EastSiders (2012) s01e07 Episode Script
Episode 7
1 [KNOCKING, BANGING.]
Did you pack all the spoons? I packed all of my spoons, yeah.
You couldn't wait until tomorrow? Thom, tomorrow is tomorrow.
Thank you.
Just be glad I waited to tape everything up.
How's your neck? Gnarled, like a root.
Well you can have the bed tonight.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah - I'm going out.
- Is that so? Have fun.
I just wanted you to know So we're clear, I fucking hate your guts and I cannot wait to never have to look at your fucking face again! That so? Say hi for me, huh? [IAN SIGHS.]
Hey.
Where are you going? Breakfast.
I love breakfast.
I don't think that's a good idea.
Why not? I just don't want to make this a thing.
Who's making it a thing? I'm just not ready for that, okay? You're not ready for breakfast with me? Yeah, sure.
But you just had sex with me.
Yeah, sure, that was great, but can you please just stop making this a thing, okay? It is a thing.
Oh, God, this was such a mistake.
You called me! Well, you're not the only one who gets drunk.
You're You're being really mean! Get used to the new me, Kathy, cuz this is it.
"I Don't Give a Shit" Ian.
I don't give a shit about you, I don't give a shit about Actually, right now, I just don't give a shit about you.
I haven't decided what else I don't give a shit about.
I dunno Farmer's markets.
Craft beer.
Ian, wait.
What? Do you want to date me? [LAUGHS.]
(IAN) Yeah! I wanna date you! Dating you's the best! [GROANS.]
[PHONE BUZZES.]
Hello.
Ian still doesn't want to date me, Cal.
Can you believe that? [PHONE CLANGS ON FLOOR.]
[TV AUDIO PLAYS.]
You okay? Yeah.
You want to watch something else? No, I'm good.
I've seen you like this.
What? High? No Alone.
In there.
- You don't have to be.
- I'm just watching the movie.
Move in with me.
What? Give Jeff your notice tomorrow.
He can find another roommate in 30 days.
Don't unpack anything.
Well, it's a little rude.
Yeah, so what? Sometimes it's okay to be selfish if it makes you happy.
You make me happy, Jeremy.
Just not that happy.
It's just a little quick.
It's okay You don't have to take me seriously.
But you will eventually.
I take you seriously.
- Uh-huh Just not that seriously.
- Jeremy Look, I'm not usually this pathetic, actually.
It's just You make me feel so many things, and it's a little terrifying.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying, I am gonna keep trying.
[KNOCKING.]
What? I've been calling you all day.
Well, I don't want to talk about you, Kathy.
Are you drunk? Mostly.
You shouldn't be drinking alone, Cal.
So he's seeing him? That's it? He's just seeing him? Apparently.
What does that even mean, anyway "he's just seeing him?" It means whatever it means.
I don't know.
Why do you think he's doing it? He wants to destroy me, just, you know, completely.
Just beat me into the earth, and then rub salt all over the ground.
What a fucking, huge hypocrite.
Yeah, well, glass houses.
What is that supposed to mean? Honesty's the best policy, or something? Hey, I've got an idea.
What? Tomorrow, when I move into my studio, you should come over and we should get drunk.
And we should pretend that it's 2008, and I've never met Thom or had sex with anybody.
Okay.
Yes.
Wait Remember that time when I promised you a case of champagne if you ever got laid? I never got that case of champagne, actually.
Thom does not count.
I do not even think he is a real person.
You were right about him.
- He was "shifty.
" - Yes.
It's because I have a sense for these things.
So what about Jeremy? Or Paul, okay? - Pay up.
- Statute of limitations.
And besides, what do you need with an entire case of champagne, huh? To celebrate my life obviously.
I guess I missed my chance.
I'm never having sex again.
No champagne for me.
God damn Sorry, I'm so drunk.
We lived together for a year.
Almost a year We didn't even make it a fucking year.
Maybe you shouldn't have, like, a case of champagne just lying around your house.
