Camp s01e07 Episode Script

Man, watch your step.
Hey.
What a beautiful day.
Not too hot, not too cold.
- Perfect temperature.
- What's with you? Nothing.
The air smells great today, doesn't it? Is that lavender? Okay, seriously, why are you so chipper? This feels like a body-switch movie.
-Mom, is that you? -I'm just happy to be here.
-Almost died last week.
-No, you didn't.
You had food poisoning.
You ate a bad egg.
But we didn't know that at the time.
At the time, we thought I was on my deathbed.
That's not really the same thing.
Anyways, it feels like I got a second chance.
You know, it's true what they say.
This is the first day of the rest of my life.
I miss grumpy, depressed Kip.
Well, he's gone.
This guy - Ready to embrace life.
- Oh, yeah.
It's time to go for what I want.
Not this again.
Dude, she has a boyfriend.
Yeah, but he sucks.
- What does she see in that guy? - I don't know But his hats makes me angry.
Did he bring a suitcase full of hats to camp? Because it's different every time.
And by the way, you have a girlfriend, who's looking very hot today.
There you are.
Why do you look happy? - I'm not.
- Good.
You're way sexier when you're bummed out and misunderstood.
Morning.
- You look like crap.
- Thanks.
- How you holding up? - It's been a tough week, Cole.
Look at her.
How can she look so happy? Maybe she just hides it better than you.
Wouldn't be hard.
You know how sometimes in Florida A sinkhole will open up and suck people into the earth? I guess.
Yeah, I'm kind of hoping that happens here.
You know what you need? - Mack said, "time to heal.
" - Nope.
Rebound sex cleanse the palate.
Look at her what a slut.
Whore, dirty whore.
How could she do that to Robbie? I can't even look at her.
Guess what I heard on the radio this morning.
Oh, was it that dave and I haven't had sex in six months? - Because that's true.
- No.
But you and I will circle right back to that.
The new mayor is doing gay weddings.
- Really? - But the State is threatening to repeal it, so she said anyone that wants to should do it quick.
They're in.
You're doing it.
I don't know.
We could do it tomorrow night.
Come on, you've been together 19 years.
You always said you'd get married if it were legal.
Yes, sweetie, but to be fair, that was just to shut you up.
Guys, listen, it's not just about you anymore.
You have to think about us.
Last week somebody called Fyodor a bastard.
- That was you.
- That's not the point.
I've wanted this since I was a little girl.
Remember the wedding I had for my two ken dolls? Mm, I made tiny bow ties out of fruit roll-ups.
I'm really surprised.
I thought you guys would be excited.
I mean, if anybody should get married, it's you.
You're the best couple I know.
Why not do it? Because marriage is a zip tie around your neck.
The more you squirm, the tighter it gets, until very, very slowly you finally die.
That - And it isn't enough time.
- Please.
Let's do it.
Will you marry me? Sure.
Why not? Let's just keep it low-key, okay? Totally.
My dads are engaged! Camp 1x06 - The Wedding Okay, we have 36 hours to pull off this wedding.
That is not a lot of time.
We're gonna have to be creative.
For example, centerpieces any ideas? - Jay? - What-what's a centerpiece? Sarah? Well, last week someone got high and accidentally ordered five extra boxes of clementines.
Why are you looking at me? It could have been anyone.
So what about, like, cute wooden bowls of oranges? Great.
You're in charge of decorations.
Buzz, you're with Sarah.
Oh, man, I don't want to work with that home wrecker.
- Sarah? - She's cool.
Wrong.
We hate her now.
She cheated on Robbie.
Robbie's our bro.
Our bro? Since when? Do you guys, like, hang out when I'm not looking? Okay.
Cole, music and sound.
Robbie, you're gonna be on lighting.
Amelia, you and I will coordinate the food.
- Jay, parking.
- Yes! All right, that's it.
If anybody doesn't know what they should be doing, please, come and ask me.
- Oh, yeah, um - Grace not now okay? And now Grace would like to say a few words.
Thank you all so much.
