Doug (1991) s01e07 Episode Script
Doug's Cool Shoes/Doug to the Rescue
[ yelps]
[ barks]
[ electric guitar playing]
[ man singing scat]
[ barks]
COOL! WHOA!
[ thwack]
[ barks]
Doug:
THERE I WAS STANDING
ON THE FOUL LINE.
WE NEEDED ONE POINT.
PORKCHOP WAS ROOTING.
[ barks]
[ hissing]
YOU CAN DO IT, DOUG.
NO, HE CAN'T, PATTI.
HE'S A CAPITAL "L" LOSER.
RIGHT DOWN TO HIS LAME-O SHOES.
HMM, HEY, MAN
BECAUSE HE WEARS PLAIN SNEAKERS
DOESN'T MEAN HE'S A
All:
LOSER DUFUS KLUTZ?
DON'T LISTEN TO THEM, DOUG.
THEY'RE JUST TRYING
TO MAKE YOU
MISS.
BOY, WAS I EMBARRASSED.
AND THAT WAS ONLY THE BEGINNING.
I NEVER KNEW SHOES COULD GIVE
YOU SUCH A HEADACHE.
[ footsteps]
[ hinge creaks]
[ barks]
DOUG
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
[ barks]
[ yelps]
Girl:
DON'T YOU THINK
SKUNKY BEAUMON
IS THE ABSOLUTE
CUTEST?
I LIKE HIS SMILE
BUT HAVE YOU EVER
SEEN HIS SHOES?
THE WORST, THE
PITS, LOSERVILLE.
POOR SKUNKY.
SOMEONE SHOULD
CLUE HIM IN.
TELL HIM HE'S GO
TO GET COOL SHOES.
SINCE WHEN DID SHOES GET
TO BE SUCH A BIG DEAL?
WOW!
YOUR SHOES ARE
COOL, SKEETER.
THANKS, THEY'RE
REVERSIBLE SNEAKER BOOTS.
HERE, LET ME
SHOW YOU THE DEAL.
[ humming]
I THINK IT'S SO COOL
WHEN A GUY KNOWS
WHAT SHOES TO WEAR.
WELL, SEE YOU.
SEE YOU.
YO, DOUG, DID YOU SEE THAT?
YO, DOUG, WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M IN HERE.
HEY, MAN, YOU'VE GO
GREAT SCRUNCHABILITY.
HI, WHERE'S DOUG?
Doug:
NOT HERE.
I THOUGHT I HEARD
DOUG'S VOICE.
Skeeter:
WELL
OH, HI, PATTI.
OH, THERE YOU ARE.
WANT TO SHOOT SOME HOOPS
AFTER SCHOOL?
WELL, GEE, NO, I CAN'T.
I HAVE THE WRONG
LISTEN, PATTI,
LET ME CATCH YOU
NEXT TIME AROUND.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.
ARE YOU GUYS REALLY THAT BAD?
Roger:
LOOK AT THOSE SHOES.
[ hysterical laughter]
Kids:
LOSER, LOSER.
Boy:
THEY'RE CRUMMY SHOES.
[ laughing]
MAYBE I DO NEED NEW SHOES.
[ barking]
Mr. Dink:
SORRY, DOUGLAS.
I WAS AIMING
FOR THE TRASH.
[ chortles]
OH, HI, MR. DINK.
SAY, DOUGLAS
NOTICE ANYTHING
DIFFERENT ABOUT ME?
WELL, NOT REALLY.
WHAT'S DIFFERENT?
NEW SHOES?
SWEATHOG-BRAND AEROBIC FOOTWEAR.
RIGHT, PERFEC
FOR SNEAKING SNACKS.
NOT JUST A SHOE
BUT A SUPER-
ENGINEERED
AERODYNAMICALLY
CONTROLLED
AND COMPUTERIZED
WORKOUT SHOE.
Shoe:
Move it, Fatso.
Move it, Fatso.
Move it, Fatso.
HEY, WAIT FOR ME.
EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A HUSBAND
AND A SHOE TO CATCH.
[ funky music]
If the shoe fits, flaunt it.
All my men wear shoes
or they wear nothing at all.
[ gasps]
Are your shoes giving you
a bad fungus?
EVERYBODY WAS
TALKING ABOUT SHOES.
Hi, I'm Sky Davis.
I wear Air Jets.
YEAH, IF ONLY I HAD A PAIR
OF SKY DAVIS AIR JETS.
HE DRIBBLES
HE SHOOTS
HE SCORES.
[ crowd cheering]
OH, DOUG
YOU'RE THE COOLES
THING ON TWO FEE
NOW THAT YOU WEAR AIR JETS.
Davis:
Buy Air Jets, on sale now
at Shoes & Shoes Shoe Store.
Just buy 'em.
Announcer:
Sky Davis will be
at the Four Leaf Clover Mall
to autograph Sky Davis Air Jets.
Be there or be square.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, PORKCHOP?
WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?
JUST THINK,
I'M ONLY MOMENTS AWAY
FROM OWNING THE COOLES
SHOES IN BLUFFINGTON.
COME ON, PORKCHOP,
IT'S SHOE TIME.
UM, EXCUSE ME.
CAN I JUST?
HOW ABOUT
HOT SOUP.
COMING THROUGH.
HELLO, AND WELCOME
TO SHOES & SHOES.
MAY WE HELP YOU
WITH YOUR SHOE NEEDS?
