Black-ish (2014) s01e07 Episode Script

As a broke kid growing up in Compton, going out for a steak dinner was a big deal.
Huge! And if it was a really special occasion, we'd celebrate at the beef plantation.
Mmm! Niecy's graduation from beauty college Uncle Ronald's incarceration Uncle Ronald's release.
I loved the beef plantation.
Smell that? Mmm! That is my childhood.
I'm sorry, daddy.
Sorry about what, son? I love this place.
You pay what you weigh.
Come on, Jack.
Step on the scale.
It's okay, sweetheart.
Take your shoes off.
Save me some money.
Zoey, stop it.
Ha! 60 cents for a steak.
A steak! Oh.
Junior, your turn.
Go ahead, sweetheart.
Go ahead.
Why are you wearing those thick jeans? Get over here.
Next time, wear shorts.
Got to pay $1.
15 for your steak.
Ugh.
Guys, this is great.
What do you think, huh? I think this cow died of natural causes.
Babe, I don't think the kids are loving this.
Hey, stop.
Come on.
This is all-you-can-eat surf 'n' turf, mm? Oh, I get it! They charge you for all-you-can-eat but put out food no one will eat! Maniacal! Boy, you wore your heavy pants, and you won't even eat your pay-what-you-weigh steak? If you guys can't appreciate affordable meat, why don't you go up there and get a salad? Huh? And while you're up there, visit the pasta trough.
That ziti looks right.
Why is there a plastic roof all over the food? Oh, baby, that's a sneeze guard.
It's to protect the food.
From going into our mouths? - Mommy? - Hmm.
This food makes me sad.
Wait.
I am so hungry.
Boy, there's food on your fork! You know what? If everybody is so unhappy, why don't we all just go home without eating? Yay! What? Really? I'm sorry.
Baby, this is the beef plantation! So, you have "roots" on laserdisc, but eating at a place called beef plantation doesn't bump you? Well, it didn't Till now.
Gonna go after the kids.
Mm-hmm.
I'm coming.
So this turned out to be a special occasion, too The day I realized my family kinda sucks.
so, the beef plantation experience showed me that my kids were spoiled, and I had to teach them a lesson.
Why is the fridge empty? Is it broken? Nope.
Not broken.
What other reason could it be empty? We're moving? Finally! A bigger pool.
It has to be saltwater.
I can't do any more chlorine.
I'm gonna get my own room! See ya, suckah.
No! Hey, we are not moving.
All right? We are making some adjustments.
This is what my refrigerator looked like when I was growing up.
It's not empty.
There are five meals in here.
There's a ketchup/baking soda sandwich, baking soda/bologna sandwich, and if you're really feeling fancy, you got your ketchup/bologna/ baking soda sandwich.
None of that sounds like food to me.
That's because you're spoiled.
And I'm giving you the gift Of hunger.
Does it come with a receipt? Because I'd like to return it.
No.
You kids need to learn to live with less.
And if I hear any complaints, I'm gonna take away more stuff, like your cable, like your wi-fi, like that really soft, four-ply toilet paper.
No.
Feels like fresh-baked bread on my butt.
Why can't we turn on the air-conditioning? Because I'm teaching the kids a lesson A lesson I should've taught them years ago.
Baby, they're spoiled.
We did not spoil our kids.
So we're parents who made enough to give our kids lots of toys and clothes and video games.
I mean, isn't that part of Dr.
king's dream? I think so.
I'm just now starting to see why the kids are so ungrateful.
You know, I'm not gonna point any fingers as to how they got that way, but I will use my thumbs.
It's you.
Yes, you've set a tone.
Me? So I'm the one who got all their baby Jordans bronzed? Bronzed?! That was 7-karat gold! Still very tacky.
But okay, because there is nothing wrong with giving our kids more than we had.
You know what happens when you give your kids too much, right? What y'all wanna do? Wanna be ballers shot-callers, brawlers who be dippin' in the benz with the spoilers on the low from the Jake in the Taurus it's all about the Benjamins, baby uh-huh, yeah it's all about the Benjamins, baby uh-huh, yeah it's all about the Benjamins oof.
- Mm-hmm.
Bow - Hmm? It's up to us to give them more by giving them less.
Dre, I did not grow up eating baking soda, and I turned out fine.
That's because you had a white daddy.
What?! We can't all hit the lotto! Oh, shush, Dre.
Who is that? It's the Greensteins.
And they've got a casserole.
Why are the neighbors bringing us food? I don't know.
I might have an answer for that.
We need food.
So you went straight to begging? In our defense, we complained first.
Yeah.
We are the only black people in this neighborhood, and now because of our kids, they think we're beggars? - Let me.
- Okay.
Hi! We brought you a casserole.
We heard things weren't going so well for you.
What? Things aren't going so well for us.
Janine, this is very thoughtful, but No, no, no.
