Work in Progress (2019) s01e06 Episode Script

1 [MAN.]
Previously on Work in Progress I mean, he goes and meets - this Carol Ann - [ALISON.]
Carol Lynn.
And then they decide to get married? [ABBY.]
Danger Zone is playing - at Dad's wedding? - Oh, yeah.
Oh, hey, I'm Jamal.
My brother.
Hey, I'm Mark.
Nice to meet you.
Hey Chris, could you try not to get like, that orange stuff on my dead mom's couch? - I'm here for you.
- Aww.
Thanks, Campbell.
Ask me anything about my past, just not my dead name.
[SLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYS.]
[ABBY, LAUGHING.]
I cannot I cannot believe you just did that.
[GRACE LAUGHING.]
You are ruh-diculous.
I mean, come on, Mom.
Abby, that is not a weed.
Wait, wait.
Okay, Mom, how is this a plant and this a weed? Well, they're different.
One adds beauty, and one is a nuisance.
Yep.
Going forward, can you not be so obvious when you're comparing me and Alison? - Oh, Abby.
- Much appreciated.
You know that is not what I meant.
Well, I don't know that.
Besides, your sister refused to come and help today, so guess who's the nuisance? Yeah! - See what I did there? - Yeah.
Okay.
Hey, look, I know I forgot something, but there's nothing I can do about it.
- Okay.
- All right.
[PHONE CHIMING.]
Okay.
Ah, shit, somebody's texting me, I don't even have to look, I know it's Alison.
- She's a fucking tyrant! - [CHIMING CONTINUES.]
Okay, I'll see you later! And Meg texted me, can you believe that?! Breathe, Abby! [ABBY.]
Ahh, fuck! [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[ALISON.]
Ohh, great, there's the table.
Okay, I know that I had ten.
Just put that right there.
[ABBY.]
I'm here! I'm here! Sorry.
I'm here.
Pine cones.
I'm on it.
So here's how the day is going to run.
Jesus fucking Christ, is Obama coming?! - Look at this crap! - Abby, can you just follow the plan? All right, got it.
I'm pine cones.
Whatever.
- Hi, you guys! - [KIDS.]
Hi, Aunt Abby! Hi! Argghh! Hey, Aunt Abby.
Why do you need pine cones? I'm not the one that needs 'em.
Your mom does, for table numbers.
Table one gets one pine cone, table two gets two pine cones You get it.
Why not just write the numbers? I have no idea, Matty, I don't get it at all.
Let's ask Lady Pinterest over there.
- [ALISON.]
Abby! - [ABBY.]
Ohh! [LAUGHS.]
Yeah, yeah, we're on it! Hey, Matty.
Pine cones [BOTH CHANT.]
pine cones, pine cones - Help Aunt Abby.
Thank you.
- [CHANTING CONTINUES.]
[MINISTER.]
Love can surprise.
Love can heal.
Love can bridge.
Edward and Carol Lynn have found love in the purest form.
This union is a much-needed reminder for all of us that we can never give up on love I thought for sure my mom was gonna outlive my dad, but there's no way my dad's gonna outlive Carol Lynn, right? By the power vested in me by the state of Illinois, I pronounce you partners for life.
Or at least until Edward dies.
Right? Give her some sugar, brah! You know, I don't think half a Xanax was enough.
[MINISTER.]
Please rise.
It is my extreme pleasure to present to you Mr.
and Mrs.
Edward and Carol Lynn McEnany-Richards! [CHEERS, APPLAUSE.]
- It's time to drink! - [APPLAUSE CONTINUES.]
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS.]
[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
[ABBY.]
Please, please, please, tell your girl that you guys are opening up with "What a Fool Believes.
" - Please, tell me that, tell me, Jags.
- Oh, we are not.
- [ABBY.]
Ah, goddammit! - You know what, I'm just excited for "In The Air Tonight.
" - That's Phil Collins.
- No it's not.
It's Loggins.
No, it's not.
So you only do Kenny Loggins songs? No, we do other stuff too.
