Double Parked (2023) s01e07 Episode Script

1
- This is so much harder
- than I thought it would be.
- We don't need to be doing this.
- We could be lying down.
Instagram said that the water was
gonna be helpful for the baby.
It was making it
much, much harder.
- Hello!
- Hi.
Old ladies keep giving me
the evils, man.
Do you think this lane's for ladies
aged 80 years and over or something?
Makes me wanna just piss
in the pool and get right out.
- That's enough aquanatal for us. Abandon.
- Let's get out; let's get out.
OK.
Steph, let's go!
I am coming. God!
You'd think the fact that Nat is
very pregnant would remind her
that I am also very pregnant and can't
just leave the house at the drop of a hat.
She forgot to pack my lactation
cookies. Classic.
- Hey, anything you need, we can just drop it off to you.
- Ah, no, you can't,
- because I don't know where I will be. It's a surprise.
- Well, brace yourself.
- So, no getting up to any mischief while we're gone.
- No chance of that happening.
What?
Oh, like, with Lily and I -
Getting into trouble together.
Yeah. I mean, all we're gonna do is just,
you know, throw a little party in your bedroom,
200 people, you know,
and go through your stuff.
- You better go.
- You're kidding, though, about the party, eh?
I mean, you know, actually, throw
a party. Throw it! Throw a party.
But maybe just, like,
get a cleaner afterwards.
- I mean, I am still fun, though. I promise.
- OK, bye!
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Do you wanna make out?
- Yeah.
I cannot work out
where you're taking me.
Oh my God. Planning a surprise for a super
planner is no easy feat. I've had to set up decoys.
Well, is it gonna be much longer? Because
if so, I may need to stop for the bathroom.
Put this on.
- Oh no.
- Oh, come on, put it on. It's part of it.
- I'm not going to. No, no.
- Come on!
Babe, I have watched way too many true crime
podcasts to feel comfortable wearing a blindfold
- while you drive me to a secret location.
- Oh my God.
I don't have the energy to shower, let alone to
murder you and dispose of your body. Come on.
OK. OK.
However, if you ask me to put
any kind of lotion on my skin,
then I'm taking this off,
and I'm walking home.
Never have I ever bought
contents insurance.
Oh my God. This game is so boring
when you're in your 30s, isn't it? Hard.
OK, OK.
OK. Johnny
we need to mix this up.
The next 12 hours for us
are critical, you know?
You know, I just feel like you and me -
We need to have, like, a committed blow-out
before these babies arrive and everyone
starts getting all responsible, you know?
It's like we need to drink more!
- All right, and where are we drawing the line?
- Um, I don't know.
I wanna break the law.
I wanna break the law. Yeah.
And I wanna
Ooh, I wanna jaywalk with you.
- I wanna maybe try some arson.
- Ooh. Oh, wow. Jesus, OK.
- I wanna vandalise. - You wanna vandalise?
- I wanna vandalise you.
Yes. Yes.
- Yes, yes, yes?
- Yeah, go for it.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, and this.
- Yep- Oh! Yeah, wow.
- Oh!
- What about?
- Oh, not that. No. That's precious.
- Yeah. No, no, not that one.
- That's my favourite. I'm sorry.
- What about, um?
- No, no, Lily. Lily!
No, no, no. Oh, sh!
Yeah.
And I just feel like we're wearing
way too many clothes, right,
to be childless,
irresponsible adults, you know?
And, like, we should
just take it all off.
- Just get everything off, you know?
- Take that.
- Just God, these are tight.
- Yeah, sorry.
- It's OK. Just one and off.
- Yeah, three, two, one.
- Go.
- Yeah.
Oh yeah.
- Oh, have we?
- Yeah.
- Have we stopped? We're there?
- Hold on, hold on.
- Just follow the sound of my voice.
- OK. - OK.
- Just come out here.
- OK.
- All right, now, just- just-
- Just wait there one sec.
- And no peeking, OK?
- OK.
