Britannia (2017) s01e07 Episode Script
Episode 7
1 Look me in the eye now.
Can you see me? - You're the best friend ever.
- Rubbish, mate.
You are.
[GASPING.]
I want to hear all about it.
- [SCREAMING.]
- Formation! Hold! [BRUTUS.]
What's it for, sir? Valour.
Bravery in extremis.
When he starts talking, you come and get me.
Might help jog his memory.
Get up! Move! Getting out of here.
[ANIA.]
I am Brenna.
- [PHELAN.]
The goddess of war? - [ANIA.]
I need you to lie with me.
Well, I expect I could spare five minutes.
Kneel! From this night, you are Queen Kerra of the Cantii.
[ANIA.]
The prophecy tells that Brenna will be rescued by a golden-haired mortal.
[CAIT.]
Islene was killed by a Roman.
I'll see here again when I die.
Dad said there's a place for the ones the gods love most.
[KERRA.]
Now, listen to me! You are The One! It's you! Now go! - [SNARLING.]
- [CAIT SCREAMS.]
Ah, there you are.
So, how do I look? Wait there.
I'll be back.
Don't worry.
I'm not going anywhere.
Ah! What was that thing? At the citadel? - What thing? - Oh, come on, now.
I may be blind, but don't tell me that was a man.
That was something else.
Why was it after you? It must have been a mistake.
- Hey - Now, keep still.
Why aren't you telling me the truth, girl? What is it you're hiding? I don't know what it was.
Where are we? About five miles from Locerly.
We'll stop the night there.
At least you'll know your way around.
What is it, child? Mm? What's wrong? Nothing.
Come, now.
I may be blind, but I can still feel the weather change.
Spill it, now.
Will we ever be safe again? Come here.
When I was a boy, my dad used to row us out to this tiny island.
If we find a boat, with the right tide, we can find that island again.
I mean, not much there except some goats, and an old stone shack'll need a roof, but I do know one thing it doesn't have.
Romans.
I saw you at the camp.
Your face was the very last thing I ever saw.
I'll never forget it.
It's right here.
Forever.
[KISSING.]
Thrown like a star in my vast sleep I opened my eyes to take a peek To find that I was by the sea Gazing with tranquillity 'Twas then when the Hurdy Gurdy Man Came singing songs of love Then when the Hurdy Gurdy Man Came singing Songs of love Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy Hurdy gurdy gurdy, he sang Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy Hurdy gurdy gurdy, he sang [ANIA.]
Supper time! I'm not hungry.
You have to eat.
We have a full day's travelling tomorrow.
Don't be offended, but I'm going to pass.
Does my cooking not please you? What's that? That is wind-willow grass.
It fortifies the blood.
It's not wind-willow grass.
It's grass and this, mm? What's this? That is a rare and precious algae.
It only grows on the west bank of the river.
Ania, it's not algae.
It's not rare or precious anything.
It's mud.
This this is a beetle.
This is possibly a piece of flint, more likely badger shit, but mostly mud.
This is a mud pie.
- That is Regni food.
- It may be Regni.
It's not food.
Did I complain about that horseshit you Cantii bastards fed me in jail? Those leaves and twigs that you boiled up this morning? It's called Bramble-Beard Soup.
Have you noticed that I am not able to walk for more than 50 paces without stopping for a crap? I haven't crapped so much in my entire previous life up until now.
I have doubled my overall lifetime tally of craps.
It's an acquired taste.
You'll get used to it.
Mmm Let me ask you a question, Princess Ania.
Have you ever cooked before? Anything, ever? You don't know the first thing about me, Prince Phelan.
Unlike you, I grew up in the forest.
Besides, I am not Ania of the Regni.
[PHELAN.]
No, you're Brenna, the goddess of war.
And destruction, and dreams, and wells.
Yeah, exactly.
Not cooking.
Not Brenna, the goddess of dinner.
Let us not quarrel, my love.
There's another thing.
I'm not your love.
The prophecy said nothing about love.
I am the fair-haired mortal who saves you.
That is it.
If you cannot respect me, then at least respect the bounty of the forest.
From its floor to its highest branches, the forest is sacred.
[PHELAN.]
I respect the branches.
I respect the forest floor.
I just don't want to eat it.
So where does this prophecy send us next, anyway? - The gods will guide - Ugh, the gods.
Patience, my love.
I'm not your love.
[CROWS CAW.]
[SNIFFING.]
Whoa! [COUGHING.]
Here.
Not hungry, eh? How about a drop of this? Don't ask me what it is, but Philo, old son, it's got a kick.
All the more for me.
[ANIA.]
What is this place? [PHELAN.]
Locerly.
Formerly a thriving Cantii trading post, 'til the Romans showed up.
Now look at it.