But, uh, Loggins is in our wheelhouse.
Especially "Su-su-suddio.
" [JAGS.]
Oh, see? That's Look who's here, it's Mike! - Hey! - [ABBY.]
Hey, Mike! - How's everybody doing? - [CAMPBELL.]
Great, it's fun! Just counting down the minutes till I can enter the Danger Zone! Yeah, you are! Whoo! [ABBY.]
You were so out of it, that was the biggest burn! - It was not a burn! - You had no idea! - What a load, yes it was! - [JAG.]
That's our band's name! - Yeah, we know! - [LAUGHS.]
Okay, you guys, I'm gonna sneak off and have a cigarette, all right? I'll be right back.
When were you ever able to sneak anything? I get it, Mike! I'm loud! Go fuck yourself, you tool bag! - [LAUGHTER.]
- I love you! You guys know I got a tattoo? Hmm? Really? Which Chinese symbol? Fortitude.
[CAMPBELL.]
Good story, Jags.
[GRUNTS, EXHALES.]
Worst part's over.
Jesus.
[CONTENTS OF BAG THUDDING.]
- [MUTTERING.]
- [PILLS RATTLING IN BOTTLE.]
Hmmm Ooh, yes! Yesssss! I know they're in here Oh! [RUMMAGING.]
[ABBY QUIETLY CRYING.]
[SOBBING.]
[SNIFFLING, CRYING.]
Love you.
- It's okay, kid.
- [ABBY SOBBING.]
It's okay.
Bye, Mom, I love you.
[ABBY AND ALISON SOBBING.]
[SOBBING CONTINUES.]
- Anybody got any whites? - Come on.
Shh, shh, shh.
No.
No.
- [ALISON SOBS.]
- Shh, shh.
I'll call Mandel & Son.
Take 'em a while to get here.
I know.
I know.
I do.
Everybody grieves differently, okay? Is that what your therapist told you? Every single one of 'em.
[BOTH LAUGH SOFTLY.]
[ABBY.]
Hey.
Hey, hey.
- Go call Mike, okay? - I will.
All right.
You're all right.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
[ALISON SOBBING.]
[SNIFFLES.]
[SIGHS.]
[PILLS RATTLING.]
- - [UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS.]
[WEDDING GUESTS CHATTER.]
You know I smoke, Dad.
Well, I don't want to know that.
It's just been a stressful day.
That's And why is that? You know why.
Dad, you just got remarried and Mom only died, like, two and a half years ago? Yeah, I know.
- [BLOWS AIR.]
- I know.
It's like you met some random woman, and then you up and marry her [SCOFFS.]
I didn't up and marry Carol Lynn and she's not some random woman.
Okay, look, I understand that, but that's what it feels like to me.
Look, Abby [SIGHS.]
just because I got married doesn't mean that I don't miss your mom every day.
Every day.
I see her in you, and Alison, and those kids.
[ABBY CHUCKLES.]
It's just I just haven't felt this, I don't know calm? Since she got sick.
I really do want you to be happy.
I hope you know that.
I do.
Yeah.
It just it just seemed sudden, and I'm just having trouble.
- It'll be all right.
- I know.
Well, I get that.
But I hope you can give her a chance.
I will! Dad, I have.
She's really cool, and it's really pissing me off.
- I really like her! - [BOTH LAUGHING.]
- Just so fucking cool.
- Oh And Dad she's, like, 25 years younger than you? Like, what's the deal with that? Ooooh [LAUGHS.]
You know I hate when you do that.
Dad, don't.
I hate it.
Abby, Chris is 23 years younger - than you are.
- That is totally different.
He's only been able to buy liquor for two years.
Well, luckily for you, I didn't meet him three years ago.
[CHRIS.]
I saw you were empty-handed.
Thank you very much.
See? You could learn a thing or two from him.
Awright.
[ALL LAUGH.]
- I love you, kid.
- I love you too, Dad.
[ALISON, OVER PA.]
Everyone, please be seated.
Dinner is served.