UM, WELL, YES.
I WANT AIR JETS.
WELL
WE'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
OKAY, LET'S
GET STARTED.
FIRST WE HAVE TO REMOVE
THESE FROM OUR FEET.
WE'LL JUST HIDE THEM IN HERE.
OUT OF SIGH
OUT OF MIND.
THERE, WE MUST FEEL
BETTER ALREADY.
[ laughing]
HEY, THAT TICKLES.
OOH, SIZE 6B.
THAT'S AN EXCELLENT SHOE SIZE,
I MUST SAY.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
PORKCHOP, I'LL MISS
MY OLD SNEAKERS.
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH
A LOT TOGETHER--
MUD PUDDLES, KICK BALL--
I HATE TO SAY GOOD-BYE.
IT'S NOT THAT THEY'RE NOT GREA
IT'S JUST THAT I CAN'T BE SEEN
WITH THEM ANYMORE.
BOY, IF SHOES COULD TALK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
ARE YOU CRAZY?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, GUYS?
HAVEN'T WE BEEN
GOOD TO YOU?
WELL, SURE, I GUESS SO.
DO YOU BELIEVE
THIS, LEFTY?
HE SOLD US OUT FOR
A TRENDY FAD SHOE.
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D LIVE
TO SEE THIS FROM YOU, DOUG.
[ weeping]
WELL, SORRY, GUYS.
I GUESS I JUST NEED
A MORE SOPHISTICATED SHOE.
AREN'T WE LUCKY?
OUR LAST PAIR OF AIR JETS.
RED SHOES, BLUE SHOES
GOT TO GET COOL SHOES.
THEY FEEL A LITTLE, UH, BIG.
SIZE 24, TRIPLE E?
NO PROBLEM, THEY RUN SMALL.
ALL WE NEED ARE A COUPLE OF
DOZEN PAIRS OF THICK SOCKS.
I DON'T KNOW.
THERE NOW--
DON'T WE LOOK COOL?
GET UP.
SEE HOW GREAT WE FEEL.
WALK AROUND.
EXPERIENCE THE FANTASY.
WELL, HOW FAR DO I GO
BEFORE I FEEL THE FANTASY?
WELL, THERE,
LITTLE MAN
DON'T WE FEEL
TRANSPLENDENT?
AND TO THINK, THIS
IS OUR LAST PAIR.
WE ARE SO LUCKY.
CAN I WEAR THEM HOME?
SURE WE CAN.
THERE I STOOD-- A NEW MAN
IN A NEW PAIR OF AIR JETS.
THERE YOU GO.
EXCUSE ME, BUT THAT'S
THE PRICE PER SHOE.
YOU DO WANT BOTH
SHOES, DON'T YOU?
THEN I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH.
OFF.
NEXT.
YOU LOSE AGAIN,
FUNNIE.
[ Roger laughing]
THERE I SAT, THE SAME OLD GUY
IN THE DOPEY RED SNEAKERS.
HEY, KID, COOL SHOES.
WOW, AREN'T YOU SKY DAVIS?
CALL ME CHUCK.
OKAY, SKY, UH, CHUCK.
CHUCK, WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING
YOUR SKY DAVIS AIR JETS?
I LIKE MY AIR JETS, BUT I'VE
HAD THESE SNEAKERS FOREVER.
THEY'RE MY OFF-COURT BUDDIES.
I'D NEVER GET RID OF THEM.
WELL, GOT TO RUN.
NICE TALKING TO YOU.
CHUCK, EXCUSE ME,
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
SHOOT, BUDDY.
WOULD YOU AUTOGRAPH MY SHOES?
NO PROBLEM, MAN.
NOW YOU GOT SOME
REAL SKY DAVIS SHOES.
GEE, THANKS.
HEY, HOLD IT.
HUH?
WOULD YOU MIND
AUTOGRAPHING MINE?
AFTER ALL, WE ARE
"SOLE" BROTHERS, GET IT?
RIGHT.
STAY COOL, MAN.
BYE.
COOL, MAN.
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE
ONE-ON-ONE, FUNNIE?
WELL, UH
[ snarling]
I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT YOU CAN DO
IN THESE COOL SHOES.
THE SHOES YOU MISSED OUT ON.
[ chuckling]
[ grunting]
YOU CAN DO IT, DOUG.
YEAH, JUST LIKE LAST TIME.
[ laughing]
GO FOR IT, MAN.
YOU CAN DO IT.
Boy:
ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD, DOUG.
YES-- GREAT SHOT, DOUG.
WE WON THE GAME.
I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT.
THAT DAY I REALIZED
MY SNEAKERS WERE JUST FINE.
I SHOULD REMEMBER--
SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO PUT
YOUR FOOT WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS.
NO.
[ barking]
UH A SHOE IN A HAND
IS WORTH
NO.
I SHOULD WALK A MILE
IN YOUR MOCCA
NEVER KICK A GOOD SHOE
WHEN IT'S DOWN.
YEAH.
[ whimpering]
OH, MAN.
THERE WAS A TIME
WHEN FIGHTING CRIME WAS A CINCH.
SUPERHEROES WITH SUPER STRENGTH
COULD CLOBBER AN EVIL WRONGDOER.
BUT DESPERATE TIMES
CALL FOR A NEW HERO--
A HERO WITH PATIENCE
AND INTELLIGENCE.
KING ME.
