Amazing Stories (1985) s01e07 Episode Script
Fine Tuning
Andrew! Honey? Andrew.
That was beautiful.
Thanks, Mom.
Wash your hands.
Dinner'll be ready in 15 minutes.
I gotta finish my science project, Mom.
What's your project, son? To build a small but powerful TV antenna so I can pick up signals from real far away, you know, like Sacramento, Oakland.
Science is important, but dinner's important too.
Fifteen minutes.
Dinner.
This has been a close game from the start, as both teams need a victory tonight.
These home fans really show a lot of spirit.
Idaho brings the ball down the court.
They drive toward the basket.
They shoot- No, it's off the rim! It's out! It's still Idaho leading, 38-32.
Holy cow! I got Idaho! These fans are going wild! Aloha, aloha, aloha! It's Kiahuna Pete! Yes, folks, if you can find a better deal than right here at Kiahuna Pete's, Hawaii? I will personally eat a pineapple- yes, skin, leaves, the works! Oh, here's a fixer-upper.
Owned by a little old lady from Pomona Valley- Dad! Dad! Come here, quick! Dad! Dad! Hurry up, hurry up! I got China, Dad! I picked up China! China? I think you mean Chinatown, son.
No! Really! Look! I got Idaho, and then I got Hawaii, and now China! My antenna works! It really works! It looks like China.
This'll have to be- No.
Okay, you know- Yeah, you have to- No, you put that in after.
All right.
All right- Hey, be careful when you put that in.
Not too much.
Oh! Last night my antenna got this really clear picture.
Our antenna, Brain.
You keep forgetting this is a team project.
Yeah, because you two aren't helping.
But you kicked us out of your house last night.
Because you aren't helping.
Yeah, well, you think you're helping with this "I got China" stuff? I did! Pass the hydrochloric, please.
Yeah, yeah.
We're all probably gonna get three F's.
Hey, George, this is the Brain talking.
If he says he's got it, he's got it.
Look, if you want to you can come over tonight and see for yourselves.
Tonight? Yeah.
I don't know.
Why not? Well, uh, I read the listings, and there's nothing good on in China.
Whoa, whoa.
Uh-oh.
Boy, look at that.
It's amazing.
Give me a break.
It worked yesterday.
Here, let me help you.
George! Hands off! Well, hey, it's a team project! - Hey! Wait a minute! Freeze! What's going on? - What's happening? Hey! Watch it! Hey, freeze.
Freeze! What is it? It's not from China.
It's not from Earth.
Wow.
What? You know what this is? It's a signal from another planet.
Who knows how strong this antenna is? If it picked up China, why not? If he's right, we'll all get A's! The way I figure it, the closest sun that can support a solar system like ours is ten light-years away.
You mean, this signal was transmitted from another planet, like, ten years ago? Exactly! Oh, Ricky! All right, Brain, this time you've gone too far.
Okay, Jimmy, you explain it.
Do they look and talk like anything you've ever seen? You have any idea what they're doing? - Yeah, I think I do.
- What? Well, this is gonna sound crazy, but I think they're doing I Love Lucy.
I Love Lucy? You're nuts! Yeah.
Yeah, I've seen this episode a million times.
Now watch, here come the Mertzes.
Their furnace just blew up.
Ohh! Is this possible? We're getting their transmission from 10 years ago.
They must have gotten ours from 20 or more.
Listen.
It's the same song.
L-I can't believe this.
W-We're actually watching TV from outer space.
Got any nachos? Burns and Allen.
Six shows, six rip-offs.
Why don't they make up their own shows? I don't know.
Maybe it's not a funny planet.
Good night, Gracie.
Hmm.
Bye! Guys, come here.
Hey, looks like astronauts.
Yeah.
Wonder where they're going.
Hey! That looks familiar.
It should, Jim.
It's Earth.
Earth? We're Earth.
Hollywood.
My God.
They're coming here! Why? I don't know.
Everybody comes here.
Hollywood.
Grauman's Chinese Theater.
Vine Street.
Hey, these- these are the old TV stars that they love: Lucy, Milton Berle, Jackie Gleason.
Maybe they're coming to get their autographs.
What are we gonna do? Nothing.
Hey, Jimmy, we got aliens coming to Hollywood.
These signals take 10 years to get here.
This all happened 10 years ago.
Yeah, but they took off 10 years ago.
I mean, when they land is anyone's guess.
You'd have to figure out where they're coming from, how fast- No, no.
No.
Look.
September 13, 1985.
That's tonight! They're coming tonight.
All right, look for people that look like they're from another planet.
Everyone looks like they're from another planet.
Maybe we can try- Excuse me.
No.
What are we gonna do? We're never gonna find 'em.
