Bonanza s01e07 Episode Script

He's a fine man, that Swede.
It's him you ought to be marrying.
Quit nippin' on that jug you have hid in the mattress.
That's a fine way to be talking to your poor, old father.
We were speaking of the Swede.
Like as not, he's starving to death out there in the wilds of Nevada.
Bonanza! Glory be, 'tis the Swede! (laughing) But the sun of the heathen land has touched him.
He's speaking in tongues.
Annie, I struck it rich out there in Nevada.
(laughs) Annie, I'm a rich man.
Ja, ja! Ah, good stew, ja? You miserable, stew-eating Swede you! If only I didn't love you so.
and I staked out two claims.
Not one, but two.
(all laughing) Oh, Swede-- you, me and himself in the land of Nevada, breathing the fine air.
'Tis the air of San Francisco I'm used to breathing these many years.
Skoal.
(coughs) I-I'll tell you what we'll do.
You two go on and get the silver and gold and bring it back here to me.
And have you drink it up faster than we can dig it from the ground? We all go.
Well, I tell you both, none of us got to go.
I'm going to sell the claims right here in San Francisco.
Sell them? Whatever for? Well, I tell you the truth, Annie.
After six months of eating that dry, miserable grub, I'm sick and tired of Nevada.
Well, I ain't.
And one of these claims is mine, Swede Lundberg, for I grubstaked you, and don't you forget it.
You go ahead.
Trade yours for a bottle of whiskey as you'll like as not do, but Himself and me is heading for Nevada.
Oh, no, me darling.
'Tis here I belong with the good salt air in me lungs.
And the whiskey in your insides.
The both of yous.
We go to Nevada.
Oh, you mark me.
Mark me well, Annie O'Toole.
One whiff of that heathen air and I'll die.
We are not letting this get away from us.
(theme song playing) (barking) All right, now listen to me, all of you! There's no dispute that can't be settled by miners' law! Let's go back to the Ponderosa, Pa.
This isn't any of our affair.
Oh, son, we can't ignore the rest of the world.
We're the only stabilizing influence in the country.
Yeah, well, you sure stabilized that one, Pa.
Look.
Are you, uh, all right, miss? Hey, Pa.
What is it? It's a dead man.
Who is it, miss? It's Himself.
"Himself"? Me sainted father, Kevin O'Toole.
Are you, uh are you able to tell us about it? Cooking breakfast, I was, this morning on me mother's stove.
Himself was a great one for hotcakes.
He strangled and died.
On the hotcakes, ma'am? Do you question my cooking? "The hotcakes," he says.
'Twas the air that choked him, just as he said it would.
"Annie," he says to me.
"One whiff of that heathen air and I'll die.
" He said it and he did it.
Thank you.
I'm all right.
He wouldn't want me grieving.
As a matter of fact, I'm proud of him.
"Proud of him"? And why not? It's the first time in his life Himself ever did exactly what he said he'd do.
Well, we're all dreadfully sorry, miss.
If we could offer you the hospitality of our ranch until you return home.
My, don't you talk grand, though.
No, thank you.
I'll be staying here.
Here in Washoe Diggings? Half a minute.
Here we are.
You know a man named Swede Lundberg? Know him? Many's the time I've knocked the corners from his head with a skillet.
I know him.
Now, will someone guide me? All right, just a minute.
Uh, maybe you better go with her, Hoss.
This is my brother, Miss O'Toole.
He'll see that, uh, no harm comes to you.
My, ain't you the big one, though? Thank you.
There'll be no more of that! Oh, won't there? That woodpecker of a Simpson jumped my claim! Now, stop it, now.
In the absence of formal law, you still have your miners' law.
But who's to enforce it or decide on it? Well, appoint yourselves a referee.
Or if you have a serious dispute, call a miner's court.
I'll hold with that.
But there ain't anybody around here I can trust.
Except Ben Cartwright himself.
(men agreeing) BEN: Oh, no.
Thank you, fellas.
Thank you, Clayton, but I'm afraid my time is fully occupied.
Well, we'll vote on it.
All those in favor of Ben Cartwright acting as dispute referee, speak up.
(men agreeing) Gentlemen, gentlemen, please gentlemen.
Well, if you feel that I can help settle your current disputes, but remember, it's only a temporary arrangement until you find somebody permanent.
All right.