No, no! No need to put on a brave face.
- We've all struggled at times.
- Yeah.
No, not not oh, whoa.
This would be a lot of house for anybody.
Wha Anyway, here.
I insist.
Casserole.
- We're good.
- No, no, I insist! It's filled with cubed ham and cheese.
Delicious.
Oh.
Wonderful.
About a pound and a half of velveeta.
Mm.
Really? Sorry.
Sorry about everything.
All right, then.
Thank you.
Wow.
Wow.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, my God! What? Our children are terrible.
Dre, this is a real problem.
Oh, so now it's a problem? Yeah.
'Cause now I look bad.
- Oh, you look bad.
- Dre, I have worked too hard, and I went to school for too long, and I took way too much affirmative-action money.
I mean, I may have even have taken a scholarship from a pacific islander.
Okay, I did, but I can easily pass for a samoan.
And you know what? The point is that I will not let my image be destroyed.
Dre, you need to teach our kids a lesson.
That's what I was trying to do.
- Do it better.
- Uh That is a pity casserole! But it's got ham in it.
Hey, let me ask you guys a question.
What's the cut-off age for a firehouse baby drop? Can they take all my kids, or do I have to find four different firehouses? All right, all right.
Dre, what's the problem? My kids are spoiled rotten.
Well, has it occurred to you that maybe you're not buying them enough stuff? What? No.
Buying them stuff is what's messing them up.
Or sometimes kids get sick of their stuff, and they need new stuff.
I know I do.
I'm on rue la la right now.
Skinny jeans.
Check out? Nah, continue shopping.
Thanks, mom and dad.
You're kidding me, right? Mr.
Stevens, you're a self-made man.
Didn't you grow up on an onion farm with a transient father? Oh, no, no, no, I had a transvestite father.
But, yes, we were squatting on that onion farm.
Yeah, okay.
That makes much more sense.
I just didn't want my kids to feel deprived the way I did.
Oh.
They deserve everything that I give them.
They are perfect kids.
Isn't your son Tucker in rehab? No, no, no, Joey's in rehab.
Tucker was asked to leave rehab.
But now he's home with us, and he rarely takes cash out of my wallet.
Why? Because I give it to him.
- Just give it to him.
- You know what? Hey, let's just finish lunch.
I don't even know why I bring this stuff up in here.
They don't understand, Dre.
When you're from where we from Mm-hmm.
Nothing is handed to you.
See? That's what I'm talking about.
I had to work for everything.
By the time I was 13, I had already been fired from my second job.
Oh, I was the breadwinner for my family at the age of 8.
See there? See there? Got hit by a car.
Big settlement.
- Ah, okay.
- Mm-hmm.
Charlie, you just said that nothing was ever handed to you.
It wasn't.
I was hit by a car.
I are you hear Are you are you hearing me? I don't have molars.
It's impossible for me to grind up food.
Never had Taffy.
Will never have Taffy.
And you think about that.
Yeah.
Well, look it, don't you worry about it.
From what I hear about your kids, they're just like mine.
You're all getting jobs.
- What?! No.
- Yes.
I've seen what bad parenting can do, and I'm not gonna let that happen.
Nope.
And besides, I can't afford rehab.
But robotics club! Bye-bye, robotics club.
Mm-hmm.
Please tell me I was called to this meeting accidentally.
No, Paris, this isn't an accident.
You're gonna get a job, too.
Mm, that's right.
You get a job! You get a job! You get a job! Everybody gets a job! Mm-hmm.
Why is this happening?! Are the Greensteins right? Is this too much house for us? No, it's too much house for you.
But not too much house for us, because we have jobs.
You know what? You kids don't appreciate anything, because everything has been handed to you.
Now you're gonna learn what it feels like to earn.
Welcome to the rat race.
- Ha! Chomp-chomp! - Boom! Suck on that cheese! Put it on a cracker.
Ew.
So, the next day, I took off my kids' brat-floaties and shoved them into the deep end of the work pool.
It's time they learned to hustle.
All right, kids, this is what we're gonna Come on! Move it! Sorry, dad.
This stuff is heavy.
So, where's my desk? Desk? You know that Drake song, "started from the bottom"? - Yeah.
- Now you're here.
Go empty those trash cans.
Come on.
Hop to it.
- Hilarious.
- Mm-hmm.
Dad, where are the employee lounges? Good call, 'cause there's plenty of trash there that needs dumping.
Make it happen.
Really? Hey, baby girl, change the liners, too.
So while I was in charge of the older kids, Bow was with the little ones.
Unfortunately, child-labor laws forced them into selling unregulated beverages on the street.
Thank you, Upton Sinclair.
Sorry, sir.
We don't have any small bills.
Oh, that's okay.
You can keep the change.
Thank you, sir.
Have a blessed day.
You too.
Thanks.