It's them.
We found 'em.
Can we go home now? Yeah.
Don't be afraid.
We're not gonna hurt you.
It's okay.
What's that? Andy, play it back.
What is it? It's an old TV signal.
NBC.
Wow.
Temperatures are expected to reach a high of 94 here- Okay, here we are.
There we go.
Okay, who gets the cheeseburger? Me.
Okay.
Who gets the hamburger? All right.
For you.
This is well-done.
Right? One for you too.
Whoops.
Sorry about that.
And I guess you get what's left.
Right? Right.
Here you are.
Thank you very much.
Mmm! Oh! No, no, no, no.
Like this.
Ohh! Good thing we ordered the large.
Ohh! Sugar on a hamburger? How gross.
Ah.
I think we're gonna need some more hamburgers.
These guys look hungry enough to eat a horse.
Horse! - Horse.
- Horse? LittleJoe.
LittleJoe? Hop Sing! Ponderosa! Ponderosa! Hop Sing! A real spaceship! R.
F.
D.
Seven.
Stinkola moronica.
Why don't we pay for this with this quick-drying melted rubber? Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Why, you- Come on! Oh, don't do that! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Oh, he broke it I hope! No, he didn't.
Oh! Why, you- Waa-waa-waa-waa-waa! Get outta here! Oh! Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo! Me Moe! Me Moe! They must really trust us to bring us here.
We must really trust them to come.
Yeah.
I can't believe we're actually on a spaceship.
Boy, what I wouldn't give for just one picture.
Thanks.
Movie star tour! Tour of the stars' homes! Real movie stars! Live! Why are we doing this? They're tourists.
They'll love it.
Don't worry.
They'll fit right in.
You wish.
Step up, please.
Step up.
Tickets, please.
Tickets.
Thank you very much.
Watch your step here.
Tickets, please.
Ralph Kramden! Thank you very much.
Find a comfortable seat.
Enjoy the tour.
Tickets, please.
If you look out the right side of the bus, you'll see the home of America's number-one funny man, Mr.
Morey Amsterdam.
Yes, there's Morey Amsterdam's home.
Hey! Is that the new Polaroid? Could it be? Well, I think it is! Ladies and gentlemen, look out the left side of the bus.
It's Uncle Miltie himself! How about that? What's going on? Who's that guy? It's Milton Berle.
He's one of the biggest comedy stars TV ever had.
Uncle Miltie! Bye-bye! Hi, Uncle Miltie! I love you.
There's a switch.
Somebody stealing from Berle? They don't mean to bother you, Mr.
Berle.
They're just real big fans of yours.
What do they want? Autographs? I do not understand one word they said.
Hey! Oh! Stop it- Tell me, fellas, what do they want? It's kinda hard to explain.
Um, you see, they love the TV shows that you used to make.
And now they want you to go back with them to make some more.
- What are they doing now? - Negotiating.
Negotiating.
Oh.
Well, thank you.
Gave me a cigar.
Thank you very, very much.
You're very cute.
Uh-oh.
That is the worst cigar I ever smoked.
Will you forget it.
Forget it! I cannot work in a place that doesn't have a decent cigar.
Guys? Guys, he said no.
No! - How are we gonna get them to understand? - Leave it to me.
Booked.
Too busy.
Ohh! I believe they understood me.
We've gotta do something.
They're really depressed.
Nobody would go home with them.
We never should have told them Lucy and Desi split up.
It's gonna be a long trip home.
I'll get it.
Wonderful! Come in! All right, now don't push.
Take it easy.
I get paid weekly.
Very weakly.
Look at it.
I love it! Just like home! I told her her stockings were wrinkled.
She said she wasn't wearing any stockings! Who are these guys? My mother was frightened by a porcupine! Ho-ho! Vaudevillians.
Where did you get 'em? My grandfather's senior citizen club.
They're kinda old.
Nobody else was available! Besides, they've agreed to go back home with them.
Hi! I'm Professor Feathers, bringing you sounds and songs of field and stream.
The mallard drake.
The Pacific eider duck.
The blue-winged teal.
The California mockingbird.
Now the typewriter.
Ding! Ding.
Ladies and gentlemen, my new national anthem! Words and music by me! My name is Jack Spoons, formerly with Billy Rose's Diamond Horseshoe.
Take it away, my boy.
Wow! Wow! Whoa! Wow! Wow! Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Take care.
Thank you.
Thank you three boys and- Thank you very much.
Let's go, Jerry.
You guys are funny.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Those old vaudeville guys sure are lucky.
They really are.
They'll never believe us.
Who cares? Think they'll ever come back? They love our talent.
Andrew! No reason why they won't come back and get more.
