Abbott Elementary (2021) s01e07 Episode Script

And that's why Abbott will always stay in my heart.
Alright, I'll wrap this up.
You know how I can carry on.
Right, Ava? I know you can, girl.
Oh.
Barbara, thank you for all your kindness.
Mel, all that you've done for me.
- I don't know how - Who is she again? I do not know that woman's name.
No, I know this.
I know this.
It's, uh Is she a gym teacher? I don't really mess with gym teachers.
Their voices never match their faces.
I cannot believe this is your last day with us.
I mean, you have been the greatest volunteer art teacher this school has ever seen.
And look.
Bermuda shorts, because your favorite vacation spot is Bermuda! Well, how sweet.
Mm-hmm.
Thank you! - You're so welcome.
- Aww.
Barbara, what is her name again? - Janine.
- Yeah? What's wrong with you? You psyching yourself up to be yourself today? No.
Today, my friend Sahar is starting.
So, when I heard we needed a new volunteer art teacher, I called my friend Sahar.
She's a successful local artist, and she's so cool.
Check it out.
This is us in college when we first met.
She never got wine stains on her teeth.
Ugh, God.
Man, believe it or not, I had a hard time making friends back then.
No.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
But Sahar really took me outside of my box, and, you know, I'm sure she's gonna do the same thing for the kids, and I don't know.
- If you think I'm cool - I don't.
- Janine's cool.
- Yes, thank you, Jacob.
She does puzzles, she knits.
Just thank you, thank you.
She wears orthopedics, and she eats plums.
What is wrong with plums? - I mean - They're not exactly the coolest fruit.
- You know what's a cool fruit? - Mm.
- Kiwi.
- Exactly.
Mm.
Oh.
Janine! Oh, my God, Sahar! Mwah, mwah.
Oh, she French? Good morning, everyone.
I'm Sahar.
So, you used to hang out with Janine? Was it some kind of big sister thing or some kind of Make-A-Wish for people who are dying of embarrassment? That is Ava.
She's funny.
Well, I'm so excited to be here.
I cannot wait to collaborate.
Okay, let me go show you around.
Come on.
Pulling off overalls? That's not easy.
I'm telling you, Twitch is more popular than TV.
More people are actually watching Twitch than Jacob, I am trying to oversee nutrition here.
Oh, yeah, no, of course.
Sorry.
What about you, Devin? Who's your favorite streamer? I'm busy, Caillou.
Classic Devin.
I can't believe this is what they're serving the children.
Mm-mm-mm.
Budget cuts.
And it gets worse every year.
Are there even any vegetables in these meals? Yeah.
We got sprouts flown in from Brussels every morning.
No use getting frustrated with him.
They're just like us doing the best with what they got.
I saw a NowThis video about some teachers in Kentucky who built a vegetable garden at their school.
We could do something like that here, I bet.
Jacob, stuff like that won't work here.
But But it's worked in other schools.
And And the great part is it would help the kids, but also we'd get to be gardening, which is like the best thing ever.
Now, that I will agree with.
Oh, my God, are we doing this? I cannot believe that I'm about ready to say this, but, Jacob, let's do this.
I know they're not assigned.
We all understand who parks where, and you parked in my understood spot.
You understand? Oh, um, she she understands.
She got it.
Yeah, I totally I I'm really sorry.
It won't happen again.
I'm just I'm still getting used to the way the place works.
It's all good.
That's in the past.
Not what I came to talk about anyway.
Well, it's what you started with.
I'm joking.
So, what I came to talk about is this year's Peter Rabbit project, which Oh, oh, oh, it's so great.
You know, every year, both our classes read "Peter Rabbit," and then, with the art teacher, the kids make their own versions of Peter with paper plates.
It's the big art project of the second grade.
It's great.
And this year - Mm-hmm? - there's a surprise.
Oh, my goodness.
Are these new?! You tell me.
Okay, um No chocolate stains.
No mildew.
Look at this binding tension.
Oh! How did you get these? I bought them.
With your own money? No favors? All me.
Oh, yeah, I've been doing this project for 15 years.
It's the first thing I did that the kids really loved.
Um This one was from my first year.
It's Styrofoam.
I get they're bad for the environment, but you try floating pigs in a blanket across a hot tub on a paper plate.