And don't forget to sign the keepsake picture frame for the bride and groom.
[EDWARD SIGHS.]
I will never display that frame.
[ABBY, CHUCKLING.]
Thank God.
[CAMPBELL.]
And, like, how did that autistic boy even know about AIDS? You know what I mean? - What are you talking about? - St.
Elsewhere.
The finale of St.
Elsewhere.
That whole series ended up being a dream in that autistic kid's head.
[CHRIS.]
I think this could be a dream in some kid's head.
- [LAUGHTER.]
- Okay, if that were true, it'd be a fucked-up kid and somebody should just put him out of his misery and hold a pillow over his face.
- [CHRIS.]
Abby! - [ALL.]
Whoa! - I'm sorry.
I call - [CROSSTALK.]
You know what's also a little effed up? Abby killed her therapist.
- [ABBY.]
Okay.
- [MAN.]
Shut up.
She's fuckin' fake news, over here, okay? - [LAUGHTER, CROSSTALK.]
- [CAMPBELL.]
Tell us, please.
[ABBY.]
It's a complicated story.
And the complication of it is that she still talks to her dead therapist.
- So - Yeah.
First of all, I'm on a budget, I'm very cheap, I have 37 minutes left, and I've got a lot to say! - [JAMAL.]
Shut up! - [LAUGHING.]
Yeah.
I'm holding on, we have a lot to catch up on.
[CHATTER.]
[JAMAL.]
No, that's when I realized that, you know, Markie Post really speaks to me.
- Oh, my - Oh, my God! I had no idea that that's where this story was going.
I mean, she's obsessed - with Vincent D'Onofrio.
- Yeah! The guy from Law & Order!? Okay, first of all, Law & Order: Criminal Intent, and yeah, I find him attractive at all of his weights.
- Really? - Yeeeees.
What? Yes! You know what? Look.
Look.
His intent, he's, like, looking into my soul right now, - and he really gets me.
- [CAMPBELL.]
I don't know.
And I just find him really sexy! Is Abby talking about Vincent D'Onofrio again? [LAUGHTER, CROSSTALK.]
Dad, come on! Yes.
You know, it's a tough crowd, and I'm not liking it very much! Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for coming all the way to Galena to see Danger Zone! - Yeah! Whoo! - [BAND PLAYING INTRO.]
And to celebrate Edward and Carol Lynn's special day.
We love you guys.
We wanna make a quick toast here if we can, everybody grab your glasses.
Can we get a beer for the band, maybe? Listen, Edward.
You're my favorite father-in-law.
I learned this the hard way: happy wife, happy life.
- I love ya, honey.
- I love you too, babe! [MIKE.]
Here's to you.
Let's raise our glasses to Edward and Carol Lynn.
To Edward and Carol Lynn! [DANGER ZONE.]
I'm alright - "Easy Lover!" "Easy Lover!" - Nobody worry 'bout me Why you gotta gimme a fight? Can't you just let it be? Don't it get you moving? M-m-m-m-m-man It makes me feel good [JAGS.]
Some Cinderella kid Then get it up and give you the job Dup, dup, dup, dup, dup, dup, dup, dup - I'm - Dum, dum, dum, dum I'm all right [NIKKIE LYNETTE SINGING "MY MIND AIN'T RIGHT".]
Yeah-eah-eah, yeah-ee yeah-eah-eah Yeah-eah-eah, yeah-eah-eah - But I'll never change - Yeah-eah-eah-eah Yeah-eah-eah-eah, yeah-ee yeah-eah-eah - Wasssup! - My mind ain't right - [SONG ENDS.]
- Whoooo! [JAMAL.]
Okay, so, my mom calls me.
- Uh-huh.
- She says she has news.
- Unh-unh.
That's never good! - Yeah, I know, I know! I'm freakin' out! So she puts Markus and I on a conference call.
We're just texting the whole time Actually, no, I'm gonna show you these texts.
- I saved 'em all.
- Oh, no, I can't imagine.
No, no, you're gonna love this.
