Big Nate (2022) s01e07 Episode Script

[crows cawing]
[splatters]
- And finally,
the science department
is looking for any pets
you no longer need.
The type of pet doesn't matter
as long as it can run.
- Thank you
for those inspirational words,
Mr. Galvin.
- Crawling is fine too.
Just as long
as their breathing--ah!
- And moving on
to more enjoyable news,
it's my pleasure to announce
that in celebration
of another year
without losing a single student
to homeschooling,
this fall's costume ball
theme is
"The Legend of the Homeschool
Corn Girl."
[students muttering]
- Wow.
- Now, for those
unfamiliar with the legend,
Dee Dee Hollowway will dance
out the same exact words
I'll be saying with my mouth
as I tell the tale.
Long ago, a group of circus
folk came to Rackleff.
Their star attraction
was a little girl
said to have the voice
of an angel from the heavens.
- [voice cracks] Oh
- Now, because these circus
folk were always on the road,
the girl had
to be homeschooled
on the family bus.
One evening, the circus family
decided to park their bus
in a corn field.
'Cause that's what them
circus families do, you know.
I don't know why.
But suddenly,
a freakish storm swept in.
- Ah!
- They were never seen again.
Lost forever in the corn field.
As legend goes,
he who sees the corn girl
is doomed.
Doomed, doomed
- Corn girl dark dance!
Corn girl dark dance!
Corn girl dark dance!
Corn girl dark dance!
Corn girl--
- Dee Dee!
- [gasps]
[applause]
On a more upbeat note,
I was able to double
this year's dance budget
by selling off
some classroom chalk
along with a pint
of my own plasma.
We have fifty whole dollars
to spend. Ah?
Woot-woot!
Up in the house, y'all.
- Who's read to make our
PS 38 dance totally awesome?
Woot woot!
[upbeat music]
Don't want to go
to school today
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay
Detention again
- Big Nate, Big Nate
- Math and social studies
just ain't my thing
- Big Nate, Big Nate
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Big Nate
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
[upbeat music]
- Okay, here's like
the $24 million question.
It's a costume ball.
What are we going as?
- What if we all dressed up
together as something moist?
[music stops]
- Eh?
- Oh, I got it.
We're all gonna go
all: Uh-huh?
- As the one and only
all: Uh-huh?
- Time Disruptors!
- Greatest idea ever!
- That's amazing!
- So you're probably wondering
who the Time Disruptors are.
Only the greatest
action franchise
in the history of cinema.
The Time Disruptors
are a group of scientists
whose mission it is
to better the world
by changing the past,
which inevitably
messes everything up
in the future.
I play Dr. Chip Destiny,
lead Disruptor.
He's a wild and unpredictable
microbiologist.
Dee Dee plays
Dr. Gwendoline Starfire.
Cracker jack DNA sequencer.
Francis plays Dr. Ace Clarion,
anxious hypochondriac
neurosurgeon.
Teddy plays Dr. Jax Euripides,
expert in quantum mechanics
and salsa dancing.
- [growls]
- And finally, Chad plays
Nurse Spencer Marconi,
Time Disruptor in training
and all-around fix-it nurse.
- Turn your head and cough.
- So that's us,
the Time Disruptors.
We are going to own
our first ever PS 38 dance.
Any questions?
[rock music sting]
- you called for me,
Principal Nichols?
- In, in. Grab a seat.
You look worried.
- I'm not worried.
It's just an explanation
for my constant state
of emotions.
- The reason I brought you here
today is that there's a girl
at Jefferson Middle School
who needs a tutor.
- Y-yeah?
- Well, according to whatever
these colorful designs are,
you're the smartest
sixth grader at PS 38.
Mazel tov!
[ceiling rumbles]
[crashing]
- Did someone call
for the smartest sixth grader
at PS 38?
- I appreciate the hustle,
Gina, but no.
I definitely did not call
for you.
- Mm-kay.
Right outside if you do.
- Uh, Principal Nichols,
I've never tutored before.
Maybe Gina--
- No! Gina is terrifying.
She has the people skills
of an aggressive car salesman.
Oh, Francis,
we need this to go well
so parents will send
their kids here
instead of Jefferson.
We'll get a tax break.
We'll fix the kitchen!
[sobbing]
- Fine.
- Fine?
- That's what I said. Fine.
I just hope my friends
don't find out I'm helping
Jefferson.
[ominous orchestral sting]
Mm?