Looks like you got yourself a job, Pa.
So have you, younger brother.
You get yourself back to the ranch and see how the boys are doing with the cattle branding.
And just what'll you be doing? I'm going to get that girl out of town before we get into a dispute that even Pa can't settle.
It's the best I could do, Ma'am.
Thank you.
Oh, it's a fine view.
Himself will like it once he gets used to it.
Yes, ma'am.
Oh, all this hard work in the heat of the day.
You poor man, you must be starved.
Well, I can always eat, ma'am.
If it ain't no bother.
Oh, on that stove a bother? Why, it's like a friend to me.
It's one thing I understand complete.
Thank you.
ADAM: Well, Hoss, looks like you took care of things.
I had to put him someplace, Adam.
Well, I, I guess it really doesn't matter.
Well, now Mr.
High and Mighty, it matters a lot to me.
I really meant no disrespect, miss.
It's just that, well, we haven't fully checked your claim.
You see, Swede Lundberg had two claims.
And this is one of them.
And it's here I am and here I stay.
Miss O'Toole, I assure you my only concern is for your welfare.
Chew that one again? What? Speak plain to the point.
Then I'll do exactly that.
You are the only woman in this camp.
These are rough men.
Oh, and it's milksops I'm used to on the Barbary Coast, is it? All I'm saying is it's no place for a nice, charming lady.
Why, now, thank you very much for the compliment.
But don't you worry about me.
I can cut the whiskers from a cat with a skillet without even disturbing its slumber.
Now, you were saying? I was saying that I want you to get out of here and go back to San Francisco.
And leave Himself alone in a heathen place? Why there hasn't been a day of my life I haven't taken care of him.
It's here I stay.
Ma'am, my brother Adam always knows what's best.
Oh, I suppose I have no choice.
There's bare enough food in the wagon to last the day.
And there you stand, you poor man, starvin' in your tracks while I babble on.
Here we go now.
Thank you very much.
Now, Miss O'Toole, if it's money you need And who don't? Well, I'd be glad to give you enough money to get you back to San Francisco.
Mr.
Adam, I'll have you know I don't take money from no strangers.
The shame of you, talking like that in front of Himself! I only meant I've got an idea what you meant.
And you'd best be learning some manners from your big brother here.
Now you take yourself out the way you came in.
I promised your brother mulligan, and mulligan he shall have.
Oh, Himself loved me mulligan almost as well as he loved his bottle.
Woman cooking, that's what it is! MAN: What? Woman cooking! Come on! (excited chatter) Aw, you poor, starving dears.
Listen, if you'll all pitch in together, and get me a big pot, and some spuds and onions "Onions"? Miss, if there was an onion in this camp it could be traded for the richest claim on the Washoe.
Salt pork is all you'll find around here.
Uh, Miss O'Toole, if you won't accept money from me You trying something with this lady? But he ain't getting no place with it.
I'm only trying to help her.
I told you, I don't take money from no strangers.
Who's offering you money? Now, I was watching these men and their interest in your, uh, culinary arts.
Watch your tongue! Would you feed them for say, uh a dollar a meal? At a dollar and a half I would.
Ah, but where am I going to get enough food for all these hungry mouths? That's what I'm telling you.
Now, I have plenty of supplies on the Ponderosa.
Now, I could give you enough to cook one big meal for the whole camp, and on the proceeds, you could return to San Francisco.
What sort of supplies? Oh, ham, fresh eggs, beef.
(all cheering) Oh, how can I turn 'em down, the poor, starving dears? Then it's a deal? On one condition.
What? That you come in as my partner.
Oh, now, that won't be necessary.
Then the deal's off.
(all groaning) Oh, all right.
(men cheering) Oh, a lovely thing it is.
Adam, you're a darling man, and to think I took you for a snibber blot.
A what? A snibber blot.
'Twas a saying Himself had for the nabobs that lived on the hill and looked down their noses at us on the Barbary Coast.
I mean no offense.
It's just your grand manner, but, Adam, you have a heart, and I could kiss you for it.
Uh, we'll need a name for the place, a menu with prices.
(clears throat) Whoa.
First you want me to round up the cows.
Then I get word you want me to empty the store house and bring everything here.
Will you make up your mind? You just get on back to the cows.
This is all you'll be hauling.
(horse neighs) Whoa.