Um, It's mostly shit like, um - "What the fuck?" - [ABBY LAUGHS.]
- "Who is this old dude?" - Ha ha! Yeah! I mean, who is he? I still kinda don't fuckin' know! I know! Okay, we have a lot in common.
I mean, I was just, like, "What the ever-lovin' fuck?" And I mean, honestly, no offense to your mom.
Hey, no, none to your dad.
- Come here.
- Right.
To them.
- Yeah.
- I mean - Ah, look at 'em.
- Mm-hmm.
I haven't really seen my dad this happy since, you know, before my mom got sick.
- It's nice, you know? - Yeah.
I mean, my mom's pretty upbeat normally, but this that's another level.
Yeah pretty gross.
I mean - It makes me sick! - I know! - Oh, my God! - I know! Is it too late to stop this? [LAUGHS.]
I think so.
I bought a gift.
Now, you know I'm not gonna call your dad my stepfather.
Good.
There's no way I'm calling your mom my stepmom.
I mean, again, no offense, but come on.
- I'm 45.
- Yeah.
You could be her stepmother.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay, you can tone it down a smidge.
I'm practically whispering.
No.
But I'm standing by it.
[MIKE.]
Meg! - I'm starting it.
Come on.
- [MEG.]
Yes, okay.
- What are you guys doing? - We're watching Uncle Buck.
- Ugh.
- [MEG.]
Come on, Dad! - Look, Uncle Buck's a classic.
- Okay, but Mike is really happy someone's watching it with him.
And I'm really happy it's not me.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
What's in the boxes? Mom.
What?! Alison, I can't believe you just said that! - What? - Holy shit! - It's true, it's Mom! - Alison.
Well, we both get half.
Even-steven.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Can we please just acknowledge how ridiculous this is? - Please? - Acknowledged.
It's ridiculous.
Although it does appear she's lost a little weight.
- Hmm.
- Hey, Mom.
You're lookin' really good.
[ALISON LAUGHS.]
Take the compliment, Grace! Take the compliment! [BOTH LAUGHING.]
Oh, shit.
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
We survived our first Christmas.
We did.
I really miss her.
Hear that, Mom? We miss you.
[ALISON SNIFFLING.]
Still not listening.
Unresponsive.
[BOTH LAUGH SOFTLY.]
[DANCE TRACK.]
Aw, wait a minute now! Do y'all know what this is? 'Cause we're gonna show everybody in the world Exactly what this is! This is my - Shh, what? - This is my jam - This is my - Shh - What? - This is my jam This is my, shh, what, this is my jam Beat sweet and thick like a candied yam With a bass drum kick harder than Van Damme - Fill the dance floor quick - Oh yes, the jam can Just step to the right, then slide Step to the left, then slide again Back two times, one to the front Turn that down, man, and wait if you want But just turn that down Turn that down again Yo, you just turn that down Now criss-cross, criss-cross - This is my - Shh, what? This is my jam, this [ABBY.]
And slide Step to the left and slide This is my jam Aw, this is my jam! This is Not my pill, put them back Sorry, Chris! Boink.
All right Ow! This is my pill Gimme my pill This [LAUGHS.]
pill.
I need a pill! Damnit, where did you get this? [WATER RUNNING.]
I took a Xanax before and during your wedding.
Happy wedding.
This is your jam, okay.
[SNIFFS.]
[OMINOUS MUSIC.]
Fuck! Why did I do that? Why? Why did I do - [MUTTERING.]
- [PILL BOTTLE CLATTERS.]
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
[WATER RUNNING.]
- Oh, fuck.
- [PHONE CHIMES.]
He asked you one fucking thing, and you did it.
You ruined his fuckin' day.
[CHRIS.]
That is the one thing that's off-limits with me.
Ohhh! I hate I hate you.
I hate you! - [PHONE CHIMING.]
- God, why do you [CRYING.]
Oh, no.
Aaah! [QUIETLY CRYING.]
[CAMPBELL.]
Hi! - You talkin' to yourself? - Oh, hey.
- Hi! - Hi, Campbell.
