Alpha Males (2022) s01e07 Episode Script
When Was The Last Time You Cried?
1
A NETFLIX SERIES
[classical music playing]
[Luis sighs]
We have to think about
what's best for the kids.
For their mother not to bang another man.
We have to nail things down, Luis.
- Don't be like that.
- [grunts]
[exhales]
This can't be happening.
Look, it's best that we talk to Luz.
She can arrange everything.
No, fuck that.
Those two are very close.
She'll feather her nest, Esther's nest.
Well, it's my nest too.
Luz is a professional,
but broads stick together.
They don't like us.
[Luis] No fucking way. She's your friend.
- You're creating problems.
- I'm not. It'll work out cheaper.
Do you want us
to have two separate lawyers?
That'd be the way to go.
How do you plan to pay?
For the kids,
bird nesting is the best option.
Each legal guardian lives in the family
home during their custody period,
and then goes some other place
when they're off duty.
Yeah, but that other place costs money.
You could go to your parents' house.
And how much alimony would I have to pay?
[Esther] Who asked you for any?
- I'm talking to my lawyer.
- [Esther] Oh.
To keep things fair, each parent
would meet the children's needs
when they're with them.
We can also make a calculation
so that the parent who earns the most
contributes a little bit more.
- [Esther] Him.
- Um, both our incomes are the same.
[chuckles] Come on, you receive
extra payments. I should be so lucky.
Who put down the deposit on the car?
Who paid to redo the kitchen?
Uh, want me to show you how much
our monthly grocery receipts are?
- Stop.
- Receipts, really?
[Esther] I can give you
the sum total I've spent on fish.
- They don't even like fish.
- Where else would they get their omega-3?
The sticky buns your mom buys them?
They're made with milk.
And there's no palm oil.
Come on, don't get into arguments
that will just make things toxic.
Have you thought
about how you're going to tell the kids?
[theme music playing]
- But it isn't my birthday.
- Open it.
VALID FOR A THREESOME
[sighs] A trio? Like, mariachis?
For sex, my darling. You, me and a woman.
No, no, I know how it works,
but is it necessary?
Dude, any other guy would love the idea,
and all you do is raise objections.
They're not objections.
You just caught me by surprise.
It's just you're being very modern.
- Doesn't it turn you on?
- Yeah, a lot.
It's not that simple.
Sure it is.
We just have to pay for an escort.
Oh, I find this really ugly.
I think it objectifies women.
Did you say objectify?
- The course changed me.
- You're right.
Bad idea. I'll find something better.
And more exciting. All right, my love?
- Mmm! Mmm!
- Yeah, of course.
[Daniela] I absolutely adore
my Golden Flow Nectar deep hydration oil.
With this fragrance, mmm! Addictive.
You can use it as often as you want,
and it gives you that little touch
of shine that,
you know, we all need sometimes.
I always carry some
in my purse, My Golden Flow.
Golden [sighs]
Golden Glow. Damn it! [sighs]
I mean, I absolutely adore
my deep hydration oil, Golden Glow Nectar.
These new bars
are called Choco Loco Shock.
And they have 30% less grams of sugar,
but the same great taste.
Mmm!
With the new
Therapy Gun percussive massager,
I reduce muscle pain
and increase my lymphatic drainage.
And where you can't reach
get your man to help.
- [whirring]
- Mmm!
[Pedro exhales] Hmm.
Ow, that really hurts, God damn it.
You need to return these two dresses,
and tell Richard to give you three more.
- I have nothing to wear.
- I'll take the car then.
No, no, no, no, no, I have to take it
to my hair appointment.
The life of a diva is exhausting,
let me tell you.
I'm not sure this'll all fit
on the motorcycle.
No, not on the motorcycle.
They'll get creased.
Patri, order Mr. Pedro a taxi.
[Patri] Okay, right away, ma'am.
[both chuckle]
Really, we don't need the Mini?
A pain in my balls.
[Raúl] One woman got you fired,
and now you're a slave
to another who's your girlfriend.
Hey, hey, hey.
I have a contract. I have social security.
She put me on the books.
What's the job title, huh?
Home Helper or, uh,
candy pants and pigtails?
- [Pedro laughs mockingly]
- [Raúl] Check this out, please.
[laughs] The male coat stand
in all his glory.
Listen, you guys, I'm trapped
in her stupid fucking virtual universe.
- Don't like the job, quit.
- [Pedro] How am I gonna tell Daniela?
She's so excited
about us working together.
Together is a euphemism.
What's this bullshit
about having to like our job?
I don't like mine at all, okay?
Mnh-mnh. And I mean, do you like your job?
Well, I wish I could sit around playing
with my balls
while my bank account fills. [chuckles]
[Santi] Yeah, right? And you, Luis?
I liked it
when people respected police officers.
Now they spit on us.
We all work for the money, period.
Enough with the fantasizing
about your dream fucking job.
- All right, then, say hi to your new boss.
- Yep, yeah.
This asshole.
Hi.
- I downloaded this app for threesomes.
- Huh?
And I chose a few. Wanna see?
What did you say?
No, not here, crazy lady.
- Oh. Hello.
- Hey-hey.
- Nice to see you.
- Hey.
Look at that ass.
I mean, she must do a ton of squats.
She's hot. Yeah.
"I really enjoy oral sex
and adore being touched."
- Sounds great.
- See? [gasps]
What are you doing?
Baby, I'm all horny now.
Right here?
- Yes.
- No, no, no, no, no way.
Come on, yes, yes, yes.
A quickie, a quickie.
Come on, just a quickie. Come here.
- What's gotten into you?
- Mmm!
Sweetie, I don't wanna get rid
of these clothes. Please, let's keep them.
Listen, I need more space.
DiCaprio wore that
sneaking onto the Titanic.
[Santi] No, no, no.
Come on, not my CD collection.
- No way!
- Dad, practice non-attachment.
You cling to things that give you nothing,
like with Mom.
There are some real
musical treasures here.
Look, look, Back in Black, AC/DC, hmm?
And Physical Graffiti by Led Zeppelin.
By who?
It's signed by Robert Plant.
They toured here in '95.
Okay, so keep that one as a souvenir.
But you're selling the rest.
It's all online.
We get more space.
- And you get money for your dates.
- Ah, mm, sweetie. Hmm, one thing.
I wanna delete my Tinder.
Dad, you said ten women.
Yeah, it's just that I like Eugenia.
And call me old-fashioned
Old-fashioned.
But I want to focus on her.
So I should say no to Verónica?
Fine, but this is the last one, okay?
[Daniela] Hey.
What is this 400 euro charge
to the "Emotional Wellbeing Ltd."?
I didn't control your spending
when I gave you a credit card.
Though you were getting radiofrequency
therapy three times a month.
You did too control it. What is it?
Hmm? A masseuse that gives happy endings?
- [scoffs] Seriously?
- I don't know.
"Emotional Wellbeing Ltd." Hmm?
It's something else. [clears throat]
Tell me or I'll find out on the Internet.
I signed up for a course
on the deconstruction of masculinity.
Ah, what for?
Our gay friend Diego recommended it to us.
Wait, since when do you have gay friends?
I always thought
you were a little homophobic.
And why's that?
Because of the way you talk,
your comments.
Well, that's what I'm fixing.
Listen, how you tell your kids
is going to be crucial.
A breakup can have
a huge emotional impact on them.
They may feel their home environment
is falling apart.
Fuck.
[doctor] And often, they tend to blame
themselves for their parents' separation.
But why though, when it's her fault?
[doctor] It's more important
that you explain to them
that the love you have for each other
and the love you feel for them
are different kinds of love.
And that you'll never stop loving them.
Okay, but they know
that we love them to death.
