Breadwinners (2014) s01e07 Episode Script

2 [Ducks quack.]
Both: buckle up, duckies, 'cause we got a rocket van delivering bread, flying quazy 'cause we can quazy, quazy [Ducks quack.]
Quazy 'cause we can - swaysway! - Buhdeuce! - Do a barrel roll, man! Both: Sweet! Buckle up, duckies, 'cause we got a rocket van delivering bread, flying quazy 'cause we can Booty kick it, party punch it shake your feathers, make your pants dance - Look out, we're gonna crash-land! Crash! - Faster, bap! Faster! We're gonna be late! - No way, we've never been late for a rush delivery-- except 1 or 2 or 70 times.
Hold on! - Okay, hot shot, I'm writing you up for trying too hard to be cool.
Breadwinners.
[Siren blaring.]
- Look out! We're headed right for that building! - That's no building, that's a shortcut.
[Horn honks.]
Crash! [Duck quacks.]
- [Spits.]
Crash! - Here you go, Mrs.
quackaducci! Your huckleberry spaghetti bread right on schedule.
- Quack! - We delivered bread on time - bread on time - bread on time we did a good job and you know that's not a crime - Actually, it is a crime.
You just wracked up an unprecedented 701 traffic violations.
- Please, rambamboo, no more.
- Yeah.
We surrender.
- Sorry, I don't take prisoners.
But I am taking your drivers' license.
Ha! [Both gasp.]
Both: No! Anything but that! - And the only way you can get it back is by going to traffic school! - We've never been to traffic school before.
- Or any school, for that matter.
Both: [Chanting.]
School! School - You wingnuts aren't supposed to be happy about this.
Both: [Rapidly chanting.]
- That's it! Two tickets for unlawful celebrating! Both: Whoo-hoo! [Ducks quacking.]
- Okay, class, quit your quacking! We're here to learn about traffic safety.
We're not here to have fun! - Yo! Who's ready to have some fun? - Yip! Yip! Yipitty-yip-yip! - You two are late! - Sorry, we were picking out an apple for our new favorite teacher.
- Yo, teach.
What's up? - I am not eating that.
- That's not an eatin' apple.
That's a throwin' apple! - Hoo-wah! Oh.
Heh-heh.
There you go.
All nice and clean.
- [Grumbles.]
Lesson one.
The driver's seat.
Proper seating is-- gah! - [Blows whistle.]
Pass incomplete! - Sorry about that! Just practicing for the big game.
- There is no big game! This is traffic school, not a regular school.
- Wait! Before you say anything more, I have a question.
Will you be my prom date? - [Giggles.]
Why, I'd be honored to-- wait! There is no prom.
This is traffic school.
So shut your beaks and take your seats! Now, then, place your hands on the steering wheel of your training desk and imagine you're driving.
- Okay, imagination, do your thing.
- Now you're driving along.
It's a peaceful day.
There's not a monster in sight.
- Monster? [Monster roars.]
- Ah! Monster! Help! My imagination is trying to eat me.
- You got this, bap! Do a barrel roll! - Whoa! [Grunts.]
Thanks, bap.
You really saved my beak.
- Don't you goose eggs get it? If you don't get serious, you'll never get your driver's license back.
- But we got to get it back so we can fly the rocket van and deliver awesome bread.
- Please, just tell us what we have to do, yo.
- First off, do not "yo" me! And second, you have to cram everything in this book into those thick skulls of yours! - Then let's get crammin'.
[Grunts.]
Oh, yeah, you gettin' learned, son! - I'm feeling smarter already! - No! I meant, you need to study! - What? I can't hear you! There's too much knowledge in my head! - Argh! Forget it! Just watch this movie.
- A movie? Aw, yeah, we love movies! - I hope it's in 3-d.
- Shh, shh, shh.
It's starting.
"Be safe or be toast!" - Driving a vehicle is no laughing matter.
[Both laughing.]
- This is the best comedy I've seen all year! - This cautious Mallard looks both ways before crossing.
But this irresponsible driver is distracted.
[Duck quacking.]
[Crashing.]
[Explosion.]
- Nooo! Not the bread! - Those tiny sesame seeds were so young! - Now do you see why driving safely is so important? - No.
But We'll do whatever it takes to get our license back, even if it means studying.
- Yeah, we won't rest until we know everything in that thing you call a book.
- [Grunts.]
Chapter one-- [snoring.]
- Bread.
- [Snoring.]
- Bread.
Bread.
- [Snoring.]
- Bread.
- Wake up already! - [Gasps.]
What? How long were we out? - Two weeks.
You slept through the entire course.
- [Yawns.]
Two weeks of beauty sleep? I feel gorgeous! - Fortunately, you woke up just in time for your final exam.
You have exactly one hour! And if you fail, say good-bye to your license for-- both: Finished! - What? Gimme those.
[Scanner beeping.]
Leapin' lilypads! You both passed! Even though all you did was draw funny pictures of me! - Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! - Yeah! - We passed! - The written test, yes.
But you still have to pass The driving test.