Well, if this is a village, there should be a river, or a well.
Shouldn't you be a bit more certain than that, being Brenna, the goddess of wells? Shouldn't you, above anyone, know if they've got one or not? You really don't understand how this works, do you? No, you're right.
I've absolutely no idea what the job entails.
All I know is that I'm travelling with Brenna, the goddess of wells, and I'm fucking parched.
- I've never been so thirsty.
- Hello, pretty things.
There you go.
Water.
Thank you.
[SIGHS IN RELIEF.]
Oh, sweet gods of mercy.
- Who is it? - A man and a woman.
Did you recognize them? Are they villagers? [CAIT.]
No, didn't recognize them.
Did they see you? No, don't think so.
Two tasty things, one of each.
I might pop over there later, see what I can find.
Know what I mean? Oh, for god's sake, Philo.
Fucking say something! [SIZZLING.]
Back at the citadel what did the Queen say to you, as we were escaping? I didn't hear.
I did.
Loud and clear.
She said, "You are The One.
" Now, what do you think she meant by that? Who knows what she meant? If I've learned one thing, it's that people talk nonsense.
"You are The One.
" That's what she said.
[SNARLING.]
[SNIFFING.]
She's here.
[ANIA.]
We can stay here for the night, travel on to the Druids at daybreak.
Phelan? Where are you? Take a wild guess.
So tell me more about this prophecy.
[ANIA.]
What exactly do you want to know? How specific does it get? In fact, to avoid confusion, why don't you just tell me the whole prophecy? "In the beginning, there was only fire.
The fire spread across the darkness to the four corners of the Universe.
" You can skip to the bit let's start where I come in, yeah? The fair-haired mortal.
In fact jump to the bit where we leave the citadel.
What happens next? Brenna and her mortal saviour go to visit the archdruid Veran.
Can I stop you there? and passed me over as King of my own tribe? Veran the Second Man, yes.
The creator of my every misfortune from that bitch wife he hooked me up with all the way to watching my dad get disembowelled and his entrails fed to the crows, yeah? He's my big hope? Did it cross your mind that the gods paired you with your wife for a larger purpose? That you were passed over as King because the gods had another plan for you a greater fate? Honestly? No.
That hadn't crossed my mind.
I was too busy having a fucking terrible time.
And yet, it makes perfect sense.
Had you been crowned King of the Cantii, you would have had no reason to free me.
We would not be here now.
Right, and being here now that's supposed to be a good thing, is it? Being here now, in this hovel, with a fucking typhoon blowing in my bowels, that's better than being king of my people? That's my big break? When will you accept the truth, Phelan? You have been honoured by the gods.
You are blessed.
It's not as if Veran isn't aware of the prophecy.
How exactly is Veran aware of the prophecy? Because he wrote it.
What? Every word on the face of my great, great grandfather two thousand moons ago.
[DRINKING.]
When I joined up I had a dream to travel to new and exotic places.
See, hear, and taste the unknown.
Experiences beyond the wildest stretches of a young man's imagination.
Wonder.
Knowledge.
Wisdom.
I would become, in short, a man.
[DRINKING.]
Last week, I found myself alone in a forest, actually beating myself up.
Now, if the young man who joined the army could have seen the future, could have seen his older self alone in that forest he'd have been confused.
Anyway enough about me.
What about you, Philo, old chum? Why did you join up? Where did you and Mum meet? Over there, down by the river.
She was 13 years old.
I was 15.
You must miss her very much.
If there's one thing life has taught me, it's get used to losing things anything you cherish.
Now, I've decided something.
You're a smart girl, smarter than me.
So, from now on, you make the decisions.
We can discuss everything, and we can argue, but if it comes down to it, and I want to take the low road, and you think the high road's better, then, the high road we shall take.
What if I don't agree? If I'm in charge, and I don't agree to be in charge, then where does that leave us? Good point, and so, young lady, for the very last time, do as I say.
So beheading your best mate what set you off down that particular road? Do you have any regrets? Was it hard? Easy? Gruesome? Exciting? Terrifying? Just to say, this thing about your mother being a whore? Some of the older guys back at camp have been there.
In fact, I've been there.
Me and this monkey, an actual monkey this great big baboon.
Me up one end, the baboon up the other, at the same time.
Speak to me, Philo.
Please.
Speak to me.
Just say one fucking word.
Such Yes? Such Such what? Such Good.
I've got the "Such.
" - Such what? - Such Excellent.
Good, but and this is the crucial part, Philo - such what? - Such Stay with me.
Such Well, let's not rush things, eh? Let's take it one step at a time.
If you feel like adding anything to that I'm right here.
Such such Such Such Such [SOBBING.]
[PHELAN PANTING.]
[THUMP.]
[THUMP.]
