90210 s01e07 Episode Script

"Previously on" 90210: Where do I know you from?|You an actress? I'm producing a slasher film|about Beverly Hills cheerleaders.
Why don't you both come in and audition for me?|Call me.
We'll set something up.
Sam and I are going to visit Dylan.
Well, how long|are you gonna be gone? The school gave me|a two-week leave.
- I think it's over, E.
|- I think you're right.
- Why don't I stay here?|- Okay.
- Okay?|- Okay, yes.
I think you can handle it.
If we find out|that you're using illegal drugs, we'll have no choice but to expel you.
Adrianna does not use drugs.
Welcome to the big leagues,|little lady.
You know, who needs Big Brother|when you've got Facebook? Class, this is Kimberly Mclntyre.
She's transferring|to West Beverly starting today.
- Please make her feel at home.
|- Thanks, Harry.
Welcome to West Bev.
- You can have a seat right there.
|- Okay.
Hey.
Can I just say that|I was the new girl up until right now? So I totally know how you feel.
Well, I guess you weren't very good|at it, because now I got the job.
That's cute.
You wanna tell us a little something|about yourself, Kimberly? Well, why don't you just take whatever|the old new girl said about herself and just make it better? Well, that's tough because|the old new girl is from Kansas, and it just doesn't get any better|than that.
There's no place like home.
Right.
Okay, so let me just talk about myself|without feeling totally awkward.
Don't worry, everyone in this class|has had their awkward moments.
I'm Kim.
I'm from Las Vegas.
|I wear size-eight shoes.
I have three piercings,|but I won't say where.
And I like tacos.
Great.
I also like tacos.
|Welcome to the school.
Any piercings? Moving on.
This has always been|one of my favorite experiments.
You'll be paired off into couples, all with different|socioeconomic backgrounds.
By the end of the experiment, you'll have taken care|of your RealCare Baby and also managed the family budget|that you are each given.
That's women's work.
I mean, whoever I get paired up with|better recognize.
Mike, you'll be paired with Navid.
- What?|- What? That's right.
|You are a same-sex couple.
And Navid is the breadwinner.
I usually go for blondes.
With boobs.
Annie and Ethan, you are married.
|Annie works.
Ethan is a stay-at-home dad.
- Do I have, like, a hobby?|- Your hobby is your baby.
Your unique wireless ID|will track your baby care.
The baby must be fed, burped, rocked|and diapered around the clock.
If you shake the baby, do not support the baby's head,|or mishandle it in any way, it will register as abuse|and you will fail.
"Half-birthday"? It's the six-month mark|between birthdays.
You know how when you're a kid|and you're like: "Oh, I'm 4 and three-quarters,"|or, "I'm 5 and a half"? It's like every single milestone|is such a big deal.
And then at some point, you just stop counting|all those little in-between markers.
Yeah, not me.
|I will always celebrate my half-birthday.
- You are a very strange girl.
|- Yeah? I'm a strange girl who's gonna have|the most rockingest half-birthday ever.
Come on, "Psycho" at a cemetery?|How awesomely perfect.
- Okay, tell me you're into Hitchcock.
|- I don't do horror movies.
Why? You a little scared?|A little scared? You scared? No, it I just think they're stupid.
Okay, A,|sometimes that's the beauty of them, and B, clearly you just haven't|been initiated properly.
Well, maybe you can initiate me|the right way.
I think I can.
Hey, since I am|a high-powered attorney, the teacher says you can take the baby|during business hours.
What? No, don't you have daycare|at your fancy office? No.
No, I don't.
So hey, how's my nephew? - Your nephew is a girl.
|- That's what I meant.
I think you guys have things|in reverse.
First you date, then marriage,|and then a baby.
But, you know,|whatever works for you.
No, me and Ethan, not so much.
|He is in rebound city.
Plus, I take my relationships|seriously, and from what I've seen,|clearly he does not.