This is a big day for my dads.
So, if any of you screw this up, I will hunt you down and gut you like a fish.
I swear to god, I have a knife Eighth-grade graduation present.
Moving on.
Okay, C.
I.
T.
S, we have our jobs.
Let's move out! Hey, sweetie How are you doing? Great.
Everybody hates me.
I don't hate you.
I love you.
- You love everybody.
- True.
- It's your job.
- Mm-hmm.
I just sometimes I just want to get out of here.
Can I come? We could hit the road, Thelma & Louise style.
Rob a couple of banks, hook up with Brad Pitt.
Die at the end.
Maybe we should wait till after Todd and Raffi's wedding.
There's no way these guys are pulling that off without us.
Okay, but right after.
It'll get better, I promise.
He won't even talk to me.
Just give it time, hmm? It's all about form, Nate.
Remember, point your elbow to where you want to throw, And step on into it.
You still got that great arm.
Thanks.
You here to recruit me again? Maybe.
We have an assistant-coaching position, just opened up at Michigan State.
Stu, you haven't seen me play in ten years.
Ah, you know the game.
You're great with the kids.
It seems like it might be perfect for you, If you're looking.
Can't be a camp counselor forever.
Yeah, sure, I mean I guess.
You should call my office, set up an interview.
Thanks.
So you're gonna break up with Chloe - Hot, beautiful Chloe? - Yes.
- In the short shorts? - Yes.
Those are great shorts.
I like them a lot.
I think they're new.
Can you get off the shorts? We're talking about someone who blackmailed me into dating her using my cancer.
Who cares? You should be flattered.
Zoe almost had sex with me to piss off her mom.
You hear me whining like a little girl? - I almost died.
- Here we go.
And while I was in the emergency room, crapping and vomiting at the same time, all I could think about was Marina.
You should give that to Greg.
He can write another song.
I'm gonna go after what I want.
What's this a knitting circle? Did I miss the invite to your stitch and bitch? It's good to see you too, Grace.
Stop being so stingy with the paint.
My dads are saying their vows under this thing.
It needs to be gleaming! I was being a little stingy with the paint.
- Hey, guys.
- Well, hello.
So, Kip, I don't know if I told you yet, But I'm glad you're not dead.
- Me too.
- You got any other secret, life-threatening diseases you want to tell me about? No, it's just the leukemia.
Thanks.
What are you doing right now? - Uh - Ready for our hike, babe? Hey, is that your hiking fedora? All right, we're gonna go.
But please don't die while we're gone, 'cause if you're feeling weak, we can reschedule.
- Yeah, well - Whoa, babe.
Not cool.
Sorry, Kip.
She didn't mean it.
Live strong, bro.
See you guys.
It is such - How could why? - We're all baffled.
Maybe the hats give off a pheromone.
Congratulations.
I mean, I know it's just a formality.
You guys are already so committed.
It's just about making it official.
Plus, over 30 legal rights and protections.
Exactly.
Plus, the party and the pictures.
Isn't this exciting? Oh, it's gonna be so beautiful.
I loved my wedding Well, at first.
And then Steve got drunk and fell asleep In the back of the catering van.
I missed a lot of red flags.
I'm so glad we're having it here at camp.
It feels right.
- Me too.
- What am I gonna wear? I wish I had my gray suit.
I'm thinking ceremony in the amphitheater, reception in the dining hall.
- Perfect.
- It just seems like a waste.
You know, I have the suit, but I can't wear it.
And I think we need to keep an eye on Grace.
She seems a little - Intense? - Right.
You should have seen her last year During her production of Les Mis.
Lost 20 pounds just to play Cosette.
Maybe I'll just wear my bathing suit and a pair of flip-flops.
Or, hey, maybe you could whip me up one of those fruit roll-up suits.
- Are you okay? - No.
I just want to look hotter than you on my wedding day.
Is that too much to ask? Oh, sweetie.
It's never gonna happen.
Aw, you guys are perfect.
Yeah, I was excited about moving to Florida before, but now I'm a little worried.
