Angel s01e07 Episode Script

So that's it, then? That's your exciting plan for this evening? A book? - I get enough excitement.
- Of the evil-fighting variety.
- But how about a little off-duty fun? - Such as? Two beautiful words: Sports bar.
They have trivia games on the Internet now.
You can challenge drunks around the world.
Anything! I just can't sit around while-- While I steal into the night with my more-wealthy-than-you prince? Makes your little life look a tad drab, doesn't it? His wealth won't necessarily make you happy.
Pierce has a lot more than money.
He has a home in Montecito a Mercedes CLK 320 and a place in the Hills with a lap pool.
Since you put it that way.
If I'm not here in the morning, clear out my desk.
I'll be moving on up.
Wow.
You look amazing.
Do I? Great.
Let's go.
What's your hurry? You didn't even introduce us.
Angel.
Doyle.
Pierce.
Bye.
You work, Pierce? I trade.
Futures and options markets.
Good, good.
Out for dinner? Le Petit Renard.
Oh, right.
Nice spot.
Duck is dry.
So how late will you be? Don't wait up.
Don't mind them.
She won't fall for my ample but unpretentious charms, will she? If that means you don't brag about your family's old money.
The only money in my family is underneath the couch cushions.
And half of them are demons.
If Cordy found out about that, my chances would be worse than zero.
Wow! She's something.
- This an old squeeze of yours? - Yeah.
How does she feel about men with an Irish accent? Buffy? Yeah.
I'm sorry.
- There's a young guy.
- Where? Vampires have a nest downtown.
Poor kid's gonna be the entrée.
Let's go.
Come on.
Everybody's got dinner plans but us.
You have to study weather trends to make a good play in agriculture markets.
And once you do, you'll never look at a soybean the same way again.
God.
Listen to me.
- I'm not boring you, am I? - I don't mind.
Like today, there was heavy trading, lean hog options.
The spread dropped about 1700 points.
I mean, in November, it was at six cents.
So I sold at six and an eighth of a cent.
Six and an eighth.
Can you imagine anything more exciting than that? Let's get out of here! Man, I hate that.
I was about to do that.
Better get this guy home.
- You're stronger when you're a demon.
- I don't like to fight like that.
- Nobody expects you to fight fair.
- It's just not my style.
That's all.
- You want me to go with you? - I can handle it.
I'm sorry you're sick.
I was hoping we'd make a night of it.
Me too.
I really wanted to hear the end of the story about the pigs and beans.
Don't you want me to take you home? - My car's here.
- Oh, wait.
Let me walk you.
I'm not really sure about this neighborhood.
You're right.
It's crappy.
Hey! I'm the one you followed here.
Stay close.
You'll get your turn.
Are you okay? I'm fine.
That was.
You were so brave.
Say that again without so much shock.
You're stepping on my manliness.
I'm sorry.
- I'm just-- - Surprised? Grateful.
So here I am at Le Petit Renard with Mr.
Armani who could keep me in blue boxes for the rest of my life.
Blue boxes? Tiffany's.
God! The whole night, I was bored silly.
I thought, if this wimp saw a monster he'd probably throw a shoe at it and run like a weasel.
The shoe part was giving him too much credit.
There aren't very many people who wouldn't run.
Yeah.
But all of a sudden, rich and handsome isn't enough for me.
Now I expect a guy to be all brave and interesting.
It's your fault.
Both of you.
Maybe you're changing.
That could be good.
Or disastrous.
As if I wasn't confused enough then Doyle comes along and rescues me like some badly dressed superhero.
He was really beat up.
But you know the first thing he asked? "Are you okay?" I mean, that's like substance, right? Well, there's definitely more to Doyle than meets the eye.
So I've gotta kill myself.
I swore when I went out with Xander Harris I'd rather die than date a fixer-upper again.
Still, maybe you're right.
Maybe Doyle does have hidden depths.
I mean, really, really hidden, but depths.