What Shh, shh.
[THUMP.]
Why are you stopping? [THUMP.]
Can you hear that? [THUMP.]
[PHILO.]
Such [THUMP.]
Such That there.
There.
Shh, there.
It's the wind.
[THUMP.]
Is it? - It's stopped.
- It has, hasn't it? This place gives me the creeps ever since I was a child.
Really? Why don't you tell me all about it? Oh, do piss off.
Such Such Such - You see a key anywhere? - Such - A key, mate.
- Such Such [BANG.]
Such Such [CRASHING.]
What was that? A ghost, come to eat you.
Philo, mate.
Stop what you're doing and come and see this.
I think we're in a witch doctor's house, and we found his stash.
Seriously! You need to come and see this.
Such horror.
[GROWLING.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[EXHALING.]
[SNARLING.]
Feel anything yet? No, me either.
See what this one does.
It's been a funny few weeks, when you think about it.
Ever since we left Gaul, I've had this feeling that we're heading towards some sort of catastrophe.
I've never had that before, but I just keep feeling all the time that [CROWD CHEERING.]
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETING.]
[CLASHING BATTLE SOUNDING.]
Whoa.
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETING.]
[STAMPEDING.]
Whoa.
[SWORD FIGHT RAGING.]
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETING.]
Whoa [SWORDS CLASH, PEOPLE CHEER.]
[SUDDEN SILENCE.]
[PANTING ROUGHLY.]
[SNARLING.]
[BOTH HUMMING.]
[PHILO GROANING.]
[GROANING CONTINUES.]
[GROANING.]
[GROANING.]
[ECHOING.]
Are you still there, mate? [VOMITING.]
[VOMITING.]
[RETCHING.]
I'm sorry.
Don't mention it.
No, I mean I'm sorry if I've been a bit quiet.
It's perfectly all right.
- I've had a rough few days.
- Hey, it's understandable.
You've been through it.
We were with this bloke, this Celt and he had this pebble, this wonderful stone.
It was so smooth.
Smooth? When you looked at it, it was like it held all the secrets of the universe.
You could see every crevice, every tiny sparkle a million-year-old object, one in a billion.
How are your legs? - The legs feel good.
- And the arms? - The arms won't move.
- The head? - I don't want to talk about heads.
- Understandable.
I didn't mean to bring that up.
I didn't mean to do it.
Mate forget it.
These things happen.
There was so much blood.
- Leave it.
- I had to saw.
Just stop it.
I think we should do some more.
- What do you suppose this is? - Give me a taste.
Well, stick your tongue out.
Whoa, that's a massive tongue.
[ROARING.]
[SNARLING.]
[EXHALING.]
[ROARING.]
Something's been bothering me.
I'm all ears.
I've been in this legion a while now.
Been all over Egypt, Trieste, Gaul, now here.
On my travels, I've noticed something.
Oh yeah? What's that? All those places, everywhere you go the gods are different.
Expand.
I mean, they have different names, different numbers of arms, eyes, heads.
Sometimes they're elephants.
Sometimes nightingales trees virgins and I've been thinking, how can that be? How can the gods over here be different to the gods over there? You've lost me.
We have gods for everything, right? - Swords.
- Vulcanus.
- Shields.
- Serapis.
Exactly.
Helmet.
Pillow.
Tinderbox.
Soap.
We have Pino, god of the boot.
When I put my boot on, I say a prayer to Pino, so all day long, the boot stays on, the leather doesn't fray, the buckle snap.
I do the same.
Every morning, every night.
Exactly.
So we have Pino, god of the boot.
- All hail to him.
- The Egyptians The Egyptians, they didn't know who Pino was.
They didn't even have a god or goddess of the boot, but they had boots and the Celts have boots, but I bet you they don't know who Pino is, and now, this is my point why is Pino only interested in our boots? Boots are important, and we give thanks to Pino, - and our boots don't fall apart.
- Brutus So we say a prayer to him, and Pino keeps our boots shipshape.
I mean, look at them.
My boots look great, and they're really comfy right now.
You're missing the point.
The Egyptians have Horus, the god of war, a falcon-headed man with a red and white crown.
We have Mars.
Now, all it would take for me to believe in Horus, to worship Horus rather than Mars, is to be born in Egypt.
If I'm born in Egypt, I instantly think that Mars is bollocks, and even if he's not bollocks, he's nowhere near as powerful and amazing as Horus.
Don't you see? Everywhere we go, it's different.
- I think I know what you mean.
- Good.
Now, if we think Horus is bollocks, and they think Mars is bollocks maybe both are bollocks.
Maybe it's all bollocks, and maybe my boot is just my boot, and if it breaks, it's not because I've offended Pino.
It's just my boot broke, and that's all.