I just feel like I'm always moving and I'm never settled.
That's good.
Always moving, but never settled.
I'm gonna use that in a song.
Can I use that? Um, sure.
You know, it's the idea of making all new friends.
It's a lot, and it just feels scary, And I just feel like I need What are you doing? I'm more than just a singer, babe.
I'm also a dancer.
I'm trying to put the whole thing together.
- I think we need to break up.
- What? Why because I was working on my moves? First of all, stop calling them your moves, And second, yeah, kind of.
This just isn't working for me anymore.
- Really? - Greg, you're great.
You know, you're a great guy with With great hair and great hats.
I just I just don't feel like you're right for me.
I feel like I just need time by myself to think about all my decisions.
Yeah.
I think I might be better a free agent.
Okay.
- I'll see you later, then.
- Can we have breakup sex? Bye, Greg.
Roger! What the hell? Congratulations.
I heard about your big gay wedding.
Yeah, it's a big gay wedding.
You got a problem with that? Just the opposite, angry little girl.
I love it.
The gays are a huge, untapped financial resource.
If you think you're gonna get your grubby little Ridgefield paws on this wedding, Roger Ah, slow your roll, Mack.
I'm on your side.
Every year, thousands of straight couples flush their hard-earned cash down the toilet on weddings.
Why shouldn't gays have the same right? Very moving you should speak at rallies.
Anyway, what can I do to help? We have it all under control.
Thank you.
What about the bachelor party? Let me throw the bachelor party.
Why? What's in it for you, Rog? I have a big heart.
I love Todd and Robbie.
- It's Raffi.
- Whatever.
Okay, look, I want some pictures for my website.
I need more gays.
Let me throw the bachelor party.
Roger, the wedding is in 16 hours.
We don't have time for a bachelor party.
Ah, don't worry.
I am on it.
Tonight, my place, I promise.
It'll be the gayest bachelor party ever.
- This is nice.
- Yeah.
We can make out as long as we don't fall in the water.
I don't want to get my hair wet.
Um, I just thought that this would be a good place to talk.
Okay, what do you want to talk about? Is it your brush with death? Do you need to yell at god? Chloe, I think we should break up.
- What? - Um I think we should break up.
- Are you kidding me? - No.
Okay, why did you bring me out into the middle of the lake - To break up with me? - Well, you said it was nice.
For making out! Take me back to shore, now! - I hope we can still be friends.
- I hope you die.
Yeah, over there.
Hey, Buzz.
Can you hold this while I tie the bow? Seriously, you're ignoring me? Buzz Granger, hold this, or I'll tell your mother.
- How's it going? - Oh, so far, so good.
I've got the little ones picking flowers.
The bigger ones are working on arrangements.
Decorations are really coming along.
Oh, unfortunately, the bakery couldn't do a cake in time, so I'm thinking cookies.
Mackenzie, this wedding is important to me.
I know that, honey.
I've been dreaming of it my whole life, and in those dreams, my dads did not cut a cookie.
They did not goofily feed each other cookies.
One of them did not smoosh a piece of cookie into the other's face! Okay, let's sit down, and let's take a breath.
Sweetheart, what is going on? You're yelling at people a lot.
It's because nobody is doing anything right.
Everybody is working really hard.
I know.
I'm sorry.
It's just For once, I wanted to have something normal.
My family has got a lot going on Black, white, gay, adopted.
I just wanted to have one thing that was Normal.
Okay, I will make sure that we get a cake.
And, Grace, this wedding is going to be fantastic.
Thanks.
Sorry if I got a little nuts.
No problem.
We all have our moments.
Dylan, if you drop that centerpiece, I swear, I will drown your new puppy! I don't care! I'll do it! Chloe, are you okay? Uhuh.
All right, I'll leave you alone then.
Wait.
We could talk, if you want.
Is this because Zoe is gone now and you have no one else to talk to? Yes.
Are you gonna be a total bitch to me like you usually are? - No.
- Fine.
Kip broke up with me - In a boat.