[ominous music]
[sudden whooshing]
Hmm?
[laughing nervously]
Uh
- [growling]
[growling continues]
- [whispering] Corn girl
- Whoa.
[majestic music]
- Pthh!
- Hello?
- Ah!
- Are you Francis?
- Uh
[tender music]
- Hi. I'm Sabina Shah.
Nice jump. Gotta work
on that landing though.
- Wait for me.
[ominous music]
- [chuckles menacingly]
- Where's Francis?
- No idea.
That kid's been acting
squirrely of late.
- Well, I like squirrels.
- Uh
- Dude! Where's
your Ace Clarion costume?
- I, uh--was that today?
- 14 hours, 7 minutes,
and 6 seconds
before our very first
PS 38 dance. Ha.
I mean, wow.
Wow.
[watch beeping]
- Uh, I gotta split.
- What?
- What is up
with our Ace Clarion?
- I don't know.
One thing's for sure.
We need to start prying
into every aspect
of Francis's life, removing
every morsel of privacy he has.
Immediately.
[rock music]
Time Disruptors, saddle up.
- Hmm.
- [growling, barking]
- Ah!
- Time Disruptors,
it's going down.
Oh--
[smacking]
- [gasps] There!
[all gasping]
- What is he doing?
- Looks like we'll be heading
into enemy territory.
- Eh?
- Hmm?
all: Whoa!
- There's schools in heaven?
- It's so shiny.
- This must've cost money.
- This is the prettiest school
I've ever seen.
- Hmm?
- Jefferson is having
their own masquerade ball
on the exact same day
as our costume ball.
all: [gasping]
- What's a masquerade?
- Oh, it's snob for "costume."
- Ooh, target identified.
- Hang on, Time Disruptors.
I got this.
Target identified.
- Is he talking to a girl?
- I think
they're reading together.
Oh, I'm gonna be sick.
- Is Francis tutoring
[gasps] The enemy?
- Is that right?
- Uh, close.
The idea is to use geometric
nets to find
the surface area of figures.
- Oh, so would
a net like this work?
- Uh, I, uh,
I don't see why not.
Let me just make
a few adjustments.
[music swelling]
- Till now I always got by
on my own
I never really cared
until--
- [shouting]
- What the?
- Heroic spacing,
Time Disruptors!
- [humming]
- What the?
- Silence,
treasonous butt-brain.
- Francis, what's going on?
- How could you give away
PS 38's top secrets?
- The only secrets I'm giving
away are geometry tips.
- Aha--wait, what?
- Dah! [winces]
Ah! She's trying to drain
your brain, Francis.
- "She" is named Sabina.
And how does one drain a brain,
precisely?
- I could show you.
Just need a straw.
- Francis, come on, you're
the smartest kid at PS 38.
I mean, to Jefferson,
that makes you solid gold,
baby.
They're gonna suck
the knowledge out of you
until the inside of your skull
is a Saharan butt-brain desert.
- Truth.
Happened to a friend of mine.
Kid was named Chad!
[giggling] Ooh! Look at it!
- Wait a minute.
This is just like the plot
of the Time Disruptors classic,
"Crisis on Planet Brain."
- I'm sorry about all this.
- No, I'm sorry.
I didn't think you tutoring me
was such a big deal.
- It's not.
Can I call you later?
[gentle music]
- Hmm.
- Principal Nichols
is making me tutor Sabina.
It's not a big deal.
- Hmm. Okay.
Apology accepted.
And, hey, maybe
there's a small possibility
I got a little carried away
in there.
- [snorts] Wait, wait.
A small possibility?
- Yeah,
you went full hissy-fit, Nate.
- Uh, hello!
Has everyone forgotten
the mission?
First dance as PS 38?
Ring a bell?
Greatest night of our lives?
But Francis
is a Time Disruptor.
We need five to make it work.
- I get it,
but you have to trust me.
Sabina is just
a girl I'm tutoring.
Nothing more.
- [growls]
- But that's not true
There's something about her
I can't explain
A feeling inside
I can't contain
Charter school girl,
charter school girl
I wish you went
to public school
Charter school girl,
charter school girl
That lottery system
sure is cruel
Charter school girl,
charter school girl
I know I may sound
like a fool
But that's me
I also drool
But here we are
From opposing sides
Your school is amazing.
