Connecting... (2020) s01e07 Episode Script

1
[discordant piano chords]
Whoo! Let's pregame.
Uh, no "whoo" for me. I have no time.
Everyone is so busy.
Ellis is getting ready for the party,
Pradeep is setting up
Halloween for his kids
So I'm the last one you called?
Last and best. Obviously.
I have to finish work
and an episode of "Selling Sunset"
before the party tonight.
I haven't even started
thinking about a costume.
What's the theme again?
- Universal classic monsters.
- [groans]
Ellis!
Why do we have to do a big,
complicated Halloween this year?
Complicated? It's classic costumes!
Plus, you and Garret are the masters
- of quarantine crafting.
- [laughs] Not anymore.
It has been seven months,
and we are burnt out.
Do you know what we had
for dinner last night?
Stew.
Not a carbonnade a la flamande,
not a niçoise soup, stew.
I don't think we have a fancy Halloween
- in us this year.
- I mean
do you have to watch an
episode of "Selling Sunset"?
Uh, yeah, I do.
Garret and I were watching together,
but then he asked if he
could watch one without me,
and I said, "Yeah, sure, I'll catch up,"
but then I watched one
without him, and then
- Michelle.
- I know!
We're stuck in this catching up loop,
but that show is like an illegal drug.
I know it's bad for me,
but I just can't stop.
I am so tired.
- [doorbell rings]
- Who's that?
Oh that's the other
reason I'm drinking.
You know how my internet is the worst?
Annie, I told you to get Verizon 5G.
It is what we've been waiting for.
No, I actually have
Verizon 5G, thank you,
but this is for my home internet.
I asked them to fix it,
and they sent a person.
This is the first human
to step into my apartment in months.
I mean, what if they're
not wearing a mask?
What if their mask is down here?
[whispering] Oh I
can hear them breathing.
Hello? Anyone home?
Ooh
Cable guy. Permission to breach?
- Yes, please.
- Yes.
[curious music]
Are you drinking hand sanitizer?
Oh, no, I distilled it back to mead.
But you're using the same bottles?
Yeah, 'cause I'm not a monster, Ben.
- Save the Earth.
- Whatever. I'm calling about Annie.
Oh, so you finally
believe what I said
about her liking you?
Honestly, I don't even believe
that's not hand sanitizer.
But I gotta at least shoot my shot,
and this party is the
perfect time to do it.
- I'll just pull her aside
- Problem.
It's a virtual party.
There is no "aside" or "pulling."
Solution. I asked Ellis
to use the breakout room,
and she was covered in cobwebs,
but I'm pretty sure she said, "Yes."
She might've been swearing in Yiddish.
Either way, once I get Annie in there,
I'ma put on that Boyz
II Men voice and say
[deep voice] That I've been thinking
about her lately.
That I wanna know how she's doing.
You know, maybe sliding
some compliments like,
"Hey, Rufus.
I been meaning to say you
look good in them glasses."
Not to diminish the power
of your Michael McCary impression,
because I did just feel something,
but a virtual party? Not a real party.
And Annie is not the kind of shallow
micro-influencer you're
used to hitting on.
This is not what I need to hear!
I'm nervous! I need a plan! I mean
What if I waited too long already?
Also, Paz was a mid-range influencer.
Have you considered
writing her a letter
about your feelings?
Do I look like Zora Neale Hurston?
Every woman I have
written a love letter to
has kissed me at least once.
In fact, I'm writing a
letter to a woman right now.
22 pages. Double-sided.
This is what romance looks like, Ben.
Yeah, there's definitely
some sanitizer left in that bottle.
I am starting to taste it, yeah.
- Zach! Hi!
- What?
When you told me that
you were decorating,
I thought, like, maybe
one jack-o-lantern,
but this looks like Marilyn
Manson's laundry room.
Excuse me, in this
house, we are feminists,
and we make Jill-o-lanterns.
Oh, wait. Check this out.
[ghoulish scream]
Meet Zom-Bea-Arthur.
Okay, this all seems
like a lot of actual work
for a virtual party.
I do love the COVID bats, though.
I'm my friend group's Halloween czar.
Every year, they come over,
we coordinate costumes,
play games, sing karaoke
when we drink too much,
and I will be queen of the damned
if I let a little pandemic
mess with our tradition.
I even sent everyone decorations
so we all look like
we're at the same party
for our group photo.
