Aaahh!!! Real Monsters (1994) s01e07 Episode Script

[ clock chiming, thunderclap]
[ creaking]
[ owl hooting]
[ shrieking]
[ crying]
[ gasps]
[ screaming]
NOT YOU AGAIN!
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
[ needle scratching record]
[ chuckles]
[ chattering]
[ belching]
GREETINGS, TINY TERRORS.
THANK YOU, SMEECH.
THIS SORT OF THING
GOES A LONG WAY WITH ME.
NOW, YOU'RE ALL IN FOR A TREAT.
PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME
TO A MONSTER WHO
NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION.
BET YOU
HE GIVES ONE.
A MONSTER WHO'S
SCARED MORE HUMANS THAN--
ME.
THE SHROINK.
[ clanging in distance]
THE SHROINK.
[ door slamming in distance]
THE SHROINK!
[ squeaking and creaking]
[ class gasping and whispering]
Monster:
CHECK HIM OUT, GUYS.
THAT'S THE SHROINK?
YOU'LL HEAR SOME
GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY.
LISTEN AND LEARN.
SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO HEAR?
YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT SCARING?
HAVE I TOLD YOU
THE ONE ABOUT THE GRAK?
WE'VE NEVER EVEN
SEEN THIS GUY BEFORE.
LET ME TELL YOU
ABOUT MY BEST SCARE.
IT WAS NIGHTTIME
[ stammering]:
NO, NO, IT WAS DUSK
WAIT A MINUTE.
MAYBE IT WAS MORNING.
GET TO THE SCARY PART.
I HAD JUST FINISHED SNACKING
ON A NICE LEATHER
STEERING WHEEL
[ snoring]
[ burps]
[ class laughing]
[ chuckles]:
COME ON.
AND NOW, IT IS MY SINCERE
PRIVILEGE TO PRESENT
THE SHROINK.
[ hooting and laughing]
Gromble:
ICKIS! KRUMM! OBLINA!
SHROINK AND I HAVE
DISCUSSED YOUR BEHAVIOR.
WE'VE DECIDED THERE'S
ONLY ONE THING TO DO.
[ screeching]
YOU SHALL ESCORT SHROINK
BACK TO HIS DUMP.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
[ chuckling]
Oblina:COME ON
COME ON.
OH!
[ all panting]
HOLD ON, JUST A MINUTE.
I'M COMING.
WAIT A SECOND.
DON'T WORRY.
I KNOW A LITTLE SHORTCUT.
COULD HE POSSIBLY
MOVE ANY SLOWER?
WELL, LOOKY HERE.
IF IT ISN'T OLD
GEORGE WASHINGTON.
HE LOOKS FAMILIAR.
TERRIBLE PICTURE.
HE LOOKS MUCH
BETTER IN PERSON.
MM-HMM.
YOUKNEW THIS HUMAN-- RIGHT.
KNEW HIM? I SCARED HIM.
I WAS JUST A YOUNG
SLIP OF A MONSTER
WHEN I FIRST SAW GEORGE.
IT WAS SOMEWHERE
NEAR THE DELAWARE RIVER.
Man:
GENERAL WASHINGTON,
SIR, SHOULDN'T WE GO NOW?
IT LOOKS A LITTLE CHOPPY.
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T DO THIS.
BUT, SIR,
THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE
I SAY WE WAIT.
[ yelling]
GO! GO! GO! GO!
Shroink:
YOU KNOW
HE NEVER THANKED ME.
EITHER I'VE BEEN
HERE IN A PAST LIFE
OR WE'VE BEEN DOWN
THIS STREET THREE TIMES.
TRUST ME.
THERE'S A LITTLE SHORTCU
RIGHT OVER THERE.
[ creaking]
[ grunting]
[ snarling]
[ gasps]
SHROINK!
USE ME.
COME ON, DOGGIE.
COME HERE, COME HERE, DOG.
[ barking]
[ grunting]
[ panting]
PLEASE.
DID SOMEONE MENTION SHORTCUT?
OH, NO.
OH!
I LOVE LITTERERS.
[ gasps]
REMINDS ME OF A GUY
I ONCE SCARED.
HIS NAME WAS ALBERT EINSTEIN.
Man:
E equals MC plus two.
No, that's not right.
E equals MC
times two.
No, no, that is
not right, either.
[ screaming]
HIS HAIR STAYED
THAT WAY FOREVER?
