Curb Your Enthusiasm s01e07 Episode Script

Guess what I'm getting? A '57 Chevy.
- Really? - My neighbor's selling one, a convertible! Yeah? How come you're doing that? - I want one, why not? - You got spare change? - I got nothing, man.
- You want this? What is it? What is it? It's tuna.
I don't like tuna.
All right.
The guy doesn't like tuna.
- Isn't this nice? - Look who's here.
- Hi, Julie.
How you doing? - She's just returning Sour Grapes.
What'd you think? - Don't ask her that and put her on the spot.
- Come on, I can ask.
- I'm just curious.
- I enjoyed it.
It was interesting.
It was such a perfect length.
That's my specialty, length.
- I thought it was a good length.
- The width, what about the width? There's some good width in that movie.
No, I thought it was interesting.
And the expressions sometimes, on the characters' faces I thought I would, you know You've seen it.
- There was some real fun stuff.
- Good, I'm glad you liked it.
- Did you think so? - Absolutely.
Fun, fun stuff.
- You're doing- - Johnny Carson used to say that.
- Okay, I thought that's- - Fun stuff! He's really good at impersonations.
What, do you have to be sarcastic? - I could barely tell who you were doing! - Okay, fine.
Thanks so much for loaning it to me.
I've actually gotta get running.
I will see you at the dinner party on Friday night.
Right.
If it still goes.
Our caterer just canceled.
Oh, no.
The caterer canceled? How come? - Personal reasons.
- Personal reasons? She said, "I've got personal reasons.
I can't do it.
" You can get away with anything.
Nobody has to explain.
They just say it's personal.
Yeah, they make it sound like they don't wanna talk about it.
You should call Jeff's neighbor.
- Why? - She's a caterer.
All right, we'll think- Jeff says she's great.
Don't dismiss it so quickly.
- Well, it's Jeff.
- If this guy knows anything, he knows food.
- Believe me, you could trust him on food.
- All right, and she's good.
- He thinks she's great.
- All right, we're in dire straits.
Fine.
- Call Jeff's neighbor.
- I look forward to seeing you guys.
Yeah, I can't wait to see you and Pat.
And get back to me about the invitation.
- 'Bye, Julie.
- Okay, I'll do that.
'Bye.
- And we'll talk.
- Okay, great.
See you.
Do me a favor.
Call me back and leave me the number of your neighbor, the caterer.
Much appreciated.
'Bye.
- I think she really liked it.
- Really? Do me a favor, will you? Please don't give this tape to your friends anymore, the tape of the movie.
- She said she liked it.
- She didn't like it.
"Enjoy" does not mean "like.
" She wouldn't say something she didn't mean.
I know.
But she didn't mean anything that she said.
You don't know her that well.
Maybe on Friday you'll get to know her a little bit better- Do you have to have this dinner party? Why do this? What is this compulsion to have people over your house and serve them food and talk to them? - It's fun, it's a gathering, a party.
- What a strange thing.
Why can't you just lighten up and have a good time? People from Brooklyn don't walk around like that.
We are in California now.
You've gotta try a different way.
I'd like to make a bet that I'm not close to having a good time.
Do you wanna bet? - I won't not have a good time on purpose.
- No, I feel you will.
- We'll make a bet and see.
- You already decided you won't.
I didn't decide that.
I'm gonna try, but I know - I'll make a bet.
- Blow job in the car.
A blow job in the car.
- How about a side bet? - Depends on where we're going.
I think she'll dig doing your party.
Her food's awesome.
She's a great caterer.
Yeah, you know what? Until I moved to Los Angeles, I was never in the same room as a caterer.
Ever, once.
You can give me a Swanson's turkey dinner and I could care less.
- The potatoes are great in that dinner.
- I used to like the fried chicken one.
- That's good, too.
- Wasn't that good? - Man! - All right, I'm gonna get out of here.
Larry, I need to talk to you about something very serious.
Really? What is it? Did I do something? - Yes, you did.