Ooh, you're basically a saint.
Basically Mother Trans -resa.
What are you doing tonight?
Uh, probably just
watching "Hocus Pocus"
while eating a whole bag
of gummi bears by myself
'cause I'm a grown
man, and I'm worth it.
What? But you love
going out on Halloween.
Yeah, going out,
where people aren't just
seeing me from the nips up.
I mean, I get that
that's how it's gotta be,
- but I'm trans and I
- Wait, you're trans?
Surprise!
I care about my presentation.
And every day, I groom myself,
I put on my binder, I feel good!
And then I pop into a work chat
with cis people in sweatpants
who basically rolled out of bed,
looked in the mirror and was like
"This is fine."
Oh, come on, not all
cis people are like that.
Mine have actually
been really supportive
during this tough time. They get me.
And at least you're being seen.
I mean, think about how I feel.
I put on hair and
makeup to go deliver food
to people who cannot and should not
even open the door.
But tonight is different.
It's Halloween!
[exaggerated] The most wonderful time
of the year!
[speaking normally]
And, like, the one time
since March that literally everyone
has a reason to dress up.
Tonight, no one is calling it in.
Well, actually,
everyone's calling it in,
but you know what I'm saying.
I have been waiting for this night
for a year! And nothing!
Not even Zom-Bea-Arthur
is gonna keep me
from living my nips-up vampire fantasy!
[dramatic piano chords]
- Pradeep.
- Annie!
- [voices chattering]
- I told you, I can't drink.
I'm too busy decorating
for home quaran-treating
with the kids!
I need a drink right now.
Richie just asked me to
prepare different characters
for when I "answer the door."
I should have never
married a theater minor.
- Pradeep, it's the cable guy.
- What?
Was he not wearing a mask?
Was his nose uncovered?
No, he was hot and funny,
and he asked me out on a virtual date.
Did you just call me to brag?
No, I called you to
panic! I said, "Yes"!
And I blanked on Ellis'
Halloween party tonight!
Because cute boy wear mask good.
Well, why don't you
just "Doubtfire" it?
Yeah, uh, pull up the date
chat and the party chat
on the same computer and go between 'em.
It's easy.
You know, the software is built
for switching from meeting to meeting.
Oh, my God, you're right.
Wow
this is, like, an actual
benefit of quarantine.
Hey, and I will text you with updates
- so you don't miss anything important.
- Amazing.
I need a second costume
too. "Phantom of the Opera."
Lot of mask, not a lot of sexy.
Man, "Doubtfire"-ing is hard.
[laughs] Yeah. He
gets caught in the movie.
Wait, he does? Why
am I doing this, then?
Okay, bye!
I have to go make my
children's eyes magical!
[haunting piano chords]
Hello?
Yes! Sing, my angel of group chat!
[as Dracula] I vant
to suck your blood.
Wrong character, but
I dig your enthusiasm.
- Good evening!
- Rufus, where's your costume?
- I'm in costume. I'm modern
-day Frankenstein.
Then where are your neck bolts?
Okay, Frankenstein was the doctor,
not the monster.
I even messed up my hair a little bit
to make it look more mad scientist-y.
I'm a lab right now!
- Hey, hey!
- Hi!
What, no one's wearing costumes?
Is everyone Rufus-ing?
I thought Rufus-ing was when
your nose bleeds during sex.
- Okay.
- I'm the Invisible Man.
Just at the beginning
when he was visible.
Yeah, and I haven't
shaved my legs in a while,
so I'm going as the Wolfman.
Yeah, I'm growing
out my beard, so I'm
- I'm Wolfman too.
- Oh, my God.
From womb to tomb.
Must you always copy me?
- Hi.
- Oh, finally.
- Someone in an actual costume.
- No.
This is just what happens
when two sugar-high children
find your toilet paper stash
and wanna turn daddy into a mummy.
Well, at least toddlers understand
how Halloween works.
Look, no one's in costume.
Fine, whatever.
We're here celebrating
Halloween together,
and what better way to commemorate that
than with our annual group photo?
Sorry, sorry, before we do that,
I've been drinking hard seltzer all day.
I gotta hit the coffin.
You're the Phantom, not Dracula,
and go, you got two
minutes. I'm timing you.
[computer chirps]
[lightning crashes]
Come on, that at least
deserved an "ooh."