And you promised me
you would love me my whole life.
That's a long time.
[doctor] This is what you should avoid
when you're with them.
No blame game, no arguments.
They need to see
that you still love each other,
but in a different way. Hmm?
Look what you've done, Esther.
Look what you've done.
My loves.
Mom and Dad have a new story
that we're going to read together.
- Sound good?
- Do you have cancer?
No, sweetie. What makes you say that?
Because Martina's mom read her a new story
because she's going to go bald
from cancer.
No, this is a story about
a family that loves each other very much.
- That's boring.
- Hey, come on, kids, listen up.
"Once upon a time, there was
a green chameleon whose name was Simeón."
- Let Dad read it. He makes up voices.
- Yeah, yeah, Daddy!
[Esther] Go ahead.
[Luis clears throat] "Once upon a time,
there was a green chameleon
whose name was Simeón."
"He lived with his parents in a beautiful
tree where they were always very happy."
"Until one day, Simeón realized that
his parents argued all day and all night
and that they weren't as happy
as they used to be."
And chameleons eat flies.
- Like this. [slurps]
- [Esther] Uh.
- Don't interrupt.
- And they're almost extinct.
Okay.
"And one morning, Simeón saw that
his parents weren't green anymore."
"They were gray. They had lost
the brilliance of their colors."
"Simeón decided to ask them,
'Mama, Daddy, why aren't you
all the colors of the rainbow anymore?'"
- Damn, this story's so sad.
- Go on.
[Luis] "Then his mom said,
'Let's go and ask Octavia,
the wise tortoise.'"
"'She'll know how to help us.'"
She must be the forest, uh, psychologist.
[Iris] She looks like Grandma Marga.
[laughing]
[Esther] Shh!
"As soon as she saw them,
the tortoise said,
'There has been a sadness
that has entered your hearts.'"
"'It'd be better for you to live separate
so you can regain your happiness again.'"
She's a stupid tortoise.
[Esther] Honey, no, she's very wise.
If they split up,
they're gonna be even sadder.
They can paint themselves
with colors so they don't look gray.
Hmm. Yeah, but that doesn't fix
the sadness they have inside, hmm?
Okay, then they should
have a water balloon fight.
- No, because
- [Iris] Or a pillow fight.
- Kids, come on, we're reading a story.
- I don't like it!
[Iris] The tortoise is bad.
Kids, stop it.
- [Iris] Stop. You're gonna get it!
- Take that.
[Luis] Here.
- Who the hell wrote this shit?
- [Ulises] Take that.
This isn't an NGO. It's a restaurant.
Jesus, it's just for today, dude.
I'm broke.
On Tinder,
you eat more than you fuck, Raúl.
- Put it on a tab.
- I can't. I have a business partner.
- How am I to explain a dinner for two?
- I'll do a free appraisal.
- I can't have property in my name.
- The case will settle some day.
I'll give you two shots.
Nobody else gets that.
- Raúl, please, don't be so cheap.
- [Verónica] Hi.
Are you Santi?
[Santi] Uh.
- Uh-huh.
- [Verónica chuckles]
Am I what you expected?
Well, to be honest,
you're way too beautiful.
Is there something you're not telling me?
I like to go out with regular guys.
Ugly ducklings, right? Desperate.
You're more grateful. For a while.
But then you get all cocky
and become just another asshole.
- Hmm, yeah.
- For the couple.
Here is the salmorejo toast with red tuna
and a delicious monkfish brochette.
How about we wash it down
with a little pink champagne?
No, no, no, uh,
you're good with the wine, right?
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
I'd love some champagne.
Then say no more.
I'm on it, huh? [chuckles]
You don't like champagne?
Yes. For once, the ugly duckling
has dinner with a beauty, hmm?
Look, I'm not perfect. I have a problem.
Right.
I really love to have sex a lot.
I need partners
that are very confident in bed.
- Confident.
- Hmm.
Confidence is important
in general in life, right?
I think sex is the only thing
that makes me feel alive.
[Santi gulps]
- Shall we go back to your place?
- Mmm.
- Huh? Yeah?
- Yes. Yes.
- Raúl, hold the cham
- [cork pops]
And you, what do you do, darling?
Me? Uh, well, I was a TV director.
- [woman] Oh!
- But I'm reinventing myself.
[Daniela] He's helping me now.
Oh, how cute. You two work together.
Elías and I designed
last season's collection together.
And we've hated each other
ever since that moment.
- [all laughing]
- But in our case, it's temporary.
- Or not.
- I can't imagine Asier working for me.
He's too cocky and pig-headed.
Well, you should do a course on
the deconstruction of masculinity, Asier.
You'd learn a lot of new things.
I don't think you'll change,
no matter how many PowerPoint slides
you're shown.
[laughing]
- Well, I'm happy. [trills]
- [woman] Oh, yeah?
There are advantages
to being the boyfriend of an influencer.
You get invited to premieres
and glamorous parties
where you meet interesting people,
And you don't have
very much responsibility,
as long
as you don't lose her purse. [laughs]
- You're winning!
- He does more than that.
Paris Hilton carries around a chihuahua,
and Daniela has me. Look right here.
PLUS ONE
Anything the boss needs, right?
I'm ready for it.
I love it.
The joke is it turns out
I landed a real winner. [laughs]
- You earn that much from social media?
- Yes, I'm the new Kardashian right now.
- No.
- [laughing]
I never would have guessed
when she was an unemployed air hostess.
[chuckles] I mean, flight attendant,
which is much more inclusive
and less sexist, Asier.
I just don't understand
why you would act like such a jerk.
Can't you tell
it makes me really uncomfortable?
Me? You were the one who humiliated me.
Why, because I said you work with me?
No, no, no, not with you. For you.
Listen, you should ask
for my money back, buddy,
'cause that course
is not doing shit for you.
Listen, I don't like this whole thing,
and I don't like what you're becoming.
Wait, this is getting interesting.
What am I becoming?
Absolutely ridiculous
and and superficial.
Let me remind you
that you weren't exactly a United Nations
High Commissioner, okay, Pedro?
You worked in TV.
Your place in hell is guaranteed.
All you care about is making
a good impression, always smiling,
playing nice with everybody.
That's not who I really am.
That's my avatar.
In order to sell things,
you have to look beyond perfect.
Do I really have to explain it to you?
Well, I feel ridiculous
having to keep up appearances.
It pisses me off!
Well, do you know what's even better?
Besides making lots of money,
I'm having a good time.
No, I'm a bad bitch.
That's what really pisses you off.
Um, what?
Pedro, you've gotta be a real man if
you wanna be with a successful woman, hmm?
[laughs]
All the attention
isn't doing you any good.
And you,
all the attention you're not getting.
I think this is pathetic.
Natalia wants to see us.
- Hold your belly in, darling.
- What? What belly?
[camera shutter clicks]
- Sending. Let's see what she says.
- [cell phone whooshes]
[Raúl sighs]
She's gonna say no.
The light is really bad in here.
I hope she not an idiot, 'cause we're hot.
No way. She's writing something!
[chuckles, gasps]
TOMORROW I'LL BE IN THE MIDDLE
This is our first one, honey. [chuckles]
So cool, right?
Very cool, very cool.
[exhales]
- Okay, well.
- Mmm. Mmm.
Typical divorced guy's apartment.
Uh, maybe a little, yeah. [chuckles]
Would you like a drink?
I make good margaritas. I oh!
- I
- Mmm!
- [Santi] Oh!
- Ah!
- [groans] Ow! You're
- [moaning]
- Could go to the bed to the bedroom.
- [panting, laughing]
- [Santi groaning]
- [sighs] Quiet.
- [pop music playing]
- [Santi groans] Oh!