All right, just what's this all about? Miss Annie said that two wagon loads would be better than one.
And who told you to take orders from Annie? Ain't she your partner? For this one load, for one batch of meals, and then back she goes to San Francisco.
Now, Adam, the men are pretty excited about the eating place they got here, and they ain't gonna like it much if you close it up before it even gets open.
I don't care whether they like it or not.
One easy way to solve all this.
Just let older brother do all the cooking himself.
There's one thing I want straight around here.
We're going to raise enough money to get you back to San Francisco and that's it.
No more.
Is that clear? Yes, Adam.
Then where in thunderation do you get off in telling Hoss to bring a second load of goods? And where do you get off telling me how much supplies it takes to feed a hundred men? A hundred men? They're coming down from the hills a dozen at a time.
Well, this is all.
Understand? Absolutely all.
Well, where's the bill of fare? Adam, I can't write.
There you are, a snibber blot and I knew it.
It ain't like I didn't want to have learning, so don't stand there and look down your nose at me.
Annie, I wasn't criticizing you.
Well, you was, too.
You with your fine words and your grand airs.
Oh, really, what difference does it make? Now, just by luck, I happen to know how to write.
We're partners, aren't we? Mm-hmm.
All right.
Now, what's the name of our grand establishment? The Square Meal-- that's what they all say.
You know, I could have learned to write if I'd had a chance.
Of course you could.
There, how do you like that? My, ain't it grand and scrawly? (chuckles) Adam, could you learn me to write it out like that? Sure, I could.
Now for the bill of fare.
Let's see, um, ham and eggs and potatoes-- a dollar.
A dollar and a half.
Uh, uh, I ought to learn numbers first.
Adam, could you learn me numbers? Sure, I could.
A dollar and a half? Uh, make it two dollars.
A dollar and a half for mulligan by the plate.
Being in business, it's good for me to know numbers.
Adam, could you really learn me to write numbers? Could I teach you.
I don't know, could you? Oh, uh, two dollars for the stew.
The supplies are all unloaded, Mr.
Delmonico.
Oh, Himself would be so proud of me, being in business with such fine gentlemen.
Uh, Adam, we are running out of wood.
Will you cut some? Oh, I guess Annie doesn't know how scarce wood is around here.
I brought some from the Ponderosa right here in the wagon.
Start cutting it.
Adam.
Yeah? Look, in spite of me ways, there's a heart in me.
I mean Himself, but you see, he wouldn't want me grieving.
Ah, Adam, you're a good, kind man.
I'm doing no more than anyone else would do, Annie.
But you are.
Offering to learn me figures and how to write and all that and to speak like a real lady.
(laughs) You and me is going to make a million dollars.
You and I.
That's right, darling, the both of us.
ADAM: The Square Meal Restaurant was a howling success, and by the end of the first week, Annie O'Toole had enough money to take her back to San Francisco in style.
But Annie showed no inclination to leave, and I discovered that although she couldn't "write writin'," as she put it, she did have quite an eye for business.
There we are now.
No, no, no, no, no, Annie, I don't want any of the money because I got to get you back to San Francisco.
Now, listen to me, Adam, you're going to I tried my best to get out of that partnership with Annie, but Annie wouldn't hear of it.
Pa, too, had gotten in a lot deeper than he had planned.
I decided it was time for all of us to get out of here and get back to Ponderosa where we belonged.
HOP SING: What's the matter? You no like Hop Sing cooking? You like Miss Annie O'Toole? All right, I quit.
Simmer down, Hop Sing, will you? We've got enough trouble with that woman as it is.
Why don't you marry her, Adam, save us all this trouble? (chuckles) You know, if she doesn't stop grubstaking every miner that comes along, she'll wind up owning half the Comstock.
Hey, you know, you're making more money by accident than most men make on purpose, you know.
I tell you, I'm not her partner.
Yeah, well, don't tell me, tell her.
Boy, she can sure cook.
You go her house, eat.
You no like Hop Sing cooking.
Now, wait a minute, Hop Sing, that ain't what I meant.
That ain't what I meant.
(knocking) Mr.
Cartwright, I can talk to you? Swede, when'd you get back? Come on in.
Well, I've been back a couple of days.
Sit down.
No, thank you.
Oh, am I glad to see you.
We have a mutual friend in town-- Annie O'Toole.
Well, this here is what I come to talk about.