What's going on up there? Hey, what you doin'? Practicing.
That was beautiful.
Thanks, Mom.
Wash your hands.
Dinner'll be ready in 15 minutes.
I gotta finish my science project, Mom.
What's your project, son? To build a small but powerful TV antenna so I can pick up signals from real far away, you know, like Sacramento, Oakland.
Science is important, but dinner's important too.
Fifteen minutes.
Dinner.
This has been a close game from the start, as both teams need a victory tonight.
These home fans really show a lot of spirit.
Idaho brings the ball down the court.
They drive toward the basket.
They shoot- No, it's off the rim! It's out! It's still Idaho leading, 38-32.
Holy cow! I got Idaho! These fans are going wild! Aloha, aloha, aloha! It's Kiahuna Pete! Yes, folks, if you can find a better deal than right here at Kiahuna Pete's, Hawaii? I will personally eat a pineapple- yes, skin, leaves, the works! Oh, here's a fixer-upper.
Owned by a little old lady from Pomona Valley- Dad! Dad! Come here, quick! Dad! Dad! Hurry up, hurry up! I got China, Dad! I picked up China! China? I think you mean Chinatown, son.
No! Really! Look! I got Idaho, and then I got Hawaii, and now China! My antenna works! It really works! It looks like China.
This'll have to be- No.
Okay, you know- Yeah, you have to- No, you put that in after.
All right.
All right- Hey, be careful when you put that in.
Not too much.
Oh! Last night my antenna got this really clear picture.
Our antenna, Brain.
You keep forgetting this is a team project.
Yeah, because you two aren't helping.
But you kicked us out of your house last night.
Because you aren't helping.
Yeah, well, you think you're helping with this "I got China" stuff? I did! Pass the hydrochloric, please.
Yeah, yeah.
We're all probably gonna get three F's.
Hey, George, this is the Brain talking.
If he says he's got it, he's got it.
Look, if you want to you can come over tonight and see for yourselves.
Tonight? Yeah.
I don't know.
Why not? Well, uh, I read the listings, and there's nothing good on in China.
Whoa, whoa.
Uh-oh.
Boy, look at that.
It's amazing.
Give me a break.
It worked yesterday.
Here, let me help you.
George! Hands off! Well, hey, it's a team project! - Hey! Wait a minute! Freeze! What's going on? - What's happening? Hey! Watch it! Hey, freeze.
Freeze! What is it? It's not from China.
It's not from Earth.
Wow.
What? You know what this is? It's a signal from another planet.
Who knows how strong this antenna is? If it picked up China, why not? If he's right, we'll all get A's! The way I figure it, the closest sun that can support a solar system like ours is ten light-years away.
You mean, this signal was transmitted from another planet, like, ten years ago? Exactly! Oh, Ricky! All right, Brain, this time you've gone too far.
Okay, Jimmy, you explain it.
Do they look and talk like anything you've ever seen? You have any idea what they're doing? - Yeah, I think I do.
- What? Well, this is gonna sound crazy, but I think they're doing I Love Lucy.
I Love Lucy? You're nuts! Yeah.
Yeah, I've seen this episode a million times.
Now watch, here come the Mertzes.
Their furnace just blew up.
Ohh! Is this possible? We're getting their transmission from 10 years ago.
They must have gotten ours from 20 or more.
Listen.
It's the same song.
L-I can't believe this.
W-We're actually watching TV from outer space.
Got any nachos? Burns and Allen.
Six shows, six rip-offs.
Why don't they make up their own shows? I don't know.
Maybe it's not a funny planet.
Good night, Gracie.
Hmm.
Bye! Guys, come here.
Hey, looks like astronauts.
Yeah.
Wonder where they're going.
Hey! That looks familiar.
It should, Jim.
It's Earth.
Earth? We're Earth.
Hollywood.
My God.
They're coming here! Why? I don't know.
Everybody comes here.
Hollywood.
Grauman's Chinese Theater.
Vine Street.
Hey, these- these are the old TV stars that they love: Lucy, Milton Berle, Jackie Gleason.
Maybe they're coming to get their autographs.
What are we gonna do? Nothing.
Hey, Jimmy, we got aliens coming to Hollywood.
These signals take 10 years to get here.
This all happened 10 years ago.
Yeah, but they took off 10 years ago.
I mean, when they land is anyone's guess.
You'd have to figure out where they're coming from, how fast- No, no.
No.
Look.
September 13, 1985.
That's tonight! They're coming tonight.
All right, look for people that look like they're from another planet.
Everyone looks like they're from another planet.
Maybe we can try- Excuse me.
No.
What are we gonna do? We're never gonna find 'em.
It's them.
We found 'em.