- [laughs]
- [Verónica] Oh, yes, oh, yes!
Like that. Harder!
- [Santi] Harder?
- [Verónica] Like that, more! Oh!
Fuck me, asshole!
[music volume increases]
- [Verónica moaning] More! Aah!
- [grunting]
[watch] You appear
to be using the elliptical machine.
- Shut up, damn it.
- Would you like to record this session?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Damn it, fuck!
- [Verónica] Yes! Yes! Ah!
- Wait! [grunts]
[Santi groans]
- [Ulises] Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad!
- [gasps]
- Do you have a girlfriend?
- Ulises.
Huh? No, no, no, no.
What makes you say that, honey?
Because Bosco's dad used
to sleep on the couch
because he had a blonde girlfriend.
[Esther] It's because Dad
was snoring last night.
Come on, get dressed. I have a surprise.
What surprise, huh?
[Esther] How about this, kids?
Are you happy?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
That's great.
You know that Mom and Dad
both love you very much, right?
And that love is, it's forever and ever.
Don't be scared, Mom. We're not gonna die.
Amusement rides are safe.
Your dad and I, uh, we've decided
oh, my God! Oh, my God!
[screaming]
Oh, God, Luis, please, Luis! What is this?
Luis, stop this please. [shouts]
Kids, what your father and your mother
are trying to say is
- [man] Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah! [gasps]
Uh, kids, what Mom and Dad are trying
to say is that we will always be a family.
- A very united family. Whatever happens.
- [Ulises] Mm-hmm.
[Luis] You'll see. In a few days,
Mommy and Daddy are gonna be
- Oh, this makes you dizzy.
- [Ulises] Faster!
- [Luis] Not faster. It isn't necessary.
- [Esther] Is this actually for kids?
[Iris] This is awesome!
Look, what your Mom has been trying
to tell you for the last three rides
is that were not gonna stay
- I can't do it.
- Luis, please.
What's wrong, Mommy?
- You take the heat. It's your fault.
- This isn't anyone's fault.
Why are you both so sad?
Because Mom and Dad are gonna split up
like Simeón the chameleon's mom and dad.
There, done.
[riders screaming]
- [inhales]
- Your room's the same. [sighs]
Except for Grandma.
This way you can keep her company.
She gets bored.
- Chat with her.
- Look
He really gets on my nerves,
but I feel sorry for him too.
It comes and goes.
I mean, right now my life makes no sense.
It's the worst and best moment ever.
Do you think that working
with your partner
improves your relationship or not?
No, it definitely makes it worse.
When you don't get on with an employee,
you have to dispense of their services.
No, Mónica, no.
I'd completely destroy his confidence.
But, Daniela, what are you,
a businesswoman or an NGO?
- Ah!
- [snaps fingers]
- We're making the most delicious lunch.
- [sizzling]
Sautéed cauliflower with chimichurri
and chicken breast
with soy sauce, honey and lemon.
Because the missus is very healthy.
Patricia, please tell me
you haven't become an influencer.
The missus followed me and got me
a ton of followers. I already have 586.
Congratulations.
Don't record here inside the house, okay?
To maintain our privacy.
- She already showed the entire house.
- [Pedro] What's next?
Letting the world see
how white our underwear is?
Yes, sir. I I mean, no, no, sir.
Let me delete it.
- One sec.
- [Pedro] Please.
- Oh, no, that was on live. Oh!
- Hi, Patri.
Shall we eat?
I had a promotion come through,
and I have to go to Dr. Casado's clinic
to talk about the wonders
of cryolipolysis.
Today? I have my course, honey.
Unless you give me a little more notice.
All good. I'm going with Mónica.
- Who's Mónica?
- [Daniela] My coach.
You have a coach?
The woman I met at the store opening.
Well, I could just not go to the course.
I'll ask Santi for the notes.
No, no. You go. Deconstruct in peace.
[heavy metal music playing]
Hey, I'd like to sell my CD collection.
Ah, my whole life collecting music.
Meh, it's my passion, but whatever.
- Eighty.
- For which one?
- All of them.
- What do you mean?
No, no, no, no. Look, these are
some real musical treasures, sir.
This one, for example.
The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust
and the Spiders from Mars by David Bowie.
- I have five more of these right here.
- Okay, okay, okay. [chuckles]
Like a Virgin by Madonna, huh?
Special edition with unreleased track.
It gets better.
The autograph from one
of her bodyguards says "Gregory." Okay?
Eighty euros for the lot.
- Hello, girls. This is Mónica, my coach.
- Hi, ladies.
You're the first guy I know
who thinks a threesome is a problem.
That's exactly what Luz said.
It could be a problem.
For example, condoms, hmm? What do you do?
Wear one with Luz,
a fresh one with the other girl?
There's an outbreak of syphilis.
This is bullshit, man.
Our life as a couple used to be so calm.
You mean, like, when you cheated on her
while she only slept with you?
What great times, damn it!
Well, imagine if you got a limp dick
from stress?
[huffs] Can we just
change the subject, please?
And what if the two of them get down
to business and just ignore you?
What would you do? Watch, touch yourself?
- I think that's rude, touching yourself.
- Oh, go fuck yourself, man!
- Wait. It's about to start.
- [Santi shushing]
- [audience applauding]
- [rock music playing]
[instructor] Welcome once again
to Deconstructing Sexist Pigs.
Today, I need a volunteer, hmm,
a good example of a man
with toxic masculinity.
Who can handle some self-criticism?
Any volunteers?
Let's see.
Uh, the guy with the cell phone. Hello.
Uh, yes. Excuse me.
It was just a work thing.
Yeah, your friend snitched on you.
What's your name?
- Pedro. Pedro Aguilar.
- Pedro, when was the last time you cried?
- For Spain, when Iniesta scored.
- [laughing]
Do you dare come up?
I'd like to talk about the male ego.
SELF-CRITICISM
[clears throat] Yeah, sure.
- Asshole.
- Have fun. [chuckles]
[instructor] A big round of applause.
- Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it!
- You're a star. Come on.
- How are you, Pedro?
- Fine.
Relax.
Let's see how you do with stereotypes.
What do you do?
I was a director, but I got fired.
They replaced me with a woman
because of the purple-washing
they were doing at the company,
and well, the glass ceiling fell on me.
- [sighs]
- [audience laughs]
Do you do you feel bitter towards women?
On the contrary,
I now work for my girlfriend.
- Oh, sorry, uh, for my my partner.
- Good.
She's an influencer.
She is Daniela Galván.
You can follow her @lifestylebydaniela.
[instructor] Very good. See? This is
a clear example of the new paradigm.
Pedro used to be an alpha male.
He witnessed how the new awareness
took his power away.
And what'd he do? Go under? No.
He reinvented himself.
He was happy
about his girlfriend's professional growth
and accepted that she'd become
the economic powerhouse in his home.
I wasn't happy about it.
It's just that I had to suck it up.
Okay, but somehow
you found a perfect balance.
Patrick, uh, can I be honest with you?
Of course.
I have my doubts about this course.
That what we want. We want you to think.
This whole thing
about the new masculinity
Masculinities. We agree that
there are more than just one.
Yes, whatever.
That's even worse. [inhales]
Are you sure this is a good thing for us?
I mean,
has this been thoroughly researched?
Are you asking me whether
the desire that many men have
to live in a more egalitarian society
is something positive?
- No, no, equality is very good.
- Ah.
What I'm talking about
is a whole other thing.
I'm not following you, Pedro.
Um, one second. Luis!
Luis, come come here a minute.
- Me?
- [Pedro] Yes.
Get down here,
so they understand what I mean.
- What?
- [Patrick] Luis, come on. Come up, Luis.
Luis. A big round of applause for Luis.