A HERO WITH GRACE AND SPEED.
I'M HERE, WHOOP, I'M THERE.
A HERO WITH THE MOST
INCREDIBLE SUPERPOWERS
IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE--
QUAIL MAN.
YES, QUAIL MAN, STRANGE
VISITOR FROM THE PLANET PIE.
HE FLIES, HE THINKS, HE WEARS
HIS UNDERWEAR OVER HIS PANTS.
QUAIL MAN--
HALF MAN, HALF QUAIL, ALL HERO.
[ humming]
[ footsteps]
[ hinge creaks]
[ barks]
DOUG
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
[ barks]
[ yelps]
Doug:
DID YOU EVER HAVE A DAY WHEN
YOU NEEDED TO BE A SUPERHERO--
A DAY WHEN SOMEBODY REALLY,
REALLY NEEDED SAVING?
TODAY WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS.
Ms. Wingo:
CLASS
WE WILL NOW HAVE
A STUDY PERIOD
SO YOU CAN FINISH
YOUR BOOK REPORTS.
PSST. PSST.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
PATTI, I WAS JUST WONDERING
I'M NOT HELPING YOU
WITH THE ASSIGNMENT.
BOOK REPORTS
ARE FOR BRAINY
PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
YOU GOT TO HELP ME.
LEAVE ME
ALONE, ROGER.
I HATED SEEING ANYONE
PESTERING PATTI
ESPECIALLY ROGER.
ROGER.
PATTI.
[ class chuckles]
PSST.
COME ON, PATTI.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
PLEASE, ROGER,
I'M NOT DOING YOUR SCHOOLWORK.
MISS MAYONNAISE, MR. KLOTZ
YOU'RE KNOCKING
ON TROUBLE'S DOOR.
Patti and Roger:
SORRY, MRS. WINGO.
THERE'S GOT TO BE
SOMETHING I CAN DO.
LIKE WHAT?
THAT GOES FOR
YOU TWO AS WELL.
Together:
YES, MRS. WINGO.
NOW, CLASS, I'D LIKE
TO REMIND YOU ALL
THAT THIS BOOK REPOR
WILL EQUAL
ONE-THIRD OF
YOUR ENTIRE GRADE.
ONE-THIRD?
DID YOU HEAR THAT, PATTI?
ONE-THIRD
OF MY GRADE.
I CAN'T FLUNK
THIS CLASS AGAIN.
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR
YOUR REPORT CARD, ROGER.
PLEASE? PLEASE?
PLEASE? PLEASE?
IT LOOKED LIKE PATTI WAS
IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.
I WONDER HOW QUAIL MAN
WOULD HANDLE THIS?
[ screaming]
[ laughing demonically]
YOU'RE A MONSTER,
KLOTZILLA.
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S A TOUGH JOB, BU
SOMEBODY'S GOT TO DO IT.
HELP, QUAIL MAN! HELP!
YES, I'LL SAVE YOU, PATTI.
GIVE ME THE GIRL
AND NOBODY GETS HURT.
OH, YEAH?
[ screaming]
[ laughing]
QUAIL MAN SHOULD CHANGE
HIS NAME TO LAME DUCK MAN.
HURRY, QUAIL MAN.
SAVE ME!
HEY, YOU THINK YOU'RE
GOING TO BE SAVED
BY A SUPERHERO
WITH NO SUPER STRENGTH?
WHAT A WIMP.
HE'S NOT A WIMP, HE'S QUAIL MAN.
UGH, HERE, HAVE A BREATH MINT.
I MAY NOT BE BIG, BUT I AM SMALL
AND I POSSESS
THE POWERS OF THE QUAIL.
HEY, QUAIL MAN, YOU
CAN'T HIDE FROM ME.
OVER HERE, BIG FELLA.
HEY, HOLD STILL
SO I CAN CREAM YOU.
WHAT THE?
I WARNED YOU,
KLOTZILLA.
NOW I MUST UNLEASH
MY SECRET WEAPON.
WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO?
LAY AN EGG ON ME?
[ chuckling]
NO, KLOTZILLA.
IT'S TIME TO UNLEASH
THE POWERS OF THE QUAIL.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
IS THIS A JOKE?
IT'S NO JOKE.
IT'S THE QUAIL EYE.
SOON YOU WILL FEEL
HELPLESS AND STUPEFIED.
OH, I'M FEELING
HELPLESS AND STUPEFIED.
THAT'S MY QUAIL EYE.
KIDS, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
[ grunts]
[ moans]
OH, QUAIL MAN.
YOU'RE THE BRAVES
QUAIL I KNOW
AND I JUST LOVE
YOUR BELT.
WHY, THANK YOU, PATTI.
[ roars]
MY HERO!
FLY AWAY!
COME BACK HERE, QUAIL MAN.
LET'S GO TWO OUT OF THREE, OKAY?
PLEASE, PLEASE, COME BACK.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,
PRETTY PLEASE.
PRETTY PLEASE.
OH, STOP IT!
PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE.
UH-OH.
PATTI MAYONNAISE.
ROGER KLOTZ.
DETENTION HALL.
BUT
NO BUTS YOUNG LADY.
YOU TWO DANCED ON THE WILD SIDE
AND NOW YOU SHALL PAY.
AW, DON'
SWEAT IT.
DETENTION IS
NO BIG DEAL.
SAYONARA, SUCKERS.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
ROGER'S A CREEP.