Can we go home now? Yeah.
Don't be afraid.
We're not gonna hurt you.
It's okay.
What's that? Andy, play it back.
What is it? It's an old TV signal.
NBC.
Wow.
Temperatures are expected to reach a high of 94 here- Okay, here we are.
There we go.
Okay, who gets the cheeseburger? Me.
Okay.
Who gets the hamburger? All right.
For you.
This is well-done.
Right? One for you too.
Whoops.
Sorry about that.
And I guess you get what's left.
Right? Right.
Here you are.
Thank you very much.
Mmm! Oh! No, no, no, no.
Like this.
Ohh! Good thing we ordered the large.
Ohh! Sugar on a hamburger? How gross.
Ah.
I think we're gonna need some more hamburgers.
These guys look hungry enough to eat a horse.
Horse! - Horse.
- Horse? LittleJoe.
LittleJoe? Hop Sing! Ponderosa! Ponderosa! Hop Sing! A real spaceship! R.
F.
D.
Seven.
Stinkola moronica.
Why don't we pay for this with this quick-drying melted rubber? Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Why, you- Come on! Oh, don't do that! Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Oh, he broke it I hope! No, he didn't.
Oh! Why, you- Waa-waa-waa-waa-waa! Get outta here! Oh! Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo! Me Moe! Me Moe! They must really trust us to bring us here.
We must really trust them to come.
Yeah.
I can't believe we're actually on a spaceship.
Boy, what I wouldn't give for just one picture.
Thanks.
Movie star tour! Tour of the stars' homes! Real movie stars! Live! Why are we doing this? They're tourists.
They'll love it.
Don't worry.
They'll fit right in.
You wish.
Step up, please.
Step up.
Tickets, please.
Tickets.
Thank you very much.
Watch your step here.
Tickets, please.
Ralph Kramden! Thank you very much.
Find a comfortable seat.
Enjoy the tour.
Tickets, please.
If you look out the right side of the bus, you'll see the home of America's number-one funny man, Mr.
Morey Amsterdam.
Yes, there's Morey Amsterdam's home.
Hey! Is that the new Polaroid? Could it be? Well, I think it is! Ladies and gentlemen, look out the left side of the bus.
It's Uncle Miltie himself! How about that? What's going on? Who's that guy? It's Milton Berle.
He's one of the biggest comedy stars TV ever had.
Uncle Miltie! Bye-bye! Hi, Uncle Miltie! I love you.
There's a switch.
Somebody stealing from Berle? They don't mean to bother you, Mr.
Berle.
They're just real big fans of yours.
What do they want? Autographs? I do not understand one word they said.
Hey! Oh! Stop it- Tell me, fellas, what do they want? It's kinda hard to explain.
Um, you see, they love the TV shows that you used to make.
And now they want you to go back with them to make some more.
- What are they doing now? - Negotiating.
Negotiating.
Oh.
Well, thank you.
Gave me a cigar.
Thank you very, very much.
You're very cute.
Uh-oh.
That is the worst cigar I ever smoked.
Will you forget it.
Forget it! I cannot work in a place that doesn't have a decent cigar.
Guys? Guys, he said no.
No! - How are we gonna get them to understand? - Leave it to me.
Booked.
Too busy.
Ohh! I believe they understood me.
We've gotta do something.
They're really depressed.
Nobody would go home with them.
We never should have told them Lucy and Desi split up.
It's gonna be a long trip home.
I'll get it.
Wonderful! Come in! All right, now don't push.
Take it easy.
I get paid weekly.
Very weakly.
Look at it.
I love it! Just like home! I told her her stockings were wrinkled.
She said she wasn't wearing any stockings! Who are these guys? My mother was frightened by a porcupine! Ho-ho! Vaudevillians.
Where did you get 'em? My grandfather's senior citizen club.
They're kinda old.
Nobody else was available! Besides, they've agreed to go back home with them.
Hi! I'm Professor Feathers, bringing you sounds and songs of field and stream.
The mallard drake.
The Pacific eider duck.
The blue-winged teal.
The California mockingbird.
Now the typewriter.
Ding! Ding.
Ladies and gentlemen, my new national anthem! Words and music by me! My name is Jack Spoons, formerly with Billy Rose's Diamond Horseshoe.
Take it away, my boy.
Wow! Wow! Whoa! Wow! Wow! Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Take care.
Thank you.
Thank you three boys and- Thank you very much.
Let's go, Jerry.
You guys are funny.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Thank you.
Those old vaudeville guys sure are lucky.
They really are.
They'll never believe us.
Who cares? Think they'll ever come back? They love our talent.
Andrew! No reason why they won't come back and get more.
What's going on up there? Hey, what you doin'? Practicing.