They tell me you settle all the complaints, Mr.
Cartwright.
Oh, we're just trying to establish some degree of order.
Why, what's wrong, Swede? Well, you see, when I left here I staked out two claims: the one I give to Annie and the other, I sell in San Francisco.
What's the difficulty? Well, I don't know which one I give to Annie and which one I sell.
Well, that should be simple enough.
Annie has her claim and I assume the man you sold to has his.
Adam, have you ever tried to reason with Annie O'Toole? Well, I guess we ought to look into it, Pa.
All right.
Come on.
Well, Mr.
Cartwright.
It seems clear enough, doesn't it? I am obviously the legal owner of the Swede Lundberg claim number two.
Yes, it would seem so, Mr.
Spain.
And by simple process of elimination, Annie O'Toole must own Swede Lundberg Claim number one.
Yes.
Then I insist you throw her off my property.
Mr.
Spain, we're not here to throw people out.
We're here to settle disputes.
Maybe we talk to Annie about this Ah! So it's you again, is it? Now, Annie, we, uh, we just want to get this thing straightened out.
Mr.
Spain here is Oh, Mr.
Spain, is it? Ain't we grand since we moved to Nob Hill.
Mr.
Gregory Spain.
Trap Door Gregory he was when I knew him.
Let's stick to the facts.
"The facts"? The facts you'll have.
The biggest thug and shanghai artist on the Barbary Coast, he was.
Mr.
Trap Door Gregory! Must I listen to this witch? You be careful what you call her.
And ain't you the fine one? Trading your claim to this scum here for a bottle of whiskey.
Annie, it wasn't a bottle, it was a keg.
And, well, it was for Himself.
A sort of a wake, it was.
Oh, a wake, was it? Why you didn't even know Himself had passed to his reward.
All very interesting.
Get them out of here.
I'll get a crew in here to tear down this restaurant.
The grave has to be moved, of course You snibber blot! You miserable, little snibber blot! Putting on airs with me! I knew you when you was picking pockets of drunks in the gutters, I did! And didn't Himself go to work for you when you first got into the shanghai business? Springing the trap doors, he did, under the bar stools.
The best trap-door springer you ever had.
You said so yourself.
Yeah.
Yeah, he was all right.
And did he ever come home with a dollar in his jeans? No, he didn't! You paid him his wages in whiskey, you did! Keep her away from me.
Ah! He ain't even worth denting me pan on.
Swede, is this claim number two? Or ain't it? Well, I-I think so.
I just don't remember.
You don't remember? Well, I I was sort of excited.
You was drunk, that's what you was! Annie, get your claim notice.
If this is claim number two and your notice says claim number one, then I'm afraid you're on the wrong property.
Oh, Adam.
Don't let him move Himself from his resting place.
Annie, we may have to.
I won't do it! Please Annie, get your claim notice.
Claim number two, you say? You read it, Adam.
You know how poor I am at reading.
Mr.
Spain, let me see your claim, please.
There.
Mm-hmm.
They're both for claim number two.
What?! You altered yours.
It's a forgery! I'll throw you out of here and Himself along with you! No, you won't! Now, now, now, now! This can all be settled, but not in this manner.
Come along, Mr.
Spain.
(grunts) Oh! Annie, this will get you no place.
Gregory Spain.
Snibber blot, thief, crook, that's what he is.
Accusing me.
Annie, one of these claim numbers has been altered.
Oh, Adam, I just don't understand business.
Annie, did you change your claim number? How could I do it? Now the claims are done with Roman numerals.
I don't know nothing about it.
I never met a Roman in my life.
Annie, is that what you did? Adam, you know I can't write.
Oh, all right, forget it.
Pa and I will straighten it out.
Don't you worry about it, darlin'.
For ten years, I've been waiting to get Trap Door Gregory in my clutches.
The way he done you out of your wages, and you the best trap door springer he ever had.
Don't you worry about it.
They won't be disturbing your rest.
Not unless that Trap Door Gregory pays for it, they won't.
I demand my rights! All right.
Now, Swede, surely there must be some way you can remember.
Which stake did you claim out first? That would be claim number one, wouldn't it? I just don't remember.
No, that wasn't it.
I think I got it.
I think I know.
I left my tools on claim number two.
My pick, my shovel.
And then I got excited.
You got drunk.