WHY DON'T YOU
TELL MISS WINGO
IT WASN'T PATTI'S FAULT?
MR. FUNNIE AND MR. VALENTINE,
GRAB YOUR BOOKS.
YOU'RE JOINING
ROGER AND PATTI.
[ gasping]
PINK SLIPS, PLEASE.
HMM, CLASS DISRUPTORS, HUH?
TAKE A SEA
IN THE BACK
AND NO MONKEY BUSINESS.
[ class snickers]
SO, PATTI, ABOU
MY BOOK REPORT.
ROGER, I HAVE NEVER
HAD A DETENTION
IN MY WHOLE,
ENTIRE LIFE.
I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU.
YOU DID IT TO YOURSELF.
YOU COULD HAVE
SAID YES.
LEAVE ME ALONE OR I'M
GOING TO TELL MR. BONE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE ROGER'S
STILL BUGGING PATTI.
WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO?
YEAH, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
I SUGGEST UNLEASHING
THE POWERS OF THE QUAIL--
PATIENCE, INTELLIGENCE
AND SPEED.
IT'S TIME FOR ME TO UNLEASH
THE POWERS OF THE QUAIL.
QUAIL?
DOUG, UH, DOUG.
YO, DOUG, WHAT'S THA
STRANGE LOOK IN YOUR EYE?
STAND BACK, YOUNG MAN,
I'LL HANDLE THIS.
PATTI, I'LL
WRITE A PAGE
AND YOU WRITE A PAGE.
HERE, YOU GO FIRST.
ROGER.
EXCUSE ME,
I THINK IT'S TIME
TO LEAVE MISS
MAYONNAISE ALONE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE, FUNNIE?
OOH, OW.
OW, MY NOSE.
HEY, FUNNIE,
WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?
WELL, I, I
DOUG SLAMMED ROGER
IN THE NOSE.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO NOW, ROGER?
OOH, UH, WELL
All:
SHOWDOWN, SHOWDOWN, SHOWDOWN.
[ ringing]
ALL RIGHT, YOU CLOWNS,
DETENTION'S OVER.
EVERYBODY OUTSIDE.
Boy:
WHOA, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THIS.
YEAH, LISTEN,
FUNNIE
IT LOOKS LIKE I'LL
HAVE TO CREAM YOU.
DOUG, THIS WILL
BE A GOOD TIME
TO DO SOMETHING
EXTREME LIKE RUN.
THIS LOOKS LIKE
A JOB FOR QUAIL MAN.
HUH?
All:
SHOWDOWN! SHOWDOWN!
CLEAN HIS CLOCK,
ROGER.
Boy:
SHOW HIM WHO'S BOSS.
YEAH, YEAH, I HEAR YOU.
I JUST GOT TO GE
INTO THE MOOD.
COME ON, ROGER,
YOU KNOW IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
SORRY, PATTI, BU
I'VE GOT A REPUTATION
TO MAINTAIN.
REMAIN CALM.
IT'S TIME TO UNLEASH
THE POWERS OF THE QUAIL--
PATIENCE,
INTELLIGENCE, SPEED.
PATIENCE, INTELLIGENCE, SPEED.
HEY, FUNNIE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PSST, ARE YOU
OKAY, DOUG?
COME ON, FUNNIE,
LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
FUNNIE?
OVER HERE, NOW YOU SEE ME,
NOW YOU DON'T-- AHA!
UP HERE.
AND NOW,
THE QUAIL EYE.
KNOCK OFF
THE WIERD STUFF.
FIGHT ME.
I AM FIGHTING
YOU, ROGER.
EITHER DOUG'S
REALLY SMAR
OR HE JUST BLEW
A SERIOUS GASKET.
HE'S PSYCHING
ROGER OUT.
[ nervous laughing]
I SURRENDER, QUAIL MAN.
I'M HELPLESS
AND STUPEFIED.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT?
Mr. Bone:
ALL RIGHT.
BREAK IT UP,
BREAK IT UP.
WELL, I GUESS
YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.
EXCUSE ME, MR. BONE,
I BETTER BE GOING.
I HAVE TO GET STARTED
ON THAT BOOK REPORT.
SEE YOU.
JUST WATCH
IT, MISTER.
I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU.
THAT WAS GREAT, DOUG.
YOU WON A FIGH
WITHOUT LIFTING A FINGER.
I'M GLAD
YOU'RE NOT CRAZY.
NICE FIGHT,
YOU DIDN'T SWEAT.
WHERE'D YOU LEARN THOSE MOVES?
OH, LET'S JUST SAY
A LITTLE BIRD TOLD ME.
WHAT AN AFTERNOON.
I FLEXED MY MUSCLES AND POUNDED
ROGER TO HAMBURGER MEAT.
OKAY, SO I DIDN'T HIT HIM
BUT I DID PSYCH HIM OUT
AND HE DID STOP BUGGING PATTI
PROVING THAT BRAINS
ARE BETTER THAN
GETTING POUNDED.
HMM, I GUESS THERE'S
A LITTLE SUPERHERO IN US ALL.
[ chirps]
PATIENCE, INTELLIGENCE, SPEED--
THE POWERS OF THE QUAIL.
RED SHOES, BLUE SHOES,
EVERBODY'S GOT SHOES ♪
RED SHOES, BLUE SHOES,
GOT TO GET COOL SHOES. ♪
[ barks]
[ electric guitar playing]
[ man singing scat]
[ barks]
COOL! WHOA!