I have to buy him a mochaccino for saving my life.
- Well, I-- - We'll be back in a half.
You watch the phones, okay? I'm the one you followed.
It's me you want.
Huh? Fangs for the memories, vamp man.
Hey, I was just.
- You know, that was-- - An incredible spaz attack? Good.
So you were.
- what can I do for you? - Well, I was thinking that maybe I haven't been entirely fair to you.
Maybe you don't actually have zero potential.
Wow, Cordelia.
Thanks.
That's not-- What I'm trying to say is that I really appreciate what you did last night.
And I was thinking maybe we could-- This is Angel Investigations.
But we're in the middle of something.
Can you give us five minutes? Hey, Francis.
Harry.
Francis? Where have you been? Around.
Kiribati, Togo, Uzbekistan.
And a few spots that were a little less touristy.
Who's Francis? That would be me.
Allen Francis Doyle.
Cordelia this is Harry my wife.
Sorry about the surprise.
I would've called first - but I was afraid-- - I'd run off? - It's not my style.
Remember? - But it's mine? Do you want me to remind you who fired the starter pistol? No.
Let's not, okay? Let's just hug and be happy to see each other.
- You look good.
- Yep, you too.
Still living it up? Drinking's no good for you.
You know me, I'm a fun-loving guy.
- What's going on? - Angel, come meet Doyle's wife.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
Cool offices.
I'm a private investigator.
This is my company.
These two are my helpers.
That-- Ouch.
You two were married? Were and still, according to the paperwork.
- So it was a green-card thing.
- Nope.
It was a madly-in-love couldn't-live-without- each-other kind of thing.
I guess times change.
Here we are, four years later, living just fine.
So why are you here, exactly? Maybe we could talk alone.
- You were gonna stay in the car.
- I know, but I admit curiosity got the better of me.
Richard Straley.
I've heard so much about you.
You didn't tell me how handsome he was.
- I'm not-- - No, you are.
Really.
I'm not Doyle.
He is.
That's more like it.
Not that you're not a very good-looking man.
Richard, just shake his hand.
Sorry, I'm not myself, what with the wedding a few days off.
There's a wedding? - I wasn't supposed to say that yet? - No, please.
Go on.
Cordelia, let's go through those reports.
What? What reports? What? - I just-- - Hon-bun, I'll handle this from here.
Sorry.
I just want us all to be friends.
And we will be.
- But I need a moment alone with him.
- Sure.
You got it.
- "Hon-bun"? - I didn't want you to hear it that way.
- You're marrying that guy? - I know, it's wild, huh? I'm definitely the yin to his yang.
But it works.
He's got a good heart, just like you.
Maybe, but the container: "Can I get a side of bland with that bland?" I'm not here for your approval.
Then why? To see my face when I found out? See if it cut? Of course not.
I would never.
I just.
I need you to sign these.
Divorce papers.
It had to happen.
One of us-- Maybe I should get my people to look over these before I go ahead and just make sure I'm not buying an ostrich farm.
Sure.
Tell your people that I'll come back for them in a few days.
It's good to see you again, Francis.
It's Doyle now.
It's just Doyle.
No? Harry's right.
This stuff does me no good.
So, you two hadn't been in touch at all since you split up? Oh, the end was rough.
We weren't even 20 when we got married.
Crazy about each other.
When things go wrong, you don't say: "Thanks for the blender.
I wish you well.
" You fight.
You tear each other apart until one of you can't take it.
She did the walking.
But she had reason.
I wasn't exactly the man she married.
- I changed.
- You were kids.
It's only natural.
To sneeze and sprout demon face? That's decidedly unnatural.
You didn't tell her? I didn't know.
I never met my dad.
He was the demon.
My mom figured she'd wait to see if I got his genes before she got confessional.
- So your demon self didn't present-- - Until I was 21.
And Harry and I were talking about having kids of our own.
Put a damper on that discussion.
That's tough.
I'm sorry.
