Workin' Moms (2017) s01e06 Episode Script

1 Previously on "Workin' Moms": Frankie, no.
I'm going to take a bath.
Alone.
Marvin: I haven't introduced myself since you returned.
I'm Marvin.
I'm the new manager.
Kate: Frankie, listen to me, okay? I know you're scared,all right? I'm scared.
What? You've always got your shit together, man, you're like a cop.
I know what you're up to at work, okay? - I'm not an idiot.
- Jenny: Ian! Probably let you two duke it out right here and now.
- [Gunshot.]
I'll kill you.
- Oh.
Anne: Lesbian, I stick to lesbian porn.
- Jenny: Really? - Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I'm not a lesbian, obvs, but I just find it it's the only kind of porn that doesn't look like someone's getting hurt.
You know? Frankie? You know what I mean, right? - I don't watch porn.
- Really? At all? Yeah.
No, would always seem like such a weird thing to do.
You know, watching strangers have sex? It's like watching somebody go to the bathroom.
Hm.
Sometimes it's exactly what the doctor ordered.
Oh, for sure.
Sometimes you can even use it like Pinterest, for sex.
What do you mean? Like you see them doing something, and you're like yeah, I should try that sometime.
What kind of stuff? Like positions to try or like the odd haircut.
Sometimes even elegant nail art.
Uh-uh, porno sex is no place for long nails.
I use porn to get ideas for sex noises.
Yes! Whadda you got? Oh really? Okay uh [High-pitched.]
Oh no, no, no, no [Faster.]
No, no, no, no.
Oh.
Oh.
Yes, no! [All laugh.]
What was that? A wounded animal? Uh sorta, it's like a bunny girl.
- Bunny? - Girl? Yeah, but don't worry, it's animated, so.
Wait, your porn is a cartoon? Yeah, it's anime, so yeah, it's like fancy.
It's called Hentai.
It's Japanese, right? So like all the women are super subservient.
They'll be like, an obese bus driver, and he's yelling at a girl to get off his bus.
But she won't go.
So he gets all worked up, and then they just do it.
Or like uh a bunny girl will run into a wolf man in the woods.
I'm sorry, an obese bus driver? Alicia: The girls, like are they children? Oh God, no.
Jesus, Alicia, they're of age.
They're women.
They're just meek, subservient women.
One could say that they have the minds of a child, but the bodies and the hormones, of fully-developed Japanese women.
Yeah.
You got some problems.
I mean, like it was low and saggy, but this guy he was so old and proper.
Mm.
Kept looking at me like I was a disappointment to him.
It was hot.
Hello? Is that Marvin? Yeah.
Has he responded to your comment yet? - No.
- Of course not.
What do you mean? You wrote 'I love pants'.
What is he gonna say to that? So what am I supposed to write? Get outta my way.
Hm.
What are you doing? This is how you start an affair.
No, I don't want to start an affair.
Shut up.
[Keys clack.]
Delete that.
How do you oh my God.
Speak of the devil.
- [Nervous exhale.]
- Jenny.
- Hi, Marvin.
- Hey, Marv.
Uh, could verify this code for me? Just wanna get it back to me when you're done? - Okay, thanks.
Hey.
- Yeah.
Do you think Gary ever gets laid? Gena, delete that.
Right now.
I'm gonna leave that up to you.
I gotta go.
Gena! Shi So, to properly evaluate both of you, we have to factor in things like client revenues, and margins and outcomes.
Once we have all of that collated, we can figure out who's best to send for Montreal.
- Sounds amazing.
- Uh, I'm sorry, should I be concerned that I haven't been here for the last nine months? I mean, our last years haven't exactly been neck-and-neck.
No, of course not.
We'll factor all that in when we do your evaluation.
- Okay? - Okay.
Really though? It just, uh, it just feels like my recent numbers are gonna pale in comparison to Mo's.
He just said they'll take that into consideration.
