Average Joe (2023) s01e07 Episode Script

1
- Doing great.
Legs up.
Don't cheat.
How much longer, baby?
- Uhabout ten seconds.
Got to make sure
my swimmers get
to the right side of the pool.
- Mm-hmm.
- Andtime.
Right.
- Hey, Lee, what if
it ain't you?
What if it's me?
What if I can't get pregnant?
We've been trying for a year.
♪
And I know
you always wanted kids.
- Baby, we will get pregnant
when the time is right.
Regardless,
no matter what happens,
you're the only thing
I ever wanted,
and I got you.
- You bet your big
watermelon head you did.
- Mm.
- I love you.
- I love you.
Now assume the position.
Come on.
Let's go, let's go!
Hello?
Uh, yeah, doctor.
Yeah, her test results,
all right.
My guys are excellent swimmers.
Great.
My wife?
Absolute uterine factor
infertility, I--
what exactly does that mean?
♪
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
S--
So we can't ever have a kid?
Yeah, I, um--we understand.
♪
- Hey.
- Hey!
You did some damage,
didn't you?
- I did.
But most of it is for you.
- For me?
- I got you some sweaters
- Mm-hmm.
- And, um, some new shoes,
and--ooh, okay, hold on here.
And this is for you, too.
- Ooh, you bet it is.
- What's wrong, baby?
- Let's just, um, sit down.
The doctor called
from the fertility clinic.
And he says that
we are not able to have a baby.
I have a blockage
that is preventing my sperm
from reaching your uterus.
He thinks it's, uh,
some sports accident
from when I was a kid,
and there's no way
he can fix it.
- Baby.
♪
I'm so sorry.
I wish I knew what to say.
It's okay.
I'll be okay.
Just know how much
I love you.
- I love you.
Come here.
Come here, baby.
♪
- So anyway,
all you really need
is two good quality mics
and a laptop.
- Yeah, you know,
I really don't want to hear
any more about
your fucking podcast, Ballato.
I just want to go home, man.
- And go home you shall.
Sergeant Talford is releasing
you from protective custody,
so you're good to go.
Ah, your uniform was
ripped up by the EMTs.
Sorry, not a lot of choices
at the hospital gift shop.
- Delightful.
Ouch.
Get a good look at the shooter?
- Yeah, well, you know, like
I already told the detectives,
it was a big, fat white dude
with dreadlocks
and a Baby Yoda tattoo
on his arm.
- Grogu.
- The fuck did you just say?
- Baby Yoda, his name is Grogu.
- How do you know
that Baby Yoda is a him?
- Everybody knows that.
- Of course they do.
- Oh, your cruiser was towed
back to the precinct,
so I'll have to drive you home.
- Uh, hey, uh, listen,
I need a minute here.
You mind grabbing
yourself something
from the food machines?
Tell me you got it, Joe.
- I got the fucking money.
- Shit, holy shit.
- But nobody's here--
Ange, Jenn, nobody.
And they're not picking up
their phones.
- Fuck.
All right, listen to me.
Um, I'm getting discharged now.
You stay put.
I'll be there
as soon as I can, all right?
Hey, Joe, I can't believe
you found the fucking money!
- Finally.
Where you been?
- Covering our tracks.
- Where's everybody else?
- Um, Leon took Jenn and Ange
to the drugstore.
- Oh, right.
I talked to Touch.
- Oh, good.
So I didn't kill him?
- No, you did not.
Oh, my God.
You found the money!
Yeah.
Oh, shit, well,
where's the rest of it though?
- Rest of it?
- Yeah.
Ten stacks, $100,000 a stack.
That's only $1 million.
- Only $1 million.
Do you hear how crazy you sound
right now, only $1 million?
- I mean, yeah,
but Dimitri said $10 million.
I mean, it's not like
he just picked that number
out of the blue sky.
$10 million is what
Teddy stole.
So where the fuck's
the rest of it?
Dad!
- In here!
- I'm just saying,
we short $9 million, Joe.
- Can't you be grateful
for anything?
- Dad!
Dad!
- Oh, baby.
- What--
- Oh, my God.
- What happened?
Where's your mother?
- They took her.
- What?
- They took her.
They took her.
I don't know.
- What do you me--
- They took her.
They took her.
Let me ask you again,
what happened to Dimitri?
- I don't know.
- No, no, please.
- Not me.
Her.
- No, no, please, please.
Don't do--no.
- Not me.
- No, no, no, no.
- Not me.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
♪
- Please.
No, no, please don't do--
- I found only two teeth.
It's my swing.
I have the fucking yips.
I need to spend more time
on range, huh?
- I told you I don't know!
Please!
- You sick son of a bitch!
- Yeehaw!
Now I am hungry.
Fucking hands off me.
- This does not have to be you.