And mine makes mothers cry
all: Wah-wah-wah
- But here we are
Charter school girl
I really like you
Charter school girl,
charter school girl
I've only kissed
my mom before
Charter school girl,
charter school girl
Don't mind my lip,
it's just a cold sore
Charter school girl,
charter school girl
I'll be the butter
for your lobster thermidor
Sometimes I hunt
with a bird of prey
You should also know
Before we get too far
I struggle with IBS,
social anxiety
And a wheezy chest
But here we are
Charter school girl
I really like you
Ooh
[sudden orchestral sting]
- Ah!
[screaming]
- [voice distorted]
Stay away from Jefferson.
- W-why me?
What did I do to you?
- Don't get smart with me, boy.
- Uh
- Unless you want this
to happen.
[munching]
- [whimpering]
- You don't want
a second helping.
- [whispering] Corn girl
[Men Without Hats'
"Safety Dance" playing]
- We can dance
if we want to
We can leave
your friends behind
'Cause your friends
don't dance
And if they don't dance
Well, they're
no friends of mine
- [growls]
- Ah!
- We can go
where we want to
There's a place
they'll never find
And we can act like we come
from out of this world
Leave the real one
far behind
And we can dance
- Or sing
[ominous music]
- [whispering] Corn girl
- Hey, wanna go to this
with me?
[rock music]
- [laughs nervously]
And then the corn girl tells me
to stay away from Jefferson.
[gulps] Or else.
- Wow, bro, you must've done
something to make her angry.
Bet it's
your obsessive flossing.
- I don't know why you're
freaking out so much, Francis.
If the corn girl hates
Jefferson,
that means she's on our side.
- Well, look at this.
What a nice surprise.
- [laughs]
Principal Nichols.
Mr. Galvin.
So good to see you
[quietly] He said, lying.
What are you doing here?
We're trying to make up
for lost revenue,
but, uh, these decorations
aren't selling door-to-door.
- Would anyone like to buy
a blacklight poster
of yours truly?
[shocked scream]
- Guys,
I seriously think I'm blind.
- Oh
- Francis, my boy genius.
I hear things
are going swimmingly.
Even got yourself an invitation
to their masquerade ball, huh?
Mm, huh?
[chuckles]
I smell a gluten-free frier
in this school's future.
[excited babbling]
Love that gluten-free.
- Nate, let me explain.
- [growls]
- Nate, talk to me.
Come on, dude.
- I have nothing to say to you.
You sold your soul
to Jefferson.
Five Disruptors is the unit.
Not four. Five.
So like I said,
I have nothing to say to you.
- Do you even hear yourself?
- Uh, no.
And you can't hear me either.
Because, hello, I'm giving you
the silent treatment.
- I wasn't even going
to the Jefferson party.
But now I'm definitely going.
- Francis has betrayed us
for Jefferson.
He's abandoned
the Time Disruptors.
I mean, how are we
supposed to take control
of our destiny now?
- Last time I checked,
Francis was our friend.
When one Time Disruptor falls,
do we not all fall?
[inspiring music swells]
That's it.
- Wait, that's it?
You aren't even going to answer
the fall question?
- Hey, look. Dee Dee's right.
- Thank you, Nate.
- No, not about Francis.
His brain has clearly
been drained.
But he was once
a Time Disruptor.
And we never leave
one of our own behind,
brainless or not.
Time Disruptors, mount up.
We have one last mission
to complete.
[rock music]
- [laughs]
- Mm, I feel out of place
in these clothes.
- Oh, stop overthinking it.
Nobody's gonna notice.
- You have precisely
two seconds
to explain whatever it is
you think you're wearing.
- Uh, we thought we'd go
as the public school losers
from across the street.
[tense music]
- [chuckles] Nice one.
Have fun, kiddies.
- Guys, I think we need
disguises for our disguises.
- 'Ello, love.
- 'Ello, darling.
- [gasps]
[mysterious music]
[scanner whirs]
- Blue blood detected.
- I get knocked down,
but I get up again
You're never gonna
keep me d--
- I've seen this before
while doing research
for my cyberpunk version
of "Ibsen's Ghost."
- And I said,
"That's not my yacht,
that's my butler's yacht."
[chuckles]
- Watch this.
[scanner whirs]
- Blue blood detected.
- I get knocked down,
but I get up again
You're never gonna
keep me down
- All right, guys,
remember to blend in.
Think rich.
- Diamond!
- Status is in the shoulders.
Shoulders.
- Ow! One more please.
- Hey, don't be seduced
by the charter school opulence.