[ thwack]
[ barks]
Doug:
THERE I WAS STANDING
ON THE FOUL LINE.
WE NEEDED ONE POINT.
PORKCHOP WAS ROOTING.
[ barks]
[ hissing]
YOU CAN DO IT, DOUG.
NO, HE CAN'T, PATTI.
HE'S A CAPITAL "L" LOSER.
RIGHT DOWN TO HIS LAME-O SHOES.
HMM, HEY, MAN
BECAUSE HE WEARS PLAIN SNEAKERS
DOESN'T MEAN HE'S A
All:
LOSER DUFUS KLUTZ?
DON'T LISTEN TO THEM, DOUG.
THEY'RE JUST TRYING
TO MAKE YOU
MISS.
BOY, WAS I EMBARRASSED.
AND THAT WAS ONLY THE BEGINNING.
I NEVER KNEW SHOES COULD GIVE
YOU SUCH A HEADACHE.
[ footsteps]
[ hinge creaks]
[ barks]
DOUG
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
[ barks]
[ yelps]
Girl:
DON'T YOU THINK
SKUNKY BEAUMON
IS THE ABSOLUTE
CUTEST?
I LIKE HIS SMILE
BUT HAVE YOU EVER
SEEN HIS SHOES?
THE WORST, THE
PITS, LOSERVILLE.
POOR SKUNKY.
SOMEONE SHOULD
CLUE HIM IN.
TELL HIM HE'S GO
TO GET COOL SHOES.
SINCE WHEN DID SHOES GET
TO BE SUCH A BIG DEAL?
WOW!
YOUR SHOES ARE
COOL, SKEETER.
THANKS, THEY'RE
REVERSIBLE SNEAKER BOOTS.
HERE, LET ME
SHOW YOU THE DEAL.
[ humming]
I THINK IT'S SO COOL
WHEN A GUY KNOWS
WHAT SHOES TO WEAR.
WELL, SEE YOU.
SEE YOU.
YO, DOUG, DID YOU SEE THAT?
YO, DOUG, WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M IN HERE.
HEY, MAN, YOU'VE GO
GREAT SCRUNCHABILITY.
HI, WHERE'S DOUG?
Doug:
NOT HERE.
I THOUGHT I HEARD
DOUG'S VOICE.
Skeeter:
WELL
OH, HI, PATTI.
OH, THERE YOU ARE.
WANT TO SHOOT SOME HOOPS
AFTER SCHOOL?
WELL, GEE, NO, I CAN'T.
I HAVE THE WRONG
LISTEN, PATTI,
LET ME CATCH YOU
NEXT TIME AROUND.
OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.
ARE YOU GUYS REALLY THAT BAD?
Roger:
LOOK AT THOSE SHOES.
[ hysterical laughter]
Kids:
LOSER, LOSER.
Boy:
THEY'RE CRUMMY SHOES.
[ laughing]
MAYBE I DO NEED NEW SHOES.
[ barking]
Mr. Dink:
SORRY, DOUGLAS.
I WAS AIMING
FOR THE TRASH.
[ chortles]
OH, HI, MR. DINK.
SAY, DOUGLAS
NOTICE ANYTHING
DIFFERENT ABOUT ME?
WELL, NOT REALLY.
WHAT'S DIFFERENT?
NEW SHOES?
SWEATHOG-BRAND AEROBIC FOOTWEAR.
RIGHT, PERFEC
FOR SNEAKING SNACKS.
NOT JUST A SHOE
BUT A SUPER-
ENGINEERED
AERODYNAMICALLY
CONTROLLED
AND COMPUTERIZED
WORKOUT SHOE.
Shoe:
Move it, Fatso.
Move it, Fatso.
Move it, Fatso.
HEY, WAIT FOR ME.
EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A HUSBAND
AND A SHOE TO CATCH.
[ funky music]
If the shoe fits, flaunt it.
All my men wear shoes
or they wear nothing at all.
[ gasps]
Are your shoes giving you
a bad fungus?
EVERYBODY WAS
TALKING ABOUT SHOES.
Hi, I'm Sky Davis.
I wear Air Jets.
YEAH, IF ONLY I HAD A PAIR
OF SKY DAVIS AIR JETS.
HE DRIBBLES
HE SHOOTS
HE SCORES.
[ crowd cheering]
OH, DOUG
YOU'RE THE COOLES
THING ON TWO FEE
NOW THAT YOU WEAR AIR JETS.
Davis:
Buy Air Jets, on sale now
at Shoes & Shoes Shoe Store.
Just buy 'em.
Announcer:
Sky Davis will be
at the Four Leaf Clover Mall
to autograph Sky Davis Air Jets.
Be there or be square.
DID YOU HEAR THAT, PORKCHOP?
WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?
JUST THINK,
I'M ONLY MOMENTS AWAY
FROM OWNING THE COOLES
SHOES IN BLUFFINGTON.
COME ON, PORKCHOP,
IT'S SHOE TIME.
UM, EXCUSE ME.
CAN I JUST?
HOW ABOUT
HOT SOUP.
COMING THROUGH.
HELLO, AND WELCOME
TO SHOES & SHOES.
MAY WE HELP YOU
WITH YOUR SHOE NEEDS?
UM, WELL, YES.
I WANT AIR JETS.