I spent years creating the most dangerous, the most deadly, the most bone-crunching driving test known to duck.
And then they made me shut it down and replace it with this.
[Both sigh.]
- But if you mess up even once, you're looking at a lifetime of public transportation! [Both shudder.]
- Buhdeuce, it's time for us to drive like we've never driven before-- safely! [Video game sounds blipping.]
Crash! - Not bad.
You two might actually pass.
The finish line is just up ahead, so all you have to do is-- - take a shortcut! - No, no, no, no, no! We're headed right for the most dangerous, most deadly, most bone-crunching driving test known to duck! All: Rings of fire? [All groaning.]
Blades of steel? Aaaaaaahhh! Big punchy fists of pain? [All grunting.]
- And don't forget the big boot of doom.
[All grunt.]
[All screaming.]
- So how'd we do? - F! - F as in "fantastic"? - Fabulous? - First mate? - Flyin' high! - Forget about it! - Frozen yogurt? - F, as in, forget getting your license back, forget flying the rocket van, and forget delivering bread ever again! - No! - Please! Delivering bread is everything to us.
- Yeah, it's our bread and butter! Minus the butter.
- Better luck next crime.
Hey, hot shot! You're up! And remember, no hot-shotting! Zoom! Whoa! You're going too fast! Whoa, whoa, whoa! [Grunting.]
Help! Bones! Crunching! Bleh! - We got to fly out there and save her.
- But we don't have a license.
- Right.
We can't fly a vehicle, but nothing says we can't fly a buhdeuce! - Oh, pump me up! [Grunting.]
[Air farting.]
- Help! Hurry! But not too fast, or else I'll have to give you a ticket.
- Do a barrel roll, man! Yeah, boy! - Yeah! Nice flyin', b! Now let's bring her in for a safe landing.
[Air farting.]
[All screaming.]
Boom! - Gentlebaps, due to your heroic exploits today, I'm reluctantly changing your grade from an "f" to a "p," as in pass.
You've got your license back.
- Awesomeness! Thanks, rambamboo.
We promise we've learned our lesson.
You won't be seeing us again anytime soon.
- Yip, yip! Zoom! - In three, two, one.
Crash! - So, uh, when does the next semester start? - Ooh! And when are football tryouts? [Tires squealing.]
Zoom! [Duck quacks.]
- Hoo-wah! - Ah, the beautiful lower yeast side.
[Auto-tuned sirens blaring.]
Okay, this place is crawling with trouble.
You stay here and keep watch while I deliver the jelly-filled alfalfa.
- Stay here? Alone? With them? - Buhdeuce, do you see all that righteous bread in there? - Yeah, I don't know, maybe I guess.
- Each and every one of those grains is counting on you to keep them safe while I'm gone.
It's your duty as a breadwinner - You're right, swaysway.
I will guard this rocket van better than any guard dog [Barking.]
Better than any security system [Lasers zapping.]
And better than any jockstrap! [Grunting.]
- I knew I could count on you.
Hang tight, big guy.
I'll be back in a quack! - Hanging tight! Nobody, no one, no nothing will stop me from doing my duty as a-- aw, heh-heh, dropped your rubber ducky.
Let me get that for you.
She is just so cute! Oh, my bap, you must be so proud of this precious bundle of joy.
You know, I've got my own precious bundle, of bread.
Yeah.
I'm keeping watch on it right now.
It's no big deal or anything, but swaysway-- he's my best bap-- he put me in charge of keeping watch.
'Cause he trusts me.
Ooh, I just wanna eat you up like a loaf of bread.
Yes, I do.
Ow! Someone needs to teach someone's child some manners.
- [Quacks.]
- Yo, buhdeuce, delivery accomplished! Now are you ready to deliver more-- bread? Where is all our bread? - I don't know! It was there a second ago.
- Aw, crummers, man.
We got bread-jacked! What happened? You were supposed to keep watch.
- I was, then I saw a baby chick and-- - you got distracted.
- I failed.
I failed my duty as a breadwinner.
- Buhdeuce, buddy, duck hugs.
We'll get to the bottom of this.
- How we gonna do dat? - By searching for clues.
Both: L-l-l-l-level up! Detective ducks! - All right.
Whoever burgled our bread must have left a clue behind.
Check it out, I found something! - Buh All I see is my toe.
[Girl screams.]
- No, not that! This! - Bread crumbs? - A trail of bread crumbs.
- Wow, sway, how do you do it? - It's elementary, my dear bap.
- [Chomping.]
Bubblegum rye.
Lumpernickel.
Jelly-filled alfalfa.
[Chomping.]
Yip! Yip! This is our bread all right.
- [Gasps.]
Look! The bread bandits! - Uh, maybe we should call the tadpolice.
- This is no time to think things through rationally.
Come on! [Ducks quacking.]
There seem to be quite a few ducks here of extraordinary strength.
- Whoa! An underground food fight club.
- I've heard about these places.
Some of the toughest, roughest, duckiest ducks around come down here to battle.
No rules.
No refs.
Just savage duck-on-duck fighting.
- And they're fighting with weapons made of bread.
