Brews Brothers (2020) s01e07 Episode Script

[Becky] You know the fridge broke again?
[Elvis] I think it's supposed to be
a hotter fridge.
- Hey, you're back. How was Vegas?
- [Becky] Hey. The ushe.
- Yeah.
- There's only so many times
you can trip on Molly
and then shroom in the back of a cab
with a pirate from Treasure Island
until you're just like, "Where am I?"
- [laughs]
- Wow!
How do you guys stay so good-looking
and party so much?
Two things, my man:
regular enemas, organic foods.
Regular enemas with organic foods,
of course.
It really works.
- Hello, Becky.
- Oh!
Elvis, good day to you.
I am so excited to be here
for this fun reunion.
Hey there, little man.
Haven't seen you guys since, uh
[clears throat]yeah.
Since the three of you
were gonna have sex,
but only two of you did?
- Yeah.
- Was it Oh, it was you two. Right.
- A gentleman does not kiss and tell.
- [Becky chuckles]
Oh, I will. If I may, um, your brother
is an excellent, excellent lover.
Ooh, is he?
His balls definitely got
the attention they needed.
Please tell me
he didn't neglect the shaft.
- [Elvis] No.
- [Becky] Nope.
He was grabbing at the bottom.
Are you familiar with Go-Gurt?
- Sure, yeah.
- It's a tube of yogurt.
Yes. It was very much like using
a tube of yogurt.
Sometimes, you know what you gotta do.
- So, thank you.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
- Question: Where is Truffle?
- [Becky] Mm-hmm.
Last I saw him, he was playing poker
for 36 hours straight,
coked out of his mind.
Pocket aces! Ha ha!
Yeah! Praise the Lord and pay the bitch!
[snorts, sighs]
There's, like, PCP notes
and a slight baby laxative finish.
[sniffs]
Last I heard, he married himself
at the Little Chapel,
and then he scaled the outside
of the Luxor, all the way to the top.
He consummated his love to himself.
[tires screech]
What the hell, man?
You almost just hit me!
Relax. It's all good.
What? How is almost taking off my head
"all good," Fabio?
[man] Sorry, sweetie.
"Sweetie."
[growls, shouts]
- [Adam] Oh.
- [glass shatters]
Hey, guys. How was Vegas?
[theme music playing]
[bottle pops open]
[slurping] Mmm!
Hey, Sarah, have you considered
seeing anyone about your anger issues?
No, what do you mean?
He's referring
to the "Hulk smash" incident
just moments ago.
[Elvis]
When Becky and I are uncentered,
we go to this little art class up
in Topanga Canyon.
I didn't go for the longest time,
'cause I was like, "I can't do art,"
but it turns out literally anyone
can make art, and it's all good.
Um, I think I'm gonna pass. I'm good.
Excuse me. Can I speak with the owner?
Hi. I-I am the owner.
Unless you're asking
about a smashed mirror,
- at which point this is Adam, the owner.
- [Adam chuckles]
Well, I am a huge fan of Rodman's.
Well, I always have time for a fan,
and I admire your exquisite palate.
I'm Adam Rodman, brewmaster.
Wilhelm Rodman, owner/proprietor.
Hmm. Interesting.
Those words are actually synonyms.
- There's a subtle difference.
- I'd say the difference
is between people who know
what those words mean
and people who don't.
[scoffs] Okay.
- Hey, Chuy.
- [Chuy] Huh?
Could we get a Weiss Power
for my friend
- What was it?
- Oh, Heidi.
Heidi.
Oh, wow, he's totally flirting with her.
- You gotta watch this car crash.
- Thanks, I'm good.
She's so his type.
I-I guarantee he's about
to start speaking German.
- [speaking German]
- Ugh.
[in English] I took German in high school,
so not great.
But my grandparents are German.
I have always said
that I would marry European or regret it.
- [Heidi laughs]
- [Adam] Oh, no!
I've never seen that line work.
They're gonna have sex.
- Shut up.
- Oh, my God.
I just imagine it. When they start going,
they're like, "Oh, my God!"
That's him. "This is amazing!
Ich bin Wilhelm!"