Luis and I have been best friends
since, well, ah, I don't remember.
Since '93.
That's it. So, I know the guy fairly well.
I see him as an icon
of this new masculinity.
He has never in his life uttered
an inappropriate word toward a woman.
In fact, I can't even
remember him hitting on a woman.
- What the
- He is conciliatory.
Like no other. He's an awesome dad,
does half the housework.
He won't let anyone touch
the dishwasher because nobody,
nobody can optimize
the loading space like he can.
[chuckles] That's because people
put the bowls where the cups go.
They're to go with the plates.
I mean, he has renounced
all patriarchal privileges.
You won't find one gram
of male toxicity in his body.
He's a lovely guy.
The perfect husband.
And how does his wife repay him?
- By screwing the gym instructor!
- [audience clamoring]
- Dude, don't tell them that, please.
- So, this is my question.
Are you sure the new masculinity
is a good thing?
Or is this whole fucking idea
screwing us over?
Bravo! Bravo! My best friend.
Bravo!
- Fuck, you can't do that.
- You were way out of order, dude.
Calm down, you're a hero, dude.
Do you know how many of those losers
felt like they identified with you?
- Mm-hmm.
- It's my private life, damn it!
Well, sometimes, uh,
it's good to verbalize things, right?
- To verbalize for me, not him.
- Fuck! Don't focus on that.
- Can't you see? It's all a business.
- What do you mean?
There were at least
a hundred guys in there,
at 400 euros per head
and look how many courses he has.
That guy must be making
minimum 500,000 a year.
- Working two days a week, what an asshole.
- Just repeating the same thing.
Wait, so you're thinking about
offering courses on new masculinities?
- Ha! Not exactly.
- Come on, let's get a drink.
- No, no, I'm going home.
- Hey, hey!
Don't go, dude. Change that attitude.
- Your life has changed for the better.
- [Luis exhales]
One week,
you'll be Superdad at home with the kids.
And then the next,
you'll be in your fuck pad.
[scoffs] What fuck pad?
I sleep next to my grandma.
- She's still alive?
- Wow, she's really clinging on.
Luis, joint custody is the future
of healthy relationships.
[Luis] Hmm.
When it's Esther's week to be home,
sure she won't sneak that other guy in?
No, I don't think so.
What do you mean? Doesn't your agreement
ban that prick from coming to visit?
I don't know.
- [Santi] Hmm.
- It didn't even cross my mind.
[Pedro mutters]
Do you really think that she'd
be capable of bringing that guy to the
that guy in my house?
No, no, into your bed.
And with your kids in the next room.
- [chattering]
- [dance music playing]
[Natalia] Hey!
She's really cute, right?
- This is killing me.
- A little young.
- Hello.
- [Natalia] Hi.
You're way cuter than in the photo, huh?
Well, yeah, you know,
the light was really bad. [chuckles]
- Those halogen lights don't do us justice.
- [Natalia] Yeah.
[Raúl chuckles]
- Uh, so a drink, right?
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- Tequila!
- [Luz chuckles]
[Natalia] So
- Okay, well, our first movie together.
- Mm. [chuckles]
Yes, I've really got dry lips
from all the salt on that popcorn.
They put a lot on
so you drink more soft drinks.
- [laughs] I mean
- Just kiss me already.
Ah. Oh. [exhales]
No, because you were saying
how your lips were dry from
[both moan]
- Wanna come up?
- Yes.
- Yes?
- Yes. Yes, yes.
Psst-psst! Psst!
Go on, give it to her. Let her enjoy it.
Stop objectifying her, please.
Give me something.
I'll watch your Maserati.
I really don't like you.
[mocks] I really don't like you.
- How was it?
- Hmm? Good.
- Good, very good.
- Yeah, lots of chemistry.
- Yes, there was chemistry, yeah.
- Right? [chuckles]
- Yes. Yes, yes.
- Or not?
Look, the first time,
there's always room for improvement.
But in general, very good. Very good.
[laughing]
[Eugenia] Mmm.
I have to go.
- Uh, you can stay the night if you want.
- Yeah, no, no, sure.
It's just my daughter is home alone.
And the gasman rapist is still
on the loose, so
Who?
A fake gas engineer comes in your house
and rapes you. Wow. [chuckles]
- Be careful, huh?
- I have an electric boiler.
Oh, good, you're safe then. Watch out.
[groans]
Oh, that was quick. Was it that bad?
Leave me alone.
Come on, give me something.
[grunts]
Ah, here.
What is this? This is awful.
[exhales]
[grunts]
Diamonds aren't
in fashion this season. [groans]
- And here you go.
- Here.
Why would I want all this crap?
Have a yard sale.
What a fucking asshole.
Damn, AC/DC!
Do you have a Discman?
- [grunts]
- [keys jangle]
[sighs, chuckles]
- [sighs]
- Daddy!
Oh, God. Shh! Don't shout. [kisses]
- [Iris] Ulises, Daddy just got home.
- [Ulises] I don't wanna see him.
- Okay. [sighs]
- What's going on?
Uh, nothing, nothing.
I'll put her back to bed.
What are you doing here? You scared me.
No, I left my mouth guard here
and of course,
with all this stress lately,
I couldn't seem to sleep.
- But you haven't used it in two years.
- I'm changing a lot of things, Esther.
Do you think I'm an idiot or what?
You came here to spy on me.
I did. Because I don't trust you one bit.
You really think I'd bring
anyone back here? Are you crazy?
Seeing as you've pulled
so many crazy stunts lately.
Look [huffs]
Let's just try and get along.
I'm asking you, please.
- It's not that easy.
- And please, just forget about Guillermo.
Hmm! As if I give a damn
about that jackass. [scoffs]
[chuckles] Oh.
Ah. Slow down. Here.
I don't believe it.
- [sighs]
- [Luis] Good morning.
- What have I done now?
- You crossed a solid white line.
What solid white line?
I've just pulled out.
Well, these tires are a bit smooth, huh?
[Guillermo] No way.
I just got them last year.
Well, sir, you get what you pay for.
- Have I done something to you?
- Could you sign the report?
Well, no.
- Go on, then. Keep going now.
- [engine turns over]
Before the year ends,
you'll have no points left.
[chuckles]
[Julián] Huh?
- Eh, personal business.
- Oh.
- I'll wake her up and get her to leave.
- But why did she stay here?
Don't know.
Bing, bang, boom, and home you go.
Maybe she needs a ride home.
Well, she can order an Uber.
We paid for all her drinks last night,
and I need to go shower.
How about I hide my number
and call her phone? Then I'll hang up.
It's probably on silent.
Good morning, guys.
- Oh, hey. How are you? How did you sleep?
- [Raúl chuckles]
Not great. Your mattress is too hard.
- We like it really firm.
- Would you like a coffee or an Uber?
I see, this was your first time, right?
No, no, no, no, no, not for us.
I mean, we've been doing threesomes
longer than the Three Stooges.
Well, it was nice to meet you,
and thank you for everything.
- You're welcome. [chuckles]
- Ciao.
- Maybe we can see each other another time.
- Hmm. Don't take it personally.
But I don't repeat.
That's when problems start and
- Sure.
- [Natalia] Okay, guys.
Mwah! Ciao.
I don't think she liked us.
Dude, it's because you were really shy.
It's just not natural. You're doing it
while your girlfriend's watching,
like being on America's Got Talent.
I was a little disappointed, to be honest.
I don't know. It's not all that.
We thought that being sexually modern
would be better,
but what works best is the same old,
same old.
[slurps]
Maybe we should try it with a guy.
No fucking way.
- I'm not doing that.
- What?
- But why not? Hey.
- No. No!
How do you know you don't like it
if you haven't tried?
- [Raúl] No!
- Darling.