Sounds like a bad idea.
You're probably right.
Oh, my God.
Slow down there buddy! Hey, listen, I know what it's like.
You know what Ian said to me today? What? He said to me, he doesn't give a shit! He's calling himself, "'I don't give a shit' Ian.
" He wants you back, though? I know, he does.
I mean, I hope so.
Ian's the kind of guy I don't really want to talk about this, actually.
Oh, okay, yeah.
I mean, I'm happy for you, that your life isn't in shambles.
I'm happy that your life isn't over.
Your life is not over, Cal, listen While I appreciate your commiseration and gal-pal certainty that I'm gonna bounce back from this, with all due respect, you don't know what this is like for me.
You know, when I was growing up, I thought I was never going to find anybody.
I thought that I was the only person out there like me.
And then I found out that there were other people like me, but they just weren't really like me, actually.
And then I met Thom.
You don't know what it's like to lose what I'm losing.
I know what it's like not to have somebody.
Kathy, we're talking about me okay? This is about me.
Yeah We're always talking about you, Cal.
I get it, it's fine.
Excuse me? You know you left me to basically die at an abortion clinic.
You left me alone at an abortion clinic! - I apologized - A fucking apology? - I apologized! - A fucking apology? What else do you want?! I don't want you to fucking cry about your own bullshit for six hours afterwards! You're the one that cheated on him! You cheated on him, and I went through a fucking abortion! You cheated on him, and then can't stop complaining about how unfair and how unjust life is! You know, just fucking spare me the details! You asked for this! Good, yeah.
Just say what you think.
Well, I will say what I think, because you know what? You were too fucking chicken shit to end it.
So you forced him into it, by cheating on him.
This is what you fucking wanted, are you happy? It's what you fucking wanted.
Yeah, Kathy I'm really happy.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I think you'd better fucking leave, please.
Are you serious? If I'm gonna be alone, I might as well be alone.
You know, just completely.
Just go! Fine.
Good night, Kathy.
[MUSIC PLAYS FROM RECORD PLAYER.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]
Did you pack all the spoons? I packed all of my spoons, yeah.
You couldn't wait until tomorrow? Thom, tomorrow is tomorrow.
Thank you.
Just be glad I waited to tape everything up.
How's your neck? Gnarled, like a root.
Well you can have the bed tonight.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah - I'm going out.
- Is that so? Have fun.
I just wanted you to know So we're clear, I fucking hate your guts and I cannot wait to never have to look at your fucking face again! That so? Say hi for me, huh? [IAN SIGHS.]
Hey.
Where are you going? Breakfast.
I love breakfast.
I don't think that's a good idea.
Why not? I just don't want to make this a thing.
Who's making it a thing? I'm just not ready for that, okay? You're not ready for breakfast with me? Yeah, sure.
But you just had sex with me.
Yeah, sure, that was great, but can you please just stop making this a thing, okay? It is a thing.
Oh, God, this was such a mistake.
You called me! Well, you're not the only one who gets drunk.
You're You're being really mean! Get used to the new me, Kathy, cuz this is it.
"I Don't Give a Shit" Ian.
I don't give a shit about you, I don't give a shit about Actually, right now, I just don't give a shit about you.
I haven't decided what else I don't give a shit about.
I dunno Farmer's markets.
Craft beer.
Ian, wait.
What? Do you want to date me? [LAUGHS.]
(IAN) Yeah! I wanna date you! Dating you's the best! [GROANS.]
[PHONE BUZZES.]
Hello.
Ian still doesn't want to date me, Cal.
Can you believe that? [PHONE CLANGS ON FLOOR.]
[TV AUDIO PLAYS.]
You okay? Yeah.
You want to watch something else? No, I'm good.
I've seen you like this.
What? High? No Alone.
In there.
- You don't have to be.
- I'm just watching the movie.
Move in with me.
What? Give Jeff your notice tomorrow.
He can find another roommate in 30 days.
Don't unpack anything.
Well, it's a little rude.
