Cheaters (2022) s01e07 Episode Script
Episode 7
Mmm. What's this? Pancakes.
It's very impressive
for a Friday morning.
MUSIC: All Your Love Is Gone
by Boxed In
Sorry I didn't see you last night,
you were already asleep
when I got in.
What did you get up to?
Just conked out, pretty much.
MOANS OF PLEASURE
Oh, hey, guys! Ooop Hey!
You off to work? Oh, no, Zack is.
I'm just popping to the shops.
Cool.
Hi, Josh. Hi, Zack.
Well, guess where
we're going tonight?
My ten-year school reunion!
Are you going too, Josh?
Yep. Moral support.
I've organised it.
It's going to be fun.
Right. Er, off to the shops.
Ooh, yeah,
I might detour that way, actually.
Oh. Yeah?
Yeah, I need, some, um
..uhwater.
Just make sure you're home by six.
Bye.
All right. See you later.
Bye, guys. See you later.
I'm just saying,
if we're going to do this,
you need to be careful.
You might as well have come out
holding a fucking Love Actually sign
saying,
"I'm having sex with your wife."
I didn't think it was that obvious.
They don't know anything.
Yeah, well, they don't
until they do.
Well, I just
I don't know, I wanted to see you.
OK. Let's get one thing clear.
This thing, whatever it is,
it's about sex.
They don't have any granola
They've got porridge.
Yeah, well, I'm not a horse, Josh,
I'm not just going to eat oats.
What was I saying?
Sex.
Right. OK, so, um
I don't want to hear about your day,
I don't want to braid your hair
and talk about feelings.
Yeah. No, me too. Yeah, all of that.
I hate 'em. Urgh!
Feelings are the worst.
Yeah, but, yeah.
Let's just use each other for sex.
No, I don't mean
Just
You know, let's keep it
..light and breezy.
Light and breezy.
Yeah, I can do that. Easy peasy.
What are you doing later?
CHUCKLES
Well done, guys.
You're doing great.
Excellent efforts.
CHILD SCREAMS
Oh, shit.
You Ooh, you all right?
Yeah. Yeah?
Yeah. He's fine.
BLOWS WHISTLE
He's fine.
VIDEO: It's in places like this,
motorway lay-bys,
or sometimes even rural fields,
that doggers meet to watch
sexual intercourse and masturbate.
Sometimes other people join in.
But it's mainly about watching those
having sex.
KNOCKING
Er, come in!
Boss, just so you can sign
Darren's leaving card.
Yes, great.
Yeah, thank you. Mm-hm.
WHISPERS: Oh, my God!
What time did you say the band was
coming in? 4.30.
And no-one's in before that? No.
Cool. And
you're going out to lunch, yeah?
OK. Now, I'm concerned that you're
asking in that level of detail.
Are you writing a text?
Been there, man.
What are you doing?
Trying to keep it casual?
Don't read I find the best way
to do it is making sure
the conversation's
always focused on sex.
Have you even had sex?
Course, man. With four people,
and hands and finger stuff
with, like, three others.
What you should do is, like,
send sexy texts,
and photos and stuff, you know?
Like a dick pic.
Paul? Please do some work.
Now that I've helped You haven't.
Can I use the studio later?
Absolutely not.
Oh! Hi.
Oooh! Wow. God!
How many people
have you got coming to this?
Erm, well, 60 said they were coming
on Facebook
but I justI just
put everyone down just in case. 60?
Don't worry. I did a health
and safety thing and everything.
A health and safety thing?
Erm You should
you should drop by. If you want.
Isn't Josh coming to this
with you tonight?
Ah. Yeah. Fair point.
Yeah. Well, um
..have fun.
SIGHS DEEPLY
UNBUCKLES BEL
Oh, my
Oh, God.
PHONE BUZZES
SLAMS PHONE ON TABLE
LAUGHTER, DANCE MUSIC
WHISTLING
Hey. Hey! Listen up, everyone.
I would like to take a moment
before anyone gets,
welltoo smashed,
to pay tribute to Darren.
CHEERING
Look, I am very sad to say that
Darren will be moving on,
to a terrific opportunity
atSpotify.
So, uh, we're going to miss him,
you know.
He's Darren, he's been with us
since the beginning.
Um
When there were just five of us.
The five musketeers.
That'sthat's what we were.
Umuh
Sorry.
Darren Darren.
Anyway! To Darren!
CHEERING
RAPS: # Brexit, Syria,
give the government a bone
# We're all in the gutter
but we're looking at our phones
# Liking, retweeting
checking our WhatsApp
# Is it a real connection though
or is it just crap? #
Paul, what is this?
This is Henry. He's great, right?
I said you couldn't do this.
I thought that was
a test of my maturity.
I swear to God,
this is the last straw.
Can we have five minutes
to finish up? Paul!
Please, man!
It means I'm learning the equipment,
so I can be more useful to you,
right? Please? Please,
Paul says you're the best boss
he's ever had.
I'm the only boss he's ever had.
He looks up to you like a brother.
Or an uncle.