- What? - In a boat? Why? - I don't know.
We were just floating there, broken up.
That's terrible.
That is a terrible idea.
I know.
And the thing is, I really liked him.
I mean, at first, I was just dating him ironically - Sure.
- And I thought it was - interesting that he might die - Okay.
But then when he almost did die, I got really scared.
Yeah, I-I know.
Me too.
You know, I broke up with Greg today.
You did? Why? I don't know he's kind of lame, and I just don't think he really gets me.
But he wrote that song about you.
I know.
That song was amazing.
And honestly, I think that's why I stayed with him this long.
I always thought you were too good for that guy.
You did? I see stuff.
Okay, uh, we'll be by to pick it up tomorrow.
Thanks, Eileen.
- Hi.
- Hey.
What's up? Oh, that was the bakery Over in Harbor Springs.
Everybody is sold out of cakes this weekend because of all the gay weddings.
All they had left were kids' birthday cakes.
I got to choose between a princess and a dinosaur.
- I hope you went dinosaur.
- Of course I went dinosaur.
Good.
So, um, I know it's kind of bad timing, but I got to take the morning off tomorrow.
Seriously, tomorrow? As in, "throw a wedding in a day and a half" tomorrow? Because I am starting to hyperventilate just thinking about it take that as a "no.
" I got a job interview.
Assistant baseball coach for a college team.
Cole, really? That's fantastic.
- So I can go? - Of course.
That's a huge opportunity for you.
College baseball coach that's kind of hot.
- Yeah? - Sorry.
That was completely inappropriate boss behavior.
- I promise not to sue.
- What I meant to say In a totally professional manner, was that it's nice to see this side of you.
This could set you on a whole new path for the rest of your life.
Cole, I am so happy for you.
I wasn't sure at first, but these look pretty cool.
Yeah, the place is gonna look great.
I'm just gonna look like garbage.
Oh, are you still going on about your suit? I just wish I had time to get it, that's all.
I have some exciting news.
I have decided to take your name.
- My name? - No.
Mack's.
Yes, yours, dummy.
Oh.
Great.
Hey.
I am so sorry.
I know what I did was horrible, but can't we at least talk? I know we're not gonna get back together.
I wish you would just yell at me or something.
What can I do to make this better? Tell me what you want.
You know what I want? I want for you to leave me the hell alone.
Oh, hey, Robbie.
What brings you to the bar at 2:00 in the afternoon? And where's Sarah? Sarah is, um she's we broke up.
Oh, man.
I'm sorry.
On the house.
Thanks.
- Drinking seems to help.
- Been there.
For a couple of weeks after my last relationship, I was throwing O.
J.
In some vodka and calling it breakfast.
At least I waited till early afternoon.
Oh, I can tell you're dealing way better than I did.
- One more shot? - Absolutely.
Buzz, will you pass the tape? Buzz, the tape.
You know what? Never mind.
I get it, okay? I suck! Thanks for letting me know.
I'm aware that everyone here hates me.
Message received, Buzz.
Welcome to your bachelor party.
- Oh.
- Oh, my god.
- Whoo! - We have music, mani-pedi, and a bull.
I know I should be offended, but this is everything I've ever wanted.
Ooh.
- Am I allowed to touch you? - Please don't touch Lars.
The service will charge me an extra $200.
Ooh, I think I'll have one of these.
Perfect.
Tonight's signature cocktail is something I like to call "the harvey man-banger.
" Oh, Roger, these are surprisingly delicious.
I'm gonna need at least six more of these.
Would you like some, Lars? I'm not touching.
I'm an ass.
I told you, that bro thing was dumb.
Problem is I'll never trust your judgment On anything ever again because you broke up with Chloe In a boat.
Oh, be right back.
Hey.
You dumped her in a boat? What were you thinking? Okay, you know how I've never dated anyone before? Mmhmm.
Never broken up before either.
I didn't know what I was doing.
Clearly.
Here's a tip for next time Have your exit marked, make your move, and then get out of there.
That just sounded like I gave you instructions on how to commit a mugging.