You have something
these idiots did not have.
Information.
- Don't touch me.
- Separate the man
from the sin.
See him as a grieving father
who needs closure.
You can give that to him
by telling me
who killed his son.
- I know you are protecting
your husband, the plumber.
Save yourself
and your daughter.
Unlock your phone
and called Joe.
- Bitch.
♪
- A podcast is way different
than a vlog.
Vlogs are, like, ancient.
- Yeah, I didn't
fucking ask you.
- See, most podcasts already
include a video element,
which is what the whole
vlog movement was about anyway.
- Uh-huh.
This is me.
- Oh.
- Right here's good.
- Well, hey, if you change
your mind about being a guest,
hey, I-I'd love to have you.
- Yeah.
- It's all about life
on the beat.
It's called "Cop: A Feel."
- Did you just say cop a feel?
- Yeah, "Cop," colon, "A Feel."
If you really think about it--
- Yeah, maybe not.
What the fuck?
Well, hello.
Shit.
- Hiding your dope
in the fish sticks, Touch,
really?
- You shouldn't be here.
Give me the baggie.
- Nope.
- Give me the baggie.
- Back your ass up.
- Fuck. Shit.
- Don't even think about it.
- Well, I'm happy
to share with you, Pam,
if that's what
you're gonna be about.
- Fuck you.
You've been working me
from the jump.
I'm done with your bullshit.
- What are you gonna
do here, Pam?
You gonna arrest me?
- If I have to.
I'll probably shoot you
first though.
But you're used
to that now, right?
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- Just give me the fucking--
- Back the fuck up, Touch!
I'm not fucking with you.
- Okay, right. Fuck.
Take it easy.
Ugh, come on.
- Both hands.
Not a fucking chance.
- Clip into the radiator
or I dump your shit.
- Fine, go ahead.
Okay, fuck, fuck!
Stop!
- Now!
You think I'm fucking with you?
Okay.
Huh? See?
Okay?
- Get your ass over there.
♪
Well, aren't you
little Pammy Preparedness?
Okay?
- Mm-hmm.
- No, no--no, no, no.
Could you not with the chairs?
I just had the floors redone.
- Fuck your floors.
Is that what ties you
to Dimitri,
to Nicolai?
You do 'em solids?
Turn your back,
and they hook you up?
- Get fucked. Okay?
I don't work for those animals.
- So what's the link, Touch?
Huh?
Is it Joe?
His father burns in a fire,
a week later,
bodies are piling up--
three in Joe's house.
- I got nothing to say to you.
- Oh, no?
- Mm.
- Okay.
See what you got here.
♪
Then we wait.
- Fine, we wait.
- Mm-hmm.
- So--so how many
of 'em was there?
- Just the one,
that dead-eyed bitch
from the peanut butter store.
She was--she was fast, Joe,
like, "Kill Bill" fast.
- Did she say anything,
leave a message
or instructions,
or any shit like that?
- No, she just
kept hitting me.
- Did you even try
to fight back, Lee?
- I couldn't.
I mean
she was on me before I even
knew what was happening.
- I knew some shit like this
was gonna happen, fuck.
- Well, then you should have
been there.
- What'd you say to me?
- If you knew something was
gonna happen to your wife, Joe,
then you should have
been there.
She was in pain.
She needed her medicine.
Where were you?
- Who was gonna
get the money, Lee?
I was getting
the fucking money, man!
- Exactly!
You were getting
the fucking money!
If you were so worried
about Angela,
then you would have been there
instead of me!
You are so quick
to blame everybody else
for everything
except yourself.
You need to stop that.
- On three, okay?
- Okay.
- One.
- Agh!
- Ah!
I'm sorry. We just had
to get it out of the way.
Okay, come on.
One, two, three.
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
Okay.
- That's good!
- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- That's good!
- No, I got two more.
I got two more.
That's enough.
- Okay, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just last one.
Last one.
Okay, I didn't mean it.
- Ah.
Okay, all right.
I'm done, I'm done.
Good job, baby.
Good job.
I know, I know, I know.
Okay.
- I love you, you know that?
- I know you do, king.
That's why we got to protect
what we got.
Look, the time is coming
when we gonna have to run.
And it's gonna take
more than a million
for us to vanish proper.
We gotta start thinking
about us,
me and you.
Time's also coming
when we gonna have to choose,
us or them.
♪
I know who I'm choosing.
- My chameleon tells me
your husband is most likely
responsible for my son's death.
It is too late for you.
But let me talk to Joe,
and I promise,
I will not kill your daughter.
This--how you say--
Final offer.
- Call and let Joe decide.
If he's half the man you claim,
he won't let your daughter die.
♪
Unlock.
- Fuck you.
- Ooh, bravo.
I always love girls fight.
Bravo, bravo.
- No Russian!