And I need a guy who's dependable,|who I can count on, you know? I feel you.
- Well, hello, stranger.
|- Oh, hey, hey, hey.
What's up? Not much, I just haven't really talked|to you in a while.
- How you been?|- Sit.
So? - So?|- How's mommy dearest? You know,|desperate to be Dina Lohan.
And making me suffer|for every second that she's not.
- How are you holding up?|- I'm fine.
Yeah? There's a lot of talk going around,|you know? I hear this talk,|and I worry about you.
Yeah, well, that's all it is, is talk,|rumors.
Good.
Good.
The only problem I have is her.
|She got me kicked out of the play.
She's the one running|to Principal Daddy with lies.
Today after school, she's auditioning|against me for a movie.
How messed up is that? - Weird.
|- Whatever.
Okay, I just You know, I hear things,|and I know things.
And I see you putting eye drops|in your eyes All right, it's called allergies, Naomi.
Can we not do an intervention|in the quad? Seriously, I'm fine.
|Let's do five minutes on you.
Ethan and I broke up,|my parents are getting a divorce, my whole world|is just basically a disaster, and I don't know, I just kind of need|my best friend right now.
I'm sorry.
Hey, I've just been really wrapped up|in auditions.
I'm here, always.
How about we hang out|after school today? Pinkberry and shopping?|Ragging on our parents? - Good times.
|- Good times.
All right, wish me luck.
|I need a lot of it.
Good luck.
Hey, in fact, it's been a while, but switch? Switch.
It has been a while.
- For luck?|- For luck.
Now you're definitely gonna get it.
Great, I'll get the invitations printed,|and I'll call you when they're in.
I think it's gonna be the best fundraiser|we've had yet.
I have no doubt.
- I wanna thank you both for your help.
|- Thank you.
I'll see you soon.
Talk to you soon.
Harry, can I talk to you for a second? Sure, yeah.
It's about our son.
I mean, you know,|do you think about him? Do you wonder what he looks like,|what his interests are? Yeah.
Yeah.
But I'm just trying to figure this all out.
|I mean, I'd like to know that he's okay.
Knowing that he's okay|isn't good enough for me.
So I've decided|to do something about it.
Which is? I wanna hire a private investigator|to find him.
Please, please don't kill me.
I am so not ready to die yet.
|I haven't even been to prom.
Well, I haven't been asked, actually, but I heard|that Rick Bartley's gonna ask me.
And he's Rick Bartley.
You wouldn't wanna take that away from a young girl in her prime, now,|would you? Please don't kill me.
I'm not Please don't kill me.
I'm not ready I haven't even|I haven't even gone to Okay.
Damn it.
Please don't kill me.
That was great, Annie.
|Thanks for coming in.
- Thank you for having me.
|- Sure.
- You can go now, Annie.
|- Right, leaving.
Hi, Adrianna.
- Ready, Adrianna?|- I'm ready to rock it.
Hello.
We've only just been broken up|for a few days and you already have a baby|with someone else? That's impressive.
Yeah, we're just doing a project|for Miss Wells' class.
Oh, you two are doing that project?|That's cute.
Yes, we are married for the project.
|This is our baby.
How nice for you.
I don't care.
|I've moved on.
Ethan and I are over, and he is more than welcome|to have as many babies as he wants with whomever he pleases.
Well, I am off to meet Adrianna.
You guys have fun.
|Enjoy your little baby.
Bye-bye.
And awkward.
- You okay?|- Yeah.
Good times.
Yeah, well, it's not like you guys|are gonna stay broken up, right? No, actually, we are.
Yeah, well, I've been here six weeks,|and you guys have already broken up and gotten back together|three times, so That's the point.
I can't do it anymore.
We've been through this|so many times, and it didn't even hurt this last time.
I don't wanna be in a relationship where I just keep breaking up|with the person.
And this room,|I'm painting this wall black.
- Just one wall?|- Yeah.
I think it makes a statement.