Of course there's Pino.
There's always been Pino.
- But what if there hasn't? - There's always been Serapis.
But what if there hasn't? Stop now.
Jupiter! I slayed my best friend! I took a blade and severed his head from his body! Send a thunderbolt and strike me dead! Do it now, for Brutus to behold! Whoa.
Do you see? I want you to stop talking.
Stop talking.
Don't say another word.
We are alone, Brutus.
We are alone.
You awake? Mm.
So the fair-haired mortal rescues the goddess and takes her to the druids.
- And the goddess Brenna - Yeah, forget Brenna for a minute.
What happens to the fair-haired mortal? Besides ruling the heavens, the fair-haired mortal lies with the goddess, and they have a child, and that child, and that child's children, rule the Regni for aeons.
- The Regni? - Yes, the Regni.
I hate the Regni.
The Regni are my enemy.
You don't seem to mind this Regni.
What are you talking about? You're a fucking nightmare.
You asked for the prophecy.
That is what is written.
Let's get one thing clear.
I am never having a child with you ever.
It's a bit late for that.
What did you say? The fuck am I doing? [SOBBING BREATH.]
[SOBBING.]
[SAWYER.]
I failed you, Cait, you and your sister.
I didn't protect you.
I told you to run.
If I hadn't done that, if you hadn't fled, maybe Islene would still be alive.
I miss her being here.
I miss her smell, her smile, and the sound of her voice.
I don't miss my eyes.
I miss her.
Don't want my eyes back.
I want her back.
I'd give anything anything We'll see her again, Father, and when we do, we can tell her all about our adventures.
Now, get some rest.
We have a long journey in the morning.
You're very special, lass.
Very special indeed.
Stop it.
All right, I've stopped.
Is that you? I've missed you so much.
I've so much to tell you.
So much has happened.
[CAIT.]
I saw you die.
Your love brought me back.
Come to me.
Let me hold you.
You must go.
But I missed you.
Stop.
You're not my sister.
You're not Islene.
Have you forgotten me so soon? How could I forget you, Pwykka? [DISTORTED, ECHOING.]
Pwykka? Who is this Pwykka? I'm not afraid of you.
Stay away from me, and stay away from my family, or you'll regret it.
Is that so? At the citadel, you were afraid to come near me.
Afraid? If you're not afraid, then show your face.
No tricks.
Just you and me.
[ECHOING LAUGHTER.]
Show your face.
[CHUCKLING.]
Come and get me, you fucking snake! [LAUGHING.]
[HEAVY, RASPING BREATHING.]
[STRANGE ECHOING ROAR.]
[CRYING OUT.]
[SNARLING.]
[SNARLING.]
Sister Sister, it's me.
Islene? Islene! No, listen to me.
Listen to me, now.
Pwykka came to me.
He tricked me, but you are strong.
If you follow the path, then Pwykka cannot hurt you.
Nothing can.
This night, the legions of the dead are behind you.
They are chanting your name, sister.
You are The One.
Only you can guide us into the light.
They are singing your name, sister.
The dead are singing your name.
What is my name? Cait? Who's there? Who is it? Who's there? [GRUNTING.]
[GROANING.]
Pwykka's gone.
[SAWYER.]
How did he find us? I need to speak to him alone.
- No.
- Please, Dad.
No, no.
I don't trust him.
What about our agreement? I've changed my mind.
All right.
You're the boss.
Thirsty? No.
Obviously, this changes things.
I went to the Underworld.
And? It seems I was it seems I was wrr it seems I was wrr rrr It seems I was wro wroff I was wrr You were wrrrong? Just shut your mouth, all right? This is bad enough as it is.
It turns out you're not a pointless, annoying, interfering little pain in the ass.
Thank you.
Bad news is I think I know why the Romans came.
I know why they're here.
Lokka, the Great Earth Demon, has come to destroy you, and it is my [LAUGHING.]
It is my mission to protect you.
Together, we must destroy Lokka.
Together? You must destroy Lokka, but I will be, you know helping.
"Thank you, Divis.
I can't believe you're doing this for me.
" "Don't mention it, don't mention it.
Really, honestly I'm happy to be here.
Just happy to be on board, really.
Great.
" Tell me about this Lokka.
What were we just talking about? What? I was saying something something important.
Can't remember.
Something about boots.
That's it.
Boots.
It's gone.
[OWL HOOTING.]
Listen to that.
[OWL HOOTING.]
Nice.
Look at those stars.
So many.
And the moon.
So bright.
[OWL HOOTING.]
All hail Luna.
All hail Luna.
May she watch over us always.
Histories of ages past Unenlightened shadows cast Down through all eternity The crying of humanity 'Tis then when the Hurdy Gurdy Man Comes singing songs of love Then when the Hurdy Gurdy Man Comes singing songs
Can you see me? - You're the best friend ever.
