Who's the Boss? (1984) s01e06 Episode Script

Come on, come on.
Finished? That's it, kids.
That's breakfast and that's the dishes.
- Off to schooI.
Let's go, boys and girls.
- Oh, well, I hate to eat and run.
I guess this is what they call fast food.
- Oh, good, good.
Good joke.
- Honey.
You have dirt all over your sweater.
He can't go to schooI like that.
You're right.
Come on.
Have a nice day.
Take it easy.
Goodbye.
Two down, one to go.
You can't wear that to work.
If you pull this over my head and turn it inside-out, you're fired.
Come on, Angela.
You're gonna be late.
Let's go.
You're not gonna make the 7:52, and I can't take you to the 8:27.
That's okay, because I'm going to work at home today.
I'm what you might call a lady of leisure.
Are you in a hurry? Who me? Nah.
No.
I wanna get to the store.
I wanna get to the store while the produce is still fresh.
It's not even You have no idea how fast this stuff goes bad.
I think it'll keep.
Let's see what do I want for breakfast? Oh, I don't think you're a breakfast person, are you? Well, no, not usually, but today I thought I'd have something.
Something nice and nourishing.
Oh, I got it! Let's see.
Oh, pancakes.
That looks good.
Stuffing? No.
Here, you'll love this.
Jack Klugman does.
See you.
Where is she today? Oh, boy.
Hi.
- Hello.
- How are you? Hey, hey, wait a minute.
You don't just take any two melons.
FeeI the ends.
These aren't ripe.
There, now feeI this one.
And smell.
Now, listen to this.
What are you gonna do, play it? Listen.
You hear the seeds moving around in there? It wouldn't do that if it wasn't ripe.
Sir, are you hitting on me? Me? Oh, those are great-looking tomatoes, aren't they? - You're not married, are you? - I prefer the beefsteak.
Oh, here.
Divorced.
This store's got the greatest produce, huh? I'm a widower.
You pay a little more, but it's worth it.
I'm sorry.
You haven't been coming here long, have you? A few weeks.
We just moved up to Oak Hills.
- How many? - That's a terrific neighborhood.
Two pounds.
"We"? One for good measure.
Me and my daughter, Sam.
That's the reason why we left New York.
They've got a good schooI there, Oak Valley.
That's my alma mater! It's the best schooI in New England.
Yeah, I guess I am.
What? Hitting on you.
Well, I've never met anyone in a supermarket.
Good point.
We haven't been formally introduced.
Oh, hey, sir! We're in need of some assistance.
Oh, yes.
Look, I'm Tony Micelli, and this is? - I'm Wanda Benedict.
- Wanda Benedict.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, sir, could you introduce us, formally? Sir, this is not a singles market.
- I can't do this.
- No, no, you can, you can.
You're a store manager.
They're like ship captains.
They're empowered to make introductions.
- Come on, come on.
- Well Mr.
Micelli, may I present Ms.
Benedict.
- How do you do? - Nice to meet you.
Thanks.
Well, what do we do now? Dance? Yeah, but not here.
I know this reaI romantic spot over in aisle C.
I really have to be going.
I just met you.
We gotta get to know each other.
What else do I have to know? You have great taste in neighborhoods, melons and cars.
I just happened to notice you drive a Jaguar.
I drive it, but let me tell you something- Oh, wait! What are you doing? This is my phone number.
Try not to lose it.
Angela, are those liver spots on your hand? Mother! Hey, hey, hey, I got it! I got it! What a big pumpkin! Look, Angela, ain't it beautifuI? Yes, it's lovely, but somebody has written all over it.
Angela, that's her number.
Oh, Tony, pumpkins don't have numbers.
No, Angela, it's hers, it's hers.
This terrific lady I seen in the supermarket the last three weeks in a row.
Every Monday, 8:30 sharp.
Oh, so that's why we had the Evelyn Wood speed breakfast.
Yeah, it's right after her tennis lesson, you know? She's so terrific.
She doesn't even sweat.
- Oh, that's a lovely quality in a person.
- Yeah.
She really likes me.
Of course, she thinks I own your house and your Jaguar.
How could you mislead her like that? Actually, it wasn't that hard.
I mean, the way she was smiling, I didn't even know what I was saying.
I didn't mean to, you know, to start Iying but it was working so good.
Tony, you cannot base a relationship on a misunderstanding.
I know.
I know, I know.
I'm gonna have to straighten it out first chance I get.
Well, at least he has a relationship to straighten out.
- What do you mean by that, Mona? - Never mind, never mind.
Let's just forget it.
Now, Angela, let's face it.
Lately, your sociaI life has been zilch, zippo.
- Hit a dry spell, huh? - Sahara City.
- A reaI slump? - Hey! You guys don't have to go on about it, you know.
I just think men may be intimidated by my success.
Either that, or the word is out that you don't fooI around on the first date.
You know what it's like? It's like Barbara Brooks.
- Who? - Head cheerleader at my high schooI.
Everybody thought she was dated up, you didn't have a prayer with her.
Then along comes bozo Anthony Comisa.