- It's legendary.
- Yeah, you're gonna love it.
We can talk logistics later.
Awesome! Can't wait! This project is right up your alley.
Are we sure Peter Rabbit is the way to go? - Oop? - I just wonder if there's maybe a more relevant story? Well, Melissa just got all those new copies.
Sahar? I've got it, and I love it.
- Oh.
- We're gonna elevate the story.
Delve deep beneath the surface of "Peter Rabbit" and uncover the metaphors hidden in the story.
Oh.
Yes.
Totally.
Yes.
I mean, most people just think of it as this story about a rabbit who steals carrots.
But we're not like most people.
We see subtext.
It's a story about domesticity and capitalism.
Exactly.
That's what I've always said.
Just wait for me before you talk to Melissa.
Of course.
This is classic Janine and Sahar.
I mean, being her friend is so exciting.
We are just doing a ton of cool stuff all the time, like going to a party at Tierra Whack's house, which she got to go.
I actually I stood outside and, um, I just listened because I couldn't get in.
It all sounded so fun.
Everyone was having a really good time.
Jacob.
Well, would you look at us? Well, you have fine taste, Mr.
Hill.
- As do you.
- Mm.
You know, the origin of sun hats is an interesting Why don't we just put on some music? - Absolutely.
- Mm-hmm.
Is that bossa nova? Yeah.
I can change it if you want.
No, no.
I love it.
Great.
There you are.
Thank you.
I, uh I bought some pre-sprouted plants to expedite the process.
I thought we could have a space for veggies and one for fruits.
Well, you know, I thought it might also be nice if we had a section for flowers too.
Ah.
One step ahead of ya.
Lilies! Like my favorite movie, "Lilies of the Field.
" Ah! You know what? They just don't make men like Sidney Poitier anymore.
They They don't.
They most certainly do not.
Hey, y'all.
What's happening here? Jacob and I are starting a garden to grow some vegetables for the students.
Oh, wow.
That's really cool.
We got an extra pair of gloves if you want in.
No, thanks, I'm good.
I mean, I appreciate it, though.
Just the opposite of green thumbs over here.
In the '60s, my grandfather started a landscaping business, Eddie Lawn & Care.
Then, in the '90s, my father took it over.
Then, for the first 20 years of my life, I spent every single summer "vacation" planting, mowing, and raking.
I cannot stand gardening.
You don't want to over water that one.
From what I've heard.
Amaya, you are in Jupiter's group.
Stop hoarding Saturn's rings.
What do you mean by old? Old how? Like, I'm old or it's old-fashioned? - What What old? - No, no.
The project is just a little elementary.
Of course it's elementary! - This is an elementary school! - Okay, I misspoke.
I shouldn't have said "elementary.
" I'm sorry.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
What's going on? Little miss MoMA over here thinks a beloved tradition is too "elementary" for second graders, so she wants to do some installation in the library instead.
I don't not want to do your project.
I just You know, Janine and I were talking earlier today.
Oh, oh, oh, you're in on this, too? Mm-mm, let's all just take a deep breath and ask ourselves We want to elevate the project.
Could you stop saying "we"? Okay, we're doing the bunny plates like we've always done, and that's the end of the discussion.
Janine, get your girl and tell her to watch out because you don't know who you're messing with.
Okay, so, um, what I got from that is you should watch out and you don't know who you're messing with.
Mm.
Uh I am so sorry that got so intense, but that's why I wanted you to wait for me to talk to Melissa with you.
No apology necessary.
At least she's passionate.
True, true.
But still, I'm sorry your art-installation project got shut down.
Oh, we're gonna do the installation.
Since when have we let one "no" stop us? A "no" from Melissa is like a thousand "no's" from anybody else.
Melissa's gonna love the installation.
She just doesn't know it yet 'cause she doesn't think like us.
- We're wired different.
- Totally, totally.
I think it's "wired differently," but What happened to the Janine who was hopping over turnstiles last year to protest minimum wage - for transit workers? - Actually, I did pay 'cause I couldn't get over the turnstile and that's how they get paid, so it wasn't making sense as a protest.
Let me ask you this question.