Well, what's the statement?|You ran out of paint? You know black's my favorite color.
I like that.
But what about Kelly? She doesn't strike me|as a wall-painted-black kind of girl.
That's the beauty of paint.
|You can just paint over it.
Man, so you're staying here by yourself|for two weeks.
You aren't scared|to be here all alone? I need you to relax and just embrace the awesomeness|of this situation.
Me, your girlfriend,|has a house all to herself.
Point taken.
So this is definitely|gonna become the new party house.
- I think I'm gonna charge a cover.
|- You gonna charge me? - You'll work it off.
|- I like the way you think.
But right now, you're gonna lay back,|take off your shoes, and get ready for something|you've never done before.
You don't even|have to say any more.
Dang, I didn't say nothing,|but it worked.
In my hands, I have the three|greatest horror movies ever.
We're gonna have|a major movie marathon, my friend.
You have some nerve,|accusing me of doing I have some nerve? - You have some|- Hey, what's going on? Harry, it's my pool, and I'm going to do what I want|when I want.
Did I miss a segue here? Your mother flashed the gardener|again.
I never flashed Mauricio.
|I like to swim naked.
I like how it feels|when the water glides off my ass.
- Why should I give that up?|- Mom, Mauricio comes once a week.
Do you have to swim naked|at that exact time? Harry, don't be such a prude.
I'm letting my freak flag fly, and there's nothing you can do|about it.
Yeah, and speaking of odd women, Tracy was at school today, and she completely blindsided me|about About? About wanting to hire a PI|to find our birth son, and she wants my okay.
Did you give it to her? No.
I mean, I don't know|how I can stop her if she wants to Just Time out.
I get the feeling|the only thing holding you back is how you think I'm gonna react.
No, that is not the only thing.
I mean, that's a big thing, but the kids too.
Do you wanna find him, Harry? Yeah.
I do.
I was thinking that I could write a letter,|register with the adoption agency, and someday,|if he wants to find me or us, he can.
Okay, well,|I think that sounds like a good plan.
You are amazing.
Yeah? Tomorrow? That's kind of sudden, isn't it? I thought you guys|were gonna scope the place out first.
I'm so glad you came by, Naomi.
Gosh, every time I see you,|I think it's such a shame you're not trying to be an actress|like Ade.
You've got such a look.
Although, you know, I prefer|when you wear your hair straight.
So much prettier.
So is Adrianna here? She must be celebrating.
|She got the movie.
- That's incredible.
|- Yeah.
- Oh, she must be so thrilled.
|- We are.
Especially after she botched|her last couple auditions.
It's about time|she got her act together.
So wait, you don't have any idea|where she's at? I mean, I was supposed to meet her|today after school.
I called her,|and she doesn't answer the phone.
I'm a little worried, so I No, she probably just got so excited|about getting the part, she forgot.
Yeah, she's just|She's off celebrating.
It's an homage|to "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
" And the character|of Captain Spaulding is a total satire.
But at the same time, he's terrifying.
Can you believe|that Rob Zombie directed this? Dixon, wake up.
The call is coming|from inside the house.
- How long have you been sleeping?|- I don't know, I was asleep.
What time is it? - Eleven-thirty.
|- Eleven? Oh, my God, I gotta go.
I gotta go.
Glad you enjoyed the movies.
Look,|if I don't wanna watch one movie, what makes you think|I'm gonna sit through three? I gotta go.
I gotta go.
Grandma, you don't see me.
|You just forgot to take your blue pill.
Did all the blood rush away|from the part of your brain that allows you to tell time? - I was just|- Sneaking in.
Were you with a girl?|I want all the deets.
Don't worry,|I won't tell your mom and dad.
Thank you so much, Grandma.
I mean, I won't tell them|if you were with a girl.
They know you're not here.
Your mother's halfway|to calling the police.
Dixon, I am so furious with you.
- Where have you been?|- Hey, your mother was freaking out.