- What? What did I do? You never congratulated me on my new car.
What, are you kidding? - No, I'm not kidding.
I was hurt by it.
- I never congratulated you on your new car? You walked all the way from your desk to tell me that? I didn't know how I was gonna tell you.
It's not like having a kid.
I didn't know that congratulations were in order when you get a new car.
They were.
I'm sorry I didn't congratulate you on your new car.
Congratulations.
I'm sorry.
- Let's take a drive.
- What, now? Now.
It'll make you feel great, it's fun! You'll feel good driving it.
- Me drive it? - Right now, I want you to drive it.
The car is fun! - Come on.
- Let's go, all right! - This is fantastic.
- It's unbelievable, isn't it? - What a car! - Now you know what I'm talking about.
I could see why you got hurt when I didn't congratulate you.
This is a big deal.
- All original, everything's the same.
- Amazing, put the radio on.
- What'd you pay for this? - It's personal.
Personal? What are you, insane? It's personal, everything's personal.
- It's personal.
- God.
Let's go back already.
I'm uncomfortable driving it.
I'd like to go back.
No, we'll go back in a while.
Drive a little bit more.
would be worried about their transmission.
Aamco: double A, M-C-0.
It's a stop sign over here, okay? - I didn't honk at you, you fucking asshole! - It was the radio, Larry! What are you, nuts? - Fucking idiot.
- Fucking asshole! Look at the license plate.
Get the license plate! "4-Y something.
" Holy shit! The guy could've killed us! It was the radio! Is looking at it gonna make it better? Let's go, come on! - I thought he beeped me.
- Haven't you heard that commercial before? "Double A, beep, beep, M-C-O.
" Everyone's heard that commercial.
I'm really sorry.
It was my idea to have you drive, but you know what? - What the hell is that? - What is that? - What's that noise? - This is great.
Larry, Aamco.
"Double A, beep, beep, M-C-O.
" It sounded like his horn.
We actually just got the contract for Diet Rite to do all the injection molding.
I imagine Cheryl told you what's been going on with Pat's company? We are moving from, get this, from Covina to Downey.
So I've got two lines up in Downey, and two lines going in Covina.
It's just been The books are split between Covina and Downey and it's about a 35-, 40-minute drive between the two.
- Boy, it's gotta be a pain in the neck.
- We've been trying to clock exactly how much time, hopefully, everyone's gonna be saving because it is a few miles It's a few miles, it's closer.
And you get to take the 710 versus the 10.
He's moving to Covina.
- What's that? - They're moving to, what, Downey? - Julie was telling me that.
- It's like a six-mile It's a difference.
It'll save us a lot of time.
- If you guys are ever down there, swing by.
- Yeah, we'll give you a tour.
- To the offices.
- Let's talk and figure out a time.
- Right.
Definitely.
- Larry, you remember Allison and Kevin.
- Hello.
- They just went on a cruise.
Larry, you gotta take this little lady on a cruise.
- I know where I'm gonna take this little lady.
- Excuse me for one second.
Let me tell you, cruising is It's the best trip we've ever had.
Did we not see a show on that boat? We saw a production of Annie Get Your Gun that was better than anything I've seen.
- Really? - The energy - The girl who played Annie - This girl who played Annie And we spent time with her- - Annie's a little girl, or an adult? - Annie Get Your Gun.
It's not Annie.
- Not little Annie? - No, not with the dog.
I was wondering, how's she gonna be on both? But this is a young This would be Keri Russell-style, you know, Felicity.
How are you doing? - Good, how are you doing? - Good.
I was just admiring your art here.
- I'm Mike Duffy.
How are you? - Hi, Larry David.
Listen, I know who you are.
Nice to meet you.
- Nice house you have.
- Thank you.
You mind if I ask you a question? We watch the Seinfeld show, right? But we didn't watch it when it was on, and now it's on the reruns.
Do you get paid every time they show that? - Yeah.
- That's great.
I was thinking the other day, how great it would be if Aamco paid me for transmissions that I fixed six years ago.