ABSOLUTELY. ONCE
YOU'VE BEEN SHROINKED
COME ON, KIDS,
LET'S TAKE THE SHORTCUT.
[ grunting]
[ shrieking]
OH, NOT AGAIN.
I GUESS WE BETTER SAVE HIM.
[ yelling]
HERE, I'M FREE!
[ growling]
[ yelling]
[ snarling]
[ screaming]
Boy:
RUN AWAY!
[ giggling]
THIS WAY, IT'S A SHORTCUT.
I THINK WE'VE ALL HAD
ENOUGH OF YOUR SHORTCUTS.
THIS TIME WE ARE GOING
OUR WAY, IF YOU DON'T MIND.
I WOULDN'T GO IN THERE
IF I WERE YOU.
[ gasping]
LITCH IS GOING TO LOVE THIS.
I'M GUESSING THAT'S LITCH.
SO, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?
THREE
ACADEMY WIMPS
AND A SHRIVELED
OLD GEEZER.
I TOLD YOU WE SHOULDN'
HAVE COME DOWN HERE.
ALLOW ME.
[ roaring]
[ jeering]
I BELIEVE THEY'RE LAUGHING.
I'VE HAD JUS
ABOUT ENOUGH
OF YOU PUNKS.
WELL, WHAT ARE
YOU GOING TO DO?
WHEEZE ON ME?
DON'T WORRY, KIDS.
I'LL HAVE US OUT OF HERE
BEFORE YOU CAN SAY
GO PHOO KUMPUFFAGUS.
I CAN'T WATCH.
WOW.
STUPENDOUS, REALLY.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN
ANYTHING QUITE LIKE IT.
OH, YOU WERE, YOU WERE GREAT.
AH, THAT WAS NOTHING.
DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT THE TIME
WHAT I'M SAYING IS
YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE
IN YOUR OWN BURPS.
I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO DO THAT.
SURE YOU WILL, ICKIS.
YOU KNOW WHAT THE SECRET IS
TO BEING A GREAT MONSTER?
I KNOW-- BEING THE SCARIEST.
BEING THE SMELLIEST.
[ giggling]
BEING RELATED TO THE GROMBLE?
WELL, NOW,
SPEAKING OF THE GROMBLE
I ONCE HAD A STUDEN
WHO THOUGH
HE WOULD NEVER MAKE IT.
DO YOU THINK THESE
MAKE MY FEET LOOK BIG?
BRING ME THOSE SLINGBACKS
IN A SEVEN.
STEP ON IT.
OH, FOUND 'EM.
[ both screaming]
THINK HOW DIFFEREN
THE GROMBLE WOULD BE
IF HE WORE SNEAKERS.
WHY DO YOU THINK HE'S CRANKY?
HIS TOES ARE PINCHED.
I'M GOING TO MISS YOU, SHROINK.
ME, TOO.
SO
AM I.
TELL US ANOTHER STORY.
YOU'RE NICE KIDS.
DID I TELL YOU
ABOUT TAKING THE GROMBLE
TO THE SHOE STORE?
ALL RIGHT, TIME TO GO,
STORY TIME IS OVER.
THE GROMBLE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
MAKING SURE
THE SHROINK GOT HOME.
THE SHROINK NEEDS HIS RES
AND WE SHOULD BE HEADING BACK.
I TRUST SHROINK DIDN'
GIVE YOU TOO MUCH TROUBLE.
HE'S ONE COOL MONSTER.
AND HE TOLD US
THE MOST MARVELOUS STORIES.
THOSE ARE THE SAME STORIES
HE USED TO TELL ME.
OH, AND ARE THEY ALL TRUE?
OF COURSE THEY ARE.
GREAT MONSTERS
LIKE SHROINK NEVER FIB.
EVEN THE ONE
ABOUT THE SHOE STORE?
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
ABSOLUTELY NOT!
ABSOLUTE, POSITIVE DRIVEL!
THAT RIDICULOUS NONSENSE!
BUT, UH, YOU JUST SAID
ALL RIGHT, SO,
MAYBE HE EMBELLISHED
A LITTLE.
[ snoring]
[ snoring]
MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE
GRABBED THE BLACK ONES.
[ jet engines whistling]
[ tires squealing]
HEY, WATCH THIS.
WHAT?
HERE,
KITTY, KITTY.
YOU BETTER LEAVE
THAT THING ALONE.
NOTHING'S GOING
TO HAPPEN.