- Rubbish, mate.
You are.
[GASPING.]
I want to hear all about it.
- [SCREAMING.]
- Formation! Hold! [BRUTUS.]
What's it for, sir? Valour.
Bravery in extremis.
When he starts talking, you come and get me.
Might help jog his memory.
Get up! Move! Getting out of here.
[ANIA.]
I am Brenna.
- [PHELAN.]
The goddess of war? - [ANIA.]
I need you to lie with me.
Well, I expect I could spare five minutes.
Kneel! From this night, you are Queen Kerra of the Cantii.
[ANIA.]
The prophecy tells that Brenna will be rescued by a golden-haired mortal.
[CAIT.]
Islene was killed by a Roman.
I'll see here again when I die.
Dad said there's a place for the ones the gods love most.
[KERRA.]
Now, listen to me! You are The One! It's you! Now go! - [SNARLING.]
- [CAIT SCREAMS.]
Ah, there you are.
So, how do I look? Wait there.
I'll be back.
Don't worry.
I'm not going anywhere.
Ah! What was that thing? At the citadel? - What thing? - Oh, come on, now.
I may be blind, but don't tell me that was a man.
That was something else.
Why was it after you? It must have been a mistake.
- Hey - Now, keep still.
Why aren't you telling me the truth, girl? What is it you're hiding? I don't know what it was.
Where are we? About five miles from Locerly.
We'll stop the night there.
At least you'll know your way around.
What is it, child? Mm? What's wrong? Nothing.
Come, now.
I may be blind, but I can still feel the weather change.
Spill it, now.
Will we ever be safe again? Come here.
When I was a boy, my dad used to row us out to this tiny island.
If we find a boat, with the right tide, we can find that island again.
I mean, not much there except some goats, and an old stone shack'll need a roof, but I do know one thing it doesn't have.
Romans.
I saw you at the camp.
Your face was the very last thing I ever saw.
I'll never forget it.
It's right here.
Forever.
[KISSING.]
Thrown like a star in my vast sleep I opened my eyes to take a peek To find that I was by the sea Gazing with tranquillity 'Twas then when the Hurdy Gurdy Man Came singing songs of love Then when the Hurdy Gurdy Man Came singing Songs of love Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy Hurdy gurdy gurdy, he sang Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy Hurdy gurdy gurdy, he sang [ANIA.]
Supper time! I'm not hungry.
You have to eat.
We have a full day's travelling tomorrow.
Don't be offended, but I'm going to pass.
Does my cooking not please you? What's that? That is wind-willow grass.
It fortifies the blood.
It's not wind-willow grass.
It's grass and this, mm? What's this? That is a rare and precious algae.
It only grows on the west bank of the river.
Ania, it's not algae.
It's not rare or precious anything.
It's mud.
This this is a beetle.
This is possibly a piece of flint, more likely badger shit, but mostly mud.
This is a mud pie.
- That is Regni food.
- It may be Regni.
It's not food.
Did I complain about that horseshit you Cantii bastards fed me in jail? Those leaves and twigs that you boiled up this morning? It's called Bramble-Beard Soup.
Have you noticed that I am not able to walk for more than 50 paces without stopping for a crap? I haven't crapped so much in my entire previous life up until now.
I have doubled my overall lifetime tally of craps.
It's an acquired taste.
You'll get used to it.
Mmm Let me ask you a question, Princess Ania.
Have you ever cooked before? Anything, ever? You don't know the first thing about me, Prince Phelan.
Unlike you, I grew up in the forest.
Besides, I am not Ania of the Regni.
[PHELAN.]
No, you're Brenna, the goddess of war.
And destruction, and dreams, and wells.
Yeah, exactly.
Not cooking.
Not Brenna, the goddess of dinner.
Let us not quarrel, my love.
There's another thing.
I'm not your love.
The prophecy said nothing about love.
I am the fair-haired mortal who saves you.
That is it.
If you cannot respect me, then at least respect the bounty of the forest.
From its floor to its highest branches, the forest is sacred.
[PHELAN.]
I respect the branches.
I respect the forest floor.
I just don't want to eat it.
So where does this prophecy send us next, anyway? - The gods will guide - Ugh, the gods.
Patience, my love.
I'm not your love.
[CROWS CAW.]
[SNIFFING.]
Whoa! [COUGHING.]
Here.
Not hungry, eh? How about a drop of this? Don't ask me what it is, but Philo, old son, it's got a kick.
All the more for me.
[ANIA.]
What is this place? [PHELAN.]
Locerly.
Formerly a thriving Cantii trading post, 'til the Romans showed up.
Now look at it.
Well, if this is a village, there should be a river, or a well.