It's probably best in the long run.
I'm too much of a wild man to be the stay-at-home type anyway.
This Richard, he looks like - he could give her a good life.
- Yeah.
Seems like a nice, friendly fella.
Don't you think? Definitely friendly.
Only, he seemed a bit-- Exactly! I knew he was no good.
Even though we're ex, it's still my duty to watch over her, right? But I can't go trailing after her intended myself.
Just wouldn't look right.
- Do you think you would--? - Yeah.
Just don't tell Cordelia.
She'll want to charge you.
You can't wait to see what I just bought.
What is it? For the honeymoon? How small do you think a nightie would have to be to fit into one of these tiny boxes? Yes.
Don't move.
I'll be right back.
What are you doing? Right there, pumpkin.
- Angel, stop! - He's a demon! Well, yeah.
You know? Honey.
- He had a knife.
- That was for the box strings.
What about the package from that man? You followed him? That was for the restaurant.
We serve a lot of delicacies: Frogs' legs, quail tongues, which isn't illegal per se-- You don't have to explain, Richard.
Doyle put you up to this, right? Man! Years go by, nothing changes.
Doyle decides what I need-- Now, now.
It's understandable, honey.
He can't help but want to know you'll be in good hands.
I am in the best hands.
Richard and his family own this restaurant.
They're Ano-Movic demons.
Peaceful clan.
Totally assimilated into our culture.
Harry is an ethnodemonologist.
We met while she was scouting clans in North America.
You study demons? That's your profession? - Do you have a problem with that? - No, I just.
Doyle said-- That when he went through his change, I freaked.
Which is true.
But after, I adjusted, and I realized here's this whole rich, interesting world just waiting to be explored.
- But you didn't tell him that.
- Of course I did.
I even tried to get him to go out, meet other demons.
But he couldn't accept himself.
Or them.
So then he was just angry and pretty much a bitch to live with.
He's a demon? And she's all signed on to be Mrs.
Demon? - Tell me again how ugly he is.
- Here it is.
Ano-Movic.
"Once a nomadic tribe.
At one point, they did have violent leanings.
" I knew that nice-guy routine was an act.
He's working a spell on her.
She's gonna sprout hubcaps from her head.
"--gave up those orthodox teachings, language around the turn of the century.
" Now they own a number of restaurants with pretty expensive windows.
I intend to chip in on that.
All that time, Harry was going on about what an amazing thing my demon half could be, the worlds it opened up to us.
I thought she was just trying to make me feel better.
I thought she was pitying me.
But it was true.
I just wasn't listening.
Harry didn't leave because of the demon in me.
She left because of me.
- Thank you, Doyle.
- Yes.
Thank you.
You don't know what this means to me.
I guess you do, seeing as you were married once, to Harry no less.
- Do you have a copier? - Yeah.
It's in Angel's office.
Cordelia will help you.
Harry's an amazing girl, isn't she? Doyle, I'm glad we have some man-to-man time.
Richard wanted a moment alone with Doyle to ask him to his bachelor party.
Why? Is he afraid he ordered too much beer? Richard and his family want Doyle's blessing.
They're sweet demons very into good vibes all around.
They do sound nice.
His mom told me to invite friends to my shower but I've only been hanging with her.
You're the first girl I've met here under 370 years old.
- Do you want--? - I'd love to.
It would mean a lot to me but, more than that, it would mean the world to Harry if you came.
Do we have to have the buffalo wings? We could have a foie gras.
It's a bachelor party, Rich.
You're supposed to eat bad and drink beer.
Don't forget the girl who does the striptease.
What? Like I don't know.
- Just make sure all she does is tease.
- Mom, I don't even want-- It's your party and we're gonna have fun whether you like it or not.
I just hope it doesn't create a bad impression with Doyle.
- Who's Doyle? - Harry's first husband.
Richard invited him.
He's really very sweet.
I think you'll all enjoy him.
All right.
Fine, fine.