And he's coming, and he goes
[moans]
And he is sobbing.
"Oh, God,
why do I have to glue pubes to my face
to feel like a man?"
She's like, "I gotta get out of here."
He's like [moans]
"I can't make a good beer
to save my life."
Boom, he's asleep.
She's like, "Okay, it's over.
I'm finally safe."
And then, boom, he wakes up again.
He looks in her eyes, grabbing her arms.
He's like [grunts]
He goes a second time,
and then she goes,
"Fuck it. Let's get married."
And he goes, "Oh, okay."
This is disturbing. Are you disturbed?
- I don't care.
- Hey!
Who knocked off my mirror?
I did.
What are you gonna do about it, "sweetie"?
- I'm gonna make you pay
- [grunting]
Whoo!
How do you like me now, little red Thor?
I meant "pay for a new mirror
and have our insurance companies
work it out." [groans]
What time is that art class?
- Now.
- [man groans]
[wind chimes tinkling]
[sighs]
Is everything okay?
Oh, yeah. No, it's it's better now
that I took down the wind chimes.
- I couldn't really hear myself think.
- Oh, don't think. Feel.
- [Becky] Hmm.
- And then don't feel.
[both] Art.
It's definitely working,
'cause normally gibberish like that
would make me want
to beat the shit out of someone, so
- Good.
- Yeah. What are you guys painting?
The Tantric Orgasm, Number 11.
Oh, God. Um, you don't have to show
Oh, wow. That's way less penetration
than I was expecting.
- [Elvis] Huh.
- The same amount of canned goods.
- That is soup, right?
- Soup, yes. We have to do another one.
- [Becky] Ready?
- [Elvis] Ready.
[unzips]
What are you doing?
Oh, sorry.
I think you might be confused
because you're blocking my penis
with your palette.
How else do you think we got
the long, soft brush strokes?
[man] I taught him the technique,
but as you can see,
the novice has become the master.
I could still very much use your guidance.
- I'm happy to help.
- Oh, please.
[man] Looks like the brush is ready.
It's a hairless brush now.
- [Becky grunts]
- Some more blue. More blue.
More white, more white, more white.
Blue, blue, more blue.
White, blue, white, blue.
In the style of Jackson Pollock!
[Wilhelm]
You know, I'm not a very religious person,
but I've found that churches don't like it
when you pee on them. Yeah.
If you're thinking, "There's no way
a German priest would know Krav Maga,"
- you are wrong!
- [laughing]
Heidi.
Uncle Norris! How was your trip?
Well, my Harley almost wiped out
on its own oil leak
outside of Bakersfield.
I had to retape the entire drain plug.
I get that.
[laughs] This is Wilhelm.
You're the guy who makes Weiss Power.
Ooh, that is one darn fine beer.
Yeah, that's me. I'm the guy.
Well, goddamn, you're as cute
as my niece said you were.
You can join our club anytime.
You're definitely 8-Ball's type.
Oh, yeah.
- A gay biker club! Very cool.
- [laughs]
Okay, how about a tour?
- What?
- This is my apprentice Chuy.
Now, before we can really get
into my ales,
it is important to review the history
of beer
in the ancient civilization of Sumeria.
- Cool iron cross.
- [chuckles]
Thanks, brother. You got a good eye.
A lot of people don't care about history.
I was literally just getting into history.
Turn the attention back here.
I know a lot about Germany,
and some of my closest friends call me
a "Germophile."
No one calls him a Germophile,
and that's not what that means.
This guy's a keeper.
Actually, I lived in Germany and Belgium
for a few years,
and I brought back a bunch of cool stuff.
Can I show it to you?
- Absolutely.
- You are gonna love this.
Get them some free beer!
Hey, you guys like weird socks?
He's gonna show them
the Brandenburg Gate snow globe.
That's so boring.
I was gonna show them a dense lecture.
They would have loved it.
Muchacho.
Round of Weiss Power.
- And grab us some tacos.
- [laughing]
Why are you laughing?
Are you stupid-o?
Or do you no hablo inglés-o?
[laughing]
[continues laughing] You want a beer?
[singing in German]
Hey, there's something off
about those guys.