[Raúl] I said no!
[theme music playing]
A NETFLIX SERIES
[classical music playing]
[Luis sighs]
We have to think about
what's best for the kids.
For their mother not to bang another man.
We have to nail things down, Luis.
- Don't be like that.
- [grunts]
[exhales]
This can't be happening.
Look, it's best that we talk to Luz.
She can arrange everything.
No, fuck that.
Those two are very close.
She'll feather her nest, Esther's nest.
Well, it's my nest too.
Luz is a professional,
but broads stick together.
They don't like us.
[Luis] No fucking way. She's your friend.
- You're creating problems.
- I'm not. It'll work out cheaper.
Do you want us
to have two separate lawyers?
That'd be the way to go.
How do you plan to pay?
For the kids,
bird nesting is the best option.
Each legal guardian lives in the family
home during their custody period,
and then goes some other place
when they're off duty.
Yeah, but that other place costs money.
You could go to your parents' house.
And how much alimony would I have to pay?
[Esther] Who asked you for any?
- I'm talking to my lawyer.
- [Esther] Oh.
To keep things fair, each parent
would meet the children's needs
when they're with them.
We can also make a calculation
so that the parent who earns the most
contributes a little bit more.
- [Esther] Him.
- Um, both our incomes are the same.
[chuckles] Come on, you receive
extra payments. I should be so lucky.
Who put down the deposit on the car?
Who paid to redo the kitchen?
Uh, want me to show you how much
our monthly grocery receipts are?
- Stop.
- Receipts, really?
[Esther] I can give you
the sum total I've spent on fish.
- They don't even like fish.
- Where else would they get their omega-3?
The sticky buns your mom buys them?
They're made with milk.
And there's no palm oil.
Come on, don't get into arguments
that will just make things toxic.
Have you thought
about how you're going to tell the kids?
[theme music playing]
- But it isn't my birthday.
- Open it.
VALID FOR A THREESOME
[sighs] A trio? Like, mariachis?
For sex, my darling. You, me and a woman.
No, no, I know how it works,
but is it necessary?
Dude, any other guy would love the idea,
and all you do is raise objections.
They're not objections.
You just caught me by surprise.
It's just you're being very modern.
- Doesn't it turn you on?
- Yeah, a lot.
It's not that simple.
Sure it is.
We just have to pay for an escort.
Oh, I find this really ugly.
I think it objectifies women.
Did you say objectify?
- The course changed me.
- You're right.
Bad idea. I'll find something better.
And more exciting. All right, my love?
- Mmm! Mmm!
- Yeah, of course.
[Daniela] I absolutely adore
my Golden Flow Nectar deep hydration oil.
With this fragrance, mmm! Addictive.
You can use it as often as you want,
and it gives you that little touch
of shine that,
you know, we all need sometimes.
I always carry some
in my purse, My Golden Flow.
Golden [sighs]
Golden Glow. Damn it! [sighs]
I mean, I absolutely adore
my deep hydration oil, Golden Glow Nectar.
These new bars
are called Choco Loco Shock.
And they have 30% less grams of sugar,
but the same great taste.
Mmm!
With the new
Therapy Gun percussive massager,
I reduce muscle pain
and increase my lymphatic drainage.
And where you can't reach
get your man to help.
- [whirring]
- Mmm!
[Pedro exhales] Hmm.
Ow, that really hurts, God damn it.
You need to return these two dresses,
and tell Richard to give you three more.
- I have nothing to wear.
- I'll take the car then.
No, no, no, no, no, I have to take it
to my hair appointment.
The life of a diva is exhausting,
let me tell you.
I'm not sure this'll all fit
on the motorcycle.
No, not on the motorcycle.
They'll get creased.
Patri, order Mr. Pedro a taxi.
[Patri] Okay, right away, ma'am.
[both chuckle]
Really, we don't need the Mini?
A pain in my balls.
[Raúl] One woman got you fired,
and now you're a slave
to another who's your girlfriend.
Hey, hey, hey.
I have a contract. I have social security.
She put me on the books.
What's the job title, huh?
Home Helper or, uh,
candy pants and pigtails?
- [Pedro laughs mockingly]
- [Raúl] Check this out, please.
[laughs] The male coat stand
in all his glory.
Listen, you guys, I'm trapped
in her stupid fucking virtual universe.
- Don't like the job, quit.
- [Pedro] How am I gonna tell Daniela?
She's so excited
about us working together.
Together is a euphemism.
What's this bullshit
about having to like our job?
I don't like mine at all, okay?
Mnh-mnh. And I mean, do you like your job?
Well, I wish I could sit around playing
with my balls
while my bank account fills. [chuckles]
[Santi] Yeah, right? And you, Luis?
I liked it
when people respected police officers.
Now they spit on us.
We all work for the money, period.
Enough with the fantasizing
about your dream fucking job.
- All right, then, say hi to your new boss.
- Yep, yeah.
This asshole.
Hi.
- I downloaded this app for threesomes.
- Huh?
And I chose a few. Wanna see?
What did you say?
No, not here, crazy lady.
- Oh. Hello.
- Hey-hey.
- Nice to see you.
- Hey.
Look at that ass.
I mean, she must do a ton of squats.
She's hot. Yeah.
"I really enjoy oral sex
and adore being touched."
- Sounds great.
- See? [gasps]
What are you doing?
Baby, I'm all horny now.
Right here?
- Yes.
- No, no, no, no, no way.
Come on, yes, yes, yes.
A quickie, a quickie.
Come on, just a quickie. Come here.
- What's gotten into you?
- Mmm!
Sweetie, I don't wanna get rid
of these clothes. Please, let's keep them.
Listen, I need more space.
DiCaprio wore that
sneaking onto the Titanic.
[Santi] No, no, no.
Come on, not my CD collection.
- No way!
- Dad, practice non-attachment.
You cling to things that give you nothing,
like with Mom.
There are some real
musical treasures here.
Look, look, Back in Black, AC/DC, hmm?
And Physical Graffiti by Led Zeppelin.
By who?
It's signed by Robert Plant.
They toured here in '95.
Okay, so keep that one as a souvenir.
But you're selling the rest.
It's all online.
We get more space.
- And you get money for your dates.
- Ah, mm, sweetie. Hmm, one thing.
I wanna delete my Tinder.
Dad, you said ten women.
Yeah, it's just that I like Eugenia.
And call me old-fashioned
Old-fashioned.
But I want to focus on her.
So I should say no to Verónica?
Fine, but this is the last one, okay?
[Daniela] Hey.
What is this 400 euro charge
to the "Emotional Wellbeing Ltd."?
I didn't control your spending
when I gave you a credit card.
Though you were getting radiofrequency
therapy three times a month.
You did too control it. What is it?
Hmm? A masseuse that gives happy endings?
- [scoffs] Seriously?
- I don't know.
"Emotional Wellbeing Ltd." Hmm?
It's something else. [clears throat]
Tell me or I'll find out on the Internet.
I signed up for a course
on the deconstruction of masculinity.
Ah, what for?
Our gay friend Diego recommended it to us.
Wait, since when do you have gay friends?
I always thought
you were a little homophobic.
And why's that?
Because of the way you talk,
your comments.
Well, that's what I'm fixing.
Listen, how you tell your kids
is going to be crucial.
A breakup can have
a huge emotional impact on them.
They may feel their home environment
is falling apart.
Fuck.
[doctor] And often, they tend to blame
themselves for their parents' separation.
But why though, when it's her fault?
[doctor] It's more important
that you explain to them
that the love you have for each other
and the love you feel for them
are different kinds of love.
And that you'll never stop loving them.
Okay, but they know
that we love them to death.
And you promised me
you would love me my whole life.
That's a long time.