Shouldn't you be a bit more certain than that, being Brenna, the goddess of wells? Shouldn't you, above anyone, know if they've got one or not? You really don't understand how this works, do you? No, you're right.
I've absolutely no idea what the job entails.
All I know is that I'm travelling with Brenna, the goddess of wells, and I'm fucking parched.
- I've never been so thirsty.
- Hello, pretty things.
There you go.
Water.
Thank you.
[SIGHS IN RELIEF.]
Oh, sweet gods of mercy.
- Who is it? - A man and a woman.
Did you recognize them? Are they villagers? [CAIT.]
No, didn't recognize them.
Did they see you? No, don't think so.
Two tasty things, one of each.
I might pop over there later, see what I can find.
Know what I mean? Oh, for god's sake, Philo.
Fucking say something! [SIZZLING.]
Back at the citadel what did the Queen say to you, as we were escaping? I didn't hear.
I did.
Loud and clear.
She said, "You are The One.
" Now, what do you think she meant by that? Who knows what she meant? If I've learned one thing, it's that people talk nonsense.
"You are The One.
" That's what she said.
[SNARLING.]
[SNIFFING.]
She's here.
[ANIA.]
We can stay here for the night, travel on to the Druids at daybreak.
Phelan? Where are you? Take a wild guess.
So tell me more about this prophecy.
[ANIA.]
What exactly do you want to know? How specific does it get? In fact, to avoid confusion, why don't you just tell me the whole prophecy? "In the beginning, there was only fire.
The fire spread across the darkness to the four corners of the Universe.
" You can skip to the bit let's start where I come in, yeah? The fair-haired mortal.
In fact jump to the bit where we leave the citadel.
What happens next? Brenna and her mortal saviour go to visit the archdruid Veran.
Can I stop you there? and passed me over as King of my own tribe? Veran the Second Man, yes.
The creator of my every misfortune from that bitch wife he hooked me up with all the way to watching my dad get disembowelled and his entrails fed to the crows, yeah? He's my big hope? Did it cross your mind that the gods paired you with your wife for a larger purpose? That you were passed over as King because the gods had another plan for you a greater fate? Honestly? No.
That hadn't crossed my mind.
I was too busy having a fucking terrible time.
And yet, it makes perfect sense.
Had you been crowned King of the Cantii, you would have had no reason to free me.
We would not be here now.
Right, and being here now that's supposed to be a good thing, is it? Being here now, in this hovel, with a fucking typhoon blowing in my bowels, that's better than being king of my people? That's my big break? When will you accept the truth, Phelan? You have been honoured by the gods.
You are blessed.
It's not as if Veran isn't aware of the prophecy.
How exactly is Veran aware of the prophecy? Because he wrote it.
What? Every word on the face of my great, great grandfather two thousand moons ago.
[DRINKING.]
When I joined up I had a dream to travel to new and exotic places.
See, hear, and taste the unknown.
Experiences beyond the wildest stretches of a young man's imagination.
Wonder.
Knowledge.
Wisdom.
I would become, in short, a man.
[DRINKING.]
Last week, I found myself alone in a forest, actually beating myself up.
Now, if the young man who joined the army could have seen the future, could have seen his older self alone in that forest he'd have been confused.
Anyway enough about me.
What about you, Philo, old chum? Why did you join up? Where did you and Mum meet? Over there, down by the river.
She was 13 years old.
I was 15.
You must miss her very much.
If there's one thing life has taught me, it's get used to losing things anything you cherish.
Now, I've decided something.
You're a smart girl, smarter than me.
So, from now on, you make the decisions.
We can discuss everything, and we can argue, but if it comes down to it, and I want to take the low road, and you think the high road's better, then, the high road we shall take.
What if I don't agree? If I'm in charge, and I don't agree to be in charge, then where does that leave us? Good point, and so, young lady, for the very last time, do as I say.
So beheading your best mate what set you off down that particular road? Do you have any regrets? Was it hard? Easy? Gruesome? Exciting? Terrifying? Just to say, this thing about your mother being a whore? Some of the older guys back at camp have been there.
In fact, I've been there.
Me and this monkey, an actual monkey this great big baboon.
Me up one end, the baboon up the other, at the same time.
Speak to me, Philo.
Please.
Speak to me.
Just say one fucking word.
Such Yes? Such Such what? Such Good.
I've got the "Such.
" - Such what? - Such Excellent.
Good, but and this is the crucial part, Philo - such what? - Such Stay with me.
Such Well, let's not rush things, eh? Let's take it one step at a time.
If you feel like adding anything to that I'm right here.
Such such Such Such Such [SOBBING.]
[PHELAN PANTING.]
[THUMP.]
[THUMP.]
What Shh, shh.
[THUMP.]
