been a tough go for us.
Because she's been thinking that maybe she was gonna leave me.
Because, you know, I was getting fucked up all the time.
And she's still pretty damn mad at me.
[Caitlin.]
I don't know.
I want you to be happy.
I want shit to work out.
We're trying, right? Like we're trying to, like The things that are broken between us, we're trying to fix those things.
You know? It's just Can you please not say bad stuff? - Bad stuff like - About my relationship.
Sure.
We will not talk about it anymore.
[both chuckling softly.]
[cell phone ringing.]
- [Sue.]
Hi, babe.
- [Alexandra.]
Hey, Mom.
[chuckles.]
- [Sue.]
Can you hear me? - [Alexandra.]
Yeah.
- [Sue.]
How are you? - I'm good.
How's Disney? [Sue.]
It's fun.
You like my ears? - I do.
So cute.
- [both laugh.]
- [Sue.]
Hold on, say hi to your babies.
- [girl.]
Hi, Aunt Lexi.
- Hi, babies.
- [Sue laughs.]
- [Sue.]
I wish you were here.
- I know.
Me too.
[Sue laughs.]
Hey, Mom, can I talk to Taylor really quick? [Sue.]
You can.
You can.
- Hold on a minute.
- [Taylor.]
What's up? What are you doing? - Hanging out at home.
- [Taylor.]
How did your talk with Indy go? Um, we've talked a little bit about like, what we're going through, then we got in a fight today.
- Like right before - [Taylor.]
Oh God, about what? [Alexandra.]
We were in a workshop for like twelve hours.
So we didn't talk a lot yesterday.
So first thing he says when we get on the phone is "Uh, what did you do yesterday?" And I said, "Well, I sent you a text message saying working all day and all night.
Call you when I can.
And then I did call, and you were sleeping.
" And he's like, "Don't get an attitude with me.
" And he, like, got legit upset.
And that breaks my heart.
Like, any time that I see his face, like, look like he's sad, I like, freak out.
Because I love him, and I care about him, and I don't wanna hurt him.
- [Taylor.]
Yeah, I know.
- But I don't knowthat who I'm becoming and who he is now if they'll ever work.
It's a problem.
[Alexandra.]
As much as I miss Indy, and I love Indy, I'm seriously willing to give everything up for the opportunity to just show the world, and show myself that I can do this.
She said I felt like a vampire In that sleepy town ThereâÂÂs only three roads And no, nowhere to get out Dreams still hide In fact they spoke TheyâÂÂll tell you youâÂÂre crazy And call you a joke Oh, but what do they know? They donâÂÂt know whatâÂÂs in your soul And she parks up on How to drive Drive and looks out over the LA sky And starts to cry In Hollywood The stars all wanna shine They get lost somewhere In the city lights EverybodyâÂÂs fighting For a taste of that Champagne high In Hollywood You find out who you are Taking note and stand in line And you play your part Higher than high If thereâÂÂs anywhere you could fly Yeah, you could In Hollywood Desperation IâÂÂve been down the boulevard Homeless queens Working in between billion dollar cars Everyday she goes to auditions With fiery dreams And wishing well wishes And the wheel of dreams Just keeps on spinning Round and round and round and round In Hollywood The stars all wanna shine They get lost somewhere In the city lights EverybodyâÂÂs fighting For a taste of that Champagne high In Hollywood You find out who you are Taking note and stand in line And you play your part Higher than high If thereâÂÂs anywhere you could fly Yeah, you could In Hollywood Yeah, you sell your soul Everything you own For just one shot, one shot One shot, yeah! In Hollywood The stars all wanna shine But they get lost somewhere In the city lights EverybodyâÂÂs fighting For a taste of that Champagne high In Hollywood You find out who you are Taking note and stand in line And you play your part Higher than high If thereâÂÂs any way you could fly Yeah, you could In Hollywood Whoa, whoa, whoa Hollywood Whoa, whoa Whoa! Whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa Whoa, whoa [train whistling.]
[Austin vocalizing.]
[Keith.]
All right, we're gonna work on your solo song.
I'm the audience.
And as theÃÂ audience, I'm going, "Who are these nine people?" I wanna know the most detailed information about them so that I get the chain of causality - Yeah.
- that brought them to this moment of sharing their story.
Um [sighs.]
That's hard.
That's a big question.
What do you want to say in one song in front of a bunch of people? - You know? - That's the task.
A song that sums up everything.
A word that keeps coming back to me when I think about you is survival.
- You know - But the idea of surviving, that the word surviving just means like you're alwaysÃÂ struggling to me.
I'm looking for I don't wanna beat around the bush.
- Yeah.
- I'm still not 100 percent clear what like - the thesis of the song is.
- [Austin.]
Yeah.
- Oh, of this? - Of this Of your piece.