[ screaming]
[ screaming]
[ screaming]
GOTCHA!
YEAH
THAT'S A PRETTY
GOOD ONE.
HERE, KITTY,
KITTY
[ snorting and roaring]
[ people screaming,
yak roaring]
I TOLD YOU
TO LEAVE IT ALONE.
[ screaming]
[ shouting]:
NO! NO!
YOU CALL THAT A SCARY POSE?
[ voice cracking]:
I, UM I THINK SO.
UH, THAT IS, I
OF ALL THE PUNY,
PITIFUL POSES
YOU HAVE
PERPETRATED
THAT ONE IS THE MOS
PROFOUNDLY PATHETIC!
[ whimpering]
I'M SORRY.
OH, DRY UP.
NOW
WATCH AND LEARN.
I AM AWESOME.
I AM HIDEOUS.
I AM FEARED.
Female:
YOU ARE
ADORABLE.
WHO SAID THAT?
WHO DO YOU THINK, HANDSOME?
IT'S SOMEBODY WHO MISSES YOU
WHO LOVES YOU
GROMBIE BOOM-BOOM?
WHO LOVES YOU?
YOU
LOVE ME, MOMMY.
MOMMY?!
[ snickering]
Gromble:
QUIET!
NOW THEN,
MOTHER
YOU DON'
LOOK WELL, SON!
MAMA BROUGHT YOU
SOMETHING TO CHEER YOU UP.
LOOK,
YOUR FAVORITE--
REFRIED LARVAE IN MOTOR OIL.
[ raucous laughing]
THAT'S RIGHT,
MY MOTHER IS HERE
AND SHE BROUGHT ME
MY FAVORITE DISH.
DOES ANYONE FIND THAT AMUSING?
ISN'T HE SCARY?
AND TO THINK,
HE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A DANCER!
MOTHER, PLEASE,
I'M TRYING TO TEACH.
I'M SORRY, SONNY.
I'LL SIT HERE.
[ whispering]:
YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW
I'M IN THE ROOM.
[ clearing throat]
NOW THEN
AREN'T YOU CUTE!
YOU REMIND ME
OF MY GROMBIE
WHEN HE WAS A BABY.
I GOT PICTURES.
MAMA LOVES HIS LITTLE
BABY BLUE BUM.
MOTHER, NO.
GROMBLE
CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN!
MOTHER, PLEASE!
AND LOOK AT THIS PLACE
IT'S DIRTY!
I KNOW, MOTHER.
IT SHOULD BE
DISGUSTING.
WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?
PUT YOUR FEET ON THE TABLE
THIS INSTANT!
MOTHER, PLEASE!
I AM A GROWNUP NOW.
I DON'T NEED YOU AROUND
TO RUN MY LIFE.
WELL
IF YOU DON'
WANT ME HERE
I'LL GO HOME.
IT'S ONLY 17 MILES TO THE SEWER.
SO WHAT IF IT'S HIGH TIDE?
I'LL HOLD MY BREATH.
NO.
YOU CAN STAY.
UNTIL HIGH TIDE PASSES.
I JUST WANT YOU OUT OF MY HAIR.
[ knocking]
WHAT?
FORGIVE ME, YOUR GROMBLENESS
BUT I'M SORRY
FOR MY BAD POSE TODAY.
SO I WORKED UP A NEW ONE
[ roaring]
ICKIS,
THAT'S WONDERFUL.
IT IS?
COME IN.
MOTHER, THIS IS ICKIS
ONE OF MY VERY BEST STUDENTS.
I AM?
HE WANTS
TO SHOW YOU THE CAMPUS
WHILE I
TEACH TODAY.
I DO?
BUT SONNY, I COULD ASSIST YOU.
I KNOW A THING OR TWO
ABOUT SCARING.
MOTHER, I WANT YOU
TO HAVE FUN HERE.
YOU'D FIND MY CLASSES SO BORING.
WELL, IF YOU THINK SO
OH, YOU'LL HAVE
A WONDERFUL, ENJOYABLE
SAFE TIME
WON'T SHE, ICKIS?
OH, YES.
YEAH!
IT'LL BE A PLEASURE.
IT WILL BE A DISASTER.
WE DON'T WANT TO.
OH, PLEASE!
SHE'S NOT THAT BAD.
BAD? SHE'S AWFUL!
YEAH.
[ coughing]
THIS ROOM JUST NEEDED
A MOTHER'S TOUCH.