English, God damn it. English!
- Listen.
There are six armed men between
here and the front door.
Do you really think you can
get past them allalone?
Maybe not--not all of 'em.
- Thank you.
- Ha ha ha.
♪
- Oops.
- Joe.
- Take her to the pool.
Ange!
Sweetheart, where are you?
Joe.
- Wait, talk to me.
Where are you?
Sweetheart, what are you doing?
Answer me.
- They're using Mom's phone.
- Hello, Joe.
You know who this is?
- You motherfucker, you.
Your wife is trying to swim,
but having a hard time.
She doesn't have
much time left.
- I'ma kill you, motherfucker.
I promise you.
Oh, Joe, Joe.
Please, be civilized.
- You listen to me, Nicolai.
Only thing Angela has ever done
was invited your boy
over to our house
and cooked him fucking dinner.
That was it.
- Oh, this is so sweet.
I'm sure she will be missed.
- You don't want her.
I killed Dimitri.
I shot Georgi first,
and then I snapped
your boy's fucking neck.
♪
- Yes, you did.
Yes, you did.
- So you don't want her.
Trade me for her right now.
Trade me for my wife right now.
- And why would I do
such a thing, hm?
It's only a matter of time
before I find you now.
- I can--
I can show you
where I buried Dimitri's body.
- If you lie to me, Joseph
- Louie's Diner on Bell,
two hours.
♪
Once they bring
Ange back, then
Then that's all that matters.
No, come on.
Oh, God.
- Take her out.
- It's almost over now.
- Joe.
No.
When will I see you ♪
Again ♪
♪
When will we share
precious moments ♪
- Everything you touch
turns to shit.
Oh, shit!
- Did Joe kill Dimitri, Touch?
Why? Was it about Teddy?
Or did Dimitri hurt
his little girl?
♪
- Here.
It's money for you.
- Thank you.
Here.
Put it in your mouth,
and the pain will go away.
♪
- Thank you.
- Tell me where Joe is, Touch.
Where is Joe?
Where is Joe?
I can't.
I'm--I'm sorry, Donna.
I'm sorry, baby.
- Sorry for what?
- Fucking sorry.
- Touch. Touch, tell me
why you're sorry.
Sor--sorry for what?
I fucked up.
I'm sorry.
I'm--
I'm so sorry.
- Shit.
- Dad, you can't do this.
- Joe, there has got
to be another way.
- There's no time.
- Think--think about what
Nicolai is gonna do to you.
- I'm trying not to, brother.
♪
- So--so that's it?
You're just gonna give up?
- W-would you listen to her?
Y-you can't just
walk in there
like nothing's gonna--
- Enough!
No.
I am not about
to let my wife die
at the hands of this asshole,
all right?
I'm not.
This shit started with me.
It's got to end with me.
Enough people done got hurt.
It's not even safe
for you all no more.
You gotta run.
Three-way split,
that was the deal.
$333,000 each.
- Well, technically,
it's $333,333.
But I'm good.
Sorry.
- Come here.
♪
Here, here.
I need you to go.
I need you to walk down
to Morrison Street
and catch yourself a cab--
a real cab.
Not no Uber,
nothing that can be traced.
I want you to take it
far outside of town.
Do not tell me where.
Find a place to lay low.
And I want you to pay cash
for everything.
Don't use no card, no texts,
no posts, no phone,
no none of that shit,
you hear me?
- No, no--
- Listen to me.
In a week, I want you to go
to the stadium parking lot
where we used to tailgate
with Grandpapa, all right?
I'ma have your mother
meet you there.
You hear me?
Okay?
- No.
I'm not--I'm not leaving you.
- You're gonna do--
- No.
- You're gonna do
exactly what I tell you to do.
You and your mother gonna run,
and you're never gonna
look back.
Okay.
Daddy?
Dad.
- Yeah?
- I love you.
- Go.
♪
- It's your turn, baby.
- You mean our turn.
- I'm staying behind with Joe.
- You wanna try that again?
- Look,
I can't leave Joe behind
on this.
- So I'm supposed to what,
just sit around and wait
to find out if you die or not?
- No.
You're gonna find
the rest of the money.
There is $9 million out there.
And if there's anyone who can
track it down, it's you.
- Baby, I wouldn't know
where to start.
- Bullshit.
- All right--
don't get it twisted.
I'm coming back.
And when I do,
we're gonna need a vacation.
Not one of those bullshit
drives through Amish country.
I'm talking about
a real vacation,
likeBora Bora.
I hear they have these, uh,
over-the-water huts
with glass bottoms.
Supposed to be beautiful.
- Hey.
- Bora fucking Bora then.
Don't do anything stupid.
- I got this.
Yeah, you do.
- Come on.
You got work to do.
♪
♪
- You a bad motherfucker, Joe.