Look at this! Business is booming.
High five for teamwork.
- Give it here! - Yeah.
Mom, can you go get us some more lemonade? No.
This is your job.
You do it.
Fine! And I know how much is in the register To the penny.
Wha All right.
Some fancy lemonade in here.
Oh.
Oh, hi, Janine.
Bless your heart.
Here.
There, there.
Oh, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, Janine, this is for the kids.
That's why we all do it.
I insist.
Oh, I I and you know what? Here's the address to my church's pantry.
Go before Tuesday if you want meat.
Oh.
No, no, no.
Janine.
Janine! No, you don't understand.
We're just trying to teach the kids We're okay! I don't need church meat! You've only been at work 10 minutes, and you're already on break? Are you trying to perpetuate the stereotypes? Oh.
Sorry, boss! Gonna get back to it.
Zoey, I did not bring you to work for you to sit around the table and take selfies all day.
There's a time and a place to be irresponsible Jury duty, local elections, and parent-teacher conferences.
But your father's place of business Dad, I am working.
I'm showing girls how to put on makeup.
Oh See? "Makeup by Zo-Zo"? I don't use bronzer because I have good skin.
But my third best friend, Michelle, doesn't.
As you can see, Michelle is very pale.
Very pale.
But this will give her the illusion that she's been outside.
Just a little bit right here on the cheekbone.
Somebody's been to Hawaii.
You know what? You need to give the illusion of someone working.
What's all that noise? "Likes" from my followers.
You have 100,000 followers? Wow.
There's a big market for this.
Yeah, dad.
Teenagers with acne? That's still a thing.
- You know the company Hard Candy? - Mm-hmm.
Well, I'm hoping that if I get enough followers, they'll give me free makeup.
Baby girl, you play your cards right, they'll give you free money.
Walk with me.
Here's what I'm gonna need you to do.
I'm gonna need you to come up with three ways to pitch Hard Candy.
You have till the end of the afternoon to do it.
That's not a lot of time.
Hey, this is what we do here.
We are crack marketing professionals.
Get that money, girl.
He was hit by a car.
Never gonna be right.
Hey, Bow, our plan is working, baby.
I'm pumped.
And Zoey, she's showing signs of the Johnson family hustle.
And junior is killin' it, too.
Well, the lemonade sales are going really well.
The down side is that Janine thinks we're so broke we need a bag of Bruce's old pants.
Oh, my go you know what, baby, I got to go.
All right.
Love you.
Bye.
Good.
You filled them up.
No new sales, huh? So, did the whole world stop loving lemonade when I went to the bathroom? You know what? I think the lemonade stand was a hit.
You have learned your lesson.
So let's pack it up before a certain neighbor comes back from her power walk.
So what's our lesson? Quit? I love quitting! No, no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I am not raising quitters.
What was I thinking? Oh! I have an idea.
Why don't we move ourselves over to sycamore, huh? Where nobody knows me I mean, nobody has had your very yummy lemonade.
What? Yeah for yummy lemonade! Yeah.
Just don't know how I'm gonna fit this stand into my car.
Oh, Pedro, thank you so much.
Oh, there we go! Nice.
Oh, don't worry.
I got it.
Okay! Hey! No, no! No, no! No.
No, no, no, no, no, no! Janine, no! I'm still fine! I'm still a doctor! Janine, I am not just a gardener! I'm Oh, Pedro, I'm so sorry.
I know you are not just a gardener.
My name's Eric.
I have 65 employees.
Oh.
No.
I I mean I'll take the rake.
Okay.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, Eric.
Eric.
I knew that.
Did I I didn't know that.
Hey, dad, I got my three pitches.
I think they look pretty good.
Oh.
That's cute.
Very nice.
Sit down.
I like how you're hustling.
So I got you a meeting at Hard Candy.
You did? That's awesome, dad! Hey, babe, no need to thank me.
I mean, sure, this is usually the type of thing where people send over a basket of summer sausage, but you are family.
I wouldn't be mad at some nice cheese, though.
Anyhow, I also put together a group of people from here to help me with a rough pitch.
Really? You did? Ooh! Makeup by Zo-Zo.
Huh? Oh, come on.
- Right? Right? Yeah.
Right? - You killed that! Bop-bop! Two to the head! Yeah, yeah! Zid you recognize Zee voice? Ja.
Zat vuz me.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
So? I know it's not done done.
This was just a rough mock-up.
But in the final version, there's gonna be special effects So, you tell me to hustle, and then you go do it all for me? Ooh! There was a lot of bass in that voice.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, Dre's daughter.
Do you realize you are getting Andre Johnson for free? She don't know.
This is the man who is responsible for bringing Nick's Frozen Zucchini national.
You're welcome, mid-Atlantic states, plus Puerto Rico.
Boom! And what does any of this have to do with my blog? Babe, I'm just trying to give you a nudge, help you pave the road.