What? What do you mean?
They were rude to Chuy.
They were talking to him
like he was a moron.
Chuy's pretty wonderful,
but he's not the smartest fuckin' bulb
in the shed.
I'm sure a smart bulb is a thing,
so I'll give you that,
but there's something weird
about those guys. Just make them leave.
No. Don't do this thing where you try
and ruin my social life.
That's not something I do.
That's not my style.
Really? Remember when I got
on the soccer team and you didn't,
so you spread the rumor that the goalie
was talking shit about me,
so I walked into Algebra 1 class
and just socked him in the face?
The team found out, and they cornered me.
Okay, but you came away
from that experience
with a great new nickname: Squeaker.
It's not my fault I pass gas
when I get nervous.
I'm like a squid squirting ink
protecting itself from a predator.
All I wanted is for Rodman's
to be a cool hang,
and now that that is happening,
and you are somehow not a part of it,
you want to ruin it.
You're a jealous, jealous asshole.
I am not jealous!
[farts]
Welcome back, Squeaker.
I don't know. I just found art therapy
class really relaxing, you know?
Although it did expose me to a couple
Becky-Elvis images that I can't unsee.
I can't unsee anything.
Once I see something, it's there.
- No going back.
- [Sarah] Okay.
Well, I'm not completely finished yet,
but
I'm really proud of it.
- [sighs]
- [Adam groans]
Oh, my God. Did this really happen?
No. In the real fight,
I just choked her out.
This is just a depiction
of what I wanted to do.
I call it "What I Wanted to Do."
Wow. You got real talent.
What? Really?
- [Adam] The fuck?
- Oh, my God, you're so sweet.
[Norris] I mean it. Guys, check this out.
Wow, that is so powerful.
- [Norris] How much you want?
- You want my art?
Absolutely. I'm into your style.
It's Warhol-meets-anime,
but to be honest,
I just love the fact that you're
beating the shit out of that broad.
- Totally our message.
- [laughs]
- Couple hundred bucks sound good?
- Oh, yeah, thank you so much.
I'll just get something
to wrap it up with.
[Adam] Probably buying it
to get it out of here.
Muchacho, another round for the boys.
Coming up.
Who wants to hear about my trip
to Belgium and the Fatherland?
[Norris] Please!
[Wilhelm] Good. But first
I'll tell you about something
you will not find on a postcard:
German people's struggle in Belgium.
I lived there for years,
and I saw it firsthand.
The Flemish and French Belgians
keep trying to stop us German-speaking
Belgians from getting our independence.
Those bastards.
We just want to be called East Belgium.
Don't force us to be [speaking German]
- You know what I mean.
- And I'm out.
The rest of the country
treats us German folks
like second-class citizens,
always served last at Parliament dinner,
so good luck getting any eel
in green sauce.
And don't get me started on our treatment
at krachtbal tournies. Oof!
What's krachtbal?
Only the greatest sport ever played.
- It was created by a Flemish gym teacher.
- Like all great sports.
- How do you play?
- I'll show you,
the same way I learned how
to change a tire
and correctly remove a tick
YouTube.
[shouting] Krachtbal!
Hello, Internet. I am Stojan.
I know what you wonder.
How did Stojan get
this gorgeous girlfriend?
How did get Skoda?
I have one answer for you.
I invent krachtbal.
Also I am gym teacher middle school.
- Okay
- [Adam] Oh, God.
[Chuy] Nice tracksuit.
I am captain of Hoogstraten Groen Paling
krachtbal team.
And what is krachtbal? Let us show us!
In krachtbal, two teams of four guys
face off against each other
- on field 14 meters by 26 meters.
- [Chuy] Found it.
First internet video
that I can't jerk off to.
There are two kind of throw.
First is neck throw.
Two hands above head
I could probably jerk off to that.
And, of course,
a very difficult back throw.
Like so.
- [bones crack]
- [groans]
Oh, my vertebrae!
A player can score by landing ball
in goal area.
One point for neck throw.
Three points for back throw.
Time to celebrate!
Oh, I get it.
This is like a therapy session
for weak-chinned celibate dudes
like you, right?