Ange too.
Go get your bitch.
♪
- Come on, come on, come on.
Let's go, let's go, let's go.
Bring her to the car.
Come on.
- Come on.
I tell you the truth,
I get a bump.
That offer still on the table?
- Yeah.
- She didn't kill herself.
- Who?
- Tess.
- Your ex?
- I staged it.
- Wha--
♪
- We got drunk.
We partied all night,
and then we passed out.
And I left my gun out.
And her daughter,
six years old--
It happened so fast.
- Jesus.
- And I fucking panicked.
And I put the gun
in Tess's hand.
And I told myself
that I did that for the kid.
But that was bullshit.
'Cause I covered my own ass.
I always fucking do.
So truth for a bump, yeah?
- Truth for a bump.
- It's been a day
since you used.
Hardest part's over.
- The fuck it is.
I'm a junkie.
- That you are.
So bottoms up.
- What is--what is this?
What the fuck--
what is the point of this, huh?
- The point?
To save your life?
- Save my life?
- Shoot, why not?
You're just all fucked up
like the rest of us.
- Well, present company
excluded, huh?
- Shit, hardly.
I'm just not fucking cuffed
to a radiator.
- And if you were,
what would you confess?
- I murdered a man last night.
One of Nicolai's.
He was bleeding out,
and I finished
that motherfucker off.
And it felt great.
I can't do this shit
by the book anymore, Touch.
I'm too fucking tired.
I want Nicolai
and everything he's ever loved
to burn.
That's how I'm gonna
finish this off.
So will you help me?
♪
♪
You good?
- Yeah, yeah.
I'm good.
- A'ight then.
- A'ight then.
That way.
- Instant?
What kind of cop are you?
"Joe about to give himself up
to Nicolai.
"Meeting at Louie's Diner
in 20.
We need you, Touch."
Meeting Nicolai.
Got you, asshole.
♪
- When we get to the diner,
we're gonna park
about a block down,
leave some breathing room.
I'ma send Ange out.
I'm not gonna do shit
until I see y'all
get in the van and y'all go.
That's the job.
Okay?
Get her out of there
and nothing else.
No heroics, Leon.
I can't risk her getting hurt.
- Do you really think
I'm capable of heroics?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
So don't.
♪
You still want
those season tickets?
I wrote something
for you and Touch.
- Should I--
- Later.
Touch's cut is on the counter
in the construction house.
- I'll make sure he gets it.
- Yeah.
You know, through it all, uh
You've been there
every step of the way.
Appreciate it.
I love you, dog.
♪
I better go.
♪
♪
- It won't be
too long now, dear.
- What is happening?
This is not part of our deal.
The deal has been
changed, dear.
- No, you can't do that.
- No, Jenn.
- I didn't.
She did.
- What?
What is he talking about?
- Okay, Mom, I have
to tell you something.
I'll explain everything later.
- Jenn.
- But I'm so glad you're okay--
- Why are you here, baby?
- I have to go.
- Ange!
Ange.
What the fuck?
Ange. Ange.
Ange.
♪
- Wait, no, don't take her.
Wait.
Please don't take her, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
- I'm sorry!
- Don't! No!
Don't!
Why are you doing this?
Please.
- Ange.
Ange. Ange.
What the fuck is--
Ange. Ange.
What the fuck?
Ange!
Ange.
Please, Ange.
What the fuck?
- Don't take my baby, please!
No!
Oh, God!
Jenn! Jenn!
- Daddy, I'm so, so sorry.
I'm sorry.
- Jenn?
What the hell is going on?
Are you with your mother?
- No, I had to.
It was the only way
to save you both.
- You had to do what?
Jenn!
What the fuck did you do?
Jenn!
- Give it to me,
give it to me, give it to me.
Missed you at the diner, Joe.
- Motherfucker, I'm still here.
Where the fuck are you at?
- Ooh, I'm sorry.
I got a better offer.
Family is everything.
I guess I don't need
to tell you that.
Your wife is at Breen's Diner
in Troy Hills.
Better hurry though.
She doesn't look very healthy.
- I--I--I don't understand.
- You will.
Bye.
♪
- What is it? What is it?
- They got Jenn.
♪
- Son of a bitch.
- Ange, baby.
Ange, baby, come here.
Come here, baby.
Baby, baby, can you hear me?
What happened? What happened?
- What the hell
is going on, Joe?
Where's Nicolai?
- Come on, baby, come on.
It's okay, I got you.
Where's Jenn at, baby?
You see 'em?
- Hey, where's Nicolai?
- Give us some goddamn space!
The fuck is wrong with you?
- Jenn--
Jenn is pregnant, Joe,
with Dimitri's baby.
That psychopath has
our pregnant daughter!
- Daddy?
Dad.
- Yeah?
- I love you.
♪