Silver made me watch a bunch|of wack-ass horror movies and I fell asleep.
I'm sorry.
|I wasn't doing anything fun, trust me.
Still unacceptable.
Can somebody shut that baby up,|please? - Trying.
|- Oh, Harry, relax.
He fell asleep.
It's not like he spent the night|in Tijuana with a couple of Laker Girls|and a goat.
I really hope I get the wording right when I repeat that line|to my future therapist.
- Annie, the baby.
|- I can't find her.
- Some parent you are.
|- Hey, this cannot happen again.
- It won't.
|- Where was your cell phone? - It died.
|- Dixon.
So where was it? In the bathroom corner,|under my jeans.
Nobody puts Baby in the corner.
Good night.
Hey, how's it going? You missing my sis?|Feeling a little blue? Actually, I already started dating.
Okay, that was fast.
Yeah, well,|think I'd stay on the market forever? Kind of.
But that's great.
You should bring|one of the lucky ladies to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery|tonight.
They're showing "Psycho.
" Yeah, great.
No, I'll do that.
I'll bring one of the lucky ladies|to the cemetery.
- That I will do.
See you.
|- Cool.
- Hey.
|- Hey.
So did you get in trouble|with the 'rents? Oh, yeah.
They're pissed.
So pissed that they insisted|on going to Hollywood Forever tonight just to make sure I make curfew.
All right, well, look, last night I was trying to show you|something important to me.
House of 1,000 Corpses|is important to you? I was trying to share something|that I like with you.
All right, all right.
I'm sorry.
- It wasn't intentional, all right?|- Yo, be careful.
- What? It's not real.
|- I don't wanna fail.
Show me one person who's gotten|lower than a B in Health class and I don't have to finish that sentence,|because it has never happened.
So you guys are coming tonight,|right? Not only is it the most kick-ass movie|to ever show at a cemetery, but they also have a Johnny Ramone|tribute statue that I'm dying to see.
- Yeah, me too.
|- Shut up.
You're making fun of me.
So you guys wanna ride together|or just meet there? Yeah, I suppose we could both go.
You know, as parents,|with the baby with us.
Yeah, yeah, it sounds like a plan.
Great, let's do it.
Hey, Wilson, go long.
- Hey, don't go long.
|- It's a baby.
- I know it's a baby.
It's a football baby.
|- She is not a foot So the concept|of the totalitarian authority in Orwell's book really coined the now|ever-so-popular term "Big Brother.
" What does "totalitarian" mean,|Mr.
Matthews? You look wiped.
- Late night?|- Yeah, very.
Someone knows how to party.
- No, I was actually on baby duty.
|- Baby duty? Kimberly, once again,|am I boring you? - I did see the movie.
|- Not the same thing.
And the questions on your test|will reflect the book, not the movie.
So if you'd stop wasting my time,|I could maybe Excuse me, Mr.
Matthews,|but if I'm here and you're here, doesn't that make it? Nice reference, Spicoli,|but didn't you graduate in 1982? Thank you, I'm here all week.
And you're gonna be here at lunch too|because you just got a detention.
So Debbie and I have talked, and we have decided|to go forward with this.
- Yes.
|- But hold on a second, Trace.
I'm not into the whole PI thing.
I mean, we're not|chasing somebody down here, so We're gonna have to write a letter|to the adoption agency.
Harry, I already hired a PI.
What?|What the hell did you do that for? Look, I've waited for 22 years.
Besides, I just kind of figured|that you'd come around, so I went ahead and did it.
Come on.
|Tracy, that's not what we talked about.
You come on, Harry.
I know you.
|You wanna know how he's been doing.
It's been killing you.
|Tell me I'm wrong.
Okay, yeah, I feel bad,|but you should not have done this.
No, look, Harry, I get it.
|This whole thing is a shock to you.
But I've been dealing with this|every day since I was 19.
Yeah.
I'm sorry about that.
It's really nice|to finally hear you say that.