WELL
WE'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
OKAY, LET'S
GET STARTED.
FIRST WE HAVE TO REMOVE
THESE FROM OUR FEET.
WE'LL JUST HIDE THEM IN HERE.
OUT OF SIGH
OUT OF MIND.
THERE, WE MUST FEEL
BETTER ALREADY.
[ laughing]
HEY, THAT TICKLES.
OOH, SIZE 6B.
THAT'S AN EXCELLENT SHOE SIZE,
I MUST SAY.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
PORKCHOP, I'LL MISS
MY OLD SNEAKERS.
WE'VE BEEN THROUGH
A LOT TOGETHER--
MUD PUDDLES, KICK BALL--
I HATE TO SAY GOOD-BYE.
IT'S NOT THAT THEY'RE NOT GREA
IT'S JUST THAT I CAN'T BE SEEN
WITH THEM ANYMORE.
BOY, IF SHOES COULD TALK.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
ARE YOU CRAZY?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, GUYS?
HAVEN'T WE BEEN
GOOD TO YOU?
WELL, SURE, I GUESS SO.
DO YOU BELIEVE
THIS, LEFTY?
HE SOLD US OUT FOR
A TRENDY FAD SHOE.
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D LIVE
TO SEE THIS FROM YOU, DOUG.
[ weeping]
WELL, SORRY, GUYS.
I GUESS I JUST NEED
A MORE SOPHISTICATED SHOE.
AREN'T WE LUCKY?
OUR LAST PAIR OF AIR JETS.
RED SHOES, BLUE SHOES
GOT TO GET COOL SHOES.
THEY FEEL A LITTLE, UH, BIG.
SIZE 24, TRIPLE E?
NO PROBLEM, THEY RUN SMALL.
ALL WE NEED ARE A COUPLE OF
DOZEN PAIRS OF THICK SOCKS.
I DON'T KNOW.
THERE NOW--
DON'T WE LOOK COOL?
GET UP.
SEE HOW GREAT WE FEEL.
WALK AROUND.
EXPERIENCE THE FANTASY.
WELL, HOW FAR DO I GO
BEFORE I FEEL THE FANTASY?
WELL, THERE,
LITTLE MAN
DON'T WE FEEL
TRANSPLENDENT?
AND TO THINK, THIS
IS OUR LAST PAIR.
WE ARE SO LUCKY.
CAN I WEAR THEM HOME?
SURE WE CAN.
THERE I STOOD-- A NEW MAN
IN A NEW PAIR OF AIR JETS.
THERE YOU GO.
EXCUSE ME, BUT THAT'S
THE PRICE PER SHOE.
YOU DO WANT BOTH
SHOES, DON'T YOU?
THEN I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH.
OFF.
NEXT.
YOU LOSE AGAIN,
FUNNIE.
[ Roger laughing]
THERE I SAT, THE SAME OLD GUY
IN THE DOPEY RED SNEAKERS.
HEY, KID, COOL SHOES.
WOW, AREN'T YOU SKY DAVIS?
CALL ME CHUCK.
OKAY, SKY, UH, CHUCK.
CHUCK, WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING
YOUR SKY DAVIS AIR JETS?
I LIKE MY AIR JETS, BUT I'VE
HAD THESE SNEAKERS FOREVER.
THEY'RE MY OFF-COURT BUDDIES.
I'D NEVER GET RID OF THEM.
WELL, GOT TO RUN.
NICE TALKING TO YOU.
CHUCK, EXCUSE ME,
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
SHOOT, BUDDY.
WOULD YOU AUTOGRAPH MY SHOES?
NO PROBLEM, MAN.
NOW YOU GOT SOME
REAL SKY DAVIS SHOES.
GEE, THANKS.
HEY, HOLD IT.
HUH?
WOULD YOU MIND
AUTOGRAPHING MINE?
AFTER ALL, WE ARE
"SOLE" BROTHERS, GET IT?
RIGHT.
STAY COOL, MAN.
BYE.
COOL, MAN.
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE
ONE-ON-ONE, FUNNIE?
WELL, UH
[ snarling]
I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT YOU CAN DO
IN THESE COOL SHOES.
THE SHOES YOU MISSED OUT ON.
[ chuckling]
[ grunting]
YOU CAN DO IT, DOUG.
YEAH, JUST LIKE LAST TIME.
[ laughing]
GO FOR IT, MAN.
YOU CAN DO IT.
Boy:
ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD, DOUG.
YES-- GREAT SHOT, DOUG.
WE WON THE GAME.
I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT.
THAT DAY I REALIZED
MY SNEAKERS WERE JUST FINE.
I SHOULD REMEMBER--
SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO PUT
YOUR FOOT WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS.
NO.
[ barking]
UH A SHOE IN A HAND
IS WORTH
NO.
I SHOULD WALK A MILE
IN YOUR MOCCA
NEVER KICK A GOOD SHOE
WHEN IT'S DOWN.
YEAH.
[ whimpering]
OH, MAN.
THERE WAS A TIME
WHEN FIGHTING CRIME WAS A CINCH.
SUPERHEROES WITH SUPER STRENGTH
COULD CLOBBER AN EVIL WRONGDOER.
BUT DESPERATE TIMES
CALL FOR A NEW HERO--
A HERO WITH PATIENCE
AND INTELLIGENCE.
KING ME.
A HERO WITH GRACE AND SPEED.