All: Ooh
[jaunty piano chords]
♪
Hi! Sorry I'm late.
Hey, hey, no, it's okay.
I only just started to think
you were standing me up.
Oh, no, can you ever forgive me?
I don't know
normally, I wouldn't,
but for a sexy cat
[chuckles] I promise I'm not normally
late for things
well, okay, I am, but
not important things.
Is this important?
Yes is that weird?
No, no, I I think
it's important too.
So if it is, we can
just be weird together.
You look great.
Thanks.
I know, sexy cat is
what every girl wears
when she forgets to plan a costume
and remembers she has
cat ears in her closet,
but it's my truth.
Well, not to blow my own spot,
but Han Solo is literally
the male equivalent
of sexy cat, so
- It is?
- Yeah.
It's simple, you probably have it
in your closet, and come on,
everyone looks good in a vest, right?
I mean, just because you do
[phone chimes]
Uh, Annie?
Annie, are you still there?
Sorry, my internet is being weird.
Really? It was great when I left.
Yes, right.
That is what you came here to fix.
It's actually it's my laptop.
Let me reboot it and I'll be right back.
♪
Ben, Garret, focus.
Every year, he rises
from the pumpkin patch
he thinks is the most sincere.
- Al Roker.
- Ed Sheeran.
- The Great Pumpkin!
- Correct!
But that was way more than two minutes.
I had to reboot my computer.
I thought you said you
had to go to the bathroom.
Yeah, that's what I call it.
Hooray! Point for us. Your turn.
Where's Pradeep?
"Visage ate too many sour candies
"and puked all over her Elsa wig.
I have to go help Richie clean up."
Says he likes the rainbow
tint it gives the room, though.
Garret, can you
please wake up your wife?
Are you watching something?!
Hmm?
Are you watching "Selling Sunset"?
- I need to catch up!
- No, I need to catch up!
Are you sure? What
episode are you on?
Have you gotten to Mary
and Romain's wedding yet?
Mary and Romain actually get married?
Son of a
How is that a spoiler?!
They're such a weird couple!
I figured something would go wrong.
Uh, okay, guys. Uh, BRB.
[phone chimes]
Um, one second.
What is happening?!
Well! That wig is ruined.
Also, I have a lot of
questions about the food dyes
we're putting into
our children's bodies.
[groans] Too bad.
Richie spent forever styling that thing.
Oh, did he?
Did Richie spend forever
putting a look together
only to have it go to waste?
That is too bad.
[dramatic piano sting]
Hey. What's up?
Oh, uh, nothing. I've just
[in deep voice] been
thinking about you lately.
And wanted to see how you're doing.
Uh I think my internet
is still messed up.
You sounded insane.
[clears throat] Sorry.
I was just saying
I've been thinking about you lately,
and I wanted to see how you're doing.
Oh. I'm doing good.
Thank you for asking.
Your hair looks
great, by the way. I
That pink really brings out your
brown eyes.
Thanks. It's
it's been pink a while.
Yeah, well, it
Still looks good.
I'm sorry we haven't
been talking much lately.
I feel like things have been crazy.
- It's okay. You know, if you
- [phone chimes]
If you don't mind,
I would I would
Love to talk more often.
Definitely. Reboot.
What?
Yes. Talking.
- I love talking.
- Great!
[phone chimes]
Sorry, I gotta go.
I'll see you back at the party, okay?
Great.
[in deep voice] Guess I'll
talk to you later, girl.
[speaking normally] I do sound insane.
[haunting piano music]
So I'm the only one who cares
about Halloween anymore or what?
- No!
- This is fun.
Come on, you guys.
You're acting like it's J.lo's
Oscar nomination party in here.
- Ben, where's Annie at?
- I honestly have no idea.
Michelle, Garret, y'all okay?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, couldn't be better.
All right, I don't believe you,
but if we can all just stay
in one place long enough
for Annie to get back so
we can get that group photo,
that would be amazing.
All right, besties!
Time to get this party back on track!
Who is drunk enough for karaoke?
I know I am!
Whaa ♪
"Paddington 2"?
Well, you asked for hidden
gem movie recommendations!
People are sleeping on "Paddington 2."
Oh, no, I've seen it.
I mean, it's basically a perfect film.
Then why are you making fun of me?
Because it's an
incredibly uncool movie
to bring up on a first date.