Doesn't sound particularly remote.
Babe? Sorry, I don't wanna ruin this
moment, but I do still need to pee.
'Shit.' Uh
- Is everything all right?
- Back entrance. Shit.
Um, just a little, slight,
uh, variation to the plan.
So just
- if you just wanna take my- take my hand?
- Yeah.
- And we'll just go for a little walk.
- Oh, OK.
You can take your blindfold off
in three, two, one!
Ta-da!
- Are we at Eden Park?
- Surprise!
- Like- Like the stadium?
- Yeah. You wanted a glamping experience.
It was close to the city, so
And we are at a stadium.
Yeah. They have VIP glamping
experiences here.
- Oh, like- like, in there? Like, in the stadium?
- In New Zealand's premier stadium.
Huh! Wow!
- You hate it, don't you?
- Oh, no, no.
- I think I'm just a bit- I'm just surprised.
- Yeah, that's what you wanted.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think- I think I said I
wanted a surprising, relaxing trip away somewhere.
- Yeah, this is a surprise. So
- This is a stadium.
Yeah, this
this is
Yeah. What's more surprising
than a stadium?
You know what? Let's just go inside, and
then it will all make sense. You'll- You'll get it.
You'll get it.
Oh!
Oh my God.
- See? We're not sleeping on a field.
- No, we are not. We're sleeping in a corporate box.
Yeah. Look, normally you have
to hoard wealth and not pay taxes
- to even get a room like this. - Is there a bathroom in here?
- Um, no, but there is a whiteboard.
- You love those. And a selection of sparkling waters.
- I'm really busting,
- so I'm gonna go find one.
- Ooh! Lovely sparkling
This is so cool.
This is pretty cool.
Aww, Eden Park staff,
you shouldn't have.
'Dear Steph and Nathan.'
Oh. 'Happy babymoon.'
So close.
Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Oh God. Oh God!
Oh God!
Oh.
Mm.
That was good. You want some?
Hm?
Baby, where are you?
I wanna do a cheers.
I pissed myself.
- You what?
- Yeah, on the way to the toilet.
I didn't make it in time, and
I pissed myself like a child.
- I'm- I'm sorry.
- Are you laughing?
That's kind of objectively funny. I
mean, I feel like this happens, right?
Like, this is a thing that happens.
Or at least that's what people say.
- Um, how much piss are we talking?
- Nat, I don't know how else I can tell you this.
- Like, I am a 3-year-old. I did a huge pee pee on the floor.
- Sorry. That was fun
- That was a joke. Are you laughing?
- I need a change of pants.
OK. OK. Yeah, I'm on it.
I'm on it.
Right, OK.
Banana.
Um
No.
I can sort it.
Steph!
- Nat?
- Steph?
- Can you see my hands?
- There's a lot of toilets. Oh. Yes.
- Did you bring me some pants?
- I sure did.
What are these?
Um, they are
You're gonna love this - limited
edition Eden Park trackpants, babe.
The shop was open. They did a
limited run apparently of those.
They got them for the opening of
the south wing. I got you an XL.
Although they should really have, like, a
maternity line in this day and age, you know,
cos pregnant woman watch sports.
Those actually look really good.
- You look hot!
- Please don't. - Oh.
You forgot to bring a change
of clothes for me, didn't you?
I didn't factor in one of us pissing
ourselves, so, yeah, I did not bring pants.
- Great
- Oh, come on, babe.
I want to permanently
delete this from my memory.
Ooh, damn!
They are sodden.
- Oh my God. Oh my God.
- So do you think we go to MOTAT?
- There are people in our box.
- Why are there people in our box?
- Hi, guys. - Oh, hi.
- Hello!
- Hello. - Hello, lovebirds.
- Oh, thank you.
Yes. Can we help you
guys with anything?
Fellow glampers?
Yes. Actually, I think there's
been a bit of a mix-up.
- You see, we're in this room. Those are our bags that are on the bed.