Did you take this job so that you could be part of the system or because you wanted to inspire - What's your name? - Bria.
students like Bria and her friends to be the next generation of free thinkers? You're good.
You know how to get me fired up.
Ha! But still, we can't use the library without Melissa's co-sign.
I mean, it's her project.
What did we do in college when the TAs gave us unfair grades? - Cry and accept it? - Flirt with the professor.
No, I-I You did that? All I'm saying is, we just got to go over Melissa's head.
She is so right.
Sometimes I forget why I got into this job, but Sahar reminded me in a way where I didn't even know it was happening.
Just like boom! So cool.
Actually, you know, it was my grandmother that fostered my love of gardening.
And mischief.
I'm dead.
I am dead.
Barbara.
Oh! Ooh! Great work, buddy! Aww! Let's get this little guy inside.
Crap.
Jacob and Barbara have no idea what they're doing.
He was trying to plant a coconut in West Philadelphia in soil with a sub-6.
3 pH.
Bruh! Devin, my guy, look at this.
What do you suits want? What's that for? Eating.
It's a zucchini.
I know what a zucchini is, man.
What do you want me to do with it? We are growing vegetables for the kids in our new garden.
We birthed this.
Oh, you birthed it? Let me Can I? Let me see.
Oh, look, you birthed it.
The baby! Look at the little baby! - Baby Sidney! - The disrespect! What am I supposed to do with a twerp squash? Feed half a kid? Come on, man.
Of course not.
That was just a sample of what's to come.
Once these plants start blooming, we're gonna be swimming in squash.
And then what? We prepare them? We do not have time.
We're barely getting by as is.
Y'all can make-believe on your own time.
So, not the reaction I was hoping for.
Devin's right.
- We're being foolish.
- Barbara! I cannot believe that I let myself get carried away.
Projects like this, they do not work in public schools.
I pulled a Janine.
I still think there's a way to make Mnh-mnh! - Mnh! - It work.
There's gotta be a solution here, you know? Because, you know, if I have to go into that garden without my girl Barbara Sorry.
Hey, Ava.
What do you think of these? Oh, wow, those are fun.
Not you, Carlton.
I was asking Sahar.
I agree with Janine.
I think they're so fun.
You have really good taste.
So, Ava, we have a little favor to ask you.
She not hear me? You know, Ava When I was doing Ayahuasca in Peru, I was visited by an Earth goddess who had the exact same energy profile as you.
It was beautiful.
Girl, don't you throw up and poop your pants on that? You're funny.
Janine and I are wondering if we could use the library for a little installation we're planning.
- Like an art show? - Kind of.
- It's for the kids.
- Mm-hmm.
It's sort of an elevated version of Melissa's idea.
Oh, elevated? Hell yeah, you got my okay on that.
- Great.
- Darling! Well, have a great day, Ava.
Don't tell me what kind of day to have.
Getting all presumptuous and rude.
Hey, Ava.
I hope today shimmers for you.
You know what, Sahar? I think it will.
Oh, got a little schmutz there.
Oh, a, uh a kid sneezed on me.
Morning, everyone! Barbara, look! Zucchini! Washed, grilled, ready to eat.
There's no way all that zucchini came from your garden.
- I assume.
- Assume correctly you did, Gregory, because I went to the farmers market.
I bought a ton of zucchini and basically stayed up all night preparing it.
Did you guys know you're supposed to dilute cold brew concentrate with water? I didn't.
Can't really feel my toes.
So, you stayed up all night preparing this? I did.
Devin said they didn't have time to do it, so I did it.
Jacob.
I am really impressed.
Ooh! You did a real "Go, Man, Go!" Yes! What the hell is happening? There's more in my car.
Melissa, I think you're going to love what the kids and I have created.
There better be paper-plate bunnies.
Oh, there are definitely paper-plate bunnies.
There are paper-plate bunnies, right? There are paper-plate bunnies.
And more than that, there's passion.
Let the experience begin.
Wow! Guys, this is just great work! - Great work! - Oh, my goodness! Wow, these look so good.
Oh, my gosh.
We all worked very hard on our bunnies, so we thought it was only right to give them a home.
- Oh, wow, Sahar! - Oh, my gosh.
I don't usually explain my art to other people, and I'm sure you already totally get it.
Yeah, no, couldn't be clearer.