Dancing girl.
I submit.
Now, where were we? Oh, let's see.
First we greet the man of the hour.
Then we drink, bring out the food, then drink.
Then comes the stripper.
Darts the ritual eating of the first husband's brains and then charades.
Wait.
What was that? - Charades? - Yeah, I don't know about that.
Really? I think it'd be fun.
All right.
- Hey, Francis.
- Doyle.
Oh, sorry, sorry.
Everybody - this is Doyle.
- Hey, Doyle.
And he brought someone.
Angel? Hey, this is a surprise.
Yeah, I thought I'd use the door this time.
I asked him to come.
- I hope that's okay.
- Sure it is.
Now the party can really start, huh? This night is for Doyle as much as it is for me.
More, even.
He's the real bachelor here.
Thanks for not rubbing that in, by the way.
Let's set you up with a beverage.
To Harry.
Harry.
What was she like, Doyle? - Like? - Back in the old days.
The years you had with her, the ones I missed.
Tell me everything.
It was a nightmare.
Well, maybe not at first.
Initially, I really liked the way he took charge.
Doyle? Took charge? It was sweet.
But after a while, I mean I know how to cut my own meat, thanks.
Sometimes, it felt like I was one of his students.
For a moment, I thought you said one of Doyle's students? It wasn't fun being treated like a third grader.
Grade third taught Doyle.
Doyle taught third grade? - The kind with children? - Well, yeah.
He wasn't held back and used that as a cover story? Francis got his teaching credentials before we even met at the food bank.
Okay.
Soup kitchen.
Now that sounds like the Doyle I've come to know and revile.
- You're about to tell me he ran it.
- He was just a volunteer.
That's where he got the idea for the "We Are The World" thing.
I'm kidding.
Come on, girls.
It's pornographic Pictionary time.
Their ways are not our ways.
I have a confession to make.
Ever since I learned that Harry was married, I felt like I've been living in your shadow.
- Really? - You were something I can never be for her.
Her first.
She'll always love you, Francis.
Always.
But she needs different things now.
I know I can make her happy.
But I need you to be a part of it.
Me? I have to have your blessing, Doyle.
Without it, there won't be any marriage.
It's time, dude.
Oh, fellas.
Are you okay? Yeah.
- Hello? - It's Angel.
Where are you? In another world known as the 818 area code.
Why? Let me speak to Harry, Hang on.
It's for you.
It's Angel.
Hello? How's your Aratuscan? Rusty, considering it's a dead demonic language.
Guess again.
I need a translation.
What's going on, Angel? I don't know yet.
Look into it for me.
I guess I could check the family library.
Thanks.
Oh, hey.
Excuse me.
- What's your problem? - There's no problem.
- Are you disrespecting me? - No.
So now I'm a liar? Man can't hold his liquor.
See you later.
Thanks a lot, fellas.
I hope Harry doesn't hear about that.
Not from me she won't.
Yeah, I know.
You're a good half-man.
So have you given any thought to what we discussed? Yeah.
And I gotta tell you, I've had a lot to regret in my life but nothing more than the way things went with Harry.
I should have made her happy.
And I didn't.
And now, well, we both have a second chance.
Her to be happy and me not to stand in the way.
What I'm trying to say to you is that I give you my blessing, Richard.
I bless you.
So long as we skip the hug thing.
Hey, everyone, great news.
Doyle gives his blessing.
He consents.
Doyle! A toast to Doyle.
To Doyle.
- Doyle! - Let's go! No hugs now.
We had an understanding.
We have something for you.
What? Guys, this is great, really.
But I can't reach the pretzels.
I want to say how incredibly moved I am by your sacrifice.
I hope that doesn't make me less of a man in your eyes.
Sacrifice? Okay, this can't be good.
Ouch! - My head's going numb.
- I should hope so.
We don't want you to suffer when we cut into your skull.
That can't be right.
- What? - Something about ingesting past love.