Then wherever we find the tools, that's claim number two.
And that's my claim.
Can you identify the tools? Well, yeah, sure.
I-I got the first letters of my name burned in the handles.
(crowd murmuring) Will that satisfy you, Annie? Oh, sure, sure, Adam.
I only want to do what's fair.
Well, I'd best be getting back to the restaurant.
(crowd murmuring) All right, all right, all right.
Now, quiet for a minute.
Here's what we'll do.
We'll go down to the claim and take a look.
And if the tools are there, that will be claim number two.
Agreed? (all agreeing) All right.
Sure hope those tools aren't on Annie's claim.
That Spain's a crook if I ever saw one.
There's some tools over there, all right.
I used a pick and a shovel when I dug that grave.
I was afraid of that.
All right, let's get at it.
Now, now, now, listen, darlin's, listen.
You can't go looking for tools on empty stomachs.
Give me one minute and I'll get the mulligan pot going.
Well, we didn't come here to eat.
We came here to see justice.
Sit down.
You'll get what's coming to ya.
I wish he would.
All right, Annie, bring on the food.
We're all for you.
I ain't hungry.
Annie, you promise you'll abide by our decision? Oh, yes, I will, Adam.
But that Trap Door makes me mad.
Strutting around like a peacock.
Just 'cause he's moved on to Nob Hill, he thinks he's a big typhoon.
Tycoon.
Typhoon is a big wind.
That's him.
I just don't understand it.
There was a pick and shovel back there.
She stole 'em, I tell you.
That's what she did.
She's tryin' to do me out of what's mine.
Oh, quit whining, will ya? We looked, didn't we? What's the matter, Mr.
Spain.
You got that other claim.
Why don't you go on over there and take it.
I ain't through with you yet, Annie O'Toole.
I'll have what's mine.
Why don't you go spring a trap door.
Come on, Little Joe.
Good-bye, ma'am.
Annie, I don't know what your game is.
Now there you go, suspecting me.
And me figuring the only man I could count on were you.
Was you.
Well, you wasn't.
Oh, Adam, I've known Trap Door most all me life.
A cutthroat, thief, that's what he is.
Oh, I can believe that.
And that's why I hate to see you antagonize him.
Now, look, Swede's other claim is near here.
Why don't we get the men and just move the restaurant.
But what about Himself? There'd be no need to disturb the grave.
And have him know that Trap Door was trampin' all over him? Himself would be turnin' end for end, he'd be that upset.
Oh, now, Adam, why do you doubt me? You seen me claim notice today, didn't you? Didn't it have the right number? And did they find the Swede's pick and axe and shovel? Now I ask you, did they? There's such a shortage of wood around here.
(with Irish brogue): Sure there is.
Looks like Spain's getting himself a crew.
He's been at it for the last hour.
Must have talked to ten or 12 men.
Yeah, he sure knows how to pick the tough ones, too.
Maybe they've decided to work claim number one.
I doubt it.
Why don't they just trade claims? After all, one's just about like another and besides, Annie has a father buried over there.
Isn't anything sacred around here? Not where silver is concerned.
It would seem that Mr.
Kevin Himself O'Toole is buried atop the richest strike ever made in the Washoe.
ADAM: Keeping the news of a big strike quiet is about as easy as hiding an elephant under a walnut shell.
Everyone wanted in on it.
From the looks of it, Annie was getting her share of the bonanza, too.
(excited chatter) (chatter subsides) Go ahead with your eating, gentlemen.
You won't disturb us one bit.
Now look, Spain, if you think you can run Annie off her claim Her claim, Mr.
Cartwright? Swede will you show me just where you dug your shaft when you made your required improvements? Improvements? Improvements? I guess I didn't make none.
I just knocked a hunk of assay rock off the ledge.
That's right, Swede.
You didn't make any improvements.
And according to miner's law in which you Cartwrights put such great stock, if the improvements are not made within ten days the claim is considered abandoned.
And also according to that same miner's law, it would be perfectly legal for me to shoot any man who tried to jump my claim.
Get to work, gentlemen.
Adam, can't you stop 'em? They're busting up the place! (gasps) Digging an experimental hole, gentlemen.
It's only a very small charge of powder, but perhaps you should stand back.
Give 'em the heave-ho! Give it to him! (laughing) (pistols cocking) (laughing) It's only fool's luck that someone wasn't killed.