What, so you'd rather be with a guy
who brings up "Audition"
or "Memories of Murder" or whatever?
No, I wanna be with
a guy that brings up
- "Paddington 2," really.
- [phone chimes]
Oh. Oh oh!
I think I have something at the door.
Y-you think? But
[phone chimes]
Please hold. I
just I I gotta put
I gotta pop out real quick.
I'll just, uh
I'll be BRB. Yeah.
No. No, no, no. Mute, not merge!
Ah!
Mute, not merge!
Annie! You're ruining my Garth-mena!
And why are you a sexy cat?
Uh. hello?
Mute, not merge!
Who is this guy?
Annie, what what
What's going on?
- Wait, you know him?
- Oh, n-n-no!
This must be one of those video
chat bombs I've heard about.
Interloper!
Okay, I'm just
I'm just gonna go.
No, wait, Cameron, don't.
I can explain to all of you.
My friends are having a
virtual Halloween party tonight,
and when you asked me out,
I didn't want to say, "No,"
so I've been switching back and forth.
You've been
what?!
Yeah, I figured something was up
when it took you 25 minutes
to reboot your computer.
Yeah, I was trying to switch back,
but I hit merge, not mute.
I'm sorry. I'm a bad liar.
No, that's
That's a good quality.
Guys, this is Cameron.
We're on a date tonight.
- At least, we were.
- I'd say we still are.
So things are going well?
They're going interesting.
Uh, but yeah, I'm into it.
Into Annie.
I know it's a little quick
to say something like that,
but I always feel that
if you're into something,
you should go after it right away.
That's so sweet.
So Cameron, tell us about yourself.
Age and blood type. Go.
Sorry, they're a lot.
Uh, my name is Cameron.
Uh my day job is cable guy,
but I also host a Clippers
basketball podcast.
Really? What's it called?
"Slam Dunk with Cam Funk."
- Never heard of it.
- What Ben
What are you talking about?
He's Cam Funk!
- We love your podcast!
- Not ringing a bell.
I bought you a Cam Funk
t-shirt for Christmas!
You said you wished it was a pillowcase!
Well, it is if you
put a pillow in it.
Oh, you're that Cam Funk.
Hey, you know how you
said the Clippers lost
in the playoffs because
Kawhi and Paul George
did have enough time to gel?
Yeah, I I think the pandemic
- just messed up their chemistry.
- I agree, Cam Funk!
I think they could've
been a great couple
who found lasting success
if an outside force
hadn't came along and
Cam Funk'd everything up!
Enough!
I have had enough!
Is this party ever gonna happen?
Because it seems like
every time it starts,
something interrupts it.
A fight or a secret date
or a child's sugar OD.
Have all of you lost
the Halloween spirit?
There's no costumes, no participation,
and I was gonna let this go,
but how did not one of you
put up the decorations I sent?!
I mean, I literally bought
and mailed them to you!
And I know everyone's busy
and stressed right now
I'm busy and
stressed right now
But gourd-damn it, would it kill you
to put in a little effort?!
I thought you said what was important
was being together.
Yeah! Together.
Not checked out.
Not hopping in and out of the group chat
like Scooby-Doo in a hallway of doors!
No, no, no, no.
I can't even get you all together
in one place for a simple group photo,
which is now a moot point anyway
because Annie is a sexy cat,
and she brought along some rando
who looks like Ethan Hawke
at the end of "Daybreakers"!
I'm Han Solo, actually.
Sorry, I can leave.
No, Cam Funk. This
is not your funky fault.
I love your podcast.
I've never been so hurt
and starstruck at the same time,
which is honestly very confusing for me,
but as for the rest of you!
I must have found
Halloween's old tweets,
because this party is canceled!
Ugh!
[computer chimes] [lightning crashes]
[Zom-Bea-Arthur screams]
I can't right now Bea.
[light piano music]
Morning. Anyone else feel
terrible about last night?
- Yep.
- Uh, ya think?
- I feel like a jerk.
- Real bad. Real bad, yeah.
I think Ellis is mad.
I texted her earlier;
she left me on "sent."
She's not talking to me, either.
I know how much this party meant to her,
which should have made
it mean more to us.
Well, what do we do?
You know, she's always there for us,
and last night, we were
literally not there for her.
[computer chirps]
All: Hey! [overlapping chatter]
- Hey, gorgeous!
- You look great!
- You wear a hangover well.