Yeah, so what? Sometimes it's okay to be selfish if it makes you happy.
You make me happy, Jeremy.
Just not that happy.
It's just a little quick.
It's okay You don't have to take me seriously.
But you will eventually.
I take you seriously.
- Uh-huh Just not that seriously.
- Jeremy Look, I'm not usually this pathetic, actually.
It's just You make me feel so many things, and it's a little terrifying.
I'm sorry.
I'm trying, I am gonna keep trying.
[KNOCKING.]
What? I've been calling you all day.
Well, I don't want to talk about you, Kathy.
Are you drunk? Mostly.
You shouldn't be drinking alone, Cal.
So he's seeing him? That's it? He's just seeing him? Apparently.
What does that even mean, anyway "he's just seeing him?" It means whatever it means.
I don't know.
Why do you think he's doing it? He wants to destroy me, just, you know, completely.
Just beat me into the earth, and then rub salt all over the ground.
What a fucking, huge hypocrite.
Yeah, well, glass houses.
What is that supposed to mean? Honesty's the best policy, or something? Hey, I've got an idea.
What? Tomorrow, when I move into my studio, you should come over and we should get drunk.
And we should pretend that it's 2008, and I've never met Thom or had sex with anybody.
Okay.
Yes.
Wait Remember that time when I promised you a case of champagne if you ever got laid? I never got that case of champagne, actually.
Thom does not count.
I do not even think he is a real person.
You were right about him.
- He was "shifty.
" - Yes.
It's because I have a sense for these things.
So what about Jeremy? Or Paul, okay? - Pay up.
- Statute of limitations.
And besides, what do you need with an entire case of champagne, huh? To celebrate my life obviously.
I guess I missed my chance.
I'm never having sex again.
No champagne for me.
God damn Sorry, I'm so drunk.
We lived together for a year.
Almost a year We didn't even make it a fucking year.
Maybe you shouldn't have, like, a case of champagne just lying around your house.
Sounds like a bad idea.
You're probably right.
Oh, my God.
Slow down there buddy! Hey, listen, I know what it's like.
You know what Ian said to me today? What? He said to me, he doesn't give a shit! He's calling himself, "'I don't give a shit' Ian.
" He wants you back, though? I know, he does.
I mean, I hope so.
Ian's the kind of guy I don't really want to talk about this, actually.
Oh, okay, yeah.
I mean, I'm happy for you, that your life isn't in shambles.
I'm happy that your life isn't over.
Your life is not over, Cal, listen While I appreciate your commiseration and gal-pal certainty that I'm gonna bounce back from this, with all due respect, you don't know what this is like for me.
You know, when I was growing up, I thought I was never going to find anybody.
I thought that I was the only person out there like me.
And then I found out that there were other people like me, but they just weren't really like me, actually.
And then I met Thom.
You don't know what it's like to lose what I'm losing.
I know what it's like not to have somebody.
Kathy, we're talking about me okay? This is about me.
Yeah We're always talking about you, Cal.
I get it, it's fine.
Excuse me? You know you left me to basically die at an abortion clinic.
You left me alone at an abortion clinic! - I apologized - A fucking apology? - I apologized! - A fucking apology? What else do you want?! I don't want you to fucking cry about your own bullshit for six hours afterwards! You're the one that cheated on him! You cheated on him, and I went through a fucking abortion! You cheated on him, and then can't stop complaining about how unfair and how unjust life is! You know, just fucking spare me the details! You asked for this! Good, yeah.
Just say what you think.
Well, I will say what I think, because you know what? You were too fucking chicken shit to end it.
So you forced him into it, by cheating on him.
This is what you fucking wanted, are you happy? It's what you fucking wanted.
Yeah, Kathy I'm really happy.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I think you'd better fucking leave, please.
Are you serious? If I'm gonna be alone, I might as well be alone.
You know, just completely.
Just go! Fine.
Good night, Kathy.
[MUSIC PLAYS FROM RECORD PLAYER.]
[MUSIC STOPS.]