[doctor] This is what you should avoid
when you're with them.
No blame game, no arguments.
They need to see
that you still love each other,
but in a different way. Hmm?
Look what you've done, Esther.
Look what you've done.
My loves.
Mom and Dad have a new story
that we're going to read together.
- Sound good?
- Do you have cancer?
No, sweetie. What makes you say that?
Because Martina's mom read her a new story
because she's going to go bald
from cancer.
No, this is a story about
a family that loves each other very much.
- That's boring.
- Hey, come on, kids, listen up.
"Once upon a time, there was
a green chameleon whose name was Simeón."
- Let Dad read it. He makes up voices.
- Yeah, yeah, Daddy!
[Esther] Go ahead.
[Luis clears throat] "Once upon a time,
there was a green chameleon
whose name was Simeón."
"He lived with his parents in a beautiful
tree where they were always very happy."
"Until one day, Simeón realized that
his parents argued all day and all night
and that they weren't as happy
as they used to be."
And chameleons eat flies.
- Like this. [slurps]
- [Esther] Uh.
- Don't interrupt.
- And they're almost extinct.
Okay.
"And one morning, Simeón saw that
his parents weren't green anymore."
"They were gray. They had lost
the brilliance of their colors."
"Simeón decided to ask them,
'Mama, Daddy, why aren't you
all the colors of the rainbow anymore?'"
- Damn, this story's so sad.
- Go on.
[Luis] "Then his mom said,
'Let's go and ask Octavia,
the wise tortoise.'"
"'She'll know how to help us.'"
She must be the forest, uh, psychologist.
[Iris] She looks like Grandma Marga.
[laughing]
[Esther] Shh!
"As soon as she saw them,
the tortoise said,
'There has been a sadness
that has entered your hearts.'"
"'It'd be better for you to live separate
so you can regain your happiness again.'"
She's a stupid tortoise.
[Esther] Honey, no, she's very wise.
If they split up,
they're gonna be even sadder.
They can paint themselves
with colors so they don't look gray.
Hmm. Yeah, but that doesn't fix
the sadness they have inside, hmm?
Okay, then they should
have a water balloon fight.
- No, because
- [Iris] Or a pillow fight.
- Kids, come on, we're reading a story.
- I don't like it!
[Iris] The tortoise is bad.
Kids, stop it.
- [Iris] Stop. You're gonna get it!
- Take that.
[Luis] Here.
- Who the hell wrote this shit?
- [Ulises] Take that.
This isn't an NGO. It's a restaurant.
Jesus, it's just for today, dude.
I'm broke.
On Tinder,
you eat more than you fuck, Raúl.
- Put it on a tab.
- I can't. I have a business partner.
- How am I to explain a dinner for two?
- I'll do a free appraisal.
- I can't have property in my name.
- The case will settle some day.
I'll give you two shots.
Nobody else gets that.
- Raúl, please, don't be so cheap.
- [Verónica] Hi.
Are you Santi?
[Santi] Uh.
- Uh-huh.
- [Verónica chuckles]
Am I what you expected?
Well, to be honest,
you're way too beautiful.
Is there something you're not telling me?
I like to go out with regular guys.
Ugly ducklings, right? Desperate.
You're more grateful. For a while.
But then you get all cocky
and become just another asshole.
- Hmm, yeah.
- For the couple.
Here is the salmorejo toast with red tuna
and a delicious monkfish brochette.
How about we wash it down
with a little pink champagne?
No, no, no, uh,
you're good with the wine, right?
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
I'd love some champagne.
Then say no more.
I'm on it, huh? [chuckles]
You don't like champagne?
Yes. For once, the ugly duckling
has dinner with a beauty, hmm?
Look, I'm not perfect. I have a problem.
Right.
I really love to have sex a lot.
I need partners
that are very confident in bed.
- Confident.
- Hmm.
Confidence is important
in general in life, right?
I think sex is the only thing
that makes me feel alive.
[Santi gulps]
- Shall we go back to your place?
- Mmm.
- Huh? Yeah?
- Yes. Yes.
- Raúl, hold the cham
- [cork pops]
And you, what do you do, darling?
Me? Uh, well, I was a TV director.
- [woman] Oh!
- But I'm reinventing myself.
[Daniela] He's helping me now.
Oh, how cute. You two work together.
Elías and I designed
last season's collection together.
And we've hated each other
ever since that moment.
- [all laughing]
- But in our case, it's temporary.
- Or not.
- I can't imagine Asier working for me.
He's too cocky and pig-headed.
Well, you should do a course on
the deconstruction of masculinity, Asier.
You'd learn a lot of new things.
I don't think you'll change,
no matter how many PowerPoint slides
you're shown.
[laughing]
- Well, I'm happy. [trills]
- [woman] Oh, yeah?
There are advantages
to being the boyfriend of an influencer.
You get invited to premieres
and glamorous parties
where you meet interesting people,
And you don't have
very much responsibility,
as long
as you don't lose her purse. [laughs]
- You're winning!
- He does more than that.
Paris Hilton carries around a chihuahua,
and Daniela has me. Look right here.
PLUS ONE
Anything the boss needs, right?
I'm ready for it.
I love it.
The joke is it turns out
I landed a real winner. [laughs]
- You earn that much from social media?
- Yes, I'm the new Kardashian right now.
- No.
- [laughing]
I never would have guessed
when she was an unemployed air hostess.
[chuckles] I mean, flight attendant,
which is much more inclusive
and less sexist, Asier.
I just don't understand
why you would act like such a jerk.
Can't you tell
it makes me really uncomfortable?
Me? You were the one who humiliated me.
Why, because I said you work with me?
No, no, no, not with you. For you.
Listen, you should ask
for my money back, buddy,
'cause that course
is not doing shit for you.
Listen, I don't like this whole thing,
and I don't like what you're becoming.
Wait, this is getting interesting.
What am I becoming?
Absolutely ridiculous
and and superficial.
Let me remind you
that you weren't exactly a United Nations
High Commissioner, okay, Pedro?
You worked in TV.
Your place in hell is guaranteed.
All you care about is making
a good impression, always smiling,
playing nice with everybody.
That's not who I really am.
That's my avatar.
In order to sell things,
you have to look beyond perfect.
Do I really have to explain it to you?
Well, I feel ridiculous
having to keep up appearances.
It pisses me off!
Well, do you know what's even better?
Besides making lots of money,
I'm having a good time.
No, I'm a bad bitch.
That's what really pisses you off.
Um, what?
Pedro, you've gotta be a real man if
you wanna be with a successful woman, hmm?
[laughs]
All the attention
isn't doing you any good.
And you,
all the attention you're not getting.
I think this is pathetic.
Natalia wants to see us.
- Hold your belly in, darling.
- What? What belly?
[camera shutter clicks]
- Sending. Let's see what she says.
- [cell phone whooshes]
[Raúl sighs]
She's gonna say no.
The light is really bad in here.
I hope she not an idiot, 'cause we're hot.
No way. She's writing something!
[chuckles, gasps]
TOMORROW I'LL BE IN THE MIDDLE
This is our first one, honey. [chuckles]
So cool, right?
Very cool, very cool.
[exhales]
- Okay, well.
- Mmm. Mmm.
Typical divorced guy's apartment.
Uh, maybe a little, yeah. [chuckles]
Would you like a drink?
I make good margaritas. I oh!
- I
- Mmm!
- [Santi] Oh!
- Ah!
- [groans] Ow! You're
- [moaning]
- Could go to the bed to the bedroom.
- [panting, laughing]
- [Santi groaning]
- [sighs] Quiet.
- [pop music playing]
- [Santi groans] Oh!
- [laughs]
- [Verónica] Oh, yes, oh, yes!