Well, if I ever fall on hard times You know, there's a silver lining in all this.
Oh, yeah? Me and Chloe actually kind of bonded.
She opened up to me about her jerk ex-boyfriend - I think he sounds nice.
- And I talked to her about my breakup with Greg.
- Your what? - Yeah, I broke up with Greg On land, like a normal person.
That's Wow.
I feel good about it.
I'm excited to be on my own for a little while.
I mean, I just feel like I've been moving from boyfriend to boyfriend, and I need to take some time for myself.
- You know? - Yeah, sure.
- Ride 'em, cowboy! - Whoo-hoo! This time tomorrow, we'll be married.
- You know it.
Whoo! - What was that? Sorry.
I-I get really fratty in super-gay environments.
Here is to years of marital bliss.
Run.
Roger, I never thought I'd say this, but this has actually been a pretty fun bachelor party.
Well, thank you, ma'am.
Oh, Lars, I almost forgot.
Yes.
And classic.
- Voila! - I love it.
Okay, how do I look? - Amazing.
- Oh, my - Okay, enough! - What? - What is happening? - You mean the veil? Wha relax.
It's just a joke.
No, no, this is this is all too much.
This morning I was I was sitting at breakfast, having a regular day, and now I don't I don't recognize you anymore.
- What are you talking about? - I think we should go.
Someone breathes the word "marriage," and and all of a sudden, you're a totally different person.
I am not! You got a mani-pedi! You want to take my name! Is that what this is about taking your name? No.
Well yes, actually.
Fine, I won't take your stupid name.
Excellent.
I think that's settled, then.
It's not just that.
You're acting ridiculous.
- I'm acting ridiculous? - Yeah.
Who's the one randomly shouting in front of all our friends? I thought we were happy the way things were, but it turns out all this time that you were secretly dying to have some big, dumb wedding.
What are you saying? You don't want to marry me? Honestly, I don't know.
I don't know anything! I-I can't breathe.
So Man-banger? - What the hell happened last night? - Oh, Grace.
Hello.
My dads slept apart.
They may have gotten into a little spat.
The wedding is in six hours.
Look, this is just normal pre-wedding jitters.
Everything is gonna be fine, I promise.
Better be.
So you didn't tell her? I couldn't.
She started talking about how happy she is to be on her own and how she doesn't want to date anyone for a while.
She was really excited and empowered.
- It totally sucked.
- That's a bummer.
So I guess that's it.
Well, look at it this way.
Now that you've put this thing with Marina behind you, you can un-break up with the hot girl in the short shorts who actually likes you.
Hey! More candles, less chitchat, ladies.
We're on the clock here.
How are you, Grace? Besides up to my neck in imbeciles? Fine.
Thank you.
She's like a murderous little pixie.
Eh.
Hmm.
Hi.
You found me.
Yeah, Mikela told me there was a big, sad man in the tepee.
- How are you doing? - I don't know Sad, embarrassed, a little drunk still.
That's 'cause you're still drinking.
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
You want to know something? All this time, I don't think I was really upset about my missing suit.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
I just, um I got freaked out by the finality of it all by the commitment.
Well, I hate to break it to you, but you guys have been together for 19 years.
You have a home and two kids.
You're committed.
I know.
And I love that.
Marriage is scary.
I thought that you, of all people, would get that.
Hey, I'm not the one that gave up.
I still believe in marriage.
I just don't believe in Steve.
It's dumb, but not being married was like an open window, - like this little escape hatch.
- Ah.
It was nice to know it was there.
- Mm.
- Like, if I wanted to, I could still be like you single and on this adventure.
Is that what this looks like? Because I feel like I'm flailing.
You don't really want to be single again, do you? No.
I was miserable.
Then what's the point of an escape hatch if you don't want what's on the other side? The truth is everything is a mixed bag.
Marriage is hard.
Being single is hard.
But you have to make a choice.
I already did, didn't I? Yep.
19 years ago.
Now give me some of that whiskey.
You've got me feeling all sad and single.