- Hey.
|- Oh, God.
- It's okay.
|- Yeah, I'm good.
It's okay.
Tracy.
I'm gonna pretend that|that never happened.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
See you.
I hear this is where the party's at.
That's right, so you can sit down and pour yourself a glass of "shut up|and don't speak for the next hour.
" Does that come in diet? Because I'm kind of|watching my figure.
And that ends the conversation portion|of this detention.
I know you love my company,|but this is getting a little old.
The fact that I made out with you|in the fifth grade makes me wanna cut my tongue off.
Do you have a girlfriend? - That's none of your business.
|- Are you gay? - You seem kind of gay.
|- Yeah, about as gay as your dad.
My dad's dead.
Well, I think your dad's about as dead|as I am gay.
Touché.
Yeah, good luck with that.
I see why you got kicked out|of your last school.
You two sound like my mom|and my old soccer coach, before the unpleasantness.
Mr.
Matthews,|do you have a second? Yeah, I do.
I'm stepping out for 30 seconds.
George, I'll give you a dollar|if you keep your trap shut and 2 if you learn how to read.
- I can read, Mr.
Matthews.
|- I'm ignoring you.
So Detention, bad kids.
Any idea where a girl|can score some party favors? I waited for you last night.
I'm happy you got the part,|but why didn't you call me? You heard? Isn't it awesome? I was driving over|and then got the call that I got the part, so I had to call my mom|and go home and celebrate, and I like That's not true, Adrianna.
I was at your house.
|You weren't there.
Why are you lying? Can you just take one minute|and be happy for me? I got the movie.
Looks like|our lucky necklace switch worked.
I think you can have it back now.
Wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Are you kidding me with this? Really?|I know this lipstick container, Adrianna.
Are you kidding me?|What do you care? It was yours.
Was mine.
Not anymore.
I experimented and I stopped,|like you supposedly did.
Give it a break, Naomi.
No.
No, I won't give you a break, okay?|I'm your friend.
And I may come off as annoying|or whatever you think I am, but I care about you,|and I'm worried about you.
- I'm fine.
|- No, you're not fine.
And don't Don't walk away from me.
|I can help you, okay? I can help you deal with this,|but you gotta let me.
Everyone please step away|from your lockers.
- We're conducting a search.
|- Oh, my God.
You take the south hallway,|I'll take the north.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, you're right, all right? I'm using,|but it's not like I am addicted.
I can stop whenever I want.
|I'm just, like I'm just under so much pressure|from my mom to get a stupid job.
I finally worked super hard to get|something, and I'm gonna get busted.
I'm gonna get kicked out of school.
- I'm gonna lose the movie.
|- No, no, no.
- I'm gonna lose everything.
|- No, you're not.
Give it to me.
- What? No.
|- Just give it to me.
Is this your locker, son? Stop whatever you're doing.
- Where'd you find it?|- The coke was in the lipstick.
- We'll copy you on the police report.
|- What the hell, Harry? Isn't there a better way|than busting kids? - It's a little extreme.
|- I don't want drugs on this campus.
And neither do I, but you get|one chance to earn these kids' trust.
What,|are you defending drug dealers? Not everyone is a dealer.
Naomi? Please.
These kids have rights.
They don't have the right|to bring drugs.
This isn't China, it's Beverly Hills.
|This isn't cool, Harry.
Not interested in being cool|or in your opinion, Mr.
Matthews.
That was brutal.
- Bigtime.
|- Those weren't her drugs, Ethan.
I know.
- Come on, Adrianna.
|- Leave me alone.
Did you see her get busted?|They took her down to book her.
Yeah, well,|her dad will get her out of it.
And what's her dad gonna do to her? She's probably gonna get suspended,|maybe even expelled.
She shouldn't be in this situation.
You need to step up,|admit the drugs were yours.
- Says who?|- Says me.
I saw her take the drugs from you.
Well, for your information, Naomi's the one that initiated me|into the C&C Club.