That's good, how you just did that.
What? He's very good.
You told him about the Aamco thing? - No.
- Very funny.
- I work for Aamco.
- Very funny joke.
I work for Aamco.
No, I'm not kidding you.
I do.
- Of course.
He's terrific.
- He does work for Aamco.
I completely forgot about that.
- Why would I make that up? - You own an Aamco station? - Three of them, actually.
- You won't believe what happened to me.
- What? - My friend got this '57 Chevy.
Great, '57 Chevy.
I love those cars.
I'm driving the car and this Aamco commercial comes on the radio.
- Sure, James Brolin, "Beep-beep!" - "Double A " Right, "Beep-beep!" - Yeah, "M-C-O.
" - I thought the beeps were real.
- No, it's in the commercial.
- I thought the guy behind me was beeping.
So I turned around, and I started yelling at the guy.
He started yelling back.
The guy got so pissed off he rammed us from behind and sped away.
- My God, that's terrible.
- Now the car's making a terrible noise.
- Was the car in gear when he hit you? - Yeah.
That could be something serious.
You know, my father had a '57 Chevy.
I could take that car apart and put it back.
I'm sure I could take a look at it and do something for you.
- My God, that's unbelievable.
- I got a card here.
Give me a call.
- Mrs.
David? Dinner's served.
- Thank you.
You guys, it's dinnertime.
- That's fantastic.
- I like you, Larry.
I like your show, too.
- Thank you very much.
- You know Maggie.
- Hi, Maggie.
- I like this guy.
- He's gonna help us out.
- Now he's gonna feed us.
This is great.
Don't worry, we'll take care of you.
Listen, everybody, have a seat wherever you'd like.
How about that? Back support.
I got a thing with my back.
This is great.
Look at this table.
- The china, these chairs, that's solid.
- You like that? We gotta get some with the wings on them.
Go to Ethan Allen.
Come on, sit down, Larry.
Everybody, just dig right in.
There's no reason to wait or anything.
We'll take the courses as they come along.
- Dig in, you heard the man! - Have yourself a good time, all right? I think Larry will agree with me on this.
We don't stand on tradition in this house.
However, there is one tradition that I particularly enjoy, and please join me.
"In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Amen.
"Bless us, Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are to receive "from thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord.
Amen.
"In the name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Amen.
" Let's break bread.
- May I start with my salad now? - Sure.
He said it's okay to start the salad, everybody.
One more thing, all right? - Here's to friends.
- Here's to friends! That was a good show, Friends.
Did you have anything to do with that one? - No, hell of a show.
- That's in reruns now, too, isn't it? Is it? I can't believe they get paid every time it comes on.
So you're moving to Covina? Actually we're moving to Downey.
I'm in Covina right now.
- Have you been down to Downey much? - No.
They are doing a lot down there.
- We got a sweetheart of a deal from the city.
- Really? I've got a lot that is almost like a trapezoid and it butts up against a railroad track.
- Is that so? - That actually brings my taxes down.
Oh, boy! When's the next meeting of the Young Republicans' Club? You have one planned for next month? No, but we can certainly get the group together Yeah, I'd really like to.
- Would you? - Yeah.
- Did you have a good time? - Let me tell you something.
The next time you do one of these things, I want some Jews in the house.
- Okay, I'll make a note of that.
- I want some Cohens, some Bernsteins some Goldsteins, a Schwartz, okay? Anything in that area, that family, okay? What about the guy who took my seat? What was that about? Yeah, why didn't you say something? He pushed me away because you said, "Sit anywhere you want.
" Why didn't you just say, "Except that chair, that's my chair"? First of all, because he's fixing Jeff's car.
I didn't want to start up with him.
- That's nice.
- I know, and then he said grace.
- Come on.
Grace? - It was charming.
- How do you do that, again? - "The Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
" What are you touching here? Your belly button? Some people go farther down, but most go to the chest.
You go to the chest.
"The Father, Son, Holy Spirit.
Amen.