Pave the road? You ran me over.
- Been there.
- You know what? This is crazy.
If you're just gonna throw away all of my ideas, then I quit.
Ha! You can't quit.
I'm making you do this.
Then I take a sick day.
You can't do that, either.
Actually, that osha poster says she can.
Eh, bro, shut up.
Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna be quiet.
You know what? I'm taking the rest of the day off, because I'm sick of my father ruining my life.
- Zoey! - You know what? Actually, I'm feeling a little tickle in my throat, as well.
I think I should get on out of here and try to Well, sit there and scratch.
Yeah, yeah, it's getting better.
It's getting better.
Coffee time! Oh, whoops.
I forgot to have them put your names on them.
Oh, that's okay.
That's decaf.
Um, no That one's decaf.
No.
Wait.
Um To be perfectly honest, I'm not really sure I even got decaf.
Mnh-mnh-mnh.
Coffee time Ungrateful.
Spoiled rotten.
Look, I thought Zoey had the Johnson family hustle, but she don't.
I teed her up to take it to the next level, and she quit on her own project.
Dre, did she quit, or did you take over and force her out? No, she quit.
Oh, Dre, you were so excited that she had the hustle, and then you didn't even let her do it herself.
You say it's about the kids, and then it becomes all about you and your ego.
Sweetie, do you think this is gonna say to Janine that I am ballin' out of control? Baby What? You are definitely out of control.
Perfect.
All right.
I'm gonna go down by her mailbox and wait for her to come out.
Bow, it's 11:00 at night.
Oh, I'm ballin' out of control ballin' out of control Killin' it! Ah.
Hey, Zoey.
Sorry, dad.
I'm working.
Unless you want to take this over, too.
Uh Hey, look, come on, baby girl.
I get it.
I messed up.
All right? But I need you to understand where I 'm comming from.
I grew up in Compton with bars on my house, and we had nothing to steal, but we still had bars, which I'm pretty sure the neighbors stole and put on their house, and they had nothing to steal.
You know that thing when you don't get to the point? Hey, look, everything I got, I had to work for.
So when I saw that sparkle of hustle in you, baby girl, I got excited.
But then you just took everything out of my thing - that made it me.
- I know.
But that's why I put it back in.
What are you talking about? Look, I read your pitches, and they're actually pretty good.
"Actually"? You see I'm trying here, right? I mean, 'cause I could leave.
The sandwich lady is on the floor, and I am missing out.
You know, I've seen actual fights start over her tarragon chicken salad.
Sorry.
I sent your stuff over to Hard Candy, and they went crazy.
And they sent over this box of makeup.
And they said that if you can double your followers within six months, they might even be able to send some real money your way.
Oh, my God.
- Wait.
Double my followers? - Mm-hmm.
I don't know if I can do that and my homework.
Hey, you'll figure it out.
Thanks, dad.
Dad, I finally got the coffee order right! Aah! Great job on the glass, Zoe! Yeah! So hot! Why?! So, my "gift of hunger" experiment was a success, even if it had a few unintended consequences.
Oh! I can't find Janine anywhere.
Are the Greensteins on vacation? I need her to see me like this.
- No, you don't.
- I I'm gonna go douse myself with some expensive perfume.
- That'll help.
- I Junior.
You need me to shred this? I wouldn't.
It's your paycheck.
I got paid? Yeah.
You've earned it.
Really? I know I was hard on you this week, and you made some mistakes, but you didn't quit.
- I respect that.
- Thanks, dad.
I'm about to make it rain up in the comic book store! Ugh.
So, how much did we make? "We"? You paid yourself in lemonade.
Well, I still own 50% of the company.
You better lawyer up, friend.
I guess this whole journey was really about character.
See, I was trying to give my kids the gift of hunger, because hunger was the obstacle that gave me character.
But my kids had a different obstacle Me.
Let's face it I'm a lot, and if they could get past me Hey, dad, this check is gonna clear, right? They could get past anything.
Hey! Rainbow? Hey, you.
I got to give you this back.
I just want to bring you that.
Oh.
Thank you so much.
No, thank you so much.
Gosh, this is, uh there's oh.
You left this in there.
Oh, my God! It's one of my diamond earrings.
You know what? They are so heavy when they're real.
It just pulls out of your ear.
Yeah.
Your hoops are pretty.
Oh, my daughter made them for me.
Uh-huh.
- I'll give you a hand.
- Thanks, honey.
- It's heavy.
- Good to see you.
- It's a heavy door.
- Yeah.
Solid car.
Don't touch it.
- Okay.
- Bye! Let's get you back to the dealership before they know you're gone.
A little inconvenient for me to ca It's inconvenient for me to carry this now! They hopin' that they don't catch me ridin' dirty I'm gonna head back.
I'm just gonna head back.