I'LL GET READY.
OH, PLEASE, OH, PLEASE,
I'M BEGGING YOU.
VERY WELL.ALL RIGHT.
OH, THANK YOU.
IT'LL BE THE EASIEST THING.
A WALK IN THE DUMP.
THE DUMP!
OH, NO, BUGIES.
WE'RE GOING UP TO DO SCARE.
I, I DON'T THINK
THE GROMBLE WANTS
HE WANTS ME TO HAVE FUN
AND I HAVEN'T SCARED
ANYONE IN YEARS!
KIDS MAMA'S GOING TO
SHOW YOU A GOOD TIME!
A WALK
IN THE DUMP, EH?
[ squeaking]
[ dog-calling whistles]
HERE, WILDE YAK.
NICE VICIOUS.
NICE VICIOUS,
THING, YOU.
BEASTIE,
COME HERE.
WHERE ARE YOU?
[ clinking]
[ groaning, gasping]
HERE WE ARE.
MADE IT WITHOUT A SCRATCH.
[ monsters moaning]
OY!
[ grunting]
ICKIS MAMA'S A LITTLE STUCK.
COULD YOU HELP ME OUT?
[ grunting]
[ grunting]
[ grunting, groaning]
[ gasping]
OOH!
THAT WAS TOO FUN.
MAYBE WE SHOULD HEAD BACK HOME.
NO WAY, BUGIES.
WE'RE GOING
TO HAVE MORE FUN.
FOLLOW ME. HA-HA!
AH, MEN!
I LOVE TO SCARE 'EM.
UM, ISN'T THIS
A LITTLE DANGEROUS?
PHOO! I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
IN BROAD
DAYLIGHT?
AND IN A CROWD?
GET A LOAD OF THIS!
[ whistles]
[ mimicking Mae West]:
OH, HELLO, BOYS.
HERE THEY COME.
WATCH THIS, WATCH THIS.
[ blowing kiss]
HAH!
[ screaming]
[ motor roaring]
HA!
I STILL GOT THE TOUCH.
OH, YOU
WANT TO PLAY.
THAT'S THE SPIRIT.
[ crushing metal]
[ voice cracking]:
STOP! STOP! STOP!
[ screaming]
[ shouting]
UGH!
I'M KING OF THE MOUNTAIN!
NOW, WASN'T THAT FUN?
THRILLING.
I FEEL LIKE A KID AGAIN.
THIS HAS BEEN
THE MOST PERFECT DAY.
[ screaming]
Ickis:
MAMA GROMBLE!
Zookeeper:
WE FOUND THE WILDE YAK!
THIS DOESN'T LOOK GOOD.
[ men chanting]:
WE FOUND THE WILDE YAK.
WE FOUND THE WILDE YAK.
Zookeeper 2:
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
WE HAVE TO TELL
THE GROMBLE.
BE MY GUEST.
WELL, DO YOU HAVE
A BETTER IDEA?
PANIC AND WEEP HYSTERICALLY?
IT ALWAYS WORKS FOR ME.
Krumm:
HERE'S
WHAT WE'LL DO.
ICKIS AND I WILL GO
TO THE ZOO
FIND MAMA AND TRY TO FREE HER.
OBLINA, YOU TELL
THE GROMBLE.
IT WON'T BE PLEASAN
BUT IT'S
THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
IF ANYTHING HAPPENS
TO ICKIS AND MYSELF
YOU AND THE GROMBLE
WILL BE ABLE TO ASSIST US.
KRUMM, THA
WAS BRILLIANT.
I'M GOOD FOR ONE OF THOSE
EVERY COUPLE OF YEARS.
OH, BOY.
I'VE REALLY DONE IT NOW.
I TOLD YOU
WE'D FIND
THE WILDE YAK.
I'M A GENIUS.
YOU ARE A MUSH HEAD.
HEY,
WATCH THAT.
I DIDN'
SAY NOTHING.
THEN WHO CALLED ME
A MUSH HEAD?
I DID.
SO YOU ADMIT IT?
I DON'T ADMI
ANYTHING.
BUT YOU JUST SAID
WHAT'RE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
YOU JUST CALLED ME
A MUSH HEAD.
I DIDN'T CALL YOU
A MUSH HEAD.
YEAH, I JUS
HEARD IT
Zookeeper 2:
YOU GET OUT OF HERE.