- C&C Club?|- Cocaine and champagne.
Yeah, but she grew out of it because|she realized how stupid it was.
You can't just let her take the rap|for you.
What do you care about Naomi?|You're dry-humping her boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend.
And she does care.
|We both care.
And if you care about Naomi,|you'll prove it.
Mom, what are you doing? I'm doing what I should have done|a long time ago.
I'm acting like your mother|instead of your sister or your friend.
Dad, she's tearing my room apart.
If I wasn't bailing you out,|I'd be doing it right along with her.
Great, you guys.
There aren't any drugs here.
|I don't do drugs.
- You just got caught red-handed.
|- Come on, Mom.
You know I don't do drugs.
|What is this? No, I know that you dabbled|with Adrianna over a year ago.
What I don't know is if your father|leaving has made you start again.
That's nice.
Why don't we just lay off|the digs and deal with the issue? This is the issue.
You don't think there's consequences|for what you did? You guys, stop.
|Daddy, you can fix this.
You can get me out of this.
|Can you just make it go away? I don't think you get|how serious this is.
I may not be able to.
Sit down.
- What?|- Sit down.
Are you doing this to get attention? No.
You think you're gonna|get your mom and me together? No.
Well, I'm not just gonna be able|to write a check, not for this.
This is gonna go|on your permanent record.
You're gonna have to be drug-tested,|make court appearances.
Listen, if there's anything|that you wanna tell us, you should now.
God.
I know.
Look at this.
I'm in a lot of trouble, Ade.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I thought your dad|would be able to get you out of it.
Yeah, me too.
Apparently he can't.
Well, maybe he can|figure something out.
He's gotta figure something out.
- Look, I wanna help, but I|- But what, Ade? I mean, no offense,|but this should be you.
I don't think you're grasping|how totally screwed I am right now.
- I could go to jail.
|- You won't go to jail.
You don't know that.
Look, I need you to tell them|that the drugs were yours.
It's gonna suck.
I'm sorry.
- But I'll lose my movie.
|- No.
You'll get another one, okay? You'll get another one,|when you're clean.
Babe, you gotta get help.
|You really have to stop.
You need to go to rehab.
Hey, hey.
Hey, maybe it could be|a good career move.
What do you know? Sadly, that's probably true.
Look, I had your back.
You've gotta have mine now, okay? We're going to my dad's office|to meet with his attorney.
Come with me.
|Maybe he can help you too.
Okay.
Okay, yeah.
My mom is totally gonna freak out.
Give me an hour or so|to explain everything? - Of course.
You'll meet us there?|- Yeah.
I'll see you in a bit.
I'm really sorry.
- We're gonna sort this out, okay?|- Yeah.
Okay.
- Mom?|- There's my star.
This cake is just symbolic.
|I don't want you eating it or anything.
Calories.
- Hey, Mom, can we?|- You did it.
- You saved us.
|- Can we talk? - We were about to lose the house.
|- We were gonna lose the house? Well, I didn't wanna frighten you or put pressure on you or anything,|but yeah.
I mean, I've been literally packing the last few days|when you weren't home.
But we're good now.
And it's only up from here,|bigger and brighter, because all of our problems|are solved, all because of you, baby.
It's crazy, right? We literally had $300 left|in the bank, and I was selling my purses|on eBay.
Couldn't sing, wasn't handsome, but still became|a rock-star sex symbol.
Now, that is a cool guy.
This is Johnny Ramone?|Thought it was Howard Stern.
All right, take my picture with him.
All right, come here.
|Get him in there.
Yeah.
All right.
I mean,|I guess they were pretty influential to a lot of bands|that came out after them, you know? I heard a Green Day cover|of one of their songs.
Well, look at you.
|You're a Ramone fan? Well, you like them, and I like you, so, you know,|I downloaded a couple songs.
Okay, that was really cute.