Eh! We're here to save Francis.
Let's do this!
- And I told my dad
I don't need a jumbo jet,
a regular one will do
just fine.
[laughs]
- Anyone happen to catch the
latest Dow Industrial Average?
- Whoa!
Wow, these spikes
are even more comfy
than the ones at home.
- Rather painterly considering
the artist's oeuvre.
- Hmm. Rather bold.
- [laughs]
In the words
of Van Gogh's severed ear,
"Say what?"
- I beg your pardon?
- Oh, come on.
This is a total fake.
If this were real,
I wouldn't be able to lean
against the muslin
because it would--
Uh-oh.
[screams]
[sonar beeping]
- Hmm?
Francis.
Ugh, school dances are meant
to be spent with friends,
not with some girl
who, I don't know,
seems perfect and nice.
Probably has rich person
sugar cookie breath.
- And--and then I said,
"That's not a lima bean,
but you should really
go see a doctor."
[both laugh]
[pleasant music]
- Oh, wow.
Francis looks really happy.
Maybe coming here was too
disruptive.
[loud clanging]
[loud crashing]
- Oh!
- Stop running away from me.
Stand your ground!
- Ah!
- I said stop running away
from me.
- If this were
a Time Disruptor movie,
messing with
Francis finding happiness
would result in some future
filled with untold horrors.
But awesome.
Time Disruptors, time
to disrupt time one more time.
[epic music]
Ah!
- Ah!
- I think I broke
my vestigial tail.
- Principal Nichols?
- Shh! I snuck in.
By the way, have you tried
the tzatziki
at the servants' buffet?
To die for.
- Et tu, Wes-ley?
- Please don't judge me.
I'm an underpaid
middle school academic
with a 401k matching at 2%.
I wanted to shape young minds.
Now I steal chalk.
What have I become--
- Oh, come on, snap out of it.
PS 38 students are in trouble.
- Trouble?
Nobody messes with my kids.
All secure, Nate?
- That's Chip Destiny,
Principal--ah!
[epic music]
- Uh
- You're mine now.
- Ah!
- [cackles]
Hey!
- If we die,
can they at least bury us
in the mausoleum out back?
[all growling]
- Nate?
You crashed
the Jefferson masquerade ball?
- No, no, no, no,
it's not what you think.
- Francis, what is it with you
and your PS 38 friends?
You're like a cult.
- That cult rumor
was never proven!
- Francis,
the Time Disruptors--
no, I had no right
to get mad at you
for doing what makes you happy.
I know being happy for you
isn't easy
because of all
of your really intense issues.
- I--what--issues?
I don't have any issues.
- I think emotional flaws
are cute.
- Wow. It's like I created you
in a lab.
- Anyway, back to me
and what I've learned.
I've learned that--
I've learned
the Time Disruptors
are friends for life,
but you've also gotta let
your friends have a life.
- Not me!
I am totally codependent.
[giggles]
[tender music]
[crowd booing]
- Ugh. When are
you public school children
going to learn
you're not like us?
Charter school, hoo-yah.
all: Charter school, hoo-yah.
- Seriously? You guys gotta
get over yourselves.
It's a lottery. You got lucky.
- Technically
it's not a lottery.
It's vouchers.
- Ah!
[screaming]
- Francis!
- [voice distorted]
Hands off. He's mine.
[ominous music]
- The homeschool corn girl!
- You! I'm stalking you.
Get it? Mwah-ha-ha-ha!
I warned you,
stay away from Jefferson.
Now everyone's
gonna get corned.
[all screaming]
- Ah! It's the Corn Girl!
- Ugh,
it smells like discounts!
[screaming continues]
- She's going to corn us!
She's going to corn us all.
[evil laughter]
[both screaming]
- I warned you.
- Time Disruptors, and Sabina,
on me!
- Friends?
- Friends.
Ah!
[all shouting]
- [gasps]
[screaming continues]
[loud crash]
- Wait a minute.
Our party is still going on.
Right, Principal Nichols?
- Yes.
And, as principal,
I should probably go
as far as making an appearance.
- You know, this is
still our first PS 38 dance.
And while things
maybe didn't go as I planned,
that still doesn't mean
we can't have fun.
all: Taking control
of our destiny!
[laughter]
[screams]
- Who's the smartest kid
at PS 38 now, Francis?
[cackles]
[chomps]
- [whispering] Corn girl.
[upbeat music]