I'M HERE, WHOOP, I'M THERE.
A HERO WITH THE MOST
INCREDIBLE SUPERPOWERS
IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE--
QUAIL MAN.
YES, QUAIL MAN, STRANGE
VISITOR FROM THE PLANET PIE.
HE FLIES, HE THINKS, HE WEARS
HIS UNDERWEAR OVER HIS PANTS.
QUAIL MAN--
HALF MAN, HALF QUAIL, ALL HERO.
[ humming]
[ footsteps]
[ hinge creaks]
[ barks]
DOUG
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
[ barks]
[ yelps]
Doug:
DID YOU EVER HAVE A DAY WHEN
YOU NEEDED TO BE A SUPERHERO--
A DAY WHEN SOMEBODY REALLY,
REALLY NEEDED SAVING?
TODAY WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS.
Ms. Wingo:
CLASS
WE WILL NOW HAVE
A STUDY PERIOD
SO YOU CAN FINISH
YOUR BOOK REPORTS.
PSST. PSST.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
PATTI, I WAS JUST WONDERING
I'M NOT HELPING YOU
WITH THE ASSIGNMENT.
BOOK REPORTS
ARE FOR BRAINY
PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
YOU GOT TO HELP ME.
LEAVE ME
ALONE, ROGER.
I HATED SEEING ANYONE
PESTERING PATTI
ESPECIALLY ROGER.
ROGER.
PATTI.
[ class chuckles]
PSST.
COME ON, PATTI.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
PLEASE, ROGER,
I'M NOT DOING YOUR SCHOOLWORK.
MISS MAYONNAISE, MR. KLOTZ
YOU'RE KNOCKING
ON TROUBLE'S DOOR.
Patti and Roger:
SORRY, MRS. WINGO.
THERE'S GOT TO BE
SOMETHING I CAN DO.
LIKE WHAT?
THAT GOES FOR
YOU TWO AS WELL.
Together:
YES, MRS. WINGO.
NOW, CLASS, I'D LIKE
TO REMIND YOU ALL
THAT THIS BOOK REPOR
WILL EQUAL
ONE-THIRD OF
YOUR ENTIRE GRADE.
ONE-THIRD?
DID YOU HEAR THAT, PATTI?
ONE-THIRD
OF MY GRADE.
I CAN'T FLUNK
THIS CLASS AGAIN.
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR
YOUR REPORT CARD, ROGER.
PLEASE? PLEASE?
PLEASE? PLEASE?
IT LOOKED LIKE PATTI WAS
IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.
I WONDER HOW QUAIL MAN
WOULD HANDLE THIS?
[ screaming]
[ laughing demonically]
YOU'RE A MONSTER,
KLOTZILLA.
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S A TOUGH JOB, BU
SOMEBODY'S GOT TO DO IT.
HELP, QUAIL MAN! HELP!
YES, I'LL SAVE YOU, PATTI.
GIVE ME THE GIRL
AND NOBODY GETS HURT.
OH, YEAH?
[ screaming]
[ laughing]
QUAIL MAN SHOULD CHANGE
HIS NAME TO LAME DUCK MAN.
HURRY, QUAIL MAN.
SAVE ME!
HEY, YOU THINK YOU'RE
GOING TO BE SAVED
BY A SUPERHERO
WITH NO SUPER STRENGTH?
WHAT A WIMP.
HE'S NOT A WIMP, HE'S QUAIL MAN.
UGH, HERE, HAVE A BREATH MINT.
I MAY NOT BE BIG, BUT I AM SMALL
AND I POSSESS
THE POWERS OF THE QUAIL.
HEY, QUAIL MAN, YOU
CAN'T HIDE FROM ME.
OVER HERE, BIG FELLA.
HEY, HOLD STILL
SO I CAN CREAM YOU.
WHAT THE?
I WARNED YOU,
KLOTZILLA.
NOW I MUST UNLEASH
MY SECRET WEAPON.
WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO?
LAY AN EGG ON ME?
[ chuckling]
NO, KLOTZILLA.
IT'S TIME TO UNLEASH
THE POWERS OF THE QUAIL.
GIVE ME A BREAK.
IS THIS A JOKE?
IT'S NO JOKE.
IT'S THE QUAIL EYE.
SOON YOU WILL FEEL
HELPLESS AND STUPEFIED.
OH, I'M FEELING
HELPLESS AND STUPEFIED.
THAT'S MY QUAIL EYE.
KIDS, DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME.
[ grunts]
[ moans]
OH, QUAIL MAN.
YOU'RE THE BRAVES
QUAIL I KNOW
AND I JUST LOVE
YOUR BELT.
WHY, THANK YOU, PATTI.
[ roars]
MY HERO!
FLY AWAY!
COME BACK HERE, QUAIL MAN.
LET'S GO TWO OUT OF THREE, OKAY?
PLEASE, PLEASE, COME BACK.
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE,
PRETTY PLEASE.
PRETTY PLEASE.
OH, STOP IT!
PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE.
UH-OH.
PATTI MAYONNAISE.
ROGER KLOTZ.
DETENTION HALL.
BUT
NO BUTS YOUNG LADY.
YOU TWO DANCED ON THE WILD SIDE
AND NOW YOU SHALL PAY.
AW, DON'
SWEAT IT.
DETENTION IS
NO BIG DEAL.
SAYONARA, SUCKERS.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
ROGER'S A CREEP.