[blows whistle]
[Stojan]
Krachtbal halftime with healthy snack
of beer, warm cheese and pickled herring.
Delicious and refreshing
like moist towelette.
[blows whistle] Super fantastic!
Best non-contact sport
with oversized ball ever.
Hey, Olympics, here we come. Krachtbal!
Seriously, what decade
was that video from?
- July.
- That's a recent video?
That game looks like so much fun.
- Krachtbal just made my bucket list.
- Man, I can't wait to play this sport.
It's like soccer,
but you get to use your hands,
and it sucks.
Classic Chuy mislead.
[Wilhelm] No whammy!
- Yes!
- Seriously? How do you keep beating me?
Sure you're not a professional cornholer?
It's not a lifestyle choice.
- God made me this way.
- [laughing]
- Another game?
- [Wilhelm] Let's do it.
Sorry, Uncle Norris. Will promised
he'd show me how to make beer.
Yes, that is exactly
what we're gonna go do.
Hey, your brother says
you're the brains behind Weiss Power.
- Thanks for making a beer for the ages.
- Hmm. My pleasure.
I definitely wanna get that tour later.
You got it. Good dude. Good dude.
Hey, they kicked another keg
of the Weiss Power.
I think I might have been wrong
about Norris. I think he's a good guy.
He is not a good guy.
[Adam] No, I think I just misjudged him.
Oh, boss,
you should have trusted your gut.
He's definitely not a good guy.
[Adam] Is that a swastika?
I knew there was something off
about these guys.
- They're Nazis!
- [Chuy] Son of a bitch.
- [Adam] Mother
- [Chuy laughs] Oh.
- Whoops! False alarm.
- [laughs, groans]
- God, I feel bad I called him a Nazi.
- I know.
I jumped to Nazi
just 'cause it kinda looked like
Shits on a tit.
[Heidi] Are you ready
for your special surprise?
Holy shit!
You look amazing, Heidi.
Do you like it?
[speaks German]
Good. Yeah. Cool. [panting]
[yodeling]
- [Adam] Wilhelm, I gotta talk to you.
- What?!
Oh, wow, St. Pauli's girl!
Got a sex play that's 50 Shades of Sad
going on in here, huh? [laughs]
Adam, what are you doing here?
There's a sock on the door. Go.
[Adam] A sock. I noticed,
but it's been so long
since you've hooked up
that I couldn't remember what it meant,
and I thought it just meant,
"Look, I found a sock."
- Get the fuck out.
- [Adam] No.
Gimme two minutes, and I'll leave.
Don't pull up like it's a negotiation.
- Adam, please roll out of here.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, but you gotta come with me.
- Okay.
- [Adam] Two minutes?
Two minutes. Heidi, I am so sorry.
Get settled in. The bed is very comfy.
Uh, he's got, like,
a minute and 56 seconds.
No, it'll be a full two.
[Wilhelm]
This better be fucking important.
I am at goddamn full staff.
I noticed that when you knocked it into me
as we were walking through the doorway,
and it is important.
Norris has a Nazi tattoo.
What?
I know! Your new BFFs
are white supremacists.
- This is a new low.
- You took the words out of my mouth.
I was gonna say "it's a new low."
It's a new low for you.
It is one thing to be jealous,
but to accuse a gang
of lovely, gay biker dudes
of being white supremacists
What the fuck is wrong with you?
I'm not lying.
No, you are just pissed
that I am getting some,
and Becky doesn't wanna have anything
to do with you.
Fuck off!
Well, I'll see you
in two and a half minutes.
Two!
I bet he came as he walked away.
All right. Sorry about him,
about that other whole thing.
Let's reset.
Where were we in the beer-making process?
Come here and I'll show you.
[speaks German]
[chuckles awkwardly]
- What did your brother want?
- Nothing.
- Don't mention Adam.
- [laughs]
He thinks your uncle and his buddies
are white supremacists.
[Heidi] Oh. [laughs]
They are.
Hmm. Oh. Are you?
I dabble.
- [dramatic music plays]
- Oh.
Okay. Bitch-ass.
Okay, I'll show them.