- Can I bum one? - Oh, yeah.
Ahh, thank you.
[CAMPBELL SIGHS.]
Mmm! Abby fuck Edward.
Fuck Carol Lynn.
Fuck the whole matrimonial institution, all right? That's not what this is.
Campbell, I did something really terrible.
- So bad, so fucking bad.
- What? I was just up in my hotel room to grab a Xanax Oh.
- You cannot have one.
- Oh.
And I saw Chris's dead name.
Ohh.
Okay.
I picked up his prescription bottle by mistake, and it was right there and I just stared at it, and there it was.
It was the one thing he asked me not to know.
He said, "Never ask me my dead name.
" And I Okay, well, you didn't ask him.
You saw it on accident.
Right? I just feel like I'm gonna throw up, you know? Oh, me too.
But I'm really drunk.
Campbell, come on.
Abby.
Abby, look.
Look, look, look.
It's gonna be okay, all right? He's gonna understand.
I promise, just tell him.
- When? - Now.
Or when you get up into your room.
Or whenever.
I mean, it's truly, it's no big deal.
It was an honest mistake, right? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
Okay, so you're gonna tell him? Sure.
Yeah.
- Okay.
- All right.
So we're gonna try to get up, - and we're gonna walk - [ABBY LAUGHING.]
back there, 'cause people are leaving, and you need to say goodbye, and I need to get one last drink.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
And then you're gonna go to your room, I'm gonna look for my room key - What? Did you lose it again? - Yes.
- Fuckin' always lose that shit.
- Three times.
- And then - You're such a fuckin' Then you're gonna go, and you're gonna tell him.
And then we meet for the continental breakfast.
- [ABBY LAUGHS.]
- 'Cause I'm hungry.
[CHRIS.]
I gotta say, for having a whole new family thrown at you, it could be a lot worse.
Yeah, that's true.
In fact, your new family is a whole lot better than my existing one.
That's good, I guess.
I But enough about that.
Mmm.
[KISSING.]
It's just hard, you know? Family? Everything.
Life.
I'm just really trying to do things the right way.
I don't want to hurt anybody.
You've never hurt me.
I never want to hurt you.
I guess you're doing things right so far.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
You tired? I think I am.
Is that all right? - Of course.
- Okay.
I mean, hotel sex is the best sex.
[CHUCKLING.]
Yeah.
I know, I know.
- But you've had a long day.
- Hmm.
- You married off your dad.
- Mm-hmm.
You deserve to not be fucked tonight if you don't want to.
- Thank you? [LAUGHS.]
- Ah I mean, you always deserve not to be fucked if you don't want to Everyone deserves that.
Yes, I think that's true.
Consensual fucking all around.
All around.
[BOTH CHUCKLING.]
I'm gonna turn the light off.
- [LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS.]
- [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
[CHRIS.]
Hey, babe? Uh, yeah? We have a few hours before we need to go back, right? Yep.
Good, I need to eat something.
I am so hung-over.
I need to eat a lot of things.
Okay.
[SOFTLY.]
I know, Mom.
I'll tell him.
[LIVELY MUSIC.]
[CHRIS.]
This okay with you? If it's okay with you? Great.
[CHATTER.]
Hi, welcome to [BLEEP.]
.
- [CHRIS.]
Hi.
- Motherfucker.
What can I get you? I need more time [CHRIS.]
Can I just start with a cup of coffee and some toast? - [SERVER.]
Okay, I'll be right back.
- Thank you.
This place is cute.
I need to tell you something.
Yeah? I What? I I brought my dead mom's ashes to the wedding.
- Oh, my God.
- I know.
[CHUCKLES.]
I love you.
- You do? - Yeah! I love you too.
[BOTH LAUGH, KISS.]
That's what that box was? Yeah, yea Yeah.
- You are ridiculous.
- I know, I - You are so fucking weird! - I know.
- In the best way! - Aww, that's sweet! Thank you! - Does your dad know? - Oh, God, no.
[CHRIS CRACKS UP.]