WHY DON'T YOU
TELL MISS WINGO
IT WASN'T PATTI'S FAULT?
MR. FUNNIE AND MR. VALENTINE,
GRAB YOUR BOOKS.
YOU'RE JOINING
ROGER AND PATTI.
[ gasping]
PINK SLIPS, PLEASE.
HMM, CLASS DISRUPTORS, HUH?
TAKE A SEA
IN THE BACK
AND NO MONKEY BUSINESS.
[ class snickers]
SO, PATTI, ABOU
MY BOOK REPORT.
ROGER, I HAVE NEVER
HAD A DETENTION
IN MY WHOLE,
ENTIRE LIFE.
I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU.
YOU DID IT TO YOURSELF.
YOU COULD HAVE
SAID YES.
LEAVE ME ALONE OR I'M
GOING TO TELL MR. BONE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE ROGER'S
STILL BUGGING PATTI.
WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO?
YEAH, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
I SUGGEST UNLEASHING
THE POWERS OF THE QUAIL--
PATIENCE, INTELLIGENCE
AND SPEED.
IT'S TIME FOR ME TO UNLEASH
THE POWERS OF THE QUAIL.
QUAIL?
DOUG, UH, DOUG.
YO, DOUG, WHAT'S THA
STRANGE LOOK IN YOUR EYE?
STAND BACK, YOUNG MAN,
I'LL HANDLE THIS.
PATTI, I'LL
WRITE A PAGE
AND YOU WRITE A PAGE.
HERE, YOU GO FIRST.
ROGER.
EXCUSE ME,
I THINK IT'S TIME
TO LEAVE MISS
MAYONNAISE ALONE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE, FUNNIE?
OOH, OW.
OW, MY NOSE.
HEY, FUNNIE,
WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?
WELL, I, I
DOUG SLAMMED ROGER
IN THE NOSE.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO NOW, ROGER?
OOH, UH, WELL
All:
SHOWDOWN, SHOWDOWN, SHOWDOWN.
[ ringing]
ALL RIGHT, YOU CLOWNS,
DETENTION'S OVER.
EVERYBODY OUTSIDE.
Boy:
WHOA, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THIS.
YEAH, LISTEN,
FUNNIE
IT LOOKS LIKE I'LL
HAVE TO CREAM YOU.
DOUG, THIS WILL
BE A GOOD TIME
TO DO SOMETHING
EXTREME LIKE RUN.
THIS LOOKS LIKE
A JOB FOR QUAIL MAN.
HUH?
All:
SHOWDOWN! SHOWDOWN!
CLEAN HIS CLOCK,
ROGER.
Boy:
SHOW HIM WHO'S BOSS.
YEAH, YEAH, I HEAR YOU.
I JUST GOT TO GE
INTO THE MOOD.
COME ON, ROGER,
YOU KNOW IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
SORRY, PATTI, BU
I'VE GOT A REPUTATION
TO MAINTAIN.
REMAIN CALM.
IT'S TIME TO UNLEASH
THE POWERS OF THE QUAIL--
PATIENCE,
INTELLIGENCE, SPEED.
PATIENCE, INTELLIGENCE, SPEED.
HEY, FUNNIE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PSST, ARE YOU
OKAY, DOUG?
COME ON, FUNNIE,
LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
FUNNIE?
OVER HERE, NOW YOU SEE ME,
NOW YOU DON'T-- AHA!
UP HERE.
AND NOW,
THE QUAIL EYE.
KNOCK OFF
THE WIERD STUFF.
FIGHT ME.
I AM FIGHTING
YOU, ROGER.
EITHER DOUG'S
REALLY SMAR
OR HE JUST BLEW
A SERIOUS GASKET.
HE'S PSYCHING
ROGER OUT.
[ nervous laughing]
I SURRENDER, QUAIL MAN.
I'M HELPLESS
AND STUPEFIED.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT?
Mr. Bone:
ALL RIGHT.
BREAK IT UP,
BREAK IT UP.
WELL, I GUESS
YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.
EXCUSE ME, MR. BONE,
I BETTER BE GOING.
I HAVE TO GET STARTED
ON THAT BOOK REPORT.
SEE YOU.
JUST WATCH
IT, MISTER.
I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU.
THAT WAS GREAT, DOUG.
YOU WON A FIGH
WITHOUT LIFTING A FINGER.
I'M GLAD
YOU'RE NOT CRAZY.
NICE FIGHT,
YOU DIDN'T SWEAT.
WHERE'D YOU LEARN THOSE MOVES?
OH, LET'S JUST SAY
A LITTLE BIRD TOLD ME.
WHAT AN AFTERNOON.
I FLEXED MY MUSCLES AND POUNDED
ROGER TO HAMBURGER MEAT.
OKAY, SO I DIDN'T HIT HIM
BUT I DID PSYCH HIM OUT
AND HE DID STOP BUGGING PATTI
PROVING THAT BRAINS
ARE BETTER THAN
GETTING POUNDED.
HMM, I GUESS THERE'S
A LITTLE SUPERHERO IN US ALL.
[ chirps]
PATIENCE, INTELLIGENCE, SPEED--
THE POWERS OF THE QUAIL.
RED SHOES, BLUE SHOES,
EVERBODY'S GOT SHOES ♪
RED SHOES, BLUE SHOES,
GOT TO GET COOL SHOES. ♪