[sighs] Here we go.
[mutters]
I got something special for you, muchacho.
[sighs]
It's like a mountain stream for my balls.
[grunts] Washing machine.
[grunting]
[laughs]
Taste my balls, bitch.
Taste my fuckin' balls.
- [Adam] Hey, buddy.
- What's up?
[Adam] Oh, let me just
- I'm just so parched, man.
- No, dude! Wait, wait, wait! Ah, shit!
[gulps]
Ah, that's my bad.
- I, uh
- I make amazing beer.
- I was just gonna say that.
- [Adam] This is amazing.
- It's, like, musky. It's
- Mm-hmm.
- [Adam] It's thick.
- Yep.
Wilhelm does not believe
these guys are Nazis.
- You gotta help me convince him.
- Okay, I can do that.
- Thank you. I needed all of this. [grunts]
- Yeah.
Hey, uh fuck it.
[wind chimes tinkling]
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hey, you guys!
- How's it going?
I'm just working on my next piece.
I'm trying to figure out
if me disemboweling someone
and then hanging them up
by their intestines is a tad repetitive.
[muttering]
Sarah, your paintings
make everyone feel deeply
So deeply.
- Really? You're just saying that.
- [Elvis] No, it's true.
But the feeling is bad,
because the art is scary
- and it makes everyone uncomfortable.
- Yeah.
I make people feel uncomfortable? [laughs]
You paint with your dong.
Sorry, but the group voted.
Sarah
it's time to put the wind chimes
back up.
- Oh, that was good.
- Yeah.
All right, I'm sorry, you were right.
Heidi said they're white supremacists.
I told you something was off
about them.
- You were looking out for me.
- Mm-hmm.
Does that mean that kid from my team
really was talking shit about me?
No, actually. He really liked you a lot.
I was just jealous,
and I wanted you to suffer. Yeah.
You have some hair in your teeth.
- Hair?
- [Wilhelm] Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
- Oh, wow. Huh. Hey, you got a hair, too.
- Huh?
- Yeah.
- Huh. Must be an eyelash. Make a wish?
- [Adam] Oh.
Yeah, great. How random.
Clink.
- [blows] I hope you die first.
- World peace.
[chattering, laughing]
[Adam] Yeah,
we gotta not sell beer to racists.
I mean, they're not the worst people.
No, Nazis are literally
the worst people ever in history.
Okay, but what if, like, for every dollar
we take from them,
that's one Nazi dollar they can't spend
on Nazi things?
Wilhelm, Adam, come join us!
What? Yeah, I'll be right there.
- Right, they gotta go.
- Yeah.
- You'll have to amputate that arm.
- Uh-huh.
[laughs]
I'm gonna take your Weiss Power down
to brown town, bitch.
Yeah.
- [sighs] Oh.
- [loud bang]
What the fuck? Did this thing break again?
[grunting]
[shouts] Aww, shit.
What the fuck are you doing here?
I fuckin' live here.
I'm a fuckin' Founder, bitch.
- We don't want any trouble man, okay?
- Can you be a fucking ally?
- Black power!
- Too far. Too far.
No, okay, you guys gotta go.
We don't want your kind here.
That's what I'm talking about.
You heard him. Get out of here.
No, you. You guys need to go now.
You want us to leave? That's homophobic.
We're not kicking you out
because you're gay.
We're kicking you out
because you're fucking white supremacists.
Aren't you guys, too?
What? Why would you think that?
Your beer is called Weiss Power.
"White power."
White beer is a kind of wheat beer,
and it's the strongest white
I've ever made!
You are so done naming the beers.
And we're getting rid
of all your schwarze dong stout.
[Wilhelm] Okay.
Oh, hell no! You too, motherfucker?
- [Wilhelm] Ooh.
- Oh, no, it's me, Chuy.
Can you guys not see me?
Oh fuck, I'm a ghost.
[sobbing] I'm fucking dead.
I never got to eat shrimp.
I never masturbated with my left.
- [Adam] We can see you and hear you.
- Oh.
Never looked better.
- [Sarah] Hey, guys.
- Oh, Sarah, thank God you're back.
Yeah, art class finished early.