" - So you really didn't have a good time? - No, I really didn't.
And guess what? - What? - Somebody lost a little bet tonight.
Somebody owes somebody Yeah, that's right.
You better start thinking about it.
Good morning.
- I have a small request.
- What's that? Can we please go back to Colgate? Why? I just don't like There's no taste to that Indian thing.
That's fine.
What, is there a message on this thing? Really? I didn't hear the phone ring.
Saturday, 7:32 a.
m.
Larry, Mike Duffy.
The Aamco guy.
Sorry for calling so early.
I'm feeling weird about something that happened last night.
I wanna talk to you about it.
I'll be in my office, say, around 12.
.
30.
You got my number.
Call me.
I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks.
- "Feeling weird about something"? - Yeah, what's that? What kind of message is that to leave at 7:30 in the morning? I don't know.
Maybe he's very upset about- He should've said what it was.
Now I have to think about this all day? I hate messages like that.
Either just say, "Call me back," or tell me why you're feeling weird.
What could I have done to make him feel weird? I can't think of anything.
Unless he's feeling weird that he took my seat.
That's possible.
Although last night, he didn't seem to mind at all.
Wait a second.
You know what it could be, too? Last night, I was talking to Allison about our house in Martha's Vineyard and I told her that you don't like people to stay in the guesthouse.
And I look over, and I see Maggie Seemed like she overheard something, and she had a weird look on her face.
Why would she care? Because Maggie and Mike are going to Martha's Vineyard.
I see.
So now they think that we don't want them staying at our guesthouse.
Indirectly, I was trying to give her the message.
We don't want them staying at our guesthouse.
But now they think I don't want them staying in the guesthouse.
If it's between him fixing Jeff's car or him staying in our guesthouse, Jeff's out of luck.
That's fine with me.
I think I'll get one of those apple turnovers from last night.
That sounds good.
- Where are the apple turnovers? - They're in the refrigerator? No, I don't think so.
- You don't see them in there? - They're not in here.
- Okay, I know how you look for things.
- They're not there.
Where's all the food from last night? Where are the leftovers? I don't know.
Did you tell the caterer to take things home? - You didn't? - I did not.
- What do you make of that? - I don't know.
- She took the leftovers? - She would just take them? Do you think she would take it upon herself to- You know what? I seem to remember her walking out with a platter, to the car.
Did you say something? You didn't say anything to her? I don't expect her to steal our food.
- This is stealing.
- I know it is.
I mean, this is ridiculous.
She didn't even ask anybody? I'm calling This is very unprofessional, if you ask me.
It's completely unprofessional.
I know, because my whole career's been based on being unprofessional.
You should never listen to Jeff for anything.
I don't know why I have to keep telling you that.
Hi, may I speak to- I can't believe this woman stole our leftovers! Hi, Debbie, it's Cheryl David from last night.
Larry and I were just wondering where the leftover food is.
You did? Why did you think you could take the food home with you? Did anybody tell you you could do that? Nobody told you you couldn't, great.
We will cancel the check if we don't get the food back.
Yeah, so Larry's gonna come over and pick it up.
He'll be over in a little while.
Thanks.
Unbelievable.
- What nerve.
- I gotta go and pick up the leftovers? I'm really not sure that everything survived the trip here, so Survived the trip here? Where did you come from, the Sudan? What are you talking about? Where's the chicken? - There really isn't any chicken left.
- There's no chicken left? Not really.
What did you do with all the chicken? You threw it out? There was, maybe There was three pieces of chicken.
Three pieces of chicken? - Where'd that come from? - Sorry about that, there you go.
Where's the rest of it? I gave it away to a homeless shelter.
- You gave it to a homeless shelter? - Yes, I did.
- And where is this homeless shelter? - The Scott Mission on Fourth.
So they eat this gourmet food? Catered food? Sorry to interrupt, but I dropped the food off at Jeff's.
Thank you, Carmel.
Did you wanna check on the buns out back? You dropped the food off at Jeff Greene's? Thanks, Carmel.