Thanks for coming in, David.
Thanks for having me, mr.
Carpenter.
Oh, you can call me Brian.
I feel like I know you already.
We were big fans back in the day.
Thanks.
So, um, what have you been doing since you left the Minors? Um I mean, I see you work at a camp during the summer.
Yeah, I'm the go-to handyman.
- But what else? - "What else" what? What else do you do the rest of the year? I-I travel.
Oh.
For work? No.
Well, for spiritual work.
I'm getting to know me, you know? Sure.
You know, Brian, some people They follow a traditional path, but, um, I see that as a sad, slow march to the grave.
I don't do traditional.
I don't follow rules.
I walk my own path.
I make my own rules.
I like to be able to get up and leave at any given moment's notice.
Screw normal, right? And I-I think that's what I could bring to your organization.
Hey.
Hey, Robbie.
Can I get you a drink? Uh, no, but Will you go to a wedding with me? What? Look, this week has totally sucked, but yesterday with you, I actually had fun.
Me too.
And there's this wedding at camp that I have to go to, which is, like, the last thing I feel like doing.
- A wedding? - Come on, it'll be fun.
I don't know.
Won't that be kind of awkward? No, it'll be great.
I promise.
Okay, fine.
But you should know, I'm not one of those girls who sips her drink in the corner.
If I'm at a wedding, I dance.
I can deal with that.
Well, hello.
Did you come to apologize for almost throwing our entire life in the trash? - Yes.
- Hmm.
Let me guess You felt as if your escape hatch was closing? You know, dealing with your emotional claustrophobia is getting annoying, but I put up with it 'cause I love you.
I know.
Thanks.
Hey, my suit.
Yeah, well, you wouldn't shut up about it, So I had our neighbor break into our place and overnight it.
Oh! What happened to it? I shredded it After you embarrassed me in front of our friends.
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
- And guess what.
- Hmm? You don't have to worry anymore.
The state revoked gay marriage this morning.
- What? - Mm.
The state shut down city hall.
The wedding is off.
Hey, what are you doing? I help make those! Well, we don't need it anymore.
- The wedding is off! - What? It's not fair! Why does this keep happening to me? Okay.
There, there.
Why did you just kiss my hand? I was trying to comfort you.
I knew it was weird as soon as I did it.
Well, the State shut us down, but we all know it's just a matter of time, so we're doing it anyway, celebrating one of our favorite couples.
Todd and Raffi, we love you guys.
You are perfect together, Not because you never freak out or piss each other off, but because you do, and you keep on going.
You've built a house, a home, and a family.
And you're by each other's side no matter what, and if that is not the legal definition of marriage, well, then it should be.
I am so thrilled to fake-marry the best couple I know.
So I hereby pronounce you, not legally, but in every other way, married! Looks like the men of Little Otter are happy that Marina is single again.
She said she's taking time off from dating.
Yeah, that's what girls who date jerks always say before they date their next jerk.
Why is it a dinosaur? - I don't know.
- I kind of like it.
So what happened with Chloe? I heard about the boat ride from hell.
Well, I felt bad, so I left her flowers and a note.
A note? What did it say? "I'm sorry.
" I kept it simple.
Yeah, you got back together with her.
What? No, I didn't.
Yeah, you did.
No way! She'll know what I meant.
- Okay.
- She will! Hi.
Would you like tail or teeth? I'll have some tail.
Oh, for god's sake, just sleep with him already.
Hmm? Who? You know who! Cole.
He's been looking at you all summer.
He wants it.
You want it.
Grab him, throw him down outside, and go all cavegirl on him.
I agree, except for the cavegirl part, which I really didn't follow.
- You should do it.
- Guys, he's 28 - And he works for me.
- So what? - Don't you want to? - Of course I want to! I want to all the time lately, with all kinds of people.
Yesterday I was having fantasies about the guy who delivers our bottled water.
Now is the time.
It's like the guy in his 40s getting a sports car.
Sometimes you just got to ride on something new and shiny.