And unless this thing gets settled, someone will be.
It's already settled! That's my claim and she's on it and I mean to throw her off! (angry shouting) Filthy thief you Quiet! Quiet, all of you! All of you! Now we had some semblance of law and order started here.
Let's don't lose it.
Now the way I see it, the only way to settle this is to hold a miner's court.
Hear all the evidence.
Everyone in camp acts as a jury.
(murmured agreement) I'll give you evidence.
Trap Door Gregory is a pickpocket what made good and that's all he is.
BEN: Miss, O'Toole.
I wouldn't take his word for the time of day! Annie, will you please be quiet.
Now, Pa, I think a miner's court is the right thing to do.
You have no right to think.
But, Pa, it's me, Adam.
As far as I'm concerned, young man, you are the partner of the defendant and if you say one more word to me before the trial, I'll fine you for trying to influence the referee.
(laughter) Adam, we have enough money.
Let's buy us another judge.
Annie.
I was only trying to help.
Will you stop trying to help before you land the both of us in jail? Mr.
Spain, how about you? Do you agree to the miner's court? Plaintiff agrees.
Miss O'Toole? I think you're a snibber Miss O'Toole agrees.
All right.
Now you have a half hour to prepare your cases.
(excited chatter) Annie, I may as well tell you right out, I don't think you have any legal right to this claim.
Well, Adam, I wasn't thinking of legal rights.
I was just trying to think about human rights.
You know, I'm human same as anybody else.
Of course you are, Annie.
Oh, I don't mean to complain, Adam.
But all these years I've worked hard, dreaming of one thing.
That someday I'd get to live like a lady.
Annie, why didn't you get married? Oh, I wanted to.
But nobody ever asked me.
Adam, you won't walk out on me now, will you? Don't you worry, I'm not gonna walk out on you.
Because I wouldn't know what to say at the trial.
Your pa, as good a man as he is, terrifies me with his ways.
I'll speak for you.
You will? You darling, you! Well, I got word you wanted to see me.
Is there any charge for this here show? Oh, Swede, I-I just wanted to talk to you.
Ja, sure, as soon as you get through lollygagging and kissing around, ja? Now, Swede, listen, uh Just a minute, Swede Lundberg! Don't you get snibber blot with me! Me snibber blot? Well, how about you, you and your talk about marriage all the time, and the fine house and you're going to make a fine gentleman out of me! Swede, listen And a sorry task it would be! Well, don't you bother-- you found a fine gentleman, a real fine one! Indeed I did find a fine one! Well, then why don't you marry him? That's what you wanted.
Go ahead, see if I care.
Swede, listen But I Swede! Now, Swede, listen! I ought to punch you right in the nose! Things look bad for Annie, Adam.
We've been keeping an eye on Spain.
He's been buying liquor and bribing every drunk in town.
There's more of those than there are of the others.
Looks like you got yourself a paid-off jury, older brother.
Court will come to order.
Take off your hats.
Mr.
Gregory Spain.
Your hat! My case is simple, and I'll throw myself entirely on the mercy of these honest men.
And the honorable judge.
I make no claims.
I ask only that the law of abandonment be upheld.
The assessment work ain't been done on the claim in question.
He's right.
SPAIN: That's all I got to say.
Your hat! (men laughing) Miss Annie O'Toole.
(low murmuring) Miss O'Toole! Adam, I need you.
BEN: Miss O'Toole! Please? Uh, as one of the partners of Cartwright and O'Toole, I'll present our case.
Now, the whole point here seems to be that, uh, no assessment work was done.
Well, I submit it was.
May I call a witness, uh Your Honor? Thank you.
Uh, Hoss Cartwright.
(indistinct chatter, man chuckles) (chatter continues) Now, Hoss, did you or did you not dig an exploration shaft on the disputed claim the very first day Miss O'Toole came to Virginia City? Yeah.
Yeah, I-I-I dug a hole Just answer the question.
Yes, sir.
I dug a hole six foot deep, six feet long and three foot wide.
Gentlemen that satisfies the requirements.
And there's not a thing in miner's law that says you can't bury a body in an exploration shaft and then fill it back up again.
Gentlemen, I ask that you rule in favor of Miss Annie O'Toole.