Does he have the apple turnovers, or do you have them? - I don't know about the apple turnovers.
- You don't? That's a mystery to you? I don't know what happened.
Maybe people finished them off last night.
That's your theory for everything, isn't it? Why don't you go buy yourself - I did buy them! - I'll spring for them.
I bought them last night and somebody took them! Enjoying the chicken? - I was gonna bring this by your house.
- What? Bring it by your house.
I thought you wouldn't mind me having some.
Did you know that she stole my leftovers? - Yes, I did.
- You did? You knew that? - I just found that out.
- I see you got my apple turnovers.
They're delicious, by the way.
I wanted to have one this morning, but they weren't in my house.
Man, oh, man! - Don't suggest any more people for me.
- She's a good cook.
- Yeah, she is a good cook.
- Apple turnovers.
What a racket you've got going.
What do you get? Ten percent of my salary, ten percent of my food? Stop it.
I got your message.
- Aamco guy? What are the odds? - These are so good.
What are the odds of an Aamco guy? - There might be a problem with that.
- What'd you do? At the party, my wife told somebody that I didn't want anybody staying at our house I don't think it's gonna be good.
Meanwhile, he hasn't said anything about last night.
So, at least he's working on it.
Yeah, I know, that's so cool.
I got some good news and some bad news for you.
The bad news is, you did some damage to the transmission.
The good news is, my rash cleared up.
- No, seriously, I can fix it.
- Yes, good! I'm one of the few guys in town that can do this.
- Good man.
- Thank you.
I specialize in the early model Powerglide transmissions.
- That's great.
- I'll give you the best deal I can.
You handle the parts, I'll handle the labor.
I'll take care of the labor.
For what you did for me? That was a wonderful dinner.
I'm gonna pay for the labor.
Listen, Larry, can I speak to you just for a second in the back room? Something, kind of a personal nature.
If you don't mind? Sure.
Apologize if you have to.
Just say you're sorry.
Why don't you have a seat? Sorry about the mess.
It's our busy season.
You should see my office.
I wanna thank you for that wonderful dinner you gave us last night.
- Mike, it was my pleasure.
- It was a great time- - Wasn't it great? - The food was terrific.
- Your friends, I enjoyed their company.
- They're very nice people.
Sorry we didn't get a chance to play that running charade.
- That's okay, next time we'll do that.
- I hope so.
The reason I'm feeling bad is that Maggie mentioned something to me- You know what? My wife never should have said that I didn't want people to stay in the house in Martha's Vineyard this summer.
Actually, I was gonna apologize for sitting in your chair.
That's what I wanted to talk about.
You should've sat at the head of the table.
I don't care that you sat there.
- No, it's your house.
- I like sitting over there.
- But, Martha's Vineyard- - Do you think I care about that? Let's get back to Martha's Vineyard for a second.
Maggie and I are gonna go there, but we're not gonna barge in and invade your privacy.
We've been going to Martha's Vineyard for years.
I've been going there since I was a kid.
We'll go this summer, we'll go clamming together.
We won't do any clamming in Martha's Vineyard.
I have friends there, we don't have to impose upon you.
I didn't suggest that you would.
- I think you did suggest it.
- You're misunderstanding this whole thing.
You really are.
Like I said before, it's our busy season, and I got some things to take care of.
- Excuse me, I have to make a phone call.
- Mike, can I just- I think we're done here.
You got any spare change, man? Let me ask you something.
Ever eat over at that mission on Fourth Street? Do they ever serve anything like chicken I'orange or tuna tapenade? The only thing they serve is soup, and sometimes peanut butter.
Soup and peanut butter.
- You want this? - What is it? Chicken I'orange, seafood salad, souffle.
- Sure, I'll take it.
- You got it.
- Thank you.
- Enjoy.
- That restaurant was good.
- Wasn't that a great meal? - I loved it.
- Nothing like a good piece of fish.
Yeah, they have good seafood.
Well somebody lost a bet.