- Oh my God. We must be next door.
- I did think it's a little weird that there's bags already in here.
- Yeah. Yeah, that's OK.
Door was open, and we already
helped ourselves. We're so sorry.
No, listen, we can't drink that stuff
anyway. It's an easy mistake to make.
- They all kind of look the same.
- Oh, how unreal is this? - Wow!
- Oh! Honestly, we can't find the words, can we?
- Yeah. Just speechless.
Nice pants.
- Oh, yeah. Thank you.
- I'm a big fan of the park- stadium.
We should have dinner all together
tonight and just share the experience.
- Um, you know what? We will probably be asleep.
- Yeah.
- We sleep a lot.
- Very tired and pregnant.
- What?
- Oh, wow!
- Congratulations.
- Oh- Oh, thank you.
My sister and her wife were both
pregnant together last year.
Really? There was another lesbian
pregnant couple? I had no idea.
- They're now consciously uncoupled, which is super awesome.
- Oh, wow. OK.
Well, only fair now that you
come over to our box later.
- Yeah, we'll just maybe see how we go.
- Yeah, probably.
- Climb over?
- Yeah.
- OK. - Oh, pole is a bit high.
- Parkour.
- Eden Parkour.
- Pretty good.
- Oh! This is our box in here.
- Oh, here we go.
- Awesome, Eva. This makes way more sense.
- Yeah.
They seem nice.
Babe.
What's going on? You seem miffed.
Oh, do I? Yeah, no, I'm just really enjoying
looking out at the view of the rugby pitch.
- The field.
- Yeah, the field. The rugby field.
I'm sorry this luxury box at New Zealand's
premier stadium is not up to your standards.
Nat, I don't like sports.
Like, I have zero interest in sports,
so I'm just trying to figure out
how we are having our babymoon
in the home of sports.
Well, what did you want?
- You asked me to surprise you.
- Uh, native birds, wild flowers,
- a babbling brook would've been really nice and relaxing.
- Oh God!
I'm sorry that I couldn't get into your
head and understand the folkloric, whimsical,
- wonderful fantasies that you've obviously been
- The thing is, Nat
- brewing up inside for this magical babymoon!
- You don't have to get into my head
and, like, read my mind. Because we talked about
this. Like, we literally talked about it several times.
But, yet again, you just do away with the
plan and do whatever the hell you wanna do.
OK, well, maybe next time I won't
try. Is that what you wanna do?
- Do you wanna just organise everything?
- Uh, yeah, actually.
Now you mentioned it, it might be better because
then we wouldn't find ourselves in a corporate box
next to a weird Swedish couple who very
clearly want to have a foursome with us.
Ding-dong!
Hi, ladies.
Oh, shit.
Oh, is now a good time?
Well, I'm Bianca. I'm taking you
on the stadium rooftop tour.
Shit, youse are both pregnant.
Two pregnancies, one corporate box.
What are the odds?
So is the roof, like, totally
out of the question or?
Well, it's not against company
guidelines, just a personal preference.
I don't want you two going
up there - your babies falling out.
Well, we are
We're just really grateful to be on this
bespoke tour of the stadium, so this is awesome.
You know what? I'll take you to a side
of the stadium that no one has access to,
- not even our most illustrious guests.
- Wow.
- Oh.
- Come on! You two lovebirds.
- What do you guys think?
- Wow. - Wow!
Our nation's finest rugby
players come here to go toilet,
have a shower and a cry after
devastating losses.
- Goosebumps.
- Yeah. Thank you, Bianca, for this incredible tour.
We've loved it, but I think it's probably
time for us to head back to the box and
Hang on. Hang on. I've got
a surprise for you two.
- Ooh.
- Ta-da!
The Eden Park changing rooms'
lost and found.
- Oh, yeah. - Ohh.
- Yeah, man!
There's some cool stuff in here,
and if you dig deep enough,
you may find a jockstrap
from a certain number 10.
- Huh!