Why are you stopping? [THUMP.]
Can you hear that? [THUMP.]
[PHILO.]
Such [THUMP.]
Such That there.
There.
Shh, there.
It's the wind.
[THUMP.]
Is it? - It's stopped.
- It has, hasn't it? This place gives me the creeps ever since I was a child.
Really? Why don't you tell me all about it? Oh, do piss off.
Such Such Such - You see a key anywhere? - Such - A key, mate.
- Such Such [BANG.]
Such Such [CRASHING.]
What was that? A ghost, come to eat you.
Philo, mate.
Stop what you're doing and come and see this.
I think we're in a witch doctor's house, and we found his stash.
Seriously! You need to come and see this.
Such horror.
[GROWLING.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[EXHALING.]
[SNARLING.]
Feel anything yet? No, me either.
See what this one does.
It's been a funny few weeks, when you think about it.
Ever since we left Gaul, I've had this feeling that we're heading towards some sort of catastrophe.
I've never had that before, but I just keep feeling all the time that [CROWD CHEERING.]
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETING.]
[CLASHING BATTLE SOUNDING.]
Whoa.
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETING.]
[STAMPEDING.]
Whoa.
[SWORD FIGHT RAGING.]
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETING.]
Whoa [SWORDS CLASH, PEOPLE CHEER.]
[SUDDEN SILENCE.]
[PANTING ROUGHLY.]
[SNARLING.]
[BOTH HUMMING.]
[PHILO GROANING.]
[GROANING CONTINUES.]
[GROANING.]
[GROANING.]
[ECHOING.]
Are you still there, mate? [VOMITING.]
[VOMITING.]
[RETCHING.]
I'm sorry.
Don't mention it.
No, I mean I'm sorry if I've been a bit quiet.
It's perfectly all right.
- I've had a rough few days.
- Hey, it's understandable.
You've been through it.
We were with this bloke, this Celt and he had this pebble, this wonderful stone.
It was so smooth.
Smooth? When you looked at it, it was like it held all the secrets of the universe.
You could see every crevice, every tiny sparkle a million-year-old object, one in a billion.
How are your legs? - The legs feel good.
- And the arms? - The arms won't move.
- The head? - I don't want to talk about heads.
- Understandable.
I didn't mean to bring that up.
I didn't mean to do it.
Mate forget it.
These things happen.
There was so much blood.
- Leave it.
- I had to saw.
Just stop it.
I think we should do some more.
- What do you suppose this is? - Give me a taste.
Well, stick your tongue out.
Whoa, that's a massive tongue.
[ROARING.]
[SNARLING.]
[EXHALING.]
[ROARING.]
Something's been bothering me.
I'm all ears.
I've been in this legion a while now.
Been all over Egypt, Trieste, Gaul, now here.
On my travels, I've noticed something.
Oh yeah? What's that? All those places, everywhere you go the gods are different.
Expand.
I mean, they have different names, different numbers of arms, eyes, heads.
Sometimes they're elephants.
Sometimes nightingales trees virgins and I've been thinking, how can that be? How can the gods over here be different to the gods over there? You've lost me.
We have gods for everything, right? - Swords.
- Vulcanus.
- Shields.
- Serapis.
Exactly.
Helmet.
Pillow.
Tinderbox.
Soap.
We have Pino, god of the boot.
When I put my boot on, I say a prayer to Pino, so all day long, the boot stays on, the leather doesn't fray, the buckle snap.
I do the same.
Every morning, every night.
Exactly.
So we have Pino, god of the boot.
- All hail to him.
- The Egyptians The Egyptians, they didn't know who Pino was.
They didn't even have a god or goddess of the boot, but they had boots and the Celts have boots, but I bet you they don't know who Pino is, and now, this is my point why is Pino only interested in our boots? Boots are important, and we give thanks to Pino, - and our boots don't fall apart.
- Brutus So we say a prayer to him, and Pino keeps our boots shipshape.
I mean, look at them.
My boots look great, and they're really comfy right now.
You're missing the point.
The Egyptians have Horus, the god of war, a falcon-headed man with a red and white crown.
We have Mars.
Now, all it would take for me to believe in Horus, to worship Horus rather than Mars, is to be born in Egypt.
If I'm born in Egypt, I instantly think that Mars is bollocks, and even if he's not bollocks, he's nowhere near as powerful and amazing as Horus.
Don't you see? Everywhere we go, it's different.
- I think I know what you mean.
- Good.
Now, if we think Horus is bollocks, and they think Mars is bollocks maybe both are bollocks.
Maybe it's all bollocks, and maybe my boot is just my boot, and if it breaks, it's not because I've offended Pino.
It's just my boot broke, and that's all.
Of course there's Pino.
There's always been Pino.