Can I just say,|I have had the day from hell, and you have completely|turned it around? Honestly, I was a little nervous.
|I just I've heard a lot of horror stories|about people meeting online.
I do it all the time.
- Yeah?|- You are so cute.
I'm so used to guys|not looking like their pictures.
- Like, at all.
|- Well, you are quite attractive yourself.
Honestly, prettier than your pictures.
- Really?|- Yeah.
You're right,|I totally need new headshots.
Oh, you're an actress?|In L.
A.
That's rare.
Really? God,|I find there are actors everywhere.
Yeah, no, I was Never mind.
- Would I have seen you in anything?|- Well, I was a corpse in "CSI.
" But I look all dead,|so that's not a very good example.
I was in a commercial.
|OMG, this is the funniest story.
So it was for this medicine,|and I didn't know what it was.
I thought it was like a vitamin.
But then they tell me what it is,|and at first I didn't wanna do it, because I didn't want everyone|to think that I had herpes.
But then I just did it|because it was a national commercial, and I was all, "Whatever:" And did you have to do a lot|of research to get into character for that or? - What do you mean?|- Hey there.
You know, because Because - Do you wanna grab a seat?|- Yeah.
It's good that we got here early|because we can scout a good spot.
And there are Hitchcock fanatics.
I hear some guys actually dress up|like their mothers.
You will never catch me in a dress.
- But you have such amazing legs.
|- Thank you.
- What's up, half-birthday girl?|- How are you? - I see dead people.
|- We didn't get you a gift.
We figured that our presence|was gift enough.
- Yeah.
|- It'll do.
Cool.
Adrianna's gonna admit|the drugs were hers.
That's great.
You know, it was really cool of you to still care enough about Naomi|to help her.
I'd be there for anybody|who was important to me.
Ethan Ward, never fails to surprise.
Hey, I think I'm gonna get some drinks.
|Anybody want anything? - I'll go with you, man.
|- Let's do it.
- Here you go.
|- Thank you.
Okay, why does this suddenly feel|like a double date? Chill.
It is not a double date, okay? - We're gonna have fun.
|- Okay.
Hey.
What's up, guys?|Very cute couple.
- Funny.
Happy half-birthday.
|- Why, thank you.
Why does this baby only cry|whenever I'm holding him? Dude, have you looked in the mirror? Your hair,|it looks like a medieval weapon.
Look,|this relationship is not working.
All right, here, take the baby and|I need a break.
Dude, you're the caretaker.
- Come on, you're my bitch.
|- How very sad.
Okay, so just one thing.
You cannot make out with Dixon|while Ethan and I are sitting there or I will kill you.
Okay, okay.
Well, then I'm gonna|make out with him over there, so just shut your eyes, look away.
God.
- She kissed you?|- Yeah, but, look Sweetheart, I want you to know|that this was all her.
I didn't Oh, my God, she's an even bigger|nut job than I thought.
Sweetheart, you understand|that this woman has issues.
Well, she's about to have|some even bigger issues.
- See, I knew you'd be pissed.
|- I just wish she was out of our lives.
Yeah.
So do I.
- But|- She's in our lives.
Yeah.
I miss Kansas.
- I miss my friends.
|- I know.
I know.
Hey.
Well,|at least you're not six feet under.
She kissed you? Okay, everybody, we'll be starting the movie|as soon as it gets dark.
And so they make you put|all these special talents at the bottom of your résumé.
|Like it matters.
They take one look at your headshot|and decide if they're gonna hire you.
Seriously, who cares|if I do gymnastics, you know? - You do gymnastics?|- I used to.
I can still do the splits.
Wow, that is good news|for everybody.
Wow, that is good news.
- Hi, I'm Kim.
|- Hi, I'm Jacqueline.
- Are you Ryan's girlfriend?|- No, she's not my girlfriend.
- Who's this?|- This is a student.
A very annoying student|who was just leaving.
- So, what do you do, Jacqueline?|- I'm an actress.