Sahar, I got to hand it to you, this is wonderful.
My thesis was to break societal norms by creating and destroying all at once, using what held us back to propel us forward.
Yeah, I mean, that's how you got to do it.
Sahar.
Mm- hmm? What is this garden made of? Oh, that's the best part.
It's made out of the "Peter Rabbit" books.
Niecy.
- Yeah, it'll work.
- For what? To brutally bludgeon your friend.
Why are you reacting this way? The project was gorgeous.
Sahar, you ruined the books she bought.
- Mm-hmm.
- You all don't understand.
The whole project was about pushing boundaries.
How about I push the boundaries of your head with this book?! No! Alright.
Sahar, this project was about the kids practicing their fine motor skills in a creative way.
You took this way too far.
There's no such thing.
And we can just get more books.
It's not hard.
It is hard, actually.
Then I'll use some of my money to create a personal grant so that the school can get more relevant books than "Peter Rabbit.
" What is your problem with "Peter Rabbit"? It's just been done.
It's done for a reason.
Are there even any bunnies of color in it? The kids like it, okay? Just because a bunch of people like something doesn't make it bad.
Ehhh.
Sahar, we owe Melissa an apology.
Wow.
I knew it.
- I knew you were one of them.
- One of who? A conductor of mediocrity and conformity.
You know, I thought it was so cool that you worked in an underprivileged school, but now I see that you don't even care about inspiring the kids.
You know what? I hate to say it, but I think you're a conventional thinker.
You know what? You can get out.
Actually, Janine, I'm gonna go.
And, by the way, I lied.
You are swimming in that sweater.
Yeah, well, your real name is Sarah! I saw it in your birth certificate collage! - Just don't.
- Did the art show start? Did I miss the step and repeat? Melissa, I had no idea she was gonna do that.
I am so s No, don't you dare apologize.
I'm proud of you.
You did the right thing kicking that wannabe Zoe Kravitz - out of here.
- You kicked Sahar out?! Aw, man, Janine! What's her handle? I have no idea why you were friends with her to begin with.
Look, I mean, without Sahar, college wouldn't have been fun for me.
She made me feel like I fit in somewhere being myself.
She made being an outcast cool.
Being a real person is more important than being cool.
And you're a real person.
Who owes me 75 copies of "Peter Rabbit" before next year.
Okay, if you guys are finished with this very special episode, Janine, can you shoot me Sahar's number? I'm tryin' to go out this weekend.
Just what I need a man who wears used pants bringing me a tray of pickles.
Devin, Jacob stayed up all night long preparing this zucchini for the children's lunches.
We realize how difficult your day must be.
- Mm.
- You work under stressful conditions and you still provide for hundreds of kids a day.
And I am sorry for insulting your food.
I am sure it's great.
I appreciate that, and it is great.
- You should try some.
- Oh, I have.
No, not with this new microwave we got.
These things is piping hot.
Go ahead, give it a try.
Yeah.
Yeah? Yeah.
Mmm.
Tater tots.
Oh, that's a chicken nugget.
Oh.
Anyways, here it is, all ready to serve.
Oh, yep.
Ooh.
That's a health-code violation.
I can't be serving food y'all made at home.
Go ahead, get some more nuggets.
How'd you get those? I think the what is more important than the how here.
I obviously could not afford to buy the books myself, so I had to get creative.
So, what you see here is a commentary on both domesticity and capitalism.
Uh, as well as socialism and sexism.
If you think about it for a second, carrot or not, it's up to the eye of the beholder of the person who has the eye.
I reached out to some art collectors who notoriously have money to burn.
I sold the art installation and had enough money to replace the books.
Pretty cool.
Oh, why would you put that together? Power clashing.
Okay.
Okay, you are gonna flip when you see.
Go.
Oh! It's breathtaking! It's like our own little Pandora.
You know how like in "Avatar" when No.
It's okay.
I guess we don't have to like all the same things all the time.
Oh.
Oh, uh, let's go.
Yes! Oh, they were absolutely killing everything.
I don't think a single seed would have survived.
I couldn't just sit there and watch that.
It's like my dad always said.
"A real man doesn't ignore the root of the problem.
Now pick that hoe up!" I hate gardening so much.