- Oh, shut up.
I know I look good.
That's not the point.
I'm trying to show you
guys what I look like
when I put as much
effort into my appearance
as you all did last night so
you can see how much effort
I actually put in all the time.
I know you guys aren't trans.
I know you don't think
about what you look like
the same way I do,
but if I could do hair
and makeup every day
to go on a video call or deliver food,
the least you could
do is throw on a mask
or some face paint for
our Halloween party.
Ellis, you don't have to
do all that stuff for us.
You are beautiful no matter what!
Michelle, that is
very nice, and very cis,
but I am not doing this for you.
I know I look good
without a wig and mascara.
I've been rocking this look
at protests all summer long.
But those are the things that actually
make me feel like myself.
I mean, that's the reason why Halloween
was always my favorite
holiday growing up.
It's, like, one of the few nights
every year that Janice's boyfriend
could get away from his
wife, and she'd be so happy
she didn't even notice
what I was wearing.
I could be Jessica Rabbit
or Xena the Warrior Princess
or hell, Mrs. Potato Head,
whatever woman I wanted to be.
And now that I actually
am the woman I wanna be,
Halloween is special
for a different reason.
'Cause it's a night I get to spend
with my chosen family.
Maybe it was just a party to you guys,
but this year, I really needed it.
It's November already!
Quarantine was supposed to be two weeks!
I am tired of putting my life on hold.
I just wanted one good
memory from this year.
One Halloween group photo I
could put up with the others
to remind myself that
we didn't just let 2020
slip through our fingers.
I lost 26 years of my
life being in the closet.
I'm not gonna lose another one.
Ellis, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have
"Doubtfired" your party.
Annie, it's 2020.
We call it "Hannah Montana"-ing now.
Ah! That's my bad.
I keep forgetting.
I think we're all sorry, Ellis,
and I'm sorry to you too, Michelle.
I never should have watched
"Selling Sunset" without you.
No, I shouldn't have watched
"Selling Sunset" without you.
Can we just keep
this about me? Please?
- Yes, absolutely.
- Yes, 100%.
Ellis, how can we make it up to you?
Do you want to do
virtual Friendsgiving?
What about the eight
virtual nights of Hanukkah?
Yes and yes!
But I am not planning either
of those two things, you ingrates!
I will, however, plan our
next year's Halloween costumes.
Do you think BTS will still be popular?
Or actually, more importantly,
you think we'll still be alive?
- Yes and yes!
- Well, remains to be seen.
- Maybe.
- You know I'll be alive.
Not if you catch COVID.
[laughter]
[uplifting music]
Okay, Rufus.
Or should I say, "Dr. Frankenstein"?
No, no, no, I'm Rufus now.
Oh, really? I couldn't
tell the difference.
That's exactly the point.
That's what "Frankenstein's" all about.
Who's the monster? Is
it the reanimated man?
- Or the doctor who made him?
- Are you calling for a reason?
Or are you just Rufus-ing?
Now, that is how you
use Rufus-ing properly.
Thank you.
Uh, no, I I've just been
thinking about you lately,
and wanted to see how you're doing.
I'm fine.
Managed to get some space
from my complete and
utter disappointment,
and as much as my feelings were hurt,
I know you guys didn't mean to do it.
We really didn't.
And in my defense, I never dress up.
- I
- No, I get it.
I went out and did my
deliveries like this today,
and it is so freeing
to not care at all what you look like.
Okay, well, I do I
do I care a little
about what I look like.
Well, I care a lot.
I just miss living in a world
where that actually matters.
Okay, I'm not doing
what Michelle did earlier
and saying that you
look good no matter what,
but I am thinking it against my will.
Well.
Thank you.
You've done your cisgender
good deed for the day.
Actually, now I have done
my cisgender good deed for the day.
Wha oh, my God! Rufus!
It looks just like the Kardashian/Jenner
holiday photo! I love it!
I just thought it would be a tragedy
not to have photographic evidence
of how incredible and
incredibly film-accurate
you looked in your
"Dracula's Daughter" costume.
- Thank you!
- I mean, wow!
Can you believe you
are the first person
to actually compliment me on my costume?
I cannot. You looked amazing.
I worked so hard on it. Ugh!
Well, I know it's a day late, but
Happy Halloween, Ellis.
[sentimental music]
Happy Halloween, Rufus.
♪