- Put something on. I can take some crack-up photos of you guys.
- Oh, I don't have my phone. Do you have your phone?
- Oh. No. I think it's probably not,
- like, our vibe. - Why don't you run up and get it?
- Oh yeah, OK, fine.
- I'll go get my phone.
- Thank you so much, but no. Nat, we don't need- Nat, Nat.
- No, we're gonna take a fuckin' photo.
- Don't go and get your phone!
Oh, there she is.
- Could you give us a second?
- Oh. Everything OK? - Yeah, yeah, it's fine.
- We just want a bit of time to really soak up the stadium.
- I got it.
- You got him to sign it?
- Yeah, I did.
And I bought it here tonight so
that we could talk about it.
- What does it matter what I think? You already forced him to sign it.
- I didn't force him to sign it.
- I didn't force him. He was happy to sign it.
- OK, well, this is absolutely
- something that we needed to talk about beforehand.
- Yeah, I totally agree, Nat.
And I tried to bring it up multiple times,
but every single time, you shut me down.
Johnny has already
given consent for IVF.
- This is exactly the same.
- No, it's not the same. You've gone behind my back.
There's actually no point in us even
having this conversation until you have read it.
Because when you do, you will see that all
this is is about protecting Johnny and our children
- should anything happen.
- Steph, this is not about that. This is about you
- and your irrational fear that I'm gonna run off with Johnny
- Oh my God. OK.
- And run off and have your babies with him!
- OK! Once again, if you read it
It'll take you 10 minutes, Nat! If you read it,
you will see it has got nothing to do with that
- No! No!
- And all about protecting our children.
Just admit it, OK? You have
been weird about everything
- ever since we found out that I was pregnant.
- Fuckin' hell.
- Do you really think that I'm capable of leaving you for Johnny?
- No, I don't!
- Well then, why did you get him to sign it?
- Because it's important!
- It's important that we do.
- No, because you don't trust me. - It's not about that.
- You're just making it so much worse-
- Just say it, Steph. Just fucking say it!
- Just read it! - Just say it!
- I don't trust you!
Fine!
There you go.
I don't trust you, Nat,
because I can't. Like,
I really wish that I could.
I really want to trust you, but
I can't.
Because you always make things
so hard, like this situation.
It doesn't need to be hard.
You are so impulsive,
and you are so reckless,
and you just do whatever the hell
you wanna do all the time.
And I am just expected to, like, fall in line and
then pick up the pieces when everything falls apart.
Like, I am just waiting for you
to show me any sort of sign
that you are remotely aware of the immense responsibility
that we are about to step into, but you don't!
I can't believe that you are
still blaming me for this, OK?
I just wanted to start a family with
you, Steph. That's all I've ever wanted.
- But all of this has just been about you, about you getting pregnant.
- That's so unfair.
You have been the centre
of this for me always.
For you!
Can't you hear yourself?
- We are gonna be parents.
- We are going to have children.
They need us. They rely on us. It
can't just be stupid jokes all the time.
- You love my jokes.
- I hate your jokes.
I hate them.
- They scare me.
- They scare you?
Yeah, they terrify me because everything has
changed, but you haven't. You haven't changed a bit.
- I can't change.
- I can't change who I am.
Yeah, I think I
get that now.
And so I don't know
what to do because I can't
do this
with you.
I love you, Steph.
- It's not enough.
- It's just not enough.
Oh.
Nathan.
Sorry.
Oh, fuck.
Isn't it strange,
impossible to claim your reward.
I cannot explain
emotions I can barely afford
to contain.
You're the same.
No words only scream
could possibly protect you.
You know what it means.
Two is the charm,
a place therein around us
and pray and pray.
There is no blame; there
is no shame, and even more
Nobody gets what they want
any more.
Ohh!
Oh!
Oh f
Ohh!
Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba.
Ba-aa-aa.
Ba-ba-ba, ba.
Again, again.
Nobody gets what they want
any more. ♪
Copyright Able 2023