Like that. Harder!
- [Santi] Harder?
- [Verónica] Like that, more! Oh!
Fuck me, asshole!
[music volume increases]
- [Verónica moaning] More! Aah!
- [grunting]
[watch] You appear
to be using the elliptical machine.
- Shut up, damn it.
- Would you like to record this session?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Damn it, fuck!
- [Verónica] Yes! Yes! Ah!
- Wait! [grunts]
[Santi groans]
- [Ulises] Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad!
- [gasps]
- Do you have a girlfriend?
- Ulises.
Huh? No, no, no, no.
What makes you say that, honey?
Because Bosco's dad used
to sleep on the couch
because he had a blonde girlfriend.
[Esther] It's because Dad
was snoring last night.
Come on, get dressed. I have a surprise.
What surprise, huh?
[Esther] How about this, kids?
Are you happy?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
That's great.
You know that Mom and Dad
both love you very much, right?
And that love is, it's forever and ever.
Don't be scared, Mom. We're not gonna die.
Amusement rides are safe.
Your dad and I, uh, we've decided
oh, my God! Oh, my God!
[screaming]
Oh, God, Luis, please, Luis! What is this?
Luis, stop this please. [shouts]
Kids, what your father and your mother
are trying to say is
- [man] Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah! [gasps]
Uh, kids, what Mom and Dad are trying
to say is that we will always be a family.
- A very united family. Whatever happens.
- [Ulises] Mm-hmm.
[Luis] You'll see. In a few days,
Mommy and Daddy are gonna be
- Oh, this makes you dizzy.
- [Ulises] Faster!
- [Luis] Not faster. It isn't necessary.
- [Esther] Is this actually for kids?
[Iris] This is awesome!
Look, what your Mom has been trying
to tell you for the last three rides
is that were not gonna stay
- I can't do it.
- Luis, please.
What's wrong, Mommy?
- You take the heat. It's your fault.
- This isn't anyone's fault.
Why are you both so sad?
Because Mom and Dad are gonna split up
like Simeón the chameleon's mom and dad.
There, done.
[riders screaming]
- [inhales]
- Your room's the same. [sighs]
Except for Grandma.
This way you can keep her company.
She gets bored.
- Chat with her.
- Look
He really gets on my nerves,
but I feel sorry for him too.
It comes and goes.
I mean, right now my life makes no sense.
It's the worst and best moment ever.
Do you think that working
with your partner
improves your relationship or not?
No, it definitely makes it worse.
When you don't get on with an employee,
you have to dispense of their services.
No, Mónica, no.
I'd completely destroy his confidence.
But, Daniela, what are you,
a businesswoman or an NGO?
- Ah!
- [snaps fingers]
- We're making the most delicious lunch.
- [sizzling]
Sautéed cauliflower with chimichurri
and chicken breast
with soy sauce, honey and lemon.
Because the missus is very healthy.
Patricia, please tell me
you haven't become an influencer.
The missus followed me and got me
a ton of followers. I already have 586.
Congratulations.
Don't record here inside the house, okay?
To maintain our privacy.
- She already showed the entire house.
- [Pedro] What's next?
Letting the world see
how white our underwear is?
Yes, sir. I I mean, no, no, sir.
Let me delete it.
- One sec.
- [Pedro] Please.
- Oh, no, that was on live. Oh!
- Hi, Patri.
Shall we eat?
I had a promotion come through,
and I have to go to Dr. Casado's clinic
to talk about the wonders
of cryolipolysis.
Today? I have my course, honey.
Unless you give me a little more notice.
All good. I'm going with Mónica.
- Who's Mónica?
- [Daniela] My coach.
You have a coach?
The woman I met at the store opening.
Well, I could just not go to the course.
I'll ask Santi for the notes.
No, no. You go. Deconstruct in peace.
[heavy metal music playing]
Hey, I'd like to sell my CD collection.
Ah, my whole life collecting music.
Meh, it's my passion, but whatever.
- Eighty.
- For which one?
- All of them.
- What do you mean?
No, no, no, no. Look, these are
some real musical treasures, sir.
This one, for example.
The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust
and the Spiders from Mars by David Bowie.
- I have five more of these right here.
- Okay, okay, okay. [chuckles]
Like a Virgin by Madonna, huh?
Special edition with unreleased track.
It gets better.
The autograph from one
of her bodyguards says "Gregory." Okay?
Eighty euros for the lot.
- Hello, girls. This is Mónica, my coach.
- Hi, ladies.
You're the first guy I know
who thinks a threesome is a problem.
That's exactly what Luz said.
It could be a problem.
For example, condoms, hmm? What do you do?
Wear one with Luz,
a fresh one with the other girl?
There's an outbreak of syphilis.
This is bullshit, man.
Our life as a couple used to be so calm.
You mean, like, when you cheated on her
while she only slept with you?
What great times, damn it!
Well, imagine if you got a limp dick
from stress?
[huffs] Can we just
change the subject, please?
And what if the two of them get down
to business and just ignore you?
What would you do? Watch, touch yourself?
- I think that's rude, touching yourself.
- Oh, go fuck yourself, man!
- Wait. It's about to start.
- [Santi shushing]
- [audience applauding]
- [rock music playing]
[instructor] Welcome once again
to Deconstructing Sexist Pigs.
Today, I need a volunteer, hmm,
a good example of a man
with toxic masculinity.
Who can handle some self-criticism?
Any volunteers?
Let's see.
Uh, the guy with the cell phone. Hello.
Uh, yes. Excuse me.
It was just a work thing.
Yeah, your friend snitched on you.
What's your name?
- Pedro. Pedro Aguilar.
- Pedro, when was the last time you cried?
- For Spain, when Iniesta scored.
- [laughing]
Do you dare come up?
I'd like to talk about the male ego.
SELF-CRITICISM
[clears throat] Yeah, sure.
- Asshole.
- Have fun. [chuckles]
[instructor] A big round of applause.
- Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it!
- You're a star. Come on.
- How are you, Pedro?
- Fine.
Relax.
Let's see how you do with stereotypes.
What do you do?
I was a director, but I got fired.
They replaced me with a woman
because of the purple-washing
they were doing at the company,
and well, the glass ceiling fell on me.
- [sighs]
- [audience laughs]
Do you do you feel bitter towards women?
On the contrary,
I now work for my girlfriend.
- Oh, sorry, uh, for my my partner.
- Good.
She's an influencer.
She is Daniela Galván.
You can follow her @lifestylebydaniela.
[instructor] Very good. See? This is
a clear example of the new paradigm.
Pedro used to be an alpha male.
He witnessed how the new awareness
took his power away.
And what'd he do? Go under? No.
He reinvented himself.
He was happy
about his girlfriend's professional growth
and accepted that she'd become
the economic powerhouse in his home.
I wasn't happy about it.
It's just that I had to suck it up.
Okay, but somehow
you found a perfect balance.
Patrick, uh, can I be honest with you?
Of course.
I have my doubts about this course.
That what we want. We want you to think.
This whole thing
about the new masculinity
Masculinities. We agree that
there are more than just one.
Yes, whatever.
That's even worse. [inhales]
Are you sure this is a good thing for us?
I mean,
has this been thoroughly researched?
Are you asking me whether
the desire that many men have
to live in a more egalitarian society
is something positive?
- No, no, equality is very good.
- Ah.
What I'm talking about
is a whole other thing.
I'm not following you, Pedro.
Um, one second. Luis!
Luis, come come here a minute.
- Me?
- [Pedro] Yes.
Get down here,
so they understand what I mean.
- What?
- [Patrick] Luis, come on. Come up, Luis.
Luis. A big round of applause for Luis.
Luis and I have been best friends
since, well, ah, I don't remember.
Since '93.