- But what if there hasn't? - There's always been Serapis.
But what if there hasn't? Stop now.
Jupiter! I slayed my best friend! I took a blade and severed his head from his body! Send a thunderbolt and strike me dead! Do it now, for Brutus to behold! Whoa.
Do you see? I want you to stop talking.
Stop talking.
Don't say another word.
We are alone, Brutus.
We are alone.
You awake? Mm.
So the fair-haired mortal rescues the goddess and takes her to the druids.
- And the goddess Brenna - Yeah, forget Brenna for a minute.
What happens to the fair-haired mortal? Besides ruling the heavens, the fair-haired mortal lies with the goddess, and they have a child, and that child, and that child's children, rule the Regni for aeons.
- The Regni? - Yes, the Regni.
I hate the Regni.
The Regni are my enemy.
You don't seem to mind this Regni.
What are you talking about? You're a fucking nightmare.
You asked for the prophecy.
That is what is written.
Let's get one thing clear.
I am never having a child with you ever.
It's a bit late for that.
What did you say? The fuck am I doing? [SOBBING BREATH.]
[SOBBING.]
[SAWYER.]
I failed you, Cait, you and your sister.
I didn't protect you.
I told you to run.
If I hadn't done that, if you hadn't fled, maybe Islene would still be alive.
I miss her being here.
I miss her smell, her smile, and the sound of her voice.
I don't miss my eyes.
I miss her.
Don't want my eyes back.
I want her back.
I'd give anything anything We'll see her again, Father, and when we do, we can tell her all about our adventures.
Now, get some rest.
We have a long journey in the morning.
You're very special, lass.
Very special indeed.
Stop it.
All right, I've stopped.
Is that you? I've missed you so much.
I've so much to tell you.
So much has happened.
[CAIT.]
I saw you die.
Your love brought me back.
Come to me.
Let me hold you.
You must go.
But I missed you.
Stop.
You're not my sister.
You're not Islene.
Have you forgotten me so soon? How could I forget you, Pwykka? [DISTORTED, ECHOING.]
Pwykka? Who is this Pwykka? I'm not afraid of you.
Stay away from me, and stay away from my family, or you'll regret it.
Is that so? At the citadel, you were afraid to come near me.
Afraid? If you're not afraid, then show your face.
No tricks.
Just you and me.
[ECHOING LAUGHTER.]
Show your face.
[CHUCKLING.]
Come and get me, you fucking snake! [LAUGHING.]
[HEAVY, RASPING BREATHING.]
[STRANGE ECHOING ROAR.]
[CRYING OUT.]
[SNARLING.]
[SNARLING.]
Sister Sister, it's me.
Islene? Islene! No, listen to me.
Listen to me, now.
Pwykka came to me.
He tricked me, but you are strong.
If you follow the path, then Pwykka cannot hurt you.
Nothing can.
This night, the legions of the dead are behind you.
They are chanting your name, sister.
You are The One.
Only you can guide us into the light.
They are singing your name, sister.
The dead are singing your name.
What is my name? Cait? Who's there? Who is it? Who's there? [GRUNTING.]
[GROANING.]
Pwykka's gone.
[SAWYER.]
How did he find us? I need to speak to him alone.
- No.
- Please, Dad.
No, no.
I don't trust him.
What about our agreement? I've changed my mind.
All right.
You're the boss.
Thirsty? No.
Obviously, this changes things.
I went to the Underworld.
And? It seems I was it seems I was wrr it seems I was wrr rrr It seems I was wro wroff I was wrr You were wrrrong? Just shut your mouth, all right? This is bad enough as it is.
It turns out you're not a pointless, annoying, interfering little pain in the ass.
Thank you.
Bad news is I think I know why the Romans came.
I know why they're here.
Lokka, the Great Earth Demon, has come to destroy you, and it is my [LAUGHING.]
It is my mission to protect you.
Together, we must destroy Lokka.
Together? You must destroy Lokka, but I will be, you know helping.
"Thank you, Divis.
I can't believe you're doing this for me.
" "Don't mention it, don't mention it.
Really, honestly I'm happy to be here.
Just happy to be on board, really.
Great.
" Tell me about this Lokka.
What were we just talking about? What? I was saying something something important.
Can't remember.
Something about boots.
That's it.
Boots.
It's gone.
[OWL HOOTING.]
Listen to that.
[OWL HOOTING.]
Nice.
Look at those stars.
So many.
And the moon.
So bright.
[OWL HOOTING.]
All hail Luna.
All hail Luna.
May she watch over us always.
Histories of ages past Unenlightened shadows cast Down through all eternity The crying of humanity 'Tis then when the Hurdy Gurdy Man Comes singing songs of love Then when the Hurdy Gurdy Man Comes singing songs