NO, YOU GET OUT
CAPTURED BY MUSH HEADS!
WAIT TILL MY GROMBIE FINDS OUT.
HE WON'T TAKE THIS LYING DOWN.
WHAT?!
I KNOW, I KNOW
IT LOOKS BAD.
BAD?
THIS IS A CATASTROPHE!
OH, CURSE ME.
I WANTED HER OUT OF MY HAIR.
BUT NOT LIKE THIS.
[ sobbing]
IT'S ALL MY FAULT.
SO THEN, WE WON'T GET PUNISHED.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
OF COURSE YOU WILL.
OH!
HERE WE ARE.
WHAT DO WE DO?
LOOK FOR HER,
I GUESS.
LOOK WHERE?
I DON'T KNOW EVERYWHERE.
IT'S NOT LIKE THERE'S
A SIGN OR ANYTHING.
UH, PARDON ME,
EXCUSE ME.
HAVE YOU SEEN A MONSTER
ABOUT YAY BIG?
[ roaring]
[ roaring]
I'LL TAKE THAT AS A NO.
A NICE POSE, THOUGH.
VERY SCARY.
NO LUCK, KRUMM.
[ voice cracks]:
KRUMM?
OVER HERE, LOOK.
DID YOU FIND HER?
[ laughing]
YOU FOUND HER.
OH, YOU'RE A GENIUS.
[ chortling]
I DON'T LIKE
TO BRAG, BUT
MAMA GROMBLE.
IT'S ICKIS AND KRUMM.
I GUESS SHE'S ASLEEP.
MAMA GROMBLE?
THAT'S NOT HER.
NOW YOU TELL ME.
[ roaring]
[ screaming]
I'M SCARED, ICKIS!
[ roaring, screaming]
[ wailing][ wailing]
[ wailing][ wailing]
OH, STOP IT!
THANK YOU, YOUR GROMBLENESS.
WE'RE SO SORRY.
WE DIDN'T MEAN TO
I'LL DEAL
WITH YOU LATER.
WE'VE GOT TO FIND MY MAMA.
OVER HERE.
GROMBIE!
DON'T WORRY, MUMMY.
THAT'S ENOUGH.
LET'S GET HER OUT.
I'LL DO IT!
I'LL CHEW THE BARS OFF
WITH MY BARE FANGS.
YOU COULD
DO THAT.
OR YOU COULD
JUST FOLLOW
THESE HUMANS
RIGHT INTO
THE CAGE.
OKAY,
YAKIE, BABY.
IT'S
FEEDING TIME.
[ whistling]
WATCH
AND LEARN.
[ whistling]
Zookeeper 1:
THIS TUNE STINKS.
Zookeeper 2:
HEY! I WROTE IT.
Zookeepers:
HUH?!
[ men screaming]
SANDY CANDY LIVE
AS THE PRESIDENT OF THE CITY ZOO
OFFICIALLY UNVEILS
THE FIERCE, VICIOUS,
MONGOLIAN WILDE YAK.
IT IS WITH GREAT PLEASURE
THAT I OFFICIALLY UNVEIL
OUR ZOO'S NEWEST ATTRACTION
THE ONLY ONE IN CAPTIVITY
THE FIERCE, VICIOUS
MONGOLIAN WILDE YAK.
[ gasping]
Together:
SNARL, G-RR
I'M THE WILDE YAK.
AND YOU'RE G-RR.
HUH!WHA?WHAT?
THAT'STHAT'STHAT AIN'T
[ angry yelling]
I TOLD YOU
IT WOULDN'T WORK.
[ skittering]
THANK YOU FOR COMING
AND GETTING ME, GROMBIE.
I'M SORRY
I CAUSING YOU TROUBLE.
NO, I'M SORRY, MAMA.
I SHOULD HAVE SHOWN YOU
AROUND MYSELF.
IT'S OKAY, I HAD FUN.
MAYBE NEXT TIME
YOU SHOULD TRY TO TAKE IT EASY.
I WORRY ABOUT YOU.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE IT EASY
IF YOU LET ME TUCK YOU IN, MY
MOTHER!
ALL RIGHT.
I FORGET YOU'RE
ALL GROWN UP NOW.
GOOD NIGHT, SON.
GOOD NIGHT, MOTHER.
[ sucking]
BITE THE BED BUGS.
MOTHER?
YES?
WOULD YOU BRING ME
MR. SLUGGY BUGGY?
[ growls softly]
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]