Like Summed up, it was being on my own at a young age.
Where I went, and why I went, and whatever,ÃÂ you know, me and my mom went through, that's that's her There's also part of the story that's her life, that I can't say.
- Okay.
- Like I didn't really have mom or dad.
I want you to tell me more.
Just talk to me more.
- Can you break this apart for me? - [Austin.]
Yeah.
'Cause you have to have a beginning, middle and end to the artistic experience.
Yeah.
Beginning, middle, end.
The beginning was a struggle.
The middle was promises that were made, that That's actually going promises that were made that never came through.
Might be a good middle section.
Well, we do know what the end is.
The end is It's like the piece of coal that I was, and now I've turned into a diamond.
And, you know, if we could find a way to say that in a more - you know, in a better way, obviously.
- [Keith.]
All right, so You know, it's kind of like this I saw patterns in my grandfather's behavior.
- Yeah.
- That I then saw in my father'sÃÂ behavior.
- Yeah, exactly.
- That I see in my own behavior.
- Yeah.
- But if I say that then the listener goes, "What were those patterns?" [chuckles.]
It doesn't have to be the worst story and it doesn't have to be the bestÃÂ story.
It just needs to be your story, because that's the whole idea of what we're doing.
I mean, we could spend all day dissecting, but I'm trying to sum it up in a way that makes sense to the listener for you.
- I - And that's how we'll write the song.
[Austin.]
I don't know if I should start it off like vibey, or if I should start it off empowering Like a more empowering progression? I want something that is just epic, and it doesn't really necessarily matter to me.
[plays piano.]
But I don't know.
Um, it's hard.
Fuck me.
[plays piano.]
[Austin vocalizing.]
Having to defend my artistic process is kind of ridiculous.
There are no rules in songwriting.
There are no rules.
You can make whatever happen, and make whatever soundÃÂ amazing.
I don't really fucking care what anyone else thinks.
- [siren blaring.]
- [train chugging.]
[James.]
White floor is just like the worst idea ever.
[Yas.]
Why are you cleaning over what I already cleaned? [James.]
'Cause look at how much stuff was there.
[grunts, sighs deeply.]
[James.]
Glad that he still hasn't cashed my rent check.
[object clattering.]
I'm gonna check.
- [James.]
Check what? - [Yas.]
How much money I have.
- [James.]
How much money you have? - [Yas.]
Yeah.
- [keyboard clacking.]
- [James.]
Okay.
[Yas gasps.]
How much do you have? I don't want to say.
Ooh.
[James inhales.]
[exhales.]
Shit.
I think I'm gonna cry.
[chuckles softly.]
I don't know, just groceries and plane tickets and drinking and food that we always order and buy.
- I always get the food, though.
- [Yas sighs.]
For the most part.
The groceries, yeah.
And then I'm sorry, baby.
[sighs.]
Damn.
[sighs.]
[James.]
I'm broke too.
[scoffs.]
Yeah, but I wasn't.
I started this relationship with 15,000 dollars.
I couldÃÂ I could do more stuff to make money, I guess.
Yeah.
I could sell a guitar.
Who would buy it from you? [James.]
I could sell my motorcycle.
Things have been getting really bad with Yas and I'm at a loss.
I don't know.
I just feel like it's all my fault.
[train chugging in distance.]
[sighs.]
This sucks.
[inhales, exhales.]
[Sean.]
We have so much shit to do still.
And we have one workshop left.
And then we have dress rehearsal.
[sighs.]
I found a space for the presentation.
Got a really great deal.
I think it's gonna be perfect for what we wanna accomplish.
It's called the Odyssey.
It's in West LA.
- Do you know it? - I know it.
I know it well.
I have done a very similar - presentation process there.
- Good.
[Sean.]
This presentation for investors has to work.
If we don't have the money, we have nothing.
The amount of work we need to do musically is important to deal with.
How is everyone processing this? How is everyone actually doing internally with all this? 'Cause I'm not going home with them at the end ofÃÂ the day to talk to them about this.
You can [humming.]
[Keith.]
So Pia's - [Sean.]
Avatar? - [Keith.]
Avatar.
Got me all figured out [Keith.]
I just don't know that the word Avatar, if it's her.
So that story about her being the ice queen, makes me think that there's some imagery there.
Frozen queen with a painted mask [normal voice.]
Fucking son of a bitch.
I know it feels late [laughs.]
in the game to start a whole new song, but But if there's someone who can do it, it's you and her.
[vocalizing.]
[Keith.]
Um - Caitlin.
- Miss Ary.
- I think it's working super great.
- [Sean.]
Mm-hmm.
[Keith.]
I don't have any problems with the song at this point.
[Keith.]
The rooster Fuck, yeah.
I think it's funky and cool and sexy, and he's telling a lot of stories.