- In L.
A.
, really? That's rare.
|- OMG, he said the exact same thing.
Don't you guys know L.
A.
Is the capital|of Hollywood? OMG, I didn't know that.
Good luck with your career.
|I loved you in the herpes commercial.
Thank you.
- Charming student.
Popcorn?|- Yeah.
If she confesses,|if the drugs were hers, it should help.
But you know, there's no guarantees.
|What I think we can do is I understand, Mr.
Woods,|but Adrianna is gonna be here.
- If you give her a few more minutes|- Please let him finish.
Okay, all that said, if your friend doesn't confess|and this ends up on your record, it is gonna be harder for you|to go to college, to get a job,|and you may have to go to jail, which in your case|would be juvenile detention.
Hey.
Happy half-birthday.
Thank you.
Told you it was good.
But maybe one day I'll be in a movie that's projected|on the side of a mausoleum.
One can only hope.
Dude, I'm telling you, that is so her.
Look at her.
|Blond hair, the Angelina Jolie lips.
- Can I get you a coffee or?|- Yeah, yummy.
You're crazy.
That is so the herpes chick.
- It's not.
|- Yes, it is.
So because it's a first offense|and because of the small amount, I may be able to get you probation,|but it's gonna be stuck on her record.
How could you be so stupid, Naomi? I know you're upset, Dad,|but she's coming.
She said she'd be here.
She promised.
I'm a little disappointed in you,|Matthews.
I mean, that's your type? - Self-absorbed and stupid?|- No, listen.
- That was incredibly inappropriate.
|- Well, that's how I roll.
Listen,|I don't wanna assume anything here, but I've been through this|with students before, so if you're having|any kind of feelings, I'm your teacher, you're my student.
And I'm a lot older than you.
|I mean, I'm not "a lot" a lot Dude, chill.
I just didn't want you|to catch her stupidity.
I hear it's contagious.
And I hope you didn't think|I had a crush on you, because gross.
- Gross, exactly.
|- Yeah.
Get over yourself.
Okay.
- Quiet down.
|- Just put the thing in.
I've already tried.
Be quiet.
Honey, I'm gonna be right back,|okay? Okay.
Hey, I need to talk to you.
Your department|made quite the scene today.
We did what we had to do.
I've already made contact|with one of the smaller dealers, but, you know,|we're after the supplier.
Supplier's not gonna come anywhere|near school after that bust today.
Wrong.
We did this now because they'll figure|the bust already happened and now they're safe.
And, Harry, we've been over this.
Don't make contact in public|with me again.
Let the precinct do their job,|and let me do my job.
I'm wondering, like, how and when|our baby was made, you know? Your dad never had that conversation|with you? I mean, like, overseas or something? Then we'd be like Brangelina.
You can totally get that.
|It's not like this is a date or anything.
Well, I know, but we're watching a movie|and we have a baby to take care of.
Whoever it was can wait.
Okay.
This is Ethan.
Leave a message.
It's complicated.
And you're right, you know,|about this not being a date.
Yeah, I know.
|That's why I said it wasn't a date.
Yeah, right, I You know,|only it kind of feels like a date.
Yeah, I know, right? But it's not.
No.
No, it's not.
Because if it was a date, I'd do this.
Oh, my God, did you guys see that? - It scared the crap out of me.
|- Yeah.
You should have seen your brother.
|What a wuss.
Hey, but I wasn't the only one|who jumped.
Did you jump too? - I jumped, man, I jumped.
|- Yes.
Yeah, you did.
- Excuse me, coming through.
|- Get out of the way.
No pulse.
Get the epi.
I don't know what happened.
|She was fine.
I cannot believe you did this to me.
You were the one person|that I thought I could count on, that I could trust.
|It was you, Adrianna, you were it.
And you can't even do so little|as to pick up your freaking phone.
Amazing.
Way to go.
This friendship is over.
We're done.
|I hope you got that.
You're dead to me.