The assessment work was done! (cheering, shouting) Now, that's a fraud! Court's adjourned! (cheers, shouts) You're a thief and a crook! It takes one to recognize one! I can't fight the whole camp.
I know I'm buying my own claim, but I'll give you $5,000 in cash.
Trap Door, do you think I'd disturb Himself from his resting place for money? I wouldn't dream of it! At least not for that amount.
You will excuse us.
And to think of him sleeping there, right on top of a million dollars and not making a move to do anything about it.
And him who never before had a dime in his jeans.
Annie, if you'll only sell to me.
I'll not disturb Himself.
$7,500.
Ha-ha! Uh, $10,000 in cash.
Trap Door, you should never have done Himself out of his rightful wages.
I have a hunch he'll never listen to you until the price is twice the amount.
Why don't you go out and get a gun and rob stagecoaches? I seem to be doing all right without it.
(indistinct chatter, laughter) Hey, Hop Sing, is this what you do on your day off? Miss Annie teach Hop Sing make a very fine Chinese dish.
Hong Kong Mulligan.
(laughs) By and by, you no have to come to restaurant no more.
(laughter) Yeah! See? Ah, you're doing fine! Annie, Annie $25,000, hmm? I'll speak to Himself about it.
ADAM: I had finally convinced her I no longer wanted to be a partner in the restaurant, but I kept getting indications that I was still involved.
(Adam sighs) Hey, hey! Hey! Why didn't you tell us, Adam? You and Annie-- ain't it wonderful? What are you talking about? Hey, can you imagine, Pa? Adam and Annie getting married! Adam and Annie? Yeah.
Where's that Swede? Oh, he went prospecting.
Prospecting? Where? I don't know, I think he said Africa.
Hey, son, son, how far has this thing gone? It hasn't gone anywhere.
But it's about to.
Now, Adam, don't you hurt Annie's feelings.
It wasn't her feelings I was thinking about hurting.
(light knocking) (louder knocking) Annie, what's this about a wedding? How can there be a wedding when I don't even know where the Swede went? (relieved sigh): Oh the Swede.
Adam, he's still mad at me for what I done, said he never wanted to see me again.
And me loving him all these years.
Selling his claim for him! And getting all this money for him, too! Just you wait and see! There.
Annie, where did you get all this? Trap Door Gregory-- I sold out to him.
For this, and the best funeral for Himself that money can buy.
Why, there must there must be $20,000 here! Oh, $25,000.
This is the first down payment.
You see, I get five percent of the gross take of the mine for the rest of me natural life.
Oh, I tried hard to learn business from you, Adam.
I hope I done good.
(exhales): Five percent of the gross.
Annie, you've done real good.
I done it for Swede.
You did it.
That I did! But it's no more than fair-- it's what he should've had in the first place.
Oh, Adam I was going to move Himself on to the other claim.
The Swede and me was going to get married.
I was going to build a fine mansion and live like a real lady.
And now the Swede has gone off and left me.
Aw, don't you worry, Annie.
I'll take care of everything, for old time's sake.
Do you really think you could? Mm-hmm.
Oh, you're a darling man! Uh-uh.
(chuckles) (dirge playing) ADAM: It took a bit of doing, but we did it.
And it was quite a day.
Kevin Himself O'Toole had a funeral the Comstock would remember for a long time to come.
(dirge continues) And to make it stick in everyone's mind, it was the day Virginia City got its first fire engine.
But what really made it such a grand day was the fact that Trap Door Gregory Spain paid for every bit of it.
Uh, would you turn him around so he can see the new saloon? Then he'll know he's not in a heathen land.
Bonanza! Oh, no, not again! Gregory Spain's Lundberg number one became a famous mine.
But it wasn't one-tenth as rich as the one on the Swede's other claim, which turned into one of the most fabulous strikes of the whole Comstock lode.
The Swede? (Adam chuckles) No, he hadn't gone to Africa at all.
It meant rousting every saloon on the Barbary Coast, but, uh, we finally found him and even dried him out.
And after paying their respects to Himself and his ever-loving monument, The Lucky Stiff Mine, Mr.
and Mrs.
Lundberg embarked on a trip to Europe to soak up culture and achieve Annie's dream of really becoming a lady.
And when they came back, Annie and the Swede built themselves a great mansion on the road between Virginia City and Reno.
And I wouldn't be surprised if that mansion would still be there a hundred years from today.