But we're not quite connecting those dots in terms of why he feels like a cock.
- [both chuckle.]
- You know? They need to be focused and prepared to do the work and have no other distractions.
There's no fucking around.
And not high or drunk.
[Keith.]
People are telling me, "Oh, you didn't realize so-and-so was totally drunk?" [Sean.]
This is a professional setting.
There will be no substances of any kind to help them with their creativity.
[Keith.]
We need to talk about Austin.
He's been the least cooperative.
He doesn't want to write with me.
[guitar playing.]
We actually had to start writing new material together.
And that proved to be challenging.
The more I asked, the more he shut down.
And I'm not sure howÃÂ to solve that yet.
I I'm at such a loss.
At the end of the day, it's about the project.
And it's about theÃÂ integrity of the work, the other cast members put in, day in and day out.
And they go home and they write, because they're excited to come in the next day.
[sighs.]
It doesn't seem to be getting through to him, that it's either, you want to be a part of this, or not.
Because the more that you continue to not do the work, affects the rest of us.
I can't have you throwing in a sour attitude, questioning authority, and not doing the work.
It tears me up.
Maybe it's about just [tongue clicks.]
finding a time to sit down.
Right.
I feel like we have to recognize that there's a bad seed.
And it's affecting the integrity of this show.
- And we need to fix it.
- [Keith.]
Yeah.
[Pia.]
I really need in this show to establish who I am.
Like, finally, as an artist.
My husband's a dancer.
ÃÂ But it's also really hard for us to work together.
[laughs.]
I know.
It's just really hard showing the person you love your weaknesses.
- Like, you're writing - That's a whole thing right now.
- [Pia.]
Is it? - Yeah.
- Anyway, sorry.
- No, please.
- But, yeah, that's a whole - [Pia.]
Yeah.
That's a whole thing that's going on right now.
Because I'm just not in a good place with him.
At all.
- [Pia.]
Indy? - Yeah.
- What happened? - [Alexandra.]
Um - It's just weird.
- [Pia.]
I thought everything was just fine.
It was.
It was and then I I feel like but I was trying to just to pretend like it was.
I had to have the conversation with Indy because he could tell I was being weird.
- You had the conversation with him? - I had a little bit of it with him, yeah.
[Alexandra.]
I'm really annoyed with trying to act like everything's okay when it's not.
- [Indy.]
Not doing the best job of that.
- [Alexandra.]
We have to talk about it.
- [Indy.]
You can blame me.
I don't care.
- [Alexandra.]
Indy.
[Indy.]
'Cause all this goes both ways, you know? [Alexandra.]
I don't know.
I just feel like we have a lot to figure out.
[Indy.]
I'm over it.
[Alexandra.]
I don't feel like our relationship is gonna change.
[Indy.]
Me neither.
- [Indy.]
We could go our separate ways now.
- [Alexandra.]
Yeah.
[Indy.]
This sucks, man.
[Alexandra sighs deeply.]
Like, I told you, I was really sad today? - Like, I was really down.
- Yeah.
That's who I'd call.
That's the person who makes me happy again.
That's what I freak out about when I think of - Not having that.
- Not having that.
It's crazy because you seemed so happy and like [Alexandra.]
And I was.
And I really was.
It's just being out here.
You know, I could be exactly who I wanna be.
- [Pia.]
You will be.
You're going to be.
- And know what I want.
- And know what I need.
- [Pia.]
Yeah.
I'm just now coming in to liking who I am.
- Good.
- [Alexandra.]
I don't wanna sacrifice that.
- Because I can't feel like this.
- [Pia.]
How did he take it? - He was really upset.
- Yeah.
So do you think that this is it? Yeah.
- [wind whistling.]
- [crickets chirping.]
[crow cawing.]
[James.]
Such a beautiful day right now and I'm fucking miserable.
[scoffs.]
Fuck, man.
[James.]
Yas is gone.
[sighs.]
It's just it's never easy breaking up with somebody.
It's weird to grow up and realize that sometimes love is not enough.
You know? Like sometimes you can be really in love with somebody and love holding them and being with them and love the good times, but like not be able to get along on a consistent basis, and just be miserable.
Yeah.
[Sean.]
You dropped her off at the airport? - [James.]
Yeah.
- [Sean.]
How was that? [James.]
Awful.
[sighs deeply.]
Rationally, I know that love is a two-way street, but You know, I asked her to marry me.
I made a promise.
I feel like I like I failed somehow.
[James.]
I used to drop her off at the airport, and follow her as far as I could go inside of the airport.
just to see her forÃÂ a few more seconds.
[inhales sharply.]
[voice trembles.]
You know what I mean? But when we got there, she got really, really mad.
She started crying.
I kissed her and I held her face.
And I was like, "I love you.