Plus, whatever "mom" thing he's got going on isn't gonna last forever.
- Guys, stop.
- That's true.
It is never going to happen.
Hey, Grace.
Congratulations.
Thanks.
Sorry about you and Sarah.
I'm here if you ever need to talk.
And I turn 18 in two years, so Good to know.
Adelaide! One gift bag per person! I will rip those grubby little fingers right off! I am so happy we're back together! - What? No.
- I forgive you.
Chloe, we're not back together.
What? But you gave me flowers.
You said you were sorry.
Yeah, I'm sorry for how I broke up with you, not not for breaking up with you.
So you're breaking up with me again? No, I'm not.
I'm breaking up with you still.
What is wrong with you? - Oh! - Whoa! - Are you okay? - Yeah.
I just need to get out of here.
Marina, there's something you should know.
We need to talk.
- Can't I finish my jam first? - No, now.
Hey, you want to get some cake? Sounds good.
Before you say anything, I get it.
You made a mistake.
You were acting crazy.
You want to get back together? It's cool.
Now, let's go back inside so I can finish up my jam.
Did you write that song about me? - What song? - The one about me.
- Yes.
- Don't lie to me.
Well, I didn't actually write it.
I found it in the trash.
But I brought it to life with my music.
I gave it soul.
- This has been really fun.
- Yeah, totally.
Whoa.
This is sudden and Public.
Ow.
What the hell, Sarah? I see what this is about.
I'm such an idiot.
- Thanks a lot, Robbie! - Wait, Casey! Thanks for that.
Me? What the hell were you doing? Oh, so you're the only one who's allowed to make out with other people.
I didn't do it in front of you! No, you did it behind my back and lied to me for weeks! Is this what this whole summer is gonna be like You just trying to punish me? I don't know! Maybe! You deserve it! You know what? I'm not sorry.
Well, I feel bad for you, because nothing is ever gonna make you happy not swimming, not a relationship.
Deep down, you're just a sad and miserable person! Oh, wait.
I forgot to ask you.
How did your interview go? - The job wasn't for me.
- What do you mean? It sounded perfect for you.
Ah, they wanted to lock me down, keep me there for years.
Suddenly I'm some sad guy in a suit and a 401(k) and a pot belly it's just not me.
I want to have adventures and be spontaneous.
- What's wrong? - This isn't gonna work.
- What do you mean? - What I mean is I'm gonna talk to you as a friend.
Okay.
Look, here, you're a big fish in a little pond, and I know you like that, and I like having you.
Part of me wishes you would stay here forever.
But as your friend, I have to tell you that you have got to get your act together.
If you ever want to find a woman with anything going on upstairs, you've got to decide what it is you want and go for it.
- I know what I want.
- No.
I value you a lot as a friend, but that is as far as this can ever go.
You're too young for me - No, I'm not.
- In every way.
You got to move on, Cole.
Love sucks, and marriage is even worse.
Marriage is like putting your junk inside a tiger's mouth.
Sure, you may get tongue, but nine times out of ten, you're gonna get teeth.
Here's hoping for that one in ten.
Really good wedding.
Those tiny hamburgers were delicious.
I ate, like, eight of them.
Okay.
Good wedding.
Good wedding.
Good wedding.
Oh, you guys.
You! This? This is And, dads, just so you know, I used your credit card to book the whole family tickets to New York.
We're going to the courthouse and making this legit.
Whoo! Yeah! - Whoo! - Yeah! Hey, Buzz, have you seen Kip? Hey.
You okay? Can I talk to you for a second? Don't be a stranger, okay? Thank you.
Off you go.
So you wrote that song about me.
Yeah.
Why didn't you tell me? Um Probably because I make all the wrong decisions, all the time.
- No, you don't.
- Yeah, I do.
I'm potentially the worst decision maker on the planet.
No way.
My bad decision making blows yours out of the water.
I dated Greg.
Oh, yeah.
That one was pretty bad.
Sorry I didn't tell you.
How's your face? It's fine.
Let me look.
I think it's gonna be okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.