Oh, my God.
Anthony Comisa, right? He asks her out, she's so desperate, she goes out with him.
Not that you're desperate.
Well, I met this terrific guy named Fred.
- And? - And? He found out I was president of the agency and I never heard from him again.
Well, why don't you call him up and give him a hint.
What kind of hint? " Hello, Fred, I want your bod.
I'll pick you up at 8:00.
" Mother! Cant do that.
I've never asked a man out for a date in my life.
Hey, you know what, though? I never picked up a socialite in a supermarket before, either.
Well, there's got to be another choice.
I could see what Anthony Comisa's doing.
You wouldn't like him.
Boy, what a day.
I thought your phone would never stop ringing.
Yeah.
Some of the calls were even for me.
I'll get it.
Angela Bower's office.
Oh, hi.
Yeah, this is Rosie.
Oh, sure.
I'm ready.
Look, I'm just leaving.
I'll meet you out front.
Okay, bye.
- Rick? - No.
- Louie? - No.
- Alex? - No.
I'll probably remember who he is when I see him.
Anyway, he'll recognize me.
- Rosie, you've got some life.
- Bye.
Hello, Fred.
It's Angela.
Angela Bower.
I was just reading this article in Cosmo- No.
Hi, Fred.
It's Ange.
How the hell are you? I can't do this.
Hello.
Angela Bower's office.
No, no.
I'm sorry, Rosie just left.
Can I take a message? Oh, Guido? I'll tell her you called.
Excuse me.
You don't happen to have a pen that writes? Silly question.
You're using a pen that writes.
- Be my guest.
- Thanks.
You don't happen to have a piece of paper, do you? Thanks.
I really do have to make a note.
I'm not just trying to start a conversation.
Well, maybe I am.
" Rosie.
" No.
Just a minute.
I'm pleased to meet you, Rosie.
My name's Harry Dolan.
Hi.
It's nice to meet you.
Are you in advertising? Well, if you can call it that.
Back in Des Moines.
Well, surely, you've heard of my famous alfalfa commercials? Oh, boy, have I wanted to meet you.
I just had an interview with Mr.
Peterson and I'm coming back next week to give it the old Iowa razzle-dazzle.
Want me to put in a good word for you? I bet you are the one who really runs this place.
As a matter of fact I don't suppose you'd be interested in joining me for a drink? I'd love to.
That's great.
There's something, however, I think I ought to tell you, Harry.
What's that, Rosie? I've never seen your alfalfa commercials.
Come on.
I'm home.
So, what's new and exciting in your life? - Well - I've got a date.
He's wonderfuI.
You did it! Terrific! You're going out with Fred, huh? - Harry.
- Harry? Who's Harry? He's this terrific guy who just walked into the office.
Hard cheese, Fred.
Harry don't care that you're a big-shot corporate president? It's not so much he doesn't care, it's more like he doesn't know.
He thinks I'm Rosie.
What do you mean? I didn't want to tell him who I really am.
I wanted him to like me for myself.
Wait a minute, Angela.
"You can't start a relationship on a misunderstanding.
" I know.
I know.
I'll tell him before my cocktaiI party on Friday.
I want to invite him.
Friday? Oh, no.
Friday.
Wait a minute.
I wanted to ask you for that night off.
That's the night Wanda's taking me to some fancy shindig.
- Wanda? - Wanda.
Wanda Benedict? You know her? Friday night, she's bringing you here.
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
How you doing? How was your date with? - Harry.
- Harry.
I think I struck pay dirt.
How was your date? The best.
I wanna hear all about it.
Oh, that looks good.
I like to dunk.
I don't dunk.
I sozzle.
- Sozzle? - Yeah, sozzle.
The way my mother baked cookies you either sozzled or you broke teeth.
First, you do this.
Right? And then you do this.
This is gross.
I love it.
So Wanda wasn't upset that you're not John D.
Rockefeller? She said she didn't really care what I did.
- That's wonderfuI.
- Yeah, yeah.
So I didn't tell her.
- Tony, you have to deaI with it.
- I know, I know.
Well, how did you do it? Was it tough? Do we have any more cookies? You didn't tell him.
I couldn't tell him I was president of the agency.
Not after I offered to type his presentation.
It's important to him.
If Jim Peterson likes it, I get to read it.
You better make sure it's typed nice and neat.
I hear you're tough.
I can't tell him before the presentation tomorrow.
It's liable to throw him, and then it'll be my fault.
Nothing to do with the fact you're chicken? That too.
What about you, Captain Cluck? I'm gonna tell her.
I want to tell her.
You think it's fun being rich driving around in a Jaguar with a beautifuI woman? Well, isn't it? That's besides the point.
This is all gonna end some day.
One of these nights, you're gonna need your car.
Tony, you're making it more complicated than it is.
Open up to her.
Just be yourself, Tony.
Oh, such wonderfuI advice from you, Rosie.
Angela, have you seen my name plate? Me? No.
Rosie, I'd like you to stay out front and if Jim Peterson comes by with somebody just tell him I'm not here.