PHONE BUZZES
Whoa, man!
That was like a cowboy or something!
It's very impressive
for a Friday morning.
MUSIC: All Your Love Is Gone
by Boxed In
Sorry I didn't see you last night,
you were already asleep
when I got in.
What did you get up to?
Just conked out, pretty much.
MOANS OF PLEASURE
Oh, hey, guys! Ooop Hey!
You off to work? Oh, no, Zack is.
I'm just popping to the shops.
Cool.
Hi, Josh. Hi, Zack.
Well, guess where
we're going tonight?
My ten-year school reunion!
Are you going too, Josh?
Yep. Moral support.
I've organised it.
It's going to be fun.
Right. Er, off to the shops.
Ooh, yeah,
I might detour that way, actually.
Oh. Yeah?
Yeah, I need, some, um
..uhwater.
Just make sure you're home by six.
Bye.
All right. See you later.
Bye, guys. See you later.
I'm just saying,
if we're going to do this,
you need to be careful.
You might as well have come out
holding a fucking Love Actually sign
saying,
"I'm having sex with your wife."
I didn't think it was that obvious.
They don't know anything.
Yeah, well, they don't
until they do.
Well, I just
I don't know, I wanted to see you.
OK. Let's get one thing clear.
This thing, whatever it is,
it's about sex.
They don't have any granola
They've got porridge.
Yeah, well, I'm not a horse, Josh,
I'm not just going to eat oats.
What was I saying?
Sex.
Right. OK, so, um
I don't want to hear about your day,
I don't want to braid your hair
and talk about feelings.
Yeah. No, me too. Yeah, all of that.
I hate 'em. Urgh!
Feelings are the worst.
Yeah, but, yeah.
Let's just use each other for sex.
No, I don't mean
Just
You know, let's keep it
..light and breezy.
Light and breezy.
Yeah, I can do that. Easy peasy.
What are you doing later?
CHUCKLES
Well done, guys.
You're doing great.
Excellent efforts.
CHILD SCREAMS
Oh, shit.
You Ooh, you all right?
Yeah. Yeah?
Yeah. He's fine.
BLOWS WHISTLE
He's fine.
VIDEO: It's in places like this,
motorway lay-bys,
or sometimes even rural fields,
that doggers meet to watch
sexual intercourse and masturbate.
Sometimes other people join in.
But it's mainly about watching those
having sex.
KNOCKING
Er, come in!
Boss, just so you can sign
Darren's leaving card.
Yes, great.
Yeah, thank you. Mm-hm.
WHISPERS: Oh, my God!
What time did you say the band was
coming in? 4.30.
And no-one's in before that? No.
Cool. And
you're going out to lunch, yeah?
OK. Now, I'm concerned that you're
asking in that level of detail.
Are you writing a text?
Been there, man.
What are you doing?
Trying to keep it casual?
Don't read I find the best way
to do it is making sure
the conversation's
always focused on sex.
Have you even had sex?
Course, man. With four people,
and hands and finger stuff
with, like, three others.
What you should do is, like,
send sexy texts,
and photos and stuff, you know?
Like a dick pic.
Paul? Please do some work.
Now that I've helped You haven't.
Can I use the studio later?
Absolutely not.
Oh! Hi.
Oooh! Wow. God!
How many people
have you got coming to this?
Erm, well, 60 said they were coming
on Facebook
but I justI just
put everyone down just in case. 60?
Don't worry. I did a health
and safety thing and everything.
A health and safety thing?
Erm You should
you should drop by. If you want.
Isn't Josh coming to this
with you tonight?
Ah. Yeah. Fair point.
Yeah. Well, um
..have fun.
SIGHS DEEPLY
UNBUCKLES BEL
Oh, my
Oh, God.
PHONE BUZZES
SLAMS PHONE ON TABLE
LAUGHTER, DANCE MUSIC
WHISTLING
Hey. Hey! Listen up, everyone.
I would like to take a moment
before anyone gets,
welltoo smashed,
to pay tribute to Darren.
CHEERING
Look, I am very sad to say that
Darren will be moving on,
to a terrific opportunity
atSpotify.
So, uh, we're going to miss him,
you know.
He's Darren, he's been with us
since the beginning.
Um
When there were just five of us.
The five musketeers.
That'sthat's what we were.
Umuh
Sorry.
Darren Darren.
Anyway! To Darren!
CHEERING
RAPS: # Brexit, Syria,
give the government a bone
# We're all in the gutter
but we're looking at our phones
# Liking, retweeting
checking our WhatsApp
# Is it a real connection though
or is it just crap? #
Paul, what is this?
This is Henry. He's great, right?
I said you couldn't do this.
I thought that was
a test of my maturity.
I swear to God,
this is the last straw.
Can we have five minutes
to finish up? Paul!
Please, man!
It means I'm learning the equipment,
so I can be more useful to you,
right? Please? Please,
Paul says you're the best boss
he's ever had.
I'm the only boss he's ever had.
He looks up to you like a brother.
Or an uncle.
PHONE BUZZES
Whoa, man!
That was like a cowboy or something!