That's it. So, I know the guy fairly well.
I see him as an icon
of this new masculinity.
He has never in his life uttered
an inappropriate word toward a woman.
In fact, I can't even
remember him hitting on a woman.
- What the
- He is conciliatory.
Like no other. He's an awesome dad,
does half the housework.
He won't let anyone touch
the dishwasher because nobody,
nobody can optimize
the loading space like he can.
[chuckles] That's because people
put the bowls where the cups go.
They're to go with the plates.
I mean, he has renounced
all patriarchal privileges.
You won't find one gram
of male toxicity in his body.
He's a lovely guy.
The perfect husband.
And how does his wife repay him?
- By screwing the gym instructor!
- [audience clamoring]
- Dude, don't tell them that, please.
- So, this is my question.
Are you sure the new masculinity
is a good thing?
Or is this whole fucking idea
screwing us over?
Bravo! Bravo! My best friend.
Bravo!
- Fuck, you can't do that.
- You were way out of order, dude.
Calm down, you're a hero, dude.
Do you know how many of those losers
felt like they identified with you?
- Mm-hmm.
- It's my private life, damn it!
Well, sometimes, uh,
it's good to verbalize things, right?
- To verbalize for me, not him.
- Fuck! Don't focus on that.
- Can't you see? It's all a business.
- What do you mean?
There were at least
a hundred guys in there,
at 400 euros per head
and look how many courses he has.
That guy must be making
minimum 500,000 a year.
- Working two days a week, what an asshole.
- Just repeating the same thing.
Wait, so you're thinking about
offering courses on new masculinities?
- Ha! Not exactly.
- Come on, let's get a drink.
- No, no, I'm going home.
- Hey, hey!
Don't go, dude. Change that attitude.
- Your life has changed for the better.
- [Luis exhales]
One week,
you'll be Superdad at home with the kids.
And then the next,
you'll be in your fuck pad.
[scoffs] What fuck pad?
I sleep next to my grandma.
- She's still alive?
- Wow, she's really clinging on.
Luis, joint custody is the future
of healthy relationships.
[Luis] Hmm.
When it's Esther's week to be home,
sure she won't sneak that other guy in?
No, I don't think so.
What do you mean? Doesn't your agreement
ban that prick from coming to visit?
I don't know.
- [Santi] Hmm.
- It didn't even cross my mind.
[Pedro mutters]
Do you really think that she'd
be capable of bringing that guy to the
that guy in my house?
No, no, into your bed.
And with your kids in the next room.
- [chattering]
- [dance music playing]
[Natalia] Hey!
She's really cute, right?
- This is killing me.
- A little young.
- Hello.
- [Natalia] Hi.
You're way cuter than in the photo, huh?
Well, yeah, you know,
the light was really bad. [chuckles]
- Those halogen lights don't do us justice.
- [Natalia] Yeah.
[Raúl chuckles]
- Uh, so a drink, right?
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- Tequila!
- [Luz chuckles]
[Natalia] So
- Okay, well, our first movie together.
- Mm. [chuckles]
Yes, I've really got dry lips
from all the salt on that popcorn.
They put a lot on
so you drink more soft drinks.
- [laughs] I mean
- Just kiss me already.
Ah. Oh. [exhales]
No, because you were saying
how your lips were dry from
[both moan]
- Wanna come up?
- Yes.
- Yes?
- Yes. Yes, yes.
Psst-psst! Psst!
Go on, give it to her. Let her enjoy it.
Stop objectifying her, please.
Give me something.
I'll watch your Maserati.
I really don't like you.
[mocks] I really don't like you.
- How was it?
- Hmm? Good.
- Good, very good.
- Yeah, lots of chemistry.
- Yes, there was chemistry, yeah.
- Right? [chuckles]
- Yes. Yes, yes.
- Or not?
Look, the first time,
there's always room for improvement.
But in general, very good. Very good.
[laughing]
[Eugenia] Mmm.
I have to go.
- Uh, you can stay the night if you want.
- Yeah, no, no, sure.
It's just my daughter is home alone.
And the gasman rapist is still
on the loose, so
Who?
A fake gas engineer comes in your house
and rapes you. Wow. [chuckles]
- Be careful, huh?
- I have an electric boiler.
Oh, good, you're safe then. Watch out.
[groans]
Oh, that was quick. Was it that bad?
Leave me alone.
Come on, give me something.
[grunts]
Ah, here.
What is this? This is awful.
[exhales]
[grunts]
Diamonds aren't
in fashion this season. [groans]
- And here you go.
- Here.
Why would I want all this crap?
Have a yard sale.
What a fucking asshole.
Damn, AC/DC!
Do you have a Discman?
- [grunts]
- [keys jangle]
[sighs, chuckles]
- [sighs]
- Daddy!
Oh, God. Shh! Don't shout. [kisses]
- [Iris] Ulises, Daddy just got home.
- [Ulises] I don't wanna see him.
- Okay. [sighs]
- What's going on?
Uh, nothing, nothing.
I'll put her back to bed.
What are you doing here? You scared me.
No, I left my mouth guard here
and of course,
with all this stress lately,
I couldn't seem to sleep.
- But you haven't used it in two years.
- I'm changing a lot of things, Esther.
Do you think I'm an idiot or what?
You came here to spy on me.
I did. Because I don't trust you one bit.
You really think I'd bring
anyone back here? Are you crazy?
Seeing as you've pulled
so many crazy stunts lately.
Look [huffs]
Let's just try and get along.
I'm asking you, please.
- It's not that easy.
- And please, just forget about Guillermo.
Hmm! As if I give a damn
about that jackass. [scoffs]
[chuckles] Oh.
Ah. Slow down. Here.
I don't believe it.
- [sighs]
- [Luis] Good morning.
- What have I done now?
- You crossed a solid white line.
What solid white line?
I've just pulled out.
Well, these tires are a bit smooth, huh?
[Guillermo] No way.
I just got them last year.
Well, sir, you get what you pay for.
- Have I done something to you?
- Could you sign the report?
Well, no.
- Go on, then. Keep going now.
- [engine turns over]
Before the year ends,
you'll have no points left.
[chuckles]
[Julián] Huh?
- Eh, personal business.
- Oh.
- I'll wake her up and get her to leave.
- But why did she stay here?
Don't know.
Bing, bang, boom, and home you go.
Maybe she needs a ride home.
Well, she can order an Uber.
We paid for all her drinks last night,
and I need to go shower.
How about I hide my number
and call her phone? Then I'll hang up.
It's probably on silent.
Good morning, guys.
- Oh, hey. How are you? How did you sleep?
- [Raúl chuckles]
Not great. Your mattress is too hard.
- We like it really firm.
- Would you like a coffee or an Uber?
I see, this was your first time, right?
No, no, no, no, no, not for us.
I mean, we've been doing threesomes
longer than the Three Stooges.
Well, it was nice to meet you,
and thank you for everything.
- You're welcome. [chuckles]
- Ciao.
- Maybe we can see each other another time.
- Hmm. Don't take it personally.
But I don't repeat.
That's when problems start and
- Sure.
- [Natalia] Okay, guys.
Mwah! Ciao.
I don't think she liked us.
Dude, it's because you were really shy.
It's just not natural. You're doing it
while your girlfriend's watching,
like being on America's Got Talent.
I was a little disappointed, to be honest.
I don't know. It's not all that.
We thought that being sexually modern
would be better,
but what works best is the same old,
same old.
[slurps]
Maybe we should try it with a guy.
No fucking way.
- I'm not doing that.
- What?
- But why not? Hey.
- No. No!
How do you know you don't like it
if you haven't tried?
- [Raúl] No!
- Darling.
[Raúl] I said no!
[theme music playing]