" And she said, "I hate you.
" And I was like, "Please stop.
" And she just turned around and walked off.
Just a really sad goodbye.
[sniffs.]
[cries.]
[sniffs.]
When she left she said I hate your guts and your head Really miss you She took a long last drag Of that sad cigarette Closed the book on where did he go Gone, gone, gone The long road is gone Gone, gone, gone The long road is gone Gone, gone, gone The long road is gone [siren wailing in distance.]
[car horns honking.]
[indistinct chattering.]
[Sean.]
Guys! You guys, you wanna play the sports? Let's do one day of the sports.
[applause, cheering.]
[Leo laughing.]
[Taz.]
Yeah.
- Yeah! - [Leo.]
Yeah! [applause, cheering.]
[Sean.]
Lexi and Taz went shopping today.
- She was Tazified.
- [Taz.]
No! She picked it out herself! [Sean.]
You were Tazified! [Alexandra.]
I'm just upgrading to better clothes.
It's not that big of a deal.
But in my mind, it is.
And it's crazy.
I'm becoming better.
I'm becoming a better version of myself every day.
[Taz.]
James! - [Alexandra.]
Jimmy Darkness! - [James.]
Oh, boy.
- [Alexandra.]
Oh no, he's dead.
ÃÂ He's dead.
- I hung up that hat.
[laughs.]
- [Sean.]
Yes! - [Keith.]
It's right down the middle.
- [all shouting.]
Woo! - [Taz.]
Yes! - [applause.]
- [Pia.]
Whoa! [Arika laughing.]
[James.]
Normally, whenever I felt miserable, in the past I would just drink.
- [Leo.]
Get it! Get it! Get it! - [Keith.]
Ah! I'd have a few drinks, and then I'd start feeling goofy and lively.
[Leo laughing.]
[James.]
It's hard for me to watch other people enjoying liquor.
[Caitlin.]
Cheers! [Leo.]
Dude, These bubbles, man.
I can't even feel my face, guys.
[Leo laughing hysterically.]
[Arika.]
What the fuck! Why aren't you drinking? - [Taz.]
What you wanna drink? - [Austin.]
You wanna smoke? - [Leo.]
Okay, can I get a beer though? - [Keith.]
She cocks it back and fires! - [people cheering.]
- [Taz.]
Yes! [Arika.]
Come on! [Leo laughing hysterically.]
I want a fucking drink.
[chuckles.]
Goddamn it! [Sean.]
Yeah, yeah, feeling good.
[Pia.]
Ooh! [women cheering.]
[applause.]
[cheering continues.]
- [engine starts, revs.]
- [tires squealing.]
You and me I ainâÂÂt got nothing to say I put myàsorries in a box For a rainy day Put the box in the cupboard Where I put my shame And when you come around here DonâÂÂt speak my name You and me, honey, got nothing to say Put your sorries in a box For a rainy day Put the box in the cupboard Where I put my shame And when you come around here Don't speak my name My eyes burn And theyâÂÂre turning pink My head hurts trying not to think IâÂÂm my own, my own worst enemy IâÂÂm bent so good I should let it be But I see stars when I look at you I get a craving And thereâÂÂs nothing that I wouldnâÂÂt do Just one hit and itâÂÂll taste of you Got to remind myself of everything You put me through No matter what I say IâÂÂm gonna feed that flame Feed that flame You and me, honey, got nothing to say Put your sorries in a box For a rainy day Put the box in the cupboard Where I put my shame And when you come around here DonâÂÂt speak my name No matter what I say IâÂÂm gonna feed that flame Feed that flame I get high on the thought of you I come down and IâÂÂm coming to NothingâÂÂs left but the residue I'mma lick it up to get a piece of you You bleed me like a parasite Sucking on my lips Hunting out the light No one else can even do it right I need to put you down And take myself out of the fight No matter what I say IâÂÂm gonna feed that flame Feed that flame Yeah! You and me, honey, got nothing to say Put your sorries in a box For a rainy day Put the box in the cupboard Where I put my shame And when you come around here DonâÂÂt speak my name No matter what I say IâÂÂm gonna feed that flame Feed that flame Maybe in the morning I can just forget about the mess I made Maybe in the morning I can just forget about the things I said Maybe in the morning We can just forget about the mess We made Maybe in the morning We can just forget about the things We said You and me, honey, got nothing to say Put your sorries in a box For a rainy day Put the box in the cupboard Where I put my shame And when you come around here DonâÂÂt speak my name You and me, honey, got nothing to say Put your sorries in a box For a rainy day Put the box in the cupboard Where I put my shame And when you come around here DonâÂÂt speak my name No matter what I say IâÂÂm gonna feed that flame Feed that flame Feed that flame [glass shattering.]
SDH created by: Arvind Vishwakarma