Thanks for the comfort, Mo.
I just Look, Kate, if you're at all concerned about this, why don't you put together a portfolio of all your top accounts over the past few years.
- Oh really? - Yeah.
Oh, that would be great.
Thank you so much.
Absolutely.
You know I've always had a soft spot for you.
Thank you, Richard.
Mhm.
By 5:00 today, okay? - Wait, five? - Yup! Here, kitty kitty kitty Where did you go All right.
I know there's plenty of dogs down music row I need some Jack some Johnny some Emmylou And the ghost of the man in the blue suede shoes Well, he was dancing all the way to the grave He said, Shake baby, shake, baby shake shake shake That's all right mama We'll be just fine 'Cause the wings get dirty Don't mean they don't fly It's all right, baby we'll be just fine Hold your head high don't be denied 'Cause the bees left the trees Doesn't mean there ain't honey inside 'Cause the bees left the trees Deson't mean there ain't honey inside Angry bus driver [Speaking in Japanese.]
[Clicks mouse.]
You really gotta get curtains.
[Sighs.]
Can I help you find something? Yeah, my libido.
[Chuckles.]
[Coughs.]
Uh, I just had a baby, and I mean, I got kinda depressed and you know like, postpartum or whatever, and then my friend, Anne, who's also kind of my shrink, she put me on some drugs and she's like you gotta, you know, reawaken that sex drive.
I'm like, knock, knock, are you even in there? [Clears throat.]
My sex drive, I mean.
You know what, I am just gonna grab this and go.
That is a tool meant to help with penis enlargement.
Is that what you're looking for today? - No.
- Come, let's talk.
[Frankie sighs.]
So, you're a professional sex guy.
How do you keep it hot? Like, toys? Lube? Orgies? My solution will not be your solution.
Your challenge is unique.
It's like Rumi said, "The wound is the place where the light enters you.
" So the wound is my vagine, and the light is a strap-on? [Sighs.]
Sometimes sex is not about sex.
The most exciting part about sex for me, is my partner.
Or sometimes it's just a little kiss, or a backrub, or a cuddle.
That's so beautiful, man.
You're really great to talk to.
Wanna go grab an omelette or something? Thank you for the warm invitation, but if I went for every omelette or frittata that was offered me, I would be the egg man.
[Chuckles.]
- [Jenny sighs.]
- Hi, Jenny.
Marvin, hi.
You're looking extra good today.
Is is that a new shirt? Uh, it's-it's my father's.
I mean, it was-was my father's.
My mother gave me the contents of his closet after he died.
Oh, well, your dad must have been one sexy guy.
- Oh God.
- [Milk spills.]
What a mess.
Oh, the whole floor is wet.
[Sighs.]
[Groans.]
Oh, I'm just so clumsy.
Oh, there's so much milk here.
Um Jenny, I think it's best that you stay off Facebook while you're at work.
Uh, of course.
[Sighs.]
[Embarrassed exhale.]
- It's just that uh - Is that my soy milk? Wh-wha - No, no it's not your soy milk.
- What a mess.
Relax, Gary, it's just some milk.
- No, I meant you.
- Excuse me? I was just processing some of your code, and there was a bunch of errors in it.
And then I come in here, and there's milk all over the place.
It's not all over the place.
Can you just can you just go? I don't need an audience.
No, you need a mop.
And a clean pair of pants.
Woman: Why can't I walk through a fuckin' drive through? What if I couldn't afford a fuckin' car? - Mother fucker! - [Cars honk.]
What? You're afraid you're gonna be turned on? - I'm helpless? How about this? - Man: Hell no! What about these? You like those? Man: Will you get out of here with that shit! [Clicks off the TV.]
And that is all over the news My daughter looks up to her, actually.
Watches her show all the time.
Well, it's classic child star meltdown.
It's a rite of passage, kind of like shaving.
No, this is a lot worse than peeing in a mop bucket or something.