Our bread! Both: Ooh! - This is outrageous! - This is delicious! - Exactly! Our bread is meant for eating, not for beating! - Yeah, we've got to stand up to these crumb-bags and stop them.
On second thought, I've got, like, two loads of laundry to do.
- Me too.
Let's ski-duckle.
[Ducks quack.]
Both: Ahh! Splat! - This can't be good.
- Definitely not good.
- Silence! Crunch! - Who's dat? - I think it's their leader.
Both: [Gasping.]
T-midi? - Actually, down here I'm known as muscle daddy.
Who runs food fight club? [All cheering.]
Muscle daddy runs food fight club! Don't tell mother, though.
She would not approve.
- So you're behind all this? But why? You love bread.
- Precisely, breadwinners.
I love all aspects of bread: The smell of bread, the taste of bread, even the brutality of bread.
- Brutality of bread? Have you gone quazy? - [Chomping.]
What makes you say that, buhdeuce? [Chomping.]
- Now, listen, t-midi-- or muscle daddy-- just let us go, and we promise we won't report you to the authorities for, like, I don't know, a whole hour.
Deal? Deal.
- Sorry, boys.
But you can't leave unless you fight.
It's the first rule of food fight club.
- No way.
I'm a loafer, not a fighter.
- Yeah, we are out of here.
Both: Ah! Ah! Ah! - Fine, then! Bring it on! I don't care! I'll do this thing right now! - That's right! You messin' with the wrong featherweights.
- Let us at 'em.
Who do we got to fight? - [Chuckles.]
That's the best part.
You two have to fight each other! [Both gasp.]
- Two ducks enter, one duck leaves! Two ducks enter, one duck leaves! Two ducks enter, one duck leaves! - So mathematically speaking, that's, like, not good, right? - Don't worry, bap.
Just follow my lead.
Ding! If it's a savage food fight you want, then it's a savage food fight you shall get! [Grunts.]
- Ow! You hurted me.
[Grunts.]
- Ow-chee-wah-wah! I am in pain.
[All jeering.]
- Enough of this fakery! Do not mock food fight club! If you two ever want to leave, you must fight for real.
Now choose your breadly weapons! [Groans.]
- We have to fight.
No faking.
No mercy.
No calling Uncle.
- What? No way! We are best baps! Nothing you can say can make me food fight you.
- It's your duty as a breadwinner - You had to pull the "duty as a breadwinner" card, didn't you? - That's right, and don't hold back.
It's got to look real, so give me everything you've got.
And don't worry; You're way too small to hurt me anyway-- agh! - Duty! Must do my duty! And this time, I won't get distracted.
- W-w-w-w-w-whoa.
Ow-chee-wah-wah.
I'm in pain.
I'm seriously in pain this time.
- Nice acting, sway.
- I'm not acting! - Sure.
Now let me do my duty and clobber your beak off! Hoo-wah! - I'm warning you, man.
Stay back.
I know how to use these.
[Whooping and grunting.]
Oh [Giggles.]
Duckies.
- Duty.
Must do my duty.
- N-n-n-n-n-no! Not the crust bow! - Ooh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, the crust bow! [Zapping.]
- [Grunting.]
[Gasps.]
Dude, you broke my hat.
Oh, now sway gonna make you pay! [Chainsaw buzzing.]
Oh, yeah! I got the grain saw! [Laughs maniacally.]
Quaaaaaack! - Quaaaaaack! Both: Quackity-quack, quack-quack-quack-quack-quack.
- Sheesh-uh-roo-roo.
[Explosion.]
- Are you ready for round two? - I'm more than ready.
I'm bready.
[Both roaring.]
- [Grunting.]
- Take that! - Oh, yeah, you want some? - You got nothing! [Both grunting.]
Both: Eat my bread! - Stop! I never thought I'd say this, but you two are too out-of-control for my food fight club.
- Your food fight club? Oh, no, t-midi, not anymore.
This is our bread.
- And this is our club now! [Chomping.]
- Who runs food fight club? - Swaysway and buhdeuce run food fight club! Both: Swaysway and buhdeuce run food fight club! - That's right.
Both: Swaysway and buhdeuce run food fight club! - Yeah, boy! Both: Swaysway and buhdeuce run food fight club! Crash! [Sirens blaring.]
- All right, party's over! I'm busting up this illegal underground food fight club! Now, who runs this thing? [Both laughing nervously.]
- Swaysway and buhdeuce run food fight club.
- In that case, you two are headed to jail rock for a weekend in the slammer.
Both: Aw! Not the weekend.
[Both grunt.]
- Aw, bubble nuggets! I won't survive a day in the slammer.
- Yes, you will.
'Cause it's your duty as a breadwinner - Speaking of duty, I got to use the toilet.
You mind turning around? - R-r-r-r-r-rocket van - delivering bread in the rocket van my name is swaysway and this buhdeuce - yip, yip - yeah-heh-heh duck party! Get Jenny quackles in here.
I'm a duck, he's a duck quack-quack, quicky-quack-quack-a-duck Ricky-wicky-wicky, Ricky-wicky - rocket van