- [wind chimes tinkling]
- [soothing music playing]
- [shrieking]
- [screams] Not cool!
[screaming]
[shouts]
[whimpers]
[growls]
[screams]
Anyway, what's going on here?
Well, we're trying to kick
these racists out, but they won't leave.
They're racist?
Damn it. They really liked my painting.
I actually found it derivative
and fairly gauche.
Hoo-hoo! Okay. We're done here.
There's only one way to settle this.
[bones crack]
[Adam] Krachtbal?
This isn't even close
to what I was thinking.
If we win, you guys get on your bikes
and go home.
I can live with that.
But if we win, you mongrel-loving
race traitors get the fuck out,
'cause this is our new clubhouse.
Okay.
Let the first krachtbal game
in the United States begin!
Krachtbal! Super fantastic!
They play. Okay. [blows whistle]
Yay!
[grunts]
Score, yeah!
Come on!
- [both grunt]
- [Adam] Oh, Will
Thought you people
were supposed to be fast.
I mean, I was before I was a Founder.
Try drinking 17 beers a day
and see how fast you run.
Gimme the ball!
- Go! Let's go, Will.
- [Sarah] You got it!
[grunts] Here we go! Hey, Chuy, here!
- [man] That's it!
- Ha ha! Yeah!
- [Wilhelm] Come on!
- [Sarah] Will, you suck!
Whoo! That is some bad krachtbal.
- [Norris humming]
- [Adam] Very bad, Will.
- Your ball, chumps.
- [Matt] Superior race, my ass.
- [bones crack]
- [groans] Fuck!
[blows whistle] Injury timeout!
Get this man a beer!
He hurt his vertebrae.
- [groans] Sub! Sub!
- [Sarah] What?
- I don't even know how to play.
- So figure it out.
Go, go, go!
[grunting]
- Hey, hey, hey, yo! I'm open!
- [Sarah] Chuy!
[Chuy shouts]
[Wilhelm] Right here, Adam!
- [shouting]
- [cheering]
[Sarah] Go, Team Rodman!
Dumb! I hate it. It is dumb. It is dumb.
- I hate those motherfuckers.
- Come on, guys, we gotta take 'em down.
After we take a quick snack break to have
some traditional sardines I brought.
No!
Look, we're only down two.
A three-pointer will win it for us.
I'll take it.
- No, you suck.
- No, you suck.
- What's up?
- Tight.
God. That was hurtful
and seemingly rehearsed.
- No.
- Nope.
- Hey, Sarah, you got it.
- What? I don't how to do it.
This game doesn't make sense,
like a Japanese game show.
The three-point shot is when you flip
the ball over your back.
It's just like the judo flip
you did last week.
Okay? You got this.
- Ready? One, two, three.
- [all] Rodman's!
- What were we supposed to do?
- I guess just saying "Rodman's."
[Matt] Let's go, boys!
- Come on!
- [Sarah] And girl.
- And girl.
- Beat those inbred banjo fucks!
- [Chuy] Rejected!
- [Sarah] Nice! Nice, Chuy!
[grunts]
No, anyone but Will! Oh, God.
You gotta pass it away!
- You suck!
- [Wilhelm grunts]
No, anyone but him!
Don't shoot, Will!
[Chuy] Hey, I'm open. Pass it!
[Wilhelm] Ha ha ha! Oh, shit!
[Wilhelm] Sarah!
[shouts]
[farts]
[shouting]
- [Adam] Yes!
- [laughing]
I did it!
- Yeah! Yeah, you did!
- Son of a bitch!
[cheering, laughing]
[shouting]
Best krachtbal game ever, okay?
[grunts]
- [Chuy] Brown lives matter, too!
- [Adam] Ha ha! Nazis lose!
How does it feel to lose
to a black guy and a Latino?
- And a girl!
- And a Jew! Just go with it.
Don't worry about them coming back.
They love Weiss Power so much,
Will and I gave 'em a roadie.
In their fuel tanks.
[laughs] Huh.
I have another hair in my tooth.
Wait. I think I do, too.
Yeah, you guys drank my pubes.
[laughing]
The end!
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