It's Why, because God forbids she has a sex drive? She's acting like she is a sex drive.
This is bull to the shit.
What is up with you today? Ah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I just I got shamed at my Mommy and Me group - for admitting I watch porn.
- What? No one should ever be shamed for watching porn.
Thank you, Mo.
Like, you watch porn, right? Uh yeah, I'm a dude.
Why not ask me if I eat food, or breathe air? - Nice.
- He does all that shit.
- Does a dog eat dog food? - Yes.
Do I eat meat? Do I shit every four days? Uh yeah, I watch that shit, too.
Shut up.
What kind of porn do you watch, man? - I don't know, hot chicks porn? - Nice.
Yeah, but like what category do you watch? Big breasts? Babysitter? Asian? BDSM? Mature? What's your thing? You know, Kate, this is the kind of conversation you could frame as sexual harassment.
Even though you're starting it.
Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Richard.
I'm not trying to make anyone feel awkward, I'm just curious.
Like when I told the moms what kind of porn I watched, they looked at me like I was a human centipede.
- [All chuckle.]
- Butt to mouth, mouth to butt.
We all know what that is Kate, yeah.
- Okay.
- I'm sure you're a real sicko.
What are you into? Bathtub and candles porn? [All laugh.]
Actually, I'm into Hentai.
It's animated What, it's a cartoon? You watch this with your son? Oh God, no.
No, no, no, it's, it's hardcore.
Lots of fun, yeah.
Yeah, it's like a submissive girl, legal age of course, who succumbs to her oppressor.
She's scared, but then you know, she gives in.
It's like a bunny girl and a wolf man, right.
Or like an angry coach.
Climb that rope.
Got a short-ass skirt on, he knows it, she sees it.
He's not taking no guff.
Good God.
[Awkward cough.]
[Awkward silence.]
Come on, guys, I know you watch this stuff.
Mo, you know what I'm talkin' about, dirty dog, Mo? Dirty old dog.
[Barking.]
Ralph? Ralphie? Kate, Ralph is battling testicular cancer.
Ralph, I'm so sorry, I did not know that.
I Guys, I don't know, I just thought you'd be into similar stuff.
You know, like sexy Asian schoolgirls, like oh no.
Foster! What is wrong with you? Let's hope there's never any Hentai in your portfolio.
Hmm? Meeting adjourned.
But we didn't do any work.
- Do you watch that stuff here? - No! No? You better clear your browsing history.
How do you Oh, hi.
This won't be awkward.
- Jenny - What? Jenny, look at me.
- You like that? - Oh, fuck no.
Oh my God, I thought that's what you wanted.
A finger in my mouth? Sorry, it's just that your post was really forward.
Yeah, well that was a mistake.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I just did you or did you not want me to come on to you? Marvin, get a hold of yourself.
This was just some harmless office flirting, and I'm married.
So Oh my God, what is wrong with me? No, you're supposed to disregard my feelings and take what you need.
Wait really? Are you serious? Yeah.
Oh, forget it.
Hey there.
Hi.
- Rough day? - Oh, you have no idea.
Do you think I'm sexually fucked up? Okay, um should I be concerned that the first thing that you ask me when you get home from work is if you're a sexual weirdo? No, of course not.
And if you were sexually effed up, wouldn't that mean that I was too, by like proxy? Oh, forget it.
Uh, no way.
What's going on? It's just I told the Mommy and Me group about the kind of porn I watch, and they looked at me like I had a penis growing out of my forehead.
And then when I told my coworkers, they looked at me like my like my forehead penis was deformed.
Can we stop talking about your forehead penis? I've had sex with a lot of women - I'm sorry? - And you are like the least screwed up in the most ways.
If anything, you're boring.
Thank you.
Kind of turns me on that you watch porn, though.
Maybe we could watch together.
It just might be kind of weird, because the porn I watch is kind of weird.
Kate, I'm a man.