Is something going on I'm not supposed to know about? Just keep on the lookout for Jim Peterson.
- Angela? Jim Peterson.
- There he is.
Sorry to barge in, boss but you have got to hear this man's presentation.
Angela, may I present Harry Dolan.
Harry, this is Angela Bower, our president.
Hello.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
I've heard so much about you from your secretary.
Oh, thank you.
No, no, no, no.
This is Rosie, Angela's secretary.
This is Angela.
It's a naturaI mistake.
Oh, yeah.
It happens all the time.
Wait a minute.
You're Rosie, and you're Angela? That's right.
This is Rosie, this is Angela.
He's a slow on names, but wait till you hear that presentation.
Jim? Rosie? Why don't I talk to Mr.
Dolan alone for a minute? Sure.
Well, Harry, we're gonna leave you alone with Angela now.
That's Angela Bower, our president.
Boy, I really like the promotion policy of this company.
One day, you're a secretary, the next day, you're president.
Harry, I'm sorry.
I just couldn't bring myself to tell you the other night.
Some men have a thing about women being more successfuI than they are.
And some men have a thing about women who aren't sincere.
I was sincere.
I just lied.
Well, I better get out of here.
I know you're busy.
I mean, you've got this company to run and a lot of typing to do.
Can we talk about it tonight at my party? I don't know, Angela.
I was kind of looking forward to my date with Rosie.
Hi, Wanda.
- How was the ride over? - Terrific.
- Anything new? - Nothing speciaI.
Angela Bower, I'd like you to meet my date, Tony Micelli.
- But we- - No.
Pleasure to meet you, Angela.
Lovely home.
Clean.
Very clean.
Thank you.
- Make yourself at home.
- Thank you.
- You didn't tell her on the way over? - I didn't have a chance.
We were listening to Elliot Janeway.
That guy is a reaI spellbinder.
Is Harry here yet? No, and I don't know whether he's coming.
- I'll get that.
- No.
You're a guest.
Oh, you're right.
Here.
- Hi.
- Hi.
That Marcie is such a pain.
She's so selfish.
What happened? She wouldn't let me try on her training bra.
So I asked Mr.
Samuels to drive me home.
And who is this lovely little lady? I'm Samantha Micelli.
Good night, Dad.
Dad? Wanda this might be a good time to tell you something.
Come here.
You're gonna find this interesting, I think.
I'm all ears.
Yeah.
Well, you see, by now you've figured it out.
Samantha's my daughter and she lives here.
- Right.
- And she does that because it's handy.
I live here too.
Wanda, you think I'm rich.
I'm not rich.
I live here because I'm the housekeeper.
- The housekeeper? - Yeah.
Wanda, before you say another word, I want to tell you about this man.
This man is not just a housekeeper.
This man is a hero.
Sure, he could've stayed where he was but he left his home and his friends, and a world that he knew to build a better life for his little girI.
And now you're walking out on him because he's a housekeeper.
Oh, Angela, come off it.
I knew all along.
I mean, this is a small neighborhood.
You don't get a new housekeeper without people knowing.
Especially if the new housekeeper is a Tony Micelli.
I think I'll go speak to the other guests.
You knew? You knew I was a phony and you never said anything? I think there's a dishonest move here, Wanda.
I didn't want to spoiI your fun.
Or mine.
Yeah, well, it's all over now anyway.
I can't pick you up in an old van and take you to a beer joint.
I could pick you up in my Mercedes and take you to my country club.
Seems like such a shame not to give it a shot, doesn't it? Come on.
No, no.
I'm a guest.
Mother, what are you doing here? I was just on my way to the post office.
I just thought I'd stop by and see if you needed any stamps.
The post office isn't open at night.
Good.
Then I have time for a little drink.
You know about Tony and Wanda and Harry and me.
- You're here because you love intrigue.
- Oh, Angela, put a lid on it.
I mean, I made you and I can break you.
- Hello.
- Hi.
I'm glad you came.
I'm sorry about what happened.
Oh, I'll get over it.
After all, you lied for a very good reason.
Me.
Well, I'm glad you understand.
Yeah, I've given it a lot of thought and you're right.
Some men really are intimidated by very successfuI women.
- I know I am.
- You mean you were.
No, I mean I am.
I do understand your problem but I just can't handle it.
Excuse me.
Maybe it's not her problem.
Maybe it's your problem.
Hello.
I'm Mona.
I'm the president's mother.
Mother, this isn't the time.
It's a perfect time.
I may never see this guy again.
Harry, you don't know what you're missing.
- Mother, I can speak for myself.
- Oh, good.
Harry She's pretty much covered it.
You know, I think the mother of the president might be right.
How do you feeI about lunch? It's one of my three favorite meals.
What a coincidence.
Mine too.
Now, is there anything else that I should know about? No.
No more secrets.
I have nothing else to hide.
Hi, Harry.
I'm Tony Micelli.
I'm Angela's housekeeper.
I live here.
You really think I'm a hero? You know me.
I have a tendency to get carried away.
- I think maybe I overstated it a bit.
- No, no, no.
Not this time.
When you're right, you're right.