Wouldn't Doyle be your past love? Excuse me, ladies.
What is it, honey? It's about the bachelor party.
Richard said having the former husband present was some sort of tradition.
I was just wondering-- Well, they're certainly not going to eat your ex-husband's brains.
For instance.
Oh, God.
Where's Angel? Angel! He started a fight.
He had to be ejected.
Can I get you anything? - How will you explain this to Harry? - She'll understand.
She loves and accepts our culture like she did yours.
- Nick, what's this? - You said get a utensil.
He's gonna eat the guy's brains with a shrimp fork? Pardon me if our ancient ancestors didn't leave behind any former-husband-brain-eating forks.
Get a soup spoon, you moron.
Bear with us.
We're a little fuzzy on the etiquette.
This hasn't been done in centuries.
It's been so long since a clan member's married a divorcée.
The accursed books tell us plainly that ingesting a priorly married prospective bride's former primary mate's brains will ensure a happy second marriage.
This way, Richie can incorporate the love you and Harry shared making their union whole.
It's an Ano-Movic thing.
Don't ask.
As much as I like your family-- They're great, honest.
--I'd really prefer if they didn't cannibalize me.
Oh, no.
You misunderstand.
- I do? - Yeah, it'll just be me.
Why don't I give you that hug and we can call it even? You're not trying to back out are you? Not after you gave your blessing.
Yeah, I take it back! Well, I see.
Now I'm not so sure I even want to eat your brains.
Don't be petulant.
You'll eat his brains.
He can't take back a blessing.
Now apologize to your friend.
He's right.
That was rude.
I'd be honored to eat your brains.
I guess we're ready.
Richard, would you care to make the first cut? Party's over.
You brought a vampire to my brother's bachelor party? Harry says I should mix with other demons, I'll mix.
Stop it! Stop it right this instant! Hon-bun? This is for guys only.
I know what you're up to, Richard Howard Straley.
The stripper wasn't my idea, pook.
I swear.
Not the stripper, Richard.
There was a stripper? You really shouldn't be here.
You shouldn't be eating my friend's brains you horrible, ugly demon people.
Cordelia.
It's okay.
It is so not okay.
Doyle! Oh, look what they did to you! I am only going to ask you this once, and I expect a straight answer.
Were you or were you not intending to eat my ex-husband's brains? In a way.
- When were you planning on telling me? - I thought maybe I wouldn't have to.
You were gonna start our life together with deceit? Sort of missing the point.
I was trying to bless our marriage, like in the ancient teachings.
Your family follows the ancient teachings? We don't flaunt our beliefs, but they're dear to us.
Oh, please.
When's the last time you pried yourself away from ESPN long enough to spill the blood of a she-goat? Are you gonna let her talk to him like that? You know how I feel about these barbaric Ano-Movician customs.
Racist! You're nothing but a racist! I should've told you.
But unless we complete the ritual my family will never consent to the marriage.
Never.
Hon-bun? One word, Francis, just one, and I'll eat your brains.
You don't need her anyway.
Yeah.
Who wants a wife whose knees only bend the one way? - So he spoke to her.
- Yeah.
Didn't go too well, huh? I think she just needs some time.
He's still really hung up on her, isn't he? More than he knew, probably, yeah.
Well, someone has to go out there and cheer him up.
Oh, please.
Someone with a heartbeat.
Hi, Doyle.
Are you gonna become loser-pining guy now because we already have one of those around the office.
- Hey.
- Hey.
He can get away with it.
He's tall.
Look at the way clothes hang on him.
I think you've cheered us up enough.
You can't live in the past.
You gotta move on.
Let it go.
Tomorrow's another day.
Did I mention letting it go? Twice.
You'll get through this.
Nice guys don't always finish last.
- You think I'm a nice guy? - I think it, I say it.
It's my way.
- Thanks.
- Feeling better? - Yeah.
- Yeah? - Not my fault.
- He's having a vision.
At this hour? What? What did you see?