I've seen porn.
Okay.
If you promise not to look at me like I've got a penis growing out of my I promise.
Meet me in the bedroom, I'll bring the wine, you leave your pants.
Also bring the baby monitor.
- Okay.
All right.
- [Kate giggling.]
So I see this guy walking down the sidewalk, right, with his grocery bag, and the bag rips, food goes all over the sidewalk, right.
Apples everywhere.
And then I notice, this guy's only got one arm.
So I say to the guy, "Hey man, let me help you out," So I gather his stuff together, I send him on his way.
And for a minute, I feel like a hero.
Then I'm like, what is a hero, you know? I was in that Jenny? Jenny, are you listening? Uh yeah, there were apples, and you were a hero.
[Chuckles.]
Well, I don't know.
I mean yeah, I guess it was kind of cool of me.
But it's what anybody would have done, you know? It was like the right place, at the right time, and Zoe was watching.
I feel like subconsciously may have picked something up.
How much nautical decor can one person have? These guys have too much.
These were actually the centerpieces for their wedding, and I like them.
They'll look good.
I think she'll love it.
And if she does start to complain Don't.
That tickles.
Frankie! What the hell? - Giselle, we need to connect.
- About what? I want to watch my show.
Man: This is perfect.
Come here.
[Woman laughs.]
It looks so great.
- Man: You guys nailed it.
- [TV clicks off.]
What are you doing? They made the fridge invisible, and now they can't find it.
Okay, we have let this go long enough.
Okay, we need to talk.
You know, like we need to like, hug, and, and, and, and communicate.
Did Anne give you more drugs? No, no, no, it's just - it's just the wound is where the light enters my pain.
- What? - [Frankie sighs.]
Giselle, I'm freaking out here, okay.
I'm going to counsellors, I'm going to sex stores, and meanwhile, you're just putting your head in the everything's okay sand, and just Frankie You've got my attention.
Okay well, I've had a really hard day.
- Mm hmm? - I burnt the dinner.
I love you.
[Hentai video.]
Girl: Please, I'm so sorry.
Man: You pretend that you are scared but you are searching for something.
Girl: No.
Yes.
I am so embarrassed.
- Man: Silly girl.
I will give you - [Clicks stop.]
Um, she was a bunny, I get that, - but what was he supposed to be? - A wolf.
He was a wolf.
- Right, sure.
- Hmm.
Hmm.
You think I'm royally effed up.
I'm just confused.
Are you trying to tell me something with this? Oh my God, no.
Mhm.
I mean, I always try to treat you like an equal, but this makes me think you want to be like submissive? - No.
- Like, do you want me - to shame you? - I do not.
Do you want me to dress up as a wolf and shame you? I I do not.
I just I I just have to be so strong all the time.
- Right.
Yeah.
- You know? And so sometimes it's just fun to imagine that I'm like a a small bunny, in a very small skirt, who's wandered into a petting zoo type of a situation.
And all these hands are on me, and there's only one way to get out, and that's to be brutally shamed through sex.
But I as a real-life human woman, do not want that.
[Big exhale.]
Does that make sense? I think so.
Okay just, I have to say, I feel like I really regret inviting you - into my shame closet.
- No, no, no, no.
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
- I have quirks, too.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Like what? - When I was in college - Mm hmm.
I was hanging out with this weird group of guys.
I like it.
And this one time, we cornered a sheep and had sex with it.
- Wha? - [Chuckles.]
[Laughs.]
Oh my God, Nathan! Holy shit, you asshole.
No, we never had sex with a sheep.
But when I was 12, I jerked off while I was thinking about my cousin.
- Which cousin? - Teresa.
Ugh, Tere disgusting.
You know what, let's just stay out of each other's shame closets.
- Okay, bunny.
- You think I'm a sicko? No, no.
I think your porn is not my porn.
You are my porn.
Hm, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me.
If that's true, that's sad.
Makes me really horny.